Book Jacket

 

rank 4169
word count 20247
date submitted 19.07.2010
date updated 01.12.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Historic...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Holding Alpha

Miller Jivaro

My NaNoWriMo '09 novel (rough/first draft) - experimental
Five soldiers examine their lives and military service; recalling missions and memorable moments.

 

Soldiers recount their time amidst Middle Eastern turmoil. These five work from their pre-service beginnings to enlistment and experiences while serving during OEF (Operation Enduring Freedom).

More a series of short stories than a traditional novel; making a larger tale of camaraderie, tribulations, emotion, and scars.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

afghanistan, character study, charlie kaufman influenced, esoteric, friendship, memoirs, military, multiple pov, oef, operation enduring freedom, sold...

on 2 watchlists

31 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

report abuse

CHAPTER ONE

It is a trodden cliche' but still holds true according to the best of philosophers: history is written by the winners. Despite what actually did eventually (d)evolve, they were winners; bar none. It was a group of people who came together under circumstances which were astronomic, and even catastrophic. All with their own reasons, and united. United to become a single-minded group in which they flourished. They most likely would have been written about in the journals of history, if they in fact did physically exist. As individuals and people, the naturally actually existed; possibly even larger than life itself; but not on the same plane in which their exploits exploded much larger than either of them could have individually thought.
 

 
If it was the real world which all this happened, military schools in every direction would be forcing disgruntled cadets to memorize random facts about this team. Despite the final outcome, they won and won. 'Full of win,' is how some who existed in that realm described this group; more often than not. A phrase resting in the quasi-elite lexicon of which this team of blood brothers was best known: amongst gamers.
 

 
As mentioned, each member of this team was real and tangible -  even the actual squad, but they took things a step further. Most often people imagine applied knowledge of a soldier amongst civilian life to be a terrible thing. Some could debate as to the effect of if they were amongst the actual society, or assimilated. Maybe in all, they were more a pod. A cocoon to collectively protect this clan, and shield out the things which could have devastated each and every one of them: society, past trauma, and even life itself in some small aspect. When in the heat of the moment, they were of one mind - almost telepathic with their understanding of one another. What they couldn't communicate with thought, they left to their own cryptic phrases. Seemingly common words of their native tongue, but rearranged to form nothing but gobbledygook when heard by an outsider of this clan. Each and every word could be found in any standard dictionary, but each sentence as a whole made absolutely no sense. It was a perfect code. One which didn't even have to be encrypted. Their language was a code which hid in the wide open.
 

 
The times of each of these men waxed and waned individually; with their own lives, experiences, and lessons learned - some the hard way while others more cushy.
 

 
Their singular apex was in unison. In symphonic terms, they were a concerto. Not a cacophony, not any one person vying to be the soloists. They individually had their own shining moments, and there were times each were called up to instinctively take the reins. Bear in mind, this was not the case for the entire regiment. Those being spoken of were the cream of the crop - rather, the richest of that cream.
 

 
These men spoken of. They all did start out as individuals. They were assimilated into a multitude of soldiers; who were designated, group by group, into different divisions - basically to be assimilated yet again. Most choose to enter the military, however, the life of the military within seldom affords the luxury of choice as far as the entry level soldier is concerned.
 

 
The individuals were lumped into a much larger group, then deployed across the sea - into a battle which has been called everything from a conflict to a battle, and even a modern day crusade - that is, those who are historians or philosophers; cut from a similar cloth who contemplate on who writes the history.
 

 
War is not a term often even used for where these men ended up. The word 'war' did end up getting lobbed around as casually as a pitcher warming up for a ball game hours ahead of the start. Sticklers for grammar even mused whimsically. Yes, there was the word war. But it was the context; or where it was actually placed within a sentence. It was most often a war geared towards an ideal, not a place or particular country. With the convoluted text in which the word 'war' was placed, the only solace was the fact the soldiers themselves were not the target for any scrutiny by large. The soldiers were not the ones in which the blame or hatred was directed. It was almost as cloudy as the term of war. It was politics who took the brunt of such blame. Grammarians reveled in their own circle of joy when pondering this concept: blaming a collective thought or idea, not the people for which the idea itself stemmed from.
 

 
Politics were by and large the furthest thing on the mind of most soldiers. They each had much larger things weighing against their brains: self preservation; following orders; sense of duty. It was a microcosm of each and every one. The here and now rather than what could be or what may have been. All of them had nothing more on their mind than having a multitude of versions of the phrase 'failure not being a viable option' - drilled incessantly into their shaven heads.
 

 
It was from this wide cross-section in which those spoken of came from. They were thinned down, bit by bit. They went from an almost faceless mass into those few dots of light which shone brighter than the rest; whether by performance, personality, or a combination of the two. Bit by bit, people were weeded out - some intentionally, but sometimes involuntary as well. The term 'casualties of war' is highly accurate...   Even if the term of the word 'war' itself is being debated. The world waits for no one; and this includes grammar.
 

 
Sometimes new people would join the regiment, but these things made no difference to those who already stepped into the next level. They were still a team as a whole, and each had pride in their own division - just as if each was a separate hometown team which its followers were loyal to: loyal to the death.
 

 
In the terms of black and white, combat is about death. Winning and losing; battles and lives. In those times of high stakes; a soldier may learn in a briefing room; but is taught by tragedy. Whether by a superior or by a mistake in combat, soldiers are weeded as the dandelions from the flowers. None of the men in this superlative division were plucked by a man, however.
 

 
Raids; battles; trials by the fire of the barrels of guns. These men rose and rose; to any one of numerous occasions. A dozen of them, give or take. And give they did - some more literally, and others by figurative means. As it was previously stated, not all who left the group did it by the volition of a person. Call it what you will: conflict, war, peacekeeping mission. When a bullet soars or a piece of shrapnel hurls with the intensity of a javelin through, it pierces just the same. It is an undisputed situation of a pen succumbing to the sword. What befell these men weren't from anyone's inked quill: the dozen, give ore take, mentioned.
 

 
They took on what the average enlisted man may not have dared - if that person was of average mind, or had self preservation as a 'top five' trait. In all truth, some of what this group did to prove themselves were volunteer missions. As that mental image of a line being drawn and the men symbolically stepping across. It wasn't really done that way - not in this day and age. It was more like a tap on the shoulder from behind. Tap, question, answer: simple as that. It became customary for this group to not even be asked after a while. Tap; collected; briefed; sent. Slap; cock; fire. Of the dozen, it was not as if they all had the same role. Some covered, some countered, and some went in head first with no turning back. Neither of them has an issue as to who took what role - so long as it ended in their favor. This was a place where the odds were stacked against these men. There is a reason why sports embrace the concept of a 'home field advantage.'  No amount of preparation can get anyone ready for a situation of a foreign country. There was no room for reflecting or in-fighting when soldiers have these  most dire of straits in what seemed to be a continuous basis. This was all volunteer work, after all - whether it always seemed to be or not, it appeared that way on paper.
 

 
 One of the greatest poets in the world of folk uttered the simple words, "things have changed" in his melodic, almost spoken style of song - which garnered him cinematic laurels. Three words. The shortest sentence in the English language is, II am.'  However, the three words spoke many more volumes. Especially as the theme on the changing landscape of battle.
 

 
In the primitive stages of the late twenty or twenty-first century's warfare, there became a schism. Perhaps because of the world going more global, or just to help ease the burden of public relations people, there was a different direction taken in combat; much of it to the overall chagrin of those placing themselves in harm's way. The military converted much of their order of business to asking questions before firing shots, even if the person being asked is holding a machine gun. Not the most intelligent of odds when going on a strict logistics standpoint. But it was a peacekeeper mentality which presented the most palpable danger.
 

 
The word embedded was never so prevalent outside of video within an internet domain; not until this new ethos on the battlefield. It was not just the journalists and photographers. It was also the time of the 'tour guide' as many of the enlisted said about these people. It was similar to the Disney attraction where a trolling jungle boat takes the passengers through an ambiguous tropical region. Through this allegedly unassuming cruise, a hippopotamus lunges out towards the spectator; while the swarthy pith helmeted boat docent fires at the hippo, causing it to descend back into the water: either killed or scared away; depending the generation who partook in the ride. The analogy being how this native embedded with the soldiers was there to protect the soldiers; just as the boat guide. However, this incarnation of the hippo was brandishing an AK-47. The guide was defenseless, and couldn't retaliate. There was a  heavy fear of the unknown. Was their embedded local really working for the same side as the soldiers? A gram of dissension could quickly become a brickload of intense failure. The word tension would be a mild form of the true feeling which hung in the air. Hoping for the best, but  anticipating the worst possible outcome in which to defend against. Sometimes the trigger finger was quicker than patience and restraint amongst many squads. Nobody is perfect, and self preservation is an inborn human trait.
 

 
There was all of the talk about the proverbial thinning of the herd. The cream being separated from the rest of the stock; and the herd being thinned from any combination between fate, poor planning, or choosing the wrong path when presented with a split second fork in life's path. The dozen, give or take a few, were not immune to these same odds. However, it was far from a confrontation gone wrong. Sadly it was a bizarre recipe of bad luck, coincidence, and being in the wrong place at the entirely wrong time. It was a split second which later became a split as major in their lives as the delineation which separates recorded history's 'Before Christ' and 'Anno Domino' - depending on one's point of view.
 

 
As a whole, that moment is largely unspoken: an imprint of the psyche which no amount of dialogue may be akin to healing it. Nevertheless; it happened, it was a shared experience and 'the incident' forever transformed each of the soldiers in their own way. Whether it was one dozen or two dozen; that blindingly quick flash of a moment whittled an entire division down to five. They are five who are labelled as either lucky or unlucky, depending on who the person is referring to- Towards any one of the five who remained.
 

 
 What happened afterwards transcended what anyone else could foresee. It was a world in which nobody had ever cracked in such a constant and consistent way. It was not something that came easy, or came overnight. Yet it was a similar ethic of hard work, persistence, and determination - along with their applied knowledge from within training and out in the trenches. An tale which had many peaks; which propelled the spirits of this team beyond their emotional stratosphere. It also had its own fleeting moments of valleys: however, those in some ways were the worse. Not only feeling like a pernicious plunge on a roller coaster, but a furrow cut deep into the hearts of all the meritorious men who served in that special squad.
 

 
Each of the five men who survived the ordeal touched upon in the previous passages took it upon themselves to put this tale into their own words; an account of events told from the vantage point of five separate individuals. Not just five random people or historians looking from an objective standpoint. This is from the five who saw the tale of shooters from a first person  perspective. These are their stories. What they remember, even what they don't recall with such crystal recollection. They are not naturally born linguists.
 

 
They are the every man who represent a more accurate sampling of those who enter the service. They hold a mirror to themselves, their endeavor, and the dirt and grime - and sad - which made up the collective good intentions in which caused the men and women of nations to travel to the inhospitable region amongst the sand, mountains, and rock. The dirty villages and nomads doing nothing more than trying to survive. The common people who are oppressed, and their oppressors. The loyalists, the turncoats. Even those who straddle the fence between what is referred to as 'or' and 'their' side. How can a reader know words such as those splayed across the page can be held as such; pure of intent? Because I am one of these very five.
 

 
All of the words are as unadulterated as possible, and each chapter is from of the five who went through this story. Their own words; to let the mood shines though as genuinely as possible. The idea is not to focus as much on the techniques, geography, or elements of combat. Rather it was the idea of the eyes behind the scopes of the weapons. The triumphs and casualties of the human condition are far more interesting and insightful; if not even inspiring; than tales of death, destruction or fleeting moments of victory - always subject to which side one was on. To see history or actions through the eyes of a participating party is what captivates more oft than cold, hard facts. Knowing a time or location of a skirmish in the Civil War is nothing compared to reading about from the trenches: one man's opinion or viewpoint while recanting what he witnessed to  his family, or loved on back home. The human condition is what tugs at the collective heartstrings of humanity; not who took the most lives when.
 

 
Speaking of life over death is almost a paradox when speaking of what this group did. They were not trying to take lives, or slay. Not in the service. And the lives they did seize; quenching their post-war's team thirst for victory-  As laid out before, those were tales from another realm. Some of them died as heroes. None of them died as cowards.
 

 
If the highs and lows of the human spirit and unimaginable odds are not the type of story to hold a person's interest, then this is the point of the train in which such passengers are strongly encouraged to disembark. To the contrary...  Those who enjoy following a group of people into a world unseen by most of the population. Those who have a sense of intrigue and a genuine interest in rooting for people who have the best of intentions...  This would be the time to hold onto that shiny, metallic pole of the subway; bracing as best as possible while watching everything in the periphery blur to oblivion. Ride the light, and try to keep up.

Chapters

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Burgio wrote 633 days ago

HOLDING ALPHA
I was never in the Armed Forces so I like to read war stories; this one is unique in that it’s really a series of short stories. It’s the kind of book I would buy to take on vacation when I knew I’d have hours of uninterrupted time to read because it’s obviously written from a veteran’s standpoint so is rich in detail I wouldn’t want to miss. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

paperbat wrote 632 days ago

Miller.
Fascinating set of 'stories'. Yes each soldier has adifferent story. But thats the interesting thing about your book. Whether a chaplian or marine.
I think you have the biginnings of something. Please continue. I willl BACK it to encourage.
Jerry [paperbat]
Obviously love it if you could glance at my short childrens' story called Paperbat Advebntures - kids should love them.

Benjamin Dancer wrote 632 days ago

I'm teaching a class on war so this was a timely find. The point of view is interesting. I thought of old things in new ways as I read this. I'd like to come back and give it more time in the near future. As for now, it's backed. I left a message in your news feed as well.

celticwriter wrote 630 days ago

Hi Miller. With all due respect to the previous comment, I enjoyed your synopsis. It's very real, unpretentious. I know I'm going to get your heart and soul, not just someone who is trying to dazzle and impress. You string your sentences together effortlessly, and take a journey path which tells a story (or stories) which makes the reader (me, anyway,) enjoy, take in, and not even see any errors there might be. My advice? Make the genre your own. Just be you. It's going to work. And, yeah, make for a terrific flic! :-) Backed.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

SusieGulick wrote 561 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Miller! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) p.s. I have ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** mine? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because every ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk & I'm 14 away from the top. :) Hope you'll be able to keep my book on your bookshelf to help me finish in the top 5 at the end of the month. :) I would so appreciate it. :) :) :)

SRFire wrote 582 days ago

Backed with pleasure, Sana x

Andrew Burans wrote 603 days ago

I really like your premise of each soldier telling their own story. Your work is gripping, well written, highly realistic and a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Bocri wrote 603 days ago

The premise of the book is great but the writing of it has worked out with far too much tell and not nearly enough show. These are action people but you've nailed them to the page with the heavy authorial voice which prevents the reader knowing them as individuals. I really feel there is a great book here struggling to get out if you'll loosen the grip and allow your characters to be themselves. Try letting the reader bring some part of himself to the reading 'dream', a good book (which I think this can certainly be) is a two way process. Blunt I know but I think it's worth it.
Backed for it's promise
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

yasmin esack wrote 609 days ago

Blow mind stuff. I love your witing which at time borders on poetic and I surely believe this one deseves a place on bookshelves in stores and shops everywhere, A fitting tribute to war and those were a part of it.

best

tisseurdecontes wrote 609 days ago

HOLDING ALPHA is a story with great potential. You have an engaging style that is very readable and you have a story to tell that people need to hear. Because I feel you have the possibility of making this really great, I'm going to be more brutal than I would normally be in my comments. If you feel I am off base, then disregard what follows.

One of the criticisms that I have received on my book is that I don't get to the action quick enough, and I think the same applies here. Chapter 1 has some good stuff in it, but it is all back story, some of it is repetitive and many of the paragraphs feel to me like they were written at different times and shoved together. Some of them don't seem to flow from one to the next. I would encourage you to revise chapter 1 ruthlessly. Take out everything that doesn't absolutely need to be there and make sure that what remains is as succinct as possible. You might want to call it a prologue or an introduction rather than chapter 1.

Are chapters 2 and 3 the stories of two different people? It sounds like it. The characterization seems different, but both are written in the first person and we aren't told who they are. And again, you are giving a lot of back story. One of the things that I have picked up on this site and another writing site I frequent, is the difference between showing and telling. Sometimes you have to tell, but it is always more interesting for the reader if you can show. In these early chapters you are doing a lot of telling. Again, I personally think this would work better if you get to the action quicker and maybe use flashbacks to slowly fill the reader in on some of the back story. A book on this site that does that very well is APOCALYPSE THEN (I don't care for the title, but it is a great book and he starts right in the action and goes back and forth almost seamlessly between the "past" and the "present". He does a fair amount of "telling", but it is surrounded with "showing" and the reader hardly notices. -- And I get no bonus points for recommending his book, it's just good and I think could be helpful to you with what you are trying to do.).

You clearly have the talent, so I hope you will find this helpful and not be discouraged by it. You'll find a lot of people on authonomy who will tell you that your book is the best they've ever read, and we all like to hear that, but it doesn't help us improve. If you have any questions, feel free to message me.

I am backing you because this has real potential to be a great book if you will work to get it just right. Remember most agents will not read more than the first three chapters before they make a decision and quite a few will only read the fist couple of pages, so you need to grab them (like you need to grab the reader) quickly.

Best wishes.

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

eurodan49 wrote 615 days ago

Read only a few chapters, that’s all the time I had, but got good vibes.
Solid narration, though a little too lengthy (all first chapter and half of second), and you’re voice cones through. A little less “telling” and some more “showing” would catapult this book forward.
When you come to it, dialogue is fresh and realistic…I like that. The first person POV is handled well and helps picture the character.
I was disappointed a little by the flashback and “telling” mode of the third chapter. I would have loved more action (in present) than the flat voice of reminisces…maybe you could spice it up some by using internal dialogue instead of narration. Keep in mind that readers who pick this kind of books expect (actually demand) fast pace, lots of action and tension on every page.
I’m backing it on the strength of your voice….Good luck.

fh wrote 625 days ago

HOLDING ALPHA
Hello Miller, thank you for asking me to take a look at your book. First can I just say that your pitch reads a bit dry. It is a bit short and without giving us any feeling of excitement. This is of course just a personal view.
In your opening paras there is a lot of repetitiveness. You tend to stress over and over just what you're trying to say. This slows down the general flow of the script -which is well written apart from that and could lose some readers.
The idea is interesting and I'm sure there are a lot of people who will be interested in your stories. I personally feel that you need to tighten up a lot more - cut out the unnecessary detail and let us have the facts. Good luck with this, once you've taken a longer look I think this could be promising.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

I agree with you wholly. Things didn't start taking shape until chapter three, but the previous chapters serve their purpose and lead to a payoff further down the road by revealing the writers' personalities.

When I wrote this, quantity was stressed over quality (NaNoWriMo '09) so I know much can be cut down. The critique is very much appreciated, and I think you.

contains some grimly interesting comments on recent conflicts; but rather a slow start and too many obiter dicta

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

Is there a diplomatic way to say you are both right? :)
Actually, I knew I needed to fix it a little bit. I got slammed a little hard on another site, so maybe I worked too hard nailing the point home it's more a Charlie Kaufman-type exercise than a great work of literature. Either way, I'm sure you'll like the pitch much better now.
Thanks for the generous praise, and I hope this book gets better the further one reads into it.

Hi Miller. With all due respect to the previous comment, I enjoyed your synopsis. It's very real, unpretentious. I know I'm going to get your heart and soul, not just someone who is trying to dazzle and impress. You string your sentences together effortlessly, and take a journey path which tells a story (or stories) which makes the reader (me, anyway,) enjoy, take in, and not even see any errors there might be. My advice? Make the genre your own. Just be you. It's going to work. And, yeah, make for a terrific flic! :-) Backed.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

Thanks *most* kindly for taking the time to rework my pitch. I did remove a lot since my first try...but I did an edit based off what you gave me. Thanks!

Obviously I'll try to squeeze in a tactful way to say you helped my pitch. This also means I have to give you a more thorough read of your story. :) Congrats on how far it has recently climbed also.

Hi Miller,
I'm enjoying the story and will comment properly on it later.
I thought I'd start with your pitch, which was a bit repetitive and awkward. I've tried to tighten it up.

I hope it helps or at least gives you some ideas. the book is great.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

They say it's all about timing...so I am glad I timed things so well for you. Around chapter ten or so are actual parts of their tour. I didn't intend it to take so long, but I wanted to flesh the characters out. It's nice to hear such positivity about the book from you.

I'm teaching a class on war so this was a timely find. The point of view is interesting. I thought of old things in new ways as I read this. I'd like to come back and give it more time in the near future. As for now, it's backed. I left a message in your news feed as well.

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

[Thanks for letting me know about your other book. At first I thought it was a duplicate or alternate title.]
It's great getting such high praise from a highly-ranked talent spotter. I thought you would have skipped right past mine. :) Best of luck on both books.

Dear Miller, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed my memoir book, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." I really appreciate it. :) Could you please back my other memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I would be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I'll be #5 to put your book on my wachlist. :)

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

Thanks for highlighting what you liked in the structure. I'm anxious to read your story as well, but having trouble staying on top of all the enthusiasm people had so far. It's on my watchlist and I hope to have time for it soon.

Miller.
Fascinating set of 'stories'. Yes each soldier has a different story. But that's the interesting thing about your book. Whether a chaplain or marine.
I think you have the beginnings of something. Please continue. I will BACK it to encourage.
Jerry [paperbat]
Obviously love it if you could glance at my short childrens' story called Paperbat Adventures - kids should love them.

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

All of your comments have really helped out. Part of the cool thing is I tried writing the novel so people can skip around until maybe the last five chapters of it (which I still need to write).

HOLDING ALPHA
I was never in the Armed Forces so I like to read war stories; this one is unique in that it’s really a series of short stories. It’s the kind of book I would buy to take on vacation when I knew I’d have hours of uninterrupted time to read because it’s obviously written from a veteran’s standpoint so is rich in detail I wouldn’t want to miss. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

Thanks for thinking my story is so important. I know it CERTAINLY needs a rewrite because I changed the whole aim of it even...practically negating the whole first chapter. I intend to finish the remaining six chapters then worry about a rewrite - hoping this is the place to get the best feedback.

As you mention in your profile, a loving edit would tighten the narrative and sharpen your already strong voice. This strikes me as an important book and worth the effort of a rewrite.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

Thanks for the endorsement. I picked The Cheech Room for my watchlist.

Original and talented writing! Easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Lee Tarvis wrote 628 days ago

Thanks for all the compliments and support. I appreciate it.

Dear Miller

I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art
of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Lynne Ellison wrote 629 days ago

contains some grimly interesting comments on recent conflicts; but rather a slow start and too many obiter dicta

Lynne Ellison


The Green Bronze Mirror

celticwriter wrote 630 days ago

Hi Miller. With all due respect to the previous comment, I enjoyed your synopsis. It's very real, unpretentious. I know I'm going to get your heart and soul, not just someone who is trying to dazzle and impress. You string your sentences together effortlessly, and take a journey path which tells a story (or stories) which makes the reader (me, anyway,) enjoy, take in, and not even see any errors there might be. My advice? Make the genre your own. Just be you. It's going to work. And, yeah, make for a terrific flic! :-) Backed.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Barry Wenlock wrote 631 days ago

Hi Miller,
I'm enjoying the story and will comment properly on it later.
I thought I'd start with your pitch, which was a bit repetitive and awkward. I've tried to tighten it up.
How's this?
Short pitch:
Five soldiers examine their lives before and during their military service and tell of the various missions they carried out.
Long pitch:
A squad of soldiers recount their time together amidst middle eastern turmoil. They talk about various encounters while stationed during OEF (Operation Enduring Freedom) and of their early lives; how they enlisted and how they finally returned home.

This is a series of stories which make up a larger tale of camaraderie, tribulations, emotion, and scars.

A rough, unfinished novel that is far from conventional.
All constructive comments welcome.
CAUTION: novel includes graphic recollections of war.

I hope it helps or at least gives you some ideas. the book is great.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Benjamin Dancer wrote 632 days ago

I'm teaching a class on war so this was a timely find. The point of view is interesting. I thought of old things in new ways as I read this. I'd like to come back and give it more time in the near future. As for now, it's backed. I left a message in your news feed as well.

SusieGulick wrote 632 days ago

Dear Miller, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed my memoir book, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." I really appreciate it. :) Could you please back my other memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" I would be ever so grateful. :) Thank you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I'll be #5 to put your book on my wachlist. :)

paperbat wrote 632 days ago

Miller.
Fascinating set of 'stories'. Yes each soldier has adifferent story. But thats the interesting thing about your book. Whether a chaplian or marine.
I think you have the biginnings of something. Please continue. I willl BACK it to encourage.
Jerry [paperbat]
Obviously love it if you could glance at my short childrens' story called Paperbat Advebntures - kids should love them.

Lee Tarvis wrote 632 days ago

Thanks so much for your gracious comments. You were the first person to comment on my novel Holding Alpha (and positively also), which I am grateful for. Your "He Loves Me" memoir happened to be the first novel I backed; based on merit rather than kindness on my part. :)
Good luck with the memoir, and I hope to get time later to read your other.

Dear Miller, I love how you put me right there with each of your heroes as they told their stories. :) May the Lord bless all of those who provide our peace & freedom. :) Thank you for sharing all of these things that I was not even aware of. :) One more thing to be thankful that I have never seen action, being in California my whole 70 years. :) Great write. :) I have backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Burgio wrote 633 days ago

HOLDING ALPHA
I was never in the Armed Forces so I like to read war stories; this one is unique in that it’s really a series of short stories. It’s the kind of book I would buy to take on vacation when I knew I’d have hours of uninterrupted time to read because it’s obviously written from a veteran’s standpoint so is rich in detail I wouldn’t want to miss. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

memphisgirl wrote 633 days ago

As you mention in your profile, a loving edit would tighten the narrative and sharpen your already strong voice. This strikes me as an important book and worth the effort of a rewrite.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

lizjrnm wrote 634 days ago

Original and talented writing! Easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

name falied moderation wrote 634 days ago

Dear Miller

and again....much research gone into this writing for sure....I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

name falied moderation wrote 634 days ago

Dear Miller


I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art
of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 634 days ago

Dear Miller, I love how you put me right there with each of your heros as they told their stories. :) May the Lord bless all of those who provide our peace & freedom. :) Thank you for sharing all of these things that I was not even aware of. :) One more thing to be thankful that I have never seen action, being in California my whole 70 years. :) Great write. :) I have backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

1