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action, adventure, historical fiction, romance, spiritual, supernatural
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Dear Jason,This is an imaginative and creative opening chapter. Walter is a complex character. You have an old fashioned, leisurely style of writing that I find very attractive. I will try to read more as time permits.BACKEDElizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)
Fascinating. I love the story and, in cases like this, I truly wish I could keep reading from the screen. But I can't, so my praise is based on the first chapter only. You have admirably captured the language of the day and imbue the reader with a sense of living in the past. I wish you luck with this book, although I'm certain you won't need it.Katy ChristieNo Man No Cry
I love action/adventures but when you throw in historical fiction and supernatural...wow what a combo, I had to read! You don't disappoint either! This has a great pace and some very engaging characters, Jonathan felt real to me, you developed him nicely. Your book played in my head like a movie so you got your scenes and descriptions down too. I was impressed by this, I felt like I learned a little something which is always nice with histroical books! This was great and you did a really awesome job on it.Missy
Well, I love a good mystery and you've certainly created one here with the crate, the desk, the map, the artifact, the Book of Myth and Lore, the Viata and the menacing Mr. Ross--not to mention the surname Cornwallis. The time and places you've chosen for setting also add to the tension. America at this time was not only poised for a revolution, but most of it was unknown territory to Europeans, and France and England were rife with political intrigue. You carry the suspense exceptionally well, revealing one taunting clue after another as the reader moves along--no time to catch one's breath. A very exciting read. Backed.Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)
You have finely crafted a most interesting historical storyline and your use of imagery is excellent. Your adventure story is character rich and your character development of Jonathan is well done. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.Andrew BuransThe Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning
Jason,Jonathan's ability to traverse time and space by simply going to sleep makes for boundless potential. He is a sympathetic character, after all, and exciting to follow around to confront the challenges thrown his way. Your meticulous narrative gives your tale an introspective feel, full of backstory and descriptives. Thank you so much for the captivating read.Kenneth Edward LimThe Northg Korean
Hi Jason. Nice, terrific flow of story telling. Not a critic here, just a guy who appreciates a good read.sincerelyjimjack & charmian london
interesting piece of historical fantasyLynne EllisonThe Green Bronze Mirror
dear JasonI love the the period detail and these Cornwallis men are presumably related closely to suffolks General Cornwallis of the American war of Independence/Indian wars etc.His Eton/Cambridge background could also possibly be utilised for extra period colour. Arthur Conan Doyle has been mentioned in your comments and the appearance of the beast certainly reminded me of the Hound of the Baskervilles.Your writing style also perhaps borrows from Wilkie Collins.I wonder if you should switch to his narration method in the Moonstone. You have a limited third person narration but Collins used a series of first person narrators inthat. You could do the same with Walter, then Jonathan narrating and the whole linked with the letters you have already. Great period to write about with endless possibilities and no idea how it is all going to end. Once or twice your action scenes are slowed by introspection and dialogue eg Mary Ann's capture early on. However this is my favourite genre and easy to back.regardsBrianregardsBrian
Dear Jason,This is a powerful story which I believe demonstrates amazing potential. I have backed it on the strength of your synopsis and wish you much success and the best of luck with it.Backed with pleasureHelenThe Last Dream
A wonderful blend of drama and fantasy. Backed with pleasure. Sana
It has not shown up as backed by you but thanks for the comment.JasonGateway to the World of Light and Shadow
You've described the surroundings with detailed description that can easily be visualized. Old English romantic stories have always been a favorite of mine. Not sure if it's the Canadian roots in me that fascinates me to this era. You've got an exceptional piece of work here. I hope it does well.
Gateway to the World of Light and Shadow Jason Evans The idea of a collision occuring between the supernatural and material worlds is fascinating to me. I thought your pitches read well. Chapter one would not upload, despite several attempts, so I took a look at chapter two "On the Run". "YOU WILL TAKE IT AND SHUT UP IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!" I had to laugh at this - I guess arguing voices are the same in any time period! I think one of the strengths of your writing is that you manage to capture the flavour of your historical setting well. This was an effective chapter - an emotive one really, considering Walter's condition with the large hunting knife protruding from his body. (Tiny nit - last line - ". . . if he chooses to come . . ." - should the tense be altered? ". . . if he chose . . ."??) I found this chapter well written and absorbing. Good luck with your efforts.
Brilliant premise, brilliantly executed. A rich and absorbing historical adventure told with style. Well drawn characters. Interesting dialogue that evokes the era. Evocative narrative. Magnetic writing. A compelling read. Backed.
I do like this, and don't think the first two chapters are 'backstory' as such. The tone is good, and while you could always edit some unneccessary detail out, it would be a shame if you lost the flavour of the story by removing too much. I'll stick this on my shelf shortly.
Pretty long first chapter, but I stuck with it and I'm glad I did! Backing.CamilleCurse of the Golden Fly
It is such a rich and developed blend of history and fiction. Especially for an opening intro. You are going to do very well with this book!
Jason, strong storyline. clean prose. compelling main character.on my shelf.no macro quibbles at all. love the storyline. i could send only kudos, but have a thought about narrative voice that may strike a chord. if not, pls ignore. ;) i'm aware that historical fiction uses omniscient narration. anyway, here's my thought. maybe keep more in W's head? some sentences took me away from the story a tad. they seemed to come from a distant narrator. e.g, "In 18th c England no one would question the ..."all in all, great read.very best wishes, andy
Hi Jason, thank you for backing LONDON.Love your comments, if you have the chance.jim
Jason: do apologize for this spam comment but I did BACK your book. Though my book is currently on the Ed's Desk, I can still use your comments on my book before the end of this month. Thanks - cheers!JCThe Obergemau Key
Hi Jason. Fun stuff! Good consistent story flow, well developed structure. Love the genre, easy to disappear into your journey.blessings,jimjack & charmian london
My vote is to begin the work with Chapter 3. My comment is in response to your inquiry on Forum. Backed. Chuck
Thank you very much. I have been debating this for some time now. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. When your work is up I would be more than willing to return the favor in reading and commenting on any questions you may have.Thanks again,JasonGateway to the World of Light and Shadow
I am sure there is a thrilling story here but, alas, I didn't reach it. Your opening sentence: "It is fair to say that Walter Cornwallis turned a corner the day he made the decision to listen to his heart rather than commonsense" intrigued me greatly, but it was followed by several long scene-setting paragraphs -- the rest of the chapter, in fact -- where, as far as I could see, no corner-turning decision was made. Can you work into those opening paragraphs some stronger hint of it, to keep the reader's interest focused and deliver the promise made in the first line? The general rule is that the book should start when the story starts and, for me, that point is the ransoming of Mary Ann. Could you not rejig the first chapter to start with the drama of that? And then give us the back-story of the crate, letter and the map, while Walter is running through the back alleys?Grammatically, you have several rogue tenses, particularly in the first paragraph, that need regularising. But these are easily fixed. Your priority should be that first chapter. Good luck with it.
"The Book of Ancient Myth and Lore" would be very nice to have. Unfortunately, I am neither wealthy nor lucky. What is the unknown material that makes up the cover? Where did it come from and when did it first appear? You have me full of guessing. Up until this section, your first chapter was interesting with the crate and all, but this book and the map it deciphers makes it more and more intriguing. "The maps were left to lead this person to hidden gates on earth which would take them to the spirit world." Then, of course, there's the problem with Mr. Ross and if Walter wants his son to live he best give up the map. I'll be back to read more once I get a little more time. Backed for now.
You have a gifted imagination and the talent for putting it into the written word! Easy to back this one! LizThe Cheech Room
Gateway to the world of......Supernatural. Mysterious. Backed.TMN"NEVER LOSE..."
A rip-roaring return to the bodice ripping, swash buckling historical romance. Cracking stuff. Backed.
A map of the Americas and ten copies of a book evolve into a wonderful storyline. Backed
Hi Jason, A blend of mystery with this emigration to America. The artifacts and the map feel as emblematic of the time as the search for gold. Walter is a fascinating character and the intrigue with Ross begins to show in action. Jonathan is in America already? One thing - would Walter use the word "paranoid"? This promises to be a exciting story redolent of the time. Easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)
Dear JasonI would like to commend you on the skill you have applied, the imagination and the talent you have in writing this work of art of yours. I feel sure you feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also getting this book of your published and consider this book BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.Please take a moment to look, comment which is important to me, and back my book. if not that is OK alsoThe VERY best of luck to youDeniseThe Letter
Good storytelling and good narrative. Your writing style drew me into the story and intrigued me. Good details included and entertaining.
backed Aug. 9 :)Dear Jason, I love that you have shared your amazing story - historical, there's probably some fact in it. :) Thank you for bringing me there to experience what happened. :) My only suggestion would be to cut your longer paragraphs in 2 or more for an easier read. :) I've backed your book - hope you'll back my other memoir book, "Tell Me True Love Stories." :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)"He Love Me" backed. :)
This is an excellent read, I know because when I wanted to move on the wife would'nt let me, and she has a much better eye than me! Korvet The Chronos Gambit.
JasonGateway to the World of Light and Shadow - Well set up mystery in the style of good old story-telling. And a Treasure Island atmosphere, which brings great memories of wonderful hours steeped into another world. Jonathan's adventures make a compelling read. Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)
Gateway to the world of light and shadow is interesting to readBackedLenny Hayy (Like a dot on the horizon)
You have written your novel in a slightly old-fashioned, rather sedate manner, that few use these days. I think the biggest flaw, especially in your first chapter, is that the time-line wanders all over the place. For instance, the first time you referred to the map and artefact, Walter had not yet opened the crate, at least in my perception, and I was reading quite thoroughly at the time. Confusing your reader very often means losing your reader. 'They said I had to midnight' is another reference that confused me. I would suggest you make the time-line more direct, and incidentally, avoid the present tense of the first paragraph. Aside from that, you will make your manuscript more readable by breaking up the paragraphs a bit more, and maybe using more dialogue. There are several errors and typos I picked up, which I'll put in a separate message. Many of them seem to be because you're looking for a more impressive word when a simpler one would do the job, eg using 'whom' when it should be 'who.' I think you have a good story here, but it needs breaking down and simplifying. (This, of course, is just the opinion of another unpublished author.) Your book has the tone of a novel of the 19th Century, and I would not be altogether surprised if you told us, 'Joke. It's an old classic, and here you dare to criticise!' Previously backed. Marj.
I like this. It's compelling. I like the idea. I think the voice and style of the period in which the book is meant to be set are nearly perfect. I did hold my attention but I'm not going to back it.Here's why.It's not ready yet, IMO. There are, in the first pragraph, issues of proper tense (has and had need to be locked down) and some spelling concerns. Neither are deal breakers in themselves but, in the first paragrpah of a novel, even a good novel, they are harealds of a pattern that will, with repetition, take the reader right out of what is , otherwise, a good novel.Also, and this is dicey because I'm American and so many here aren't, there is the issue of SHOW vs TELL. Your opening few paragraphs are basically a prologue (something I don't perosnally mind, obviously) and they tell us a lot about what we should assume is our main character but they don't suck us into his world or into him. We are kept at arm's length.If you're going to use the prologue it's generally a good idea to have be brief (you did that; well done) and to have it either set a tone in time and place or show some VERY specific, often small event that has massive repercussions for the story at large.While you are hampered in this somewhat by the style you're emulating, I believe it's possible to give the reader all that set-up information in a way that sucks us right into your story which, as I said, is both fun and for the most part, pretty well-written.That said, from what I've read on these boards, in British literature right now, there is apparently less focus on SHOW vs TELL meaning that the British audiences are fine with a bot more TELLing than we yanks.If that is so, please disregard my comments about the approach used in your prologue.It really is quite good thus far but the few negatives would prevent me form buying it in a store and that is the criteria I use on Authonomy.Rack up a few more crits before making any changes beyond the grammatical and punctuational. If you spot trends in the negative comments, you may want to address the most prominent ones. If not, carry on as you've been doing and completely ignore anything I'm saying here.But i do like it. Quite a lot. I'll put it on the watchlist and check back in a while to see what's what.
This has the air Julees Verne or Conan Doyle in the historical fantasy adventures, no mobiles or internet, no beaming or warp speed, just human ingenuity at its best.
GATEWAY TO THE WORLD OF LIGHTThis is a good story. You obviously did a lot of research on this era before you ever touched a computer key and it shows in the way you’re able to instill such detail into your descriptions and your dialogue. Your characters are fleshed out well. Makes this a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio
Jason, Gateway to the World of Light and Shadow is a magical tale whose author's originality shines. The prose is many ways resembles classical literature with its intricate descriptions. I love having exact dates from history come up in a narrative as I've done the same thing in writing Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story. Backed.
A very intense and feisty read. Excellent.BACKED
This is shaping up well and I enjoyed what i read. I like the mix and the characters are intriguing.backed on behalf of Jim Darcy. Please take a look at The Firelord's Crown. Thank you! :)ps if you reply in your own comment box people will not see what you have put. It is better to go to their home page and message them there! :)
Thanks for the comments JD Revene. I will look at revising my pitch. I will also take another look at the transitions. I revised that particular section 4 times now to try and get the right flow. Will take another look. Also, thanks for the positive comments. My writing inspirations are the old classics and I have to admit that my style does reflect this. I just hope that others are able to enjoy it as well.Thanks,Jason
Jason,Interesting pitch. Two observations:--the supernatural aspect of the short pitch doesn't seem to be drawn out in the long; and--for the me the words 'mid level' towards the end of the long pitch struck a false note, they seemed somehow to modern.Anyway, probably just me.Into the work proper. I've just read the first chapter and it's great. The style is a little old-fashioned, but that sits well with the setting. Tensions builds nicely and you weave back-story into the telling.A couple of times the transition between past and present was a little jarring, especially the paragraph beginning 'At that moment an abrupt noise came from out on the street . . .', it took me a couple of reads to realise I was back in the Boston hotel room.Otherwise, though, a great read with tensions building all the way.Backed.