The Bosphorus Dreams (Revised)

Nicole,
I completed the rest of your book in one go. I couldn't stop to analyze or critique, I just enjoyed it--immensely. This story is beautifully told. I kept hoping for the 'brotherly' reunion. What you did, regarding Edward, was more powerful. If you rework this book, could you please double its word count? :) Brava.
Best wishes,
John B Campbell

What a great read!
This saga left me with goose bumps and tears in my eyes.
"Bosphorous Dreams" by Nicole Ellis, takes you across centuries, depicting the exciting and sometimes tragic lives of characters that are portrayed so vividly, you feel you're witnessing their every move, and feeling every emotion. I will buy this book without any hesitation, and wish Nicole much success.
Maria
"Dark of the Moon"

This chapter brought me to tears. You truely are gifted.

Beautifully written. I was caught up in the execution scene, so very well descibed. I generally don't read historical but must say the book certainly has me wanting to read on. I have rated and WL for further reading.Well done!
Red

A beautiful book cover harbours a beguiling and richly-embroidered tale, full of promise, entwining personal love stories with the age-old tragedy of religious persecution, and setting it against a well-researched historical backdrop. I'm happy to give this my support.

Amazing story

Hi Nicole, a wonderful read so far.

The premise is very interesting and the opening chapter dumps you right in in the thick of the drama.

I can see that there is going to be a couldron of racial tension within a richly researched backdrop of medieval Istanbul!

A comment that I would like to make is that the blistering pace of the opening chapter sometimes means a little clarity is lost.

I can see you've not been active for a while, so perhaps you aren't needing many more comments on this, but if you do want someone to look at some more of this book, or any others you may wish to upload, I'd be more than willing to dive back in where I left off.

Thanks for sharing and regards

Kit

I enjoyed what I read with your book. Your dialogue is captivating and enriched by the simplicity of your writing. Best of luck with this book.

Dear Nicole,
Re-backed

JASGorsky

Ha, the 1OOth comment is mine. I like even numbers.

Anyway, I've come here encouraged by Dedalus. Your book certainly doesn't disappoint. I've read four chapters (so far) and it was a great pleasure. The first thing that caught my attention was the genuine way in which you portray the relationship between the three characters: the aunt and the two youths. The manner in which their conversation in the carriage concludes has a very authentic air; it felt fresh to me, too, as I read it.

You have a big talent for pacing your story - it flows like a mountain river, energetic and clear. At the same time, while already a lot happens by the end of chapter four, you still manage to squeeze in vivid scenes and images that materialised in my mind as I made my way from one major plot event to another. Let the scene where Josef and Reyna fall asleep on the beach be an example (the stars, the sea, and the whale!). There's yet more to this - throughout the story I felt like I was taking a peek at a part of a much grander whole. What I mean is the feeling of being submerged in an epic story, perceiving its scope as it unfolds. Simply speaking, your writing together with your plot have palpable power.

What's perhaps equally commendable, you make your characters' affection form with no pretence or cliche, starting from the wrestling scene in chapter one through the sleep on the beach to their passage on the ship. I actually found myself cheering for them to get together.

One tiny thing I thought might need tweaking was the repetition of the 'knot in the throat' expression (beginnings of chapters one and three). Then again, maybe only the pedantic will notice.

Something of more importance is the language you use, partly aimed at conveying the idea that the people talking come from a different time, but at other times tellingly modern, such as in 'minor technicality' or 'trendy new pastime'. Then again (again), I figure it's a conscious choice of yours not to make it too complicated for the reader - as you'd have to do if you were to FAITHFULLY recreate the speech patterns of the time, I reckon. In any case, you might want to be on the lookout for these modern thingies stealing in.

You got me charmed.

dude just call the work bosphorus dreams fuck the the...

LF40 Review
I have read the first eight chapters. The pace is almost frenzied at first, the dialogue great and believable, the description outstanding.
Things slow down as we get further into the book and start to encounter chunks of descriptive passage without particular action or any dialogue - this is what we would expect perhaps in LitFic - but it contrasts just a little strangely with the all-action start.
I began by making notes about the occasional typo and grammatical strangeness - but your blasted book got to me so I threw pen away and just luxuriated in your writing!
I have no space on my shelf just now, but I will have a word with Houndmate . . . This book has GOT to be published. I will try to find time to read more.

- LF40 Review -

I read your first seven chapters.

What I love most about this novel are the metaphors. Most are excellent, but every once in awhile you give us a gem that truly made me pause with the beauty of it. I have some examples: "...blue eyes flashed like a bucket of ice water..." & "...silence was effervescent, like water just before it boils...' or "...the moment would burst or lose shape and melt away." I was really impressed. However, at times there are metaphors that just don't make sense and they made me pause for a negative reason. An example is "Her hair dashed away like a stream of spilt wine against the green plush of the grass." That is too much and it's confusing. Maybe if you took some adjectives out? I guess the general idea iof what I'm saying is that some metaphors are too jumpled with descriptors and you lose us.

In the begining of chapter two, you did an excellent job of building the emotions of your characters and helping us feel them. Frowning when she intended a smile, Josef's silent devestated chaos; these descriptions feel three dimensional and real. I say this because, in many other parts of the novel, I feel like I don't understand the characters at all. This is not due to your descriptions or characterization, I think it is mostly due to pacing. Sometimes when you should be short, you are long, and vice versa. For example, I think you should draw out the unattainable love between Reyna and Josef a little longer - that was a really memorable piece for me and added so much characterization. I think more of Josef desiring her but staying away knowing she is betrothed to their rescuers really gives him some depth. Also, in the start of chapter three, I think we go through way too much plot far too quickly. Then in some portions where you are giving us history, there is so much content it begins to feel like a history text and seems to dredge on and on.

Nit Pick: "He was tormented by visions of his aunt being tortured in ways he couldn't imagine." Tormented and torture jumped out to me as un-intentional illiteration, which can be annoying to a reader. Secondly, if he's visualizing it - then he is imagining it, right? ;0)

Also, why is the Aunt sometimes referred to by her name and other times as the widow? I couldn't tell if that was on purpose?

Anyways, I know this sounds super negative, but you have gotten a lot of praise and mostly I do agree with the praise. The history is solid, the plot is moving, and the characters are easily lovable. I think the biggest issue for me is the pacing - too many choppy waves for my ship to sail smoothly. It's just my opinion though, and to be honest, I really don't know that much. Also, historical fiction really doesn't tickle my fancy, so I may have been biased from the begining and maybe you should just ignore everything I said ;)

It is truly a great story, and I wish you the best with it.
-Katy
The Promenade

I love this. I want to hold a hard-backed copy in my hands, put it on my wooden shelf of treasured books. Early in Chapter One, I saw an arm that should have been an arms, then I succumbed to the story and would not have noticed a nit if it bit me.(You may be able to find that wayward arm with a search.) What a wonderful, poignant, informative story. Agents, take note. This is a winner. Well done, dear Nicole.
Caroline
Summer Rose

L40 Review
A wonderful sprawling, moving, story, threading it's way across wars and pogroms, continents, landscapes and history.

Very well written, saga of the hopes, losses, and tragedies of a group of Jews against the backdrop of the past few centuries. Excellent descriptions, superb intricate plotting, excellent characterisation, and many many beautifully written scenes of horror, beauty, sadness, and loss.

A few typos though versus, instead of verses and fete when it should be feat, one other thing is the first mention of the description of the two lovers as spoons. I've no problem with the image at all, and this may just be personal, but the second use of this image has a sentence following it,where the first use ends with the word spoons and somehow I feel that the ending there doesn't reach the tonic note as it were. where the one with the following phrase does. Now it may seem that I'm putting a lot on this but the very fact that I am indicates in no small fashion my admiration for this work. Given that I'd suggest something like spoons in a crowded drawer just to take the sentence where it wants to go.

Great story, well written, love it to bits

Jim Barrass

I think the highest compliment I can give a book is when I'm able to read and read, without a mental red pen, just enjoying the story. I was completely swept up by yours. I would buy this in a heartbeat. I think one of the most difficult things when you're writing historical fiction is to create characters that seem relatably human, because you're dealing with a different time and place, perhaps a different speaking style. To have the characters come alive, to show the myriad of human experience in this context...well, I think it's a difficult thing, more difficult than writing in current times. You do have the modern characters in the beginning...I thought this prologue type section was very well done and a great intro to the story, and then when you begin to focus on Josef, I was immediately interested in him. I love that he is straddling the worlds of childhood and adulthood, of his past and his future. You've introduced a current dilemma with the proposal for Reyna, followed quickly by the execution in town, then the revelation of his heritage. So much going on, all of it interesting and making me want to continue. And always in the back of my mind, the prologue and how it will relate. Splendid, really. I loved it, loved it, loved it. Two smallish things: I like your longer pitch, but am distracted by the shorter one, wondering about the grammar. I think you'd do better to name your modern characters here and hint at the past connection. Secondly, I was mildly distracted in the storyline with the proposal, wondering why Dona Gracia had any choice in the matter. In what context could you refuse the queen? You sort of alluded that Dona's fortune perhaps trumped royalty, but I still thought it odd that she had any choice. Yes, eventually it turns out they will not stand for her refusal, but at the moment of the interaction with the queen (and would the queen have come herself?)...I was wondering about the politics of the time, I guess.

A very rare six stars from me. This is an extremely promising beginning and I only wish I had a paper copy. I'll find a place for it on my shelf soon.

Mary

Hi Nicole,

I've re-read your first chapter. The prologue was excellent - and I don't recall you having that before. It certainly opened the novel a lot better in my opinion and the writing was top class. The only problem I saw with it was how suddenly the second person 5,000 miles away was brought into the piece and that barely a paragraph was spared for her compared to the man. I definitely would not be afraid of lengthening that piece as I was fully gripped. The way you released the information was excellent - one of the best openings I have read on authonomy.

I don't think you made many alterations to the following bit that was chapter one, but I must say that everything made a lot more sense in context with the prologue. It did, to some degree though I still feel the same way, lessen the disappointment I had felt when Josef parentage was revealed at the end of the chapter so soon after the mystery was put in place - but having a character at the start drew away from the fact that I should be more engaged with Josef. That was coupled with the fact that you addressed the Jews and it did make a lote more sense and feel more natural to the story to release the fact early on.

In short I think the prologue greatly improved the story and I will be terribly embarrassed if there was a prologue before - but I certainly don't remember it being so effective.

Joe

Nicole,

I've just had another read of your reworked opening chapter (with prologue). I remember really admiring the original 1558 Lisbon chapter with Josef and Dona Gracia, especially the scene in the carriage where they witness the public execution. This is beautifully written, atmospheric, and more than a little shocking with the violence in the air, people being set alight - everything a good opening chapter should be. As to the prologue - intriguing. I'm not usually a fan of prologues, as they always seem to resemble the opening scene from a movie or TV drama, and I'm not sure how effective they are, more a way to detract from a weak opening than anything else. Yours is different, though. Having read your synopsis, I like the way this bridges the gap between the two parts of your story. Nice use of the article to feed the reader information. The only thing that didn't quite work for me (and this might just be me) was the '..., as the alarm blared out a poppy Gaga tune.' That line doesn't seem to flow quite so well. That said, a hugely impressive opening.

Happy to give you a run on my shelf

Neil 'The Butterfly and the Wheel'

Interesting story, emotional and great history.
Your writing is wonderful but I did notice it improves as the chapters move on. It is only my opinion but if if you cut out chapter one altogether and started at chapter two, I think it would sound a whole lot better. Then whats needed from chapter one can be mingled in here and there, I've done it myself. Many authors so I've been told take away there first or even first and second chapter.
Anyhow, great work, its a moving story and one that I wont easily forget.
6 stars
Junetee(Four Corners)

Hey Katie,

thanks so much for your feedback. this is actually part II you are reading. I took down the first 7 chapters because i got so many comments on them already.

best,

N

i really enjoyed your first chapter when i read awhile ago and expected to enjoy this even more since it's set in the present and that's more up my alley reading-wise. but i struggled with this chapter. it was so slow and so full of narrative. i found myself skimming to get to some dialogue or active scene. your descriptions are still
interesting, but the chapter is so thick with background. if these are new characters in the story, i think it's a mistake to start by giving their life stories. if the reader already cares about them, i think they're more likely to wade through all this info. but it's still slow. there's a lot of good stuff here- i just think you need to work on pace.

obviously, this is just one reader's opinion. i hope to be helpful.

nit: AN elitist affectation

i really enjoyed your first chapter when i read awhile ago and expected to enjoy this even more since it's set in the present and that's more up my alley reading-wise. but i struggled with this chapter. it was so slow and so full of narrative. i found myself skimming to get to some dialogue or active scene. your descriptions are still
interesting, but the chapter is so thick with background. if these are new characters in the story, i think it's a mistake to start by giving their life stories. if the reader already cares about them, i think they're more likely to wade through all this info. but it's still slow. there's a lot of good stuff here- i just think you need to work on pace.

obviously, this is just one reader's opinion. i hope to be helpful.

nit: AN elitist affectation

Nicole,

I've read the first seven chapters of Part II. I rather enjoyed them. Perhaps you had become more comfortable with the story, because the pace had certainly slowed down I felt and there were a lot of moments fitted in where I felt that I had a great insight into the characters thoughts, particularly when Selim received the news of his cancer and the bit about the violin. For me I felt none of the detachment from your characters that I had done in the previous part.

What was also very appealing about this, and seemingly a unique feature of the work, is how you have juxtaposed the time of the parts. This Part II certainly means a lot more and has a lot more significance after having read a lot of the history and what this modern Istanbul is built on. It shows the clash of the old and the new, how the past is holding back the future and how scared people can be sometimes to let go of their ancestors. Yet at the same time it shows us, mainly in Selim, that the past also abandons us and the future is our friend.....I could go on and on like this, because I love a book that really makes you think like this- and that may not be intentional by you, but I felt it reading through.

There were isolated times when I thought you had phrased something rather awkwardly. One instance springs to mind and that is where you had said "switched on the light and saturated the room in dark shadows." - While I could see what you image you wanted to show, I was suddenly forced to reread.

There were perhaps other times too where you might ot have grabbed me as much as you could have. This may be related to only one moment which is where Selim leaves his jewellery and decides to go to New York. The end of the paragraph didn't really capitalise on the emotional involvement you had brought your reader into. I had expected a bit more mental anguish on the part of Selim - which would also then help to fully explain why he can leave without saying anything in such a terrible fashion.

But they are minor poaints and completel;y personal to me. I thought your writing was much sharper here and you had some lovely phrasers throughout - none I can recall at the moment, but they were very beautiful. I did really enjoy this, I related to thee characters and I thought this was all round top class writing.

Yours,
Joe

Hi Nicole,

This review is based off your first three chapters. I am always a sucker for a pretty face and I really don't know why I haven't read this before. I had seen it in LF40 and thought it looked a very good and then read all of they hype surrounding it. Finally I've taken it up and read a portion.

I suppose I should say first that everything I'm going to say is completely subjective, by no means right and will be quite obviously against the trend in other comments BUT what I have to say is largely negative. I suggest now that you don't read on until you feel ready. In short I was left disappointed with the three chapters and felt no incentive to read further on.

Beginning with positives, it is very clear that you have a profound understanding and love of history. That is a strong aspect to the novel and you have clearly hit on a unique and interesting story. You know the world in which your characters live and I feel very comfortable in your hands. (One minor error while I'm here is that Tacitus is not a first century historian). Your knowledge and detail for fact did add considerable positives to the novel.

What I found that inhibited my enjoyment of the novel was its structure. I felt it moved too slowly in places (and I like a slow moving story). Yet at the same time I had no feel for the characters. I think that chapters one and two could have been fitted into one and made the story much more enjoyable to read. A lot of the detail on the mob of Jews was lost on me, I couldn't picture how Josef and his Aunt were caught up and got free from it. I felt that introducing Josef as an orphan in the very first line was a major point in the story only to have this life altering revelation revealed by the end of the chapter to be a big mistake and to really make me dislike the direction this story was taking - it felt very unsatisfying as a reader, under emphasised and to have robbed me of a sub plot of the story. It also served to confuse things even more, alter my very fragile perceptions of the characters I've only just met - I have to suddenly reassert how I THINK that the characters all perceive each other and perceived each other all along now that their relationship has changed - and I've only just met them. That was probably the main reason I could never feel anything for the characters. I really do think you need to drop the orphan aspect in light of this and then to adjust the first two chapters so that they run smoother.

I had thought I had more to say, but I think that is it. The third chapter was remarkably improved I felt from the first two. It didn't seem to have the same problem in structure or cause me to begin losing interest (which was mainly having no feelings for the characters). I thought the detail of the blood to change ethnicity was very clever - and it is little things like that which make your writing more interesting than other authors on here (which is a point I should have raised earlier at the start).

There were a couple of typos possibly raised already: He headaches; loosing weight and loosing sleep.


Other than that I haven't really anything left to say. I may have built up my negative more than I think it is, but then I thought that there are so many very strong positives to this story that are centred around you - your love for history and your unique style and approach to writing - and then, in my mind, to have this compensated for a lack of character empathy and plot structure really made me want to drive the point home. I don't focus on the positives enough, but I do think this would be a better story if the altercations to plot and structure were made.

I'm sorry if you have found any of this offensive. It is of course my own opinion and by no means right.

Any questions or complaints, do feel free to message me.

Joe

Happy to back this gem.
Best,
Rosa P

Not sure why you're doubting the prologue; it's wonderfully written and hooked me right away! It was an exquisite introduction, and just the right amount of vague. I have no criticisms, because I'm enjoying all of it. It's very well written and the characters are intriguing. One of my favourite description was "A moment passed with only the sound of the Queen's quiet, steady breaths swaying like a pendulum in a clock." Very well done! Backing and finishing!

Zelmira,

thanks so much for your comments! I have been wrestling with the idea of the prologue so your comments are definitely helpful.

best,

N

I didn';t like the prologue. Seemed more of an insecurity on your part than a meaningful method of sowing intrigue into the novel. And song lyrics are a no-go for me. I think a writer should create their own emblems, motifs for characters.
Chapter one bears this out. It was gripping, very well written and palpitating with intrigue. .

I didn';t like the prologue. Seemed more of an insecurity on your part than a meaningful method of sowing intrigue into the novel. And song lyrics are a no-go for me. I think a writer should create their own emblems, motifs for characters.
Chapter one bears this out. It was gripping, very well written and palpitating with intrigue. .

Hi Nicole, 
Well, this is certainly full of intrigue and interesting relationships and tangled secrets! 
I know the perennial argument about prologues is a bit tedious, but I really wasn't sure you needed it here, unless it's to show us that there will be time travel - but I'm not sure you need to do that to grab us - you can, and do, grab us with your storytelling in the first chapter. 
For me, there was maybe a bit too much complexity in the first few pages - too many conflicts, characters, complicated relationships for me to even begin to get my head around them - but that may well be a matter of personal preference. I'm also confused about her age - 17 was not early to marry in those days - and about why the royal family would go to a widow for money?
A few nits - I'm not sure that you can be engulfed in a deluge - that metaphor felt a bit clumsy to me. Also I found it odd that you had the screen fades to black - present tense - the battery went dead - past tense. I know it's logical - the screen goes blank because the battery has gone dead (in British English we would say has gone, not went) logical but it jarred a bit. Could you say the battery goes dead and the.screen fades to black? 
You have some great lines, by the way - I loved - 'you're so ugly when you lie' - so much characterisation and insight into the relationship. A great example of showing not telling.
Hope this is helpful - if not, please ignore it!

Nicole,

Just read your new prologue and I really enjoyed it. Starting with something familiar, oversleeping and missing an event/appointment, was very relatable. I was pulled in to the modern day story and given a connection to the historical portion that follows. Plus, I loved the end tag, "they were worlds away from where they needed to be." Great way to whet my appetite for all the ways that statement will be true. Also, I think you hit the right balance on length. Just enough information to jumpstart the story without becoming chapter length.

SP

Vid and compelling story telling. I read much more than I'd intended. Highly rated and backed.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

I just love this book. It's like a tapestry. Highly starred, young lady.
Lil' Em

My comment about your prologue. First of all, be prepared to hear that they (may) have fallen out of favor. Now, I like it a lot. It's arresting, clear, well-paced and it orients us. Well-written.
Kudos,
John Campbell

Well, now I understand why everyone thought that I would like your work and that you would like mine!

First of all, I love the title. There is something very mysterious about it. Just on the basis of the title alone I would be drawn to pick up this novel.

From the moment I started reading this I couldn't stop. I took a break now after the first two chapters to write down some thoughts and notes. Honestly, the only comments that I have are nit-picky and have nothing to do with content.

The first line of the novel I thought was a bit impersonal and could be improved if instead of "he" you say "Josef"

In the places where you have lengthy exchanges of dialogue I sometimes got lost in terms of who was speaking to who. I know this is a stylistic issue - not wanting to break the flow of conversation with "he said" and "she said" etc. but be careful with it as I personally find that I sometimes get lost without those "signposts"

I also find little typos here and there - (For example: at the top of chapter 3 - "who's" should be "whose" - I think) but other than that, the pace is great, the content and description are all where they should be to keep me interested and reading and wanting more.

Ack. Ok. Baby crying. I've read through chapter 4. I am completely fascinated to read more about Turkey and the Ottoman Empire. Your descriptions are lush and real and very different from most historical ficiton that I've read. I will continue on later!

I can't imaging you not doing well with this. Have you queried at all? I would read this entire book in a heartbeat.

Thanks for a fabulous read and I do hope to read more when I get another chance.

- Rena (Bunderful)

The Bosphorus Dreams -- Nicole Ellis -- Chapter 1: I could see the palace and the Queen discussing this marriage arrangement, as well as the wealthy Dona and her nephew. Reyna is beautiful, even though I don’t think you gave her much description. The scene of the burning Jews was awful. I had a difficult time finishing the chapter because of it, but it felt real to me. I could sense the horrid display, and could definitely tell the distress of Josef, and then his aunt. A secret most important to keep during this time, but horrible at the same time. What a difficult time this must have been!

Ellise
~The Governess~

Nicole,

I've just finished your first five chapters and am struck with the beauty and detail of your story. I appreciate the care you took with this first part of your story laying the ground work for what is to come. The themes of faith and love are beautifully handled. I enjoyed your use of elements in the natural world, the sky, the sea, the river to reflect the emotions of the characters.

I can't wait to read more and have this richly told story unfold.

I really have tried to find something original to say but much has already been said. So may I just add, this is a book well worth reading both for it's fascinating story and polished presentation. Clearly a lot of time has been spent on research and it shines through.
Lovers of this genre, read and enjoy! Margaret.

What a little gem hiding away on the lower rungs. I could watch this as a film the whole thing is unputdownability. The journey of the lovers and the trials they face is both realistic and you find yourself willing for all to be well.
Congratulations and good luck
Amelia
A Date in the Diary

i'm picky about pitches but yours it great. captivating. i love your opening paragraph. the foreshadowing of his loss of innocence. you give us the necessary details of his background right away and naturally. 18 yr old orphan. lives with aunt.

i like the way his maleness is used to fill a role he doesn't really have. great dialogue when the queen -the bit about reyna likely continuing to age.

hair like spilt wine- lovely. many lines like this. i wish we could cut and paste.

nits:
close quote needed before the queen began.
'she suddenly turned serious'- it seemed to me she had already turned serious.

instead of 'dragging' his aunt from the carriage, he pulls her? i have trouble picturing this part of the scene. does he immediately regret leaving the carriage? is he carrying her or holding her? where is reyna? it seems they forget about her.

i hope these comments are helpful. i enjoyed the read.

would you like to add your book to this reading list?
http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/77048/reading-list-for-literary-fiction/

The Bosphorus Dreams (love the title)

Excellent pitches and an Intriguing premise.

And then the story: The first thing I noticed was the thorough editing… I haven’t encountered any flubs—spelling, grammar, punctuation, tense. The narrative voice is clean, fairly concise, slightly formal, perhaps classical, which matches the period and setting very well. I found it easy to follow.

“He stood and kissed the Queen’s outstretched hand, looked up and held his boyish stare a little too long until her wrinkled countenance turned noticeably red. He then turned to his aunt and met her scowl with the same devilish grin he had offered up to the Queen…”

The dialogue between Josef and his cousin, Reyna, in the rose garden sparkles with character, and flows nicely with believability. These two quickly become endeared to the reader in this well-crafted scene.

“He was practically a midget with wings for ears! He could have taken flight at any given moment. I should think you’d thank me for intervening.”

“I quite liked him.”

“If he was standing just so, and the winds picked up to just the right speed—“

“He was a perfect gentleman.”

During the scene of the public executions the narrative pace picks up without my first noticing, but then the tension quickly builds and snaps: ”A sudden slap to the cheek, and he was back. “Don’t look at them!””

I cannot pull myself away from the story at this point… captivating.

I’ve only just finished the second chapter, but I believe I’ve stumbled upon a gold nugget here.

I wish you success with this moving story.

Rodney Jones (Greendale)

Excellent story line. I liked the buildup to the story and the gripping way you told the story. I havent finished the book though. But had to comment before that :). Good one Nicole :).

Hello Nicole, I was interested that you are a big follower of Ottoman history , an unusual choice , but a fascinating one , particularly in this era which has seen the astonishing revival of Turkish power , after centuries of decadence. Yes , I've read the Museum of Innocence - a great novel , but interminably focussed on one rather uninteresting woman , I lost the will to live before the end.You've chosen a scenario full of possibilities , which gives you huge scope. You very powerfully describe the horrific burning of the Jews and I can see the powerful resonance which is building up in relation to the Holocaust - brilliantly done. I wonder if you would be kind enough to look at my novel 'A Buccaneer' which is historical , adventure romance which includes lost love, Cambridge University , the Great Plague of London ,Sir Henry Morgan , the attack on Panama , a five handed duel , Spanish Ladies and much more , with best wishes, Strachan Gordon. Many stars and on my watchlist

Nicole,
I'd been meaning to read this for a while and somehow it slipped through the cracks. But I finally stumbled upon it and I must say twas a pity it took so long to read. This story sucked me in immediately. You managed to transport me into the land and lives of Dona Gracia, Josef and Rayna until their relocation to Istanbul (which you paint beautifully)
I read six chapters and the only critique I'd give has to do with the pacing. You start off so deliberately, investing time in the sequence of events, the character development and such. The reader has a sense of pace. Then in chapter 5 it seems too summarized. We begin to feel a love story develop between Joseph and Reyna but they are rushed off to wed and have a child. I think this could be told slower and also it might have been better if the dilemma regarding Reyna's betrothal was heightened and not resolved so quickly. It feels like you were trying to wrap up that concern to neatly and too quickly so as to move the story along.

Also I noticed that you describe Reyna's eyes as "folding" at least twice. I'd vary the one in chapter 5 because it is such a unique way to describe it that makes it stand out.

All in all I really loved reading Bosphorus Dreams and I definitely want to read on. I'd love to read this in paperback. Curl up on my sofa with a cuppa joe and see what Hannah and Selim are up to. Oh well, more later but ... Nicole ... wonderful, wonderful job... keep writing, it sure suits you!
Best, Kari

I have only read the blurb, but I am backing this book before reading another word, because the premise alone is is amazing...Okay, gonna start reading now!

Clever dialogue, though at a few times I was confused by some of the things said (as in why on earth those things WOULD be said. --such as calling the girl scrawny, as I don't see what that has to do with what they are talking about). You also should look into your dialogue punctuation, which is some of the hardest to master but I am sure you will smooth out in no time at all :) The descriptions are vivid and one of your strongest suits in writing, for sure, and definitely lend a literary quality to the work without being purple or overwritten. Josef in the opening chapter seems to be romantically interested in his cousin, who he's grown up with as a sister. I am not sure if that is your intention. One thing niggling my mind, however--is the first scene at Reyna's mother's house or at the queen's place? If at the queens place, why is Reyna walking around outside like she owns the place? If at Reyna's mother's house, why is the queen coming to them? Also, wouldn't the queen have plenty of money even if her son didn't marry these people who aren't royalty but have money? Isn't there some sort of princess out there that her son could marry?

I think you have a great premise here and a fantastic writing style. This is sure to be a hit with it's target audience. My complaints, which are few, are most likely just a matter of me not being a part of your target audience. (Either I don't "get it" or it's not the sort of thing I'm able to suspend disbelief for). In other words, take my comments with a pound of salt granules.

I love this book and am looking forward to seeing it get into the top 100 any minute now.
Best,
JBC

LF40. Bosphorus Dreams chs. 1-7

Hi Nicole. I enjoyed reading your opening chapters. Your project is ambitious, spanning four centuries and I don't know how many different places, so to find such a palpable sense of place, and emotional potential in the characters at the outset came as a pleasant surprise. And you achieve the sense of the Lisbon suburb with so little. A sea breeze passing through a palace. You conjure an exotic atmosphere at times, especially in the love scenes, and in general I felt myself to be led by an exceptionally gifted storyteller.
But it is probably more useful to show you my immediate (unconsidered) response, chapter by chapter.

Ch.1 Good set up. Straight to the point. Why does Dona Gracia (she's Spanish?) not want her daughter to marry the prince? The tension, and the ambiguity of Josef's situation, as adopted son as well as male guardian,
is revealed in a way which promises much conflict to come.
I loved the dialogue between Josef and Reyna; it's musicality shows their closeness, and the wrestling game introduces the innocence of the times and the culture.
The Portuguese inquisition is a brave subject to tackle ( you'll find it in the later chapters of my own book) Witnessing the auto da fe is a dramatic moment for Josef to learn of his parents' faith as well as Dona Gracia's and by implication of his own jewish heritage. And as if he grew up in that moment - 'You are the Senhor of the house now.'
At the end of this chapter I am wondering what Josef's religious education would have been up to the age of 18 ( he couldn't have been brought up atheist), and if he has been brought up as a Roman Catholic, how will he deal with this enormous internal conflict.

Ch2. The scene in which DG reveals to J his parents' story and her own concealed faith is very moving. J's curiosity seems natural, but I feel his anger is underplayed. 'Faith chooses us ' is very true. He can learn about Judaism from books, but as a Catholic, can he really convert? I was disappointed that you did not reveal his struggle with this problem of conversion. Except that it would be gradual, I suppose. And the 'Latin' tutor arriving reminds us he is still a boy. And then Reyna's very different temperament is revealed through her indifference to religious questions, her fear of losing Josef to something she would rather not know about is understandable.
And then the raid, which you 'tell' as a paragraph of exposition, which takes me right out of Josef's POV and into an altogether distancing omniscience. IMO it's a lost opportunity to dramatise the raid, to show the reader what it feels like to be persecuted, raided in the small hours.. It could be really chilling.

Ch3. I found the 1st two paras. of exposition in omniscient POV very detached, and the very opposite of what would be needed to draw me into the chapter. I became engaged once you re-entered Josef''s POV at the meeting with the resistance fighter. I would suggest you begin there, and also, take time to settle the reader into Italy. It takes time to adjust, and I don't feel the change of place coming through. But then I discover so much of dona Gracia's character and story through the conversation that ensues, and your storytelling ability shines through once more.
The cigar scene is vibrant, but the change in their relationship feels rushed, as we did not see it developing along the journey. Another good reason to cut the exposition at the beginning, and show us, I think.

ch4. At the dock. Which dock? What does it look like. What can Josef see? You tell me he looks around nervously, but I want to see what is making him nervous. Arrival in a new country is a big moment filled with drama, and I feel you're rushing it again.
Neither Josef nor Reyna uttered a word.. ....from here on I am engaged again, involved in their feelings and seeing what they see through your vivid descriptions. Their relationship and their missing the way they slept together on the boat is very touching. But can you describe the Byzantine church for readers, rather then label it ?

Josef arrives before Suleiman. He's great, impressive and I love feeling Josef's awe. Could you maybe cut the generalisations that precede it , so we meet him through ~Josef's understanding of him ? (it's only two lines, but would makes such a difference to the tone.) And then I'm afraid I skipped the paras. of exposition,which read like something from a history book.

ch.5 I'm right with you, there at the quayside, meeting Dona Gracia again with Josef, and his worries about Reyna's arranged marriage at the forefront of his mind, while Reyna is more concerned about her mother. Very well done. After 'nothing else mattered' I think you need a line break to signal the passage of time, otherwise it's a jolt to find we are no longer on the quay and have jumped ahead- a few years? - how long does it take to set up presses and synagogues? You also need the line break to signal the shift into DG's POV during the conversation with Moses. And another line break when you shift back again to Josef.

And then I wonder if the section beginning 'over the years' should be in a separate chapter? It's another story spanning a very long time.

ch 6. Murat's Pov. A touching vignette of the children growing up, and then a vivid conversation with the eunuch leading to Murat's banishment from the harem and a separation. You are telling a beautiful story in this chapter, which is like a complete short story in itself set within a longer narrative - it even has a twist at the end. Tantalising... Where did she go? why did she never return ?

ch 7. part II The cold shock of the present day. I think I would prefer to take a break and deal with this in a separate review. It's another book.

All in all, this is great storytelling, Nicole. For me it is marred in places by three things, which you may or may not accept.

1. Letting your research interfere with the story and weighing it down with unnecessary information.

2. Occasional paragraphs of exposition which take the reader out of the story and into omniscience. I'm afraid I zone out here.

3. Glossing over and rushing some important (IMHO) dramatic moments, and a developing relationship.

It's just a matter of editing, I think. Please take this as one reader's opinion to add to the mix of reviews, and take or leave at will.

Good luck with it all. I enjoyed the reading.

Beautifully written. I was caught up in the execution scene, so very well descibed. I generally don't read historical but must say the book certainly has me wanting to read on. I have rated and WL for further reading.Well done!
Red

Hi Nicole

Very nice opening sentence that sets the mood for the story so I will come back and read more, but for now the following sentence struck me as interesting and I just wanted to comment on that

“Dona Graciia the widow smiled politely and sipped her lavender tea from the hilltop pavilion overlooking all of Lisbon.”

Did she really drink the tea from the pavilion, or was it in a cup? Probably just my strange mind or maybe it could do with a little sorting as at the moment the pavilion seems to contain tea.

Also not sure why it says “Dona Graciia the widow.” as that seems to be saying that is her name "the widow" or how she is known. Is there another Dona Graccia who isn’t “the widow”

Otherwise it looks like a good start and I am intrigued to read more.

Good luck and I hope to return again

Stephen

Loved the historical setting and court intrigue of your first chapter. The dialogue plays very well, there were no anachronisms that I could see. Looking at the bigger picture, there's a lot of scope for using the passage of time and huge historical canvases to illuminate something we can all relate to - love. Excellent work

P

Although Portugal was the first European country to introduce the drinking of tea I'm not entirely sure that in the 16th century it would be avaliable, let alone lavender tea, or for that matter coasters. Then on the other hand it could have been imported from China if it was an hundred years later. Also velocity or I should say the study of velocity did not come along until the maturity of Isaac Newton in the early 17th century. There's a typo in the first chapter - "His eyes fell upon one of (the) condemned." - Your writing is superlative and captures the times of which you write making your charecters believable and very interesting which is important. I have no problem supporting your fine work - Sven (All Quiet on the Western Road)

The dialogue of Moses Hamon at the beginning I found awkward. He stops pauses and describes the reaction of Josef and Reyna in a series of almost rhetorical questions, like they are dumb struck (was that the intention?). It doesn't work for me. The Chapter does however start to build and get stronger as you bring in the history of Suleiman. The descriptions of the locale and the history are very good. Where the personalities of Josef and Reyna interact with it is where I am struggling. At the moment they are a little one dimensional for me. Where is Reyna's reaction to the fact she is betrothed. Josef and Reyna toss and turn in different beds before Josef is to meet the most powerful man in the world? He thinks about spooning with Reyna and being on an old boat with her? I would like to hear from Reyna and see Josef growing as a man (if only in his appraisal of his situation) as he confronts losing his love and meeting the most powerful man in the world.
Norton

Thanks Norton!

i have received similar comments and am working to make those very changes ;-) One thing I was trying to figure out was how to explore Dona Gracia's imprisonment without breaking the rules of switching POV away from Josef. I think I've figured out a ways after studying Ross Clark's technique in "Luminous Dark." (Amazing read btw.) He does this quite skillfully.


best wishes to you , and thank you again for your attentiveness to The Bosphorus Dreams!

In Ch 3 Para 1,3,4 you refer to the term Crypto Jews. The repetition of this phrase jars in so short a period. When talking of a noble unseen resistance I think the term "sounds" odd and unflatterring. The interrogation of Don Gracia may have merited a chapter of its own as it could have established a deeper understanding of her faith and motivations, a furious dislike of her inquisitors, and a acceptance that this family deserves our sympathy. Some shorter concentrated chapters might also help manage the broad sweep of your story. Tread your own path.
Norton

In Ch 3 Para 1,3,4 you refer to the term Crypto Jews. The repetition of this phrase jars in so short a period. When talking of a noble unseen resistance I think the term "sounds" odd and unflatterring. The interrogation of Don Gracia may have merited a chapter of its own as it could have established a deeper understanding of her faith and motivations, a furious dislike of her inquisitors, and a acceptance that this family deserves our sympathy. Some shorter concentrated chapters might also help manage the broad sweep of your story. Tread your own path.
Norton

I've read the first four chapters and thought I might give you some comments. I'm enjoying it and will continue to read it and comment since I gather the narrative shifts to the present day. I find it so interesting that the Ottoman Empire welcomed Jews during this time period. So amazing given the current situation in the Middle East. You've created a great vehicle for telling a multi-layered story. Your writing is wonderfully descriptive and the storyline is very compelling. Kristin, Selkie Dreams

Dear Norton,

Thank you for your time and attention in reading The Bosphorus Dreams.

On the contrary, this book aims to break down religious divides and explore the dangers inherent in imposing your beliefs on another.

I definitely will think about how to alter the beginning to get the right message across! Thank you so much for your comment. You've definitely given me food for thought!!

best,
N

Dear Nicole,
In Ch2 we discover that Don Gracia is hiding a Jewish Past that Josef wants to discover. The tone and direction of the book may be defined in this single chapter and as a person of no religion I can see this being a problem with a broad readership. Dona Gracia could be easily be talking about the holocaust! This gives the work a heavy weight to carry so early on and perhaps needs to be introduced more carefully. In the last three chapters I struggled with "In the morning a messenger arrived...moving on to "Angered by her refusal King James and Catherine ordered ..." The time frame involved in this era for a message to be relayed is not captured in this sequence. It is made to look like James and Catherine were waiting outside the doors of the castle for a response. As a reader I am wondering whether you, like the many Christian writers on the site, are about to give me a sermon. I hope you understand I am being as open and honest (maybe misguided) as I can.
Norton