Book Jacket

 

rank 5464
word count 35936
date submitted 30.09.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Comedy
classification: adult
incomplete

( Taking) The Rise (out) of Civilisation In England ( An Hysterical History For Adults)

Clare Collins

Not so much a potted history as a potty history. A '1066 and all That' for adults. A spoof, a parody.

 

Extract. (Taken from Chapter 2)

'' We all know as we have been told by Shirley Valentine that mans' greatest invention was the wheel, what is not readily known is that it was in fact a woman who invented it. Firstly it happened that one day Mr Caveman was sitting on the shore picking some fluff out of his belly button contemplating the most important questions i.e. that of the universe and when would dinner be ready? When an irrate missus came storming out of the cave shouting,
"Get your arse into gear and find me some meat!"
She also threw a log at him...


What Readers Say

From an Historian
'A kind of History, but whose?'

From a Woman
'Grate, I always knew women were the smarter secs.'

From a Fashion Designer
' A sad tale of sexual confusions. just up my street'

From a Solicitor
'Largely Politically incorrect.'

From a Royal Gentleman
' A total load of old crap, but entertaining as a piece of worthless literature and a complete waste of paper. I find I am unable to put it down-mainly because my copy was still wet with glue.'

So it goes on.

A work in progress...

 
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tags

civilisation, comedy, comical, fiction, funny, history, humour, potted, queen elizabeth 1st, spoof, stone age, william the conqueror

on 1 watchlists

16 comments

 

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Prototype wrote 1240 days ago

Hi Clare...
Just wanted to say well done, in that I think you are developing a very sharp and amusing style of writing. I'm afraid this kind of book doesn't really appeal to me but that is in no way a criticism of your work, just a personal preference. I'd love to read anything else you've written especially if it's more of a story based novel. Congratulations and keep up the good work! Best wishes.

Martin McGovern wrote 1330 days ago

Hi Clare - very witty. I really like the 'end of chapter' summaries. Also, I suspect that history was much more like this than traditional accounts - so there's a market out there for you. One change I'd suggest as and when you make edits is to change the formatting - at the present the lines are very widely spaced - I find that this can make reading on screen difficult, and I've seen this in comments on other books too.
As a non-fiction author, I'd value your input on my book if you have the time.
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=2243
Martin

Clarty wrote 1330 days ago

UP DATED version now loaded. Still work to do!

Nick Poole2 wrote 825 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

buckman52 wrote 904 days ago

Clare,
You've answered a lot of questions I've always been stumped with, such as who developed the wheel and why?Oh, and who started started cooking and why? Of course, we all know that throughout history women have always been the more intelligent, more important sex. Thank you for proving it! Backed
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

Jupiter Echoes wrote 908 days ago

Quite intrigued by the premise. Found your work well written, with good characterization, fluid plot and a clear style, for me anyway. Not of the mind to look for typos, so didn’t. On the whole I really enjoyed this and thought it deserved backing.
It’s a novel every lover of life will love.

BACKED

Jupiter Echoes wrote 908 days ago

Quite intrigued by the premise. Found your work well written, with good characterization, fluid plot and a clear style, for me anyway. Not of the mind to look for typos, so didn’t. On the whole I really enjoyed this and thought it deserved backing.
It’s a novel every fun loving person will love.

BACKED

Ariom Dahl wrote 1090 days ago

hello Clare
I've had a skim through some of this and my main comment is that the formatting has let you down. FAR too much empty space. If you were to redo it, single spaced on your document, I for one would be prepared to come back to read it all. There was humour but also fact, presented in a catchy way.
Regards, if you redo it please tell me and I'll be back to read the lot. This was informative and fun.

Prototype wrote 1240 days ago

Hi Clare...
Just wanted to say well done, in that I think you are developing a very sharp and amusing style of writing. I'm afraid this kind of book doesn't really appeal to me but that is in no way a criticism of your work, just a personal preference. I'd love to read anything else you've written especially if it's more of a story based novel. Congratulations and keep up the good work! Best wishes.

davey wrote 1316 days ago

There's a lot of wit here. It made me smile. I feel like it needs illustrations to tie it all together. Did you intend to have any?

Richard P-S wrote 1326 days ago

Dear Clarty, ah. Sorry for being dense. R

Richard P-S wrote 1329 days ago

Dear Clare, I think you may be on to something here, along the lines of the books like "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" etc. Readers could just dip into this for a morsel of humour.

However, you do need to edit it quite a lot, as there are grammatical, punctuational and factual errors which need to be sorted out before an editor woudl read it. Please do persevere - because this has potential. R

Richard P-S wrote 1330 days ago

Dear Clare, thanks for your comment on the dialogue, and thanks for putting me on your watchlist. Hope it won't be too upsetting for you. I really look forward to hearing what you think. R

Martin McGovern wrote 1330 days ago

Hi Clare - very witty. I really like the 'end of chapter' summaries. Also, I suspect that history was much more like this than traditional accounts - so there's a market out there for you. One change I'd suggest as and when you make edits is to change the formatting - at the present the lines are very widely spaced - I find that this can make reading on screen difficult, and I've seen this in comments on other books too.
As a non-fiction author, I'd value your input on my book if you have the time.
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=2243
Martin

Richard P-S wrote 1330 days ago

Dear Clare, have added to my watchlist. R

Clarty wrote 1330 days ago

UP DATED version now loaded. Still work to do!

Clarty wrote 1331 days ago

I have started the editing process.

Annie wrote 1331 days ago

Hi Clarty, Thanks for your wonderfully kind comment on my book and for backing it as well. I am busy at the moment, so if I don't read your book, come back and remind me soon. I noticed these in your pitch that you may want to have a look at:

1. 'An humourous' should be 'a humourous'
2. Tongue-in-cheek has to be hyphenated.
3. Comma after 'fact' (second one)
4. The sentence with men attacking castles whist boiling oil was poured... needs to be edited. At the moment it reads as if they were attacking while the oil was being poured. I think it could be changed to say that they continued to attack, in spite of the retaliation of boiling oil being poured on their heads.
5. Too many 'partly charts.'
6. It may be a good idea to correct the commenter's spellings of 'great' and 'sex.'

I liked your pitch because I enjoy wit. I think that it's witty, exciting and welcoming. However, it needs to be perfect in order to attract your readers to the book.

I think I would enjoy reading this. I'll get around to it later on.

best
anne

Clarty wrote 1331 days ago

This is not an up to date version of my book and as such needs to be edited.

1