The Book of Simon - Chronicles of Bras Kath - Book 1

Royston -

The Book of Simon - A dreaded force, the Thrall and the alliance, the Pentaran, sending an agent to establish contact with an ordinary human, Simon, to establish whether the race is worth saving ... Very intriguing, how the invisible presence is brought into existence, excellent writing with enjoyable, subtle humour and perfect pacing.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Excellent and that comes from a teacher of English of more years than I care to remember and will always deny.

BACKED

You have finely crafted a most interesting and compelling storyline nicely enhanced with a touch of humour. You build your story well, your charcharacter development of Simon is excellent as is your use of imagery. All of this coupled with your imaginative writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the youth market. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I thought your pitch was hilarious, so I had to go and read the main course.
Poor Simon, a man on the run form destiny and he doesn't really know it yet. The promise of a wicked sense of humour in the the pitch wasn't lying, this is most amusing.
I also like the plot holding this up, being funny is great, but having a strong vechile to carry the humour is important and you've got one here.
Backed with a smile.

Hi there,

Chapter one is a great introduction to Simon, a nippy character and no mistake! I liked the dismissive attitude to the "losers" stuck in the basement levels of the building... and the feelings of fear which help to re-humanise him, in a way. There's a slightly mocking tone to this which cuts off any dislike we may feel for the character - and it ends in a blur of creativity as Simon gets sucked into another world. Excellent stuff

Pat
Snarl

The Book of Simon (A Stampman's Group Review)

Your pitch is amusing and intriguing, but I think it needs some editing to increase its impact.
You sometimes miss apostrophes (eg "thats us" should be "that's us") but add them when not needed (eg "local's" should be "locals")
Missing letter: "suprise" should be corrected to "surprise"
I think you're overdosing on the exclamation marks throughout this pitch.
Chapter One and Two.
You get inside the mind of Simon straight away and he's not very impressive. A bit of a moaner and feels hard done by. Doesn't like people much either: he doesn't know the name of the mail girl who brings him his post every day and feels anyone who works in the basement must be a loser who he doesn't have to bother with. For some reason he is terrified of the silence in the basement. I didn't really understand this bit. Yes, he's a coward but why such an extreme reaction rather than feeling a bit spooked?
He scrambleed upstairs and in a mad dash to escape an imagined monster, he smashes into the glass doors. While Simon is slumped on the floor, the lift starts to move. This is good writing, you create a lot of suspense as it moves and then stops at the ground floor. Then bell rings and the door opens. Nothing. A good comedy moment.
I smiled when the voice he hears is a cultivated English voice..like the voice of God. I suppose it makes a change from being the bad guy.
Simon goes out into the dreary November evening and "braves" the underground in a cowardly way. His encounter with the red head was amusing and so was his smugness. I'm wondering if Simon will mean her again? But by now Simon is feeling so smug, he didn't notice the build up of the vortex and the way it was following him, hunting down its victim.
Nice comic touch when Simon slowly realises the "monster" is not attacking him but is feeling annoyed and extremely disappointed. Understandably disappointed, really. And then, very slowly, Simon works it out. This creature is trying to tell him something important and also the vortex is coming back. Coming back to get him.
You have a strong, humorous voice which tends to mock Simon yet also reveals his fear and his need to relate to people. He doesn't know how to talk to women and he realises people are often annoyed with him. Perhaps Simon is not such a hopeless case after all?
Please think about the editing and getting rid of some of the exclamation marks, but otherwise I think you have an interesting and fast paced story which could well appeal to many young adults. BACKED.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Royston -

The Book of Simon - A dreaded force, the Thrall and the alliance, the Pentaran, sending an agent to establish contact with an ordinary human, Simon, to establish whether the race is worth saving ... Very intriguing, how the invisible presence is brought into existence, excellent writing with enjoyable, subtle humour and perfect pacing.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This first chapter was incredibly spooky and exciting. You should have any reader young or old drooling to see what happens next. One thing I liked about it was that the action never stops. And the intrigue from the telephone call. You definitely have a winner here.
Backed with pleasure, Sana x

Read the first two chapters and find it a wonderful read for young adults, be back for some more and of course to shelf.

an entertaining read...

Hi Royston, I enjoyed chapter one. It's a bit to gruesome and explicit for children, but Young Adults would love it.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Royston, your first chapter reads well. I only have one problem with your story. You have tagged this as children's fiction. I think not. Otherwise, this is a great read.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Subtle comedy always works for me and this is a fine example, well done. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Hi there,

Chapter one is a great introduction to Simon, a nippy character and no mistake! I liked the dismissive attitude to the "losers" stuck in the basement levels of the building... and the feelings of fear which help to re-humanise him, in a way. There's a slightly mocking tone to this which cuts off any dislike we may feel for the character - and it ends in a blur of creativity as Simon gets sucked into another world. Excellent stuff

Pat
Snarl

Gripping book, but I'm not totally convinced of the suitablility for children? YA maybe, but younger ones........?

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Hi Royston, This entertains while it instills a sense of alluring horror. The action writing is very keen and kept me with Simon and the characters who came in afterward. Simon is comical, especially with the woman he watches while going home from work. The harp music intrigues and this quirky way of invading. It reads like a lark and a page-turner. Easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Royston.
Remarkable ideas. Certainly should keep young adults happy, which is hard to do as I have too ofthem in my family. I will back this.

Jerry [paperbat] My book is for the younger child reader - any comments?

I thought your pitch was hilarious, so I had to go and read the main course.
Poor Simon, a man on the run form destiny and he doesn't really know it yet. The promise of a wicked sense of humour in the the pitch wasn't lying, this is most amusing.
I also like the plot holding this up, being funny is great, but having a strong vechile to carry the humour is important and you've got one here.
Backed with a smile.

Quirky, fun voice. That's what everyone always asks for, right? Something different. I think you have it here. But be careful with POV however (I assume you're going with omniscient?)--that's a big deal to editors/agents.

I'll shelve it. Thanks for commenting on ELEMENTAL.

Tiffany

Royston,

Loved the profile, how could I not read the book?

And I'm glad I did. This is one of those most British boojks, with a quirky sense of humour, combining an unlikely hero with action and humour, in a telling that is at once matter of fact and absurb, verging on surreal.

Backed

You have finely crafted a most interesting and compelling storyline nicely enhanced with a touch of humour. You build your story well, your charcharacter development of Simon is excellent as is your use of imagery. All of this coupled with your imaginative writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the youth market. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

THE BOOK OF SIMON
This is an entertaining story. You have a great character in Simon; he’s certainly not your usual hero but he’s likable and sympathetic because this strange Vortex is after him. The first chapter in the basement is scary even tho nothing turns out to be there. I found your pitch interesting but after reading it, was confused because the story seems to take place on earth, not some distant planet (or did the people who escaped there simply rebuilt earth?) Either way, this is a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Yes, that's right The Alliance are hiding out here on Earth. have been for about 4000 years. '... and we've been here ever since'

THE BOOK OF SIMON
This is an entertaining story. You have a great character in Simon; he’s certainly not your usual hero but he’s likable and sympathetic because this strange Vortex is after him. The first chapter in the basement is scary even tho nothing turns out to be there. I found your pitch interesting but after reading it, was confused because the story seems to take place on earth, not some distant planet (or did the people who escaped there simply rebuilt earth?) Either way, this is a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

An interesting and well packed start to the book. Perhaps a little long for a first first chapter, which could benefit by being split. But that is minor and a personal preference. I have enjoyed the chapter however.
Dargarma

An odd, almost facetious tone, but varying. Sometimes it seems serious, tense, and then there's a half jocular remark direct to the reader which changes the mood. There are quite a few minor errors to edit out yet. Many people will enjoy your book, I'm sure. I wish you luck with your writing.

Dear Royston, I love your sense of humor. :) Yes, a smile face is a good thing. :) I backed your book, to comment later. :) Thank you for backing, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) Hope you'll take a moment to back my other memoir book, too. :) Your story is wonderful & grasping - it makes me to want to read more and more to see what will happen. You have a great pitch which drew me into your story. :) I would suggest if you have chosen "Children" genre, not to have swear words. They aren't allowed in school in USA. I love that you brought Britain, USA & Russia into your story. :) Hope you will write many more books. Love, Susie :) p.s. I'll put your book on my watchlist to make it #7. :)

Excellent and that comes from a teacher of English of more years than I care to remember and will always deny.

BACKED

Your bio is hilarious with your number assignments so of course I had to check out the book! This is so perfect for kids! Excellent and should be published - it is easy to read your marvelous personality in between the lines!

Backed with a smile.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Dear Royston
I would like to commend you on the skill you have applied, the imagination and the talent you have in writing this work of art of yours. I feel sure you feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also getting this book of your published and consider this book

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, comment which is important to me, and back my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

I don't normally read sci-fi, so I cant' give much insight on that, but I do like the way you have the story grounded in a sense of "real life" at the onset. Simon is an intriguing character who is easy to like immediately. You may want to look into what a comma splice is and see if you could take care of a few of those, but then again, plenty of published books have them, so it may just be a matter of style difference. I suggest it only in case you weren't using them intentionally. Might be better to forgo them for a children's novel. This didn't feel too much like a children's novel to me, though, regardless :P

Good luck here!
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

This is a fun read but you do need an edit. You need to check that each new piece of speech starts with a capital letter and, if you have a 'said' word, there is a comma eg. "I like this," thought Simon. :)
Otherwise, a good read.
Please take a look at The Firelord's Crown by Jim Darcy. Thank you. :)

Great premise and a tension filled opening chapter. You have a great style, with enough humour injected in your scenes to keep me glued to the page. Simon is a very likeable guy, if a tad overworked!

Great hook at the end of the first chapter! You could actually break your first chapter into two. It's quite long. Still, very enjoyable read! Backed with pleasure.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

:) comment is 5 comments up from this one :)