Book Jacket

 

rank 2294
word count 11495
date submitted 13.08.2010
date updated 02.04.2011
genres: Fiction, Children's, Young Adult, I...
classification: universal
complete

Paper Bats 2: Metro Saves the Day

Jerry Evans

Hello, we are small plump furry animals, living in local parks, which we protect . Our books are adventures for 4-8 year olds. Enjoy

 

This is the second Paperbats book in the series called 'Metro Saves the Day. The first Paperbats book called Protectors of the Park was published at end March 2011 via createspace AMAZON and on my web site www.paperbats.com.
Hoping to fill the hole left by the disappearance of Wombles books, and set innocent adventure in childrens' minds.
Chapter 1 = Metro's invention saving the park- from a fire ; Chapter 2 = Herald's Birthday Present
Pictures at www.paperbats.com

Trying to get as many people to read this, see my webpage and become a member of my facebook group page.

Characters comprise grandparents/parents and several children. Old Grandpa Times [wise old story telling bat]; father Herald [head park protector]; twin sons Metro [ inventor] and Tel [brave adventurer]; baby Sunny [ loveable/inquisitive].
There is also a young boy, Jack, who lives across the road and gets to know the PaperBats, getting involved in many stories.

 
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tags

adventures, animals, bats, childrens' books, fiction, goblins, parks

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The Paper Bats

 

Part  1

 

 

Metro Saves the Day

 

 

It had been another beautiful hot and sunny summer’s day in the park. Yet the grass and trees were becoming increasingly dry and shrivelled because of the lack of rain.

 

Encouraged by the lovely weather, many local people had been using the park throughout the day. The most popular activities were family picnics, playing sports and swimming in the central lake.

 

The Paper Bat family had spent the day trying to remind visitors about keeping their park safe. They did this by using their special ability for altering the writing on their wings to show messages.

 

Grandpa Times and Granny Guardia had pretended to be posters, clinging onto the park keepers’ lodge next to the south entrance gate. This was ideal for them, as they could stay still throughout the day and go to sleep.

 

PICTURE 1

 

Mother Indy and her daughters, Sunny and Express, each had pretended to be pieces of paper on notice boards at the north entrance gate. This had been an ideal location to be seen by all the visitors to the playground and lake.

 

As usual, the twins Metro and Tel, had decided to have some fun. They spent all day acting as wind-blown rubbish, unravelling near to sunbathers and picnickers in the hope people might read the information on their outstretched wings.

 

Even Jack had been helping his Paper Bat friends by putting up notices that he had written himself.

 

Herald, father of the Paper Bat family, had organised the family. He had been very pleased with all their hard work.

 

By late afternoon all the Paper Bats were finally back at their tree home. Herald was thanking them. “You were all great today. I am sure many humans saw your information to keep the park safe and clean.” But none of the other Paper Bats were listening to him as they were all very tired.

 

 

MAP  of Paper Bats’ local park

 

 

Jack yawned, “I’m going home now. I don’t want be late, as my mum will have cooked dinner for me.” He started to slowly walk home.

 

Unfortunately for Herald, he still had to finish his final job for the day and check the park was all safe for the night. 

 

He flew out of the tree hole and towards the children’s play area at the north of the park, passing the swings and roundabouts, before flying onto the central lake. As he flew around the lake, he noticed- or rather he smelt- something was wrong. The smell put fear into him, as it would for any Paper Bat. It was smoke from a fire! But from where?

 

Using his sensitive nose, Herald quickly searched for the source of the fire, sniffing one way and then the other. ‘I must find it as soon as possible, so it does not spread’ he thought to himself.

 

Herald flew back towards the northern gates- but nothing. Then he flew across the grass area at the top of the park - again nothing. Finally he flew down through the centre of the park along by the far side of the lake. In front of him Herald could see a large statue overlooking the water that was a popular place for picnickers. Then he spotted some smoke and flames. It was only a small fire at the moment, but he knew that fires can quickly grow. It probably had been started from a Barbeque left by some thoughtless picnickers earlier in the afternoon.

 

A fire would be a disaster for the park and its buildings, as everything was so dry. The fire needed to be stopped quickly, but with the park closing there was nobody around to notice it. Herald wondered how he could put it out himself without being burnt.

 

PICTURE 2

 

Herald flew down around the central lake towards the park keepers’ lodge at the south gate. It was an old, small bungalow where the park keepers met to eat their lunches, and store their tools. However they never slept there, so it was usually empty at night. Herald hoped it was not too late in the day for the park keepers still to be there.

 

As he flew towards the lodge, he was very relieved to see a light still on. Herald now had to get the park keepers’ attention and warn them of the fire in the park. This was going to be a problem.

 

Then Herald had an idea. He flew up to the front door of the lodge and slipped under it, like a wind blown piece of paper. He hoped that the park keepers inside would notice.

 

PICTURE 3

 

Herald did not have to wait long.  One of the park keepers spotted him and promptly picked him up.

 

“Did you see how that piece of paper blew under the door? I told you there was a terrible draft in here,” said the younger park keeper.

 

The older keeper briefly looked up. “Just throw it in the bin and finish tidying up. I want to get home.”

 

Just as the young keeper was about to crunch Herald into a tight paper ball, the keeper noticed the headline on Herald’s wings-‘Fire in the park by the statue’.

 

“Look at this,” the young keeper said to his companion, and showed him the headline.

 

“Someone’s trying to play games with us, or maybe it’s an old newspaper report on that fire we had last month.” The older park keeper then walked over to the door, throwing Herald in the bin. “I’m just going to lock up the tool shed, it will be getting dark soon. Let’s go home.” The two park keepers then left, locking the door behind them.

 

Quickly unravelling his crumpled wings, Herald then slipped under the door. He was very disappointed that his plan to warn the park keepers had not worked. There was nobody else around that could now put the fire out. At that moment he realised that his Paper Bat family would have to put out the fire by themselves! 

 

Herald flew as fast as he could back to the family tree home to alert the other Paper Bats. If there had been any people walking through the park, they would have thought it odd to see a piece of newspaper moving so fast through the air when there was so little wind that evening.

 

“There is a fire in the park!” Herald squeaked at the top of his voice as he arrived home, “I need help urgently.”

 

Bleary-eyed, all the Paper Bats woke up suddenly from their sleep. Granny Guardia was so alarmed at the squeaking she fell off her perch, and Grandpa Times jumped with such surprise, his glasses dropped off his nose.

 

PICTURE 4

 

Herald quickly started to organise every-one. “Express, would you please fly as fast as you can over to the north gate near the newsagents shop and try to find Jack. He can then tell other humans that a fire has started by the statue near the central lake.’’

 

Express fluttered down from her sleeping perch, still half asleep. “No problem dad, I will fly there as fast as I can,” she said, before flying out of the tree hole.

 

Herald turned to Metro and Tel. “I need you both to go and get the fire beating brushes and bring them to the statue by the central lake to help put out the fire.

 

Tel looked worried, saying “are you sure there is no other way? The fire brushes are so dangerous for us to use.” 

 

“I know, but there is nothing else we can do,” added Herald as he flew off.

 

So Tel and Metro raced off to the storeroom where the fire beating brushes were kept.

 

Then Metro suddenly stopped.  “Did dad say the fire was by the lake?’’ Metro asked Tel.

 

“Yes,” replied Tel as he started to collect up several of the fire beating brushes in his claws.

 

Metro did not collect any. Instead he just raced out of the storeroom squeaking, “I have an idea. Don’t wait for me, I will catch you all up at the lake.” And with that comment he disappeared towards his inventing area of the tree home.

 

PICTURE 5

 

At the statue next to the central lake, there was frantic activity going on. Tel, Grandpa Times and Herald were now busy using the fire beating brushes to try and reduce the fire in the grass and stop it spreading.

 

Unfortunately, all this activity was not having much success in stopping the fire. Herald was getting worried that they may not be able to put it out. And there had been no news from Express trying to warn anyone else!

 

However Express had remembered Jack was on his way home out of the park, and so had quickly fluttered up to the north gate. She had been just in time to catch Jack as he was about to cross the road. A gust of wind helped her flutter towards him, where she landed on Jack’s face.

 

Jack’s eyes could just see a furry paper face and a large pair of eyes through her wings. He mumbled something. But the wings were also over his mouth.

 

Carefully pealing her paper wings off his face, Jack looked at her in his hand. She was still breathless from all that flying. “Hello, are you alright?” Jack said in a surprised manner.

 

“It’s an emergency. A fire has started by the lake,” Express said in a worried squeak.

 

Holding onto Express, Jack turned around and quickly ran back through the park gates and towards the central lake. He soon arrived breathless. In front of him were several Paper Bats dangerously trying to put out the fire, still leaping up out of the grass.

 

But Metro was still not there. Where had he got to?

 

Then finally, Metro appeared flying very slowly and awkwardly.

 

“Here comes Metro, and he is carrying something” Jack said to Express and the other Paper Bats.

 

In Metro’s claws he was clutching lots of small buckets. He finally flew to where the others were, collapsing with near exhaustion.

 

“What have you got there?” asked Herald in a surprised manner.

 

“Looks like a load of old buckets to me,” giggled Tel. But Tel, knew that Metro had a plan, so he was eager to try whatever idea Metro had come up with. And indeed it was one of his new inventions he had been working on over the past few days.

 

“I have brought each of you a special fire fighting bucket,” he squeaked. “Using water from the lake, you can fly over the flames, and then release this lever.”  Metro pointed to a little handle.  “It will make the bottom of the bucket open, so the water falls onto the fire.”

 

Metro then added, “this is safer for us as well, as you don’t have to get close to the flames, you can fly above them,” he proudly announced.

 

All the Paper bats watched as he demonstrated how his invention worked.

 

PICTURE 6

 

For a few seconds all the other Paper Bats were astonished by Metro’s idea, but then realised how useful it was.

 

“OK, everybody do as Metro suggested,” squeaked Herald loudly to make sure everybody could hear.

 

So for the next ten minutes they all busily scooped up water from the nearby lake and then dropped it onto the fire as fast as they could manage. Slowly the fire got smaller and smaller, before eventually it died out.

 

“It’s finally out,” gasped Tel as he flopped to the ground exhausted. All the other Paper Bats also collapsed around the base of the statue, very relieved.

 

Metro still had a little water in his bucket, so he sprayed it all over everyone.

 

“Aah!” they all squeaked, “it’s cold.”

 

“Well everyone looked so hot and tired, so I thought it would revive you,” Metro added squeaking with laughter.

 

But they forgave him, as his invention had been such as success.

    

“That was a great invention of yours Metro,” said Herald, who was very impressed with his son’s idea.

 

PICTURE 7

 

Just at that moment, they could hear a noise coming from the path by the lake. It was the two park keepers. Apparently they had eventually seen the smoke coming from the direction of the lake just as they were leaving the park and decided to check it out.

 

“Look, over there,” shouted the young keeper. “There was definitely a fire here. I can see the grass is burnt around the statue.”

 

“Obviously some careless picnickers,” added the older keeper. “They are so thoughtless. Look, they even left all their paper rubbish around the statue!”

 

Then they saw Jack, still wet from splashing water over the fire. “What are you doing here lad?” asked the older keeper, looking at Jack.

 

Jack had to think quickly for an answer. He did not want to steal the credit for putting out the fire all by himself, but he also did not want to give away the Paper Bats either. “I was leaving the park when I saw the fire. Nobody else was around. So I splashed some water on it to put it out.”

 

The guards looked at Jack and nodded. “Well done lad. You saved us from what might have been a nasty fire as the park is so dry. We will tidy up here. Go home now as it is getting late.”

 

I will just tidy up all these bits of newspaper lying around the statue before closing the gates,” the young keeper added, bending down to pick the bits of newspaper up.

 

“No, leave that until tomorrow. It’s too late now. We can do that in the morning,” suggested the older park warden, to the relief of Jack and several nervous Paper Bats.

 

And with that the two keepers left.

 

The Paper Bats then unfurled their tired wings and left for their tree home, quietly waving to Jack to thank him for his help. 

 

None of the Paper Bats spoke on the flight back, as they were so tired.

 

Granny Guardia was waiting for them with special ointments to heal any burns and some moth soup.  She was very pleased, but surprised, that no one was injured, due to Metro’s invention.

 

It wasn’t long before the soup was all gone and for them all to be on their perches fast asleep. It had been an eventful day and night, and thanks to Metro’s invention, everyone was safe.

 

PICTURE  8 

 

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Balepy wrote 308 days ago

Jerry - have backed your charming and original story with stars - I have been away for two months and discover you have also backed Freckles the Fawn. Thank you so much and best of luck in all you write. Balepy

paperbat wrote 335 days ago


Could do this morning - Fri 24th.

Hello Jerry,this is your old pal Rod,operating under the callsign 'Strachan',which is actually my middle name.This is a very sweet and cute story,very simple and straightforward,with a kind of reassuring appeal,which i'm sure kids woud appreciate.we must get together,I'm launched on the site,but need advice as to how to proceed - who better to ask than 'The Master' or Mr.No 1,as he's known in Muswell Hill,entirely without lavatorial connotations,send me an e-mail when you're available,is that next week.Under the Old Pals Act I need you to look at the first of my book,which is now uploaded,hope to see you soon,Rod(Alias Strachan)Gordon

strachan gordon wrote 338 days ago

Hello Jerry,this is your old pal Rod,operating under the callsign 'Strachan',which is actually my middle name.This is a very sweet and cute story,very simple and straightforward,with a kind of reassuring appeal,which i'm sure kids woud appreciate.we must get together,I'm launched on the site,but need advice as to how to proceed - who better to ask than 'The Master' or Mr.No 1,as he's known in Muswell Hill,entirely without lavatorial connotations,send me an e-mail when you're available,is that next week.Under the Old Pals Act I need you to look at the first of my book,which is now uploaded,hope to see you soon,Rod(Alias Strachan)Gordon

PCreturned wrote 368 days ago

Hi again Jerry,

I've been rereading a few books on here lately that I remember particularly liking, and came back to have another peek at your weird and wonderful paper bats. :)

I think there's a v sweet quality to your writing, and I still think the idea of paper bats is genuinely original and clever. :)

I especially like the clever little touches that made me smile. eg the fact the bats are named after newspapers. And the scarf. :)

Good story, with Metro saving the day. I loved the clever idea with the buckets and the water. And I enjoyed the brains over brawn outcome. :)

I just had a peek at your website for the artwork. I think it's lovely and perfectly fits your stories. :)

I see your 1st book's published now. I'm glad to see your work's getting out there. I'm giving you 6 stars in the hope it will help a bit with visibility. I can see young children loving your work. Best of luck with your many sales. :)

Pete

karenrosario wrote 436 days ago

Ah how lovely! I love the image of the paperbat complete with red and yellow scarf! I would love to see the drawings :-) This is delightful, witty and wonderful fun.

I might suggest tidying your pitch up a little bit; there's quite a lot of information and it doesn't really sell the book as well as it could. But the content of the story itself is lovely!

paperbat wrote 442 days ago

Thanks Nanty. Useful. Jerry

Adventure of the Paper Bats.
Part 1 - Metro Saves the Day.
Loved the idea Paper Bats alter writing on their wings to show messages and that names are derivatives of those used by well-known newspapers - Grandpa Times and Granny Guardia(n), being just one example, who in this instance are pretending to be posters. Very amusing. Herald's dilemma, he has to put a fire out without being burnt, is a really nice touch as was Granny falling off of her perch. Metro flying with tiny buckets to draw water from the nearby lake, was fun (I'm assuming he is the brainy one of the twins). Jack, comes across well.
Part 2 - Herald's Birthday Present.
Grandpa Times conducting a lesson on safety is amusing, though it has a serious message that could be expanded on whilst an adult is reading to a child. Granny's wings being blank due to old old, is a hoot. Twins Metro and Tel, losing track of time chasing moths conjures up lovely images and forgetting it is their father's birthday, very child-like. However, I was't sure if a good message was being sent when they went out of the park to get typewritter ribbon as a present for their father, as this had been forbidden. This was dispelled when they ran into danger, courtesy of a cat and. Again this, could be a good way for an adult to talk to their child/children about why certain rules are put into place to keep them safe.
I think this is original. In the two stories read, there is a lot to entertain children and keep them amused. My only concern is, in places, some of the laguage used might be difficult for younger children to understand. I noted, there were spaces left throughout the text for an illustration to be inserted, which would be needed for the targeted audience, so it seems the author has covered all bases.

Nanty - Chrys!

Nanty wrote 443 days ago

Adventure of the Paper Bats.
Part 1 - Metro Saves the Day.
Loved the idea Paper Bats alter writing on their wings to show messages and that names are derivatives of those used by well-known newspapers - Grandpa Times and Granny Guardia(n), being just one example, who in this instance are pretending to be posters. Very amusing. Herald's dilemma, he has to put a fire out without being burnt, is a really nice touch as was Granny falling off of her perch. Metro flying with tiny buckets to draw water from the nearby lake, was fun (I'm assuming he is the brainy one of the twins). Jack, comes across well.
Part 2 - Herald's Birthday Present.
Grandpa Times conducting a lesson on safety is amusing, though it has a serious message that could be expanded on whilst an adult is reading to a child. Granny's wings being blank due to old old, is a hoot. Twins Metro and Tel, losing track of time chasing moths conjures up lovely images and forgetting it is their father's birthday, very child-like. However, I was't sure if a good message was being sent when they went out of the park to get typewritter ribbon as a present for their father, as this had been forbidden. This was dispelled when they ran into danger, courtesy of a cat and. Again this, could be a good way for an adult to talk to their child/children about why certain rules are put into place to keep them safe.
I think this is original. In the two stories read, there is a lot to entertain children and keep them amused. My only concern is, in places, some of the laguage used might be difficult for younger children to understand. I noted, there were spaces left throughout the text for an illustration to be inserted, which would be needed for the targeted audience, so it seems the author has covered all bases.

Nanty - Chrys!

Pia wrote 500 days ago

Dear Jerry, you're not active here, but your vote still counts. Please check my message to you. Thanks, Pia

RonParker wrote 507 days ago

Hi Jerry,

I like the theme of thse stories. However, while I know you acknowledge the idea is base on the Wombles stories, I think your story might be just a bit too similar to them and could, therefore, create copyright issues.

That apart, is a good children's book though there are some writing errors. First of all, you don't need the 'but' in the first paragraph. Secondly there are a few typos such as 'patents' for 'parents' and some gramattical issues.

A good editing session will clear these things up and, if you can overcome the copyright issue I think you have a marketable story.

Good luck with it.

Ron

Neville wrote 523 days ago

Read your book some time ago under the old system.
Young children will love this, it's just up their street so to speak.
Every piece of paper blowing down the street, they will associate it with a Bat, and what's wrong with that.
Nice story and I love it. Hope you do well with it.
Pleased to star rate it
Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest - The Time Zone)

Ceeds wrote 573 days ago

Absolutely charming! Adore the way you've named the bats, especially Grandma Guardia and Grandpa Times! Best of luck with it. Ceeds
JOE'S NAN

Balepy wrote 588 days ago

Jerry - Adventures of the Paper Bats is delightful, backed immediately and I hope you will find time to look at Freckles the Fawn and leave feedback, very best wishes Balepy

Ravager wrote 590 days ago

This will be a great title for when I eventually have some children if my own.
I also like the fact that proceeds will be going towards wildlife preservation, something even us bigger kids can get behind. ;)

–Phil

Lenore wrote 595 days ago

Charming piece of work and suitable not only for the age group you intend but will be a delight to all who open the published pages.

philip john wrote 595 days ago

Backed for no reason other than this is lovely to read. I now live in hope that my kids will produce grandchildren for me to read to.

Philip John

Glenn Steadman wrote 605 days ago

Awesome idea for children's reading Jerry. Fanciful and imaginitive.
Backed
Glenn
The Transpod

Despinas1 wrote 614 days ago

Dear Jerry,
This is absolutely brilliant work....... You should be extremely proud of Adventure of the Paper Bats, with its originality I see great potential. Best of luck.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Lee Tarvis wrote 614 days ago

This is a very brilliant concept and has a lot of potential. It's very easy to see all the forethought and effort which has gone into this book (even with no pictures).

The writing is very polished and seems to be just easy enough for a kid to follow; but not have the stigma of reading a "baby book" as those who feel they may have outgrown an age range of books.

Great job on the character names as well as the mythology of the Paper Bats. It looks like something a librarian can recommend as well as a book suitable for reading to a class and holding the attention of all the students. Good job and much success with it.

Sly80 wrote 614 days ago

This is a very unusual and imaginative idea, Jerry, and one that will certainly have children looking at litter a lot more closely. To add to the fun, this family of paper bats have very different personalities and appearances, and each has individual stories to tell. I hate to admit how long it took me before the significance of the weird names sank in - a nod to the parents.

And there are plenty of places where parent or child can use daft noises to enliven the reading with 'oohs' and 'aahs', such as the tale of how the goblins turned the bats into paper. I've also taken a look at the website, and the pictures are great - fluffy creatures with cute faces and gigantic eyes. They will look fantastic alongside the words ... happily backed.

Possible nits: Consider this slight rewording: 'If you take a look inside this tree, you should be able to see them. But first your eyes will need to get used to the dark inside the hollow trunk, then you should see several...'

James26 wrote 617 days ago

HI! I'm so sorry i have't had much of a chance to reply to your message from ages ago!!! I love this! I can really see myself reading this to a classroom. I have to disagree with the previous comment i feel that this could easily incorporated into a younger classroom, although i feel the teacher would have to take the lead!! THe stories and characters are lovely and engaging. I like that you have an ecleptic mix of personalities within the stories which means it could potentially appeal to a wide ranging audience!

Just about to start my third and final year of teacher training and am really loving it!! I hope that one day i can add you book to my already large childrens book library!! Regards James.

Richard Maitland wrote 618 days ago

The Paperbats books are aimed at children between the ages of five and eight. Whilst it is a very long time since my own birthdays could be numbered in single figures, I have spent several years recently assisting Year 2 pupils (aged 7 mainly) with remedial English sessions. Based on that experience, I think that Paperbats would be more appropriately regarded as a book for children at the lower end of the age range, particularly as eight years was the target readership age for the first Harry Potter book. So, working on that assumption, I would suggest that many of the words used -- e.g., superior, unsupervised, cautious, occasionally, dwindling, predators, taunted, dilemma -- are too sophisticated for five-year olds or a very young readership.

Writing for small children -- the construction of a convincing world with no loopholes to be exploited by small, enquiring minds -- is bloody hard. It requires just as much skill -- more so, at times -- than writing for adults. The author cannot afford to take his eye off the ball for a moment or else he will invite a sackful of letters written in wobbly capitals on the lines of: "You said she was cooking food for the birthday tea. How did they get gas or electricity in the tree, then?" (suggest "making" or "preparing" rather than "cooking"); "You said Grandpa Times keeps books of newspaper cuttings so that he knows what's going on in the world. Are the cuttings baby bats not yet born?" And -- worst of all: "The twins were trying to steal the typewriter ribbon to give to their dad for his birthday. My mum says it's VERY BAD INDEED to steal things."

Turning now to the writing itself, there are a few rogue tenses, but nothing that a good edit won't fix. However, I would urge the author to do some work on his pitches. These are not working for him as they should be and they are crucial. The books deserve to be better marketed. If I can give any advice or help on pitches, I will gladly do so on request.

This is a charming premise for a series of books: little bats with delicate wings of newspaper, that protect city parks. And the motive for writing the books -- the protection of bats and the drive to make people more aware of them -- is a noble one. However, I feel that whilst the concept is excellent, the execution of it is somewhat flawed. The Wombles made children litter-conscious. Delightful as the Paperbats stories are, they don't seem to be carrying the underlying environmental message -- the protection of trees, the rehabilitation of bats as nice creatures. There is much to like in the overall idea, but I feel at present more work needs to be done to realise the Paperbats' full potential. I wish it well.

beeloveks wrote 619 days ago

a fun and whimsical adventure

Elizabeth Love
(Pouring the Cup)

paperbat wrote 619 days ago

I adore bats and these are lovely stories to not only entertain small children but to do so with an innovative choice of creature... it's easy to become tired of talking dogs and cats and horses and such. Bats! Bliss. Love them! And if it takes anthropomorphous tales like this to teach children to love them too, and have a greater respect for the real thing, then I'm all for it.

Backed & good luck with this. Shame we can't see the pictures.



Hi.
Thanks. You can see my early sketches on my web site; www.paperbats.com
All the best.
Jerry

Sandie Zand wrote 619 days ago

I adore bats and these are lovely stories to not only entertain small children but to do so with an innovative choice of creature... it's easy to become tired of talking dogs and cats and horses and such. Bats! Bliss. Love them! And if it takes anthropomorphous tales like this to teach children to love them too, and have a greater respect for the real thing, then I'm all for it.

Backed & good luck with this. Shame we can't see the pictures.

StaKC wrote 620 days ago

This is a sweet story, perfect for kids. I love the concept (I love bats in general), I only wish it was possible to download the pictures on this site! WIth just a little editing, I think this would be wonderful for kids (there's a few places where it's a little redundant, e.g. when the bat first appear to Jack, he wonders twice in the same two-sentence paragraph about speaking newspaper). I think it would do well, I hope somebody gets hold of this. I would have loved it when I was younger. Heck, I might pick it up now if the pictures were cute enough! I love Grandpa and Granny, too. Very well done, utterly enchanting.

Stephanie225 wrote 623 days ago

Some notes on the intro...
I liked the idea of meeting the bats. I think they are a cute family. (Although how does the one bat keep his tools in his belt?)
Some nitpicks:
Word choice a little advanced? (whilst, knack)
I love coming here because I live nearby or I’m glad I live nearby because I love coming here.
Hopefully we’ll find out what it is….Maybe, he hasn’t told anyone what he is making yet.
We will come across them (grandparents) again later….necessary sentence?
Too many “as” statements.
As paper bats don’t like to get their paper wings wet as they go all soggy and they are very awkward to fly with…could be more concise.
….As they talk to each other so often…..talkative and talk too close together. Maybe.. the flies keep coming out of their mouths when they speak. Or mouths never stay closed long enough to swallow the flies.
This is not uncommon as Indy is….Maybe...This is not uncommon. Indy is…?

Ron Mitchell wrote 624 days ago

What a creative story. It is something I never would have thought when looking at the imaginative side of children. Backed. Thank you for your support of December Gold.

michaeltc wrote 625 days ago

Jerry,
Liked your pitch, and the fact that proceeds of any sales (hope it sells like h-o-t-c-a-k-e-s!) will go toward animal welfare.
Have backed it, and hope to look at it in the near future. Having computer problems!!!!! Aaaarrrrggggggg!!!!!!!
Michael
Iniquity Shall Abound

Molwanda wrote 625 days ago

Liked your wonderful story, i'll return to back once i sort out issues with my shelf.

Jasmin Star wrote 626 days ago

This is a unique and delightful story. I like how the bats are named for the newspapers. However, sometimes the narrative is not quite at their reading level, and a little wordy. As a child, I loved reading books with many pictures. I noticed a few grammatical/punctuation errors, such as "Could you tell me it again!" and incorrect placement of your/you're. "As" is at times used too often; perhaps substituting "since," "because" or creating a new explanatory sentence would help? Otherwise, this is a lovely book. Backed with pleasure,

Jasmin

gloria piper wrote 626 days ago

Hi, Jerry,
This is delightful. I'm not sure all the words are within a child's understanding. You might want to check that. Also watch for redundancy and punctuation mistakes. Charming and imaginative.
Backed.
Gloria
Finnegan's Quest

Linda Lou wrote 626 days ago

ADVENTURES OF THE PAPER BAT-Jerry Evans
hullo Jerry. loaded yours today and I was not disappointed. I have not known about 'paper bat's before this. The only experience I've had with bats was finding a big warm black bat nestled in my mom's pole beans. Needless to say I wanted to keep the bat but it belonged in the wild and that it where I put it. Great story. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Lara wrote 627 days ago

I can see this as a picture book and I read it with that in mind. Forgive me, but I think you should take out all the adult telling e.g. this is what happened to Jack and now he has lots of stories to tell ... etc Just get on with the story, that's what the 5-8s will want,. Get into the head of one of the bats or of Jack entering their world. Don't tell about it or comment. The adult voice is intrusive. Nice idea. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Wei wrote 627 days ago

Lovely! This will be enchanting for children (and some adults, a nice change from the usual mayhem and gore!) I've only read chapter one, and perhaps my question will be answered as I read on, but I think I'd like to know in the first chapter -- what do paper bats eat? You mention them foraging. Enquiring minds want to know more.
Wei (Kunlun)

lj reads wrote 627 days ago

I love it! My son will love to read this. I will unclude this one too for his list of things to read next week. re:school reading log. Thank you so much for asking me to look into it Jerry!!

Idea Girl Consulting wrote 628 days ago

thanks 4 backing my novels, I have backed paper bat :)

Ellgain wrote 628 days ago

I love the concept of Paper Bats. It's an imaginative take and the idea of them as protectors of parks is one that I think children would find really interesting. You provide some good details about the Paper Bats themselves which make them spark the imagination even more. It's a good story - I'd read it to my kids if I had any!

OmegaPrime wrote 629 days ago

As promised, giving this another spin on my shelf :D Best of luck with it!

the hermit wrote 629 days ago

Hi Jerry
Started to read your book but found that it wasn't for me. if you are aiming for a very young reader, you might want to reconcider the words you are using. Things like 'he lingered - surprising feature and 10 centimetres might be a little beond their understanding. for the very young, you must keep it really simple.
wishing you all the best - geoff.

Jaemomof2 wrote 629 days ago

Jerry,
I'm sorry it took me so long to read your book since you have read mine. Your book is very intrigueing, it sounds great for children. I would buy this book to read to my kids, it is quite and adventure. I love the fact you took papers and brought life to it. Truley unique! I love your work! Your imagination is brilliant! Best of luck!

Jessica,
"A Daughter's Sacrifice"
BACKED with pleasure! Also watchlisted!

paperbat wrote 630 days ago

Hi Jerry,

Thanks for your comments on Bad Blood... I was always find it interesting when someone has enjoyed it at all, and the more feedback I can get the better!

Just had a read through some of Adventures of the Paper Bats, and thought I'd give you some feedback.

Chap 1:
- 'But, these' (One, I can't stand a sentence beginning with an 'and' or 'but', so didn't like that. Two, the comma didn't work for me either.)
- 'The same might happen..' (That I go to a park? I would put this after it changing his life, not after saying he visits the park a lot.)
- 'Jack first came..' (I'd take out both commas.)
- 'No it was too thin' ('No,' Also think of italicising the thought.)
- Wait, he saw the wink first, but the eyes last??
- 'newspaper, fluttered' (No comma.)
- 'keepit' ('keep it')

To be honest I'm not the best judge of this type of work because it is so different to what I read and attempt to write, but it at least achieves what it sets out to do.
For that, I'll certainly back.

Good luck,
Mitch




Thanks. Taken on-board.


Jerry

Mitch Kelly wrote 630 days ago

Hi Jerry,

Thanks for your comments on Bad Blood... I was always find it interesting when someone has enjoyed it at all, and the more feedback I can get the better!

Just had a read through some of Adventures of the Paper Bats, and thought I'd give you some feedback.

Chap 1:
- 'But, these' (One, I can't stand a sentence beginning with an 'and' or 'but', so didn't like that. Two, the comma didn't work for me either.)
- 'The same might happen..' (That I go to a park? I would put this after it changing his life, not after saying he visits the park a lot.)
- 'Jack first came..' (I'd take out both commas.)
- 'No it was too thin' ('No,' Also think of italicising the thought.)
- Wait, he saw the wink first, but the eyes last??
- 'newspaper, fluttered' (No comma.)
- 'keepit' ('keep it')

To be honest I'm not the best judge of this type of work because it is so different to what I read and attempt to write, but it at least achieves what it sets out to do.
For that, I'll certainly back.

Good luck,
Mitch

Kelvin O'Ralph wrote 630 days ago

Hi Jerry,
I really believe children will love it, heck I loved it :) I'm definitely going to back your book. Good luck on publishing it someday.

Kelvin
ICIRE: The Rebirth

Pamela Wootton wrote 631 days ago

Hello Jerry,
It me Pamela Wootton again, this time with a quick review of your nice book. As a grandmother, it felt like I was the one telling the story to any of my grandchildren, it was that believable and well written. Good stuff my friend and good luck with it. See you at the top with this top children's story book.
Cheers
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

paperbat wrote 631 days ago

Well, absolutely delightful. The opening descriptions appealing, love the tiny claws and the level of writing just right for your age group. Will back with pleasure. I expect you've picked up the repetition in Chapter One half way through the section after the first picture, the gust of wind blowing the piece of paper near some trees. All the best Jaye Hill



Thanks. Yes corrected. Jerry [paperbat]

paperbat wrote 631 days ago

Well, absolutely delightful. The opening descriptions appealing, love the tiny claws and the level of writing just right for your age group. Will back with pleasure. I expect you've picked up the repetition in Chapter One half way through the section after the first picture, the gust of wind blowing the piece of paper near some trees. All the best Jaye Hill



Thanks. Yes corrected. Jerry [paperbat]

Jaye Hill wrote 632 days ago

Well, absolutely delightful. The opening descriptions appealing, love the tiny claws and the level of writing just right for your age group. Will back with pleasure. I expect you've picked up the repetition in Chapter One half way through the section after the first picture, the gust of wind blowing the piece of paper near some trees. All the best Jaye Hill

Fromante wrote 632 days ago

I love this Jerry, I have only read to chapter three, I smiled all the way through. this should fill the hole you have mentioned and the children I know would love this book. You mention a picture section, this is just the thing. Have you tried a specialist agent just for children? Try this one, could be a long time awaiting a reply but you may strike lucky. www.celiacatchpole.co.uk, Celia Catchpole is a specialist in this genre.
Good Luck.
Norman. (Fromante)

Laith Doory wrote 633 days ago

I can't say that I'm an expert at children's fiction, but I think you have a great concept here.

Just a few points of contention:-
The opening question might not be one that taxes the minds of many children. Perhaps write it from the perspective of Jack.

As this book should be regarded as educational, the punctuation would need to be utterly conventional, consistent and rather basic. Therefore no concessions to the rhythm of the voice of the author.

A good practice would be to bring the work up on screen at 200% actual size to iron out any inconsistencies.

Laith

Laith Doory wrote 633 days ago

I can't say that I'm an expert at children's fiction, but I think you have a great concept here.

Just a few points of contention:-
The opening question might not be one that taxes the minds of many children. Perhaps write it from the perspective of Jack.

As this book should be regarded as educational, the punctuation would need to be utterly conventional, consistent and rather basic. Therefore no concessions to the rhythm of the voice of the author.

A good practice would be to bring the work up on screen at 200% actual size to iron out any inconsistencies.

Laith