Arfa

Arthurian mythology woven into football – Brilliant!
I think the thing that impressed me initially was the great characterisation. You have some great one-liners, like the one about George best’s love child. I think you have a great book developing here, my only worry would be (and it is minor), it is stuck in time and place by cultural references that are prevalent today, so this may date quickly. That apart I really enjoyed this!

It has a certain 'rightness' to it, the language fits the milieu appropriately, forthright and not taking prisoners without being in any way offensive (I hope). It is a nice spin on Arthur and feels like it is an affectionate subversion rather than taking the proverbial. Nice one son.

Perfect for young adults and how refreshing to come across a book in that genre that doesn't need vampires or ghouls to drive its plot!! Publishers will feel the same way Im sure! Backed with pleasure.

liz
The Cheech Room

I do like your openning, going from being on the battlefield back to reality. It sets the tone perfectly for the balance of your story. You have crafted a most interesting storyline and your developement of the character of Arthur is excellent. The dialogue is crisp and realistic and your descriptive writing insures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

ARFA
This is an interesting story. Arthur is a good main character; he’s likable and sympathetic because he’s not a great athelete. Malcolm is an intriguing character; it took me a minute to associate his name with Merlin but when he produced the boots, I got it. I think you’ll find a schoolage/young teen audience for this who like a little magic in a story but feel overwhelmed by vampires and demons. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Hello, I am writing to you as someone who has been kind enough to support the Firelord’s Crown in the recent past. Now I need your help once more. I have been on site for nearly 2 years and worked my way up through reading and commenting on books. I have always been uncomfortable with ‘spamming’ and tit-for-tat backings but I do feel able to ask if you could please support Firelord by shelving it for a while over the next month. Under the new system I cannot offer you anything but an immediate * star rating and the promise of whatever support you feel you need; a second reading or comment etc. if you do not feel able to put Firelord back on your shelf, please could you still *rate it for me?
Many, many thanks!
Regards,
Jim Darcy
The Firelord’s Crown

Perfect for the youth market. My sons would have loved this. To inter-weave fantasy and reality like this with a thread of humour as well is bound to keep them reading. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

18 August 2010
Refreshing, energetic and youthful prose capturing a young teenager's perspective and thought process wonderfully. No purified or posh home background either as reality in the shape of the many 'might as well be's' loom large in Arthur's life. So, a venture to Fantasia brings him some relief. Football in Camelot? Why not? And if Tracey is up for it…A highly creative imagination at work here and firing on all cylinders. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run p.s. no 'a' in medieval.

Hi J. T Botha

Returning the favor - first impressions on the blurb were great. I enjoy the idea but amnot sure if there's magic/fantasy involved or just good luckin a teens life (from the blurb) perhaps could be a bit tighter there.

First paragraph/first chapter. Straight intot he action - i personally like to get to know the character first. It's a personal choice but in this instance whoever 'he' is i don't know and thus don't care if he dies or does fantastically. As a medieval die-hard I'm picturing the guy on a horse with a sword in one hand and a lance in another. I'm dissapointed by 'adventually the fighting stopped' - you could make the transition a bit smoother.

When King arthor speaks i know he's speaking ( "ah this is how it's meant to be" ) so i don't need you to slow the stories pace by telling me he's speaking. Great dialogue tells the reader who is talking without the added narrator saying said or spoke or any such additions. - but again a bit of my personal preferance there.

I'd also just point out some points where the stories flow could be smoothed. For example try not to repeat words in the same sentance or paragraph IE deap enough, long enough... and also theres another deep in that sentance. Plus if you start sentances with different letters the story flows better. like not starting two sentances in a row with the letter N (again referance to the same paragraph).

I wish you all the best in your writing, i like the idea and the story line and you do quickly build up some great MC's

Cheers

Amberly

Perfect for young adults and how refreshing to come across a book in that genre that doesn't need vampires or ghouls to drive its plot!! Publishers will feel the same way Im sure! Backed with pleasure.

liz
The Cheech Room

Loved the cover and synopsis. The read was engaging and different. I was soon into the story and enjoyed what I’ve read. Happy to back
Supermodel

Great characters, mythology, great synopsis, this book is absolutely brilliant.
Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

Arthurian mythology woven into football – Brilliant!
I think the thing that impressed me initially was the great characterisation. You have some great one-liners, like the one about George best’s love child. I think you have a great book developing here, my only worry would be (and it is minor), it is stuck in time and place by cultural references that are prevalent today, so this may date quickly. That apart I really enjoyed this!

Dear J T
I so remember this wonderful book cover. And
of course the pitch. I have already commented and backed your book a while ago, but cannot see the backing anywhere. So i am taking the time to back it again because I believe your book is WORTH IT

BEST OF LUCK

Amusing and believable dialogue, though a comma should come before inverted commas where a speech tag follows -eg- 'It's like they've never seen Sol Campbell,' Henry said.
The characters and plot are developed for it to be read in its own right, even by those who nothing of the Arthurian legends. Very clever. The description of Kay and his father is brilliant.
Noticed a typo in the opening paragraph - do you mean STEED?
After all that carping, excellent and backed. Lynn

J.T: wishing you the best on this website. But remember the caveat: you can only get out of it what you put into it. My thoughts are this: that long pitch should be expanded a bit to show more of a story arch. The short pitch works. BACKED!

I can use your comments on my novel when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

ARFA
This is an interesting story. Arthur is a good main character; he’s likable and sympathetic because he’s not a great athelete. Malcolm is an intriguing character; it took me a minute to associate his name with Merlin but when he produced the boots, I got it. I think you’ll find a schoolage/young teen audience for this who like a little magic in a story but feel overwhelmed by vampires and demons. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Hi J T, The prose would stir the YA interest and Arthur is an appealing character, volunteering for the quest for boots. I liked the “uppity PC ways”, Malcolm’s dialogue bringing out Arthur’s issues with Kay and his disability. The silver boots came off well with Malcolm’s offhandness. You’ve brought out the character conflicts well while keeping to the story and with Malcolm, this looks like a enjoyable read. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

A great story and great writting.
Backed with pleasure.
Dawn,
My Friends and Me / Sammy and the Wise Willow

Just when I think that there can't possibly be a fresh take on the Arthurian tales up pops another very good one. :0
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

ps only crit would be that you need a comma not a full stop at the end of speech if followed by 'said'. eg. "Cut it out, Kay," said Arthur (and/or) Arthur said, mumbled, wailed etc. :)

It has a certain 'rightness' to it, the language fits the milieu appropriately, forthright and not taking prisoners without being in any way offensive (I hope). It is a nice spin on Arthur and feels like it is an affectionate subversion rather than taking the proverbial. Nice one son.

NIce opening. Part of my degree was in Arthurian legend and I like the way you have true to the names. Kay is the ultimate metaphore for a fattened whore of an attention grabber.

The teacher in me tells me this would play well in the classroom and I would enjoy teaching with it as a resource. Whilst is would hold the students interest it would be wonderful as a way to get them reading with interest and without a big stick in my hand! Good luck to you.

BACKED

Cheers.

Good metaphor, isn't the attention, hype and money young players get today nothing more than a battlefield to see how much they can earn before their careers run out? being catapulted into this for Arthur is a headrush that will encourage or destroy. can't wait to see which one.

I do like your openning, going from being on the battlefield back to reality. It sets the tone perfectly for the balance of your story. You have crafted a most interesting storyline and your developement of the character of Arthur is excellent. The dialogue is crisp and realistic and your descriptive writing insures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Gripping start to this and Arthur's character is drawn well. The writing flows easily and this is so enjoyable and delightful, it must do well in the genre for which it is intended.

Happy to back you

this starts well, starting with the dream. some may say that this is a bit cheesy, but what works, works. maybe the dream could be a touch longer? l like the title ARFA, a good play on the name... very enjoyable piece...on watchlist for now...
read SEASONS..

'...a future most BOYS and even men...'

'...lives change in ways they never expect.

Arthur meets an unusual stranger...' Consider using a name instead of 'unusual stranger' and give a few more details.

Interesting concept.

JMC