A Wolf In She's Clothing

Love the chicken or the egg. Different but intriguing so have rated and placed it on my Wl for further reading. By the way Love France too!
Red

I've only looked at the first couple of chapters and may come back for more later. Meantime, a spin on my shelf for what it's worth. (Not much as I have not TSR) The first chapter is especially strong and intriguing. I'm not a big fantasy fan but your concept is also fresh and worthy. Now, I'll admit that I didn't like your introduction to Michael via his rhyming songs. Too cute, and too obvious by half. You managed to get inside the head of the she-wolf in chapter 1, surely you can do the same for the cowboy in chapter 2? To begin with, he has to be doing something when we first meet him. I like "Seven years ago he had come through this country" as a first line, but I have no idea what he's doing in the chapter. Is he driving through looking at scenary? On a horse? This is problematic, but again I'm shelving on the basis of Chapter 1 and your concept. You'll figure out the rest.

Hi Leila. I know I promised to do a reading a while ago. I don't usually read fantasy and I think that, subconsciously, kept me away longer than I intended. I do have a bias against fantasy so I may not be the best choice as a reader. I will attempt to focus on technique more than anything.

You have a compelling opening but, know what? You do something I don't like (doesn't mean it's wrong). You use the word "had" a lot. It's not just passive voice (which you also use a lot of), but it makes your writing choppy and keeps you from expressing yourself. Example in Paragraph 2: You say, "The hunting had been successful..." but the use of the word "had" along with the passive "been" allows you to skip showing the reader how and what was accomplished. Why did she not have the energy to return to the den?

You picked a really tough project - to convey the thoughts of an animal and to do it almost entirely in narrative. The premise is good but the narrative,, though well written, is slow. Let me suggest a couple of things for you to think about. If you want to set the stage, do it in a prologue (you did a pretty good job with your pitch). I would take everything leading to the transformation, condense it and write it along the lines of your pitch. At least you used more active voice there. Then, start your book with Chapter 2.

Alternatively, if you want to keep this as an expressive chapter, you've got to write all that narrative in more active voice. Dialogue is also a good way to move things along. I know it's hard to write dialogue with only one character, but you have several opportunities to change some of that narrative into expressed "thought". Thoughts, like dialogue, move a scene faster than narrative. Example (I just picked one): You say, "She never minded these things before. This change effected not only her body but her thinking as well." You are telling us what's going on. Try showing us, "I've never minded these things before, but now the change is effecting the way I think as well as how my body looks, feels, functions...". Which do you think moves your story along better?

Look, I'm not a trained writer; I only say what I feel. You don't have to take anything I say seriously and, certainly, I don't say anything to be mean. I just try to help.

Good luck with your book.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

Wow, your book is really great. It's well written and extremely interesting. I'm so glad my friend David asked me to take a look at it.

Dear Leila:
It is my pleasure to read your book. I really appreciate my friend--David recommend your book to me. I just start to read and I believe I will fall in love with your work. Good luck.

Enjoyed the detail you place in the first chapter. Decided to back it.

Leila,
I found your book unusual, to say the least. I've read of changelings before but the brew you've mixed involving a she-wolf turned human and procreating with a cowboy to poduce a love child with more than human qualities, is strangely intoxicating. I had a sampling and couldn't get enough. Your prose is clear and conciase, your dialogue well put together. Thank you so much for the entertaining read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Such an interesting idea for a story! It's backwards. I'm not great at coming up with things to comment on, but this is so fun. Ranked it highly.

An intriguing read, and an excellent idea. Can an animal think this clearly? I'm not sure. But right at the end of the fiirst chapter, a human memory intrudes in her dream. Is this body memory? Has the wolf's brain inhabited a different human's body? The reader will have to continue to find out.

The writing could do with editing, so that each sentence sings with clear meaning, and the thinking is in an active voice. eg: It was a memory scolding her, a young one's voice.
The memory of a young one's voice scolded her.
Easily fixed.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

My friend David keeps recommending me to read your book. Once I started to read your book, I got the reason why he did that. Thanks for your nice work.

This is such an interesting concept. It's much better than a recent movie I saw. Good job. And I was liking Michael so I can see why the wolf will too!!! (I only read to Chapter 3.)

Hi, Leila:
Nice to read your book. I read David's Mankind's end last week and he recommended me your book. I think I will enjoy reading your book as well.

Cool... if the first chapter don't keep you reading I don't what would. That pitch really drew me into this. Well done on that.
Good story (seem so, though I only read 2 chapters and skimmed a few more), and you have a fine voice for it. Superb writing in my opinion. Very nice flow, easy to read. I love it... place, characters, dialog... just darn well done. I think this should do well. On my shelf for sure. Best of luck with it.

A Wolf In She’s Clothing is a evocative read. I enjoyed reading about the female wolf and how she suddenly finds herself as an ‘upright’. Michael in chapter 2 is dreaming. . .or is he? A naked vision runs out of sight and he follows her. This is an interesting chapter and I enjoyed his response. We are transported into chapter 3 and into the mind of the wolf-now-a-woman as she finds a barn and clothes to wear. The interlocking stories work well and there are plenty of visuals to fuel the mind. In chapter 3 Michael is watching and in chapter 4, she is aware of danger. But the sensations she feels are well delivered. They are still animal. I enjoyed this book immensely. Starred highly. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

I like you book very much! Thanks to my friends Gary Xie and David Welch' recommendation I got the chance to know you and your book! Keep going~ I will back up you~!

Wow, your book is really great. It's well written and extremely interesting. I'm so glad my friend David asked me to take a look at it.

Hi Leila, comments as promised. Read your first three chapters and found it very well written with lots of good description. A couple of queries - chapter 1: the question of whether she is naked needs to be clarified and I couldn't help thinking what if the other wolves returned? Chapter 2: need the context of where Michael is earlier in the chapter (i.e. on horseback headed away from population). Perhaps need an "exciting incident" or a "dramatic highspot" early on to really hook the reader. Overall, very evocative and captivating. Good luck. Kerry M (Her Soul To Keep)

I read your first two chapters and although the idea is original to some degree I found your prose to be extremely wordy and somewhat boring. There were capital letters here and there that seem out of place. Your hook at the end of chapter 2 is the naked woman and I get that but you will lose the reader way before they get there with so much backstory and mundane information. How is this pop-culture? Skater

"A Wolf In She's Clothing" - Leila Lee. I read the 1st 2 chapters, scanned the 3rd and several comments. Bookshelf and stars for plot originality and humor! Some thoughts: perhaps add "humor" to your pitch; suggest a flashback to when she was "infected" somewhere in the 1st chapter to set up the reader who hasn't read your pitch. In all a pleasant read.

Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

I just love the title of your book, i saw it on someone’s shelf and i had to read the first chapter. The title it self creates a huge curiosity. Though it is scary to read about the her search for food i think this is well written.
Laila Bevan

Hi Leila,

Please excuse the duplicated message. It didn't appear to have registered the first time.

Ron

H Leila,

An good and original story with some amusing scenes. Unfortunately, I have only had time to rrad the first few chapters but I hope to return to it when time permits.

Had I not read your pitch I would not have understood at this stage what was going on. Your pitch won't be part of the book so shouldn't be relied on to explain things. Admittedly, things may be explained further into the story, but the reader might have lost interest by then.

You need to review your story for typos. For instance, you have scrapes which should be scraps and thought which should be though.

Young wolves are called cubs, not pups.

I do think this story is unique enough to find a place on the bookshelfs so I will be backing it for that reason. Good luck with it.

Ron

Hi Leila,

A great story with an original theme and some amusing scenes. Unfortunately I have only had time to read the first few chapters but I hope to return to the story when time permits.

From what I have read of the story, I would have found it a little difficult to understand what was happening if I hadn't read your pitch. Your pitch won't be part of the book so shouldn't be relied on to explain things. I appreciate this may be explained further into the story, but A reader could lose interest before then if he doesn't know what is going on.

You need to review your story for typos. For instance, you have scrapes which should be scraps and thought which shouild be though.

Young wolves are called cubs, not pups.

I do think this story is unique enough to find a place on the bookshelfs so will be backing it for that reason. Good luck with it.

Ron

Hi Leila, have read the first half of the book and really enjoyed so far. A great idea, turning the old idea of a human turning to a wolf after being bitten, on its head. I love your descriptions from the wolf's perspective - concerned with basic thoughts of survival only, ashamed of her body and totally incapable of dressing herself.

I think you have lots of potential here in this tale. Backed with pleasure and looking forward to reading more.

All the best
Clare Morris
The Cloud Drivers: The Giant's Storm

' A Wolf in She's Clothing '

I found your story original and well crafted. Your plot seems well worked out and I would have enjoyed reading more. You have a great imagination and that rare ability of being able to put it into words.

Jane
'Breath in the Dark'

I loved this! It was a quick read and had a different approach.
The she-wolf reminds me of Native American fables. Classic Americana. Great job, I can easily see this in stores.


-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Love your title-clever. Also, love your cover. Did you do the artwork? Your summary is very catchy and I look forward to reading it.

Leila,
I have just finished all of chapters one through five and wish I had time for more.

You have a great premise here, the wolf being forced to live as a human and coming to terms with that. You do a fine job of showing the differences between a wolf and a woman. This section is a bit longer than necessary, but you have much to establish here. I think I would consider pruning the backstory a little; just give hints that you bring up later to fill out. This kind of clue-giving can hook the reader and make the need to keep reading to find the answers a profitable one for the author.

I like the unusual use of words here: " ... a soft, old blue jean kind of night" and "after the starched underwear day in the brittle, bright heat"

Even more of this kind of description would help those readers who have never spent time in Arizona. I have and I know how good these descriptions are to real life as well as being well written.

I think you can carry this theme out if you are careful to show how Elle's reactions are wolf-like and not human-like.

There is an audience out there for this kind of supernatural stuff. Good luck.

Ancient Reader.

A Wolf in She’s Clothing
Cover: Nice, I always wanted a wolf-ear brassiere.
Title: Isn’t this title redundant? nice.
Short pitch: Hm, somekind of reverse werewolf story...wonder what you’d think of the dream I refer to in the beginning of Bulb(but not posted here) - also relates to our Assange talk. I think the short p just fine.
Long p: A story for the whole family. Have you contacted Disney about this one yet? I think this just fine as well.
Text: opening chapter is fun. I think the chant should be something other than chicken or egg. Possibly you are using it to foreshadow something about her true character but it doesn’t seem right that a wolf would turn human and suddenly start chanting human phrases. To me...
Best of luck with this!!
-=B

Hi Leila!

I did enjoy reading the first couple of chapters of your book. Here are my initial thoughts.

In the first chapter, the paragraph beginning ‘This was the wrong den.’ I think you meant ‘Was this the wrong den?’ I was surprised you concentrated on her differences in sight in the preceding paragraph, but then said the smells were familiar in this. Surely the difference in sense of smell would be even more powerful than the change from bw to colour sight. I mean, aren’t wolves about 100x more sensitive than us to smells?

Paragraph beginning ‘No matter what her shape’ there’s an s missing from species in the last sentence.

I think it’s a bad idea to end the first chapter with your mc falling asleep. It doesn’t hook the reader so much as a good old cliffhanger or a big question raised in the last paragraph. For example, if you ended with a paragraph where she’s wondering how she can hunt in this new body, then we’d have something to think about.

The second chapter ends with a wonderful hook, because we’re wondering if Michael will see Elle again. However, the second chapter as a whole isn’t as good as the first because it’s not quite so clear. I wasn’t aware he was on a horse and riding through the countryside until the second to last paragraph! Because of this, the whole thing felt like it was being told rather than shown. If you had set the scene better, so we knew he was on a horse and riding, it would feel less told. Also, I think you should reduce the backstory here and work it into later chapters more gradually.

It’s just my opinion. I still enjoyed reading this. It’s a good story :)

All the best,
Chris :-)

Think you'll ever release this ? Because i would definatley buy it. :~)
Leesa, The Lake Dweller series.

Just my thoughts...I really like the premise and have only read the first chapter....but, to me, it doesn't seem like your story begins in quite the right place. I think if you show the attack, not necessarily what is attacking her, and then have her stumbling around confused, it would allow the reader to be better grounded in the story. It's just a suggestion take it as you will. Will try to finish it over the next few days. I am really interested where you go with this. Will go on my watch list.

Also, just FYI I updated my profile and now have a story. While I really don't care if you back it or watch it, I would really appreciate some feed back on the first three chapters. I have more...but that's all I posted. I'm in the editing/revision stage and critiques are welcomed.

Very interesting premise and story, enjoyable and uncomfotrable at the same time! I do have a few suggestions, if you want. I would have Elle's first person accounts in italic, just so the reader can differentiate her thoughts from the rest of the story. Also, there appear to be some paragraphs which are not first person accounts, but probably should be; where it says 'Did she..', it could just be switched to 'Did I..'.
One more thing, in the pitch survive is spelt as 'servive'.
Anyway, not major problems, just suggestions that a lot of people may disgree with. Backed with pleasure.

Good Luck!

The Nomad

THE ISLAND EXPERIMENT

Happily rated and backed.
All the best
Lizzie Scott :-)

Hi Lee you are now starred, watched and backed k x

Interesting premise! The character's dismay at finding herself transformed was convincing and well-written. :)

I like the concept of it, it really drew me in. And, written from a wolf's point of view, it provides a fresh viewpoint. Backed with pleasure. :)

A Wolf in She's Clothing
Dear LL,
You have succeeded in pulling me into your world.
I love the sneeze!
The story unfolds masterfully, I mean mistressfully. I read to Chapter 5 and will come back when I have time.
I have nothing but praise and stars to give this manuscript.
A Zoomer

servive > Survive:)

Leila,

This isn't my preferred genre, but you have an interesting idea here. It seems to me that the execution in the first chapter is a little off though. For example, look at how many sentences begin with "She." Indeed, notice how many times the pronoun "she" appears in this chapter. Perhaps if you vary your sentence structure a little bit the picture you paint will be more accessible.

Kind regards,

Olga

Leila,

This isn't my preferred genre, but you have an interesting idea here. It seems to me that the execution in the first chapter is a little off though. For example, look at how many sentences begin with "She." Indeed, notice how many times the pronoun "she" appears in this chapter. Perhaps if you vary your sentence structure a little bit the picture you paint will be more accessible.

Kind regards,

Olga

Dear Leila,
As I explained this is not my usual reading material but I agreed to give it a go. I found it to be different and interesting. A fantastic plot and you have good imagination. I am happy to give this support.
Al

I remember how much I enjoyed this book, and would like to give you more support.
Best wishes and lots of stars, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Hello there! You had asked me to read this book, so here I am.

[] = add {} = remove () = change.

I'll read the first chapter only. x]

What's the "Now"? I feel like you should explain that a little more clearly, but I also like the part about how you are keeping my interest, so it doesn't really matter. x]

...return to the N[ow]. <--- Never use caps. Use italics if you have to.

...were not "all four[.]"

"Wolf[,]" or sometimes...

In her agitation[,] she...

They droned in her head as she slept. <--- Put that on a line by itself.

You have an awesome idea on your hands. I can picture you characters, although I don't really know what they look like. Maybe you can explain that in the second chapter [which I'm sure you will.] I have also noticed that you don't really have much thoguhts in your writing. Try and add some in, so that the reader can have a brief idea of what the MC is thinking. Because that's what I love to read. x]

Remy xx

P.s: If you have time, could you read my project "Hate that I Love You" in return? Thank you! <3

This is different and interesting! I enjoyed reading it, think it needs a comma here and there.
Marianne Rivera, Otti's Escape

A WOLF IN SHE'S CLOTHING
Excellent title, caught my imagination straight away. I think others say so too.
This is well narrated with a strong and good story plot. Fantasy is such a huge genre nowadays and has to be exceptional and I feel thst this is spot on. Unique ideas blended with modern thinking. Intriguing and well worth a read.
Good luck
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

First off, I love the title - excellent play on words. And from what I have read thus far, it is quite an appropriate title. Original and creative, great read.

Backed with pleasure!
Justis Call
Prestidigitations

What an original and beautifully written story! The author's narrative in chapter one captivated me. The style is almost surreal, elegantly detailed, and I think it is a rare author who can open a story from the mind and heart of an animal and completely win over her readers. That's what happens here. Then, as we learn that Ellie is an upright - the story takes off into a lavish and rich fantasy. I found nothing in the narrative to distract me. I felt mesmerized by the first chapter and I'm anxious to read on. Brava - this book deserves a high star rating and belongs on many, many shelves.
Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

A great twist to the werewolf genre. Loved her panic as she changes into human form, drew the scene well.

End of chp 2 not heard of the expression 'she was slow running' I take it is shouldn't read running slow.

The two characters are strong and it moves at a good steady pace.

Welll done.

Backed.

Red

Leila, great storytelling. A She-Wolf in *upright* human clothing, in a mysterious human world we can rediscover along with her, and a man's man in Mike she's sure to meet... On top of that, there are cubs to worry about, one who was nearly the death of her, and a past, a future everyone will want to know about.

The imagery is stunning, and the internal thought processes beautifully done. It's very unusual to have no dialogue for such a stretch, (until ch.4) but what we have to replace it is by far superior.

Backed for your skill, and for all creatures great and small.

From Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)