The Collector of Tales

Backed now. I hope to see this fine writing rise the ranks

Backed now. I hope to see this fine writing rise the ranks

No room on my shelf at present or I would certainly have BACKED this. Very well written, different, thorough exposition - highly recommended. I go for quality irrespective of genre and this qualifies. Super. High stars
Lara
GOOD FOR HIM and
A FEAST OF TALES - avatar Good for Her.

Amazing. This is so different from most everything I've read. The beginning narrative is interesting, the dialogue funny (I hope you intended it so) and your protagonist is both. I would have to caution on ch.2: too many contractions in speech make readers' eyes go buggy and takes them out of the story. Two or three per phrase would convey the dialect without overdoing it. I know, it's fun, but it's a little different when you're on the outside trying to decipher what the guy is saying. Simply calling him 'toothless' already starts the imagination.

Your narrator's perceptions continue to be colorful. Good pacing; I'm anticipating a little more plot and holding my breath until I do. Turning purple. Okay, I see this is literary fiction. This does begin to bridge the gap between LF and fantasy, and is more intriguing than most LFs for me. It seems realistic. The setting feels warm and comfortable; the type of place I'd like to live. This has real potential. If you have an audience, you have a gem. Wish you the very best!

Joel Juedes- Purple Eyes

I love this. Good setup in the opening, well paced and believable. Chapter 2 is funny and original. I don't think there's a problem with the language. there's just too much of it. if a person is afraid of saying the wrong thing he would keep words to a minimum. i think places like this, there would be a sort of lingua franca of gestures for travellers, so little speech would be needed. Well done.

Liz,

hi and thanks for the comments. I think general consensus is against the extremity of dialect and i will have to revise it . Oddly enough, I weanted the reader to let it wash over and take the meaning from the context - which is the mechanism you used . However tactically I feel that is an error as I suspect it puts the reader off. I am going to make it nearer to English in much the same way as one might read early modern ( as opposed to middle) English. Hopefully It will leave enough of the brutishness of the language but recover some of the meaning. The test of success will be a) better feedback and b) greater ease of reading aloud which in some passages at the moment is a challenge!

Once again thanks and I'll revert on your book with comments once I have got free of a weekend from hell with most of the family at home and grandchildren etc...

regards

david
the collector of tales

I've read and really enjoyed chapaers 1 & 2. Although the writing is good, I really did struggle with the dialect. After I while I just gave up and guessed what was happening from the context, which is less than an ideal way to read what is a very good book. I have star-rated aand will think about backing later. Cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)

The Collector of Tales
David Payne

When Christopher Columbus set out on his voyages of discovery hoping to find “new” land, I think I know how he must have felt on spotting this treasure from a distance. As I read your pitches and started on the Prologue, not having yet turned to chapters one, or two, still at a distance from the heart of your novel, that thrill of knowing one had discovered something valuable overwhelmed me. I love books, always have, so I’m always excited to find one which really appeals to me on the site, and to be able to read and enjoy them for free seems like stealing. Especially those few which really speak to me. I often in my comments encourage writers by looking for the positives, but here, I didn’t have to look hard, or far. The Prologue has the same kind of tone and atmosphere I find present in Coelho’s novels. The picture is painted, the characters are alive against it, and behind it all, something else speaks, which is invisible, perhaps like a God, which in the novel, is the voice of the author’s, something bigger guiding or allowing to happen, but never intrusive – something there which you know is there, which is powerful, even as that sense is had by so many in real life in the ordinary, everyday circumstances of life. When I begin to read a novel which makes me feel this way, I know it is one I would enjoy from cover to cover for I know I already trust the author to tell his story, to to take me further into his world. I also am partial to novels which make me think, or introduce new ways of looking at things and your Prologue also gave a sense that there was much of this to come. Here you take the reader back in time on a journey of discovery – of a world, and the ordinary people who inhabited that ordinary, yet fascinating world. The meeting of these two strangers, their obvious humble circumstances going on the meal they shared and how they travelled et cetera, is told in such a beautiful, lyrical manner; then that distinction – between a bard and story teller, and a collector of tales. Some irony here as I laughed out loud. Your collector of tales made me think of Authonomy – in a way, this site is a collector of tales (!) – how strange I thought, yours, an arcane version appplicable to an ancient world, and Autho’s, a 21st century, technological version. Perhaps some centuries from now there will be another parallel of sorts which our minds are incapable of fathoming at this point in history. I am off tangent – you do such a flawless job with your words – eloquent, perfected, polished. I think you are ready to submit this and hope this site is not your only means of promotion as it will get lost in the slushpile like so many very good ones I have come across here. It feels like a crime reading something of this quality off the screen. The Prologue also reminded me of some of Coelho’s novels for another reason – his characters often met strangers telling them things which were fascinating, and which progressed his stories. You have a lovely formula I see. Your Chapter 1, The Infernal Village was well crafted. I love literary fiction and the writing was simply beautiful. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have to walk for as long and as far as the collector did in that weather but I experienced every raw moment of it, until he reached the village with its aromatic crowd. Very colouful chapter and even more colourful language through the dialogue – of course creating a very unusual world or ordinary people whose spoken English was indeed not the Queen’s. I enjoyed chapter 2 as well with the collector settling down for the night, leaving the smelly pork untouched determining that hunger was better than sickness, trying hard to fall asleep on a mattress that felt it was stuffed with logs as well as straw. I loved the interjections of humour as I read along – the tale of the Fire Dancers of course foremost in my mind and hoping that the collector would find it – even if he had to stay in the inn for another three nights. Comforting thought of him sketching on his pad at the end of this chapter, unnoticed, for which he was glad, as “Everyone is a critic.” Another Autho parallel!! And another chuckle of contentment on reading this. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!I
The writer’s market seems to be a tough one at the moment. But I have no doubt that this would find its publisher in due course and generations of readers will be thrilled to enjoy this precious gift for writing and story-telling which you clearly possess. All the best.

Amelia

thanks for those forthright comments. I am looking at making the dialect more clear as i have had feedback over the past couple of months that tell me that and in trying to build a picture i appear to be making a barrier instead.

your comment about the missing character is sadly well made and I had hoped that by putting a prologue in it would give the sense of distance between the first meeting in the heat of the south and the Collector's trudging through the snow in the north some time later. I'll look at that again and see how best to set that out. I think the problem stems from the fact that I re wrote the first two or three pages a while back in order to remove what I hoped was the last of the Tolkeinesque text from it. Nothing wrong with JRRT - I love his works - as long as it sits in his own books!

Once again thank you, much appreciated

david
the collector of tales

I enjoyed the first part of this and was disappointed as I got further in. The dialect and language was totally unreadable I was exhausted after trying to decipher what they were saying. Up to that point it was well written and you had created great atmosphere between the two characters and lots of foreshadowing after he gets to the village the other man just vanishes into thin air, not sure why that is.

Amelia Gail

A Date in the Diary

You have an excellent voice! I think you might want to tighten up your prologue, because chapter 1 is where it really kicks off for me (though, the opening to chapter 1 i don't think would be as effective without some version of your prologue). this just has a really great "feel" to it--I can't explain it. It's familiar, but not common--comforting and intriguing. this to me is like a Literary version of the Matrix--it puts the Matrix to shame, really. I'm am adding you to my watchlist queue to give backing soon. I should be able to get you on my shelf within 24 hours.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Hi David.

You write with a very flowing and descriptive style, something that's hardly abundant with most of the offerings on this site. The first chapter was very easy to read, and you strike an excellent balance between normality and the slightly strange. Always pleased to back a writer who can put a descriptive slant on a story. Best of luck with it, Pete.

Heavily atmospheric writing, although I struggled with the lanquage but that added a tinge of mystery to a strange environment. Excellent telling and characterisations, I could almost smell the Inn's atmosphere! An unusual and refreshing story, well presented and captivating. Good work.

I liked the unusual premise and sat back to enjoy your tales. The first encounter on the road was a fascinating one but you didn’t use it to your advantage. There was so much tell and so little show. You missed a great opportunity to allow the fellow traveller to tell his tale in his own words and that would have made for a more engrossing read. When you do get to dialogue in the village, its very hard work to follow, after a while I gave up as I had no idea what was happening after he met the filthy man with the beard and where did his travelleing companion go? Perhaps its me and I am not open minded enough. In the beginning I enjoyed your languid writing style. I had settled and was looking forward to the story unfolding as your descriptions were well written and I was even conscious of the heat. I hope that this does well for you and that others disagree with my thoughts.

Sue Mackender
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you can make time to read some of mine.

What a fascinating concept and execution! I'm reminded, amongst modern authors, of André Norton, John Brunner ("The Traveller in Black"), Jack Vance (especially his "Dying Earth" stories), and Russell Hoban ("Riddley Walker"), some of the lesser-known Tolkien works, and my own "All You Need". With the exception of the last, good company to keep indeed. And, preëminently amongst the classics, of Beowulf - curious since you have a Grendel and Grendel's Mother herein.

You do need to clean up a number of usage errors - I wrote down a few before giving up (call me "The Collector of Typoes", hee hee) - "patronism", "I as saying", and so on.

I also cannot determine what happens to the travelling companion in chapter 1 - he seems to disappear without explanation around the point where the road diverges.

And I'm bothered by the anachronisms - EST and "research centre", for example.

These out of the way, this is a story that thrives not so much on plot - contrived, unrealistically twisted plots with all sorts of Dan Brownesque unlikely coïncidences are all the rage) - but ATMOSPHERE. It is atmosphere that keeps one reading. The stew of dialect English, vivid description, rough characters, fascinating stories, unappetizing inn, and all, is more than enough to keep the reader very interested.

Will this be published? I hope some intelligent editor sees this for what it is - not one more ripoff pablum regurgitated pastiche bit of schlock but something eloquently genuine - and puts it out there for future generations to appreciate. It may be little, but it most assuredly has earned my backing.

--James

Thanks for the backing and the comments. I'll give some thought to the pace of the start. The dialect is completely made up. It is based loosely on a combination of UK northern dialects (more north than Yorkshire!) and old and middle English.

david
the collector of tales

A bit slow to get going, and I couldn't figure out the dialect (is it meant to be Yorkshire?), but good quality writing, and on my shelf it goes.

This is quite reflective and thought provoking, it is written well, and is quite pleasant reading as it has some very different and imaginative concepts.

Backed,

Lisa

Interesting story and well put together. I liked the way the opening paragraph just grabbed my attention. That's what every opening paragraph needs to do. Of course it's not much use if you then wander off, but you didn't. You stuck with the narrative and held interest to the end of the chapter.
Backed.

Interesting with an idiosyncratic form of expression.

This is fantastic writing. Surely a modern classic? Am I the first to observe that it's a little Waiting for Godot-esqe? But's that's just my take on it. Backed with pleasure.

Regards
Laura (Three Wishes)

You book has so many things going on, and fun to read. Well written and backed Beth Anne

The Collector of Tales - Characters, settings, dialect, descriptions and storytelling. This author has crafted a slice of magic. He tells how his MC in the effort to collect stories, suffers much indignity and hardship in the process. The characters peopling his book are both revolting and charming, the scenes depicted realistically and the humour, at times subtle and at others slapstick, are laugh out loud. It is the MC's misfortune to first light upon a run down village and stay at a ramshackle inn filled with seemingly foulmouthed, rude people who have only an eye on prising money out of him yet here is the first story the reader knows of collected. And what a story it is.

Child - Atramentus Speaks

The narrator may claim to be just a gatherer of tales, but he is truly a bard when it comes to storytelling: 'unrolled a tale of my travels', 'I wasn't as committed as the pig that was roasting', 'Nah look't wat'cha dun ah ma kegs ya leetl basdad', 'I appeared to have become part of the scenery' (bars, the world over). Amusing (the dialects particularly made me chuckle), absorbing and surprising - everything a good yarn should be - and there's a whole interlocking collection of them. Animated and crisp writing ... backed.

Possible nits: Pitch: Slight rewording 'towards the company of men who he believes he does not need'. Story: 'but often that it is a bit of a challenge', omit 'it'. 'How that these I now had stored in my mind', omit 'that'? You could lose quite a few unnecessary 'that's, e.g. 'and that I confessed a level of pride', 'it would be nice to think that there was'.

Something about your writing is very remniscient of E.L. Doctorow's writing. At least in my opinion. And that's a compliment.

Very smart writing. The dialogue is confusing, but I assume that is your intent. I do think that you need to shorten your paragraphs, just to make it easier for your readers to follow. And separate your dialogue from being in the middle of narrative.

Otherwise, this is excellent. Great work!

Backed with pleasure!

Cori
"Princess"

Paragraphs are a bit long sometimes, which can make them a bit daunting to read. Otherwise, interesting and well written. Backed.

Cat
"Twisted"

Engaging and backed.

Chapter 5
I like this. The two travelers unable to understand one another but managing to convey the message, I can give you a lift. I live in Poland and many years ago I worked with a girl who understood English but would not talk English and although I was not afraid to use Polish, it was easier for me to speak English. The ride on the car reminded me of that happy time with her speaking Polish, me speaking English and most of the others grinning at us.
This is a fun novel and I would probably buy it if I saw it in the store. Well done, happy to back.

Tony
Life Bringer

I found your descriptive prose well developed and liked the idea of 'the collector of tales' which gives the author scope to develope narrative themes. The story in chapter one flows, for me ,through the narrative but not necessarilly through the dialogue which I found confusing, although I understand it enriches the characters you have created. Good Luck Backed. K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen

Hi David,
I am enjoying reading about the alternative world you have created. Your story is well-told and though not my chosen genre, an enjoyable read. Congratulations and backed by me.
Sincerely, Heidi
An Unexpected Obsession

Jenny thanks for your comments. and backing I will return the favour later today

david
The Collector of Tales

Jenny thanks for your comments. and backing I will return the favour later today

david
The Collector of Tales

I quickly found myself enthralled by the tone of your story teller. Wonderful voice. While some have commented on your format, I found no difficulty at moving through the piece. It seems to fit the tone of a narrator, which seems to be how your story is set up. I also enjoyed the flow of language. I didn't have time to read as long as I wanted but I read enough to easily back this piece with pleasure. Good luck. I hope to return in the future to read more.
Jenny

First thing, first. You need to format your mns. Paragraph breaks, indented likes for new setting/time…you know the drill. Don’t bury dialogue in middle of chunky paragraphs.
While you have a strong voice, the mostly “telling” and little “showing” narration could be a killer.
Today’s readers expect the character’s POV to be just like a camera…showing what’s going on. The “funny” phonetic talk would (in moderation) add color to you dialogue and characters…as it is, too much is just too much and a reader would strain trying to understand it…do you want to lose your readers?
By the end of second chapter I was captivated by your voice and scared of by the continuous dialogue which I can hardly decipher.
Also, I’m expecting some more tension, to grab and hold my attention.
Backed on the strength of voice and flow.

I did buy into this world. At 3 I was well into it, and would read on. Backed

Lara
Good for Him

An interesting tale and well delivered. My only suggestion would be to shorten some of your early paragraphs as these can be rather daunting for the reader. The strange language works surprisingly well. Backed. Colin

ahh..the fairytales, the myths, the weaving of stories which all inevitably lead to truth!! And told here in such a unique, intriguing, ..even beautiful way! This touches something deep within each and every one of us. Love it!

Couldn't get one so started at two. Got the gist and was intrigued both by the sense of other worldly ness but also the odd language which I was trying to place regionally obviously not cockney! Anyway this felt strangely alive and the world portrayed quite dark and claustrophobic. I was carried forth in a kind of toxic frenzy whereby I strongly identified with the plight of the traveller.

Backed for imagination and tension.

Richard

A unique style which doesn't alienate the reader from the world it is set. Unlike pretty much any other fantasy I have ever read. It reminds me a bit of Terry Pratchett, the way we are brought into the characters mind and world without too much faffing like old fantasies.

Enjoyed it very much a definitely backed.

In the paragraph which starts "We walked for a while in silence." ten lines down you missed a w in was. Just a proof-reading error :)

Kevin
How Gods Frolic

Hello David, This is quite clever writing, although some of the dialect is difficult, but after reading a couple of times, it became easier. Everyone at some time, reaches a fork in a road and the way forward is chosen. Call it wisdom or fate, who knows. Collector of Tales is a unique concept. Well done and backed. Good luck with this.
I hope you enjoy A PASSING STORM.
Phyllis
A PASSING STORM

Dear David,
The Collector of Tales is outstanding work.... I am so happy to back it, and wish you much success.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

David, I read the first two chapters. Smooth and well done. Definitely one of the better books on authonomy.

Happy to back your work.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

I enjoyed this and the concept of this immensely. A male Sheherazade. I'd just like to say that I found it a little confusing in your various dialogues as to who was speaking, because you didn't start a new line for a new speaker. I liked your turn of phrase and some of the descriptors, e.g. skegs-hammered mind.
Backed
Lara
Good for Him

A clever story. Empathetic, well-drawn characters. Wonderfully detailed, vivid scenes. True-to-life dialogue. Insightful narrative. Astute writing. An absorbing read. Backed.

David

The point of view and voice you're writing with makes it easy to get inside his head and into the world. I read about half the first chapter and, though I have to admit, it's not the sort of book I normally read, I enjoyed what I read.
Good luck
Charlie

flowy prose with a gripping voice that narrates the story like a musical...this is beautiful...

hi david 'THE COLLECTOR OF TALES'

AFTERreading a few chapters of your book, i can honestly say that i enjoyed what i have read,
from the cover which is one of the better ones to the pitch which is intriguing i found it to be a compelling and interesting literaryl read ,
backed with pleasure
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

There is a mysterious quality to your book. An uncertainty of where it is taking you. Perhaps some philosophical elements will reward the reader. I checked out the first chapter & it is interesting, but I feel it could be improved. Vivid descriptions of where they are walking & the people would help the reader imagine it better. Also some of what is said in narration could be said in dialogue. Happily backed. Tim (Vitality)

The Collector of Tales. Chapter 1 to 3
First of all, I liked your book cover and found your pitch intriguing. They serve your story well.
In the story itself, the first few paragraphs of the first chapter feel dream like as the oldish man (" past his middle years") meets the younger and stronger man and they sit in the shade of the tree to share a meal. We learn the narrator is a collector of tales (not a bard!) and has travelled far in his search for more tales. As the strangers walk together, they each share a story. The collector of tales is intrigued by his companion's tale of the fire dancers and although he doesn't believe the tale, he decides to travel through the snow to investigate it more fully. Chilled to his bones and wary of wolves and other creatures, he's forced to seek shelter at a tavern he finds...and the atmosphere changes completely.
The reek of the tavern hits him and he's faced by a huge man with a bushy black beard and very bad breath. The collector struggles to understand the dialect and through his struggles and responses, I could just about work most of it out. Very funny, especially the "fawk'in farners"...I got that straight away. And I definitely understood the smell, dirt and foul drinks in the tavern which you describe so well. You had me itching my head when there was movement in that bushy black beard.
The weird customs of the villagers was fun too and the collector's mistakes resembled many a traveller's attempt at communication in foreign lands, where there's always the risk of offending unintentionally or of being sold a pig instead of the apple you thought you were asking for. I enjoyed the way any sign of politeness was seen as an insult and thought the haggling for the price of the horrible drink and the room was amusing, especially when the collector thought he'd a good bargain but then had taxes and deposits added to the agreed number of trupps by "Grendel's mother."
The room he hired didn't seem too bad at first until the description of the cold, the sheets and the scurrying of the trilobites in the night. The scene when he finds the snoring Mau'cum in his bed is funny and Grendel's mother's reasoning of him only having paid for the bed at night was nice and logical! But this alternative world is also familiar: the description eating songbirds with cloths over the (diner's) heads seems very strange, but I think they do that in parts of France, don't they? (Though possibly not with the singed feathers still on the little bird.)
It's amusing when Mar'kel tells the collector to talk properly... in English! And it did help the understanding of his story of the Fire Dancers.
I'm not sure where your story is heading but it is intriguing and great fun. You capture the atmosphere of the reeking tavern full of reeking customers liable to get violent at the slighest murmer of a "thank you". Your description of the Horshp's drink was stomach churning, especially when the MC took a sip of the oily mixture by mistake, and the dialect is strangely understandable in parts.
I noticed a few nitpicks along the way, nothing serious:
Chapter 1, fourth paragraph:
About half way through this paragraph, the word "fair " is used twice in quick succession. Maybe chose an alternative for one?
"I listened as the words as they washed over me..." perhaps the first "as" should be "to"?
Repetition of the word "points" "..at various points I made a point..."
Paragraph beginning "so it was on a cold winter's day..." the last sentence of that paragraph, should "once more time" be "one more time"?
"One more than one occcasion .." should that be "On more than one occasion"?
Good luck with this. BACKED.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

Your lead character has a distinctive voice which is establised surprisingly early and with very little preliminary descriptive text. I found your writing to be economical and effective and your world immediately believable. I really enjoyed your writing. Good luck with the book.