My Friends and Me.... Sammy and the Wise Willow

Dear Dawn,

What a beautiful story!

Flowers of all shapes and sizes, colours of the rainbow, tall trees acting as sentries, comfort of a matchbox bed, warmth of web blankets, chirpy and cheerful company of friends and neighbours, and a magical forest full of fairies and magical creatures…

I so wish I could live as one of them.

Children, some teenagers and even a handful of fully-grown adults would love the simplicity and warmth of this tale. It’s marked by beautifully descriptive prose and endearing characters that can easily lend themselves to a heart-warming animated film adaptation. Well done, my friend.

6 twinkling stars to adorn Sammy and Molly’s shed

Best regards,
AGC

Dear Dawn Headley,

Sammy and Molly,
oh, what folly!
in a shed,
with a swelling bed,
enjoy a cuppa,
as the book climbs uppa...

Best wishes to you and the delightful My Friends and Me..Sammy and the Wise Willow.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

This is a delightful book for children and the young at heart. The characters are friendly and "cuddly" (not an easy thing to pull off when using a spider!). Your language is simple, but does not come across in the least artificial.

Backed with pleasure.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Dear Dawn, clean prose. you are an excellent storyteller. to me, this is the perfect voice for children's tales: you don't talk down. you write up to the kids, challenge them with "adult" words,.etc.
most happily backed.
no quibbles. a tale for adults as well.
very best, andy

Hi Dawn,

My Friends and Me is wonderful and here you have highlighted the Wise Willow and all of his wisdom.

I've always loved (from your first book) that Molly passes the time by spinning beautiful webs and I'm glad it continues in this one.

There's nothing negative about any of your themes at all. This has been such a joy to read because it's got a lot of good, intelligent messages.

Shelved.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories

Dear Dawn,

What a beautiful story!

Flowers of all shapes and sizes, colours of the rainbow, tall trees acting as sentries, comfort of a matchbox bed, warmth of web blankets, chirpy and cheerful company of friends and neighbours, and a magical forest full of fairies and magical creatures…

I so wish I could live as one of them.

Children, some teenagers and even a handful of fully-grown adults would love the simplicity and warmth of this tale. It’s marked by beautifully descriptive prose and endearing characters that can easily lend themselves to a heart-warming animated film adaptation. Well done, my friend.

6 twinkling stars to adorn Sammy and Molly’s shed

Best regards,
AGC

Hi Dawn, a return read :-)
I haven't had a lot of experience with children's books but I do think this is delightful and very well written. Your characters are cute and likeable and I'm sure this is something children will enjoy :-)
Starred and I wish you well
Tammy

Hi Dawn, i have finally got to you, (after way to long). This is a wonderfull story, the voice you use fills the pages so very well. as you know i am dislixic so i dont do the gramma bit!. but i loved it so you are BACKED i will keep you on for as long as i can, (about a month for any book i back) thanks for a great story and good luck hun xxx

There is something very peaceful, almost singsong about the world that you paint here.You weave a web of words at the same time as you paint the walls of the imagination in great, broad, sweeping strokes that at once create a feel and sense of place for the child. I think that is the most important thing in a children's story. I wish you well with this.

- Bunderful, author of Master of the Miracles

Dear Dawn,
I am really enjoying your book. The characters are very well thought out and I am sure that my grandchildren would enjoy the story being read to them at bedtime. I have added you to my bookshelf.

Sammy and the Wise Willow.
By Dawn Headley.

As soon as I start to read your book, I love it.
You conjure up a magical scene for the young reader, the garden with the many animals and fairies.
Fairies are the biggest pull for a youngster when choosing a book.
To them…your book is enticing from the first page.
Judging from your writing, I would say that children’s books should be your first choice.
You do it so well with excellent description.
Molly needs to have eight legs, not seven. Not much but kiddies will notice it.
Love ‘The Wise Willow’, well suited to this story.
Your great assortments of characters make for an enchanting story.
I really do wish you well with your book. There are far too few good books in the shops for the age group you’re writing for.
Pleased to star-rate this with many stars!!
Well done!!

Thank you for backing my book.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Nice introduction. Only found one thing for you to consider--Hetty and Bobby squirrel like the large forest that sits behind the garden where the fairies have made their home, too. (comma before 'too')
What if the forest stood, rather than sat? Just a suggestion. It's perfectly fine the way you have it, too. Your imagery and character descriptions were delightful. Charming little setting. I look forward to reading the many adventures of Sammy and Molly. I should have some more time tomorrow night to read on, but til then, highly starred! :)

God bless,
Trista

Hi Dawn

Well this is really sweet and adorable, just the sort of thing younger children love. There is plenty in your tale to keep children entertained and really nice characterisation and use of dialogue.

I will heavily star and add to WL.

Best of luck with this,

Claire-Nab

Hi Dawn, I finally managed to get time to look at your book. Sorry it took a few days. :(

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Oh this rings a bell. I think I read this and backed it a long time ago :). Since I'm back, I'll have a closer look.

Chapter 1: I love the tone of this. v sweet. The image of the housecleaning spider and mouse is v cute. if this book's going to have any pictures, I think the cleaning would make a wonderful one, especially if they both had aprons.

Oh no, Sammy's bed is swelling. Something must be done! Phew, it sounds as if the Wise Willow will be able to help. That's a relief.

I've 1 small suggestion here. I don't think you need beats and speech tags at the same time. eg in " "Sorry," I said, blushing from my neck up." the reader can figure out who's speaking from the beat. I think " "Sorry." I blushed from the neck up." would work better and use 1 less word.

Reading on... I like the banter between Molly and Sammy. I think it's full of character and lots of fun. Hmmm this Willow does sound v old and v wise. I'm sure he'll help. By the end of the chapter, I can't wait to hear what Sammy asks the Willow. :)

Chapter 2: Very wise checking for cats. I'd do the same. Evil cats grrrr.

Tiny nitpick. You mention Molly flying past on her web. That didn't make sense to me. Unless I missed it, Molly hasn't made a web in this chapter to run across or to use as a sort of parachute. (If I missed this happening, please ignore this nit. :))

Reading on...

I've a small suggestion here. I think, occasionally, you don't need to explain so much. eg in "I yelped in surprise as I walked straight into it" the reader can figure out why Sammy's yelping. So I think "I yelped as I walked straight into it" would work better.

Reading on... Poor Sammy. All those nasty thorns. I sympathise, having been on the receiving end a few times myself :(. And then the poor mouse falls over too. And then there's the busines with the furball. He's not having a good day at all, is he? :(

I think the bit where the wise willow laughs at Sammy's fun, as is the reaction. And then it looks like the wise willow solves the bed problem. Success.

Chapter 3: Oh there isn't a chapter 3 :(. I looked through all your chapters and it looks like you've only uploaded 2 chapters. I wanted to read more of Sammy's adventures. :)

OK I enjoyed what I read of your story. I think there's a real warmth and sweetness to your writing. I can imagine young children wanting to follow Sammy's and Molly's adventures, begging to hear them over and over again until parents are thoroughly fed up ;). And I think there's plenty of scope for some lovely drawings if you wish to add them into the final work.

I've rated this v highly, and hope you find an agent publisher v soon. :)

Best of luck,

Pete x

Well it could be a charming tale. What a shame you only have around 800 words loaded, and the rest repeated. I'll be happy to have a look at it again when you have more loaded. One typo, 'your right' should be 'you're right.'
Nice writing. Marj.

My Friends and Me...Sammy and the Wise Willow.
Chapter 1 - 'Parched' might be a difficult word for young children to comprehend - perhaps, really thirsty?
'You never ask a lady her age' - adults reading to children will enjoy the joke.
Like the littl ebit of conflict between Sammy and Molly about the Wise Willos knowing everything.
Molly has seven legs? Did something happen to one of them in the first book? If so, it might be an idea to mention this as arachnoids have eight legs.
Chapter 2 - Sammy seems to be rather accident prone. Liked the fur ball idea.
I would have read more but these two chapters seem to be all you have posted on the site.
Sammy and Molly's relationship comes over well and both are very likable characters, ideally suited for young children.
I'm assuming, My Friends and me, is targetted at young children (4-7) whose parents will read to them, as a very nice tone coming through the prose indicates this. I feel some of the language seems a little too advanced for this age group and there is a danger, adults will have to break off the read to explain what some words mean. I would suggest keeping the language as simple as possible to enable a young child to understand. A few problems with missing speech marks can be sorted out during the next edit.

Nanty - Chrys!

What a marvellous story. Very happily backed. Best wishes, Emily

Dear Dawn!
Sammy and his friends are so gorgeous that I couldn’t stop reading your story!!! You tell it from Sammy the mouse’s point of view, and that’s certainly a huge point in favor. Makes the whole thing so much more enjoyable. I love kind tales like yours, and judging by your pitch I figured out this is going to be a compelling read.

It was a bit unusual to me, when you referred to the Wise Willow as ‘he’. You see, I’m from Belarus, and in my culture most names of trees are feminine, and so is the willow. It didn’t spoil the story for me by any means, it’s just an observation that might interest you.

The only point I was sorry about is the book jacket. Unfortunately I couldn’t see Sammy waving at me on the front cover, but I’d love to. I’m sure that’s fixable, isn’t it?

Thank you for an enjoyable story. When “My Friends” is complete I’d love to return to it and read the whole story over again.
Here’s a question for you: why are chapters 2 and 4 the same?

Star rated with pleasure.
Kindest regards.

Ivan
The Beholder

Dear Dawn,

So sorry It took me so long to comment on your work. But my prolonged distance to emphasize the nature of this site, has thankfully led me to true writers like yourself, and not those who pass themselves of as so, spouting their politically correct punctuated diatribe just to raise their profile and popularity. There is little to found on a site as futile as this, but your book is one of those rare ones that both myself and my two oldest boys enjoyed thoroughly. There is an essence of Dunbar, [ Which I don't know if you were influenced by her ], but you have managed to create a captivating tale, which children will read with real please. An obvious elucidatory mind is on display with your delightful and quirky characters, that carry your story along real well. Wonderfully written and well worth my support. Good luck with everything and take care. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Dear Dawn,

So sorry It took me so long to comment on your work. But my prolonged distance to emphasize the nature of this site, has thankfully led me to true writers like yourself, and not those who pass themselves of as so, spouting their politically correct punctuated diatribe just to raise their profile and popularity. There is little to found on a site as futile as this, but your book is one of those rare ones that both myself and my two oldest boys enjoyed thoroughly. There is an essence of Dunbar, [ Which I don't know if you were influenced by her ], but you have managed to create a captivating tale, which children will read with real please. An obvious elucidatory mind is on display with your delightful and quirky characters, that carry your story along real well. Wonderfully written and well worth my support. Good luck with everything and take care. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Dear Dawn,

So sorry It took me so long to comment on your work. But my prolonged distance to emphasize the nature of this site, has thankfully led me to true writers like yourself, and not those who pass themselves of as so, spouting their politically correct punctuated diatribe just to raise their profile and popularity. There is little to found on a site as futile as this, but your book is one of those rare ones that both myself and my two oldest boys enjoyed thoroughly. There is an essence of Dunbar, [ Which I don't know if you were influenced by her ], but you have managed to create a captivating tale, which children will read with real please. An obvious elucidatory mind is on display with your delightful and quirky characters, that carry your story along real well. Wonderfully written and well worth my support. Good luck with everything and take care. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Hi Dawn,

This is a great idea as a book for young children but you do use the occassional word which is above the reading level of your target age group and there are a few punctuation issues.

Also why does the spider only have seven legs instead of the usual eight?

Ron

A wonderful children's story! I love reading these, it's a nice break in the serious novels around here. I think this has the right tone and happy feeling you find in an adventurous book. It's easy to read and a treat for us adults as well as kids. I wish you luck with this!

Missy

Hi Dawn,

this is a lovely, fresh, simple tale. I think the characters are very engaging and will help children to develop their reading skills as they are drawn in easily. I wish you all the best with the series.

I was a little confused to start with as it seems chapters 1 and 2 have been uploaded 10 times! - but now see this is to be continued. I look forward to reading the rest.

If you have chance, I would appreciate your feedback on my children's book - also the beginning of a series - for around the same age group, perhaps a year or two older - 'The Cloud Drivers: The Giant's Storm'.

Best wishes
Clare Morris

Hi Dawn,
I thought I should tell you that I had a rough day at work today, came home, and "reached" again for your book. In no time at all, I was feeling human. Thank you,
John B Campbell

A lovely story for the young. Short sentences simple language and not patronizing. Backed, Regards, Anne

Hi Dawn,
I was surprised to find myself reading a children's book--and loving it. The pleasant tone of your work, and nice narrative, carried me further into the book. I do belief I shall have to finish My Friends and Me . . . I wish it were available for purchase now. I'd get a few copies and spread the good cheer around. I'm sure that will come to be. I have starred this and put it in my WL. I need to be loyal to my current shelf for a reasonable bit of time. But I would like to back this fine book.
Regards,
John Campbell/Nigel Fields . . . Walk to Paradise Garden

MY FRIENDS AND ME

Dear Dawn,

This is a very sweet book. The pitch needs editing Wise willow, etc. the exclamation marks need to be used more judiciously. Other wise it reads like a charm.
I have assigned it many stars and put it on my WL. It will go on my book shelf when there is room.
A Zoomer

MY FRIENDS AND ME
I felt sure I had already commented on this but alas couldn't find my comment! Perhaps I just read it earlier. I thought this a super book for children. You characters are fun and friendly, and you have a charming way with words. Your writing has a freshness - natural and spontaneous. I thought you had plotted the storyline well and it was a breeze to read.
Simply lovely!
Starred and very good luck
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

I'm no expert on children's fiction but this seems a delightful story to me.
the only little nit I found was in chapter 2, in the first paragraph where you say 'Molly IS dusting the old cobwebs away' in the present tense, and then you say 'humming to herself as she DID' in the past tense.
This is going on my shelf today.
Gill

Dawn,
I'm assuming this will be illustrated in some way so, given that, this should work for young children. It's got the ingredients kids need at that age to sustain their attention - repetition, simplicity, questions. It should cerainly, effectively, engage the listener (it strikes me as more the kind of book you'd read to a child).
Good luck with it.

Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

A charming story with lively and likeable characters! I would love to see it as an illustrated children's story.
Best wishes
Karen

I have to say I wasn't sure about the use of the first person here. I'm not sure if this age group do well when asked to directly relate to a character.
The story is charming and must speak strongly to a young audience, but I did wonder if the laugage was a bit old fashioned. Obviously this tale doesn't lend itself to being "street wise", but if it was just a little "cooler" it might widen its appeal.
Delightful.
Best of luck.

My Friends and Me is a positively enchanting story for young children, written with simple beauty that will evoke images and feelings in any reader, regardless of the age. My only suggestion, and this is subjective, is the prologue. The voice is completely different, and the "once upon a time" did nothing to make me want to read. I had no idea what a lovely narrative style the author has developed, and had I not clicked to the first chapter proper, I would have never known. If a prologue is something an editor prefers, it can be easily added in before publication.

I think it was the sweeping of the cobwebs to make room for new ones that stole my heart. I adore the image and the thought behind it. Molly rubbing her seven legs together with glee is another. And the more literal descriptions, such as the willow. In this story I became a child again, and revisited my oneness with nature. I felt like I was experiencing Disney anew, because it is that love for the natural world and the creatures of the natural world that has made Disney into what it is. Based on what I've read so far, Mickey Mouse has a fabulous contemporary in Sammy. Brava.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

This is just right for the age group. You are not taking down to them and the language is pitched right. It's a nice easy reader and the chapters a nice lenght.

Backed.

Red

Delightful read. Backed with pleasure.
Best wishes,
M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

I'm sure small children will love it, especially if you get a really good illustrator. Keep up the good work Jaye

I think I may have to read a few pages of this to my nine-year-old brother and sister (twins). I think They might enjoy it.
WL
~Richard
Twin Fates

Such a wonderful presentation. A pleasure to read.

Ok, Dawn, I have not read a book from the children's section for a long, long time and this would the first. My friends and me, reminded me of the books my mum (and dad) used to read to us when we were kiddies - wonderfully descriptive that we could almost see the 'adventure' happen before our very eyes in full Walt Disney animation - I was lost again in a world where Beauty sings with her chirpy, energetic and funny friends in a forest alive with colours and everything nice! I went to sleep with a smile and felt the love of my parents again. Thank you so very much - Hanyxxx P.S. Will this book be accompanied with illustrations/drawings? Please say, it will.

Well, that appears to be all there is - chapters one and two repeat themselves again and again.

Reread your pitches, which also are rife with usage issues. "This is the continuing adventures..." should be either "These are..." or "...adventure...".

I'm very sorry, but this isn't a manuscript that is in shape to show anyone. At best, this is a brief first draft. Please work on it more and post it again here.

Dawn - As I mentioned to you, I absolutely love a good children's story. I read them still as an adult for my own pleasure. A children's story needs to be very clean and clear. The grammar, spelling, syntax, and punctuation, etc., need to be perfect, because a child is learning subliminally how to read, write, and speak the language from the story. The child cannot be asked to form abstract thoughts or to guess very much; everything must be evident at first reading. That said, your manuscript needs a great deal of work before it's going to be ready to show to a publisher. I've only read two chapters in - I will keep going to get a sense of the overall story, but I want to point out some issues in view of the comments made above.

Chapter 1 -

The very first sentence changes unexpectedly from past to present tense; a child can be confused by that.

The period is missing from the final sentence at the end of chapter.

Chapter 2 -

The reader is not told who the narrator is. Yes, an adult can hold the thought and infer from Molly saying the name "Sammy" who it is, but you need to be clear much more quickly who the narrator is; a child's attention span is not going to hold the question until you finally reveal it finally, and then only implicitly, in what Molly says.

Bad grammar - "there's holes" (there ARE holes), "beds a mess" (use an apostrophe), "sort-out" (no hyphen), "time its self" (time ITSELF)

Several instances of missing commas. This is not minor. Commas help grownups, and especially young readers, find their way through complex sentences. Remember the adage that punctuation saves lives ("Let's eat, Grandma!" versus "Let's eat Grandma!"). Examples: "that's nice Molly", "Yes me too", "her age Sammy", "young mouse but", "Hi Molly", "Yes but", "okay with me Sammy dear".

No antecedent noun - "They're not very big" - You don't say who "they" are - I''m guessing you mean willows in general, but I'm not sure, and I'm a grownup; how is a child to know?

Lower-case "s" in "She said" in the last line of chapter 2.

Finally, the plot to this point seems rather contrived. I don't feel that the characters are really motivated to go see the Wise Willow; it feels more like the author wants to get them there.

Dear Dawn Headley,

Hi, it's Billy. How are you? I am a fan of childrens' literature and have enjoyed getting the opportunity to know some of your story. The experience of it was very nice, and I want to tell you that I know that it is safe to say that it is good. I hope you find comfort and loving support in just the way your characters give and recieve it. Well, there is much still to see about things. The world is a beautiful place when show to us by the right guides. It is a good place then, and one feels secure from harm. Have a nice day!

With Love,

Billy McBride

Ch 1: I am wondering what age group this is targeting. Will look at Ch 2 and see if I can figure it out from there.

I just loved this. :)

I can imagine it in a play - with J.M.Barrie's ghost hovering somewhere above the first rows, smiling happily. A few typos but that's small potatoes, really. For your target group it's a joy. For big boys like me...unfortunately, most of us have lost that fairy dust. And I'm so pleased to see a book in the standart manuscript format - being professional is half the journey, huh? Watchlisted and backed with the first chance I get!

Dear Dawn, I've skipped through chapters here and there found the same lively, effervescent, prose that engages the reader's inner child and urges them to keep turning the pages. Shelved. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Hi Dawn

A lovely book for young children, with natural dialogue and a sweet relationship between the spider and the mouse. My son said he thought it was very comforting. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness. Other than that, this is a charming story with interesting and well-fleshed out creatures. Inventive premise. Lovely descriptions. Fresh, natural dialogue. Sharp, wise narrative. A magical storyline. A delight to read. Backed.

delightful read
backed with pleasure

green h - though green's eyes

A totally delightful book.
Magical. Chilldren will love this.

Backed :D

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Lovely and fresh. I can easily imagine enjoying this as a child. Already backed. Sarah

Hi, I really like your story. I don't read children's stories often anymore haha, but I could read about Sammy and Molly 100 times...they are super cute. Good luck with their future adventures :)

Very appealing to the younger children. A delightful tale and very colourful characters. Backed with pleasure.
Eunice.

I've read the first 2 chapters and so far this is a well written, enjoyable and easily read children's book. I am gladly backing it. Have a wonderful day!

- Scott