Love is not enough..The Diary of an Adoption Breakdown

Janetta,
I have read your book and what you have said resonates with me, profoundly. I can imagine the depth of your pain and anguish over the years because I have known other couples who have experienced the devastation of adoption breakdown.
You paint such a vivid picture of the years of struggling and you have chosen such a positive way of dealing with it all. I found your record of events emotionally gripping and profoundly sad. I'm so glad you feel you are recovering from it all, along with your lovely son. I hope your book does well because there is not enough known about what is in reality quite a widespread problem.
Well done for being brave enough to record it and let's hope you get somewhere with it.
Melissa,
Lessons in the Dark

Dear Janetta

I have read your first eight chapters. Your descent into nightmare is horrific. Piece by piece, you put together the evidence of a life gone awry. You show us how much you all suffered, because your suspicions were played down, not because you did anything wrong.

I know what it feels like to be ignored, but to be systematically neglected for so many years - you have such courage. You could have become bitter. Instead you have written about it. Thank you.

Fran Macilvey xx

Dear Janetta

I have read two chapters of "Love Is Not Enough" and will be reading more tomorrow. What a sad and emotional tale you tell, filled with a sense of misgiving...I wonder that you were not given more support to adjust to parenthood, but then, it is easy to speak with the benefit of hindsight.

Your writing is smooth and clear, with only the occasional typo to clear up. Nothing wrong in that. The narrative is consistent, convincing and relentless, unafraid of telling the truth. A lot of autobiography is catharsis, yet you do well to keep your emotional responses in check, so that we get a picture of what is happening, without feeling overwhelmed or manipulated. That takes time to get right, and courage to commit to the page.

I shall be reading more soon.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :-))

Love is always more than enought isn't it! interesting though time is an issue!!!!!

I noted this one to read over a year ago, I think, and have only now come to it.
With a story like this, it is not important if the style is neither fashionable-modern or 'correct' literature. The sincerity and feeling rings through it. If you want to, I have no doubt that you will be able to find a publisher for this book. I wish you all the luck with it. To be backed, Marj.

I started reading and couldn't stop until the end. It is filled with emotion, that emanates from every page.
This is one story that should be told.
You have all the right qualities to write this, except, you need to learn some writing skills.
I believe a publisher would jump at this, if it was re-writen in proper book format.
It is too short, for a start. The average novel is around 100,000 words. So you need to fill it out with more detail.
Also the use of some dialogue would add to it's authenticity.
What I was thinking is that maybe you could take a writing course. This is what I did before i started my novel.
You would be amazed at how quickly it is to grasp what other's are commenting about, with proper tuition.
You seem a very intelligent and sensitive person. I believe you would excel in such a course. You already have the emotive storytelling gift. All you need is the writing skills, which can be learned.
Other's say get a partner, but no-one could tell it from your prospective and so emotionally.
Please don't let this book go unpublished. This story must be told.
Try your Angel cards and see what they tell you.
I wish you the best in life, with many years of happiness in front of you. You deserve it.

Hello, Janeta, I found your book extremely involving , touching and ,of course , very sad as it is primarily a story of profound hopes dashed , but it is always nice to know that there is a happy ending , though not with the child described . I certainly think you need an editor , but one only has to read the other comments here, to know that your book would have a very strong impact and that there is a readership for it. I wonder if you would have the time to take a look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon .

Hi Janeta,

I know I already you some comments on your book. Something drew me back, and I found myself reading all the way to the end.

I really hope you can get this book published. Your book has such emotional truth and you tell about something that people might only know about through lurid headlines - or may not know about at all. I'm glad for you, and for those enough fortunate to have read it, that you found the strength to write it. I'm glad to know that your family survived the ordeal and seem to be thriving.

I read some of the other comments, and I agree with the the one who suggested a co-writer. While the diary aspect brings us immediacy, there are just too many errors and confusing things that make commercial viability unlikely. I'm not sure how one would do this in England but perhaps there's a writer's organization that could set you up with someone. With the right person, you'd be able to retain your very unique and powerful "voice" and get out the story you want told.

I wish you, your husband and son all the best.
Andi Brown
Animal Cracker

Hi Janeta,

I've now had a chance to look at your book. It's very clear that this is work of heartfelt emotion and passion. One can't help but have sympathy for your family's plight.

I do have some concerns about the wriitng. The first thing that strikes me is the grammatical errors. Runon sentences are everwhere. That is, what should be two sentences you present as one, each "sentence" separated by a comma, where there should be a period. Example: ..."our social worker arrives first, she does..." And "M is hungry....I take her to McDonald's..." There should be a period after "distress." "It is my niece's birthday, she has a party..." There are also spellling mistakes, such as "bath" instead of "bathe." These errors make the reader stop short, taking her out of the story, and you don't want that.

There are also some cliches, such as "shaking like a leaf." Try to find fresh ways of describing things.

There was also something that confused me. You say that they are approved to adopt siblings, but then there's just M. I think that warrants an explanation.

Janeta, I am a big beliver in the writer's maxim "show, don't tell." I see lots of examples of "telling" which makes the writing bland. Example: For example, in the scene with the birth mother, instead of telling that she was abusive, show us. "The birth mother began to heap insults on my husband, calling him a wimp because he couldn't father a child, criticizing his haircut, and telling him he smelled like rotten eggs." Instead of describing M as "robotic and compliant" you might say "M dressed herself the same way every morning, socks first, then panties, followed by top and pants. I'd heard my friends tell of nightmarish bedtimes, the kids screaming to be allowed to stay up five more minutes. Not with M. She went right to bed, settling herself in with her stuffed animal, thumb in her mouth, sucking contentedly." You don't have to say "independent for one so young" because you showed us that nicely.

You have a powerful story to tell, and you need to get your writing in order to tell it well. I wish you much luck with this work, and thank you once again for backing Animal Cracker.


All my best,
Andi

Dear Janeta,

Reading chapter 2, it approves one if my local people's sayings, which goes like, "You have fallen from the frying pan to the fire". With adoption, one would expect the agony of childlessness to lessen, but instead, yours is the reverse - affirming right your book's title. Indeed, it is naivety to think that love would be enough.

Dear Janeta,

Your long pitch's "How naive we were to think that love would be enough. .................only years later our home became a prison," is a regressive curve that should captivate readers. If looked at in theistic worldviews, likewise John 3:16 God's love, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" has not saved the whole humanity. However, I guess, that is gist of your book, that reading should find it interesting.

I will read on.

Juliusb [Destined to Triumph]

Hey Janeta,
Your book looks really interesting. I am adopted, and I could call that a breakdown in many ways!!!
And yes, I can relate to being damaged before you are born. My adoption has greatly affected my life...
OMG, your story is AWESOME! I have 3 children myself, so I can relate to it as a mother... But also being adopted, and having adopted family members, I can see it from that side also....
I have only had time to read the first 3 chapters. It was very engaging.
I would like you to put in the names... Also, how did she take the chunks from her pine bed? By biting? And you don't talk much about your husband.
Wow, fantastic work. I will give you a top rating!
Thank you for sharing your story.
:)

my heart breaks a little everytime i read, my eyes are full of tears yet i can't stop. from start to finish i read non-stop.

Thank you xxxxxxxxxxxx

my heart breaks a little everytime i read, my eyes are full of tears yet i can't stop. from start to finish i read non-stop.

I agree with others who've commented that this is an important and impactful story, BUT... To me, the writing (pace/ plot, character development, dialogue, grammar, and punctuation) makes it not worth reading to the end.

I look forward to coming at it again after you re-work it with an editor. THANKS for sharing!

Cheri Moffitt

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH - Diary of an Adoption Breakdown / Janetta Potter

I read the entire book. I find I have to stop, re-collect my thoughts before I can type my comments. I have found this book most disturbing, for a host of reasons.

The writing here is mediocre. Meaning of course that the author is not experienced or previously pub'd etc,.. Of course she makes no claim to such, as she has simply transcribed a story from real-life experience. Much of this work was kept in diary format which lends to it's credibility as being recorded during the events that took place.

The manuscript is in need of editing badly. It is rough draft. There were hundreds of punctuation issues, missing words and other issues that at times, made for bumpy presentation, especially in a true-life story. Having said this, it is a compelling story about the exploits of a dedicated women, her plight to become a mother and the experiences that came as a result.

Many of the sentences are written as quick facts as opposed to literature or well-rounded thoughts or prose. I felt as if I was reading a term paper or English project by a tenth grade student that required the listing of details. I would go so far as to suggest that this writer add a team author to assist so that the importance of the story can find its true mark. It is an important story, and she can tell it, I'm just not sure in its present form it will be publishable without full-scale editing. I don;t think it is up to snuff for that.

Janeta is a passionate person. She portrays the moving story of how she felt the need to be a mum. I've no doubt of her genuine nature early-on, as it is one of the things she IS able to articulate very well in the story. It appears she was a lady in her thirties, caring, married and ready to begin a phase of family every person feels the need to embark upon. Distressed at not being able to conceive children, she and her husband make the conscious decision to adopt. It would appear in this instance that from that moment on, the Social Services system began failing her and never stopped. Her painstaking detail, many times repetitive, explain her frustrations at being distressed throughout the process. 13 years of trying to handle a child whom should have had a much different type of care, took her to the end of her rope so to speak.

It was apparent that author felt deeply about what she had written. At times however, I felt there could have been 'too much' emotion involved, causing a haste to encompass her writing. In many paragraphs, especially in the diary formnatted later chapters, she would simply reply to M as 'her' or 'she' w/o mention of the mention's name. This confirmed the level of frustration she was feeling in the matter, confirming also that the diary format was being kept in 'real time'.

It is hard not to be moved by this story. I do hope that the author does not misinterpret my above statements. (The author is a wonderfully talented poet by the way as is demonstrated again and again in the MSS) I think a story as powerful as this, filled with the torment that you no doubt endured, would be very hard to wrote well the first time around. That is why I suggested perhaps the assistance of a 'team writer'. I think it possible a 'disconnected' or 'uninvolved' person could help bring the writing back to a level more conducive with storytelling. I think it felt more like a 'rant' at times or 'venting'. While I would agree with most everything you wrote, this is not necessarily going to translate into publishable. Then again, I do not know your intention.

This is not an instructional work at all. It is about one family's plight to endure the failures of a social system that is obviously overchallenged with burden. It failed Mrs. Potter time and again. She documents this well but again, is not in 'novel' form, yet more like a complaint form being filled out.

I can't imagine the degree of difficulty the author must have faced in this thirteen year period. I don't imagine reading this story, the constant mention of the antics of M, her mischeif and behavior. The refusal of services to admit the Alcohol related influence / her birth mother and attend to proper ways to address these issues. Like you said in a lter chapter, I too, wondered 'what if' services had been made properly available to this child, would she have been different(?) The writing made it clear that she certainly rec'd the best possible effort she could have from a woman who set out to be a perfect mother.

This is personal. I would email but this is a real-life memoir so here it goes. I too, adopted a child as a young man here in Georgia (US). He was a troubled child, one known to me prior to, which gave me some insight into what I was taking on. A teenager, he had gotten into many similar troubles such as M and was a handful. Ironically, I was already a single-dad of a boy I had raised alone since toddler age. So, please believe me when I say I 'felt' your frustration. While my own situation turned out more positive, i was able to relate very well.

This is a captivating story and its importance should not be undervalued simply because i have critisized the writing. A clean-up edit, perhaps some introduction of other's prospective in the story (social workers, hubby, children POV perhaps(?) would make it more appealing I would think.

I do wish you the very best with it. Desire to help others, courage and genuine heartfelt emotions are evident here. It would be nice to see this story published so as to take a step in the direction of preventing this result from happening to others, which appears to be your #1 motivator and is noble.

My best to you

I read through two chapters of this without stopping. As a mother of a three-year-old it was very interesting reading about your difficulties with an adopted child of a similar age (it puts some of his behaviour into perspective!). It's also very interesting and illuminating about the adoption process. A friend was recently thinking of adopting, and decided against it - for precisely the same reasons that you seem to have discovered the hard way.

I feel that this still needs a lot of editing. There are places where the tense moves around, or when a sentence needs smoothing out, or an event fleshing out a little - but I think this could be a valuable book for people in a similar situation to yours, and a very interesting one to those who aren't.

Anna
Angelwings

I only intended to read a chapter or this but read right through to the end in one sitting. It is a very moving and heartbreaking account and I am so sorry to hear of all the pain to you, your family, and also poor M. You probably don't need any critique in the sense of your writing, as you say it was mainly a cathartic experience, but IF you did want some, I have to say the line (both in the pitch and at the end of the book) 'Love is not enough.support is everything!' seemed a bit of a throwaway line. It just seemed out of place. I think I know what you mean, in the sense of not having the right support from the authorities, but to say support is 'EVERYTHING' seemed a bit too strong. (That's not a comment on your handling of things, simply on that one line!)

It feels really odd to be plunged so deeply into the life of someone I don't know. Words of comfort seem a bit trite. If you were right beside me right now I'd give you a hug and say thanks for sharing your story.

Janeta, I've skimmed through your book but can't bring myself to go back and read it in full. It's a wonderful book, soulfully told; terrible, terrible story. I feel so badly.

I wish you the best.

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

Janeta,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however comes in two forms. First there is the diary-like style in which the plot unfolds. Concrete, descriptive language that has journalistic objectivity, told in a matter of fact style....

.....with ruthless efficiency spread all over.

Then there is the tone of urgency the narrative acquires, from moment to moment, as the events unfold, all of it creating an eery, ominous sense, the feeling that something awful is about to happen....

and that is what makes your narrative work

david

Your writing is honest and truthful. A close friend of mine adopted two children and her life like yours has been extremely difficult with behavioural issues, learning difficulties and attachment disorder. I am pleased you have had lots of support from friends and family and able to enjoy life now. This is an important book for social workers and prospective adoptive parents, the insights you share are valuable for both parties.
Best Wishes.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

Hi Janeta, I was so moved by your book. The pain you have experienced comes through so much, and I hope what you have written will help other people either to deal with their own lives or make choices to prevent such dreadful foetal effects occurring.

I wish you all the best (for your book, and for you personally).
Clare Morris
The Cloud Drivers: The Giant's Storm

I know this isn't a professional or polished book but it is so painfully true that I read right to the end. I won't say anything about the writing style or the sstructure, someone can easily help with this. The main thing is that you're writing from the heart and it shows. Foetal alcohol syndrome is a dreadful affliction for all those concerned. I am sure you did brilliantly under the circumstances and for so long. Luckily you didn't take the sister. What dreadful things lie ahead for M's children. My sympathies and support to you. Rosalind
GOOD FOR HIM

This is really great, heartfelt, real life narrative, but it feels like a first draft. ch 1 2nd paragraph lacks an object, a few other sentences are a bit clunky, but the main problem is it rambles. ch 2 'the rest of the holidy is uneventful but pleasant' just doesn't need to be there. this is more the language of a holiday postcard than a book any stranger would want to read. These are small problems, easily fixed and will make your good book much better. Hope this helps, and good luck with it..

Thank you for your comments. The reason I know that she had a snuffey nose from the photo was because her nose was snuffly and snotty in the photo, it wasn't a very flattering photo considering it was sent to us before we met her, but she was still the most beautiful child in the world to me.

My story is being proof read at the moment and I will amend where necessary. Thank you keeping me in your watch list and I hope that soon you will deem it worthy of backing.

Best wishes

Jan

B

I so wanted to read this from the long pitch it looked my sort of read and I am sure it will be after a little edit. It is a beautifully moving story and you have had to be pretty brave to survive the emotional trauma of it all. I see a lot of your comments are just on the story and I agree with them about how good it is but you do need to look beyond that if you want to get published.
Within the first two paragraphs you spell every one instead of everyone (one word) this throws the reader out and an editor would not bother reading too much further. You need to take a look at some of your lines. This is an important moment in your lives. Get rid of the ands also and that’s it has more emotion, more impact without, they slow it down
Parra that starts:-The waiting is nerve RACKING (o wracking)........I watch the phone it’s all I can focus on.....it rings......We have been chosen.
The waiting is nerve racking. I stare at the phone. It’s all I can focus on, with my heart thudding in my chest, I pick up the phone... I wait ...Oh lord it’s us, we’ve been chosen.
We are so happy and excited; heaven knows how we will get to sleep tonight.
We are so happy, excited, heaven knows how we’ll sleep tonight.
I also feel very sad for the other couple who have lost out. They must been
I feel sorry for the couple who lost out. They must have been (missing -HAVE )
The weeks do not pass quick enough. At last tomorrow is the day that we meet our new daughter.
The weeks do not pass QUICKLY enough. Tomorrow is the day we meet our new daughter.
Question -How would you know she has a snuffley nose from a photo?
You have some wonderfully moving lines like: - Her little hand is all lovely and warm in mine. It creates a beautiful picture.
I am going to leave you on my watch list and pop back from time to time to see how you’re doing and read more of your lovely story. I hope you are not offended by my comments. I mean well.
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley

I'm not going to comment on the writing, just the story. I listened to a similar story over Christmas. A friend of mine works with damaged children, and the stories she tells me makes my blood curdle. I think you're right, love is not always enough. We all think it is, and for normal children, it possibly is. I always thought a child under 3 would be okay, but deep psycological damage it seems, is irrepairable. A family of four children were given up on Christmas eve after having the children for years and keeping them together. Loving them as their own. I really don't know who to feel sorry for more, the kids or the adoptive parents' I think they've all suffered to some extent, but after putting in so much work, giving up a life for these kids, sometimes, you have to know when to quit.

We thought of fostering, but I know I couldn't handle all the heartbreak. In some ways, I think I would be quite good at it, but I don't think I'm strong enough now.

Good luck and best wishes
Sue

well written. i am taking the time to back this book again under the new system. merry Christmas,
j

I have not yet read all of this book but what I have read only makes me want to read more. It is a subject that not many of us think about and if we do it is always the nice side of adoption. Please publish this book so that me and others can read it in our own time.
LesleyD

very compeling reading i would buy this book

I'd buy this book! I couldn't stop reading from start to finish - very powerful!

Wow, once I started I couldn't stop until I got to the end. I feel for you as this must have been a real gut-wrenching experience. We all have bad days with our kids but reading a story like this makes you realise that actually it's not as bad as you think when you see what people like you go through. It is made all the worse for the fact that this all began out of your desire to love and nurture another human being. I wish you every happiness for your family's future.

Backed with pleasure

Clare
A Policeman's Lot

This is one of them book's you feel , , it show's the work you put into it ,good luck and I do admire you very much for what you tryed to do


Terry Maru

I'll def be backing you miss (:

Fresh style, it delivers the emotions very directly - punches them in! I like it and back it...Wonder whether changing M to a real name - any name - would help...I think it would make for a smoother sort of read, without affecting any of the message you're trying to convey...

I think something is wrong with authonomy this morning because i can't read passed your first chapter for some reason, but i definitely intend to come back for more...Backed

~T

Janeta,
I wanted to tell you that I find your synopsis for "Love is not enough. . ." very intriguing and my hope and expectation is to read your material very soon. With a limited amount of shelf space and the implementation of the new guidelines, you've no doubt discovered, as I have, that each decision to back a book is more challenging than ever. I do hope your work gets all the attention it deserves. Good luck and best wishes.
D. K. WILLIS
THE THIEF ON THE CROSS

I had to read the whole book, it is so moving and I can identify with alot of your feelings. You are a brilliant mum and even more so now I have read your book.

This is one of the most amazing books I have read in a long time. I really feel for you and your family, Janeta. and I must admit that I really felt for M too, despite what she put you through. I feel she must have been desperately mixed up and unhappy - but the human heart can only take so much and the damage was done long before you gave her your heart. I was in care and fostered as a child, and despite good and caring foster -parents, I never felt I truly belonged. Only now I'm a mum myself, do I appreciate how much I was given. Good luck and every happiness for the future. Have backed your book with pleasure, and on watch-list.

Kate Grimes - LIZZIE

I am not really a big reader but I couldn't stop with Love is not enough!
Brilliant book, heart-breaking at times but brilliant!
Really deserves to get published!

had a lump in my throat the whole time i read this book and a few tears too. Wishing all 3 of you luck and luck its so deserved.x

Couldn't go to bed until I had finished reading this!!!!! You are an inspiration to any mother!!!!! Dont ever doubt your own abilities!!!!!

An excellent read. Once started, continued to the end.. Backed..x

An excellent read. Once started, continued to the end.. Backed..x

This is a blood-chilling cautionary tale. I back it for the contents.

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

I've learned new things I didn't know before from this story - disturbing things, but I liked the read. Backed.

Thank you for accepting my request to swap reads! Hope you will forgive me for not doing it yesterday. Anyway, I would be happy to read yours first. Hopefully you will enjoy mine as much as I have enjoyed yours. Your story is emotionally gripping. It definitely keeps the reader interested and ready for the next line. The writing itself is smooth and easy to read. And I love the poem!
Backed with pleasure!
~Richard
Twin Fates

Boy, do you make us feel your joy, even when we know it cannot last. It's almost heartbreaking all by itself - the fulfilment of dreams, the anticipation, the hope. The first real warning comes before meeting the mother, 'not to let slip where we live or work'. Even though it wasn't funny, I have to laugh at, 'On my God, she is going to head butt me!', then at the remark about the pub. You do have a wicked sense of humour, Janeta, which is probably just as well.

Other warning signs are M's ability to manipulate, plus her lack of response when a fight breaks out. Then the little madam makes her announcement at the hospital (and a grin about the crack about the Macdonald's). There's a detachment about M, and we have to wonder, when the subject of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is mentioned, whether there could be any connection. Such a profound moment follows her operation: 'This is the closest I have ever been, and sadly ever will be to M'.

Baby R comes onto the scene (another quip about the boyfriend's neck). I'm not surprised, being the cynic I am, when M starts sneakily hitting the baby. Children can be such primitive creatures, and here is a cuckoo in her nest. Her destructiveness continues as does the stealing. Meanwhile, R turns out to have significant health problems.

Remarkable honesty in this true story of the perils as well as the joys of adoption. It can be even more of a lottery than having natural children as there are so many unknown and uncontrollable factors at play, especially self-abuse by the birth mother causing long-term damage to the baby. A difficult account emotionally, but written with verve and clarity. There are typos here and there, but these would be tidied up by an editor. It's the true story that counts, and the courage and candour of the teller ... backed.

What a touching, honest account. How very brave of you to put this to paper. I hope this story gets out there, if only to help other parents going through similar things. Best of luck.
Elsie
The Ultimate Choice

A sad true story. You skillfully captured my attention, and then my heart. Realistic settings. Relatable characters. Accomplished storytelling with deep undercurrents. A riveting read. Backed.