Forgetting Sally

You obtained my attention from the start and kept it, way to go! Definately a great read for biography enthusiasts.

Leslie Gervais
"Love Has No Borders"

will add to my BS a.s.a.p.

Hi Romila, your heroine Sally is a typical model to the world of girls, because she has sufficient courage to survive challenges in this life. She suffered lot of pains not only from her own parents, but from her efforts to escape from miseries. A good narration you have made.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Wonderful, wonderful creative story, Romilla K.! I love the way you write! Your story grabbed me right away and held me through out. Such a pleasure to back your book and give it 6 *'s. Hope you're planning to write another.
Lynn Scanlan
Losing Hazel

It took me a while to get into this book as it was a bit of a slow burner. As the chapters unfolded I got deeper immersed into the story. My heart went out to Sally and the unfairness of life and the cruel reality of the strong picking on the weak. A lot of your sentences are very long, for example the second line of chapter one, is far too long without punctuation. Read it out loud you won’t have the breath to make the full stop. I think you need to do a mini edit to give your book a better chance. The premise is excellent.
Amelia Gail
A Date in The Diary

Hello Romilla,

I think this is quite brilliant. The writing obviously comes from a heartfelt place and the story is quirky enough to ring true. The scene with the earthworms is especially poignant and tragic. My only nitpick would be to watch or cadence - there are a few repetitions of words such as time, wondering, library etc in the first chapter. Backed, Rob

Hi Romilla, I think your interesting story needs an editor's hand, which in the circumstances, needs to be you! By removing some of the unnecessary words, particularly adjectives, the story will pick up pace. For example, in the opening paragraph, you don't need the word 'somewhat'. Also the 2nd last sentence in same paragraph could be cleaner, something like 'the bolts of lightning frightened her intensely and streaked the dark Singapore skies with threatening glows. (I think you need a new sentence here.) Sally knew the rain would pour down mercilessly.' The world 'patter' you have used implies gentleness and does not assist your menacing theme. If you apply the same rigour to the rest of your manuscript, your story will be more dynamic. I hope this helps. All the best, David

I'm packing for vacation, but I couldn't wait to get this on my watch list and back. I will read on the plane if I can, because you pitch was so intriguing. I'll try to get you on the shelf in the next cycle, assuming high speed access at the hotel.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

This story of dysfunctional family life from a child's perspective illustrates the impact of the behaviour of 'adults' on a young mind. This lucid account of a young girl growing up in 1970s Singapore is brought to life vividly by its descriptive detail and is poignant and moving. Sally's humanity and spirit shine through, despite her tribulations. Written with immediacy and convincing emotion, the reader is drawn into the events of Sally's life that would cast a long shadow over her future.
William J Booker, Trippers.

HI Romilla, This book is so timely. It seems that the problems faced by the young are more numerous and complicated.Part of this is because adults wont be adults, like Sallys father.I always enjoy a well written book about people overcoming adversity thanks, Lynne OS if you have time please take a look at you turn thanks

Hi Romilla,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Forgetting Sally
Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

The first chapter resonated with me, an underlying melancholy marked through Sally and her deprivations.
Sadness yet hope through a love of reading is clearly evident by the power of the writing. I find fictional stories like this are interesting, that this is a true account makes it a little harder to bear.
Nonethless, this story is so well written, poignant and emotive and needs to be read.
I'm about to start the second chapter, meanwhile my pleasure to shelve it. Margaret.

Heart-touching and authentic, Forgetting Sally packs a powerful emotional punch, all the more so because it is based on true life.. Sally is a likeable girl with a strong sense of self even through tough, emotional times.. the setting and descriptions are pure poetry and you paint the scenes well - Backed!
Diane
Good Blood

Outstanding, I'm not really a fan of non-fiction books, but I must say, yours is really captivating. I believe your genre category,needs to be written by a professional writer, and on that note, I believe you nailed it.

BACKED

Kelvin
ICIRE: The Rebirth

This is good - but was nearly put off by the redundant words - IN HER WAY - in the short pitch, suggest you cut them

Well written, personable story. Have you considered writing it in the first person? I grew up in Singapore myself (part of my youth) and recognised elements/attitudes etc. You paint a very authentic picture and draw the reader into the MC's unusual world. Compelling, happily backed!

Fabrice, Club Wars

Forgetting Sally is a story worth telling. It is unusual for anyone to rise beyond the psychological handicaps imposed by their childhood, and Sally's upbringing is filled with abuse of every kind. Papa seems almost psychotic. All the characters you present are well-rounded (perhaps because they are drawn from true life), and I think the third person narration limited to Sally's point of view is a wise choice. She is a very unusual girl--bright and determined beyond reason-- and we learn this partly because of the point of view you adopted, but the third person gives the reader enough distance to see the events through an objective light as well, adding a stronger aura of credibility to the facts Sally presents. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Hi Romilla

A few observations:

I'd leave out "it was going to be a wet day" - that's pretty obvious from the fact that there's a tropical storm chucking it down
"tilling the land" makes it sound like they live on a farm. Perhaps "tilling her flowerbed"?
I would leave out the thing about "not even a birthday cake", you've already said that she hasn't seen anything for her birthday. It also seems odd to say that there are no luxuries like toys, but immediately follow up with there being books. Somehow the section undermines your intention to illustrate the deprivation of Sally's life
repetition: "litlte girl" twice in the same sentence, "wondered", "read", twice in the same sentence
object missing: held what in fascinated awe?
omit "she was afraid"
"that were created within", not "that created within"
you should stick with one pov, instead of switching over to Sally's father's o rmother's pov
avoid adverbs - telling not showing
repetition: "little" twice in the same sentence, "read" or its variants four times in a short para, "fine" twice in 2 lines
"dismissed", not "dispelled"

I like the setting very much - it is unusual and gives the book a distinctive flavour. Sally is a sympathetic MC and I am keen to see how the story unfolds. There's a bit too much "telling not showing" and the prose needs to be worked through to read more smoothly, but you build your characters and situations well. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

What a descriptive and vivid story you have. :)

Sally is such a believable character, really brought to life with her dialogue. I get the feeling she's a lonely girl, looking for some kind of escape.

I'm happy to back your book, and wish you all the best with it. :)

Pete

Sally is a good 9 year old voice - at times feels younger? Not sure.
Certainly there's a force and confidence in your writing that appeals - though -
Sometimes you labour a point - a shadow cast over her, .. a shadow that.... this sort of thing is dated and laboured and weak. Just show me the shadow and have her stop whatever she's doing, but not look up - and I get that sense of foreboding.
I think you could cut 10% of the words and lose none of the meaning - this isn't to say that it's not good - I think it is - but needs tightening
btw- cancelled - with two lls
Chapters 2,4,6, 10, 15, and 20 of my book are written from an 8 year olds POV. It's been suggested she should be 9 or 10. Would you take a look and let me know. Intersestingly, she is also trying to come to terms with traumatic relationship situations -
Simon
Charlie Marconi

Hello Romilla,

The story is compelling and your writing, polished.
Backed.

N.Lalit ( Siren )

I love Sally's spirit. She is a survivor despite her parents. I also love this beautifully written book and am happy to have shelved it. I wish you the best of luck with your wonderful book.

Carol

Forgetting Sally - I thought the first chapter read as a polished novel. And a highly intelligent main character in Sally (or you) to weave the story for us (the readers). Gladly already backed.

All the best,
:-) Summer D'Vine, Women of the Trees

A very unusual story - all the more so because it is non-fiction and obviously a story that must have been a cathartic journey for you to undertake. I found the child's story compelling for the main reason that it was written in such a matter of fact way. Good Luck Backed K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen

Romilla. I have decided to read more than a chapter or so of your novel, as it is so interesting. Remarkable biog! Will sent a detailed message of my thoughts tomorrow when read it. But I will back it now, as it is worth it.
I would love to get your thoughts on my short childrens' story called Paperbat Adventure. Please back it or trash it as you see fit.
Jerry - paperbat

Dear Readers,
In response to Kristen Stone’s commentary, I need to make one thing really clear here. Yes, this is a biography and it is about my life.

The events are true and are not misconstrued in any way, and would probably be the only case of its kind in Singapore. If you have been reading at all, you will know that I never grew the way other little children did; mine was a harsh life that communed me from the roads that children of my age were usually exposed to and so, books were my only hope in curbing loneliness. I read profusely at a very young age on Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, the Nehru family including books on Jawaharlal and Indira Gandhi as well as the lives of other great people like Bertrand Russell, Helen Keller, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and so many others, who have a lot of love and life to spare and teach us the meaning of living life the way it should be. And the list goes on with Edward Teller, J. Robert Oppenheimer, the great man who knew Sanskrit, the language of my scriptures (and who were both the members of the Manhattan Project) and then we should not forget Albert Einstein. That should only tell you how prolific a reader my father was. I grew up on the Holocaust and I admire Jewish culture just as much as I would do anything to learn about everything that makes another society so great and deep. It is what I learned from my anthropology class while pursuing my university course under John Clammer. And despite my father's cruel ways, he exposed us to beautiful music like the classics and even to those by Yehudi Menuhin. We listened to Menuhin’s music very young.

I have changed events and names in my story so no one will be offended but to say it is quite impossible for any nine year old to think the way Sally does, would be untrue. It is the reason why I make this notation clear here. You will not know who I am until you read my book and as a teacher once myself, I can only tell you I have seen many aspiring young ones starting life early. Remember the words of Margaret Mead? I hope you do. My son for one plays like a maestro when it comes to the piano, does high school Math and is only nine, the age Sally is in this book. I could go on but suffice to say I am proud of my nine year old's achievements.

Romilla

Forgetting Sally
Hi Romilla
As this is a biography I have to take it as truth that a nine year old would understand the books the first chapter talks about. I don't think any nine year olds of today would tackle anything like this.
You need to give this a good edit. There are a lot of repetitions, both of phrases and ideas. Also, you start of talking about Sally's parents as Papa and Ma without introducing their names. Although Sally wouldn't call them my their names I think you should let the reader know who these people are just a few sentences earlier. The last sentence of the first chapter is ambiguous. 'Quickly, her mother made her way into their room' whose room?
Hope these comments help.
Kristen Stone

Forgetting Sally
Hi Romilla
As this is a biography I have to take it as truth that a nine year old would understand the books the first chapter talks about. I don't think any nine year olds of today would tackle anything like this.
You need to give this a good edit. There are a lot of repetitions, both of phrases and ideas. Also, you start of talking about Sally's parents as Papa and Ma without introducing their names. Although Sally wouldn't call them my their names I think you should let the reader know who these people are just a few sentences earlier. The last sentence of the first chapter is ambiguous. 'Quickly, her mother made her way into their room' whose room?
Hope these comments help.
Kristen Stone

Forgetting Sally

Romilla K

"The Girl Named Sally" reads like a good first chapter to me. Often we think "woe is me" until we read non-fiction such as this which provides a good reality check for us. I respect writers who fight to expose the ills of society - especially within the familial context since non-fiction such as this is something difficult to write and of course takes much courage to do so - "fight" as well because this is exactly what you are doing on authonomy - fighting for that little bit of exposure which might help this to reach a much wider audience. You have an elegant style of writing and your accounts of reality within this household slaps one in the face and says, "wake up!" Wide awake now after reading your first chapter and ready and eager to read some more....

I remember most of the places you mention in your book, Orchard Road, Raffles, even Toa Payoh. I'm very keen to read about your growing up in Singapore as I spent three years in that fascinating place. So I'm happy to compare notes. Best wishes, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

OOh, interesting and tense. A little on the overwritten side (seems too wordy for the thinking process of a child) but overall a good read. Best!

A insight into the mixed cultural background that makes Singapore. I was fascinated by the differences and the similarites in every day life.
Sally comes across as a sensative, intelligent child bemused by the pointless smal cruelities she see around her. I found her mix of acceptance and disaproval very touching and innocent. She is a keen ovserver of her world.
The style here is unusual, but once I found I got used to the slightly odd way of expression it made more and more sense, I was hearing the authentic voice of the child, telling me the story in her own way, as she would have told it to a listener. Once I fell in that this was a dialogue more than anything else, it devolped a charm I found very appealing.

Hi Romilla,
I finally found time to read some of your book.
It is a fascinating story and one I will come back to read when I have more time...like tomorrow as it's a story I'd like to read to the end.
I've read some of the comments so will not repeat what has already been said. Your command of English is good, though a few words may be easier if they have a slight change (as in 'ever so often' to 'every so often'.
In chapter 2 I think you need to add the word 'turn' when describing how people looked at the grandfather and change the sentence 'how long more' to 'how much longer'
This is a good read and so eye opening about the Indian culture.
Backed with pleasure.
Lizzie Scott :-)

Ramalla,
I love true stories, but as you know, even these have to move me in some way to make it worthwile reading. In this case, it is. I came to understand the situation with your mother quickly, and it wasn’t long before I saw her plight as she worked hard to keep the payments on a house they could barely afford, though ‘father’ insisted on have to prove himself better.
When you talked about Kamala and the abuse she received in chapter two, it reminded me of a man I knew from India back in Canada who insisted a woman’s place was to kneel and kiss her husband’s feet before uttering a word in the morning. His heaping the good food to his plate as the children ate the leftovers made me shiver.
Memories of the grandparents made me smile, though once again, the issues surrounding male domination could be clearly seen. After still hearing the odd report of an Indian wife being burned at her husband’s funeral, this puts the women’s situation in Indian into greater perspective.
In short, I find this fascinating. An in depth look into a young child/woman’s life as she grew up in a troubled society and country.

As to your writing, there are some issues, though I can’t help but be impressed at your command of English and extensive vocabulary. Most the issues stem from societal differences I think, but one I can pick out in particular is repetition of the same or similar words, and pleonasms. For example, chapt 1 par starting with “Unlike...Daring...dared in same sentence.
In the par “The home library...books kept HER company providing HER a...”In this case, her is both a repetition and a pleonasm, an unnecessary word that does nothing if you remove it. Another example of a pleonasm is, “When she looked ALL around her...” Remove ‘all’. It cleans up your MS and makes it look more professional. You’ll also find that your story will speed up.
Another thing you might want to do on your next edit is break up some of the longer sentences, removing the ‘ands’ that show up often. Have you tried doing chapter swaps with fellow authonomites? I’ve found this to be tremendously helpful and my MS is tremendously improved because of it. Even one chapter can give you ideas on how to improve in the writing department.
I’m hoping this helps, but all in all, a fascinating discovery!
Backed.

Paul

www.pauldaytonscifi.com

Eye of the Idol

You have an unusual way with words, Romilla, many of which work wonderfully, but occasionally seem slightly confusing. Overall, however this is an absorbing account of Sally's life, of her love for the motivational characters in her father's books, of her fear of her father, of his hopes for her, and his indulgence for his son, and his own pleasures. She has a privileged life in some ways, but not as happy and fun-filled as other children.

There are happy moments though. It's an amusing account of how Sally's mother is a gardener but hates worms, 'But Ma, you need the earthworms to keep the plants healthy'.

As with the above example, your writing is at its most expressive when it uses the simpler words: 'The book did fall, but landed with a great big thud on the wooden floor sending vibrations hurtling across the old house', 'They did grow well even without the earthworms and Sally would sometimes take the flowers to the prayer room and lay them down'.

Though a little more work is needed to iron out some of the odd words, this is a moving account of a child in a culture that is unfamiliar to many of us, and thus fascinating ... backed.

Possible nits: Consider the following rephrasing to prevent the repeat of 'little girl, '...so books played a significant role in her life...' 'that were unreachable reaching'?? 'shelling her with apprehension', something lost in translation? 'filling her with apprehension'? 'He sounded gently [gentle] this time'.

Forgetting Sally is a moving, forlorn tale of interconnecting relationships strained to beaking point. Karuna is self indulgent and vain with mounting debts. So he marries the obediant Karmala to secure the dowry from her father, but his treatment of his family borders on slavery, and though he his aghast at a neigbours abuse of small animals, he his quite willing to smash his own daughter in the face.
Truly a horror story of overpowering status and ambition, leaving in its wake the debri and jetsam of ruined lives.
Nicely written because unlike a lot of true life stories, where the standard is below par for publication, this story reads like a professionally crafted autobiographical story and I wish you the best of luck with it.
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

A whole new culture for me. Sally has an indominatible spirit despite her obnoxious father. Hers is a life that many modern day youngsters could not relate to. I have only read the first 4 chaps . It has awakened my interest and I shall come back for more. Shelved, Regards, Anne.

Hello Romilla,
I've managed to read the first chapter, I won't read any further tonight as its late and in case my laptop decides to misbehave again. I thought that this was a really interesting story, written from a 9 year old child's perspective. I could feel the fear that Sally had when her father walked into the library. I think you have written this well and the thoughts of the little girl are well executed and portrayed. The imagery is good to and can see the scenes played in my head from your descriptions. A touching story so far. I would love to read more of this, so will come back tomorrow.
Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

FORGETTING SALLY by Romilla K.

Here's another inspiring book in the True Life genre. Not only true to life but true to itself in the hands of an accomplished author. The added value is the cultural dimension. Sally refers to "the ropes of life become to tough to hold.." nevertheless, she rolls with the punches and provides her readership with a gritty and authentic account. She copes and ultimately - one suspects - triumphs over seeming overwhelming adversity. There are some, textual, grammar and syntax anomalies but they in no way detract from a sensitive, tender and emminently readable book. There is no doubting that Sally's love of books is responsible for the quality of her writing. Mrs. Harper, Mr. Collins, you better make that call soon if you want to avert a bidding war! Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

You need to sort out that opening sentence. The “til” and “until” jar. Why not “and Sally decided she’d stay at home”? After that it settles down and the household is poignantly described with some fascinating detail – the book collection and the smell of the musty pages frightening the daughter and the scene with the earthworms and her tenderness towards them I especially liked. I like the fact that you’re using a restrained almost gentle language to tell the story so we see it from a point of view of innocence which makes us all the more alert to any strident note. Ravi with his spiders is great too – keeping them in boxes as if hoping to neutralise their dark power – and then how the father takes on this dark power with his shouting.

Poor little Sally. You describe her so well that I totally empathise with her and feel her sadness, fear and pain. I found this so moving, Romilla, and wish you every success with your story. Backed without hesitation. Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

This is a very moving story, beautifully written. It is so heartbreaking when children are treated badly, but Sally is very bright and caring, and I`m hoping that there is a happy ending for Sally. Backed with pleasure.

Sarah Louise

At first I found your tone somewhat distanced but then I sort of settled into it and started to enjoy it, the steady pace of it, the calm demeanor of it. I like that you've taken the time to introduce the abuse--sometimes people start right off with it and it's a bit hard to take, right up front. I really enjoyed this and applaud your bravery for telling the story.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Hi Romilla!!!

Its Jennifer

Best wishes!!!!

hullo Rome. this is a very good story interesting that even though Sally is fearful she is still intent to learn.
Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Not my genre but such a great story that it diserved my vote.
Good luck.
Dan
Pls, if you have time take a look at mine.

I actually HAD to stop reading this! I have a 10 year old daughter and this made me think of children just like her that aren't lucky enough to be loved here on this earth. Moving is the only work I can find at the moment but it doesn't do the work justice! Backed with no second thought!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales; Demouri's Defeat

Dear Romilla
well as I promised I carried on reading, and have come to the end of the read. Are you going to post more? anyways I have already commented on your book however I cannot see the backing so I will take the time to back it again. the book is WORTH IT.. if you have already backed my book thank you so much, if not would you find the time, if not that is OK also
the VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Dear Romilla
well as I promised I carried on reading, and have come to the end of the read. Are you going to post more? anyways I have already commented on your book however I cannot see the backing so I will take the time to back it again. the book is WORTH IT.. if you have already backed my book thank you so much, if not would you find the time, if not that is OK also
the VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Books on true stories are significant in the insight they give, a compelling story with an endearing main character and nicely detailed background.

Backed,

Lisa

Dear Romilla, this is a moving story and your pitch drew me in. You have a gentle, descriptive style which makes me want to know what is going to happen to Sally. There are just one or two details which could perhaps do with a bit of thought eg where she drops the book you say "the book had spread its cover (SINGULAR) outwards and she grabbed them (PLURAL)" - also perhaps say "He snatched his precious book from Sally" instead of "snagged" which has a different meaning, at least in UK English. Maybe other parts of the world are different but think carefully about meanings. I look up some of the most ridiculously common words I use because I think it's best to check that my own understanding of their meaning is correct.
Hope this helps. Would you mind having a look at mine?
Best wishes,
Adelina
A Distant Family