The Dreamings

I find this book intriguing. After the first four chapters I have a sense of where it is going but can't wait to join Caleigh on her journey. There are a few niggling problems which undermine the writer's credibility, though. Does Caleigh drive a jeep, a generic term for a four-wheel drive vehicle, or a Jeep, a brand of vehicle? Chinese is not a language; most Chinese speak either Mandarin or Guandong (Cantonese) dialect, or both. Muscles are the things that render movement to our bodies; mussels are the shellfish one eats. Nothing a through proofreading couldn't correct. Having said that, I enjoyed the book and hope Ms. Cummings finds the success she deserves. Four stars and my watchlist. - Zuojia Gao
If you would please read my work, "Kailia and the Dragon Prince", and provide constructive feedback it would be greatly appreciated.

Very ambitious pitch this. If the author can tie all that together success is virtually guaranteed. A quick look at Anthony Waldstocks 'scorching mother earth' (on this site) might be appropriate for Caleigh when she joins that international council on environmental devastation. I wondered about the car alarm waking her from her stupor rather than her mothers phone call to give her the devastating news about her father. Surely the adrenaline would have already kicked in ? The hospital scenes and the enigmatic words of her father as he dies are well judged and the subsequent grief and devastation of Caleigh and her mother are touching and affecting. Not sure I believe that a muliply injured man can dictate that he wants to be flown thousands of miles home to die rather than be taken to the nearest capable trauma unit but poetic licence reasonably wins out here. I'll be reading on to establish whether the storyline convinces without quickly encountering that first point of improbability so common in this sort of storyline. I'm sitting on the fence for the moment with this one but there is no doubting the talent and ambition of the author.

Dear Karen, I was so impressed with your wonderful tale. It took me along the journey of another generous story called, " The Spirit "! But your emphasis on the perils of our environment, made it a current tale that was told really well. The way you share the coming of age of Caleigh, and the responsibilities that she carries after her Father has gone. The story grows and grows with every page, the gravitating parables that continue to pull the reader in. An excellent read and worthy of recognition. Good luck and best wishes. Take care, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Karen, I enjoyed the preface and first chapter. I like how you talk about hearing the grass growing at dawn. Only nit I have is grammatical and has to do with your lack of hyphens. [snow topped and fine boned, should be snow-topped and fine-boned], though I see that you hyphenate other terms in that first chapter.

Good job overall.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

You are a busy person. Happy to back your lovely book. I Hope you check out The Temple Dancer. Eunice.

I read 1, and it was tight ahead to and neat, nothing I could do for you there. So I skipped ahead to 12 to see if you had remained constant and you had.
You've got it under control.

Such an interesting premise, full of philosophical implications. In just the first three chapters you open up so much. It'll be exciting to see what you create with the rest of the narrative. Good luck!

Benjamin Dancer

Dear Karen, i really liked the preface, it was intriguing and your descriptive elements are excellent. Amazingly enough, and this may be a controversial idea, but I wondered whether the story would have read better in the third person. iI generally love 1st person dialogue but there is something in your novel that makes the use of first person a little too close, almost trite during this very emotional first chapter. I found it uncomfortable, but I'm willing to believe I could be the only one. Descriptive elements were really good and at times brilliant, premise, very intriguing, the dialogue in fact was the weakest element, it seemed a little stagey. backed all the same as the flow is extremely good. x Daisy

Backed with pleasure

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

Yes, great voice which always takes a reader directly into the story. Minor points tripped me up, for eg. last paragraph chapter one - 'the room became dizzy...' - the room began to swirl? or something - rooms don't, themselves, become dizzy. Also, you have two 'rooms' words in one sentence. Minor, minor points, but just things that tidy up the text. Backed.
Polly
STONES

Thanks so much for the comments (and detail). Think I've caught a few of the things mentioned already in my "go through" ... but can't remember if I caught "breached" or not. Will go back and apply.

Once we're into chapter 1, this manages to show stunning scenery without distracting from the urgency of the phone call ... the emotion comes across strongly, 'Hurry meant hopeless'. Brilliant touch with the comment re paying for parking, and I'm loving the force of the language, 'I exploded onto the third floor'. Gah, he wants to see his daughter before his wife ... something is adrift with reality, 'it will be hard to understand'. Then, 'the unmistakable scent of ravaged flesh'. The raw grief is shown with real mastery.

It keeps it going in chapter 2, 'I wondered if the dead took pieces of us with them'. Sheesh, the mother's comment about not having to search for him in the wind. Later, after all the turmoil, Caleigh reflects on how her father and brother excluded her, until her brother died and she eventually took on his role. Guilt. 'That was the first night I had the dreams'. And in chapter 3 we see how interesting they are. LOL , the man of her dreams. Something is trying to tell her something, but it's all a mystery to be unravelled...

Karen, I must admit I was surprised by how much this impressed me. Such fantasy rarely has the depth of emotional wisdom shown here. Caleigh is both strong and fragile, and I suspect a not-fully-prepared substitute for her father in some massive undertaking which involves saving the world from environmental disaster. Topical fantasy with authoritative characterisation and excellent writing ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: slight rewording: '...not only allows her to communicate with and track others in her dreams, but also gains her a position on an international council...'

Story: You're treading slightly dangerous ground with your preface, addressing the reader, including them in the philosophy, and telling them they are selfish ... it might alienate a few. After reading the compelling writing that follows, I'd suggest you cut this out and put it somewhere safe, and then see if you miss it.

'I swallowed back the burning ... the back of my throat', omit first 'back'. 'bedside chairs[,] did not ease'. 'The room became dizzy', not possible, 'the room seemed to spin / to blur'? 'scueak [squeak]'. 'There were 4 [four] men', the convention in fiction is normally to spell out small numbers. 'the circle's been breeched [breached]'. 'If I had have been'. It would help to emphasise more in her dream that she feels detached, to explain this lack of emotion on the night after the funeral.

Once we're into chapter 1, this manages to show stunning scenery without distracting from the urgency of the phone call ... the emotion comes across strongly, 'Hurry meant hopeless'. Brilliant touch with the comment re paying for parking, and I'm loving the force of the language, 'I exploded onto the third floor'. Gah, he wants to see his daughter before his wife ... something is adrift with reality, 'it will be hard to understand'. Then, 'the unmistakable scent of ravaged flesh'. The raw grief is shown with real mastery.

It keeps it going in chapter 2, 'I wondered if the dead took pieces of us with them'. Sheesh, the mother's comment about not having to search for him in the wind. Later, after all the turmoil, Caleigh reflects on how her father and brother excluded her, until her brother died and she eventually took on his role. Guilt. 'That was the first night I had the dreams'. And in chapter 3 we see how interesting they are. LOL , the man of her dreams. Something is trying to tell her something, but it's all a mystery to be unravelled...

Karen, I must admit I was surprised by how much this impressed me. Such fantasy rarely has the depth of emotional wisdom shown here. Caleigh is both strong and fragile, and I suspect a not-fully-prepared substitute for her father in some massive undertaking which involves saving the world from environmental disaster. Topical fantasy with authoritative characterisation and excellent writing ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: slight rewording: '...not only allows her to communicate with and track others in her dreams, but also gains her a position on an international council...'

Story: You're treading slightly dangerous ground with your preface, addressing the reader, including them in the philosophy, and telling them they are selfish ... it might alienate a few. After reading the compelling writing that follows, I'd suggest you cut this out and put it somewhere safe, and then see if you miss it.

'I swallowed back the burning ... the back of my throat', omit first 'back'. 'bedside chairs[,] did not ease'. 'The room became dizzy', not possible, 'the room seemed to spin / to blur'? 'scueak [squeak]'. 'There were 4 [four] men', the convention in fiction is normally to spell out small numbers. 'the circle's been breeched [breached]'. 'If I had have been'. It would help to emphasise more in her dream that she feels detached, to explain this lack of emotion on the night after the funeral.

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

First let me apologies, I backed your book after an initial read and have only just got round to commenting (been editing).

Thought chapter one was brilliant!!
You set this up so well with intrigue through emotion. What I also think is superb is the character build you do with Caleigh at the same time.
You start addressing environmental values and link them into a great storyline. To me this is a very clever and well thought out book.

Hi Karen,
I think your pitch is really great - very compelling along with your beautiful cover art. I don't think you need the last paragraph of your pitch. It's up to the reader to judge your book, whether it's witty for example. And you've already introduced the concept of discovering her destiny in the prior paragraph. Just a suggestion! It's otherwise very well done!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe
Would you consider backing MEMORIES OF GLORY? I thank you for taking a look.

A very important summit is being held in Belize but the man organising it dies while on a mountaineering trip. The man is a husband and father, he is also a renowned journalist. So his daughter Carleigh takes over the reins. But she has strange dreams about car salesmen, a welshman and Australian aborigines and a park ranger. Maybe somebody is trying to stop the summit, so when Daktoa, Jamil and Atka appear for real she's stunned. The dream dance had meaning, and maybe her fathers death was no accident because somebody is trying to kill her.
Bold story about an environmentalist trying to save the planet with an odd assortment of bedfellows for support.
Backed with pleasure.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Hi Karen. You opening chapters are very emotional. I really felt for Caleigh. Her character was nicely introduced through your writing. The dreams were really intriguing and the way she tries to decipher them adds to this. Your style is really good and your writing flows. Best of luck with this! Maria (Cosmic Linx)

"Just" a screenwriter? Ha! I'm "just" a journalist (sometimes). Have to admit when I wrote it I had visions of screenplays in my head. Not that getting published wouldn't be enough of a lottery win ... a movie would just be the icing on the cake. Guess my dreams weren't limited to the book ...

Hi Karen. You have a nice flair for narrative. I'm not a book critic, just a screenwriter jumping into the novel world, learning as I go - however I can spot a good visual. Yours is terrific.

sincerely,
jim

Hi Karen. You have a nice flair for narrative. I'm not a book critic, just a screenwriter jumping into the novel world, learning as I go - however I can spot a good visual. Yours is terrific.

sincerely,
jim

Beautiful prose and a gripping story. I like your writing.
Do go through my book and help me go up the ranks in my genre.
Backed your book.

A Skein of Geese.

A brilliant dilemma. Well written and I love the premise. Read the first chapter, will happily read another. Backed.

Chase

Hi,

Excuse my rudeness but I will comment later.

Backed.

Phil
Danny Murphy

What if you had a choice...... ? life and death...? Love it. Young adults will also. As I keep saying today, I'm short of time as I'm (still!) meant to be packing to go away next week but can't stop reading on here. I will watchlist and read and comment properly on my return, and from I see briefly, back.
Polly
'STONES'

Hi Karen, Strong writing here. The prologue talking to the reader is risky but yours brought me in. Your style has some nice phrases and it’s economic in the telling. That makes the emotion rise and have reality in the father’s death and aftermath. The rest of the story sounds fascinating! Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Karen

Can I suggest that you drop the last para in your pitch? It sounds like the sort of thing that should be on the blurb of your book, not the pitch.

I liked the description of the freshness of the British Columbia dawn. And the observation of her mother's hurt at not being the first person her father asked for. And how moving his death was. I think you probably need to mention her mother's first name earlier - when she's dashing to her husband's deathbed is not the time for a sudden switch in pov.

Overall powerful and convincing. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

The Dreamings

Karen Cummings

Fantasy which includes a worthwhile theme such as saving the planet from environmental disaster is good enough to attract my backing. I think you have an imaginative plot, and I enjoyed what I read of your chapters. The scene with Caleigh and her father dying was a touching one. All in all I think a good match for your target readership. Best of luck with it.. (Great cover by the way.)

Hi Karen, I like your story and think Caleigh is developing into a strong character -- maybe too old ?!! at 24.
Backed and good luck, Barry (55!)

LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

I do like your use of the first person narrative. You build the intensity of Caleigh's belief's in your Preface and then go on from there to explore well her thoughts, feelings and emmotions. Your use of short paragraphs and crisp dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely.

Your descriptive and imaginative writing is sure to appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Funny - she was younger originally ... till my neice said she thought she should be older. Caleigh was 22 and Dakota 28 ... hmmm, maybe I should rethink again. Easy to change. Great to have the other comments too. I'm due for go through number 3 ... so am hoping with everyone's comments I can make it rock (or at least beat a loud drum.) :)

THE DREAMINGS: Your writing is passionate and Caleigh is a great MC. I like the premise with the environmental bent. Something that stopped me in the first chapter: Caleigh's age. First by how it was presented: "8 years old, 16 years ago..." My English brain had to stop and calculate how old she is. :) Second, all of your numbers should be written out. Eight, instead of 8 etc. Finally, twenty-four is a little old for a YA main character. I don't know if you can make her younger? Also, the end of chapter two where she begins to have the dreams seems to be where the end of chapter one should be. It's where I said, "Ah, this is where the story is starting." I like your descriptions of the hospital and the funeral, but I'm not sure it is all necessary. Maybe cut it back some and insert relevant information into other chapters. All in all, really, really like your writing.

Heidi
Pearl Edda

THE DREAMINGS: Your writing is passionate and Caleigh is a great MC. I like the premise with the environmental bent. Something that stopped me in the first chapter: Caleigh's age. First by how it was presented: "8 years old, 16 years ago..." My English brain had to stop and calculate how old she is. :) Second, all of your numbers should be written out. Eight, instead of 8 etc. Finally, twenty-four is a little old for a YA main character. I don't know if you can make her younger? Also, the end of chapter two where she begins to have the dreams seems to be where the end of chapter one should be. It's where I said, "Ah, this is where the story is starting." I like your descriptions of the hospital and the funeral, but I'm not sure it is all necessary. Maybe cut it back some and insert relevant information into other chapters. All in all, really, really like your writing.

Heidi
Pearl Edda

You have a smooth voice, great characters, and the story intriguing. I'll back this for you. Dave

Hi Karen
This is a really powerful opening. My heart was pounding as I scrolled down the screen. You set the pace nicely with a good mix of narrative and dialogue. You obviously have a skill for writing in this genre as it all flowed so naturally. Great work.
DP Walker
Five Dares

I love this story.
The message is moving!
Example: paying for parking at such a tragic time....I can identify with the character and the narrative is awesome.
Great subject for which the plot works well.
Good Luck!
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Definitely a book I will be reading very soon, The short pitch was quite a good hook. Choices, and tough ones at that. Backing this book.

Thank you so much for the comments. I agree. Needs another edit ... I've actually said before that Caleigh is tortured ... but I shouldn't have to torture the reader by her over analyzing :)... I have already planned on going through one more time and skimming it down. "descriptive overload" .... well said.

15 July 2010
The Dreamings seemed to have a meandering philosophical bent in the preface -- until I walked slap--bang into the killer! Awesome. The narrative that follows is couched in flowing descriptive prose and the plot develops smoothly as we learn of the protagonist's uncommon connection with her mother. Unfortunately, the text becomes a little too 'busy' in later chapters as the sentences suffer from descriptive overload. The premise, the initial chapters, character development and plot make this worthy of backing but a certain amount of tweak is required. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

15 July 2010
The Dreamings seemed to have a meandering philosophical bent in the preface -- until I walked slap--bang into the killer! Awesome. The narrative that follows is couched in flowing descriptive prose and the plot develops smoothly as we learn of the protagonist's uncommon connection with her mother. Unfortunately, the text becomes a little too 'busy' in later chapters as the sentences suffer from descriptive overload. The premise, the initial chapters, character development and plot make this worthy of backing but a certain amount of tweak is required. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

This is a story where the prologue really works. I read the first two chapters and I have to say, this feels very real to me. I felt really awful for Caleigh and her mother. I also really appreciated your transitions from each chapter into the next. Clean and vivid. Backed.

Melissa
Burns Like the Sun

I love this piece. It's gorgeous, original, gritty and immediately engaging. What more can anyone ask for?

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

KAREN' THE DREAMINGS'
just finished reading the first chapter and how heart breaking it is. the preface is very well written and a premise of whats to come,well done. the dawn and the drive into Kimberley very descriptive and sets the scene very well. then the change of pace and the rush to the hospital, this is a very good read indeed. and will read more.
backed with pleasure'
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
if you can spare a minute read mine back/comment please'

My brother died that day or my brother had died that day?

Anyway, this definitely one of the best books on autonomy. It is so real i can feel the emotions and the setting.

Very good andyou manage to conjure up immense suspense well.

backed
THE THIRD EYE

Thanks for the pitch analysis. I agree with you ... I kind of wrote the pitch quickly ... just sort of seeing what this was all about. I'll revise and see if I can make it punchier. Hopefully I can take at yours within the next few days ... man - there's a lot of them on here! Makes you really wonder how anyone is actually seen or heard ... but I guess if one doesn't try :)

Welcome aboard, Karen. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch should end with one succinct question and not have several scattered throughout. Then have the paragraph broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Welcome aboard, Karen. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch works. The long pitch should end with one succinct question and not have several scattered throughout. Then have the paragraph broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Original and refreshing storyline that will appeal to the YA reader. Not my usual genre, but I enjoyed the fine writing and characterizations. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read anc back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Yes ... I've experienced it. Emotion can be so visual sometimes ... especially grief for some reason. Thanks for reading.

The feeling of dread and panic is excellently evoked, especially in the bit where Siobahn knocks the teddy a man is carrying and notices the relief in his demeanour after maybe fearing bad news. Both his and her feelings are true. I'm afraid you must actually have experienced this - the mind straying to insignificant things that stay with you always as a reminderof such a time.
Your scenes are beautiful and clear. Your dialogue rings true. Excellent. Backed. Lynn

The feeling of dread and panic is excellently evoked, especially in the bit where Siobahn knocks the teddy a man is carrying and notices the relief in his demeanour after maybe fearing bad news. Both his and her feelings are true. I'm afraid you must actually have experienced this - the mind straying to insignificant things that stay with you always as a reminderof such a time.
Your scenes are beautiful and clear. Your dialogue rings true. Excellent. Backed. Lynn

Well done. You truly have a gift for descriptive narrative which is tricky to accomplish when writing in the first person. My favourite line so far - “The air was a little heavier, accompanied by a mist-like quality when the first drops of sunlight intermingled with the colour of night.”

Jenny
Remember Newvember

Wow! What a start. I was immediately drawn in during the preface as Caleigh 'looked into the eyes of (her) killer'. And I certainly wasn't disappointed as I continued with the story. It's not often that I meet a character whose thoughts so accurately mirror my own. I've found this in Caleigh and in your poetic and powerful language. Good stuff.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

DREAMINGS
This is a good story. The opening chapter is dramatic with Caleigh’s father dying altho if he was bleeding, why she didn’t call for a doctor seems a little strange. Caleigh is s a good main character; she’s likable and certainly sympathetic because of her father’s death. The idea of being able to communicate with others through dreams is intriguing. Makes this a good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Grian of Salt).