Book Jacket

 

rank 3297
word count 33891
date submitted 13.07.2010
date updated 24.11.2011
genres: Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

A Matter Of Conscience

Jennifer Schipper

Could you shun your child to appease your God?

 

What if you were told to forgo a life saving medical procedure forbidden by your religion, would your faith hold?

Caden Ryan has been excommunicated from his religion and subsequently kicked out of the family home. As a result, his mother, Rebecca finds her maternal instincts to protect her child conflicting with her religious doctrine to spurn him.

Rebecca's personal struggle incites the ire of her husband, a zealot with no qualms about forsaking his loved ones in the name of his God.

Tragedy strikes a the height of the family conflict. Personal priorities are called into question as each individual is forced to challenge their core beliefs in a life or death situation.

 
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tags

blood transfusion, conflict, conscience, controversy, decisions, drama, family bonds, fiction, god, jehovah's witness, relationships, religious

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Rebecca Ryan, December 1975

 

 

New Year’s Eve.

The baby cries in his crib. I yawn, my body reluctant to move. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since Caden’s birth back in April. Add the stress of impending doom and I am down to maybe three hours of sleep a night.

Civilization is perched on the eve of Armageddon. It has to be tonight. The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society insist that they cannot see beyond 1975.  With the oil embargo of 1973 and the Vietnam War, I am really not surprised. Chaos rules the world.

Tossing my covers to the side, I roll out of bed. The old mattress springs creak.

Dressed in one of my husband John’s t-shirts, I shiver. We keep the temperature low, relying more on the wood stove in the living room to heat our house. Money has been tight since John quit his job at his uncle’s quarry back in June in order to spread Jehovah’s truth full time.

I tiptoe to the crib at the foot of the bed in the dark. Caden reaches for me as I approach. Can he sense that the end is near? Kids are so perceptive. Does he understand the uncertainty of his future, that Jehovah could rob him of his young life before he has a chance to prove himself as a devout Witness?

His diaper is wet. I kneel down at his changing station on the floor and roll out a plastic mat over the carpet. Laying him down, I unsnap his blue pajamas. He kicks his legs as I rush to undress him. I do not want to be in the middle of such a trite chore when Jehovah finally unleashes his wrath upon the earth.

Understanding Armageddon is a privilege; not knowing if I will survive is torture. I came to the religion late, only three years ago, when I was sixteen. Have I since repented enough, prayed enough, and pioneered enough to be saved?

Our solid brick house in the obscure northern mining community of Bancroft, Ontario, Canada, protects us from icy rain and heavy winter snow, but it is no fortress. It cannot protect me or my family from the end of the world. If Jehovah deems us undeserving of a life in Paradise under his divine rule, he will find us and strike us down along with the entire population of unworthy worldly fools. 

Caden continues to fuss after being changed, so I sit with him in our rocking chair and offer him my breast to feed. The chair squeaks like a loose wooden floor plank.

Crick!

Crick!

Unfortunately my breast refuses Caden milk. Frustrated, he sucks harder, sinking his small teeth into my flesh. I bite my lip to keep from yelping.

Growing impatient, he cries at his failure.

“Shhhh, baby, shhhh. I don’t want him to wake his father. 

Caden pumps his fists and feet in protest.  Breastfeeding has never come easy to me. Such a tiny baby, I fear he is not getting enough nourishment from my body. Suddenly he wails at the top of his lungs.

“Rebecca?” John groans from his side of the bed. “Is everything alright? It’s only…” he eyes the bedside clock, “five in the morning.”

“I’m sorry, honey. The baby’s hungry, but I’m not producing any milk again,I choke, embarrassed.

Sweetheart, I can hear the stress in your voice. You need to relax.” John’s voice is calm and steady.

“I can’t help it,” I blubber. I stand up and pace the room with Caden cradled against my shoulder. “What if my struggle to feed my son is Jehovahs way of condemning our less than diligent behavior?

John flips on the light on his nightstand and sits up. The covers fall to his waist exposing his lanky torso, slight shoulders, and thin arms.

“Rebecca,” he sighs, “you know it’s not like we got pregnant on purpose.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” I insist, walking over to the bed and sitting next to him, still cradling Caden, whose crying has softened to a whimper.

“We were so careful,” John reminds me. “Nobody is more meticulous than you when it comes to plotting your cycle on the calendar, counting out every day.”

“I know, I know,” I snivel.

Technically, children are a blessing, but with the approach of Armageddon, it had been strongly suggested that childbearing be put off until after Judgment Day.

John reaches out and caresses my arm. “Rebecca, it was an accident. You know what the doctor said. How were we to know that a bout of the flu could so drastically alter your cycle?”

“Since Caden’s birth, I’ve worried about the possibility of every day being the last. But now here we are, on the last day of 1975. This is it. This may very well be my last day with my son. It’s so unfair. It’s not his fault that he was conceived. Would Jehovah really punish him for something over which he had no control?”

“Maybe God meant for us to have this child,” John suggests. “Perhaps Caden is a gift from Jehovah. Maybe our child is destined to become someone great, a born leader.”

John’s strength comes not from his physical stature, but from his faith. When he talks about religion, the soft features of his face harden, his brow furrows, and his hazel eyes darken with steely intensity. Passion resounds from his every word, giving him the power to mesmerize a potential convert, an entire congregation, or me.

John captivated me on the first day we met.

 

 

Sixteen years old, sitting on the curb, I watched as my mother, dressed in short shorts and heels, helped her new husband, husband number four to be exact, some retired, washed up, pro-baseball player twenty years her senior, move our scant belongings into his palatial four storey home on the outskirts of Bancroft. They didn’t need my help. There wasn’t much to bring from our dumpy two-bedroom basement apartment where we had lived in between husbands. No furniture, just Mother’s hippie clothing, her gaudy cosmetics, and her hair curlers. Oh, and one box of toys.

A car pulled into the driveway and my last dad, husband number three, got out and let his daughter Carla, my six-year old half-sister, out of the passenger seat. Dressed in a lavender dress with white patent shoes and lace trimmed socks, she looked like some high society kid. I watched as her dad picked her up in his arms and spun her around. She giggled. He smiled his perfect smile. I kept my mouth of crooked teeth shut. Their matching thin noses made me self conscious and I found myself trying to cover up my tulip bulb snout. 

Husband number three gave Mother a curt nod and got back into his car, driving off without even acknowledging me. And why would he? I didn’t belong to him. I didn’t belong to anybody.

I never met my biological father, husband number one. Mom left him before I was even born and she refused to tell me where I could find him.  I didn’t have anybody to call me Pumpkin or Sweet Pea. 

“Hey, wanna jump rope? I can jump Double Dutch,” Carla chirped, skipping up to me, her blond pigtails bouncing in line with her step, her natural hair the same color as Mother’s dyed coif.  

“You need three people for that,” I muttered, trying to dismiss her.

“Maybe Mom will play too.”

Are you blind? Can’t you see she’s busy?

Carla shrugged and ran off to play elsewhere.

Mother once told me that I inherited my father’s nose, his mousy black hair, and his boring brown eyes. I watched the cars pass by, like I always did, studying every male passenger, evaluating each one’s appearance. Did he look like me? Would he recognize me as his daughter and whisk me away from this tragic life? The first man was too young. The second had red hair. What about the man with grey hair? What color was his hair in his youth?

“Excuse me, Miss, but what’s with the frown on such a beautiful day?”

I looked away from the road to find a handsome young man with cropped chestnut hair, dressed in slacks, a white collared dress shirt with short shirt sleeves, and a blue tie standing in front of me on the sidewalk holding a stack of pamphlets. His smoky eyes and deep voice portrayed a genuine concern for my wellbeing.

I nodded in the direction of the house. “Mother’s moving us into her new husband’s house.”

“And you’re unhappy about that?”

“I don’t see the point in this whole ridiculous production. She’s just going to end up divorcing him.”

The stranger chuckled.

“It’s not funny,” I protested. “Marriage is supposed to be something you take seriously. My mom treats it like she’s playing a game of musical chairs.

“I’m sorry.” He turned on his heel and sat down beside me on the grass. His bare arm grazed mine causing something inside me to tingle. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I totally agree with you. About marriage that is. I believe that it is for forever and I believe it has a better chance at success when it is grounded in faith and religion.”

“Mother calls us atheists.”

“You know, just because she’s Godless doesn’t mean you have to be.” He held out his hand. “My name’s John Ryan.”

“I’m Rebecca. So John, what do you believe in?” I asked.

 

“As far as I am concerned,” John continues, bringing my focus back to the present, “weve been blessed. A child of our own will make up for the fact that neither of us will have any biological family in Paradise.”

My heart sinks with his reminder; only Witnesses will survive Armageddon.

“I’m going to make one last effort to convince my mother to convert.” I tell him.

John frowns. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

I play dumb. “Do what?”

“Torture yourself with unrealistic expectations about your mother. 

You yourself have said it’s never too late for someone to convert. Are you going pioneering today?”

“Of course.”

Well, so am I. I am going to go to my mother’s house. I will introduce her to her grandson. It might just be the extra push she needs. I won’t be gone long. If she changes her mind, I’ll bring her back here with me and we can get one of the elders to come over to baptize her.”

John manages to curl his lips into a half smile.You do what you feel you must, honey.”

“Well, first things first, I need to go to the kitchen and make Caden a bottle.”

 

After breakfast, I kiss John goodbye, buckle Caden into his car seat in our pickup truck, and set out for my mother’s place. Our old rusted Chevy needs a grocery list of repairs, but John refuses to do anything with it until after Armageddon. It makes sense to wait. Who knows what will happen to transportation in the new system?

Before starting the truck I search for any warning signs that the blood bath has already begun. The sky is not red or fiery, but a depressing grey. The snowflakes that fall are light and fluffy, not the least bit stormy or menacing.

I look in the review mirror at my son. “I’ll make this trip as quick as possible,” I promise him. Taking a deep breath, I turn the key in the ignition and back out of the driveway, gravel crunching beneath the tires.

In the ten minutes it takes to drive to my mother’s place, my nerves unravel. I have not seen her in two years. We have spoken on the phone, sharing stilted conversations at best, each ending in a fight. We take turns hanging up on one another. We have not gotten along since I announced my intentions to marry John.

 

“Mother, John asked me to marry him,” I gushed one evening over dinner

She looked up from her plate. “Not that Witness boy?”

“Yes, that Witness boy. 

Husband number four coughed, but kept his head down, his eyes on his potatoes.

“And what did you say?” Mother asked, raising her wine glass to her lips.

“I said yes,” I replied, thrusting my left hand in her face to showcase my engagement ring, two modest cubic zirconium stones riding a thin gold wave.

Choking on a swig of her merlot, Mother’s eyes bulged. She covered her mouth with her left hand as she coughed, displaying her own jeweled bauble on her all important ring finger, a diamond the size of a small boulder. “Oh, for pity’s sake, we’re not living in medieval times. What’s the rush? You’re still a child,” she scolded.

“You married young,” I reminded her.

“And look where it got me.”

“So marrying my father was a mistake?”

“I’d still be married to him if it wasn’t.”

“So does that mean that I was a mistake?”

“Rebecca, you know I didn’t mean it like that. Look, you’re only sixteen. You’re not even old enough to get married without my written consent. You’ve barely started high school.”

“Secondary education is of little importance to the Witnesses. John dropped out of school three years ago, when he turned eighteen.”

“Great. So you want to throw your life away on an uneducated, older man? What can he possibly offer you?”

“Religion and faith. And a chance to survive Armageddon.”

“Armageddon?” she scoffed. “You’re not suggesting that the world is coming to an end, are you?”

I nodded. “And soon.”

“Good God, Rebecca! This cult of yours, it’s just a silly phase. You’ll grow out of it, I promise you.”

“It’s not a cult and it’s not a phase! I don’t want to live here anymore pretending this is a normal family. Your newest husband is old enough to be my grandpa!”

“Rebecca!” Mother hissed. “You will watch your mouth and show your stepfather a little respect.”

It’s quite alright Patty,” husband number four said, so matter of fact. “Rebecca, this suitor of yours, does he have a job?”

“Yes. He works down at the local quarry.
 
“Does he have a house?”

“He just bought a bungalow with half an acre on the other side of town.”

“So he can provide for you?”

“Yes.”

He looked up at my mother. “Patty, I say we let her marry the man.”

“You can’t be serious?” Mother squawked.

“She loves him. She doesn’t want to be here. At least we’ll know where she is instead of her running away with him.”

Mother looked at him, and then at me, then back at him, and back at me again. “You know what? Fine. Do what you want. It’s your life to ruin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve lost my appetite.” 

She topped up her wine, pushed her chair away from the table and walked off, glass in hand.  A moment later, she slammed her bedroom door, the sound vibrating throughout the house.

Mother signed the necessary papers permitting me to wed John, but she did not attend my wedding.

 

But today will be different. Yes, today my mother will lay eyes on Caden and cry tears of joy as she holds him in her arms for the first time. Their bond will be immediate and she will finally see a reason to find religion and to do whatever it takes to survive Armageddon.

Pulling into Mother’s driveway, I cringe at the sight of the garish six bedroom, seven bathroom house. Really, who needs more toilets than beds?

Carla answers the door dressed up like an antique doll in a pink ruffled dress with matching silk ribbons in her Goldie-locks hair.

“Mom’s in the kitchen,” she mutters before turning away from me without acknowledging the baby.

Holding Caden close to my chest to shield him from any wickedness lurking in the house, I make my way to the kitchen, walking past husband number four in the living room. He grunts a ‘hello’, raising a beer can in my honor. I do not respond. A beer? Before noon? Pure evil.

My mother, Patty, all five foot three inches of her, flits about from stove to pantry to counter to stove. She can’t weigh more than 105 pounds. Tomato paste stains her cream-colored apron. The familiar smells of fried onions and garlic invade my sinuses.

Patty’s appearance, her frizzy hair more yellow than blonde, her blue eye shadow, and her bright red lipstick saddens me. Her long claw-like nails belong on a streetwalker, not on a forty-something mother of two. She looks cheap and old; probably the stress of four marriages catching up to her.

“Making a batch of spaghetti sauce?” I ask.

“Good God!” Mother jumps. “Rebecca, you startled me.” Her eyes widen when she sees Caden.    

This is it. The moment I have been waiting for. “Mother, this is Caden Jonathan Ryan, your grandson.”

“He’s so precious!” she squeals. “Can I hold him?”

“Sure,” I smile, handing him over to her, trying to suppress my anxieties about having a worldly person touching my son. She isn’t just any worldly person; Mother is a potential convert. 

“I didn’t know you were pregnant,” she sighs.

“Well, you know, we haven’t exactly spoken much,” I remind her.

Caden giggles, comfortable in her arms.

“Do I see teeth?” she asks.

“You do.”

“Oh, you’re such a big boy,” she chirps, making funny faces at Caden. “How much does he weigh?”

Fifteen pounds, I think.”

“And when’s his birthday?”

I bristle. “You know we don’t celebrate birthdays, Mother.”

She frowns. “Oh Rebecca, don’t tell me you’re raising him in that cult of yours.”

“Religion,” I correct her.

She rolls her eyes. “Whatever.” She takes one of Caden’s tiny hands in hers, returning her attention to him.

“It’s not too late to save yourself you know, Mother.”

“Dear, you’re not going to try and discuss Armageddon with me again are you?”

“Yes.”

“Must we? I haven’t seen you in two and a half years, not since you… converted and were baptized. Let’s talk about something else. Every time we talk religion on the phone we end up fighting.”

“Because I don’t see how anyone who knows about Armageddon can choose to ignore it.”

“I’m not ignoring it, dear. I don’t believe it. I fail to see how the end of the world can be construed as a good thing.”   

“How can you turn down a chance to live in Paradise?”

“What about all the non-believers? Do you really believe that God, a loving and merciful power, will indiscriminately murder five billion people?”

“I’m not making this up, Mother. It’s going to happen. Tonight.”

“Rebecca, can’t you see that you’re setting yourself up for a huge let down? What’s going to happen when the world doesn’t end?”

“If you won’t convert for me, do it for your grandchild,” I plead.

So that’s why you brought him here? You’re using your own son as bait?” she gasps.

Upset, I steal my son from her arms. He starts to cry. “Aren’t you happy for me, Mother?”

“I am dear, but the thought of watching my grandson grow up in the confusion of such an extreme religion devastates me. What will you tell him at Christmas when there are no presents? And at Halloween when kids are dressed up like pirates and cowboys and witches and-”

“Mother, stop. There’s no sense in worrying about it. I’m not going to have that problem. Armageddon-”

“Is never going to happen.”

“After tonight, the only children on the planet will be other Jehovah’s Witness children. They will all believe the same thing and they will live happily ever after.”

“Sounds more like a fairytale than scripture,” she mutters, turning away from me, toward a hot pot on the stove. “So how’s the world going to end?” She challenges. “A world war? No. You said tonight. There’s not enough time for that. What about a comet slamming into the earth’s surface? No. I think astronomers would have seen that coming at us by now. Maybe the earth is simply going to implode?”

“Mother, you’re being sarcastic.”

“You don’t know, do you?”

I bow my head. “No.”

Mother stirs her sauce with vigor. “What kind of religion makes you choose between God and your family anyway?”              

“One that loves you and protects you from evil.”

She drops her spoon. “I’m hardly evil!”

As much as I feel sorry for my mother, and as much as I wish I could save her, I need admit defeat. I need to let go and move on. I can no longer afford to emotionally attach myself to her knowing that Jehovah could strike her dead at any moment.

“Good-bye Mother.”

She turns to face me again. “Do you hear yourself? When did you become so self-righteous? All I ever did was love you the best I knew how.” Her voice cracks.  

“I don’t have to listen to this! I hiss, upset.  I storm out of the kitchen, still holding Caden close to my chest.

As I rush through the living room, husband number four says something to me, but I do not hear him, nor do I say goodbye. Let them all be condemned to death. I don’t care anymore.  

Driving home, my fear of Armageddon mounts. My palms sweat on the steering wheel. The morning’s dull clouds have darkened. I speed across town. What if meteors, lightening, or balls of fire, fall from the sky? What if I become an unintentional casualty? How accurate is Jehovah’s aim?  What if my death isn’t accidental?

Caden cries in his car seat. Can he sense my malaise? Does he deserve to be banned from Paradise because of his unfortunate time of birth? It isn’t like he had a say in the matter of his conception.

Pulling into my driveway, I breathe a sigh of relief and park. I waste no time hopping out of the truck and turning my focus onto unfastening Caden from his car seat and hustling into the house.

Inside, I lock the front door, kick off my shoes, and place Caden in his playpen. I race through every room, closing the curtains and blinds, shutting us off from the world outside. John is still out pioneering though. Oh, why did he have to go out today? I mean, I understand why he did, but I just wish he didn’t have to. I need him here with me to keep me calm.

Too anxious to eat, I skip lunch. To kill time I decide to bake an apple pie. This confines me to my avocado green kitchen, my favorite room in the house. I can keep an eye on Caden, who is settling down for an afternoon nap in his playpen, from here.

My hands tremble as I peel half a dozen Granny Smith apples. I slice my ring finger with a knife.  Blood drips to the countertop. Wrapping my hand in a dishtowel, I run to the bathroom to clean and bandage the small but deep wound.

Oh, when will this wretched day end? I am exhausted and it isn’t even half over. 

Returning to the kitchen, I finish the pie and shift my focus to preparing dinner. I bought the groceries yesterday sparing no expense despite our meager bank account. Tonight’s meal is an important one. I want it to be special, in case it is our last supper. I want it to be memorable, in case we survive. So I make John’s favorite, filet mignon with mashed garlic potatoes and steamed broccoli topped with melted cheddar cheese.  

 

At six o’clock, John bursts through the front door.

“Honey, I have some amazing news!” he exclaims, wrapping his arms around me and whisks me up off the ground.

“What is it?” I ask, expecting him to announce that he converted a few people.

“I sold the house!”

The dramatic confession catches me off guard. I pull myself out of his embrace and nearly lose my footing.

“You what?” I wheeze. 

“I was out pioneering and this man called me a quack. He said that I obviously wouldn’t need my house any more because after surviving Armageddon I could live anywhere I wanted. He made me an offer.”

“You’re joking, right? John, please tell me you’re joking.”

He hands me a cheque. “Take a look.”

I unfold the scrap of paper and gasp. “But this is less than what we paid for it; it doesn’t even come close to covering the balance of the mortgage owing.”

John only smiles, but for the first time since I met him his confidence does nothing to ease my anxiety.

“But this is our home,” I argue. “It’s our stability, our future. This is where we dreamed of raising our kids. We planned to grow old here together. You have to back out of this deal.

I can’t. I signed a contract. He sounds so proud of himself.

“A contract?”

“The buyer happens to be a real estate lawyer. He drafted something up.”

Oh, this just keeps getting better. How convenient. Honey, have you lost your mind?”

I’ve never been saner,” he insists. “I figured it out; the man who bought the house, he was a test.”

“What kind of test?”

“Jehovah sent him to test my faith. If I was certain of my truth, then I would be okay with discarding all of my material possessions. I proved to Jehovah that my faith is unwavering.” John chuckles to himself. “Now let’s eat. I’m starving. Dinner smells delicious.”

Sitting across the table from my husband, I try to think of anything other than the fact that he sold our house. He merrily shovels food into his mouth while I pick at my potatoes. I know he is right. We can move in the new system; it will be a fresh start on more than one level. Heck, the old man won’t even survive Armageddon. It’s not like there will be anyone to make a claim on the contract. I need to relax and be more supportive.

“What do you think the new system is going to be like?” I ask, as I cut the pie for dessert.

John’s eyes beam with optimism. “Honey, it’s going to be unbelievable. We will live without judgment. Caden will grow up without prejudice. Every person, every man, woman, and child will be loved and accepted. Without evil, there’ll be no more disease, greed, pornography, or drugs. Superficial materialism will be eradicated. We won’t be ridiculed anymore.”

I recall what my mother said about five billion people being murdered. “What about the others - my mom, your mom, family.”

“We’ll start new families. Do not weep for the worldly. There is no Hell, remember. They will die, but they will not suffer.”

This thought comforts me as I clear the table and wash the dishes. Marriage after marriage, my mother’s self-centered life has been nothing but turmoil. Patty will leave the world and finally rest in peace.

 

After I put the dishes away, I bathe Caden. He splashes about in his basin of warm water. In Paradise, he will grow up without ever knowing the wicked of the world we now live in. Life will be easy for him instead of a struggle, the way it has been for me and John and the rest of the world’s Witnesses.

“Sleep tight, Sweetheart,” I coo as I put him to bed at eight o’clock.

Four hours left until the day ends. What is taking Jehovah so long?

I retire to the living room to find John with his eyes glued to the television. I flinch, expecting to see news broadcasts announcing that the world is under attack or that the world is being ripped apart by a natural disaster, but all I see are thousands of inebriated worldly people, gathered on some city street, preparing to party. 

“Look at those poor souls,” John remarks. “They don’t realize that they should be praying for their salvation. Fools, the whole lot of them. They deserve the fate that befalls them.

I turn away from the screen. “Can you turn that off? I… I can’t watch.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to see it, the destruction. When it arrives it will reign down unannounced. I know I should be excited, but I don’t have the stomach for mass destruction.”

John gets up off the couch and turns off the television.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

He comes to my side and wraps his arms around me. “Not to worry. We shouldn’t be watching TV anyway. Let’s get ready for bed. Just think when we wake up tomorrow-”

“You mean if.”

“No. I mean when. There will be no more evil, no more government, no more war, and no more religious prejudice. Satan and his evil temptations will be abolished from the planet. Paradise awaits us my love. Our time has finally come. Our patience and devotion have paid off.”

I smile at my husband. “And I have you to thank for my salvation. Who knows where I would be today if you hadn’t found me.”

“But I did find you. We were meant to be together.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” he croons. “Let’s make love.”

“John,” I giggle. “Don’t you think we should wait and see what happens to our world?”

“Why?” He kisses me before I can protest. 

Bang!

Startled, I jump, breaking loose from John’s embrace. Caden screams sending chills down my spine. Sex is forgotten. I bury my head in John’s chest.

Bang!

 

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Wilma1 wrote 173 days ago

Just realised I read this before. Its an interesting dilema and well written
Best of luck with it

Sue
One Foot in the Jungle

Wilma1 wrote 173 days ago

Just realised I read this before. Its an interesting dilema and well written
Best of luck with it

Sue
One Foot in the Jungle

Pia wrote 498 days ago

Dear Jenny, you're not active here, but your vote still counts. Please check my message to you. Thanks, Pia

Shieldmaiden wrote 561 days ago

The voice of your story is so alive the reader is immediately able to step in. You create a storyline that seems very real, and a circumstance that makes you sympathize Caden. You have something really good going here.

--Shieldmaiden

nenno wrote 573 days ago

Going through all my comments to see who I backed and doing the star thing. Good luck, again Four Better Four Worse

Wilma1 wrote 596 days ago

Your start is deep and emotional with Rebecca whose beliefs are so strong so unquestioning that she will cut out her mother for not joining the Jehovah group. She is so convinced in her faith that the end of the world is coming that night. I like the way you number her mothers husbands it shows how much she loathed them. We meet Caden as a man. He swears drinks and has a step father called Ray so obviously John didn’t make it.
I find myself getting angry as the elders determine Caden’s fate but this can only lend its self to your excellent writing that makes me feel like that. This is very good I’d like to read it all
Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley – Please spend a moment to take a look

Wye wrote 596 days ago

Firstly I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read this mainly because my middle son needed three blood transfusions when he was born and my husband when he was taken ill. But I thought it fair to give it a try and I was glad I did. The reaction of a mother to her daughter marrying a Jehovah was realistically written, as was meeting her grandson. She just wants the best for them and her questioning of her daughter about what she will do when Armageddon doesn’t happen is one she cannot accept. The husband John blindly sells the house believing he can choose anyone he wants as only Jehovah’s will be alive after dawn. You jump to an older generation who are questioning and rebelling their parent’s beliefs. This is a well written book it does not seek to either praise or decry just record. I could happily read on so that for me is a sign that its very good.

Amelia x

A Date in the Diary – I do hope you enjoy it

Naya Carter wrote 603 days ago

Hi Jennifer- I just read your first chapter and I really enjoyed it. I am running out of my alloted authonomy time for today but I just had to peak ahead to chap 2 to see what their reaction was when the world didnt end? I noticed you skipped ahead a few years but I hope you will tell us later! Anyway, I love the realistic dialogue and the storyline. My only suggestion for now is that when you jump from your memory of John finding Rebecca back to the present maybe you could seperate that span of time a little clearer...like you some asterix or something?? I also think you could get rid of the "crick, crick" of the chair. Lastly, I was curious if you have personal experience with Jehovah's Witness? The book I posted is a memoir and I think you'll enjoy it! I'll be back to read more later...good job, Naya (Aquarian Moon)

Francene Stanley wrote 605 days ago

Great first chapter, beautifully written. You offer Rebecca's thoughts as absolutely believing that the world will end, and then the chapter ends with a bang. Great! Of course, the reader doesn't fall for it. We know the world goes on. I love her pure, simple logic. She's condemming everyone else, her mother included on one belief, which she holds true. You've set a good permise. The reader will need to read on to find out how she copes when she finds that she is wrong.

I'm backing your book.

Francene. Still Rock Water. (Please take a look.)

tisseurdecontes wrote 608 days ago

You have an interesting and somewhat unique idea here. I'm wondering if you have personal experience with Jehovah's Witnesses. I have a basic knowledge of their beliefs which do involve salvation by works, but I'm wondering if the characters are realistic or over stereotyped (I'm not saying that they are, I'm just wondering if you personally know JWs like the characters in your book. The only reason I bring it up is because you want to keep this believable. If the characters become a caricature, then people will not take the book seriously. But my personal knowledge is limited on this point, so if you have done your homework, that's fine, but remember most of your readers will know little or nothing about Jehovah's Witnesses, so you have to convince them that your presentation is accurate.

I am not a fan of present tense narrative, but there seems to be a lot of it on the site here and I wonder if it is becoming a trend (or a fad - take your pick). Traditionally, books are written in past tense (except for dialogue, of course). If you made a conscious choice to write in present tense, then stick with it, but if it was not a conscious choice, I would encourage you to consider rewriting in past tense. Some people like present tense, but a large number of people really don't like it and that could lose you some readers. Something to consider, but you need to do what you think is best for your work.

When you choose to write a book in first person, normally, you stick with the same POV (point of view) throughout the book. But chapter 1 is written in the first person from the pov of Rebecca and chapter 2 from the pov of Caden. This initially threw me off at the beginning of chapter 2 because you don't announce your change of pov.

If you plan to change pov a lot throughout the book, you might want to consider switching the narrative to third person, which allows you to more easily look inside the head of different people.

This has real potential, but needs some more work (like most of us - I thought I had "finished" my book until I joined this site and I have been doing unending revisions since then, so don't lose heart).

Backed with best wishes.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

stoatsnest wrote 611 days ago

Original theme,well written,literature. Thank you for introducing me to it.

Robert Craven wrote 614 days ago

Hi Jen,

beautifully written and it toes the fine line between Caden's nihilistic existence and the controversial premise of devout faith neatly.

You have a unique voice and I'm very happy to back this, my (gut) reaction though is, who is your audience? Really thought-provoking novel, but would people of other faiths sympathise?

minor quibble - superb!

Rob

Despinas1 wrote 614 days ago

Dear Jennifer
A Matter of Conscience is an amazing piece, with great potential. You characters are so enthralling and the story about religion versus family is one that all can relate too.....
I have backed this novel with pleasure and wish you the best of luck with its success.
Helen
The Last Dream

nenno wrote 614 days ago

this proved to be easy reasing and the present tense worked well. Interesting read

andrew skaife wrote 615 days ago

This treads the boards of themes that most would avoid (and with reason) but your writing carries them wonderfully. You control the structure and pace excellently and take serious issues by the scruff of the neck with aplomb and deft application.

BACKED

Roger Thurling wrote 615 days ago

Good plot, good characterisation and very well written - I liked this a lot. Besides being a novel, this is also a book we can learn from. Backed with pleasure.
RT

CarolinaAl wrote 615 days ago

Great theme. An emotional story with complex, credible characters. Intense imagery. Well textured. Powerful dialogue. Thought-provoking narrative. Superb dramatic tension. Brilliant writing. Backed.

Jehmka wrote 616 days ago

Oh...
I mean... wow!
I like this story. I enjoy the writting too. It places the reader right square in the middle of a world only a Jehovah's Witness could know. I have to honestly say, I would've never thought I'd want to be there... even for a minute... but this is fascinating. I felt as though I was Rebecca Ryan as I read her thoughts and words. Experiencing the complexly and depths of her humanity. She is so amazingly real. She is a human... like me... who would of thought.

Jennifer, you have a remarkable writting style. I'm definitely shelving A Matter of Conscience. This is a book I would buy and pass on to friends and family.

Rodney Jones
The Father

WriterGurl1 wrote 616 days ago

Hi Jennifer,
Well written and engaging. A tough subject to read and frustrating for me, but that is nothing against your skill. I wish you luck and back you with enthusiasm. Have a great day!

Sincerely.
Heidi

SPW wrote 617 days ago

Very touching book with a powerful theme. Your dialogues are so well written and your descriptions are very vivid. You have a great talent for writing and hope that this book will do well!
Backed.
Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Pen Power wrote 618 days ago

This is powerful stuff Jennifer. Such torment for that mother and you do it so well.
I am very sure that the subject matter and your ability as a writer will carry you with all speed up to the desk. Please do some thorough editing and cut out any 'extra' words to keep the flow going and check for those dreadful grammar errors we all make and miss.
Good luck
Alice

nenno wrote 621 days ago

Great skills here, and an interesting, topical premise. I think it will offer invaluable insights into a religion which most observe from afar. Not at all tedious, which I thought it might be. Present tense masterfully done. Best of luck. FOUR BETTER FOUR WORSE

corichaffee wrote 622 days ago

I love the idea of this story because it is a realistic one... I've seen news snippets from time to time with this very issue. Your writing is compelling, your paragraphs are tight and flow smoothly. I love it so far!!

Backed with pleasure.

Best,
Cori
"Princess"

Leigh Michaels wrote 622 days ago

Loving this story so far. Can't wait to read more. Your dialogue is so realistic, and your setting so vivid. Great character development. Shelved.

A. Zoomer wrote 625 days ago

A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE

Dear Jennifer S,
I love the writing.
The dialogue is so strong - could this be a play as well?

Backed with certainty that people should read this.
A zoomer
(Going out in Style)

Bocri wrote 625 days ago

06 September 2010
A Matter of Conscience is, in my humble opinion, one of the top novels on this site. I could not fault any of the literary elements of the work. It has sensitivity, it has graphic description, it has a sense of 'real' brought to the page with a power that enables the reader to visualise each scene, to 'know' each character and to feel each emotion experienced by the players. With respect, BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Sarah King wrote 628 days ago

This is such a thought provoking subject. I have known, and been friends with quite a few Jehovah's Witnesses and had many conversations with them about things such as blood transfusions and where they stand when it comes to their children. Your writing and approach to the subject are excellent. Only one suggestion to improve the flow of your book; maybe you could cut down the length of your chapters? Splt them up a bit more. Already backed with pleasure. Sarah

Sly80 wrote 629 days ago

This is such a powerful story, Jennifer, and takes the reader right inside the heart and mind of a 'true believer' - Rebecca awaiting Armageddon, almost as she would await the milkman, but with much more trepidation given the expected outcome, 'have I ... repented enough, prayed enough, and pioneered enough to be saved?'

At sixteen, she was ripe for plucking, 'my tulip bulb snout'. Back to the weird reality: 'John refuses to do anything with it until after Armageddon'. The worst thing is, it's actually funny in places, 'A beer? Before noon? Pure evil'. I'm warming to her mother, red nails and all, 'All I ever did was love you the best I knew how', never was enough for a teenager.

On to another teenager, Caden, and the death of a hero. It seems it was Rebecca who held on to the religion. But Caden must have his gran's DNA, 'I can feel him trying to stretch himself taller', followed by, 'Shit! It's a fucking ambush'. Then, 'Is that what happened to his own daughter?' OMG, 'Two children down and two to go' High Fives to Caden.

I'll avoid all the typical reaction to this, most of which I've written and then deleted. Many religious people will see this as a denouncement of a cult, and many non-religious people will see it as denouncement of religion. I see it primarily as a study of psychology and relationships, and the stupidity and strength of different characters. I do think this is an important story, and written with the skill and polish to be almost immediately publishable. I think you should be querying agents but also sticking with authonomy for a while (to see what the planned changes will bring). In a fair system, this is a novel I can see going to the top ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: simplify end slightly, 'forced to challenge their beliefs to either choose family and life, or choose religion and her certain death'. The name of the husband in the pitch is Ray, in the story, it's John - ah, I see. But confusing to begin with - maybe gloss over the actual name in the pitch?

Eunice Attwood wrote 632 days ago

You have done a wonderful job here, and I am delighted to back your book. Great narrative, and the subject is very relevant to me. I come up against other people's 'issues of faith' regularly. It's all part of the job for me. Eunice - The Temple Dancer and The Poetic Voice of Soul.

nsllee wrote 632 days ago

Hi Jennifer

I found this very interesting - you set up situations very cleverly and then cut away, leaving the reader feverishly turning the pages to find out what happened. It's great to see the varying points of view and you convey them all distinctively and convincingly. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

BJ Alexander wrote 633 days ago

A Matter of Conscience-

This book was recommended to me with very good literary taste! You had me at the pitch so reading three chapters was no problem at all. You have crafted a story set in a world few of us know past the ringing of our doorbell and for that reason, I have to admit a certain morbid fascination with it. How does one put so much faith in religion that free will all but disappears?

And you’ve built some fascinating characters. A woman whose blind faith eventually turns on her. A boy whose need to express himself causes a greater loss. A man whose personal tragedy guides his life. Talk about a page turner!

I do have a few concerns but bear in mind, these are mostly personal nits and have nothing to do with the competence of the writing itself: In that I can find little fault—you do an excellent job with dialog and have a manner of interweaving description into a scene so it appears seamless. Very well done.

The first person in multiple pov can be confusing and there were times the characters sounded similar. It’s also a little bit hard to know right away whose pov is used in each chapter unless the name is in the chapter title. I can’t help wondering how much stronger this book could be if told in third person multiple. Basically, trying to know several characters as intimately as first person demands can be exhausting.

I’m also not a fan of present tense. It feels like the author is trying too hard to draw me into the story and in this case that certainly isn’t necessary. The tense wavers some, too, as you fade in and out of flashbacks. I understand why you slip to past in the flashbacks but consistency is often better.

So I’m skimming through chapter 4 and I still don’t know what happened to John Ryan!

I will back this book. Well done and good luck. -Barb

Kid A wrote 633 days ago

This is very far from the sort of thing I'd usually read, but you raise some interesting issues and your writing is very clean and your narrative concise. Good luck with it.

Andy M. Potter wrote 634 days ago

hiya Jennifer, fellow canuck?
love R's narrative voice. spare, clean. perfect tone for your fictional conceit. i find myself slipping into her world. kudos.
on my shelf.
no quibbles. this is a clean ms.
best wishes, andy

memphisgirl wrote 635 days ago

I've read to chapter four, and I have to say, this is the most provocative, captivating, disturbing (in a good way) read I've encountered in a long while, on this site or among published books. The tension builds layer upon layer through varying points of view, reminding me of Kingsolver's Poisonwood Bible. Opening with Caden's father and hinting at his progression either into madness or complete abdication of the faith (can't wait to find out which) provides just the hook we need. The exchanges among Witnesses and those innocent "scapegoats" trapped, suffering for the faith, are just right, dead on and so revealing, the characters poignant and so real they bleed. The lingo of the Jehovah's Witnesses, the mention of "pioneering" (what Southern Baptists would call witnessing), the trauma of little children robbed even of their birthdays and national holidays serve to render the hardship and struggle of the innocent in bondage to such cruel masters. These scenes carve your heart up. Gorgeous storytelling.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

chantellyb wrote 635 days ago

An intriguing look into the life of a passionate young woman. I like your presentation and your insightsinto the character's way of thinking.

jennrose77 wrote 636 days ago

There's a silly missed edit.... I swear I've read this thing so many times I don't see small edits like that anymore. Thanks, Cheers....

A sad, tragic story, told in frank prose with poignant shading.
Near the beginning of C. 1, a line reads, "Since Caden's birth, I've worried about the possibility of every day being the lat." Is that word "last"?
All the best.
sc

R.A. Battles wrote 636 days ago

Backed on the strength of your writing. I'm happy to be included among the list your supportrs.

Rodney

S.C. Thompson wrote 637 days ago

A sad, tragic story, told in frank prose with poignant shading.
Near the beginning of C. 1, a line reads, "Since Caden's birth, I've worried about the possibility of every day being the lat." Is that word "last"?
All the best.
sc

zan wrote 637 days ago

A Matter Of Conscience

Jennifer Schipper

There seems to be much drama as this story unfolds and the conflicts are personal and intense.You have some good dialogue here. "Do you hear your self? Do you hear the condescension in your voice? When did you become so self righteous?" I think one of your strengths is in your dialogue. However for honest feedback from my subjective view - personally, before I buy a novel, the subject matter has to appeal to me. I've encountered academically through my profession this issue of the objection to blood transfusions based on religious belief - and only because of this exposure and knowledge of surrounding issues, the plot does not excite me because it is nothing new to me, from a creative viewpoint. However, this very personal, emotive storyline might appeal to others, especially those who face similar conflicts from time to time, or potentially can. Best of luck in finding a publisher Jennifer. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Pia wrote 639 days ago

Jennifer -

A Matter of Conscience - Family loyalty versus individual conscience is a powerful theme, especially when set into the Jehova's Wittness belief, which is painfully caught in a narrow zone of strict faith. It highlights the cause of most wars on our shrinking planet. Where is spiritual liberty? This is a challenging task you set yourself. I think with a little patience and support, you can sculpt this story to reach out and make many people add wider perspectives to their fixed ones and reflect on what it takes to become human. Wishing you the best success.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

MickR wrote 640 days ago

Jenn,
My first bit of advice will be to trim. Most times, as I have found each time I read my own work, is that less is more. I seem to remove unnecessary words every time I sit down to edit.
For example, pretty much everyone has their own bedroom layout memorized, so do you need to tell us Rebecca does?

I sit with him in our rocking chair and offer him my breast to feed. (‘to feed’ isn’t needed, why else would she offer an infant her breast?)

Placement of words in a sentence can make a message crystal clear, or somewhat muddied.
I tiptoe to the crib at the foot of my bed in the dark. (Is only the foot of the bed in the dark?) Consider – In the dark, I tiptoe to the crib at the foot of my bed.

Just a few things I noticed. Overall good job.
MickR – The Nightcrawler

Ariom Dahl wrote 641 days ago

Jennifier, I've read one chapter and am fascinated. So well told.

Barry Wenlock wrote 642 days ago

Hi Jennifer, I've known some real life similar cases and some tragic outcomes. It's a very difficult issue, which I think your book will help to explain. Thanks for sharing it -- you write well.
Backed with best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Beval wrote 642 days ago

A powerful and disturbing insight into a relgion I knew something about, but not in quite the depth that the author obviously does.
I now see why I am bombarded on the doorstep, it is of course the height of bad manners, but apparently it is done for a reason. The reason is beyond me, my own faith neither requires nor seeks converts, but I am prepared now to acknowledge that there is no malice in it, arrogance , but no ill intent.
The book itself is well written, I thought the technic of see things from each pov was well done and gave a greater understanding of the morality and emotions of each person far better than a straight narrative would have done.
This is always going to be a contoversial read, no matter where you stand on the subject, but I feel this book does allow an equal oppotunity for both sides of the question.

Richard Maitland wrote 642 days ago

Some books entertain; some books inform and educate. Some books provoke questions in the reader's mind, and lead to healthy debate. A Matter of Conscience does all three.

One doesn't have to be an atheist to dislike the symbolic trappings of religion, nor its inhumane strictures, and the author of this book has very cleverly managed to condemn the religiously-bigoted cruelty of the Jehovah's Witnesses' laws without being in any way sacrilegious or opposing faith per se.

The opening chapter showed us a young couple at the end of 1975, ticking down the last few hours to the promised Armageddon. How painful it was to watch them and to witness their blind, unreasoning faith and to hear the delighted tone in John's voice at having sold off their home; superfluous in the coming Paradise. The reader wants to shout out: "You fools!" at their naivety, but John and Rebecca cannot hear us -- and would resolutely ignore us if they could.

There are important questions asked throughout the seven chapters of the upload -- questions that do not seem to have occurred to JWs. If only 144,000 souls are to be saved, what will happen to the millions of obedient, righteous JWs who don't make the cut? Why is God so petty as to test the faith of His 'true' followers by visiting sickness on little children? Why this ludicrous adherence (relaxed slightly only recently) to the belief that to accept a blood transfusion is to defy the word of God?

This generally well-written and thought-provoking book is not totally free of flaws, but they are nearly all of a minor nature and can easily be sorted in an editorial tweaking. In Chapters 1 and 3, I suggest "reigning down" should be "raining down"; in 2 and 6 we have "fowl" words and smell respectively when it should, of course, be "foul"; and in Ch.2 the letter "r" is needed to make "... that's what this whole face of a production ..." into "farce".

I thought the car crash in Ch.3 was handled weakly. The description was distanced and slightly jokey -- "... only seemed to increase the car's determination to detour off-road". I'd suggest this could benefit from a gingering-up. And there was a clumsy piece of Tell in that chapter, too: "Dr Haskin -- you know, our family doctor". In Ch.4 I think you mean "fork tines", not "tongs".

Two little nitpicks about Ch.5: I would think "make love", in this context would be more appropriate than "... knowing full well that he wants to have sex". And, after the interview with the gloating new owner of their home, I'd suggest "moaned" would be a better choice than "sighed". ("One week", he moaned). "Sighed" is too resigned; "moaned" is more despairing.

I must single out Chapter 4 for containing a passage that cannot fail to make the reader despair at the wicked propaganda peddled in the name of religion: Referring to the bus journey -- "Who knows what evil being sat in the seat before me, leaving behind a presence that could be lurking, ready to grab me in a moment of weakness?"

A Matter of Conscience, whilst ostensibly about the literally life-changing decisions faced by a family of Jehovah's Witnesses, asks questions that we could all do well to consider. I wish the book well on its upward journey and am glad to help it on its way with a backing.

teremoto wrote 643 days ago

Crisply written with an hard hitting voice. Lots of questions and conflict quickly set up a curiosity arousing plot.

Noticed one little nit in C1: "..every day being the la(s)t..."

flower girl wrote 643 days ago

This is a gripping story which has interesting characters with realistic emotions and dialogue.
Backed.

flower girl wrote 643 days ago

This is a gripping story which has interesting characters with realistic emotions and dialogue. Backed.

cat5149 wrote 644 days ago

This is a beautiful piece of writing and I was engrossed in the story from the first word. The characters are fully developed and interesting and the dialogue moves the story along. I would buy this book if I saw it in a book store. Shelved, with pleasure.

Carol

PCreturned wrote 644 days ago

A polished, detailed and involving piece of writing. Clean prose and good, believable dialogue.

I'm happy to back your book, and wish you all the best with it. :)

Pete

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