Losing Focus

Maybe I just loved this because I have a love for photography, but this was great! And the premise is fantastic. You give just enough to make the reader curious. I wonder what is up with Mr Hartell.

I know it's listed as a YA story, but this is something I would pick up if I saw it in a book store. The title is so fitting to the story, on multiple levels, and the cover would have also grabbed my attention in a book store. Not to mention this is so well written! I even love your character names.

There is something weird about Mr Hartell for sure. I found the layer of him knowing her mother really interesting, and his evasion of answering how quite curious. Your writing seems to really always be presenting on two levels, even in the sense of the way you title your chapters. The emotion seems to be woven throughout.

Not only does this read like a published novel, but an exceptional one at that. You have my full support! THIS is a perfect example of what we should be seeing on the ed desk. Have you tried inkpop as well? Anyway... I envy the talent you showed here. Excellent and, of course, backed.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

I am still vaunting the possibility that chick lit was desinged as a nomenclature to obviate many people's excellent writing. AS I have said to thers before, chic as in the fashion sense, could be more confusing but better than a derogatory chick (I will fight to stamp this out, damn it!).

Your writing is cool, controlled and dedicated to a writer's art. You have excellently painted characters and a nose for the human psyche on show that illuminates human nature. Sure, you talk of romance etc. but so did Wuthering Heights and nobody would call that "chick anything".

Katie's tender adoration of the old camera is a fantastic authorial device to expose the inner qualities of the young girl- a skilfull use of language that should be celebrated. This is a premier league piece of writing.

BACKED

What a nice easy read, with little tidbits of anxiety slipped in between the words. Greta, I like so much of what you've done. First, your pitches and cover are terrific, and so is your title. Also, you've set up the story so well, the characers, the interactions. I'm positive young adults would love this. I'm no where near a young adult in age and I'm sure I would love it. Best of luck.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Dear Greta --

You build Katie's world with deft assuredness, starting us immediately at the center of what will become the story's conflict and then working outward to color in the details before returning to Mr. Hartell and his increasingly creepy interactions with Katie. Her relationship with Greg provides an excellent subplot, as does her antagonistic encounters with Ben. (One small thing we noticed, possibly of no concern: in chap 2, you introduce characters named Ben and Jerry, and all we could think of was ice cream.) Throughout what you've uploaded here, we get a strong sense of who Katie is and who she is becoming -- great character arc -- all while the plot advances toward the inevitable confrontation(s) with Mr. Hartell. This is an excellent story for the YA set, thouught-provoking and believable. It's our pleasure to back Losing Focus. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

Wow. I have to say I am extremely impressed with your book.
Out of all the books on here it is one of the most polished, and nearly ready for publication.
I read once that in writing you don't tell, you show.
You definitely do that here, you don't just tell us about Katie, you show us Katie.
I completely understand her and fell in love with her character, I read all the twenty chapters you put up in one sitting and would read more if there was. This is a good novel for young adults, Katie is very relateable.
I like the awkwardness between her and Greg, very realistic, and I was so proud of her when she asked him if he wants to kiss her and so dissapointed when he didn't.
Mr. Hartell is a real creep, and you give us that feeling in the begining, and it grows strong the more the story unfolds.
I have no critiscm, and that's very unlike me so you should feel quite accomplished and very proud of yourself for a job well done.
I hope to see this at the top 5 very soon, and will be happy to back for 24 hours

This is really well written, I know nothing about photography, so I'm sure I've learnt a lot, but I love how the process of developing the films, also allows for the characters to do the same. I found the story quite captivating and have added it to my watch list, so that I can return and read on. A brilliant read so far, and I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.

Many Thanks,

Natalie.

Going through all my comments to see who I backed and doing the star thing. Good luck, again Four Better Four Worse

Good dialogue and interesting MC. You have a great understanding of Katie's essence, and portray her character well. The story has a good premise, and unfolds at a nice pace. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

This is well done. I love the analogy of the camera and the baby. I also commend you for starting the story in the proper place, with Katie in class and holding the camera--that's her element: photography, what she loves most. Things go creepy from the start, which is also good. You know what you're doing. Also, I'm fond of the name Lacey, so...bravo. Backed.

Laura Freeman
Writers on the Storm

This is great. You have captured the teenage girl awkwardness perfectly... all while moving your story along fluidly. You have just the right mix of dialogue and narrative, making everything flow nicely.

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

PS
If you get a second, I would love to hear your thoughts and/or backing on my novel, Princess. :)

Dear Greta


It is so good to see that your book was well received. I have already commented and backed your book, and as at times the backing have not shown, i will back your again, just to MAKE SURE.
I do wish you the very best with your writing

Denise
The Letter

Dear Greta, I love your heroine & her unrequited love-story :) - it brought back a lot of sad memories of my own :) - ah, love!! :) I love how you put me with you in the story to feel what Katie was feeling. :) Your pitch pulled me in to read your story & your crisp dialogue & paragraphs kept me reading. :) I'm backing your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is a sweet well-written story. The pitch is great, tells you enough to hook you and not endless tedious detail. The writing is economical and I am sure in its niche it will do well. Very believable. BFP Four Better Four Worse

This is a sweet well-written story. The pitch is great, tells you enough to hook you and not endless tedious detail. The writing is economical and I am sure in its niche it will do well. Very believable. BFP Four Better Four Worse

A great start (I have read the first couple of chapters). You have a creative way with words, and a nice smooth-flowing style of writing. I love your first few paragraphs where you describe the feeling of the "real" camera. You will do well with this. Shelved with pleasure.

Leigh
If you have time, please consider reading "Lies That Bind," also a YA novel, and backing if you feel it is warranted. Thanks!

this is such a nice read. I enjoyed it so much and connot wait to read more.
I will comment as i read ;)
Backed with pleasure.
Green H
through green's eyes

Maybe I just loved this because I have a love for photography, but this was great! And the premise is fantastic. You give just enough to make the reader curious. I wonder what is up with Mr Hartell.

I know it's listed as a YA story, but this is something I would pick up if I saw it in a book store. The title is so fitting to the story, on multiple levels, and the cover would have also grabbed my attention in a book store. Not to mention this is so well written! I even love your character names.

There is something weird about Mr Hartell for sure. I found the layer of him knowing her mother really interesting, and his evasion of answering how quite curious. Your writing seems to really always be presenting on two levels, even in the sense of the way you title your chapters. The emotion seems to be woven throughout.

Not only does this read like a published novel, but an exceptional one at that. You have my full support! THIS is a perfect example of what we should be seeing on the ed desk. Have you tried inkpop as well? Anyway... I envy the talent you showed here. Excellent and, of course, backed.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Hi Greta, I read three chapters and enjoyed your story. The photography classes are well done and the dialogue is consistently realistic. Well done.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

good use of dialogue helps this book...lt shall go on my watchlist...
read SEASONS....

Greta . Finished reading it all [of what has been loaded]. Still enjoyable. How are you going to end it? My one uncertainty is seeing a plot line / lones which may lead to and ending. May be , I am being too impatient! Backed with honisty.
Appreciate comments / backing or trashing of my childrens book. Thanks.
Jerry [paperbat adventures]

Greta, your opening chapter flows smoothly. What else can I say but good job.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Greta, your opening chapter flows smoothly. What else can I say but good job.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Greta, your opening chapter flows smoothly. What else can I say but good job.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This book will please Y/A - i LIKE THE PITCH and the cover so I m backing your book - please have a look at my books - good luck !

A vibrant story with well developed characters. Lively dialogue. Vivid writing. Spot on story telling. Backed.

Very inviting prose, great window into the characters inner world. Authentic.
YA readers will enjoy the introduction into photography as an added bonus!
Very happy to back, Fabrice, Club Wars

A well written manuscript that is engaging both in charcter and diolouge. C W

This is excellent, I'm hooked!! 2 chapters and I want to keep reading... a YA audience is going to lap this up! :)

Your title is clever and the 'to-the'point' pitch drew me in! And getting to the writing was a treat, you are a true professional. Your style is succinct and easy to read and I found myself drawn in! I'm enjoying it so far and hope to keep reading! :) Backed.

I was looking forward to reading this and I wasnt dissapointed. You have a nice twist on the idea of teacher / pupil here. Its well written, realistic and your MC's are very real.

This is a thoroughly good read.
Backed - Clair

I have read lots of work written by as yet unpublished authors. This is quite simply an excellent read. An inspiration to us all. Good Luck Greta, can't wait to see it in print!

Thanks so much, Aaron!

I have read lots of work written by as yet unpublished authors. This is quite simply an excellent read. An inspiration to us all. Good Luck Greta, can't wait to see it in print!

So perfect for young adults, easy and engaging... I remember being Katie in high school myself far too many years ago... she is very relatable.
BACKED
Jennifer - A Matter Of Conscience-

Very well written and an enjoyable read. I;m only two chapters in, but wanted to comment. Backed.
~K. McCracken
What the Heart Wants

A YA novel that kids will take to because it focuses on what they are experiencing in the today world. Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

Dear Greta Stone,

The cover photo of Losing Focus is great, but it would have to be.

I love your coming-of-age story. We have so many things in common including cherishing a first camera.

(If you have a chance, please take a look at the beginning of Chapter 9 in CBGB Was My High School. You’ll see why I identify with your story. I mention a first camera in the first section of the manuscript, but the parts of my stream of consciousness memoir are long and un-numbered and it would be hard for you to find it. Also, I mention having a camera stolen at the Mudd Club in section 5. Forgive me for talking about my story, but there are similarities.)

All best wishes to you and backed. I need to read more of Losing Focus.

GK Stritch

Hello Greta - I am only a couple of chapters in but I am enjoying this enough to back but I will read on. I found it purely by accident when looking at some of the books on 'friends' shelves. I am pleased I did.

Pete

HI GRETA 'LOSING FOCUS'

nice cover well selected, will catch the attention of all the photography peole and i am sure there are thousands of them. definetly at read for teenagers of all ages will relate with those them years!
you write with a very relaxed style, very readable and enjoyable with out taxing the brain.
i injoyed the read thats for sure, brings me back to the teen years,
very up to the minute.backed with pleasure.
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
please read and back mine thanks

Greta: the short pitch works very well. The long pitch needs to be expanded upon. I do apologize for the lack of a proper comment but I am leaving for the weekend and it's late here. Let me know if you want a proper comment upon my return and I will read more as soon as I have a chance. For now, enjoy the BACKING. I can use your comment on my book when you get the chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Greta
Am loving what I've read so far. Your voice is clear and assured, and Katie is an instantly engaging MC.
On my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

Aaaaah, sweet adolescence! This is the perfect picture (pardon the pun) of a pre/early teen. Very nicely written- definitely where it should be on the weekly charts! Kudos and BACKED!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

Hi Greta, This has direction. You stayed with the photography class which made me curious about Katie and yet you revealed much about her in her interactions. The shoot was well-rendered. I thought that it might be explained why it was better to take that shot in the shade and whether that issue was in the homework. There's a story building up with Katie's leaning towards Jerry rather than her classmates. It seems well-geared for the target age. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Greta,

I've enjoyed the few chapters I read so far. You really make the reader feel for Lacey; awkward teen trying to just get by high school. I empathize with her and your story flows well and makes me want to continue to read to find out what happens between her and her father's helper!

Happily Backed
Denise

Would you mind taking a peek at my book "Road to Redemption: From Cop's Daughter to Convicted Felon?"

I have read five chapters and apart from knowing how much Katie loves photography and that she goes weak at the knees when she see’s both her teacher and her gardener. I’ve been waiting to see what the teacher wanted her for in the study hall (chapter 2)but nothing has happened in chapter 3 and chapter 4 Starts she was in the darkroom a week later. So when the conversation was and what did he want? Other than that little glitch I liked what I read. Katie is painfully shy and you demonstrate that well. I’m sure there is going to be a good romance budding here but who with?





Wilma1

Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you have a moment to take a look

An interesting beginning, with the photography lingo and the deft introduction to Katie's life and situation. I like that you have written this intelligently, with a varied vocabulary and moments of innuendo, for the YA crowd who I think at times we underestimate! I'm hoping that the photography theme plays out with the "things not as they seem" aspect that you tease with in the pitch. Really well written, great job.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

This was wonderful! I really enjoyed it! You've got some great characters, they feel very real and like someone we all know. You have a lovely writing style, it's engaging and fun. I'm a bit of an amateur photographer so I loved those bits! I probably would have bought this just reading the pitch!

Missy

Hi Greta, read most of the twelve chapters. Your writing is excellemnt and the dialogue realistic and natural.
It's a great book. I i dare to ctriticise at all I would say that it need a bit more to keep the readers interest. The think with the teacher could start a little earlier and progress a bit faster. Perhaps a little bit more 'close friens' and a bit more conflict with someone.Having said all that it is very good and it's just ideas that might help/
David (Flawless Murder)

Greta,
Losing Focus is a captivating and original work which is sure to appeal to young adults. Backed.

Hi Geta. I happen to write (screenplays) chick flics, romances and such, so I can truly appreciate one like yours. Terrific stuff, good structure!

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Well observed, well written and well paced. This is writing to a purpose, well done.

Dear Greta --

You build Katie's world with deft assuredness, starting us immediately at the center of what will become the story's conflict and then working outward to color in the details before returning to Mr. Hartell and his increasingly creepy interactions with Katie. Her relationship with Greg provides an excellent subplot, as does her antagonistic encounters with Ben. (One small thing we noticed, possibly of no concern: in chap 2, you introduce characters named Ben and Jerry, and all we could think of was ice cream.) Throughout what you've uploaded here, we get a strong sense of who Katie is and who she is becoming -- great character arc -- all while the plot advances toward the inevitable confrontation(s) with Mr. Hartell. This is an excellent story for the YA set, thouught-provoking and believable. It's our pleasure to back Losing Focus. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

I can see young adults enjoying this. It's a nice easy read which i'm sure will go far. Backed.
Gill

What a nice easy read, with little tidbits of anxiety slipped in between the words. Greta, I like so much of what you've done. First, your pitches and cover are terrific, and so is your title. Also, you've set up the story so well, the characers, the interactions. I'm positive young adults would love this. I'm no where near a young adult in age and I'm sure I would love it. Best of luck.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose