Book Jacket

 

rank 3559
word count 119766
date submitted 23.07.2010
date updated 13.08.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Fauna

Rachel Bull

Fauna can read minds and communicate with animals but is this enough to save her world as she faces the might of an entire kingdom?

 

It turns out that Fauna’s unorthodox arrival into her family’s life is not the only odd thing about the mysterious foundling and as she grows older her psychic abilities develop too. Sensing her adoptive parents’ uneasiness she learns to conceal her gifts but a feeling of dislocation and a growing desire for adventure begins to dominate her every waking thought.

A sudden, violent raid by brutal soldiers on her home abruptly shatters the innocence of her old life and too late Fauna longs for the safety of what she has lost. As the only person to escape the carnage she realises that she’s her kidnapped father’s sole hope of rescue and she and her horse find themselves thrust onto a desperate, terrifying journey. Forced to negotiate the perils of Warrior Fell Men, gigantic wolves and the constant, lurking threat of sadistic soldiers, it takes every vestige of skill and fortitude that Fauna possesses to stay on track.

As the unlikely saviours draw closer to their formidable enemy Fauna will uncover an injustice that threatens to tear apart the world as they know it. The oldest, barely remembered alliances will be their only chance of victory, annihilation their only hope.

 
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tags

, adventure, battle, journey, mythical, war

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41 comments

 

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Andrew Burans wrote 557 days ago

Chapter 1 helps to set the framework and sets up the balance of your story perfectly. You have crafted an endearing MC in Fauna and build her character extremely well. Your story is character rich and all of this coupled with your well flowing, imaginatie writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

mabe wrote 557 days ago

Lovely descriptive writing that truly brings the story so far to life - can't wait to read the whole book - as a fantasy reader this ranks with some of the best. Very well done!!!!

hkraak wrote 558 days ago

FAUNA: Your first chapter reads like a fairy tale of old. Your writing is smooth and polished, your premise intriguing, your characters interesting. Well done!

Heidi
Pearl Edda

bookjacket wrote 396 days ago

Why isn't this manuscript rated higher? This deserves attention. Rated high and on my Watchlist. I stopped at chapter three but I do intend to mention this on the forums. Good luck.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Craig Ellis wrote 514 days ago

An awesome read according to my spouse. Backed with pleasure. Will you have time to look at my book? My book is "The Sun and the Saber" a fantasy.
Thank you in advance and good luck with your fine novel.
Craig

Azam Gill wrote 514 days ago

Fauna.

An impressive and convincing world created by talent and disciplined penmanship. The moral order is clear, and no obvious gray areas challenge those of the reader. The story telling moves at a lively pace, managing the ingredients of the tale to the advantage of the work and the implied reader.

It could, like all writing, benefit from another editing, and the conversion of some of the narrative into dialogue, would, I believe, only enhance such a valuable work.

Backed for the potential.

Azam Gill
“Blasphemy!”

writingwildly wrote 520 days ago

Beautiful story with gobs of potential. Obviously I like the theme - it's close to my own heart!

johnnyron wrote 527 days ago

I have read the first three chapters and I am enthralled. I can't wait to continue reading the rest and at this early stage I back the book.
The stress Fauna's father was under when finding the man-beast in the forest was palpable.
I like your writing style and you are obviously a passionate writer rather than someone who just wants to write a book.
Great work and I will continue reading the remaining chapters.
Johnnyron.

DMR wrote 530 days ago

Fauna is an enchanting story from the start, and the type of read that will appeal to young and old alike.. I'd have devoured this from start to finish in my teens, and now as a proper adult, I do indeed find it easy to immerse into this lovely fantastical world you've created - a welcome change from psychopaths and murder mysteries - Backed!
Diane
Good Blood

Bocri wrote 532 days ago

You have a very deft hand with description and tell a compelling story. Some of the paragraph might benefit from shortening, perhaps you could show the action through the words and actions of the characters rather than using the authorial voice to tell the reader. Overall an enjoyable read.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

DavidP wrote 532 days ago

Hi Rachel,

I bumped into your book because it was on the WL of another author that had just backed my book. Normally, I don't read books of this genre, but I'm so happy I opened yours. Your writing style caught my attention right off the start. I can see a rainbow of colors in your narrative and then your storyline of a humble and loving family living in the woods lured me into reading further. By the time you get into Fauna, I was already enamored by the story and it was in crescendo with every additional paragraph.

I look forward to come back and continue reading. Backed with great pleasure!!!

DavidP
Sunless Shadows

CamilleS wrote 535 days ago

Well done! Backed!

Camille
Curse of the Golden Fly

Cariad wrote 535 days ago

I loved the interaction between the father and the girl - the cake making scene. it was so real and made us love the characters. Then you take us to the backstory naturally. Looking forward to reading on tomorrow.
Polly.

readalot wrote 537 days ago

Rachel, I am a reader not a writer.As you probably know there comes along a story once in a while that you cannot and will not put down. For me Fauna is just such a story. Written with flair and beautiful prose your creation of a fantasy world within which such a cleverly crafted story drags you from chapter to chapter is a triumph. Your characterisations were spellbinding.Good for you. Shall be waiting eagerly for your next creation.

Readalot.

readalot wrote 537 days ago

Rachel, I am a reader not a writer.As you probably know there comes along a story once in a while that you cannot and will not put down. For me Fauna is just such a story. Written with flair and beautiful prose your creation of a fantasy world within which such a cleverly crafted story drags you from chapter to chapter is a triumph. Your characterisations were spellbinding.Good for you. Shall be waiting eagerly for your next creation.

Readalot.

djinnia wrote 539 days ago

this is vivid and detailed beautifully.

be careful with character direct address and periods in dialogue with tags. for example: chapter 15: "What is wrong with you cousin? . . . spoken for the last ten minutes." Scolded Peter . . . it should read: "What is wrong with you(,) cousin? . . . spoken for the last ten minutes(,)" (s)colded Peter . . .
names/nicknames/endearments/etc. in direct address in dialogue should be set off with commas. when dialogue is tagged at the end of the sentence (if not question or exclamation pointed) should have a comma and not period.

other than that this is an excellent story.

me

Craig Ellis wrote 539 days ago

Beautiful welll described world, with three dimensional fantasy characters in it. You've woven a wonderful tale. I would have liked to see more dialogue in the first chapter, to break up some of the long paragraphs. You've got some odd sentences in there. "His loved his dear little wife dearly." It's only because the rest is written so well that phrases like that stick out. Great fantasy! Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

K A Smith wrote 540 days ago

Hi Rachel, I like this, it has a distinctive feel to it. There is a lot of fantasy out there, and this is certainly better than most. You have some intriguing characters, a vividly portrayed milieu and a big wodge of story. The only niggle I've really noticed is that I, personally, find some of your paragraphs a bit long. Is that praised with faint damning? Thank you. KA.

KW wrote 541 days ago

Wow, what a fascinating fantasy. I can read minds and communicate with animals, too, but I have found these abilities to be enough to save my world. Just joking. Brutal soldiers are no joke. John and Tania saved the small child "lying in her leafy crib where the stranger had left her." The child, Fauna, grows up to be "as pure of heart as any of the dumb animals which she loved so much." She provides the both of them with a love they thought they would never have. In the next chapter, Fauna grows and she is able to pacify an unruly horse named Midnight. This horse ends up becoming he great companion. Simply, this is a fine fantasy. I'll be back to read more once I find a little more time. Backed for now.

olga wrote 543 days ago

Hi

Your story unfolds well. Interesting characters and great scene settings. There is a tendancy to tell rather than show here. E.g. 'small woodland animals loose some of their bashfullness...' What is meant by bashfullness? How do animals loose this?
Otherwise all good.
A return read and comment would be appreciated.
cheers olga

blueboy wrote 543 days ago

you have a strong premise here, and this sounds as though it could be a very interesting novel. in my opinion, though, you need to work on your third person voice. you must work to make it less passive and more active. this is a fantasy story, not a children's book. right? so there is no need to start it with passive (faery tale-like) narration. from what i've read so far, your story really wants to start with the line:

"I tell you fauna, this is woman's work...." and so forth. This is a good hook that immediatly makes the reader what to know what is going on, and read on. Its reminds me of some of the classic "foil" lines of plays., and it is a great way to get the ball rolling. Avoid starting your book describing the weather in a place you reader does not yet know or care about. Make them care first, then weave the details as you go along. you have a wonderful way with development and descriptve details, and i think this could be a great read. your prose is a little awkward at times also, so make sure that you work to make it as fluid as possible. awkward phrasing should be avoided at all cost. my first impression that you are trying a bit too hard, relax and tell you story in a more conversational story telling voice--do not go overboard with the high language, and elaborate speach. i hope this feedback is helpful to you. i think you are a talented writer and very imaginative. i wish you the best of luck with your manuscript.


cheers
blueboy

MickR wrote 547 days ago

Lyrical prose that suits the story perfectly.
Not something I would pick up for myself but you do have a way with phrasing.
Well done,
MickR - The Nightcrawler.

Joanna Carter wrote 549 days ago

Rachel, I love the premise of your story and I was instantly engaged with your characters and the world you have created. Your descriptive writing is excellent, so important for this type of story where the reader needs to accompany you on a journey of fantasy. If I have one suggestion it is that the first few chapters seem light on dialogue, which can be a great way to reveal character and move your plot forward without a lot of 'telling'. I wish you every success with this, and back it with great pleasure.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Lynne Ellison wrote 550 days ago

A very entertaining fantasy

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze MIrror

Sandie Newman wrote 550 days ago

This is some wonderful writing. In the opening paragraphs you describe the forest perfectly and demonstrate why I like forests so much. You descriptions are perfect without being too overdone and this is so easy to read and makes sense. Backed with great pleasure.

Sandie
The Crown of Crysaldor

klouholmes wrote 553 days ago

Hi Rachel, The narrative has good flow and the atmosphere immersed. Fauna’s being found with the wolf and the appearance of the wounded man are certainly foreboding after you’ve described such pleasant characters and their lifestyle. John is an inviting character from the start and so Fauna’s having to save him is a solid storyline. I enjoyed this! Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

A Knight wrote 553 days ago

Wonderful fairy-tale like fantasy, a real gem, and I'm thrilled you pointed me in the right direction :D

Abi xxx
Relic

lizjrnm wrote 554 days ago

I really like this so far! Smooth writing with vivid prose and realistic dialogue. Well done and backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Doggonline wrote 554 days ago

Loved it! Will recommend to my friends on site. :)

missyfleming_22 wrote 554 days ago

Fauna felt like one of the fairy tales I used to read as a little girl. Your writing has that same magical feel to it. You've got an awesome main character and I really like her. I'm also impressed by your imagination, it translated very well into the writing and makes it so vivid. I enjoyed it so much and I think you've done a great job!

Missy

soutexmex wrote 556 days ago

Rachel: I read your intro chapter. This is fantasy so what you wrote works for this genre. My niggle has to do with the long pitch. Edit it tighter as you have the short pitch which works brilliantly. BACKED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

lynn clayton wrote 556 days ago

I felt some of the sentences could have been made shorter, especially in paragraph three of ch1. Otherwise it's beautiful, like a fairytale for adults.
Description is one of your strong points. The appearance of all your characters, especially the stranger in the woods, is vivid, and the wolf loping gracefully past John as he rescues baby Fauna.
I think 'gentle' was said too often about Fauna at the beginning. But with an edit, this could be a wonderful book. Backed. Lynn

Despinas1 wrote 557 days ago

Brilliant. Backed
Helen
The Last Dream

mabe wrote 557 days ago

Lovely descriptive writing that truly brings the story so far to life - can't wait to read the whole book - as a fantasy reader this ranks with some of the best. Very well done!!!!

Andrew Burans wrote 557 days ago

Chapter 1 helps to set the framework and sets up the balance of your story perfectly. You have crafted an endearing MC in Fauna and build her character extremely well. Your story is character rich and all of this coupled with your well flowing, imaginatie writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

T. L. Bartush wrote 558 days ago

Rachel, I am going to critique your first paragraph because if your can't hook an agent or editor then you don't progress to the wonder of being published.

So, consider rearranging the three clauses of the first sentence. It reads more easily if it reads, "...Kingdom of Tawn and to the young woman who lay enfolded in its heart it seemed to sing with life".

"Lose their bashfulness as they continued their own little lives'? You haven't established the animals are 'bashful' which is a term applied to humans. Animals are shy or skittish. "As they continued their own little lives...". This can be much more effective and directed in setting the tone and atmosphere of what is going on around the girl - your central character. Animals don't conclude, they react - they're instinctive - paint them as they are. Use words to portray the truth of what is happening.

I will back you to encourage you to keep on trying to put the right words in the right order.

Hope this helps,

T. L. Bartush
Bleak House Bleak Shed.

hkraak wrote 558 days ago

FAUNA: Your first chapter reads like a fairy tale of old. Your writing is smooth and polished, your premise intriguing, your characters interesting. Well done!

Heidi
Pearl Edda

Owen Quinn wrote 559 days ago

Top notch fantasy story that has really held my attention so far, very good indeed.

Burgio wrote 559 days ago

FAUNA
This is an interesting fantasy story. You’ve created a good setting for this: an alternative world which is beautiful but also violent. Fauna is a good main character because of the way she was brought to Tania as an infant and, of course, her ability to read minds (we all wish we could do that). I think you’ll find a young adult audience for this. It has a combination of action and fantasy that feels just right. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

yasmin esack wrote 559 days ago

Awesome!

Backed

Craig Ellis wrote 559 days ago

Great characters and a well described world. You have a real talent for descriptive prose! This is an excellent book!

Might I sugges t you break down your paragraphs a bit. Some are huge, and very intimidating to someone who wants to drop by to get a feel for your book. Still, loved it! Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

name falied moderation wrote 560 days ago

Dear Rachel
AMazing book cover and such a good book. WELL DONE. a suggestion for your long pitch is to put in paras, This may be the first read your publisher will have, and you will get one, and it could give the impression of being alittle long when it is not. only a suggestion and one that served me well. Hope you dont take offense. Loved this book very well crafted and easy read, with characters that just pop
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
If you would take a look at my book and back it that would be soooo great. if not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

andrew skaife wrote 560 days ago

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

SusieGulick wrote 560 days ago

Dear Rachel, I love your heroine's determination, no matter what - all should be fighter for justice as she is. :) Great write. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) You may want to cut your paragraph into 2 or many more for us with short attention spans who tend to miss the middles. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."
backed :)
Love, Susie :)

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