Wind Gods

Yvon! Wow! I have known you now for how long??? I think it has been 11 or twelve years. You never cease to amaze me with your never ending talent. I love this! I am far from being a literary specialist but as a fantsy lover as well as science fiction, this is an awesome story. I will definately be passing this story on to my friends and family as a must read. I have added this to my watchlist. I hope to someday see you fully published somewhere and I am sure that it WILL happen. You have such great passion inside you and to me it shows very strongly. Your mind is just a magnificant playground. The creativeness beams from your hands onto the pages of your books. Countless times I have been held captive by your work. You are a truly amazing individual. I know I sound like a big suck up here folks but I am here to tell you there is so much more to this woman than you can see from this one piece of work. Please keep it coming Yvon! Show the world just how great you are and can be.

Dusky

Hi Yvon, I really hope you don't think i was just being critical. i think Wind Gods is excellent- astute and prescient in many ways. My reason for suggesting that you change the line is that if a reader like me is taken out of the created world by a phrase which sets off resonances with a life outside the novel, it is firendish difficult to get her back within your world. I think it's hardest of all with fantasy where we have to ask our readers to live within and create with us worlds as ephemeral as soap bubbles. i find it terribly difficult and i know that I don't get it right all the time- you know the moments- it would be convenient to sit your characters down to a meal and then you have to think -do they sit? What do they eat? what do they eat with? Do they pray before eating? To whom or what do they pray? One thing which doesn't ring true and the bubble bursts- Chick lit must be so much easier- or history where the information exists!
If uou get time to read a bit of Sim I'd really appreciate it- I'm very much a fantasy novice - didn't set out to write one but it went that way - and as i admire your expertise with the genre I know your thoughts on my work would be hugely valuable.
Jak

Hi Yvon! Ariom Dahl sent me here, and after two good recommendations in a row from her, I am officially in her debt.

This is a wonderfully imagined and described world that raises the important question of HOW HIGH A PRICE are people willing to pay for comfort and ease? In the prologue, we see the bitterness and loss of the "fall" -- the Winarch are the stuff of children's most dearly loved fantasies, and the Despoilers that drove the Wind Gods away have a blighted name, that is, with some nice foreshadowing, equated to an unjust racial slur. But as we hear a little more about magic from Gran, suddenly it doesn't seem like quite as perfect a life as we would have imagined. And then when we go into the past to follow the real story of the Despoilers, the world we discover takes a sharp turn for the worse...

Witton felt very real to me, and the fact that reading is banned so RELENTLESSLY gives you a nice filter not only to show the "soft" hand of oppression (and one that is only going to become more suffocating as subsequent generations necessarily grow more and more ignorant) but to describe what makes Trell, Quade, Rica, and Aylis unique. We know not only that they're intelligent, we know they've got enough gumption to rebel, if only quietly. When the horror of Rica's abduction spurs Trell and Quade to action, although we know that they're seriously outclassed in terms of raw power, we also know enough about them to suspect that they might be able to find the resources to pull off their quest -- because a quest is what it's looking like it will be. (Heh heh...and I *do* love a quest, in company I think with a LOT of readers!) Breen's suggestion that Trell has some unsuspected magic powers gives us a little more hope -- but the odds are still long.

The prologue is well-written and interesting, with some nice character touches about Pirim and her interactions with her friends (and poor Daran), and of course it gives us a lot of background information about the Wind Gods (and the initial suspicions that maybe magic isn't all it's cracked up to be). However, it also delays the real start of the story, and it removes some of the suspense involved in the quest (it's hard to doubt that it'll be successful). It feels a bit like it might be (I've only read through ch. 4, so this is a guess) a framing device bracketing the story -- IF this is the case, you might consider eliminating it. However, if these characters have more of a critical role in the quest-story itself...never mind! As for the issue of the background info we get in the prologue, for myself, I usually enjoy learning about the world that a fantasy book has created as I'm going through it, and I think there's more than enough information demonstrated through the action starting in chapter 2 to keep me properly situated in the reality of everything without getting confused (and with much more, I'm sure, to learn as I go forward). But, that's a taste issue -- some people like more world explanation up-front!

Anyway, well done! And I'll be back more to read later when I get some time freed up -- and best of luck!!

If you love quest stories, and stories with interesting characters, you must read this book!! I'm not generally a fan of fantasy stories, but this one is original and clever. You won't figure out exactly what's going on till the very last chapter, and it's well worth the adventure!

Hi
You're on my watch list if you would care to exchange reads.
Abel kane
The Alchemsis' Cookbook

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Hi Yvon,
hey, you've cherry picked my comments- that's so great.

I'm asking you a huge favour- and one which is deeply out of character- i wonder whether you'd have time to look at Sim this week? it is slipping really badly today. i'm not asking you to shelve- but I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Dear Yvon,
You have a wonderful story here that reads like a fable. It has the makings of a very imaginative and interesting story. I like Pirim, she feels quite real as does the grandmother and I look forward to reading more.
I will place your book on my shelf because I liked the world of magical realism/ fantasy you're creating here.
Take care and I wish you all the best with it.
Annia ;-)

hi Yvon
I've had your book on my watchlist for weeks! Sorry to have taken so long in getting back to you.
I read chapter one and for the most part, really enjoyed it. I wouldn't say I was totally engaged in the first part of the chapter, bits stood out here and there, but as soon as Pirim was talking to her grandmother I was hooked. I wonder if you started at the right place, or if this was just me?
What I particularly liked about this was the relationship between nature and human, and that Pirim almost, or does, have an actual sexual reaction to it. It's like you are touching upon a core subject, some part within us all that is born of nature, made of nature and will always be so.
I liked the mystical nature to this a lot and I think this has a lot of potential.
In terms of specifics, I got a little confused with the names of the characters in ch 1. As I said, perhaps the first half could be quickened or we enter at a different point. There was some telling, not showing, when you introduce her grandmother, and there was a pov change to the wiffy boy, which stood out a bit. Am assuming this chapter is intended to be solely from one pov, so this jarred. When the grandmother introduced the history lesson, i have to say I groaned too! Maybe just me, but when someone announces they are going to give me a history lesson, just like Pirim, I can think of far more interesting things I want to do! It actually did get interesting but i found my attention wavering at the start. i feel rather than have her say 'here's a history lesson' and then your character also groaning at the thought, couldn't this lesson be weaved more naturally into the plot? Say Pirim finds the box in her room or something? Just a thought - about how to make this more seamless.
I liked her relationship with the grandmother. Seems to bode well. Reminds me of Angels and how Lizzie meets her grandmother who teaches her many things about life and love.
Anyway, liked this a lot. Temporary shelf space.
Hannah

Hi AJK here... Sorry but locked out of site so here i am under this name til sorted. Thanks for your comments and as soon as im back on i will read yours!! I cant back or anything under this name!

Dear Yvon,
I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read Fish Tail Mountain and that it left you with good impressions. Your comments are very kind and I appreciate them.
I read your profile and it sounds like you're a truly fascinating person, energetic and positive! I also read your pitch and have watchlisted your book, which I look forward to reading.
Thank you once again for your support. I shall go to bed smiling.
Take care,
Annia ;-)

Hi Yvon. Thanks so much for your lovely comments on King's Envoy. I do intend to read right through Wind Gods and give you some more feedback but it takes me a while because I have no way of downloading it so have to read off the laptop. But I will get there eventually!

Yvon
Both your book and your profile seem fascinating. Have watchlisted so I can come back and enjoy.
Hannah

Hi Yvon, thanks for sending Ariom my way, I think she is going to read King's Envoy. Thanks also for the link to Half-Horse corner, I will certainly read book one. Your explanation of your fascination with horses made me smile because I did exactly the same thing as a girl. I used to 'gallop' round the lanes at home, pretending to be a horse. I even taught myself to whinny...imaging my delight one day when a real horse, being ridden close by, whinnied back! His rider was most surprised. I was fortunate enough to own my own horse a few years ago and even taught him to carriage-drive. I don't have one now so I try and ride other people's. Much less expensive! But my deep love remains and you will see how my books are full of horses.

Hi Dusky. I have to admit, I am one for hiding my light under a bushel. I think I never sent you Wind Gods to read because you were such a busy lady, with young children and your studies and everything. But I guessed you might enjoy it as I've always known that you like fantasy as well as science fiction. Thank you for your lovely comments and I do hope that anyone you direct to my book will enjoy it.
I am thinking about uploading another story... I just can't decide which one!

Hi Jak, No I didn't think you were being critical. I appreciated your comment and did have a good think about it. I totally agree with you that the soap bubble worlds we create can be burst with too many inconsistencies. The worlds have to be believable in all the little ways that matter. I have such a clear image in my mind of the worlds I write in and the characters and how they live in them, that it's like I'm writing from a movie I'm watching. This does make it easier to figure out what the characters are going to sit on and what they'll eat when meal time comes! I've also got a pretty good idea of the culture they live in and their backgrounds. Therefore I feel that if someone does stumble across a badly turned phase the world is sturdy enough to survive it. What do you think?
I am looking forward to reading Sim. You've had such a lot of really positive comment on it. It may take a wee while before I get to it but I won't forget.

Yvon! Wow! I have known you now for how long??? I think it has been 11 or twelve years. You never cease to amaze me with your never ending talent. I love this! I am far from being a literary specialist but as a fantsy lover as well as science fiction, this is an awesome story. I will definately be passing this story on to my friends and family as a must read. I have added this to my watchlist. I hope to someday see you fully published somewhere and I am sure that it WILL happen. You have such great passion inside you and to me it shows very strongly. Your mind is just a magnificant playground. The creativeness beams from your hands onto the pages of your books. Countless times I have been held captive by your work. You are a truly amazing individual. I know I sound like a big suck up here folks but I am here to tell you there is so much more to this woman than you can see from this one piece of work. Please keep it coming Yvon! Show the world just how great you are and can be.

Dusky

Hi Yvon, I really hope you don't think i was just being critical. i think Wind Gods is excellent- astute and prescient in many ways. My reason for suggesting that you change the line is that if a reader like me is taken out of the created world by a phrase which sets off resonances with a life outside the novel, it is firendish difficult to get her back within your world. I think it's hardest of all with fantasy where we have to ask our readers to live within and create with us worlds as ephemeral as soap bubbles. i find it terribly difficult and i know that I don't get it right all the time- you know the moments- it would be convenient to sit your characters down to a meal and then you have to think -do they sit? What do they eat? what do they eat with? Do they pray before eating? To whom or what do they pray? One thing which doesn't ring true and the bubble bursts- Chick lit must be so much easier- or history where the information exists!
If uou get time to read a bit of Sim I'd really appreciate it- I'm very much a fantasy novice - didn't set out to write one but it went that way - and as i admire your expertise with the genre I know your thoughts on my work would be hugely valuable.
Jak

Yvon, thank you so much for your lovely comments and also for bookshelving 'King's Envoy', all very much appreciated. I am fascinated by your ‘quinolan’ as I have never heard the word before. Is it your own word? And what is a half-horse, I take it you don’t mean a centaur? With my love of all things equine (I am a riding instructor) it sounds like the sort of story I would love to read. Are you going to put it up here?

Hi Yvon, thanks for your forum welcome. I have watchlisted your book and read the first few pages. So far I quite like the contrast between the prologue and the real start of the story; as a reader, you think you're in one place and then you find you're not. Just shows you how easy it is to form preconceptions! I will read more later and hopefully make some more detailed comments. I hope you get a chance to cast your eye over 'King's Envoy' some time.
Cheers, Cas.

Hi Yvon, I've just finished reading chapter 5 of this fascinating book. It is great to read fantasy based on such an intelligent and fully realised premise. It is clear that you have done all the background thinking(which is, I suppose, the same as external research in other genres) so that everything here hangs together entirely coherently. I thought the first chapter was particularly strong- I have seldom read such a realistic portrayel of children's play and language- reminded me of the rescreeening of Blue Remembered Hills last year. i also vert much liked the clean, spareness of your language, particularly once you'd got properly into your stride by the third chapter. My only adverse comment is that you have to remember that there are extremely juvenile and smutty minded eternal adolescents like me out here so I didn't think it was terribly wise to follow that beautiful paragraph on burgeoning sexual awareness in the first chapter with 'Today they did not come' That is a small quibble but it did mar the fabulous atmosphere which you created so eloquently. I'm going to clear a space so i can watchlist this and read a couple more chapters. Have you read Tyranny of the Blood by Jo Reed yet? - utterly brilliant but entirely different fantasy to yours. i think you'd enjoy it. jak

Hi Yvon, I don't read much fantasy but this has lovely qualities. I love the way things are revealed thru the children's games, very subtle and charming. I'd like to come back and read more. Ali.

Hello Kate. Thank you for taking the time to read the opening chapters of Wind Gods and for your comprehensive comments. I do agree that the Prologue slows what seems to be the 'proper' start to the story, but there is a reason for it, as people will discover if they get to the epilogue! There is also a reason why the success of the quest in the body of the story is far from the sure thing it might appear to be, so if you get a chance, please do keep reading.

Hello Kate. Thank you for taking the time to read the opening chapters of Wind Gods and for your comprehensive comments. I do agree that the Prologue slows what seems to be the 'proper' start to the story, but there is a reason for it, as people will discover if they get to the epilogue! There is also a reason why the success of the quest in the body of the story is far from the sure thing it might appear to be, so if you get a chance, please do keep reading.

Hi Yvon! Ariom Dahl sent me here, and after two good recommendations in a row from her, I am officially in her debt.

This is a wonderfully imagined and described world that raises the important question of HOW HIGH A PRICE are people willing to pay for comfort and ease? In the prologue, we see the bitterness and loss of the "fall" -- the Winarch are the stuff of children's most dearly loved fantasies, and the Despoilers that drove the Wind Gods away have a blighted name, that is, with some nice foreshadowing, equated to an unjust racial slur. But as we hear a little more about magic from Gran, suddenly it doesn't seem like quite as perfect a life as we would have imagined. And then when we go into the past to follow the real story of the Despoilers, the world we discover takes a sharp turn for the worse...

Witton felt very real to me, and the fact that reading is banned so RELENTLESSLY gives you a nice filter not only to show the "soft" hand of oppression (and one that is only going to become more suffocating as subsequent generations necessarily grow more and more ignorant) but to describe what makes Trell, Quade, Rica, and Aylis unique. We know not only that they're intelligent, we know they've got enough gumption to rebel, if only quietly. When the horror of Rica's abduction spurs Trell and Quade to action, although we know that they're seriously outclassed in terms of raw power, we also know enough about them to suspect that they might be able to find the resources to pull off their quest -- because a quest is what it's looking like it will be. (Heh heh...and I *do* love a quest, in company I think with a LOT of readers!) Breen's suggestion that Trell has some unsuspected magic powers gives us a little more hope -- but the odds are still long.

The prologue is well-written and interesting, with some nice character touches about Pirim and her interactions with her friends (and poor Daran), and of course it gives us a lot of background information about the Wind Gods (and the initial suspicions that maybe magic isn't all it's cracked up to be). However, it also delays the real start of the story, and it removes some of the suspense involved in the quest (it's hard to doubt that it'll be successful). It feels a bit like it might be (I've only read through ch. 4, so this is a guess) a framing device bracketing the story -- IF this is the case, you might consider eliminating it. However, if these characters have more of a critical role in the quest-story itself...never mind! As for the issue of the background info we get in the prologue, for myself, I usually enjoy learning about the world that a fantasy book has created as I'm going through it, and I think there's more than enough information demonstrated through the action starting in chapter 2 to keep me properly situated in the reality of everything without getting confused (and with much more, I'm sure, to learn as I go forward). But, that's a taste issue -- some people like more world explanation up-front!

Anyway, well done! And I'll be back more to read later when I get some time freed up -- and best of luck!!

Hello Yvon
Glad to see Wind Gods on line! Great story, hope it does really well - as it thoroughly deserves. The characters are a delight.

Hi Patty, I have noted your comments. I'll look into the things you mentioned. Yes the Proglogue is necessary. It's part of the story.

Yvon,

Had a look at the first chapter.

This draws me in much more than the prologue. You have anactive scene, where something is happening, and which is not slowed down with adjective-laden description. I like this!

Two suggestions:

I think you might want to choose a clear POV character, because at the moment you hop heads, and I'm not sure which character I'm supposed to be following.

You might want to name 'the young man' because I was getting confused who was speaking.

Yvon,

Have looked at the prologue. I liked the one-line pitch.

I'm not sure you start the book in the right place. It feels like you're showing us how the characters go through their normal life and in this way, you're showing us what their world is like. However, what is lost in that approach is tension. Readers are fickle creatures and want something to sink their teeth into. I need more that day-to-day infodumping to keep me interested. Question: do you even need the prologue? I'll have a look at chapter 1 to see if this has a better hook.

I also think that you could be more economical with words. Starting with the first paragraph, I notice heavy use of adjectives, and long winding sentences. From this, I had the feeling that the character was somewhere in the vicinity of 50 years old, but later I find out that she's a teenager. I think I'd want something more breezy as a teenager's voice.

Hello Dale. Yes the cover has disappeared. I made some changes to it when I realised that although it looks good in full size, the postage stamp version was hard to see. I uploaded the altered version and that was the last I saw of it. I guess it's still being approved.

Hi Patty, your stories look good. I am definitely going to check them out.

Hi ya, Yvon, have watchlisted and will get back to have a read. On my watchlist 'Wind Gods' has a great cover but it's not showing here, weird.

Yvon,

I'll have a look at this within the next few days. I also write SF (and am a fellow Aussie).

Wow, comments already and I've only just uploaded the book. I am very pleased. JehniT and Narrelle, thank you for your observations. Robert, thank you also for yours. I agree that it is important to set the scene, but I chose not to do it right at the beginning. The world is explained as the story unfolds. I look forward to reading your book. I had a look and it sounds interesting. Though I'm not good at writing them, I do enjoy reading dark stories.
Slush Prince. Thank you so much for pointing out that I started the book with an Epilogue. Yike. Silly mistake when I was uploading the chapters and adding the titles. Like a typo that you overlook a dozen times I just didn't notice it. Thank you also for your comments. I have taken note of them.

1. Pitch is a bit leaden. I was starting to be taken in until the word accessed came up. You need to re-jig this, especially para 2. And there are too many Ands.

As always you start with 100%, lose 5%.

2. Er, Epilogue? I'm at the start of your book.....

3. Richly beautiful? The first para is nice but could benefit from less adjectives. Lose 1% and gain the niggling feeling that all is not as it should be.

4. Para 3. More adjectives. Hmmm. Lose 1% again

5. Brushing back her shoulder length brown hair. OK, you dodged her finding a mirror but it doesn't quite sit right in para 4.

6. Her best friend Gwellin. Not quite an As you know bob, but the only person who is benefiting from the info dump is the reader, and hey, I've just noticed you actively labelling the second character in your book as a best friend. Lose 1%

7. "They had just reached... and Pirim had climbed ...out of town". How many words are there in that sentence? I took a slight breath and had to re-read it. Lose 2%

8. He glanced at the brown haired blue eyed girl. Correct, you just discreetly slipped in the first details of what Pirim looks like in the right place.

9. Wiffy kid says "They did not, don't say things like that." I think he might well say something harsher, or different. Also that para could benefit from judicial use of commas. Lose 2%

10. Hmmm Slim, energetic grandma. At this point, despite clever you having limited infodump enough to the bare bones, and fairly good use of language, I'm wondering where this book is going. You started with some action, and have just recently had a wiffy bullying incident. If this was pushed for YA I'd give you 50 / 50 the kid would probably have put it back on the shelf.

11. OK, Granny just gave a massive infodump (!) that partially improved through the remainder of chapter 1, lose 15%. My toes are curling slightly at the kid getting her own dagger and cloak etc.

12. Chapter 2. Scans fairly well down the page, but not particularly interesting. I caught myself skimming unfortunately. I've lost track of Rica or Aylis, and someone is howling ? Trell? Quade? Lose 10%.

13. OK, your book is back on the shelf, and I'm thinking that your book probably doesn't start where you think it starts. I'm also reaching for book one of the belgariad to see how David Eddings initiates point in time plot development within a much slower arc. Possibly if you had dumped the prologue ( epilogue? ) I might have read further and had a different opinion. But you get the watchlist.

What I love best about this story is the way these people are rebelling when no-one else sees the need, because of the seductive power of getting an easy life when you don't look at how it got that easy. Distinctive characters, interesting moral questions posed and explored, and the fascinating group dynamics of very different people brought together by an ideal. You gotta love that. Plus there are landscapes, cultures and magics to explore, so there's never a dull moment.

If you love quest stories, and stories with interesting characters, you must read this book!! I'm not generally a fan of fantasy stories, but this one is original and clever. You won't figure out exactly what's going on till the very last chapter, and it's well worth the adventure!