HOUR of ST. MICHAEL

Make your name bigger on the cover, we cannot read it.

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

I love the way you begin this with short, staccato sentences. It does a great job of gripping your reader and building the tension. Your sentences are also polished and tightly written.

You do a solid job of developing the setting, and the premise is intriguing. You're a talented writer. Despite the long first chapter, it read so smoothly and quickly, I reached the end in a hurry.

Suggestions: In dialogue, I recommend starting a new paragraph each time you have a new speaker. The opening was a little long and confusing. I'd see if you can focus it a bit more and tighten the narrative since you're writing for younger readers. You'll want to make sure your plot is focused and linear. Make sure you mix up your sentence starters. You begin a lot of them with "I." I'd see if you can clean up some of the formatting. It's a little out of whack at time.

Typos: Should be: Lily squealed, "Say it, your prayer." She clutched me with both arms. In fact, you have a few issues with using dialogue. Make sure you review this. Should be a period after "She nodded in agreement." You don't need a comma after "who" in "Who, is this Lily you keep talking about?"

In the end, I was hooked. Very interesting start!

The book was a bit confusing at first. I too wanted to know what "ButtWackers" where and continued to read. I was pulled in by your style and vivid content. I like this book a lot. It does need some editing in the beginning and maybe a few less repetitive mentioning of things like "Hell Harbor" and "ButtWackers". Mentioning, "ButtWackers" so many times without explanation is disruptive to a smooth read and borders on annoying (this is just my opinion of course). Grade schoolers would absolutely go Ga-Ga over this book. It's intelligent, interesting and hard to put down. Please edit, I would love to see this book in print. I am keeping it in my WL for future consideration.

I think the only reason i read this was because of the butt whackers,but i certainly enjoyed reading it :)

good premise, good story and good use of dialogue and narrative- l shall put this on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

This has great potential. Maybe instead of writing the wind whistled, you can add some detail like how the house creaked with the wind making it sound like someone was upstairs trying to get in. Just a thought. Just want to encourage you to add some body language with the dialogue. It's something I'm working on right now.

This seems a great read, but IMO the strange formatting and broken sentences, eg I felt
confused
make it very hard to read. Can you edit, please? I love the Romans quote. Backed, and I wish you all the best for this one. That title would certainly catch the casual reader's attention, in a store.

I love the luscious descriptions of Hell's Harbor, Maine in Hour of St. Michael. The enthralling plot described in the synopsis is sure to delight young readers of the fantasy genre. Backed with enthusiasm.

Vivid writing. I loved the negative implication underlying the statement about prayer keeping the narrator safe. I kept waiting for the opposite to happen, for for the author to forget to pray!

Chapter 1 was great (though I thought the the preface was distracting and unnecessary).

Backed.

F. Ellwortth Lockwood
"The Final Cruise"

Absolutely spell binding. Hells Harbor - the name itself conjures up all sorts of creepy images. This is a great book, one I am sure, will hold your readers captive. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Just the kind of book I look for to read to and with my upper juniors. :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Hi Mk, I read chapter one. Middle graders should really appreciate it -- its funny, fast, scary in places and very down-to-earth 9doesn't pull punches). Just right.
I made a few notes. Feel free to ignore, of course.
'and I thought things had been at...' ( how things had been). I presume the scattered text is an authonomy upload problem.
Backed for an entertaining read; one which may (should) do well in the market.

Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Had an 'Error page' I will come back soon. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

M.K. I have just picked up this novel this morning and am reading it with my breakfast. I am away all day, but wanted to back this book now, otherwise I will forget. But will comment tomorrow.
I would appreciate if you would comment/trash or back my childrens' book; Paperbat Adventures. Thanks.
Jerry - paperbat

Dear M.K.
It is so good to see that your book was well recived. I have already commented and backed your book, and as at times the backing have not shown, i will back your again, just to MAKE SURE.
I do wish you the very best with your writing
Denise
The Letter
Could i ask you to comment on my book, and if you feel to, then back it, if not that is OK also. I am loosing track of everything here, so much to do. I really appreciate it and if you have already then my sincere thanks

I noticed that you had zero on watchlist, so I'll put your book on my watchlist. :)

Dear Michael, I got so excited when I saw that you backed my memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories" - hope you'll back my other memoir book, too. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. May you write many more Christian books. God bless you. :)

05 August 2010

The pitch for Hour of St Michael is wonderfully 'visual' with a hint of 'menacing Gothic' about it. The ensuing story, couched in delightfully, descriptive but unorthodox prose, opens to a creation of blended wariness and innocence, suitably spiced with mention of 'convent' schooling, which adds a further frisson of implied threat. Pose this with the picture of two young children on a wind swept 'Rebecca' cliff top coast line and you have an opening for any writer to envy. Evocative text , in the sense that it calls up vivid, mental images not necessarily ones previously experienced by the reader, competent plot and pace in the true sense of the word and characterisation and dialogue that ensure the three dimensional effect of the players, all come together in The Hour to make this a winner. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

M K KILDOR ' HOUR OF ST MICHAEL'

I cannot praise this book highly enough, it is a great read for children and grown ups alike
how descriptive, the seaside harbour village in hell's harbour, maine .
i can smell the salty sea air and hear the sea gulls scritching as i enjoy this read, its a holiday in itself
wirtten in the first person i can feel as if im almost there and partaking in the happenings
will read more to find who the bu;sh whackers are, read is poetry; in motion.
backed with pleasu;re
TOM BYE ' F ROM HUGS TO KISSES'
please read mine and back. comment if you can spare a few minutes.thanks

Wow - you certainly have a gifted imaginationand the talent for putting it to the written word. Easy to back as I can see this published.

Liz
The Cheech Room

I do like what you have written and your use of the first person narrative voice. Your message(s) come through loud and clear and your have crafted a most endearing character in Katie. Your descriptive writing is sure to appeal to the children's audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear M.K. Having read your synopsis I was drawn into the beautiful themes that this story weaves. I certainly would have no hesitation in buying this book from the local bookstore, from the strength of its synopsis alone, and am certain that my niece and newphew would love it.
Congratulations on Hour of St Michael
Backed on the strength of your pitch
Sincerely
Helen
The Last Dream

Dear M.K.
the book cover is vivid and that is what will stand out when your book gets to the book stores. I just know that this will be on those shelves.......I have not read all your book but for now I wish to assist your rapid climb to the top ( the downward arrow is only temporary) so will back it and comment later if you dont mind. SO wish you good luck
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
If you would take a look at my book and back it that would be soooo great. if not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise

Backed with pleasure.
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Dear Michael, I think this is a duplicate of your 1st book. To not lose you standing of your first book, scroll down to the bottom of your duplicate & delete, then go to upload where you edit your pitch. When you get to the 4th stage, it will tell you to replace chaper 1 & bring you to browse to upload you edited version. Love, Susie :)
p.s. We've already backed each other's books - hope you'll take a moment to back my other memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories." :)

backed - comment to follow :)
Love, Susie :)