The Avenging Buddha

It's an exciting and complicated chase of a killer. I predict a fairly wide appeal.
Lara
A RELATIVE LOSS

Good stuff.
The writing is comfortable with an easy flow and believable dialogue.
I got a little confused about who was who in the first chapter, but that could just be me being a bit of a div.
Personally, I think your first sentence could be a bit snappier - it felt a little too long. But, I'm a stickler for great first lines and have re-written mine countless times.

I've backed and starred you.
Good luck!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Steve:

I'm drawn right into this on the strength of your excellent writing. Good work!

Rob

Steve,

I read through chap 3 then encountered download difficulties... will have to come back for more later. But my initial thought is that you don't need the first chap. Although it orients me to information in chap 2 and 3, I think I, as a reader, am okay if bits of background about Mal, the bar, etc are provided as I go along. They serve as story hooks to keep me reading to find out more.

If you are going to keep chap 1, something to consider is that you've started the scene in the anonymous point of view of "the writer". That feels distancing to me. It wasn't until Nick, Todd and Mal began interacting that I was pulled into the story.

Your writing is polished and engaging, and your story intriguing and I look forward to reading more.

Ann Warner - Absence of Grace

Okay, I love how Magee is always shouting Bollocks! This is tight. The rapid-fire back and forth, conversations are interrogations. Mystery, insanity, the shadowy murderer. God, your good. Can I spoil the end? M's brother? I like the idea that Nick was the ( ) one! The final scene, dude it was just creepy. I did feel a little jilted that the guy was "killed too easily". I bet, mentioning plumpness, there could be a parachute and a sequel? Might mention Rees wearing a bullet-proof vest because he is shot a lot.

6 stars from me!

Great pitch!~ Watchlisted for now. Looks to be an interesting read...JKinkade

First impression: Wow! That first paragraph is a beauty. You establish the fact you're an outstanding writer, you create a distinct voice that I could easily see myself reading for several hundred pages, and you've set the scene perfectly.

Your writing style is addicting. It's fast-paced and polished. You avoid unnecessary info, words, adverbs, dialogue tags, etc. It's a true pleasure to read your writing.

The exchange between Nick and his wife was excellent. Your dialogue is to-the-point, realistic, and filled with characterization. Whether intentionally or not, you've created a connection between your characters and your reader through this dialogue. The exchange between friends is realistic, too, and contains a subtle humor that works well.

Not only is this polished, but it's well-edited. At the completion of chapter one (and chapter two!!), I didn't come across a single mistake. I can't tell you how nice it was to sit back and enjoy this one. I could easily see myself taking this to the beach and reading it from cover to cover. I had only intended to read the first chapter, but you hooked me and I couldn't stop. Oops.

After reading chapter two, I'm impressed with how effective your first chapter was. I had a serious "aww" moment when I read "It was almost as if he could feel her presence." Way to play with my emotions. You also end the second chapter effectively. You raise a couple of big questions that will keep your reader hooked. Dang you! I have stuff to do today!

Suggestions: I became slightly confused with "She knelt to tend to her baby." Who is the she? There are a bunch of characters quickly introduced and you throw around pronouns assuming the reader knows who you're talking about. In most cases, I followed fine. In this one, I was confused. Also, the "family" situation is a bit confusing. You might be clearer in your introduction of them.

Other than that, my only real suggestions have nothing to do with your writing or story. First, you need a cover. The generic cover doesn't do this justice. Contact Bradley Wind. He's a genius and he'll make you one for free. Second, and this will be much more difficult if you've grown attached to it, but I think you should reconsider the title. While I'm sure it has significance, it really didn't grab my attention like it should have. This book is too good not to be noticed.

What can I say other than this is what six-star novels are all about? When the race to the editor's desk is all said and done, I know exactly what book I'm coming back to. This one. Please tell me when this is published. I'd love to buy a copy.

I read your first two chapters.

General comments: A captivating start. An interesting, engaging main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) 'Hey Jook, coming in for a swim?' Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.
2) 'A hard life had aged him beyond his years.' 'Aged him beyond his years' is cliche. Consider a more unique way to make this point.
3) 'Not with his background' ratcheted up the intrigue nicely.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) 'Eighteen years later, 12.15 am Saturday 27th April 1991.' '12.15 am' should be '12.15 a.m.'
2) 'And tonight it felt cold to the touch.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the coldness so vividly the reader will experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into the scene. There is another case of 'felt' in this chapter.
3) 'He could feel his heart pounding like a drum.' Try to avoid using the verb 'feel.' Just describe the pounding so realistically the reader will experience it along with Nick. When you do this, the reader will be more engaged in the scene. Also, 'pounding like a drum' is cliche. Consider using a more original similie.
4) 'It was as though someone was walking over his grave' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresh way.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and, if it's worthy, keep it in mind the next time you reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a wonderful day.

Al

Oh, I wish I had more time right now so I could keep reading. Chapter One was delightful, with such realistic depictions I could almost be there - it reminded me of Coolangatta (Qld) back in the day. Not now, though.

And the shock of the transition to Chapter 2. I am almost seduced into staying - wish I could.
Thank you for this, Steve. I'll be back.

Tonia
Blue Diamonds

Hi Steve

First of all, massive apologies for coming round to you so late, I really appreciate your continued support :)

I liked this. The chapters were the right length and packed with information. I liked chapter 1, the idyllic setting. Everythig is so good, it's almost too good to be true. The sunshine, the beach, the happy family...and then comes the darkness in chapter 2. Obviously something's gone wrong. Mal is dead and Nick is fearing things that go bump in the night. What's the ruby all about? Things take yet another twist in chapter 3. The Home Secretary. There is an argument that politician's can't be trusted. I'm guessing in his case it's true! The drop in about Nick last seeing him on a Tibetan mountainside - intriguing, and for some odd reason, this and the ruby and the hints of buddhist statues and the like are filling my head with Drake's Fortune type scenarios, which is no bad thing.

Nick is a likeable MC. He was perhaps a bit smug in the first chapter, but in chapter 2 we see him in a vulnerable position, the sympathy starts to ooze out for him. Your supporting characters are also well drawn. Todd, Nittaya - they add to the story but they don't outshine Nick. This is well written.

The only comments I have are there seemed to be a bit of overuse of commas in chapter 1, and in chapter 2, the use of 'in slow motion' didn't quite gel for me. Maybe just slowly would be better? But this is only my opinion and I'm hardly qualified to talk! The only other thing is the cover - it doesn't do this story justice...

On the whole, this is a good read. It's starred and it will make its way onto my shelf. The backlog is long, but this is one I'd want to have up for a while :)

Silva

It’s funny, as I was reading The Avenging Buddha, I realized that I never read mysteries anymore. Not that this novel is strictly a mystery, but there is certainly a mystery at its core. I think the reason many turn away from the genre is that most mysteries are rather clumsily written. It’s either blatantly simple to put all the pieces together or intentionally impossible. Only truly master writers can do it correctly. A great mystery is 4.50 From Paddington by Agatha Christie. And although The Avenging Buddha is not strictly a mystery, it reminded me a lot of that tale. And it’s written well enough to be considered on the same level. Yes, really.

Author Steve Bailey masterfully sets a lighthearted, carefree mood of young people frolicking on a beach in Thailand in the first chapter, and then purposely moves us eighteen years into the future and half the world away. A lot of things have changed since then. Main character Nick Price has grown wealthy and even sort of famous. Yet there is something different about him. He’s not as happy as before, and he’s obviously haunted by his wife’s death. Something sinister is hinted at, but we are left to wonder how so much could have changed and why.

The story moves forward at a great pace. The focus is actually kept off the mystery for a while as we learn about the different characters, then brought back into center focus as an investigator begins to look into a series of murders that seem connected to Price in some way. Skilled readers who pay attention can probably start to put things together, and the journey from the dark to the book’s conclusion is a good one that will keep the pages turning. I have not had a chance to read Bailey’s other books posted here, but if they touch the storyline of The Avenging Buddha then they are likely also very good reads with strong plots.

I have little doubt that this series of books is destined to go places. The skill at which the tale of The Avenging Buddha is told is incredible. It rekindled my interest in the entire genre, and will garner a loyal legion of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Hi Steve,

I was wandering round the authonomy and spotted your book, so I popped over to comment. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

Chapter 1: beautiful descriptions at the start. I can really picture the scene. I only wish I were there! I'm jealous now grrrrr. :(

I've a small suggestion here. I think, where possible, it's best to lead off with dialogue as it reads quicker and easier that way. eg instead of "The writer looked at his watch. "Not right now thanks..." " I'd write something like " "Not right now thanks." The writer looked at his watch...".

Reading on... This place really seems like paradise. I think it's clear from the sense of place and easy familiarity in your writing that you must have experienced the location/the life. You lucky sod grrrr. There are hints, though, that Nick has had a hard life in the past. Maybe this sojourn in paradise is but a short break in his unpleasant life. I wonder what secrets his past holds...

I like the dialogue between John and Nick. The easy banter between them shows they've been friends for ages without the need for any clumsy exposition. good stuff. Hmmm what's this big one they need to land, though? I'm intrigued.

Chapter 2: wow big jump in time. I wonder what's happened in the intervening years. Mal died? Oh that is a shock. It looks like the idyllic life has come to a tragic end.

I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, on occasion, you overdescribe a little. eg in "... his stomach knotted in trepidation...." the reader can figure out why his stomach's knotted, so you don't need to tell them. I think just "...his stomach knotted.." would work fine. ;)

reading on... I wonder what he's so scared of. Hmmm a pouch. What's in it? A ruby. wow it must be worth a fortune. Ah this is the big 1, right enough. But how did he get it? I'm guessing there were dark doings afoot. For all the wealth he has gained, it looks like he's lost his happiness. Maybe the ruby really is cursed. Or maybe his life just took a downturn since he acquired it. For a moment, I thought Mal's ghost was really there. I could feel his shock. Phew, it's just his daugthter, though. I find myself wondering how his life and personality has changed so much. The intervening years must really have been terrible. Paradise has been well and truly lost. :(

Chapter 3: Hmmm looks like Nick's a property developer now. his daughter seems to have followed in his footsteps. Wow big bucks are involved too. This is impressive. Ah and Nick's become a sort of celebrity. He seems to hate the attention, though. I sympathise. I wonder if his dislike for the limelight's partly rooted in that ruby, though. Was that the source of his fortune? I bet he has many skeletons in his closet.

I've a tiny suggestion here on POV. I think, v occasionally, the POV strays. eg I think "He could feel his face reddening" is visual and implies an external POV. I think something like "he could feel his face/cheeks burning" could work better. Your writing gets us into Nick's head so well. I think rejigging little bits and pieces like this could make sure the reader stays there. ;)

reading on... Hmmm Nick seeems v unhappy the MP's there. I wonder if there's bad blood between them. Ah yes, they seem to have a history. They obviously go way back as the MP recognises the resemblance of Nit to her mother. Nick seems to really hate this MP and want revenge on him. I'm guessing the MP may be John, just with a different name. There are lots of dark secrets here, I think. Maybe death. Maybe betrayal. Fascinating and ominous.

I just saw how long this comment's getting. Sorry, I think I got a bit carried away by your story. I guess I better stop, though, before the comment grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a great story here. The thing that reall stood out for me was the sense of place you managed to imbue your beginning with. I couls see, hear and even smell your paradise :). I also think you have a real gift when it comes to dialogue. I've rarely read dialogue on authonomy that feels so real and flows so well. Your characters really came alive through it. I also like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. At the end of each section, I want to read on and find out what new developments your story has in store. There are so many dark secrets here. I can't wait to see them pulled out into the light for us all to gawp at. ;)

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think it's a wonderful story, and I'm sure there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete

I enjoyed your fourth chapter.

Just one suggestion:

Might this not make a good first chapter? You could fill in ther background later. By making this the first chapter, you "cut to the chase"

Alexander French

Good third chapter.

Why is there a capital letter on "Press"?

Alexander French

Your second chapter is very good.

Only a coupleof nitpicks:

You have some non-sentences e.g. "Cursed in the sense that tragedy had followed it."

I think yu should also avoid starting sentences with "And"

Finally do you have to have a character called "Nit"? It reminds me of the bug that people get in their hair.

Alexander French

Excellent opening chapter.

No negative comments to make.

Alexander French

Wow, your book is really great. It's well written and extremely interesting. I'm so glad my friend David asked me to take a look at it.

Dear Steve:
It is my pleasure to read your book. I really appreciate my friend--David recommend your book to me. I just start to read and I believe I will fall in love with your work. Good luck.

I really liked the easy style of this and its mystery-laden story. By Ch.3 I was gripped and intrigued by whatever past events are causing the current carnage. It’s a good little page-turner and I found myself turning through the first 15 chapters before I realized; I would have happily read it all given more time (or a book version!).
A couple of minor typos in Ch.4: “less shots” should be “fewer shots”. “Tennis backhand serve”? Does any tennis player serve backhand? Maybe better to just say “tennis backhand” if the stroke is upward or “tennis backhand smash” if the slice is down.
I like this. It is good easy-reading, stuff. Good luck with it.

My friend David keeps recommending me to read your book. Once I started to read your book, I got the reason why he did that. Thanks for your nice work.

Hi, Steve:
Nice to read your book. I read David's Mankind's end last week and he recommended me your book. I think I will enjoy reading your book as well.

I like you book very much! Thanks to my friends Gary Xie and David Welch' recommendation I got the chance to know you and your book! Keep going~ I will back up you~!

Normally I don't read this kind of book but my friend David Welch asked me to take a look. I'm really glad I did since I enjoyed reading the first two chapters and will try and read more later.

Hi steve
I have just finished chapter four of The Avenging Buddha and am really happy to back it. i found it easy to read and the characters come across as believable and rounded. The story is moving along well and the only reason i've stopped reading at this point is i really need to get on with some housework :(.
Best wishes I'm sure this will go all the way.
Lindsey

The Avenging Buddha

My strategy is to comment on single chapter of a work. I nitpick for a living (book doctor) so please feel free to disregard anything that doesn’t suit you. I don’t ever mean to offend .

Chapter 10

Great writing – this book is pretty ready to go. I only really saw one issue with your pitch and two issues with the story:

In the pitch, your sentence “In a seedy Bangkok bar,” is pretty convoluted. In your pitch, you want your sentences short, sharp and absolutely clear.

You rely on adverbs a little too much -- civilly, enthusiastically which editors tend to regard as telling instead of showing. Phrases like “looking dejected” also tell. Work on using action and internal dialogue to give the visuals on your dialogue.

My other concern is that, in this chapter at least, you’ve got a lot of dialogue going on in white space. Work in incorporating time and place, using the 5 senses, into the dialogue. Just little short phrases – not descriptive paragraphs. Just put your characters on the ground, in a place, with noises and smells and sights around them.

I think I’ll see this book on the bookstore shelves one day. Terrific job!

Hi Steve,
Just wanted to say thank you for backing 'Vortex' It's scary putting your work out there for people to read and a big thrill when some one thinks enough of it to back it. I will be uploading more chapters soon.
I have added your book to my watch list (as i'm a bit snowed under today) and will read it later. The pitch sounds really interesting.
Thanks again
Lindsey

I enjoyed reading this. The setting in the opening was very neatly done. As a reader you get a sense of the place easily and naturally without it being overdone. And there was enough of a feeling for the family to make me genuinely sad about Mal at the start of chapter two. From there the plot begins to build in a way that gives you confidence that you're in the hands of a writer who knows what he's doing.

The only editorial suggestion I'd make is that I'd remove the 'Mal responded in broken English,' line in the opener as that's faily obvious from the dialogue.

All the best with this,

Ross

This is a great story. I've spent a bit of time in Bangkok myself and in England as well. I've finished the first 24 chapters and will finish the rest soon. Then I'll look at the other two books. I'm sure this will be published eventually and will be happy to give you more support as you get closer to the Editor's Desk. For now I've given you six stars and put you on my watch list. Once you are in the top 25 or so I'm sure I can get you on ten or twelve different shelves.
David

Hi Steve, Great idea, starred and on my W/L on the basis of the super pitch. Busy reading on and so glad to see that it's complete. Best of luck with this.
Babs

Clearly you're a very talented writer. The story flows beautifully and I love your style... it's easy to read and makes you want to read more. I'm stopping after a few chapters though as I'd rather wait for it in book form to enjoy it fully! And I'm confident that you'll get there!
Best of luck.
Backed, with pleasure.
Best wishes
Suzy (Forever Fredless & Raven)

I backed your fine bookl today, if you could take a look at either of my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND and possible back them your help would be appreciated.
Thank you!

The Avenging Buddha
Steve Bailey
I love the premise of your story. Your MC, a brash man, maybe not too likeable until he turns his life around after his wife dies. You paint a very vivid picture of Thailand, your descriptions are vivid and succinct. From reading your profile, I can tell you drew on your experiences—I wonder how many of them—the perfect heist maybe? I love the scene between the husband and wife—it's very touching and sad, knowing what will happen. The only suggestion I could offer you, is to add some dialogue tags, I wasn't sure who was speaking sometimes, even add a few beats between the dialogue, so it's not too dialoguey. Anyway, thanks for taking me away for a while, I plan to come back for more. Also, if you ever want to get to the ed's desk, let me know and I'll hoist you up on my shelf.

the Avenging Buddha
This, i reallly enjoyed. I was recommended to read a few chapters by my mother who is an admirer of your trilogy. The contrsuctiuon and story-line is very well-done, imaginative and full of rich description. Fast paced although I loved your languid beginning. Bacled and given high star ranking.
Alice

the Avenging Buddha
This, i reallly enjoyed. I was recommended to read a few chapters by my mother who is an admirer of your trilogy. The contrsuctiuon and story-line is very well-done, imaginative and full of rich description. Fast paced although I loved your languid beginning. Bacled and given high star ranking.
Alice

Hi Steve,

I lioke the concept here though I've only had time to read the first two chapters. I found nothing to comment on in the second chapter but your first chapter needs work. Too many characers are introduced in too short a time and there are some pov issues. There are also a few speech tags which are not needed; for example you write 'she said in broken English'. This has alrady been shown in the dialogue so doesn't need to be said.

Ron

Ron

Well written and well paced. Yet another book on this site I would prefer to have in hardcopy, in order to read at my leisure. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Lies & Love"

From the very first reading of your novel, The Avenging Buddha, I feel it is a story regarding with Lord Buddha, is a most admiring soul all over the world. Although the Indian sub-continet as a fortune to give birth for that man who firstly professes the dignity and depth of non-violence. But, when I go through deeply into your briefing, I felt it is a story having criminal aspects. Nevertheless this brief description is so enthralling each reader even if he make a careless reading. If it is very interesting in the initial stage, what will be the nature of climax? I am waiting for it.

I enjoyed your descriptive characters, their surroundings, and the construction of your story.
Backed with pleasure (well, as usual, I spoke too soon, the system won't let me back any by saying that I've backed too many from this computer already), will keep trying though,
Georgette....Castle of the Shimmering Sands

I have read four chapters and enjoyed them immensely. You have set a really good scene from the friendship and trust between Nick and Todd and the idyllic life with a beautiful wife and children. We jump on eighteen years and Mia is dead and Todd and Nick are successful property developers all is well until Rees appears on the scene. The hatred between the men is evident but the reason is not. We move on to find that Todd has been murdered with a Buddhist dagger. And what of the Ruby?
You have created some great foreshadowing and create very good visual descriptions. Your dialogue is authentic and drives the story forward nicely.
I have one nit in chapter 4- The man ceased his antics. ‘I’ve been framed. You bastards are going to pin this on me, aren’t you?
Ceased his antics sounds very Dixon of dock green very 1950’s It doesn’t fit in with the other language of the book. That said its only a small thing the rest was excellent and well worth backing and staring.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley

Dear Steve

I contacted you a while ago suggesting a swap read. So here I am, going first.

Chs 1,2,3 and 27. Good, natural dialogue in the idyllic prologue. Relationships easily established, though a bit puzzled that John, the writer, disappears (probably he surfaces in sections I haven't read). Ch 2 conjures up memories of Wilkie Collins - stories about cursed exotic jewels. Then another change of style for the start of political chicanery in Ch 3. All handled with confidence, though personally if find descriptions of lean,craggy features a bit cliched. Personally I wasn't convinced by Ch 27 - Ning's emotional reactions are all a bit sudden and extreme. The description of the murder lacks reality - a bit too X-box game. Callous without psychological depth.

Clearly has potential as a fast-paced, exotic thriller, but a bit too shallow and formulaic for my taste. Sorry I'm not putting it on my shelf. Nevertheless, I'd still welcome a swap read and your comments.

Yours
Colin Eston
Dying for Love

What an engrossing plot and written really well. BACKED

You have a very eloquent way of writing. Your paragrpahs flow easily, your dialogue is natural.

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

Really like the way you set the scene at the start of this novel, Steve.

Best wishes,
Catherine

The scene is set and the characters are in place. I want to be there with them. I want to delve further into this book and escape over the horizon with the setting sun. This is (in my mind) what books are for and yours looks as though it's set to deliver. A very good beginning and lots of potential. Good Luck.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

Intruguing start... must read more later... and you'vebtwo others as well.. better crack on.
Many thanks for your backing and happy to return it with this book.

maesecouogne

I'm loving this - I shall back it and then find time to read more :)

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Steve, I'm backing the AB because it has all the ingredients of a thrilling murder mystery - plus the oriental elements which provide a different, almost Christie - esque flavour.
However, at first I was put off by some confusion about the identities of characters being introduced - the writer of a romance, the couple in the romance, the family, etc. Then, in the later chapter,when Nick is recovering the ruby, having felt his way through a dark room, how did the contents of the suitcase, including cosmetics and photographs,suddenly "appear" to him? That old POV again. And how did he "rummage delicately"?
I think you should take the opportunity to clear all this up - easily done - so as to present a very promising prospect to the Editors.
David Grant
"Pompey Chimes"

THE AVENGING BUDDAH-Steve Bailey
hullo Steve. Good flow and story line. Your MC is good and I like the end chapter hooks. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

The languid beginning, and the the hook: The Big One . . . "We just need to land the BIG ONE.
Okay, in the first chapter I identify with the characters and want them to land the BIG ONE. Now I'm very happy to settle back and let the mayhem ensue. Backed.

Love your pitch. Backed. And thanks for your support. Carla Marie