30 Days to Finding Peace in an Alcoholic Relationship

Thank you...

I have read the first twelve chapters. This is a work of one of God's "saints," in the not-so-ordinary sense of the word. What a valiant struggle, and what great lessons there are described in this book that go beyond mere alcoholism and how to cope with it. Five stars.

Yes. Yes. Yes. I agree with you.

I'm actually working editing the chapters. Not done yet. Then, I will rearrange the setup of each chapter -- a quote at the beginning, breaking it up into titled sections, and then adding questions at the end of each chapter.

It will be great when I'm done.

This is a powerful work. As the adult child of an alcoholic, I have traveled your path. Your examples sound very familiar to me. I admire your constructive reaction to a hopeless situation.

Regarding the text. I think it needs some organization. I wish I could hold it in my hands to review the chapter headings so I could offer more specific advice....but I did not feel the chapters flowed naturally from one to the next.

Blessings to you and your sons,
~Audrey

Good points! I like the idea of reaching beyond the Christian world, but I don't want to take out the Biblical references. The Bible verses are a lot of what made my healing possible. It's how I found peace.

As for anonymity, I tried to do this throughout the book. Diane Torres is a pseudonym. The names, places, and specific circumstances have been changed to protect the family. I have found however that the story is pretty much the same for everyone across the board. Alcoholic relationships are sooooo predictable!

Thanks for your thoughts...

Hello Diane:

I read through several chapters of your book and was impressed at the amount of information you have provided and the resources you have referenced. I cannot even begin to imagine the destruction you have experienced in your life and in your family.

One suggestion that I have is that you take out the qualifier in the very first sentence which says, "If you are a Christian." My reasoning for this is certainly not to encourage compromise, but because my assumption is that you desire to reach beyond an exclusively Christian audience. By including this caveat, many unbelievers are likely to quickly disqualify themselves and move on without reading any further.

There is another difficult issue which you may need to wrestle with-though I suspect you may have done so already-and that is the issue of confidentiality. By virtue of making this book public, and especially if this book is published, you have made any chance of reconciliation with your husband virtually impossible because his addiction has been publicly broadcast to the entire world. This is a difficult issue when one writes a non-fiction autobiography. I am not encouraging co-dependency in way, in the sense of hiding the sin of a loved one; but rather, that you might find a way to write this book without exposing your husband's dirty laundry. In our culture, we militantly believe in protecting confidentiality of strangers in such matters, yet the paradox is that we are not quite so protective of the dignity of our loved ones-even when they are at their worst. We certainly would want no less from our spouse or loved ones if the tables were turned.

Blessings to you as you minister to thousands whose homes have likewise been shattered because of addiction.

Hello Diane:

I read through several chapters of your book and was impressed at the amount of information you have provided and the resources you have referenced. I cannot even begin to imagine the destruction you have experienced in your life and in your family.

One suggestion that I have is that you take out the qualifier in the very first sentence which says, "If you are a Christian." My reasoning for this is certainly not to encourage compromise, but because my assumption is that you desire to reach beyond an exclusively Christian audience. By including this caveat, many unbelievers are likely to quickly disqualify themselves and move on without reading any further.

There is another difficult issue which you may need to wrestle with-though I suspect you may have done so already-and that is the issue of confidentiality. By virtue of making this book public, and especially if this book is published, you have made any chance of reconciliation with your husband virtually impossible because his addiction has been publicly broadcast to the entire world. This is a difficult issue when one writes a non-fiction autobiography. I am not encouraging co-dependency in way, in the sense of hiding the sin of a loved one; but rather, that you might find a way to write this book without exposing your husband's dirty laundry. In our culture, we militantly believe in protecting confidentiality of strangers in such matters, yet the paradox is that we are not quite so protective of the dignity of our loved ones-even when they are at their worst. We certainly would want no less from our spouse or loved ones if the tables were turned.

Blessings to you as you minister to thousands whose homes have likewise been shattered because of addiction.

This is a powerful work. As the adult child of an alcoholic, I have traveled your path. Your examples sound very familiar to me. I admire your constructive reaction to a hopeless situation.

Regarding the text. I think it needs some organization. I wish I could hold it in my hands to review the chapter headings so I could offer more specific advice....but I did not feel the chapters flowed naturally from one to the next.

Blessings to you and your sons,
~Audrey

I have read the first twelve chapters. This is a work of one of God's "saints," in the not-so-ordinary sense of the word. What a valiant struggle, and what great lessons there are described in this book that go beyond mere alcoholism and how to cope with it. Five stars.

HI there, I am very familiar with AA and ALANON as I attended for a long time as I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. I think your book doesn't read so powerfully as it could, because you don't use the first person pronoun as much as you should. For example, saying You would be stronger if you said I felt or my feelings. I read to chapter 6 and it seems very instructional, yet it is a memoir, no? Also the 12 step program says "God as I came to know or came to believe." This means that everyone's sense of God is not the same, so it would help in your book, if you personalize your relationship to your God. These are my observations. Obviously AA is a great program, which is why so many people, "keep coming back." I found for me, it is the nondrinkers who have just as much work to do. I am sure hanging in there was tough.
Take care
Roberta
I also ranked your book and put it in my fold of 30.

Thank you for your comment. Yes, I see what you mean about being more forceful in the first person. I have been thinking the same thing.

Also, about the God thing. Let me gel on that a while. This book's audience is intended to be Christians which is why there are so many Biblical references. I know what you mean though. I will give it some thought...

Thanks for critiquing. I plan on really working on it this summer and ironing out a lot of things that still need work.

God Bless,

Diane

HI there, I am very familiar with AA and ALANON as I attended for a long time as I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. I think your book doesn't read so powerfully as it could, because you don't use the first person pronoun as much as you should. For example, saying You would be stronger if you said I felt or my feelings. I read to chapter 6 and it seems very instructional, yet it is a memoir, no? Also the 12 step program says "God as I came to know or came to believe." This means that everyone's sense of God is not the same, so it would help in your book, if you personalize your relationship to your God. These are my observations. Obviously AA is a great program, which is why so many people, "keep coming back." I found for me, it is the nondrinkers who have just as much work to do. I am sure hanging in there was tough.
Take care
Roberta
I also ranked your book and put it in my fold of 30.

BACKED :0) x x x

Thank you! I hope it will bless many people...

Hi Diane:

I backed your book and gave it six stars. An excellent subject and well- presented and written. It's replete with emotion, imagination, and passion. The flow, movement, and diction is good. There's praiseworthy clarity of expression with good syntax. It's interesting, enjoyable, inspirational, and edifying. I think it has literary value and aesthetic appeal.Our Lord bless you for such a moving piece of work and testimony.

Thanks you.
May your day be great in Christ.

Lorne

Hi Diane:

I backed your book and gave it six stars. An excellent subject and well- presented and written. It's replete with emotion, imagination, and passion. The flow, movement, and diction is good. There's praiseworthy clarity of expression with good syntax. It's interesting, enjoyable, inspirational, and edifying. I think it has literary value and aesthetic appeal.Our Lord bless you for such a moving piece of work and testimony.

May your day be great in Christ.

Lorne [ENDQUOTE

Well Thank you so much for your encouragement. My prayer is that it will someday bless others.

Hi Diane:

I backed your book and gave it six stars. An excellent subject and well- presented and written. It's replete with emotion, imagination, and passion. The flow, movement, and diction is good. There's praiseworthy clarity of expression with good syntax. It's interesting, enjoyable, inspirational, and edifying. I think it has literary value and aesthetic appeal.Our Lord bless you for such a moving piece of work and testimony.

May your day be great in Christ.

Lorne

This is a brilliantly written book.
Members of my own family have been and are affected by alcoholism, so I know first hand the devastating effects it can have.
I am sure that this book will be a great help to many.
Well written
Star rated, on my WL
Ruth x
A New Day

Diane:
This book is excellently written and touches on so many topics. My uncle was an alcoholic and I was terrified whenever he came around. I can't imagine living in that situation as a child. I was really waiting to see if you would touch on the parent's responsibility and you did with strength and tenderness at the same time. Kudos to you.
Twhit

Thank you for the encouraging words.

God Bless,
Diane

Firstly I would like to thank God for you Diane. I was not brought up in anything close to come near any Christianity in my entire childhood, I still just wish this book was around when my mum lived, I know this manual would have been at great help. She died at the age of only 44, and she basically drank herself to death. I just wish she could have read this manual witch would have helped her to admit that she was an alcoholic mums excuse was that she had to drink to be able to realax. I also wished that I had a manual like this because I wouldn’t have felt that it was my fault when she died, because I also lived in denial that she was an alcoholic. When I read about the 7 steps in this manual I could not hold my tears back. Mum would have been in all those categories. This book is a beautiful “road sign” that points to Jesus, when you refer to psalm “32.8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you” that is what I have experienced personally in my own life. I pray blessings and I pray that this book will reach all the corners of the earth not just the Christians, but also the unsaved people. This book will help a lot of families.
Laila
ps you might want to read chapter 4 of my book and you will know why i love your book.

I am sorry to hear about your mom's tragic passing. So many sad stories out there. So many suffering families from this disease. It tears me up inside to hear about all the pain going on...

I hope that many people will be blessed from my book... I feel like I was called to write it. Didn't want to. Didn't have the time, but God knows best I suppose.

God Bless,
Diane

Thank you for backing my book, I hope you enjoy the read. I have WL yours and will back asap, Thank you :0) x x x

You're welcome! I only back books I really like myself.

I am only on chapter 15 . I have cried all the way, it is like reading about my life, i have one thing different my 22 year old son is fast following in same foot steps as father. He lives at home , he is handicapped, he lost both feet when he was 14 , due to a heart virus which slowed blood to feet, while on heart bypass machine. I needed this soooo much, thank you for putting your life out there to help others.

Wow.It never ceases to amaze me how we all have the same story --- just different faces and places. I am so sorry to hear about your son... Hmmmm. Why does it have to be so hard.

Watch for two more chapters I'm going to have up soon: "Miraculous Healings" and "Finding Peace." I think you will like them.

Diane

I am only on chapter 15 . I have cried all the way, it is like reading about my life, i have one thing different my 22 year old son is fast following in same foot steps as father. He lives at home , he is handicapped, he lost both feet when he was 14 , due to a heart virus which slowed blood to feet, while on heart bypass machine. I needed this soooo much, thank you for putting your life out there to help others.

Thank you for backing my book, I hope you enjoy the read. I have WL yours and will back asap, Thank you :0) x x x

Firstly I would like to thank God for you Diane. I was not brought up in anything close to come near any Christianity in my entire childhood, I still just wish this book was around when my mum lived, I know this manual would have been at great help. She died at the age of only 44, and she basically drank herself to death. I just wish she could have read this manual witch would have helped her to admit that she was an alcoholic mums excuse was that she had to drink to be able to realax. I also wished that I had a manual like this because I wouldn’t have felt that it was my fault when she died, because I also lived in denial that she was an alcoholic. When I read about the 7 steps in this manual I could not hold my tears back. Mum would have been in all those categories. This book is a beautiful “road sign” that points to Jesus, when you refer to psalm “32.8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you” that is what I have experienced personally in my own life. I pray blessings and I pray that this book will reach all the corners of the earth not just the Christians, but also the unsaved people. This book will help a lot of families.
Laila
ps you might want to read chapter 4 of my book and you will know why i love your book.

Diane,
I read a few chapters of your "Survival Guide" and i love your narrative voice. Very inspirational! It goes right to the core of you, especially if you have someone in your life who's an alcoholic. You are a brave soldier, let me tell you. You must indeed have the breastplate of righteousness protecting your heart and your mind.
Good luck with this, and God bless.
Maria "Dark of the Moon".

Diane:
This book is excellently written and touches on so many topics. My uncle was an alcoholic and I was terrified whenever he came around. I can't imagine living in that situation as a child. I was really waiting to see if you would touch on the parent's responsibility and you did with strength and tenderness at the same time. Kudos to you.
Twhit

Dear Diane,
My grandfather had a problem with alcohol, and i know how much my sweet Grandma suffered. Addiction is not what drew me into your story, it was your praise of the Lord. God Bless you for writing it.
Maria
p.s. Will back with pleasure as soon as i can :)

Hi Diane - thank you for writing this book. There are so few books on this topic out there from a biblical perspective. I have been greatly encouraged knowing that there is someone going through a similar situation to my own. Thank you for your help and comfort. BACKED, alyb

12-22-2010 12 pm

First of all - Merry Christmas to you Dianne. I finally have time to look at your alcoholic book today. As a recovering addict who will celebrate 26 yrs. sober this spring - I appreciate the fact that you were willing to tackle a topic that still remains in the closet - so to speak. I pray that we can all become healthy/sober in a hurting society that is too heavily dependent on the bottle.

Here's to a lifetime of sober living & support for those who are still hurting.......

May God richly bless you & yours this Holiday Season!!!

Nancy Bush
DAYMARES - Based on a True Story
{In which I chronicle my battle and victory over the bottle at the age of 21}.

Hi Diane, Your book really strikes a chord. Too bad that there are many people who suffer the aftermath of having an alcoholic parent. Not only do the spouse suffer but the kids... It is a sad subject. I like your book. You tell a good story. We need books like this out there for public consumption in lieu of the drugs and alcohol. Best wishes. CR Harding

Interesting. Insightful. Inspirational. Convincing. Sharp, no frills narrative. Gifted writing. A stirring read. Backed.

A Christian's survival guide
This is interesting, and it's well written too
Eveleen
- Turning a new leaf
- Like a dot on the horizon

A book of significance for the insight it gives and it could help many people. it is written well and I haven't that much to add. I did also read the comments and I think D L Stroupe has an important point about including an additional chapter.

Backed,

Lisa

Wow, this is fantastic. What an insightful, hopeful book for anyone dealing with alcoholism in their relationship.

It is informative, at the same time offering hope. It's true, we can't change anyone, God can; we just pray for them and do what we have to do to protect ourselves.

My son's father was an alcoholic, probably still is in a "livable" way. We were very young, early 20's, when we were together but I am close with him and his wife and he still drinks; it just doesn't get in his way anymore. Sad.

Well done and happily backed
Denise

First let me get a few minor typos out of the way that I spotted:

page 9
I began to prayer three times a day for my fear to leave me.
prayer = pray

page 14
An "official" intervention is when you have an expert interventionist work with your family and those close to the addict work.
I think that last word 'work' was meant to be deleted. If not, I don't understand the sentence.


page 16
Your font suddenly jumped much larger.

========

I think you have a good book here, but in honesty there is one thing that I am concerned about. I did not read the whole book but I did check each page for at least the general heading, but perhaps you covered this and I missed it. You touched on it with page 2, but I think it's important - given the tone set by the entire rest of the book - that you somehow make it clear that sometimes an addict never does recover. This is hard to bear, and a difficult message to deliver, but perhaps you're just not quite finished with your book, or you might elaborate on page two a little more.

The difficulty lies in not crushing the fragile hope of those still struggling, but sometimes the goal is acceptance. Sometimes they don't get sober or clean. Being able to move on without anger or recrimination, and most importantly, being able to accept without blaming God for what feels like a failure is terribly important. I think you would do a world of good to include such a chapter. Whether or not the loved one does or does not become sober or clean, God does not love them any less. It is, after all, a disease. God understands this far better than we can.

It also doesn't mean that the loved one struggling and praying for the addict has fallen short or failed to do things properly. If one can lose a battle with cancer and the patient dies, there is no blame. When a cancer patient goes into remission and recovers, there is always that haunting chance that it might come back. This is also true of the alcoholic and addict. It happens. But God's love is always there, for all parties.

In any case, I think this topic would be a fitting final chapter, more clearly intentional and supportive than what page two shares. In saying this, I pray that you don't take me the wrong way. It just seems that you're not quite truly finished writing the book, because it *sounds* like you're not quite truly finished yourself. Of course, none of us are ever truly finished until God takes us home. We are all "works in progress" as the saying goes. Still, I think you have a *good* book here, but I do think you need that one more chapter. And if I'm wrong, then I'm sure God will let you know that too.

God bless.

Thank you for these good pointers. I do touch on the idea of the alcoholic not recovering. I think that you make a really good point. Let me mull over how I want to approach this. I think it would really add to the book.

Thanks so much for your critique! Very insightful!

First let me get a few minor typos out of the way that I spotted:

page 9
I began to prayer three times a day for my fear to leave me.
prayer = pray

page 14
An "official" intervention is when you have an expert interventionist work with your family and those close to the addict work.
I think that last word 'work' was meant to be deleted. If not, I don't understand the sentence.


page 16
Your font suddenly jumped much larger.

========

I think you have a good book here, but in honesty there is one thing that I am concerned about. I did not read the whole book but I did check each page for at least the general heading, but perhaps you covered this and I missed it. You touched on it with page 2, but I think it's important - given the tone set by the entire rest of the book - that you somehow make it clear that sometimes an addict never does recover. This is hard to bear, and a difficult message to deliver, but perhaps you're just not quite finished with your book, or you might elaborate on page two a little more.

The difficulty lies in not crushing the fragile hope of those still struggling, but sometimes the goal is acceptance. Sometimes they don't get sober or clean. Being able to move on without anger or recrimination, and most importantly, being able to accept without blaming God for what feels like a failure is terribly important. I think you would do a world of good to include such a chapter. Whether or not the loved one does or does not become sober or clean, God does not love them any less. It is, after all, a disease. God understands this far better than we can.

It also doesn't mean that the loved one struggling and praying for the addict has fallen short or failed to do things properly. If one can lose a battle with cancer and the patient dies, there is no blame. When a cancer patient goes into remission and recovers, there is always that haunting chance that it might come back. This is also true of the alcoholic and addict. It happens. But God's love is always there, for all parties.

In any case, I think this topic would be a fitting final chapter, more clearly intentional and supportive than what page two shares. In saying this, I pray that you don't take me the wrong way. It just seems that you're not quite truly finished writing the book, because it *sounds* like you're not quite truly finished yourself. Of course, none of us are ever truly finished until God takes us home. We are all "works in progress" as the saying goes. Still, I think you have a *good* book here, but I do think you need that one more chapter. And if I'm wrong, then I'm sure God will let you know that too.

God bless.

Very inspirational! I don't have time to read very much right now, but will put it on my watchlist for later.

Anne
Closeted Courage

First, thank you so much for backing Finding Littel Big Foot. I've been out of town for several days and it's going down, not up, so I hope I can turn that around soon! As for your book--I surfed around and read about four chapters. As a pastor, former counselor for addicts/alchoholics and their familes and the husband of a pirson chaplain who used to be a AODA chaplain--this is wonderul! I will buy several copies if it gets to print. I so hope it does! Congratulations on a great book, and even more for surviving!

Hi Diane:

EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! A tremendous subject. Your writing is excellent in my opinion; it flows like the gentle waves on Lake Houghton in Michigan.Your book will help many people. The Lord continue to be with you!

The Teacher

I can so relate to this book! I have been both a drug user and heavy drinker, with violence dominating my life for so many gut wrenching years.
My substance abuse, the result of an underlining childhood trauma that I kept hidden.
This book needs to be published, and so has my backing with the utmost plesure.
if you want more of an insight into my book, "Losing The Hate", i'd welcome any feedback that you may be able to offer.
Sye

You've shown tremendous courage and an ability to cope with the issues that have surrounded you. C W

You say in the foreword, 'Together we can petition the great God of the Universe on behalf of our loved ones' and that is the crux of your book - that they're still loved ones.
I found it interesting, the different parts of the brain that deteriorate under the influence of alcohol so that it seems as if a personality change has occurred. I always thought it was just a loosening of inhibitions.
This book will be of great use and help to many. Very best for it. Backed. lynn

Diane,
Some books are meant to be made available for pastors to give to those who are hurting and need to know that someone else has been through the trouble. I believe this is one of those books!

In each chapter you take the reader, as Drs. Cloud and Tonwsend would say, to what the next step will be! You write out of a heart for the hurting and the heart of God. When, and I repeat, WHEN this book gets published, I will purchase copies for those I counsel to help them find a way to the Peace of Christ!

Backed!

Ron

I am happy to support a book that offers hope.

Backed.

Gabriel(It Goes On Forever.)

Hi Diane, It's evident that the narrator and her husband care about each other and are attached while alcohol is ruining their relationship. Since what you describe is ongoing, the helps from Scripture and the association with AA are presented in an immediate way and without any illusion. I can see where the helps are pertinent to continuing with the issue. For people who are reluctant to admit their problem, a book like this could be the bridge and a good thing to have in the home. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet

What an incredibly needed book. I hope a Christian publisher picks it up and promotes it. At least nowadays Christians are more willing to talk about their deepest problems and I think this book will help thousands of people married to an alcoholic. God bless you and your book. Jayne

Dear Diane, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already backed your book, I will put your book on my watchlist. Could you please take a moment to back my completed unedited memoir version, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I'd be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :)
authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
Here is the response I received from authonomy concerning backing:
When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved."

Good for you, and the best of luck with coping with your difficult situation. Writing, speaking, and meeting with people seem like good coping strategies.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

Hi Diane,
I'm happy to support this book. Well done.
Backed.
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Definitely a place for a book like this that offers hope and information. I was in the position of having an alcoholic father. He was never violent he was just 'not there'. I dreaded reaching 18 as it meant I would be sent to the shop to buy more brandy and thus contribute to his disintigration. Faith, and a caring fiance, kept me stable, and sane.
Good luck with this.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

a fantasy exploring the themes of guilt, duty and redemption

Though subject to tackle...well done.

Lockjaw

the world needs books like this. you're a brave women

Go with God

Scorselo

Thanks to all for your support and encouragement.

I'm still trying to figure out how all this stuff works on Authonomy, what it means, and what you are supposed to do... A lot to learn.