Errand into the Maze

Interesting. perhaps the writing is a bit too self conscious though.

Good writing but you probably need to pick up the pace of the first chapter. Too much self pleasuring dialogue for my liking.

good writting, good style...interesting with effective dialogue and narrative...l have backed...
read SEASONS...

I read the first chapter, dipped into the middle and then chpt 6. There is no disappointment because the story is well sustained throughout. There is no doubt this tale is in a very safe pair of hands.
The pitch is unique and promises much, and from the start you build an interesting platform on which to offer intrigue as a good thriller should. The hook at the end of the first chapter is simple but so effective, a perfect example of less is more.
The last paragraph in chapt 6 'only lack the documents,' set me thinking. As one who was adopted, I'd never thought of it like that, and so true.
An attention to detail, enhanced by careful research,makes this writing special. It is barely worth mentioning, but I did stumble once. At the beginning, 'he had unconsciously painted his wife unconscious.' I thought it a bit clumsy, perhaps 'unresponsive,' might be better for the wife. Just a thought. All round a fine story which I star, and shall glady shelve shortly. Margaret.

Harold, I was impressed first of all by the refined Baroque architecture of your writing, and also by the intrigue of the pitch, which for me reserves the goodies for later as I wend my way through the Maze.
Backed as soon as the queue permits.
David Grant
Pompey Chimes

I love the atmosphere of this. Rowan becomes a model for the Brit artist community living in Florence and comes to grip with what happened go his mother. Little knowledge about his parents. It's a fascinating thriller. I'll come back to read more when I get a little time. "She died in the flood." "What more do you want?" "A heritage perhaps? A sense of being connected to the past." A reasonable request, but what are the consequences? Simply, a well written and intriguing story. I wish you the best with this.

Very well done, and I have no real nits. Well, only one nit. When Mercy starting talking about chasity, and then told him she didn't want to talk about it. Sounded a little odd. I mean, she brought the subject up. Might think about it. It's a small nit, but it did sound awkward to me. Anyway, you have a great story brewing and I'll put your work on my shelf for you. Dave

Hi Harold, your pitch is superb and I just had to read some, if only of the first chapter. Lovely writing and a gripping tale. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

A gripping journey filled with surprises. Fascinating characters with real emotions. Excellent dialogue and narration. Intriguing storyline. Lucid writing. Backed.

Hi Harold, I've read chapter one and was impressed. It gripped me from the very start -- loved the description of the painting and the garrulous Damien. Excellent dialogue and no nits. The hook about the rape and the possible child works its charm on our curiosities.
Backed with best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

I am reposting this comment as my efforts appear to have got lost in the ether yesterday!

Just finished the first 2 chapters. Very enjoyable and worth backing. I will read a bit more and then sent you a better commentary of my comments. Excellent.
I would appreciate any comments [good or bad] on my childrens' book, and back it if you see fit.
Jerry - paperbat

Harold, What a well written unique storyline. I have read 4 chapters and it's like peeling back an artichoke each layer leading to the heart of the matter. I love your MC in Rowan, at first thinking he was withdrawn, only to find out that he is quite complexed and versed,

Your imagery brings the country and countryside alive whisking us away on a European vacation...

Mystery, intrrigue and humor...Just delightful Backed with certainty Patricia aka Columbia

Hi Harold, After the discussion of Jared’s painting and the evocative description of the church, the last part gave me a little chill. Damian Sparks is a curious character from the first and his dialogue is intriguing. The writing has the feeling of a tapestry – many symbolic elements and telling details. A little dense at the first, perhaps, but still this intrigues and involves. I wish I could read on today. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I was most impressed with your depth of knowlege and loved how you fictionalized it.

Very engrossing

backed
THE DATE

Very interesting premise, it's the kind of thing I like. History blended with religion is always a surefire win. I like your writing style and your characters both are strong and really engage the reader. I feel like I didn't have to struggle with the mix of history and religion, sometimes in books it comes across as a lecture. Yours felt like pure entertainment. I've enjoyed this so far!

Missy

Dear Harold,
Quite a nice pitch, especially the short one. Now you need a unique book cover to make your excellent story stand out. You might try Bradley Wind, who did my cover. He usually will do a cover for free if you ask him.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Latched onto this because I liked the short pitch and kept reading because of the humor. The naive Rowan Fisher is about to commit original sin without a clue what he is doing. Damien Sparks has the perfect profession and nationality for his personality. Lots of irony and satire built into the story panning the holy trinity of art, literature and religion. I'm sure I missed out on nine out of ten references, but I still enjoyed the read. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

This is a very clever piece of writing. I love the dry humour and you are obviously well versed in many areas of art and art history. In the first chapter you have introduced two very diverse characters and set the scene for some interesting conflict to follow. This is definitely a book I would buy.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

You have created a most memorable main character in Rowan and have crafted a unique and compelling storyline, what happens 25 years after a rape and all of the consequences. The dialogue is crisp and well written and all of this coupled with your descriptive wring makes your thriller a pleasure to read. Gladly backed.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Harold,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Sensitive and skilful writing, allowing the language to flow smoothly without hindrance to the development of the story. Masterly work. Backed with admiration.
Jared.

This is such a sophisticated read gripping the reader. The descriptions are quite beauitful and so vivid, taking the reader straight into the scenes.

The narration is clear and concise without undue recourse to adverbs and adjectives to halt the flow.

The language is exemplary here and reads well.

The diaogue is well written driving the plot forward with a fast pace.

Great read,

Will be back for more.

Kind regards,

Katy
Phobic Dawn.

Quite Arthurian really! :)
Not sure you should have the universal tag, that means that it is suitable for even young children.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Intriguing and absorbing but I think I would start with some drama. Perhaps the rape itself? Anyone not particularly interested in art may be put off by the lengthy description even though it serves a purpose. You should do very well with this. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

First paragraph is enigmatic, takes us straight to place and setting, and shows me you can write well.

'Unconsciously painted his wife unconscious' in para two is very clumsy. Could you change one of the two unconscious words? I like the way you slowly introduce the characters, not giving it all away, so that we remain interested and want our questions answered. I also like the subtle warnings you give - like the 'highlight of wary reproach in his child's eye.' I'm not a backer of any and every new author that appears just to help my rating, since I'm not sure what the point of that is anyway - I'm backing you because I think what I've read so far is good.
Polly.
STONES.

I found this absoloutely gripping. the only problem was that i couldn't read the rest. I love the vivid descriptions of the artworks and the art symbolism, and your characters are strikingly real. Backed.

ERRAND INTO THE MAZE
This is a good story. The setting of the old church is intriguing. The mystery over what happened there is good plotting. If I had a suggestion it would be to begin with the rape – lock your reader in early – then go back to Jared and the painting. Either way, this is a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear Harold
me again I just wanted to say also that I cannot see a book cover on my page, assuming you dont have one, but I am really looking forward to seeing it when it is up. please let me know. ( its about the whole package for me)
Denise
The Letter

Dear Harold
your short pitch is so powerful.Your short pitch took me to your long pitch which is very well crafted and promises an interesting original read. I I am amazed as I see the books on this site, with the minds, and the talent which produce writtings with such skill. How characters can be depicted to vividly using words as colors, and at how a story can be told and it depicts a movie on the mind. I do wish to congratsulate you on your book. I have not read all your writing but I do wish to back this book so it may asssit you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, comment which is important to me, and back my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Nice read. I like the visuals. :-)

sincerely backed,
jim
jack & charmian london

Dear Harold, I love the end of chapter 6 best :) - that's exactly how I feel, "What you don't know, won't hurt you," as the saying goes. It 's all over & past & we all have our lives to live for the future. :) Great intriguing write. :) Hope you write more books. :) I've already backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)