LEE CHON - The Advocate of the Point Guard

Hi Daniel,
I came back and read more. I like this book VERY MUCH.. I may have commented before, so this is just to say well done. Backed with real pleasure.
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

LEE CHON-ADVOCATE OF THE POINT GUARD-Daniel Escurel Occeno
hullo Daniel. Good story, starts out well with action but not too much. Leads the reader further into the story. Very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Having read the pitches, I wondered whether to bother, but I am glad that I did. You have a good writing style, which draws the reader in. Now get writing seriously, not just to enter competitions!

Best wishes Philip John

I joined Authonomy because I am serious. The writing community promises that editors and agents from all over the world can read our novels not just Harper Collins and their Imprints. How much more serious can I get? It would take me another five years to just to do snail mail correspondence with agents in the United States or try to find a publishing house that accepts submissions from the writer (not an agent) to almost equal the potential of this website. It is better than a contest.

Having read the pitches, I wondered whether to bother, but I am glad that I did. You have a good writing style, which draws the reader in. Now get writing seriously, not just to enter competitions!

Best wishes Philip John

I was pleasantly surpised by this, the pitch threw me a little but once I had a look I found this a pleasant read, an almost Murder She Wrote type story but one where your characters seem to layer it more, making it deeper than than it first seems, the hangover is an effective what the hell happened yesterday tool leaving it wide open to solving the mystery, good dialogue, good characters and a very pleasant read.

I created the characters Lee Chon, Desiree Chon, and Luigi Biscotto to enter a screenplay writing contest for ABC/Disney. The winner would get a 70K a year job writing for ABC/Disney. They wanted odd ball characters common in mystery TV shows like “Murder She Wrote” of an elder woman novelist solving murder mysteries or a “Cannon” or a “Columbo” or a “Barnaby Jones”. One of my favorites was “Hart to Hart” – a wealthy married couple solving mysteries with a live-in cook and driver, but ABC/Disney insisted on odd ball characters. I am 5’1” and I spent 36 years in the United States with the reputation of “I would marry Danny but you know he will be bum all his life.” And not because I was so much shorter. What I got for falling in love with taller from a wealthy family career minded women. Lee is a billionaire marrying my Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader fantasy, a 5’10” gorgeous blonde middle class genius. When I found Textnovel’s writing contest on a search engine, I decided to turn my screenplay into a novel to enter and created a new story. Since I moved back to live with my elderly parents in the Philippines, I changed the location giving me even more unusual situations. I am already hearing that Filipino women do not grow 5’10” or 6’ and blonde or brunette. Filipino men are not really good athletes and cannot grow 6’8” or even 6’5”. My relatives are blonde and my side of the family dyed their hair because of the Japanese occupation of WWII. Imagine eating certain foods to change genetics with a University of Santo Tomas, the best Medical University in all of Asia.

I was pleasantly surpised by this, the pitch threw me a little but once I had a look I found this a pleasant read, an almost Murder She Wrote type story but one where your characters seem to layer it more, making it deeper than than it first seems, the hangover is an effective what the hell happened yesterday tool leaving it wide open to solving the mystery, good dialogue, good characters and a very pleasant read.

The master of dialogue. Bravo.
Backed with real pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Reply to AUTHONOMY Comment on “LEE CHON – The Advocate of the Point Guard”

Thanks! I just finished the last chapter and re-reading now and read your comment while taking a break. I plan to load on the last chapter this evening, probably and continue to edit.

I originally wrote the novel to enter TEXTNOVEL’s writing contest and saw Authonomy with Textnovel in a search engine response and decided to find out what Authonomy was. I liked their concept of helping new writers so I joined and loaded my novel I was working on.

I met the number of words qualification for TEXTNOVEL’s writing contest.

It is my first completed novel ever submitted to a contest or publisher. It took 14 years but it was well worth writing.

The 50,000 words of LEE CHON - The Advocate of the Point Guard, I started writing the day I joined Textnovel. I had several rough drafts and notes of other novels never finished and I wanted to write a new one when I found the contest on a search engine.

A murder mystery fit the word count minimum so I decided to write a brand new novel.

I have been writing stories for children and articles for newspapers the past 14 years (with no income) and jotted on novel ideas, but with the expense of sending complete manuscripts from the Philippines to Manhattan, it was not really inspiring to finish one. It was the TEXTNOVEL contest and ease for someone in my situation that caused me to just sit down and write the 50,000 words.

It is satisfying to finish a submission for money, instead of just print publication.

Daniel Escurel Occeno – danielocceno@ymail.com (Pen Name: Enrique Gubat)

Hi Daniel, A fascinating array of characters, the tall Aquila and the ethnicities of Felix and Lee and their women. I wondered at the places where the phone rings and with entrances of characters – they’re written like directions which didn’t impede my reading at all but they were out of the usual style of the story. The issue with Felix is involving and especially with Lee’s arrangement for the fee. Felix’s lack of cooperation with Lee is also amusing and made me want to read on. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

The master of dialogue. Bravo.
Backed with real pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Seeing lots of 'Error pages' today, I will return for a review. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

LEE CHON - The Advocate of the Point Guard

Daniel Escurel Occeno - Pen Name: Enrique Gubat

Daniel,
I think the interesting info in your short pitch could actually go on your profile page - I would use both the short and long pitches to provide details about the story itself. Also, in my humble opinion, you don't need those "character notes" in your long pitch. Use the space or word limit you are provided with to sell your story to the public - which is for now, Authonomy readers. At the end of chapter one do you need to write "To be continued in Chapter 2 . . . ?? The reader knows this . . .) "I am more of a concrete jungle than sandy beaches..." - you have some nice lines that appealed to me. The husband/wife relationship is a charming one which you define at the start, and even though you begin with the mundane, whether they should eat breakfast or not, there is a simplicity and realism to the writing which appeal to me. Is it possible for you to label this as anything else in addition to fiction? That way, you get more visibility through tagging various genres. The plot reads a little like crime/thriller - but haven't read deeply enough to say for sure if these could also be potential tags - you would know best. Or perhaps even literary fiction? You have a whole lot of dialogue in this lengthy first chapter - perhaps a few descriptive passages in between might add some extra colour and atmosphere to the writing? Anyway, just some things which struck me as I read your pitches and chapter one. Dump in the bin if you feel like as I'm no expert Daniel. Best of luck with this book and on this very "interesting" site.

This is something more than a text written for a competition and deserves to be treated as such.

BACKED

Lee chon
Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

LEE CHON
This is an interesting story. You have a good detective in Lee Chon; he has a bigger than usual task ahead of him in this story because he’s asked to solve a murder and he’s not on his home turf. You have a simple, straight forward writing style that makes this easy to read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear Daniel, I love your intriguing suspenseful story & wish you had finished it so I could see what happened. :) Your pitch drew me in to read & I thought, "probably like a Jackie Chan movie." :) Great read with nice tight dialogue & paragraphs. :) I've backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Welcome to Authonomy.

One thing you might try to make it read more naturally (at least as far as American English) is to use more contractions. Of course, if people in the Philippines do not use contractions then I guess you should leave it as is.

Also, you might want to drop things such as (Musical tone) which almost seem like stage direction for a play.

Regards,
Kevin Clark
(Will of God)

I like the pitch!