Kissing Frogs

Great voice. Backed

Kissing Frogs,

I loved this, why isn't it going up in the charts...great stuff - Andrew W.

Kissing Frogs

Hi,

What a great style you have for this market and what a funny and appropriate title. You have a lovely warm humour behind your words and your character is immediately sympathetic without appearing wet and useless. She is a little self-obsessed, but that absolutely goes with the territory. I forgot that I was meant to be criting and simply got on and read it. A really effective piece of chick-lit with a lovely first person voice. Best of luck with this, it deserves to go far.

If you have the time to take a peak at my book that would be great, if not no worries

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary’s Loss)

Great humour. I think this is charming and one that we girls can all relate to well. You have a easy humour that goes well with the story. I think that we get more and more involved in Emma's life as the story progresses. Well done.
Shelved,
Barbara
The Sea Pillow

Your page was right - this is is a cute read. I read chapter 1 and chapter 8 and found the main character enjoyable and frighteningly easy to empathize with. Definite market potential -- who can't relate to the guilt of green and planning a weekend to try and compensate. And putting composting and dating so close together it's all too easy to draw the linkages. :)

Best of luck with this.

Ack! You make me so happy I'm not a freelance writer! Lol! Seriously, the poor girl! I love the diary format you have here. Your MC has a cut chatty voice that rings of realism. I enjoyed her insights and downright frustration and rudeness at times. I definitely felt like I knew her!
Well done.
I wish you the best of luck with this.
Shelved.
Jenni James
The Northanger Affect

Quiet humour, realistic, well written, I could pick this up and read to the end. I chose it because I loved the cover and the brief and to the point pitch. I think it deserves my vote.

Kissing Frogs...

Since I'm an expert at kissing frogs, I'm more than competent to provide you with feedback on your novel, wouldn't you agree? Let's hope that your MC finds her prince; I've yet to find mine, unfortunately.

I'll be honest, which I hope will help and not discourage.

I love your concept and your MC, and would be more than willing to spend a whole novel with her. My only concern is that with so many internet dating stories out there, how do you differentiate yours? Not sure your pitch does that job well enough.

Your opening chapter felt a bit long to me. I'd find a way to tighten, perhaps by eliminating the stuff that doesn't reveal her character enough. Look for the deepest character revelation bits and concentrate on those.

Similarly, the beginning of c.2 felt like more of the same to me...I'd get to the internet dating assignment faster, because this is really where your story starts--the earlier stuff is set-up.

This is a funny and topical story. If you can find a way to pitch it so that it has an unusual hook, you've got a winner.

Shelved, of course.

Cheers,
Sheryl
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES (would love your honest reactions)

The life of a freelance writer. I'd didn't realize how frustrating it could be. What stress. But with your wit you have made an enjoyable read. Good luck Backed C.P

Hey,
This made me laugh out loud at several times - lucky I'm on my own here today! Chapter 5 has one of the best ever starts I've read. Our books have some similar themes so naturally I wanted to take a look! How much of it is from real experiences?
James
Insider's Dating Bible

Ooh I can relate to the woes of a freelancer too . . . I'm a freelance designer and have often gone in to places where I got the Mac with not enough memory to use Photoshop, no email or internet access, no phone - oh and often no access to the font server either - which for a designer is pretty important. Your observations are spot on and had me laughing aloud. Especially when everyone takes off for lunch, leaving you alone . . . !

I love this . . . it's so brilliantly written. Good luck with it. I'm popping you up
on my shelf for a deserved spin :)

Berni
(Fledgling)

Hi Alchemist,

This is an enjoyable read. I could do with a margarita right now. This is very well written. Great vivid descriptions. Convincing dialogue. I’m getting used to this diary form of writing, it’s very engaging. Well done.

Shelved!

Shinzy :)

I dont think you should have to explain yourself in the beginning. That its a blog comes through pretty well and I dont hink it would be there in published form. Trust your readers to a little thought. If we cant come to it on our own, it should be revised.
the story is great and I love the humor. Its totaly believable.
Backed.

This is great stuff. There is a lot of energy in your writing. I couldn't see any typos. I would suggest that you shorten some of your paragraphs as long paragraphs make it difficult to read. Also, I've seen a lot of chick lit books with the same title. You want to stand out among the other books. Fab writing. shelved

Worked for me, quirky and amusing. A pick up and put down read, ideal for light reading. Backed and good luck

Hi there this is good fun and well written. Perhaps you may get comparisons with Bridget JOnes but that's a risk you'll have to take. As ever an education into the furiously swirling female mind and that all helps :) Backed! Michael

I'm really liking this. Great pace. Great characters. Great fun.
And I felt her pain when she slid down the stairs. I've done that twice. it HURTS!
Just really enjoyed this.
:)Shelved
Sarah

This is very funny. Emma is very funny! I like the bit where her bum takes the stairs instead of her. Determined in the face of hilariousness (if there is such a word). A book that should be way higher. Shelved :)

Bj

Adding you to my watchlist so I can read more soon!
Hannah x

This is pretty funny stuff.

I was cheered to see another "journalist/columnist" book here. You might get a kick out of mine, also:

http://www.authonomy.com/ReadBook.aspx?bookid=4851#chapter

What is about the size 8? I was size 8 and got bullied for it. I'm planning to write about how my size lost me a job because my boss hated me being thinner than her!

Yeah - the size 8 bit might alienate some females!! Love the diary/blog style though - makes it easy to read on. I will put you on my shelf

sorry life is too hectic, you have been on my bookshelf since the weekend! It needs work, but I like the storyline and see a potential. Good luck!
Anli

Thanks for comments. I added a little note to first chapter as people are getting confused about it. It is not a novel in the traditional sense, more like a diary/blog. It was originally published on an internet magazine (not running anymore) but I'm expanding it and adding new material.

Mmm. Finished your first chapter. I got confused a little at who was saying what as you don't change paragraph, line or even have prose between the speech.

I like your MC. You made her instantly believable, and the way she babbles about her work is amusing.

I'm not really sure what to say about this on the whole, it didn't leave me excited to read on (the main reason I decided on this and not The Alchemist's Apprentice was the potential for humour) but it didn't leave me running away from the screen either. I think a little indication that we are getting to the premise of the pitch by the end of this chapter would be slightly more encouraging.

Other than that and a general proof, this is well-written and amusing and watchlisted.

Cara Alchemist, Grazie del suo comentario sul mio libro. Anch'io parlo italiano perchè ho vissuto e studiato in Italia per alcuni anni. Vivo in Brasile adesso, perciò trovarmi un amico inglese qua che se ne intenda di libri sarà quase che impossibile. La mia migliore opportunità sarà sul Authonomy. Faccio tanti auguri anche a te! Questo libro Kissing Frogs sembra essere molto interessante, l'ho messo nel mio watchlist. Bruna

Sorry about the size of the character, I was that size before my child arrived and got harrassed about it, which will become apparent in future instalments.

Nice fluid voice, although I agree that it would be better to start a new paragraph when another character speaks.

This was a very interesting insight into the world of freelance journalism, which I thought more glamorous as well. Some very nice imagery (dustparticles falling into giant hourglasses!).

I was a little taken aback to find that the character is model-slim (are we all picturing Briget Jones here?), but on the other hand I like it that you don't describe her reflection in a mirror or something, as so many writers do :)

I love reading things done in a diary format and this is no exception. I like the easy tone of the writing - which is essential if written in this fromat - and I enjoyed the dialogue. I am going to put this on my watchlist for now until I have a bit more time to enjoy some more.

Hi Alchemist! This is a fun read, very light and fast and sparkly. The chapters flew by. Emma is funny and sharp, and she makes a great protagonist -- even the BOREDOM of freelance mag work is charming when she describes it -- heh heh, and she describes it well...

I have not yet found a main thread through the story. If there is one, it's developing late; and while I enjoyed myself thoroughly through chapter 7, I wonder whether the interest could be sustained through a whole book structured this way. Now, if there IS going to be a central thread, I think it's likely to focus on either: (a) Emma's escalating addiction to online flirtation/dating or (b) Emma really does settle her mind on one of these frogs, only it proves difficult to catch him. I *thought* that's where we were headed with our charming Scottish Joker, but chapter 7 made me doubt myself... HOWEVER! It might still be the case (and if it is, I recommend either adding more chapters to your sample -- hey, do that anyway so I can read more! -- so that you end after another Joker incursion or else truncate your sample so we end on 6 -- but this parenthetical is just about the authonomy excerpt, not the book as a whole, of course...).

An interesting effect of the long IM sections is that, as Paul quite correctly points out, the LOLs and the quick references to (blush) and whatnot actually manage to convey the FEEL of an in-the-moment conversation in the book's text, and very efficiently -- well, just as they do in real life. This lets you get away with rather longer exchanges than I thought I would have the patience for!

Emma's horrible one-night stand is referred to only in the before and the after. This kind of stuck out to me; even if Paul IS going to be the MacGuffin that Emma seeks, her online adventures are still a critical part of the story. No, I'm not asking you to bring that DILDO in to play after all -- EEK!! But some description of her date with the sex-starved idiot might be nice. It's bound to be funny.

E.'s tendency to sponge the ethos of whatever magazine she's at is a nice touch -- first it's all beauty goodies; now it's eco-everything! Heh heh...well, at least the lad mag didn't seem to have any too deleterious effects, other than she got in a few rounds of billiards...

Anyway, nice work, and I'd be curious to see more if you post it, so please drop me a note if you do -- Emma's adventures are fun, and if they pick up a central plot (even a slight one), I think this could be very commercial.

Hi there,
I work full-time in an office at the m,oment but commute for an hour each way, which is when I get most of my writing done, better than sleeping on the train like the other corpses!
Sarah

I've been a freelance journo and the worst part was the times inbetween jobs, a feeling that you capture perfectly here. The boredom and the fear... I like your story and will certainly read more.
Thanks also for your kind comments on The Seven Wonders. I haven't plugged that one at all;)

Last half of chapter two is a hoot! I love it. Yay you.

it is so very clean! And so very easy to read. And the clean referred to the writing. I love it. Two things got me especially: one was the dust particle into the hourglass and one was throwing the chair. Funny, happy stuff. Come, Alchemist, read mine. Fix it and make it just as pretty :). I am shelving it, getting a drink, and reading more.

Hi alchemist
I sort of stumbled into this when clicking around the site for a few minutes and thought I'd take a quick look – apologies that my comments are only about chapter one.

I like the idea, that she'll take the job too seriously but as chapter one was mainly scene setting, I'm not gripped yet – hopefully the following comments will be some use.

I got a bit confused by the tense the story is related in. If it's diary entries, should it all be past tense? Some was present as if it was just being narrated. I like the voice so it didn't bother me too much but was a bit inconsistent. I did also wonder if a smoother narrative might suit the story more. The diary entries can be a bit jerky and cold where straight narration would allow for more scene setting and characterisation – I think I saw that you said this came from a blog, which explains the jumpiness I suppose. I just think I'd prefer a smoother read and a bit more suggestion that she has a life outside of work (or doesn't as the case might be). I don't think you managed to give us her name either, so I was finding it hard to engage with Emma.

I really liked hearing so much detail about a career I know nothing of, and think that behind the scenes of a magazine would be an appealing setting for a lot of readers. And dating is always a popular subject after all!
K

Thanks for comments. This is not Bridget Jones, it is not my inspiration at all (mock horror). The character is not inept, not fat, not a smoker and a tad more sensible. She is a bit more abrasive and cynical than Bridget.
This started as a blog published on an internet mag and it's fun to write so I'm expanding it. I hope my next chapters are not predictable.
Demo, you nailed it, journalism is not as glamorous as people think. This was based on real experiences, of course there is an element of fiction.

Hi Alchemist, when I started reading this, I thought it might be a touch Bridget Jones derivative, but it isn't actually. The voice doesn't sound as down on itself as Bridget, and I enjoyed reading all the 5 chapters that are up here. However, I'm not sure where the story is going, and I think it might be quite predictable whom she might meet on her next date. Maybe I will try your serious book next, because what did come across is that you can write (subject to a little editing). R

It is easier because I do light and fluffy for a living, I work for magazines, not for the Economist!

How wrong you are. It is not easy to do "light and fluffy" at all.

I'll have a look at your serious book.