Between Darkness and Wonder

Chapters 1-3

The story is very intriguing and i look forward to seeing what becomes of the characters-it is easy to invest in them.

I feel a little lost without quotations marks around dialogue-are they speaking aloud or just thinking? At times, I don't realize there is a conversation going on.
There seem to be a lot of sentence fragments, especially in the prologue. This makes the reading feel choppy. While some fragments can be effective, too many in succession isn't. Some of these clauses can be added to the previous sentence with a comma for a better flow.
Be careful with words that have homonyms. ie "smelled of thunderstorms" instead of "smelt," which is melting metal.

Bee Love
Pouring the Cup

You have finely crafted a most unique and interesting storyline. Your Prologue sets the tone for your book well and I like your use of foreshadowing. Your work is character rich and your imaginative writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Carl, This is an enticing outset. The soldiers returning home with the atmosphere created and Waldron's envisioning of his arrival have a mesmerizing effect. In the midst of that, the coffin with the woman in it arouses the interest. There is a honing into the female investment right away. This is good descriptive writing that involves. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Good pitch, creative story that draws you in, the characters i like and the Askari are very good. The writing flows and the elements all come together very naturally.

Dear Carl
what a dilemma you present in your short pitch. and what an original story you present in your long pitch ....well done you have taken me your reader to want to read you whole book. This is such talent. then to keep your reader, well congrats. I do wish I had half the talent, ( not being a natural writer)
I have not read all your writing, but i do wish to support your climb so will back this now and possibly comment a bit further on.
BACKED by me for sure
I you would take time to comment on my book and if you feel so, back it. If not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

Needle tower thread ships and threads of glowing blue and white... One might respond with sew sew, but I thought the story you stitched together held up well. prologue seemed to run into the first chapter. it is not clear where the former ends and the latter begins. It might be wise to label chapters. Generally well written you might tighten up some of your syntax and constructions. I enjoyed four chapters

Backed

Scorselo

Good title. This looks to be a good story but the beginning is too long winded for me, could benefit with some more life, maybe dialogue or break up your paragraphs? very believable characters. But it is a genre I would like to read more of, and not the easiest. Yours could be better than it is by moving the story along? Backed for potential.

I enjoyed reading what you posted; it's rare to read fantasy written in such an elegant and literary style. You touch on the harsh and bitter details of a warrior's life that most novels in this genre merely gloss over. Your narrative is superb and the level of detail and research you did is apparent in this high quality sample. I can see this novel going far.

Between DARKNESS and WONDER

Backed.

TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

Tough choice. Are there any other options? What I read so far is well written. It is on my shelf, and I plan on getting back to it as time allows.

He had not noticed the sky fill up with cloud . . . I think it should be clouds.

Best of luck with this.

Mandi Oyster
Dacia Wolf & the Prophecy

BETWEEN DARKNESS AND WONDER
This is a good story. You’ve obviously spent a lot of time designing this fantasy world and it shows in the amount of detail you’re able to add to your settings and characters. Makes it feel as if it could be happening. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

pps, did you mean outweigh in your long pitch? :)

great promise here of a very good read. you have a well thought-out 'world' and the characters are consistent. did wonder about the swearing myself but, as you say, its hard to convey depth of emotion with an 'alien' word!
backed on behalf of Jim darcy. Please take a look at The Firelord's crown. thank you.
ps if you respond to comments in your own comment box people wont see what you have put. It is better to go to their home page and message them there. :)

DJ- thanks for the welcome and the comments! Hope you enjoy the rest!

Thank you. Could you explain 'jerky syle' a little please? I always aim to improve and take all the help I can. As for the swearing I think you might be right but couldn't think of another way to convey the character's response so dramatically or concisely. I shall head back to the drawing board on that one!

Intriguing epic fantasy. I love the thread-ships! Not so keen on the jerky style, but I'm guessing you're aiming to deliver your epic universe with resounding force. I didn't like the sudden intrusion of 'fuck' a few chapters in, because IMO you broke the epic spell with today's everyday language. Also, an interesting title. Backed.

Carl

Welcome to Authonomy and thank you for sharing your book. The opening was excellent, and I really got the depth of atmosphere as the caravan trudged through the snow. I loved the ending of the first chapter and the way it left a hook into the next. Will read more.

Backed. Simply very good writing.

DJ-The Lost Cactus