Fracture War: The Montana Crisis

Dear Eric
i have already followed your book, commented and backed, however i cannot find the backing so i want to do it again to make sure
the VERY best of luck with this good read
Denise
The Letter

Hi Eric, Kell is an interesting blend of intelligence and emotional sensitivity. The ravens following him before his dream also put him somewhere between paranormal and the practicality of military life. It's written so that he's very accessible while the international plot hovers. Very readable for the general audience. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Fantastic! it's awesome to read a book that takes place where i live! You've nailed it. I love your idea and you execute it perfectly. I love your writing style too, it's exciting and doesn't let up on the action. It's a scary and fascinating. Loved this.

Missy

Eric,
Fracture War: The Montana Crisis is a riveting thriller of tremendous imaginative depth. It resembles historical fiction with the chapter headings of exact dates in history. I did the same thing with several of my chapters in Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story. They serve as a quick reference to readers browsing the story. Backed with pleasure.

Eric:
You have a strong setup here in the pitch. Whether or not it's the case, the part I've read suggests to me you are either writing from personal experience or in-depth research. Either way, I think this is critical for a successful thriller. Seems you have all the requisite parts for an exciting ride!
Best of luck with this project.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Eric -

Fracture War: The Montana Crisis - The quote from Yeats pitches you novel eloquently, and I love ... Dreams are illustrations ... from the book your soul is writing about you ...
Your characters are introduced in fine detail, so the reader cares for them, and scenes are well prepared so it becomes easy to navigate the story and feel involved.
I would take out the last word in the very first paragraph, and in some instances a sentence would flow better omitting 'that'. I like the epic feel about this story.

Backed recently, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Eric: do apologize for this spam comment but I did BACK your book. Though my book is currently on the Ed's Desk, I can still use your comments on my book before the end of this month. Thanks - cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

Hi Eric, I read chapter one and was absorbed straight away. I liked the idea of the tele-prompters and the way you showed me the way round the world you have created. Strong charcters emerge from the beginning -- Drake, Kell, Sally Mae and Muheeb. It promises to be quite a ride. I'll read more soon.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

A good read thrrilling circumstances lead the reader in and fast

Gingernut

You are a fine writer, man. Plenty of details; it seems you have a thorough understanding of government and war. My only word of caution is that some people will read into this and make judgments about your political views. Ah, screw 'em, right? This a rocking read!
Aside from a few long-winded sentences, this is very good.

Dear Eric
i have already followed your book, commented and backed, however i cannot find the backing so i want to do it again to make sure
the VERY best of luck with this good read
Denise
The Letter

Dear Eric, I love your quotes most of all at the beginning of your prologue & each chapter - it was great that you used the Numbers scripture, too. :) Your pitch drew me in & then your deep quotes & your log in dates - the rest is history. :) Your paragraphs are nice & tight, as is your dialogue providing for an easy read. :) I've already backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir/testimony books. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

Eric, you have a well written, captivating story here. Obviously this won't appeal to everyone depending on their political leanings (and interest in this genre), but I think there is a real market for this type of book.

If you find an agent or publisher, please let me know.

Backed

Steven Lloyd
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE AND CHANGE

much attention to detail here, was easy for me to get into this story, I like the slightly futuristic approach

I promised Hart that I would post this up here after I sent her a reply.

Eric Mertz,
I was not expecting Fracture War--not at all what you have here. I like immensely that you have placed this on the cusp of current history--a little into the future, but not so far back that today is a mist of memory. In fact, I think you've given just enough time for today to be history. You've also set your story up with meticulous detail. I kept thinking as I read, "This story seems very real." I like, too, your complex characters, your symbolism (black, gold, and red--were those Nazi colors?), and your intricate metaphors. Best of luck Mr. Mertz--you have a winner here.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

KC picked up on the symbolism I chose for the flag of the Coalition of Independent States, but she misinterpreted it. In politics, colors as symbols have multiple meanings and connotations based on context.

Hitler had very specific connotations in mind when he chose the colors for the flags of the National Socialist German Worker's Party. Red for the domestic socialism he wished to implement, white for the nationalism and his rejection of the "Jewish International Conspiracy" he claimed was buried within Marx's works (And yes, he did read them, he just though Karl Marx was lying about his rejection of the Jewish People and calls for their eradication to further their domination of the world. Also, I think Hitler had Syphilis and it was affecting his brain), while the black was chosen to show his own allegiance to the Fascist Movement that Mussolini had started following his rejection of the Internationalist Aspect of Mainstream Socialism while in the trenches of WWI (Up until 1912, Mussolini was a hero of the Socialists around the world, until he started up the Nationalist and Socialist thought into Fascism in Italy. From there it spread around the world.)

The Pittsburgh Convention of Conservative Principles designed the Three Rivers Flag with different meanings. The red which dominates the flag are based off of the American color for conservatism and the blood of those who have fought and died to defend the freedoms we hold dear. The Gold is for Individual Freedom inf Economics and Property Rights, both Physical and Intellectual, along with an adherence to Austrian School Economics, while the Black stands for Personal Freedoms and Individual Civil Rights. While it shares colors with the German Flag, the symbolism is different.

Thanks for Asking Hart!

Hi Eric, Kell is an interesting blend of intelligence and emotional sensitivity. The ravens following him before his dream also put him somewhere between paranormal and the practicality of military life. It's written so that he's very accessible while the international plot hovers. Very readable for the general audience. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

This is good, Eric. I read three interesting chapters and liked it. You have a great story brewing here, but since this site is supposed to be one in which we critique each other's works, let me attempt to help you improve upon it.
1) This is a real MINOR nit, but one you would want me to point out, since it is in the second paragraph of the prologue. “They where” should be “They were”. An oversight, I'm sure, but one an editor will find easily.

Yeah, it is one I have been having trouble with. I run my book past several family members, and they are able to catch most of them, but not all.

[Quote]2) Cut down on as many words as you can. Less is more. If the description, conversation, etc doesn't move the plot forward, discard it. All that about General Anderson can be put into the speech itself via conversation. And I’d cut down on it considerably. I found myself skimming (which is something you don’t want a reader to do) over a lot of the backstory you’ve written about. This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to deal with in my own work.

I will work on that, thanks for the advice. I am trying to use it to give some foreshadowing over what is to come, and I wasn't sure how to fit that in, while also keeping Dr. Spencer's speech to just a quick introduction of Kell's birth.

3) Use the word ‘that’ sparingly. There are many places you can cut the word out without losing what you want to convey. The less a reader has to read, the more you are going to hook him into reading more. In other words, cut out everything that doesn’t move the plot forward. If you want to convey some backstory, put it in dialogue between two people and only do it if the information HAS to be there to move the plot forward.
I hope this helps, and best wishes on authonomy. There are a lot of good people here, and my work would not be where it is today without their help. Backed with regards, Dave

Thank you for the assistance, I will be including these in the next round of edits.

This is good, Eric. I read three interesting chapters and liked it. You have a great story brewing here, but since this site is supposed to be one in which we critique each other's works, let me attempt to help you improve upon it.
1) This is a real MINOR nit, but one you would want me to point out, since it is in the second paragraph of the prologue. “They where” should be “They were”. An oversight, I'm sure, but one an editor will find easily.
2) Cut down on as many words as you can. Less is more. If the description, conversation, etc doesn't move the plot forward, discard it. All that about General Anderson can be put into the speech itself via conversation. And I’d cut down on it considerably. I found myself skimming (which is something you don’t want a reader to do) over a lot of the backstory you’ve written about. This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to deal with in my own work.
3) Use the word ‘that’ sparingly. There are many places you can cut the word out without losing what you want to convey. The less a reader has to read, the more you are going to hook him into reading more. In other words, cut out everything that doesn’t move the plot forward. If you want to convey some backstory, put it in dialogue between two people and only do it if the information HAS to be there to move the plot forward.
I hope this helps, and best wishes on authonomy. There are a lot of good people here, and my work would not be where it is today without their help. Backed with regards, Dave

I agree about the bloated governments. I think it was Jefferson who said something along the lines that a revolution every 50 years might be healthy. I tend to agree with that. No doubt every couple of generations need to polish off the Liberty Bell. We are bloated nowadays, that's for sure. Yeah, the killing in Akihabara was a good indication how the current economic and social structures are getting tattered. The kid who committed the murders was regulated to work menial jobs for part-time wage, had few outlets for socialization and the surrounding society pretended that nothing is amiss, that things are continuing on in positive territory. Corporate media is trying to cloud everyone's brains with nonsense like American Idol, et al.

This site is running like mud today, so I think I'll stop my comment before I lose everything I wrote. You have a good start on this story as far as I can see. I'll come back and read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

Fantastic! it's awesome to read a book that takes place where i live! You've nailed it. I love your idea and you execute it perfectly. I love your writing style too, it's exciting and doesn't let up on the action. It's a scary and fascinating. Loved this.

Missy

What an amazing, and at the same time horrifying, narrative you have on your hands here. With such a controlled authorial voice you have managed to pin down the exact characters, events and narrative to completely nail this story.

The representation of the polarized sides of the 'fight' is spot on and you do not pull any punches. Excellent.

BACKED.

Eric Mertz,
I was not expecting Fracture War--not at all what you have here. I like immensely that you have placed this on the cusp of current history--a little into the future, but not so far back that today is a mist of memory. In fact, I think you've given just enough time for today to be history. You've also set your story up with meticulous detail. I kept thinking as I read, "This story seems very real." I like, too, your complex characters, your symbolism (black, gold, and red--were those Nazi colors?), and your intricate metaphors. Best of luck Mr. Mertz--you have a winner here.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Eric, in your first chapter you've set up a frightening scenario striking so close to home with the polarization in this country now. Your style is fluid and can't help but continue reading. Great job! Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

Very compelling and a real page-turner as it develops. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Your descriptive passages and dialogue are excellent, as is the development of your main character Kell. You r story moves along at a good pace, always drawing the reader forward. Well done! Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Eric,
Fracture War: The Montana Crisis is a riveting thriller of tremendous imaginative depth. It resembles historical fiction with the chapter headings of exact dates in history. I did the same thing with several of my chapters in Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story. They serve as a quick reference to readers browsing the story. Backed with pleasure.

This is a compelling read and a well thought out plot. It has all a good thriller should have, excellently drawn, thoroughly believable characters, tension, excitement - what more can I say? Backed with the certainty that this is a story that will make the grade, sooner rather than later.

Eric:
You have a strong setup here in the pitch. Whether or not it's the case, the part I've read suggests to me you are either writing from personal experience or in-depth research. Either way, I think this is critical for a successful thriller. Seems you have all the requisite parts for an exciting ride!
Best of luck with this project.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

You have crafted a most compelling and interesting storyline for a thriller and I like your use of foreshadowing in the Prologue. Your use of imagery is excellent as is your character development of Kell. Your predominate use of short paragraphs helps to build the tension and keeps the pace of your story flowing well. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Excellent storyline and talented writing - easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room

if i had to let my soul go for the saving of a generation...maybe.
excellent concept
backed
Christopher
Crossing The Line

Your pitch really drew me in, and from what I've read so far, you are a lalented writer and your book shows a lot of promise. Good luck! If you get a chance, let me know what you think of "Fine & Shimming"
DJay

FRACTURE WAR
This is an interesting story; it carries you away from your easy, comfortable world to much more ominous one in which the United States is at threat. You have a good writing style for this genre; it’s as if you’re a reporter describing these events – and that makes this all seem very real. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear Eric
what an honor to be the first to say, what an amazing short pitch, yes you sold me the book. your long pitch took me, no forced me to carry on and open it ( so to speak) and read more. I have not finished it but will carry on for sure. The characters are vivid and very animated and i feel a build up, like a tension in your writing and am quite on the edge. I will carry on reading and comment further on as I would like to get this book of yours backed to assist it on the climb to the top.
Backed for sure my me. ..I would really appreciate it if your would look at my book, COMMENT , and back it. If not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck with your book

Denise
The Letter .