The Underground Tower: The Son of The Skies

Your writing is highly descriptive as well as imaginative. Your work cannot be read quickly otherwise one might miss the message(s) or the point you are making. Gladly backed.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I love the Dark Tower series and I love anime. I like the feel and pace of your story. I could feel the biting blizzard.

Good job and good Luck
Wakefield Mahon
Emerald Dreams

UNDERGROUND TOWER
This is a story, as the pitch says, with a little bit of everything. The mark of it is the writing style: it’s crisp and clear and easy to read. You’ve obviously put a lot of work into creating this fantasy world because you’re able to describe details about the settings. On top of that you’ve included a good mix of characters; there’s certain to be one in this bunch that everyone will like. I’m happy to add this to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

I've been meaning to read The Underground Tower for quite some time... like since Djinnia commented on it and told me I'd probably love it, as I'm a fan of both graphic novels and anime XD. Well this is me... about 450 or so days late ^.^; Now before I start on this I want to say one little random ... two little random tidbits. One, your artwork reminds me so much of my cousin's, I like it =D. Second, you haven't been on in over three hundred days. This isn't a comment with strings attached, so please don't feel any pressure or anything like that, I'm reading from a recommendation, even if i'ts been a long time coming.
^____^

Chapter 1: I comment as I read, so I may change my mind when I get further along, if so I'll point that out.
Switching from 'he' and 'the swordsman' to 'I' threw me off >< I love how descriptive you are, but the flow seemed a bit patchy, though that could be your style, not far enough to tell yet.
You have quite a few moments where you're writing and you leave off an 's' from a word. For example, during the ice falling from the heavens at him- you say he 'stop' running. should add an 's'. Reading over this these kinds of typos shouldn't be too hard to find and fix =]
I love your imagery, not just your descriptions as you paint the world of your story, but your use of metaphors and similes. Excellently done. My fav so far is: 'As a lamb, the swordsman awaits the storm.'
You use commas a lot when you don't need them. If you're like me you put a comma anywhere when it seems like there should be a pause, but that's not always the case and just clutters up the sentence with them XD maybe find a comma nazi, cough dijinnia cough, to help you with that =] if you ask I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind. Just ask for a Coffee with the works and she'll understand.
I'm not sure if you do or don't, but I think you mix past tense and present tense. I do the same thing, so it's really hard for me to spot when it's done just the tiniest bit, but I'm pretty sure you do. You know there's a lot of criticism in this, and I apologize if it comes off horribly rude. I actually like this a lot, it reminds me of Tower of Druaga and .hack//SIGN
Overall I think you have the makings of something special here. You weren't kidding in your pitch when you described this as having a bit of everything. Great job on that. However, presentation and form could use a little work. It is a rough bit of gemstone that only needs some polish to shine =D I hope you keep writing because that's the best way to polish your skills, skills which I'm very much impressed by.
Backed n.n
~Zero, No Title Needed

for chapters 2 and 3 my only would be not have so many breakups with the pov. keep with scyell until a good cliffhanger happens like an introduction of a crisis or character or whatever. then go to kurome or whomever.

the other suggestion would be i guess i wanted to see kurome getting sucked into the portal from his side and appearing. that could be a beginning of a chapter.

other than that this is a fantastic mangaesque adventure.

me

maybe try reverberates instead of "his roar reverb"
"the blade gets stuck" maybe say pierces deeply and imprisons itself
impaled through the chest

other that those three suggestions this is one fantastic piece of descriptive chapters i've ever read. i could see it as if i were there. awesome!

the only other suggestion would be to add maybe one or two sentences of their surroundings and their appearance. what does The Son look like? black hair? blue? richly robed? what does the swordsman look like? ragged? barefoot? armored? little details like that help. when reading i was seeing Naraku from Inu Yasha and the mc from Kamui but you're probably seeing something else. i want to see what you, as the writer, does.

good job on the first chapter

me

Your writing is highly descriptive as well as imaginative. Your work cannot be read quickly otherwise one might miss the message(s) or the point you are making. Gladly backed.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

UNDERGROUND TOWER
This is a story, as the pitch says, with a little bit of everything. The mark of it is the writing style: it’s crisp and clear and easy to read. You’ve obviously put a lot of work into creating this fantasy world because you’re able to describe details about the settings. On top of that you’ve included a good mix of characters; there’s certain to be one in this bunch that everyone will like. I’m happy to add this to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear Ryuno, I've already backed & read your books, but never finished the comments - I liked that your hero is determined to do his very best for everyone concerned - would that everyone in the world would have his mentality. :) Great write. :) Now, I'm ready for your book #3. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. When I put your book on my watchlist, I'll #2. :)

I love the Dark Tower series and I love anime. I like the feel and pace of your story. I could feel the biting blizzard.

Good job and good Luck
Wakefield Mahon
Emerald Dreams

Dear Ryuno
nothing really no , you have given it all, and in your short pitch. wow
your long pitch takes me out there. where does one get such amazing stories from?, where did you pull this one from?. I just congratulate you on your creative genius and then the ability to craft it all into a read that is gripping and compelling. How can anyone not read to the end ( hoping you post it all up)
I have not read all your writing, but i do wish to support your climb so will back this now and possibly comment a bit further on.
BACKED by me for sure,
I do hope you will take time to comment on my book, comments are so important to me, and if you feel so, back it. If not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise
The Letter

I 'read' Manga and this flows very well. I would love to see it as graphic book. :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

:) comment to follow :) :) completed :)