Book Jacket

 

rank 3297
word count 50230
date submitted 13.08.2010
date updated 08.10.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adult
classification: universal
incomplete

Returning the Night

Margaret Kilpatrick Strachan

Good triumphs over evil, light vanquishes darkness-- at least, that's what we're taught to believe. But what if the dark isn't that bad?

 

Aido was raised in a world where people are taught to fear darkness, shadows, and night-time. In fact, darkness is considered so evil that the Emperor of Inaar is making it so that shadows no longer exist and that night will be gone for good. But one day, when Aido realizes he has a shadow-- something nobody has seen for fifteen years-- he begins to have second thoughts, especially when a girl in his dreams begins to explain the consequences of an eternal day. Now, banished from his town, Aido alone is the one capable of realizing the truth and returning the night to a superstitious world.

 
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tags

coming of age, darkness, death, fantasy, fiction, kitsunes, magic, mermaids, necromancy, shadows, superstition

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33 comments

 

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celticwriter wrote 593 days ago

Hi Margaret. The more I read, the more I appreciate your interesting tale. Consistent structure throughout.Nice visual tale. In case it didn't register last time, backing again.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

beeloveks wrote 637 days ago

The eternal struggle between dark and light has taken on many forms over the centuries. This work takes a fresh look at that.

Good Luck

Bee Love
(Pouring the Cup)

Owen Quinn wrote 640 days ago

Good start that makes the reader go straight into the middle of the story, the Inquisition like politics with the magical overtones evokes images of dark buildings with torch light in the windows and a Salem Witch type society, the characters names are otherworldly adding to the atmosphere andlayering the story with a dark mood as if something poisonous has spread throughout the world.

lionel25 wrote 642 days ago

Margaret, I'm a sucker for good dialogue and your prologue gets my top marks. Nothing really to nitpick in that section. Good job overall.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

andrew skaife wrote 642 days ago

Well done. You have managed to mix a mature style with an exciting YA narrative. Excellently achieved.

BACKED

Chipper10 wrote 642 days ago

very good style. Backed. your description and words are right to the point.

I invite you to read or comment on The Rebel.

God Bless,
Chipper

Pride wrote 643 days ago

Hello Margaret
First line para 2 "or else you know he would happily see" grammaticly incorrect.
Line 2 para "still in the different language" I think you mean "in the same language"
"Why would you go against not only our emperor, but OUT country."
I really think you ought to try reading your story aloud to yourself then you would find for vyourself these kinds of errors. I hope this helps Pride

CarolinaAl wrote 644 days ago

An engaging story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Sparkling dialogue that evokes the era. A pleasure to read. backed.

Jim Darcy wrote 645 days ago

This is well thought out and a very intriguing premise. Definitely hooks the reader in. Are you going to upload some more? :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

DMHeadley wrote 645 days ago

Great storyline and well written.
Backed with pleasure.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

Mona0622 wrote 646 days ago

I positively hate cilff-hangers! That wasn't very nice of you to completely draw me into the story and then rip me out such a suspenseful spot! [said in a joking, exasperated tone] Seriously, I loved it and really wish to read the rest of it. You pulled me right in, and the storyline kept getting more and more interesting.

paperbat wrote 646 days ago

Margaret.
Clever idea, esp the dream comments. Have tou planned out the rest/ending fully yet? I can see where it is going - interesting! All the best. Worth backing; on my watchlist.

Jerry [paperbats] Thoughts on my paperbats adventures for younger children ?

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 646 days ago

Dear Margaret,
What an ugly, despicable world you've created! I read your first chapter, and found it to be quite compelling. The writing is very good, and you've done a great job of creating suspense. Really nice!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

klouholmes wrote 647 days ago

Hi Margaret, This is intriguing, from a premise where the natural world threatens the king. The university woman reading auras and choosing not to use her magic to help the king makes for a fine beginning. The writing has a folklore quality but elaborates on that while sustaining that quality. Happy to shelve - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Andrew Burans wrote 647 days ago

You have finely crafted a most compelling and interesting fantasy. The dialogue is crisp and well written and helps to keep the pace of your story flowing nicely. Yor work is character rich, I especially like your development of Aido and your use of imagery is excellent. All of this coupled with your imaginative writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The beginning

name falied moderation wrote 649 days ago

Hi Margaret
just putting your book back on my shelf I cannot see the backing so making sure again, this book is worth it
Denise
The Letter

Burgio wrote 649 days ago

RETURNING THE NIGHT
This is a story with an unusual premise: what would it be like if there were no longer a night? You’ve obviously spent a lot of time designing this artificial world with no darkness and it shows in the way you’re able to describe details in your settings. The idea of Aido being the only person in town who can see his shadow is intriguing. Makes this a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Walden Carrington wrote 649 days ago

Margaret,
Returning the Night is a work of extraordinary imagination. Backed with pleasure.

Emma the Exterminator wrote 649 days ago

I had every intention of not liking this.

But I do.

Ems

Barry Wenlock wrote 649 days ago

Hi Margaret,
A very enjoyable read. Original and well thought out. Good potential.
Backed with pleasure, Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

TalulaJane wrote 649 days ago

Wow- this is awesome. I had to keep reading to see if she'd indeed be executed or if she'd be able to conjure the spirits to save her. I like the way you left off with a "cliff hanger" at the end of chapter 1...the reader has no choice but to go to chapter 2. Kudos!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

talli wrote 649 days ago

from your pitch alone I`ve backed the book with pleasure, I`ll be back after my wedding to read on!
Kind Regards
Talli

lizjrnm wrote 650 days ago

What a gifted imagination you possess and certainly a talent for putting it into words! Easy to back this!

Liz
The Cheech Room

BJ Otto wrote 650 days ago

Very interesting idea for a story, and skillfully put together. Writing flows so well, the chapters are peeling off without you realising. You are very talented. Well Done, backed.

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 650 days ago

Fantasy is not my first choice and yet you had me intrigued from the start. You have a unique way of using an ordinary setting and then taking us where you want us to go. Fascinating and professional. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

name falied moderation wrote 650 days ago

Dear Margaret
so your short pitch on its own grabbed me as i wanted to know why and what
your long pitch showed me that you had created a totally different read here and so it compelled me to read more. i have not read it all, and at the present time i am retiring, but will come back
I have not read all your writing, however i will comment more later when it is right
CONGRATULATIONS on such talent and crafting
BACKED by me for sure
please take a little time to comment on my book, comments are so important ot me, and if you feel so, back it.
thank you
BEST of luck
Denise
The Letter

eurodan49 wrote 650 days ago

You’ve got a good voice and it comes through.
Here are a few pieces of advice, Keep narrator’s voice to a minimum. Do more “showing” (how your characters move, act) instead of you “telling” the reader what they’re doing. Trim away every adjective and adverb which is not absolutely necessary (you’ve got a few too many). A lot of your “telling” could be transformed into your character’s internal dialogue…it would move the story faster and allow the reader to better understand the character.
I only had time for a few chapters but liked the story…great job. You’ve got my backing.
Dan
PS Maybe you could look at mine, would appreciate it.

Despinas1 wrote 650 days ago

Dear Magaret
Congrats on posting Returning the Night, a very original piece of work, good pristine writing, that will serve you well on this site.
I have backed it on the strength of your pitch and wish you the best of luck and much success.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

MKandtheforce wrote 650 days ago

You have the makings of a great story here. This is very well-written overall.
If I had a suggestion, it would be to cut out some of your adverbs. A few are fine, even necessary, but too many are distracting, and often add little to the story.
I wish you the best of luck!
Libby
Guardian of the Empire



Thanks for the helpful advice! I went through the next chapter and took out the adverbs I found unnecessary, and when I have a chance to, I'll go through the first ones and take out more, and keep doing so with future ones. Thanks for reading! :)

evwalker wrote 650 days ago

You have the makings of a great story here. This is very well-written overall.
If I had a suggestion, it would be to cut out some of your adverbs. A few are fine, even necessary, but too many are distracting, and often add little to the story.
I wish you the best of luck!

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 650 days ago

A wonderful read because of a very clever use of English, and other languages. Backed with pleasure. Chuck

SusieGulick wrote 650 days ago

Dear Margaret, I love that your story is about the fear of darkness because I used to have nightmares of running from a man on my dark street where I lived when I was raised - they never went away until I was 35 (I'm 70, now) - I have it in my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks for your intriguing story. :) You have a good pitch & nice tight paragraphs & dialogue, which provide for a good read. :) I'm backing your book :) - hope you'll back my 2. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

thebobster wrote 650 days ago

I like the look of this!

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