Directives for Murder

Ah I remember Directives for Murder well. I read and backed this book ages ago. I can see why. :)

The start's so dramatic and immediate.

I'm on Maggie's side at once, praying she'll escape. Maggie's panic really comes through in your writing. I can almost taste her fear.

And the hook at the end of the 1st chapter really makes me want to turn that virtual page. I can imagine your audience reading this on and on, far too late into the night. ;)

On rereading, I still think this is a great pageturner. I'd love to hear the great news that this has been published and is out there selling. ;)

Since the starring system didn't exist when I 1st read this, i'm giving you as many stars as possible now. :)

Best wishes,

Pete

This story starts where all good stories should start - in the midle opf the action. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to read more than the first chapter but based on this I think you have a great story here and I didn't spot a single error in the sample I read.

Good luck with it.

Ron

love it!

This is on the edge seat stuff. A well thought out piece of work with compelling characters.

Hi Rome, I found your book to be an excellent thriller from the very begining.
Wonderful descriptive scenes with a good voice to it.
I think you refered too much to the use of the Gas Pedal in the first chapter but it is only my opinion.
This is only a small critique in what is basically a very good read.
Pleased to back your book. SHELVED.

Thanks for backing my book, I do appreciate it very much.

Best wishes,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest - Series )

Heart grabbing start - what's going on, who's chasing Maggie - the questions keep going from there - you manage to wrack up a lot of tension in the first few chapters which promises to make this an enjoyable, intriguing read - Backed with best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Great dramatic start. It grabs us, making us wonder what's going on, and who's chasing Maggie. Things only get more tense when we learn there's a killer involved.

You do a really good job of immersing us in Maggie's head with her interior monologue. We feel the heart-pounding fear right along with her.

And then a hook at the end of the 1st chapter in a mysterious call. Why is she calling the husband after so long?

I think you've good mix of action and mystery in your story. And that makes your book a real page turner.

I'm happy to back your work as it's an exciting, compelling read. :)

Pete

Although you only had the 6 chapters loaded, i was able get a good feel for the book, by skim reading them Well paced and some solid charcterisations. The storyline is very enjoyable. All in all, I am backing this with pleasure.
I have a short childrens' story ; called Paperbat Adventures on the site, which I would love you to look at. If you have any Kids around, they will love it and hopefully want to back it? !
All the best. Jerry [paperbat]

This is a beautifully written fast moving story. I really enjoyed reading it and wish I had time to read more. Backed, with pleasure.

Carol

Hi Rome,

Excellent story, superbly witen, plot moves fast, characters developed nicely, reads smooth. What else could I say? The sheer number of comments you've got says it all. BACKED

Hi Rome,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Rome, I like this thriller. It's well-written, edge of the seat stuff. The pace you set makes me want to turn the pages quickly just to keep up. Good luck with it. Backed, of course.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

DIRECTIVES FOR MURDER by Rome.

All the best in accomplished forensic insight, psychological skills and first rate talent for thrilling the reader marks this book out as an emminently marketable product in its genre. I sensed the hand of of a highly competent writer who gives true value for money in all aspects of what his/her Pitch promises. All the nuances and subtleties of a well crafted plot that carries the reader smoothly along to an ultimate original and clever unexpected twist in the culmination qualify this as a bookstore winner. I see Rome has a second book posted: I won't delay in reading that certain of not being disappointed. Backed & Re-Watchlisted.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

DIRECTIVES FOR MURDER by Rome.

All the best in accomplished forensic insight, psychological skills and first rate talent for thrilling the reader marks this book out as an emminently marketable product in its genre. I sensed the hand of of a highly competent writer who gives true value for money in all aspects of what his/her Pitch promises. All the nuances and subtleties of a well crafted plot that carries the reader smoothly along to an ultimate original and clever unexpected twist in the culmination qualify this as a bookstore winner. I see Rome has a second book posted: I won't delay in reading that certain of not being disappointed. Backed & Re-Watchlisted.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

hullo Rome. A great starting chapter you just need to do the magic and either read it back to yourself or have someone else read it to you. That way you will recognize wording errors or whatever doesn't fir. Very good.
Already shelved and backed.

Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Hello Rome, I read the first chapter and decided to leave the comment now. THIS book is spectacular. I love thriller books, ones that keep me on edge. Your detail is perfect and you keep me on track with the book. I don't lose focus on the storyline.. SUPERB! Best of look with your book!

Jessica
"A Daughter's Sacrifice"

BACKED!

Do you know what, this took me by surprise, the pitch is spot on, sets the story up but not spoiling it, you have taken an old formula and given it a new lease of life, this reminds me of Mississippi Burning and In the Heat of the Night, and the teist of the possibility of more than one likker boosts the story in a new direction which is then drop kicked by the neo nazi plot which turns the whole thing in on itself to create what was one minute a thriller in the vein of Silence of the lambs and Seven to a global threat using a backwater town to fuel its fire, Love the mesh of ideas which you successfully weave together to form a cracking story. Genuinely mean this, hope this goes to the top. in fact it deserves publication.

This breathless, tense opening would be even better if the imagery were clearer, e.g. in the first paragraph, I imagine she's running. In the second, she is at the wheel, but we don't know what of, and in the third, she is pedalling a car, which again strikes me as odd. A tighter focus on the visuals would help the reader to see what the writer is seeing.

Back to the flight from the killer, and the caped woman is an unexpected turn of events. Another potential murder victim? The woman seems erratic, to say the least. It turns out that she isn't running from the killer, but that she is part of a whole group of people including the killer.

This is an exciting plot, Rome, but the writing needs some more work. A few of the phrases sound slightly strange to me, e.g. 'deciphering the stage of the night scene possibly common in this soulless place', 'We do not need your hand bleeding off this crazy missy do we?' I think if you simplify the sentences to their most basic meaning first, then you can add your lyricism and unique wording afterwards.

You certainly have the writing talent to bring your vivid imagination alive on the page. I'd like to see how this shapes up in the future.

Really exciting stuff. A page-turner indeed. This really has the makings of a best seller with a little more work. Already backed with pleasure. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

I thought the pitch exception but found some of the narrative on chapter one a lilte unsettling. I was not sure why but it seemed to jar a little chapters 2 & 3 settled down and the real writer came to the fore. May I sugest a re look at chapter one this is such a good story once you have settled in but you need to hook the reader earlier on. Best of luck.
Wilma
Knowing Liam Riley.

Hi Rome, There's a lot of tension and expectation in your story. A genuine page turner. I read two chapters and I like your style. The book will do well I'm sure.
One comment, if I may be so bold. "A lot unclear" is not terrific! Unclear as a word says it all.
I also think some additional dialogue would enhance the story and the reading of a terrific book.
Good luck, I'm backing it!
David (Flawless Murder)

Rome,
Directives for Murder,
I read the first two chapters.
Love the plot and your character descriptions. The story moves quickly and I wanted to keep reading to find out what happens to Maggie and why they took her in the first place.
Some of the sentences need some work. "Her destination, a lot unclear, Maggie found herself...."
Suggestion: Her destination was unclear, Maggie found herself....
"Wiring what courage she had, she astutely peddled the car onwards."
Cars don't peddle and astutely is awkward and shouldn't be used this way in this sentence.
Wiring is probably not the best word to use also.
"She increased the speed from a peddle to a hastening grip on the gas peddle"
Sugggestion :She pressed her foot harder on the gas or something else like that.
Later again "forced the gas onto the petal" again usually not described that way.
Maggie stopped and then sized her surroundings" sized up is the usual way to say.
I write poetry and am not the greatest to critique on sentence structure ect but found I was confused at times.
Overall the story has great potential and I wish you success.
Njoy *moods and expressions*

Opening chapters expertly written and filled with suspense. Very exciting read. Backed of course, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Hi Rome

Just trying to help. It's true it's a long time since I read a political thriller. The last one was probably "The Spy Who Came in from the Cold". All I can say is John LeCarre never expressed himself quite the way you do! Good luck with your book.

Nicole

Hi NSL Lee,
Thank you for your feedback; I can't tell you who I am but my books have been published by the McGraw Hill Companies on a professional level - so suffice to say they have been reviewed by some of the foremost editors across the world. ...my guess is you never read political thrillers nor do you dabble with Tom Clancy or Robert Ludlum for that matter.

It is always important to seat yourself from the perspectives of the writer rather than to subject yourself from your own personal "dictum" but I thank you for your opinions. Anything counts.

Best,

Rome
Directives for Murder

Hi Rome

I find the prose quite awkward - it feels as if you are not a native speaker of English? On the one hand, there are lots of cliches - "time was running out", "one more slip was going to cost her dearly". On the other hand, there are awkward locutions which are not how the idea would be expressed in English - "her priorities remained on the road, towards making safety". This is ambiguous because the expression "on the road" can be taken literally or metaphorically. Something more natural might be: "her priority was to stay on the road and to make it to safety".

There are lots and lots of awkward bits like this. I'll list a few:

should be "on unfamiliar ground", not "on unfamiliar grounds"
"she had already delivered enough adrenaline flow that told her merciless captor how vulnerable she was" - what does this mean? How could the captor know how much adrenalin was running through her? And she's not really delivering adrenalin, her body is releasing adrenalin. And how can he be her captor when she is obviously not being held captive right at present?
should be "powerful hands...wrapped their hold", not "powerful hands...wrapped its hold"
"almost" used twice in two consecutive sentences. The second time it is not necessary - it actually has come that close, not almost come that close.
you wouldn't "man" a wheel to turn it to the left. You might "helm" or "steer" the car closer to the left. But you can only "turn" the wheel.
You make it sound as if the reason why she must make the right decision is because she looked ahead while steering the car to the left. I assume that is not what you meant.
should be "what papers did he need" not "what papers that he needed"
"large trench coat maniac" is ambiguous - is it the trench coat that is large, or the maniac? And really I wouldn't call him a maniac at all, it makes it sound like a horror movie joke.
you wouldn't "size the sight" of the maniac - you size things when you assess how large or prominent they are. It's not another way of saying that you are looking out for something.
"overshot her cards" - what can this mean? when you overshoot something, it means that you accidentally pass the thing that you were aiming for. That's not something that you would do with cards.

I could go on and on. I would say that you need to pay a professional editor (or get a very good friend with a good grasp of vernacular English to do it for free) to run through this and sort out all the verbal infelicities. I am happy to back the book because I think you have a good idea, an instinctive grasp of suspense and some interesting character relationships set up, but to give the book its best chance of recognition, you have to sort out the problems with the language.

Nicole (Chosen)

The opening is very good
Backed
Eveleen

Like a mystery / horror film, it keeps you glued to the screen, whether you like it or not!
Well done and backed.
Kirk

Dear Rome,
This MENU FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER is reveting, conscious, intelligent and true thrilling. A pack of grounded characters well crafted. I love it, for its too compelling with masterful pontential to make a great read when success smile on your face to the Ed, Desk, which I see around the corner, Goodluck.

Phenominal plot and writing - easy to back. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Your superb opening line hooked me. You enhance your gripping narrative with apt metaphors like 'send a fearful siren to her' and superb similies such as 'grew like hideous shapes in the grim darkness.' Your dialogue reads real and is relevant. No idle chit chat here. Your pacing kept me riveted to the page.

Nit:
Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness.

This is a thoroughly captivating thriller. Backed.

My comments below are only referencing M.A. McRae's - just my own take on this.

Kind Regards,
Rome

1. The comments are highly judgmental with too many suppositions about what constitutes "manning" and what constitutes "as unusual" - from my own perspectives, failure to understand the cultural flow of language in a situational or environmental context be it in England, Ireland or the United States or for that matter in Germany, is probably the hindsight of a poor writer and a shortcoming I choose to do without. I have lived all across the world and mixed with so many people from so many diverse backgrounds that if I do not learn or least of all comprehend the graces of another country, I am best done on my hopes of being an author.

2. There is an assumption that the writer was running on foot (see Para 1, Chapter 1). I never said she was running. A simply query would have indicated as follows:
On the run - "In rapid retreat" Freedictionary.com; I hope that corrects the misnomer or suggestion that I ever implied Maggie was “running”. The same would apply with the word “manning”.

I am sure there are other dictionaries which will also state the same. The definition of these words are as described in the dictionary and regardless of where I live.

3. This is a murder mystery thriller. The language flow has to engage the reader and drum up sufficient interest to hold the reader's interest etc etc etc.

While I do agree no one’s perfect, I would of course improve along the way. It is what writers do at all time. I appreciate the commentaries but had to give my take on this particular one. Thanks.

Rome

You have an interesting and complex plot, and believable characters that we care about. The flaw with this novel is that your writing is not smooth. There are words used incorrectly, and phrases used in an unusual way. When you are more skilled, this will probably be your greatest strength, but right now, your writing is too often awkward. I would suggest that you try reading aloud to yourself, try cutting down some of the longer sentences, and try to eliminate ambiguities where they occur. An early example is 'she manned the wheel closer to the left.' Two things about this, the first is that I assumed she was on foot, as she was 'on the run,' and there was no mention of a car, and 'manning the wheel' usually refers to taking charge of the wheel, for instance on a boat. One would not 'man the wheel closer to the left.' This is just one example. There are many more throughout, and even in your pitch.
I think you probably have a good story, and I think maybe one day, your writing will match it. Right now, the awkwardness of the flow is letting you down.
I wish you all luck for the future of your writing career. Marj.

Riveting, twisted, conflicted and full of thrills.

Edge of your seat reading with grounded characters and awesome pacing.

Backed and enjoyed.

AmyR
Trust Me

A very powerful read!

Conscious, intelligent and truly thrilling. You raise very important issues troubling the world - the right, the wrong -- helplessness, judgment, victimizing, the inevitable -- or rather -- where does lie the end of human dark side and powerlessness...?

Two thumbs up!

Backed with the utmost pleasure

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

The characters are well crafted and believable. You have the ability to create strong dramatic scenes.
Good luck with your writing.
Jane

Hi Rome, The outset is gripping and raises the questions of why Maggie doesn’t know the area and can’t find a place to stop her car. The action on the street with the hooded figures and the woman she lets in the car mount with horror since Maggie is bewildered. This being thought the work of a serial killer when we’re aware that it’s some sort of gang is a exciting way to start. The dialogue is odd in that Maggie is unsuspecting. Well-written from her POV. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

It's a good story and on the whole well told although it could perhaps do with a little re-writing to make it more accessible to general readership. I backed it from the pitch and am glad to have done so for its potential.

Rome, premise is catching and moves well except

Sentences like "Maggie wiped off the heavy sweat that was coming down hard on her brow, feeling the damp humid flavor of the swelling night rubbing down on her... (awkward - sweat coming from her brow, feel the flavor don't normally feel flavor.) Notice KC suggest reading aloud - that's usually how i read these so I catch these kinds of things, but backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

Hi Rome.

'Directives for Murder' is a good, gripping tale. Quite addictive, and I'm happy to put it on my shelf.

Best wishes.

Michael Ashley Torrington, 'Kristin'.

Rome, What a well written, gripping tale. I had so much anxiety while reading, I felt like I was watching a suspense movie. You build tension well, and Maggie may be young and innocent but her strength and resilence have you pulling for her, while emotionally attaching you to her immediately.

Your descriptives are wonderful and the mystery of who kohl is and where this will lead makes this a real page turner. I do wish there were more but based on your pich this promises to keep up the great pace, along with intrigue and suspense Backed with no doubts of its success Patricia aka Columbia...This would make a great movie.

Directives for murder

Backed.

TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

Dear Rome,
The subject matter in Directives for Murder is so intriguing and profound. I found your first chapter written extremely well. Crime, thriller, suspense novels have always been my favorite, and this one is pretty outstanding. Sheriff Jack Hodgson will definitely have his work cut out trying to capture the real killer, and I cannot wait to find out who that might be. I will of course return, the suspense will keep me coming.
Backed with utmost pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Rome,
Directive for Murder has powerful potential. The dynamics between Maggie and her father, Maggie and her mother, her parents, Jack and Grace, Grace and Nancy, Grace and Rachel and I see a great story emerging. My only pieceof advice would be to simplify your writing--use more every day verbs (verbs, in my opinion are the heart of a sentence.), cut the number of adjectives in half, and cut out all but absolutely essential adverbs. I'm curious about two things: where does this take place? and where did you grow up? Another sure fire way to pick up readibilitiy is to read it aloud. See how flows to your own ears. You have the elements and the story. I'll back you for that.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Love the premise. Underneath it all, you're an emerging great writer. If you haven't already, read Stephen King's On Writing. He doesn't know it, but he got his hands on me and I emerged a better writer for it.

Drop "astutely" from paragraph two. Please, just for me.

Do a revision for directness. You have a tendency to use impersonal adverbs and adjectives (sometimes verbs like grimaced) to distance me from the characters. Instead of Jack wrenching his eyes open, how about, from Jack's point of view, smacking us around with what the room looked like through Jack's eyes. And, while I'm on the subject, if we're in Jack's head, I want to stay there. I'm getting comfortable with him. Therefore, Jack won't know exactly what was going on in his ex's mind when she divorced him (stupid, poor sap that she was, and by God she'll regret it). Let's just spit it out. I like the line that seems to say, "She wanted the damned divorce, and she got it." This has so much potential. Hope you know that I wouldn't give it five seconds if I didn't see it on the editor's shelf.

Memphisgirl

Rome -

Directives for Murder - A rather unusual rhythm of writing, which I begun to warm to after a while, especially as the plot thickened and the fascinating characters absorbed my attention. When it comes to your next edit you could easily intensify the action in places by taking out a word here and there without losing your unique style.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors).

You are totally fantastic, Rome! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Rome
This is really well written and is filled with tension. You also develop your characters extremely well. I would personally have preferred more dialogue in the early chapters but it did still flow really well. A great thriller.
DP Walker
Five Dares

First of all, let me say that I love the essence of this story. It is precisely the kind of novel I enjoy on a hot day accompanied with a glass of Merlot. Your prose demonstrates insight, perceptiveness and huge intelligence. there are few minor things I would like you to consider, however, to make it more attractive to the casual reader/agent/publisher. Your pitch is fantastic but could do with some re-phrasing (in my humble opinion.) Look at your last paragraph. It's sixty seven words long (I counted, how sad am I?), with one comma. It was just too much. Your ideas are excellent, just break it up abit to make it more digestible. I suppose the same argument could be directed at your prose. I read all four chapters and thought your use of language was superb. However, some of teh paragraphs seemed very long and dense. Of course, it's difficult to read on a laptop anyway, but there were times it felt like a struggle to make it to the end of a paragraph.

Please don't think I didn't enjoy it, I did. Enormously. You establish some fantastic tensions and Jack has the makings of a great character. Just consider what I've said in terms of readability.
Carl