A Matter Of Conscience

Just realised I read this before. Its an interesting dilema and well written
Best of luck with it

Sue
One Foot in the Jungle

Just realised I read this before. Its an interesting dilema and well written
Best of luck with it

Sue
One Foot in the Jungle

Dear Jenny, you're not active here, but your vote still counts. Please check my message to you. Thanks, Pia

The voice of your story is so alive the reader is immediately able to step in. You create a storyline that seems very real, and a circumstance that makes you sympathize Caden. You have something really good going here.

--Shieldmaiden

Going through all my comments to see who I backed and doing the star thing. Good luck, again Four Better Four Worse

Your start is deep and emotional with Rebecca whose beliefs are so strong so unquestioning that she will cut out her mother for not joining the Jehovah group. She is so convinced in her faith that the end of the world is coming that night. I like the way you number her mothers husbands it shows how much she loathed them. We meet Caden as a man. He swears drinks and has a step father called Ray so obviously John didn’t make it.
I find myself getting angry as the elders determine Caden’s fate but this can only lend its self to your excellent writing that makes me feel like that. This is very good I’d like to read it all
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

Firstly I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read this mainly because my middle son needed three blood transfusions when he was born and my husband when he was taken ill. But I thought it fair to give it a try and I was glad I did. The reaction of a mother to her daughter marrying a Jehovah was realistically written, as was meeting her grandson. She just wants the best for them and her questioning of her daughter about what she will do when Armageddon doesn’t happen is one she cannot accept. The husband John blindly sells the house believing he can choose anyone he wants as only Jehovah’s will be alive after dawn. You jump to an older generation who are questioning and rebelling their parent’s beliefs. This is a well written book it does not seek to either praise or decry just record. I could happily read on so that for me is a sign that its very good.

Amelia x

A Date in the Diary – I do hope you enjoy it

Hi Jennifer- I just read your first chapter and I really enjoyed it. I am running out of my alloted authonomy time for today but I just had to peak ahead to chap 2 to see what their reaction was when the world didnt end? I noticed you skipped ahead a few years but I hope you will tell us later! Anyway, I love the realistic dialogue and the storyline. My only suggestion for now is that when you jump from your memory of John finding Rebecca back to the present maybe you could seperate that span of time a little clearer...like you some asterix or something?? I also think you could get rid of the "crick, crick" of the chair. Lastly, I was curious if you have personal experience with Jehovah's Witness? The book I posted is a memoir and I think you'll enjoy it! I'll be back to read more later...good job, Naya (Aquarian Moon)

Great first chapter, beautifully written. You offer Rebecca's thoughts as absolutely believing that the world will end, and then the chapter ends with a bang. Great! Of course, the reader doesn't fall for it. We know the world goes on. I love her pure, simple logic. She's condemming everyone else, her mother included on one belief, which she holds true. You've set a good permise. The reader will need to read on to find out how she copes when she finds that she is wrong.

I'm backing your book.

Francene. Still Rock Water. (Please take a look.)

You have an interesting and somewhat unique idea here. I'm wondering if you have personal experience with Jehovah's Witnesses. I have a basic knowledge of their beliefs which do involve salvation by works, but I'm wondering if the characters are realistic or over stereotyped (I'm not saying that they are, I'm just wondering if you personally know JWs like the characters in your book. The only reason I bring it up is because you want to keep this believable. If the characters become a caricature, then people will not take the book seriously. But my personal knowledge is limited on this point, so if you have done your homework, that's fine, but remember most of your readers will know little or nothing about Jehovah's Witnesses, so you have to convince them that your presentation is accurate.

I am not a fan of present tense narrative, but there seems to be a lot of it on the site here and I wonder if it is becoming a trend (or a fad - take your pick). Traditionally, books are written in past tense (except for dialogue, of course). If you made a conscious choice to write in present tense, then stick with it, but if it was not a conscious choice, I would encourage you to consider rewriting in past tense. Some people like present tense, but a large number of people really don't like it and that could lose you some readers. Something to consider, but you need to do what you think is best for your work.

When you choose to write a book in first person, normally, you stick with the same POV (point of view) throughout the book. But chapter 1 is written in the first person from the pov of Rebecca and chapter 2 from the pov of Caden. This initially threw me off at the beginning of chapter 2 because you don't announce your change of pov.

If you plan to change pov a lot throughout the book, you might want to consider switching the narrative to third person, which allows you to more easily look inside the head of different people.

This has real potential, but needs some more work (like most of us - I thought I had "finished" my book until I joined this site and I have been doing unending revisions since then, so don't lose heart).

Backed with best wishes.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

Original theme,well written,literature. Thank you for introducing me to it.

Hi Jen,

beautifully written and it toes the fine line between Caden's nihilistic existence and the controversial premise of devout faith neatly.

You have a unique voice and I'm very happy to back this, my (gut) reaction though is, who is your audience? Really thought-provoking novel, but would people of other faiths sympathise?

minor quibble - superb!

Rob

Dear Jennifer
A Matter of Conscience is an amazing piece, with great potential. You characters are so enthralling and the story about religion versus family is one that all can relate too.....
I have backed this novel with pleasure and wish you the best of luck with its success.
Helen
The Last Dream

this proved to be easy reasing and the present tense worked well. Interesting read

This treads the boards of themes that most would avoid (and with reason) but your writing carries them wonderfully. You control the structure and pace excellently and take serious issues by the scruff of the neck with aplomb and deft application.

BACKED

Good plot, good characterisation and very well written - I liked this a lot. Besides being a novel, this is also a book we can learn from. Backed with pleasure.
RT

Great theme. An emotional story with complex, credible characters. Intense imagery. Well textured. Powerful dialogue. Thought-provoking narrative. Superb dramatic tension. Brilliant writing. Backed.

Oh...
I mean... wow!
I like this story. I enjoy the writting too. It places the reader right square in the middle of a world only a Jehovah's Witness could know. I have to honestly say, I would've never thought I'd want to be there... even for a minute... but this is fascinating. I felt as though I was Rebecca Ryan as I read her thoughts and words. Experiencing the complexly and depths of her humanity. She is so amazingly real. She is a human... like me... who would of thought.

Jennifer, you have a remarkable writting style. I'm definitely shelving A Matter of Conscience. This is a book I would buy and pass on to friends and family.

Rodney Jones
The Father

Hi Jennifer,
Well written and engaging. A tough subject to read and frustrating for me, but that is nothing against your skill. I wish you luck and back you with enthusiasm. Have a great day!

Sincerely.
Heidi

Very touching book with a powerful theme. Your dialogues are so well written and your descriptions are very vivid. You have a great talent for writing and hope that this book will do well!
Backed.
Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

This is powerful stuff Jennifer. Such torment for that mother and you do it so well.
I am very sure that the subject matter and your ability as a writer will carry you with all speed up to the desk. Please do some thorough editing and cut out any 'extra' words to keep the flow going and check for those dreadful grammar errors we all make and miss.
Good luck
Alice

Great skills here, and an interesting, topical premise. I think it will offer invaluable insights into a religion which most observe from afar. Not at all tedious, which I thought it might be. Present tense masterfully done. Best of luck. FOUR BETTER FOUR WORSE

I love the idea of this story because it is a realistic one... I've seen news snippets from time to time with this very issue. Your writing is compelling, your paragraphs are tight and flow smoothly. I love it so far!!

Backed with pleasure.

Best,
Cori
"Princess"

Loving this story so far. Can't wait to read more. Your dialogue is so realistic, and your setting so vivid. Great character development. Shelved.

A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE

Dear Jennifer S,
I love the writing.
The dialogue is so strong - could this be a play as well?

Backed with certainty that people should read this.
A zoomer
(Going out in Style)

06 September 2010
A Matter of Conscience is, in my humble opinion, one of the top novels on this site. I could not fault any of the literary elements of the work. It has sensitivity, it has graphic description, it has a sense of 'real' brought to the page with a power that enables the reader to visualise each scene, to 'know' each character and to feel each emotion experienced by the players. With respect, BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

This is such a thought provoking subject. I have known, and been friends with quite a few Jehovah's Witnesses and had many conversations with them about things such as blood transfusions and where they stand when it comes to their children. Your writing and approach to the subject are excellent. Only one suggestion to improve the flow of your book; maybe you could cut down the length of your chapters? Splt them up a bit more. Already backed with pleasure. Sarah

This is such a powerful story, Jennifer, and takes the reader right inside the heart and mind of a 'true believer' - Rebecca awaiting Armageddon, almost as she would await the milkman, but with much more trepidation given the expected outcome, 'have I ... repented enough, prayed enough, and pioneered enough to be saved?'

At sixteen, she was ripe for plucking, 'my tulip bulb snout'. Back to the weird reality: 'John refuses to do anything with it until after Armageddon'. The worst thing is, it's actually funny in places, 'A beer? Before noon? Pure evil'. I'm warming to her mother, red nails and all, 'All I ever did was love you the best I knew how', never was enough for a teenager.

On to another teenager, Caden, and the death of a hero. It seems it was Rebecca who held on to the religion. But Caden must have his gran's DNA, 'I can feel him trying to stretch himself taller', followed by, 'Shit! It's a fucking ambush'. Then, 'Is that what happened to his own daughter?' OMG, 'Two children down and two to go' High Fives to Caden.

I'll avoid all the typical reaction to this, most of which I've written and then deleted. Many religious people will see this as a denouncement of a cult, and many non-religious people will see it as denouncement of religion. I see it primarily as a study of psychology and relationships, and the stupidity and strength of different characters. I do think this is an important story, and written with the skill and polish to be almost immediately publishable. I think you should be querying agents but also sticking with authonomy for a while (to see what the planned changes will bring). In a fair system, this is a novel I can see going to the top ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: simplify end slightly, 'forced to challenge their beliefs to either choose family and life, or choose religion and her certain death'. The name of the husband in the pitch is Ray, in the story, it's John - ah, I see. But confusing to begin with - maybe gloss over the actual name in the pitch?

You have done a wonderful job here, and I am delighted to back your book. Great narrative, and the subject is very relevant to me. I come up against other people's 'issues of faith' regularly. It's all part of the job for me. Eunice - The Temple Dancer and The Poetic Voice of Soul.

Hi Jennifer

I found this very interesting - you set up situations very cleverly and then cut away, leaving the reader feverishly turning the pages to find out what happened. It's great to see the varying points of view and you convey them all distinctively and convincingly. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

A Matter of Conscience-

This book was recommended to me with very good literary taste! You had me at the pitch so reading three chapters was no problem at all. You have crafted a story set in a world few of us know past the ringing of our doorbell and for that reason, I have to admit a certain morbid fascination with it. How does one put so much faith in religion that free will all but disappears?

And you’ve built some fascinating characters. A woman whose blind faith eventually turns on her. A boy whose need to express himself causes a greater loss. A man whose personal tragedy guides his life. Talk about a page turner!

I do have a few concerns but bear in mind, these are mostly personal nits and have nothing to do with the competence of the writing itself: In that I can find little fault—you do an excellent job with dialog and have a manner of interweaving description into a scene so it appears seamless. Very well done.

The first person in multiple pov can be confusing and there were times the characters sounded similar. It’s also a little bit hard to know right away whose pov is used in each chapter unless the name is in the chapter title. I can’t help wondering how much stronger this book could be if told in third person multiple. Basically, trying to know several characters as intimately as first person demands can be exhausting.

I’m also not a fan of present tense. It feels like the author is trying too hard to draw me into the story and in this case that certainly isn’t necessary. The tense wavers some, too, as you fade in and out of flashbacks. I understand why you slip to past in the flashbacks but consistency is often better.

So I’m skimming through chapter 4 and I still don’t know what happened to John Ryan!

I will back this book. Well done and good luck. -Barb

This is very far from the sort of thing I'd usually read, but you raise some interesting issues and your writing is very clean and your narrative concise. Good luck with it.

hiya Jennifer, fellow canuck?
love R's narrative voice. spare, clean. perfect tone for your fictional conceit. i find myself slipping into her world. kudos.
on my shelf.
no quibbles. this is a clean ms.
best wishes, andy

I've read to chapter four, and I have to say, this is the most provocative, captivating, disturbing (in a good way) read I've encountered in a long while, on this site or among published books. The tension builds layer upon layer through varying points of view, reminding me of Kingsolver's Poisonwood Bible. Opening with Caden's father and hinting at his progression either into madness or complete abdication of the faith (can't wait to find out which) provides just the hook we need. The exchanges among Witnesses and those innocent "scapegoats" trapped, suffering for the faith, are just right, dead on and so revealing, the characters poignant and so real they bleed. The lingo of the Jehovah's Witnesses, the mention of "pioneering" (what Southern Baptists would call witnessing), the trauma of little children robbed even of their birthdays and national holidays serve to render the hardship and struggle of the innocent in bondage to such cruel masters. These scenes carve your heart up. Gorgeous storytelling.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

An intriguing look into the life of a passionate young woman. I like your presentation and your insightsinto the character's way of thinking.

There's a silly missed edit.... I swear I've read this thing so many times I don't see small edits like that anymore. Thanks, Cheers....

A sad, tragic story, told in frank prose with poignant shading.
Near the beginning of C. 1, a line reads, "Since Caden's birth, I've worried about the possibility of every day being the lat." Is that word "last"?
All the best.
sc

Backed on the strength of your writing. I'm happy to be included among the list your supportrs.

Rodney

A sad, tragic story, told in frank prose with poignant shading.
Near the beginning of C. 1, a line reads, "Since Caden's birth, I've worried about the possibility of every day being the lat." Is that word "last"?
All the best.
sc

A Matter Of Conscience

Jennifer Schipper

There seems to be much drama as this story unfolds and the conflicts are personal and intense.You have some good dialogue here. "Do you hear your self? Do you hear the condescension in your voice? When did you become so self righteous?" I think one of your strengths is in your dialogue. However for honest feedback from my subjective view - personally, before I buy a novel, the subject matter has to appeal to me. I've encountered academically through my profession this issue of the objection to blood transfusions based on religious belief - and only because of this exposure and knowledge of surrounding issues, the plot does not excite me because it is nothing new to me, from a creative viewpoint. However, this very personal, emotive storyline might appeal to others, especially those who face similar conflicts from time to time, or potentially can. Best of luck in finding a publisher Jennifer. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Jennifer -

A Matter of Conscience - Family loyalty versus individual conscience is a powerful theme, especially when set into the Jehova's Wittness belief, which is painfully caught in a narrow zone of strict faith. It highlights the cause of most wars on our shrinking planet. Where is spiritual liberty? This is a challenging task you set yourself. I think with a little patience and support, you can sculpt this story to reach out and make many people add wider perspectives to their fixed ones and reflect on what it takes to become human. Wishing you the best success.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Jenn,
My first bit of advice will be to trim. Most times, as I have found each time I read my own work, is that less is more. I seem to remove unnecessary words every time I sit down to edit.
For example, pretty much everyone has their own bedroom layout memorized, so do you need to tell us Rebecca does?

I sit with him in our rocking chair and offer him my breast to feed. (‘to feed’ isn’t needed, why else would she offer an infant her breast?)

Placement of words in a sentence can make a message crystal clear, or somewhat muddied.
I tiptoe to the crib at the foot of my bed in the dark. (Is only the foot of the bed in the dark?) Consider – In the dark, I tiptoe to the crib at the foot of my bed.

Just a few things I noticed. Overall good job.
MickR – The Nightcrawler

Jennifier, I've read one chapter and am fascinated. So well told.

Hi Jennifer, I've known some real life similar cases and some tragic outcomes. It's a very difficult issue, which I think your book will help to explain. Thanks for sharing it -- you write well.
Backed with best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

A powerful and disturbing insight into a relgion I knew something about, but not in quite the depth that the author obviously does.
I now see why I am bombarded on the doorstep, it is of course the height of bad manners, but apparently it is done for a reason. The reason is beyond me, my own faith neither requires nor seeks converts, but I am prepared now to acknowledge that there is no malice in it, arrogance , but no ill intent.
The book itself is well written, I thought the technic of see things from each pov was well done and gave a greater understanding of the morality and emotions of each person far better than a straight narrative would have done.
This is always going to be a contoversial read, no matter where you stand on the subject, but I feel this book does allow an equal oppotunity for both sides of the question.

Some books entertain; some books inform and educate. Some books provoke questions in the reader's mind, and lead to healthy debate. A Matter of Conscience does all three.

One doesn't have to be an atheist to dislike the symbolic trappings of religion, nor its inhumane strictures, and the author of this book has very cleverly managed to condemn the religiously-bigoted cruelty of the Jehovah's Witnesses' laws without being in any way sacrilegious or opposing faith per se.

The opening chapter showed us a young couple at the end of 1975, ticking down the last few hours to the promised Armageddon. How painful it was to watch them and to witness their blind, unreasoning faith and to hear the delighted tone in John's voice at having sold off their home; superfluous in the coming Paradise. The reader wants to shout out: "You fools!" at their naivety, but John and Rebecca cannot hear us -- and would resolutely ignore us if they could.

There are important questions asked throughout the seven chapters of the upload -- questions that do not seem to have occurred to JWs. If only 144,000 souls are to be saved, what will happen to the millions of obedient, righteous JWs who don't make the cut? Why is God so petty as to test the faith of His 'true' followers by visiting sickness on little children? Why this ludicrous adherence (relaxed slightly only recently) to the belief that to accept a blood transfusion is to defy the word of God?

This generally well-written and thought-provoking book is not totally free of flaws, but they are nearly all of a minor nature and can easily be sorted in an editorial tweaking. In Chapters 1 and 3, I suggest "reigning down" should be "raining down"; in 2 and 6 we have "fowl" words and smell respectively when it should, of course, be "foul"; and in Ch.2 the letter "r" is needed to make "... that's what this whole face of a production ..." into "farce".

I thought the car crash in Ch.3 was handled weakly. The description was distanced and slightly jokey -- "... only seemed to increase the car's determination to detour off-road". I'd suggest this could benefit from a gingering-up. And there was a clumsy piece of Tell in that chapter, too: "Dr Haskin -- you know, our family doctor". In Ch.4 I think you mean "fork tines", not "tongs".

Two little nitpicks about Ch.5: I would think "make love", in this context would be more appropriate than "... knowing full well that he wants to have sex". And, after the interview with the gloating new owner of their home, I'd suggest "moaned" would be a better choice than "sighed". ("One week", he moaned). "Sighed" is too resigned; "moaned" is more despairing.

I must single out Chapter 4 for containing a passage that cannot fail to make the reader despair at the wicked propaganda peddled in the name of religion: Referring to the bus journey -- "Who knows what evil being sat in the seat before me, leaving behind a presence that could be lurking, ready to grab me in a moment of weakness?"

A Matter of Conscience, whilst ostensibly about the literally life-changing decisions faced by a family of Jehovah's Witnesses, asks questions that we could all do well to consider. I wish the book well on its upward journey and am glad to help it on its way with a backing.

Crisply written with an hard hitting voice. Lots of questions and conflict quickly set up a curiosity arousing plot.

Noticed one little nit in C1: "..every day being the la(s)t..."

This is a gripping story which has interesting characters with realistic emotions and dialogue.
Backed.

This is a gripping story which has interesting characters with realistic emotions and dialogue. Backed.

This is a beautiful piece of writing and I was engrossed in the story from the first word. The characters are fully developed and interesting and the dialogue moves the story along. I would buy this book if I saw it in a book store. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

A polished, detailed and involving piece of writing. Clean prose and good, believable dialogue.

I'm happy to back your book, and wish you all the best with it. :)

Pete