Pink

Dear Christopher,

Interesting version of what it would be like if Christ had been born in our time. Funny - I found myself chuckling often - and insightful. Vivid descriptions of everything and very enjoyable. And you made excellent points that we all need to remember. The message of Christ really is simple but I think much of religion has over complicated it all. Thank you.

Best Wishes,
Zonda

I love your writing style, it kept me scrolling! I added this to my watch list and would love if you'd check my book, Search Me, out when you get a minute. I'm new here and looking for plenty of feedback.
Thanks!
Erin Petscher
Search Me

Hi Christopher, The parallels were really amusing and the writing has so many details that translate Mary and Joseph's story so that it feels illuminating. The redwood man and Joey's leaving Mary at first, Aunt Liz and the professors each come in a startling, funny way. I really enjoyed the tone of the narrator and the folksy warmth surrounding this couple. Very enjoyable. Happy to shelve -Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Christopher
I was waiting with baited breath to see which story you were retelling. When I cottoned on, I thought it was classic! Some really clever ideas and some tongue in cheek humour. Made me laugh a few times. It certainly is a brave effort - best of luck with it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Hi Christopher
I was waiting with baited breath to see which story you were retelling. When I cottoned on, I thought it was classic! Some really clever ideas and some tongue in cheek humour. Made me laugh a few times. It certainly is a brave effort - best of luck with it.
DP Walker
Five Dares

Very entertaining! I really enjoyed reading this, regardless of whether it can be published is besides the point. You just wrote something and it's pretty brilliant. I don't know what you will decide to do with this but I loved it. I sat back and just enjoyed. And I have to say, you have a heck of a way with descriptions!

Missy

The dialogue rattles along and is full of viality and wit, so much so that I had to read some of it a few times because of the punctuation. For example, '''...My name is Gabriel and I've got a message for you.'' Tall dark and handsome said.' I couldn't understand this until I realised 'tall dark and handsome' is a speech tag, in which case there should be a comma after 'you', not a full stop, and no capital letter for 'tall' since it is part of the sentence. This happened several times.
Also in your opening paragraph there's a typo - 'What MAKES it more credible...'
Sorry to be pedantic but it's bad if you can't understand a book because of punctuation. This could be a success. It shouldn't have anything to hold it back. lynn

Perhaps I should have included the edited version rather than my rough draft!
I'll have to locate it and upload.

Should probably split it into chapters as well.

I just wanted to share what came out of my head.
Wasn't too concerned with punctuation at the time. ( I knew what my head was saying and what it sounded like! ;-)

Thanks you for feedback - all feedback is good feedback.

I think the spin you have put in this is great!
I like the speed at which this drags the reader along and feel short chapters would allow the reader breaks.
The slightly contemptuous humour works (for me). The only thing I don’t sense is the commercial feel, but then again I could be looking the market all wrong (you’ve probably sold thousands).

Nothing commercial about it. Wrote it out of inspiration. For those in the know, when the Holy Spirit directs you to act. You act. I prayed for quite a time for God to give me a story - something that could/would make a difference. After a period of time i got the distinct message - "What's wrong with the one's I already gave you?"
It was then that this story just launched out of my head. Dad after day it just poured out. Until it was finished. In retrospect, I could have made that story substantially more detailed and longer if I expounded on certain themes and slowed down the pace.
But then again, I just wanted to write something. So my prayer was definitely answered.

Jesus Saves,
CB

I think the spin you have put in this is great!
I like the speed at which this drags the reader along and feel short chapters would allow the reader breaks.
The slightly contemptuous humour works (for me). The only thing I don’t sense is the commercial feel, but then again I could be looking the market all wrong (you’ve probably sold thousands).

The dialogue rattles along and is full of viality and wit, so much so that I had to read some of it a few times because of the punctuation. For example, '''...My name is Gabriel and I've got a message for you.'' Tall dark and handsome said.' I couldn't understand this until I realised 'tall dark and handsome' is a speech tag, in which case there should be a comma after 'you', not a full stop, and no capital letter for 'tall' since it is part of the sentence. This happened several times.
Also in your opening paragraph there's a typo - 'What MAKES it more credible...'
Sorry to be pedantic but it's bad if you can't understand a book because of punctuation. This could be a success. It shouldn't have anything to hold it back. lynn

I'm a big NFL fan so you got me with the Troy Polamalu look alike dude and I kept reading. I like your choice of the first person narrative voice. It resonates with authenticity and allows you to to convey, which you do very well, all of Joey's feelings, thoughts, insecurities, observations and emmotions. Your messages shine through loud and clear and your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Christopher,
I enjoyed this read. The acidic humour had me laughing. All the best with it.
Backed with pleasure.
Barry.
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

BACKED

Backed

Ferdi
A Bed of Thorns

Nicely done. 'Tell me the old old story,' indeed! Backed.

24 July 2010
Pink is a lively, sardonic and irreverent tale for adults. The mood is acerbic, sometimes over the top graphic and to some unkind (viz the Michael J Fox reference perhaps), humorously impious (what do I name my kid gene) and unfailingly witty. The prose is exceptionally well crafted, with fantasy counterpointed (who says that isn't a real word?) with modern realism, (read the segment where Mary meets the Samoan Angel), and displaying a polished, powerful fluency of the written word. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

A retelling with some zap. All the best with it.

T. L. Bartush
Bleak House Bleak Shed

Christopher,
Joey kicks butt.

Backed all over the place.

PINK
This story is a wild ride. I know your pitch says it’s a retelling of an old story but I didn’t see what old story was coming. You really surprised me. Some readers will find this irreligious, I’m sure, but I enjoyed it. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

This story is cute. At least based on Ch 1 I could see it being pitched as a young adult book as well. This is because it is humorous, a little irreverent, and just crusty enough to make them laugh but not course enough to get your book tossed out of the library.

A nit: For me at least, the opening paragraph was a bit too long. I would have gotten into it fast had that first paragraph been divided up into two, or even three chunks.

Wish you the best.

F. Ellsworth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Incredibly original, certainly a different type of voice with a different type of story. But this also has engaging characters and a great pace. Oh, and it's very well-written--I respect the fact that you have your own style and that you've stayed true to it and in short, it works for me. Well done.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Nice journey you've written! Backed.

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london

I put this on my shelf because I thought the pitch different but I'm sorry when I began to read it it left me cold. Sorry this just isn't for me. Perhaps I'm just not getting it - me not you. Anyway you got my backing and I still wish you luck.
Regards,
Rosemary (Ziggy Chalan)

Well if it isn't for you - DON'T BACK IT!

ALL writing is not for ALL people!

I don't want you to back it if you don't dig it.

I put this on my shelf because I thought the pitch different but I'm sorry when I began to read it it left me cold. Sorry this just isn't for me. Perhaps I'm just not getting it - me not you. Anyway you got my backing and I still wish you luck.
Regards,
Rosemary (Ziggy Chalan)

Dear Christopher
Just love this read. Modern version of older beliefs. You have such a way with words that just take your reader into the natural flow. Well crafted, adorable characters, gives a gift this book does and I must say thank you for writing it for sure.
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
I do hope you will review my book, comment and most of all BACK it. but either way the BEST of luck with yours
Denise
The Letter

Every original piece has a great chance of getting out there. This one is no exception. Best of luck with it Christopher. Backed of course
Helen
The Last Dream

I really like this book so far. easy to back.

liz
The Cheech Room

Very funny and laced with cynicism (Which I like ). But it seems a bit breathless, will this fast paced repartee become wearing? Could another character take over now and again to slow the pace a little? Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Patrick,
Thank you for the feedback. Good insight - it reads like a machine gun barage of nouns and verbs sprayed against a plain white wall.

Not sure how to slow it down though! First stab at getting anything on paper. In retrospect, I could have taken each segment and shifted down into first instead of pedal-to-the-boards overdrive!

Maybe I should have let Joey write it. Aside from the cheese puff residue it probably would have slowed down tremendously.

We'll see what next session brings.

Very funny and laced with cynicism (Which I like ). But it seems a bit breathless, will this fast paced repartee become wearing? Could another character take over now and again to slow the pace a little? Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Pink! love the colour! love the word! love the singer! I'm sure I'll love this as well :D

Lisa~
Brewer House

Don't be so sure. Some vomit is pink.

Pink! love the colour! love the word! love the singer! I'm sure I'll love this as well :D

Lisa~
Brewer House

Christopher,

I've popped you onto my shelf in hopes you will expound on your pitches. I see evidence of some good writing skills, but if you don't SELL your story with good pitches, readers are not likely to read and back it.

Rodney

If you see evidence of good writing skills - they're probably someone elses!

This may be my cynical side rearing its ugly head but I think categorizing it as Christain and Religious kind of puts a dagger right thru it doesn't it?

Repeating the short tag line in the pitch is not a pitch. You know the story better than anyone and a pitch helps sell it to agents and editors.

JMC

Fixed. And the short pitch wasn't repeated. I added an "old" to make it the LONG pitch. Kind of a joke. Guess it got lost.
Oh well. It was humorous to me!

Repeating the short tag line in the pitch is not a pitch. You know the story better than anyone and a pitch helps sell it to agents and editors.

JMC

Dear Christopher, I love your modern day redition on the Chrst child according to Luke - precious. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

Christopher,

I've popped you onto my shelf in hopes you will expound on your pitches. I see evidence of some good writing skills, but if you don't SELL your story with good pitches, readers are not likely to read and back it.

Rodney