Dark Aurora

I think this has an excellent balance of a diverse genre span. Horror, fantasy and comedy are hard to balance, but I was delighted by what I read here. Excellent work, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

You build your story slowly with just a hint of foreshadowing which intices the reader to keep reading and then bang the action starts and at the end of "The Prologue" you leave the reader wondering as to what is exactly going on . This is well done. You have crafted an unique and most interesting storyline and this coupled with your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

would have to agree with some of the other comments; horror, comedy, fantasy, and it unravels and keeps interest.

enjoyed reading and added to my watchlist to read at a later date. wondered if you would peek at my book and give me some feedback r/t us being in similiar genres. thanks.
kendra ziems/autumn lullaby

I've had your book on my watchlist for a long time. I like it, but I have quite a few things to talk about and I never seem to be able to find the time.
Regardless, I would end up backing the book. So for now, its going on my shelf and hopefully that will remind me to take a few minutes in the next couple of days.

Funky :]

Not much to say, but I'll offer a small proofreading correction for page two:
It all begun with....
This isn't grammatical, and is probably a typo from incomplete editing.
It had all begun with... -or- It all began with....

Good luck.

hee hee... popcorn fiction, I like it, I like it...

Leo:
This reminds me of the recent film release, ZOMBIELAND. I always enjoy books/stories that try to, at the same time, poke fun at a genre and employ the elements of that genre for powerful effect. I'm not entirely sure from the bit I've read if this was your aim, but it seems to hit that mark rather well.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Nice read, interesting storyline and just in general an easy book to read.
The action parts were decent. Some things escaped me like the 'prophecy' you mentioned at the end. Nice twist with the bad boss guy.
I would have liked some extra drama about the halfling and his son since they had a reasonable part in the story and it just ends with a depection of him and his dead son. It's not bad but a bit too sober in my opinion.

In any case very much enjoyable, thanks for putting it up here.

Extremely readable, highly entertaining and very funny. Dark and light chocolate -- my favourite.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

undead halflings rofl. quite good actually, good writing.

Backed with pleasure. Thanks for the fun read! Sana x

Very interesting beginning. I love that he is trying to save his zombie baby. Very creative story that draws on most understood fantasy. I look forward to reading more. Backed previously and very happily so. One recommendation though. Needs a bit of tightening. There are a few missing words here and there. A quick edit would take care of it.

Weston Kincade
Invisible Dawn

Thanks for making fantasy fun again! Comedy and fantasy is a tough combination because one runs the risk of losing hardcore fantasy readers. Well I have to say you have managed to add humor in this tale while still making it an exciting and traditional fantasy--with several surprising elements. This well written tale will appeal to all fantasy fans. Very imaginative and well thought out. Great work.

Hi
I like the synopsis and this is added to my TBR list.
Stay Alive
Neil.

Backed Dark Aurora. Great paranomral thriller with the touch of humor. Good job.
CC Brown
Dark Side

This is wonderfully imagined with a great blend of horror and humor. The basic theme of good versus evil is uniquely portrayed.
Backed earlier.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Fast paced, humorous,a baroque concoction held together by a wild imagination.
Good luck with your writing.
Jane

You had me hooked on your opening chapter and this is not the sort of thing I read. Your writing is so descriptive the way you engage us just with his view of his surroundings is very clever. It doesn’t always work mixing genre but you have certainly managed it. I think if you can entice enough reads you could get noticed. I read two chapters and was impressed that your style is as strong on each page. Very good dialogue by the way
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can spare a moment to take a look

Dark Aurora
By Leo Sebastian Kihlman.

Hello Leo,

This is a strange, but unique story of gnomes that turn into flesh eating, mindless zombies. It's a bit different from the normal run-of-the-mill stories that we usual get. Its easy to read and get through and there a good humour that runs through this and makes the reader smile. You have a vivid imagination, Leo, and that's a good thing not bad.

I did notice a few mistakes though in the first chapter, so here goes.

In the opening paragraph on the third line - He felt the empty cold space on the left side of the bed. Change bed, it's too repetative as you already have the word bed in the same line. Maybe change it to something like - He felt the empty cold space to the left of him.

the line, still a bit asleep, doesn't sound right - possibly change it to - still sleepy, drowsy or even half awake.
unfortunate fatal accident - have one or the other, unfortunate or fatal, both are too much together.

Hope my comments help you.
Good luck with your book.
Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

an interesting mixture of lord of the ring-esque fantasy and modern day life, with a lovely splash of comedy to keep the reader hooked. Very imaginative plot!

Good Luck!

Selena Hallahan - 'With Teeth'

Very original - loved it. Backed, Tania, This Last Summer

This is the work that keeps the lights on in Hollywood. Great. Backed. Chuck (Literary Agent Blues) (Uboat Officer)

Popcorn fiction? Halflings and gnomes? Blue skin and big feet, 'they looked extremely adorable'? O-kay. They're not so different, when it comes down to it. Busy town, coffee and pie, factory work, drunken goblins, grave robbers... But then everything changes to zombies, which saves Tom having to bother about the kids or building his dream house. And I guess that makes it a priority of the authorities to stop other people dying and joining the hordes of undead, 'fix him up before he bleeds out'. Hm, I suspect rescuing his tiny zombie son is going to be a bit of a hindrance...

This is easily as good as the best zombie popcorn fiction I've read, Sebastian (and I've read quite a few) packed with humour, both black and farcical. I'm putting it on my shelf.

Pitch: 'definitely [definitely]'. 'combine[d] strength'. Story: 'gnomes, unlike halflings, liked [enjoyed?] constructing things'. 'weird grandmothers that [who] slept'. Perhaps break up some of the longer paragraphs to make reading easier.

Just a word of advice on editing your chapters on authonomy, in case you haven't already: use UPDATE to load the edited chapters. Don't use DELETE and then reload as this can cause problems.

Well done for writing a cracking book.

You've got my backing

Sye

Add zombies ala "Zombieland" who only eat brains, and you have a dark delicious well written comedy ala Leo. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Leo,
I just glanced over your prologue, but I saw in the pitch "zombie horde" and now in this I see "goblin", "gnome", and "blood". Needless to say, I'm definitely intrigued to read more!

Amanda
The Awakening

I think this has an excellent balance of a diverse genre span. Horror, fantasy and comedy are hard to balance, but I was delighted by what I read here. Excellent work, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

Leo, the pitch is the thing - it's not good at the moment. A list of surreal elements does not a pitch make. Once you have the magic 25 words you have your best chance to get people to read your book. Work on it a bit.
Thanks for backing my book.
T. L. Bartush

Thanks a lot for your critique. Although shouting brains!dragons!warriors! quite fits the style of the book, it surely isn't a proper pitch, you're right about that. So, I updated it and hopefully the new pitch attracts interest. Thanks again. -Leo

I really enjoyed this Leo, and it's not something I normally read! I like to check out the fantasy books because I'm blown away by the imagination it takes to write them! Yours was no exception. The action just doesn't let up! I'm about halfway through and will come back to finish sometime. The nits that I have were already addressed below, paragraphs beginning with same word quite often, phrases repeated, general grammar mistakes. I think a good hard edit will make this even stronger than it already is.

Best of luck!
Missy

LOVE THIS!


backed

DARK AURORA
This is a good fantasy story. Tom is a good main character; he’s likable and certainly sympathetic when Hennah comes at him with the knife. You’ve obviously put a lot of planning and thought into this imaginary world because you can describe the characters and scenes in it so well they come alive and seem real. Makes this a good read. Stands out from most other fantasy books on this site. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Gripping, gruesome, tongue in cheek fun. It would however benefit from a rigorous edit as the punctuation is a tad wobbley and there are typos like "It all begun" at the start of chapter 2 (It had all begun or It all began are ok alternatives) and anomalies like a tear (singular) formaing in his eyes (plural) in chapter 1.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Certainly grabs the reader by the throat and doesn't let go! Great fun!
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Leo, the pitch is the thing - it's not good at the moment. A list of surreal elements does not a pitch make. Once you have the magic 25 words you have your best chance to get people to read your book. Work on it a bit.

Thanks for backing my book.

T. L. Bartush

Hi there, has all the elements of a terrific movie. Sorry, couldn't but notice, as I'm primarily a screenwriter. Great visuals! Backed.

jim
jack & charmian london (would love your comments!)

Praise be, Leo this is my new heaven, I lve it and the gmaer is obvious but so what? I love this, did I say that or was that level 3? backed with absolute pleasure.

I am backing this book on the strength of the read which I found impressive enough to back. The problem is that while my Talent spotter ranking sank below one hundred I have been inundated with requests to read. If you require detailed comments please message me otherwise I was proud to back you and will watch with interest. Cheers for now. BACKED.

Dear Leo
well what a book cover and what a pitch fir sure. All so captivating, \i had no choice but to start reading straight away.....I. have not read it all but will carry on and comment down the road when done. the VERY best of luck with this and i want to back it now so that i can assist your climb to the top
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
If you would take the time to look at my book, make some comments ( positive i hope ha!) and BACK it, that would be great , if not that is |OK also
Denise
The Letter

Thanks all for you support and critique. I've already edited the prologue a bit removing the excess of "Toms" with some other minor tweaks. Let the crafting begin!

Helter skelter of horror, does the pace ever relax? There will be a shortage of fingernails on authonomy. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Great read, a fantasy lover's (which I am) delight. Good dialogue and a well described world. Tom is a loveable bloke.

The book could do with an edit, but not a strenuous one.

A few examples: "Large hairy toes" was mentioned twice in the same paragraph. "How about fuzzy digits"? Just a thought.

A lot of your paras start with "Tom", and you use the name a lot in conversation. Maybe replace it with "agitated halfling" or some other descriptor to make your text flow better.

I would make the prologue your first chapter. You have a great hook at the end, as he freezes at his children's bedroom.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I liked the book, and with a bit of work, I can see it doing very well! Backed!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Great read, a fantasy lover's (which I am) delight. Good dialogue and a well described world. Tom is a loveable bloke.

The book could do with an edit, but not a strenuous one.

A few examples: "Large hairy toes" was mentioned twice in the same paragraph. "How about fuzzy digits"? Just a thought.

A lot of your paras start with "Tom", and you use the name a lot in conversation. Maybe replace it with "agitated halfling" or some other descriptor to make your text flow better.

I would make the prologue your first chapter. You have a great hook at the end, as he freezes at his children's bedroom.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I liked the book, and with a bit of work, I can see it doing very well! Backed!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Great read, a fantasy lover's (which I am) delight. Good dialogue and a well described world. Tom is a loveable bloke.

The book could do with an edit, but not a strenuous one.

A few examples: "Large hairy toes" was mentioned twice in the same paragraph. "How about fuzzy digits"? Just a thought.

A lot of your paras start with "Tom", and you use the name a lot in conversation. Maybe replace it with "agitated halfling" or some other descriptor to make your text flow better.

I would make the prologue your first chapter. You have a great hook at the end, as he freezes at his children's bedroom.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. I liked the book, and with a bit of work, I can see it doing very well! Backed!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Wow - you haver been blessed with such a gifted imagination as well as thetalent for putting it to words! backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Wow - you haver been blessed with such a gifted imagination as well as thetalent for putting it to words! backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room

Zombies, dragons, brains, fireballs and a blue sun - what more could I ask for. Gross when the boy is growling at his father, and I kinda like the idea of a small zombie - cute? Nahhh, maybe not. lol.
Polly
STONES.

You build your story slowly with just a hint of foreshadowing which intices the reader to keep reading and then bang the action starts and at the end of "The Prologue" you leave the reader wondering as to what is exactly going on . This is well done. You have crafted an unique and most interesting storyline and this coupled with your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi leo,

my daughter loves this and I am backing it on her behalf. She is 23 by the way!

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

I like the title, I like the pitch, I like the ideas, I like the milieu, I like the over-all feel, I like quite a lot of the writing, but some of it is not very clear: already in the first paragraph, I'm a little puzzled - he's jumped out of bed and he's almost hit his head on the wooden beam on the roof? Is his bed on the roof? Hmm. Pretty much everything in the first three paragraphs can be found later, in one way shape or bizarrely twisted form. I'd be tempted to start it with:

"Shit," said Tom as he looked at the mess; the coffeepot had boiled over. He decided to ignore it for now.

But what do I know?

Leo: I read Ch 9 and I had no complaints. Seems you have this genre down pat. This is not normally something I read so I am looking more at the mechanics aspect of it. The only niggle I have is both the pitches needs to be rewritten as they really are not written out now, per se. Good writing though. BACKED!

I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

You create a vivid world of Halflings (gorgeous name) and it's a world we identify with readily, even emotionally. The thought that the baby will never see its mother is a touching moment.
Then, in the midst of the gentle domesticity, the grave is robbed, by 'red-skinned bastards'.
I love this. It's excellently written. The only jarring note for me was the repetition of Tom's name at the beginning of the prologue.
It's not my genre but I can appreciate good writing. I'm sure it'll do well. Backed. Lynn