Earth Reaver

I just wanted to say good job with this story. I am painfully aware of the difficulty of world crafting and you seem to be in great control of the one you have created here. the characters are likeable enough to draw you in and the settings are vast and original. im glad to see that you were not roped in by the tolken casting of fantasy creatures and werent afraid to venture out on your own in the fantasy genre. i belive we need more writers like you in the world who arent afraid to break the molds and challenge the fantasy concepts that have such a strong foothold on the genre. good job on the story and i hope you continue to write for a long time to come.

Hello Herschel' 'Earth Reaver'

Intrigued after reading the prologue and chapter 1' almost film like scene as the armies locked together. brought to my mind the similar scene in the film 'Braveheart' so creative, and full of imaginativeness, in my minds eye i was in there. well done and a good lead in to the story, showing great premise. i read chunks after that chapters 7 -11 and 21 and the fantasy story did not fail, like the characters who are very suitably named ,and the usage of capital letters in the dialogue in chapter 21 very effective,
In this genre of fantasy i give it six stars, its so well written in a literary style '
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

Herschel Shirley (Earth Reaver)
This I found to be a very enjoyable read and I look forward to reading the remaining chapters when submitted. It's a well written book and it's clear that a lot of time has been spent on it. I'm BACKING your book and have a space for it on my bookshelf. Good luck with your writing in the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

A very enjoyable read - very well written. I particularly enjoyed the descriptive qualities of the prologue; you could practically see the desolation of the landscape.

Backed with pleasure,

Meg Wearing

Good central premise that promises a lot for the future, writing that flies along, well structured society that feels real

Herschel,

Chapter 3 was an enjoyable read. I'm interested to see how Timbow's role will play out in this world. I'll be back soon.

- Scott

Herschel,

I finally have found the time to read on in your book. I just finished chapter two and thuroughly enjoyed it. You have a great writing style and character building skills. I like how you had the one character speak in all capps and your ending to the chapter was just right. I'm interested to see what happens from here. I'll be back tomorrow to read more and I'll comment again. Thanks.

Have a great day!

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

Hi Herschel. Though not my usual choice of literature I do like the way you write, it is clear and precise. Dialogue is a little sparse but what there is, is believable. I would check your apostrophes in names like: 'Leaf'kin', as some appear to be back to front (unless this is intentional). Backed with pleasure. Best Wishes. James.

Oh yeah...Most definitely backed!
Hope you enjoyed Twin Fates and The Sorcerer's Soul (and don't worry, the Sorcerer's Soul does get better, it only starts off a little slow!)
~Richard

Hello Herschel - Earth Reaver.
There is much to like about the first two chapters I read. I really like the terminology 'the madness of brothers.' I also thought the idea of the tattoos Phae is marked with were an intriguing idea and their usage even more so. You go straight into the action though I found some of your descriptions were not necessary and slowed the pace down. Phae is a good character but her opponent, the Master and the name of the land he dwells in, bear too close a resemblance to the Lord of the Rings. You clearly have a very good imagine and can, in my opinion, overcome this easily. Young adults I believe are difficult to write for as it is hard to gauge language that should be used. You've had a really good stab at it though I feel your book needs a little more work.
Best wishes and good luck,

Child - Atramentus Speaks

I may be the wrong person to read your work. I often write fantastic literature myself, so of course I enjoy the genre, but my taste runs to the classics - Tolkien, of course, and Eddison, Peake, MacDonald, Morris, and the like. I had the pleasure of meeting Terry "Shannara" Brooks at a couple cons, being a SFWA member myself, and he's a very nice man, but I couldn't drag myself through his very competently written but highly derivative books.

Your work, Herschel, is clearly a "love child". You have evidently put a great deal of work into it, and I'm sure you fiercely believe in it - this is no hack work, no pulp potboiler, turned out just for the paycheck. Still, one must recognize that, ever since the "Tolkien Event", there has been a veritable flood of these fantasies, some relatively well-done, but most of them blending into an indistinguishable cosmic soup. Amidst this plethora, says I, a work must really stand out as different, as viscerally original, if it wants to stand a chance of serious publication.

Take for example Steve Donaldson's "Thomas Covenant" series. His work is in this same fantasy milieu, but clearly, in a number of significant ways, he turns the genre on its head. The main character for much of the early part of the story disbelieves in the world he has come to inhabit and indeed, in the very first chapter, rapes a woman. This would have never happened in Tolkien and the other Greats. Or consider André Norton's "Witch World" series (I had the pleasure of knowing her, by the way), which benefits from some quite unusual plotlines that leave the reader breathless.

Your writing style is clear and supple, your characters are assuredly more than cardboard cutouts, and your plot is engaging. Still, while certainly I like your work, and I admire your effort to write with a solid quality, nevertheless, it lacks that extra something - that blast of the utterly unique - that would make it stand out. Let me put it this way... I've been writing novels for about forty years. It took me FOUR "trunk novels" (as we call them in the profession) before I really learned how to write something worth sharing with others. I love these novels as much as anything I've written since. But I know they are not to be published; indeed, I hope they are burned the day after I croak. I would respectfully and warmly encourage you now to put "Earth Reaver" aside and set yourself to using your fine writing skills to create a work that truly stands apart from the mass-produced fantasies. And in this venture I wish you the very best.

I like the style of this piece, and love the description. I could imagine everything you wrote about, and I enjoyed reading the amount I read. However it does need a lot of work on the punctuation to ensure that it flows smoothly. Try reading some of it out loud, as that tends to help the placement of commas. Also, there are two 'but's repeated in first para.

Wishing you all the best,
Dagura
'Rising Seas'

Very strong opening, well written in classic English style, a well-thought-out and executed story line. A little tiny bit more scene-setting would be great, so we know where we are and what it all looks like. Best of luck with this work.

The images you paint throughout bring your writing to life. Starting with a gripping opening and building from there with clear focus on characters and setting.

Well captured fantasy that intrigues the reader and makes for compulsive reading.

I wish you every success.

Jane

A women warrior who can more than handle herself in close combat. A tracker and hunter belonging to an elite band, responsible for bringing in game in the Free wood. Phae is a marvellous character, formidable and mysterious akin to 'Red Sonya' but without a vendetta or grievance.
Great opening chapter a nice balance of past and present, with the revelation that she is destined to become someone, or do something in the future.
Authonmy doesn't allow for books to be read in their entirety because of time stipulations, and the requirement for more backings, the editors desk and all that. But if i ever had the time then 'Earth Reaver' would be one of the books I'd choose, even though its incomplete.
Backed with pleasure
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

Hi
You set the scene well, very descriptive. I have a detailed picture of Pheaedora in my mind, a sort of cross between the elves in LOR & Keira Knightley in King Arthur! You write well; I couldn't see any mistakes.
BACKED with pleasure.
Raquel.

You've got a lot of details - such as Phae's tattoos - that make the world more engaging and convincing. Nice end to Chapter 1. Phae is a strong, likable character. :)
With regards to the prologue and the beginning, I agree with the other comments in that there is a great opportunity here to show instead of tell. I'd love, for example, to see the battle in the prologue from the point of view of one of the combatants - to feel the strain he's under instead of being told about it. After the prologue, the exposition you give of the world could be inserted almost entirely as needed. You could mention Phae's questions about her past as she scratches at her tattoos instead of telling about the tattoos and then having her scratch at them.
Also, (minor thing here), Phae's thoughts should be italicized instead of put in quotes.
Best of luck,
Vsuvi

interesting and fun run read.

Backed! I'm doing this from my phone and it is too difficult to comment. Will do so later.
RB

This gets better and better each time I read it. I love the names of people and places you've enriched your book with particular. Backed with pleasure, Sana x

Why wouldn't a hunter want to look good? If there is such pride in the hunting skills and prowess then she would exact those same qualities the rest of her life and personality, besides would you rather hunt as a beautiful tiger or mangy hyena, well wriiten, lovely execution all wrapped in a solid concept alive with good characters, go with your instincts and sometimes the characters will surprise even you.

I'm very intrigued by Phae, but I have to agree with earlier comments about the emphasis on her physical description and the structure of her society. She's a hunter...on a hunt: she isn't thinking about how pretty she is. The description of her tattoos was very cool though.

The social structure should be something experienced...how does she fit, or not fit into it. She's apparently breaking a glass ceiling. In Clan of the Cavebear, for example, Ayla was banished and regarded as dead for a whole month in the dead of winter with a newborn child because she touched a weapon. After that, she was a hunter and the clan accepted it. If the fact that she's female is impressive, we need to see how females are regarded in her society, how she's respected or not by other women and her hunting peers. If this is addressed, its unnecessary to say that she's impressive. The reader will gather that.

So I'm very interested in Phae and her people, but I think the story is starting in the wrong place and with the wrong emphasis. She's a hunter...she just woke up somewhere other than home. What does she hear? What does she smell? What are the first things she sees? You have an opportunity to wake us up into her world and see it the way she does.

Just my opinion. Good luck!

interesting piece of fantasy, and good treatment of the elf theme

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze Mirror

ch 10 is posted as "apter 10" There are a couple formatting glitches too. Easy to fix. I really like Phae. She comes alive in dialogue. I'd read this just to follow her. Many of the references were lost on me as I read the suggested 1,7,10--but Phae held it together. I wouldn't be so cavalier with the naming of Ta 'briende, but that's not my call is it.

Nicely done.

ch7: equally interesting. Although it is less common to have a heroine, and in that sense ch 1 stood out. you accidentally pasted portions of this section twice. Might want to review the whole manuscript for similar errors.

You have a way of making the strange creatures believable--and visible to the readers eye. It's a nice touch.

Ch 1: Phae is compelling and the action interesting so as a beginning it works well. I think perhaps to tell us she is an excellent physical specimen is overwriting. As that is made clear by her behavior and her competence in the world.

This is really not my genre, but you have an engaging style. Your scene descriptions and characterisation are also excellent. Backed. Colin

Omens, portents, farseeing - this is the starting point of the legend - Ta 'Chiot is foretold. From there, Phae seems almost familiar, her concerns recognisable though she may be an exceptional person, and perhaps not human. Still, she seeks to discover her father's face in her own. The changing tattoos are intriguing too.

Then the story really does get going - the attack and the chase are exceptional, as is the discussion followed by the hand-to-hand fight - superb. She's quick to make the connection with the burning of the tattoos, and to make other connections too.

Seems whatever wanted her dead is now sending someone else, and some skulduggery takes place with the warrior's body. Then Timbow - Mor'waen is moving these players around like chess pieces. Does Mor indicate 'of the sorcerers', I wonder...

At first, I thought this was going to be a fairly routine high fantasy; it quickly becomes apparent that it is anything but. There is the world-building, of course, but it never stands in the way of the characters who breathe vigorous life into this exciting plot. Like a jigsaw, it kept me juggling the clues, finding the pieces that fit: Phae is one of the three, and so is Timbow. Who is the third? So many reasons to keep reading ... backed.

Possible nits: Consider simplifying the opening line: 'Scholars say that myths are stories people believe which may or may not be true while ...' I wonder whether the full prophesy needs spelling out here, so early? 'poured [pored] over the words'. 'chanced another peak [peek]'. 'legendry mythical warriors' as the novel opens with the difference between myth and legend, should both be used here? 'small knot of trees ... small water skin'.

I agree with Steven J. Pemberton--I'd like to see the action start sooner and he's right about not delving into history. Your most important paragraphs are going to be the first ones.

You have an admirable command of language and you write beautifully.
Eileen

Fantastic opening; solid writing. Backed with pleasure.

Your pitches are good, though the sentence beginning "A great catastrophic event" is too vague.

I'm not keen on prophecies, as they're hard to do well, but I'm glad that Low 'bye finds what he's written almost as incomprehensible as I do.

This is probably a minority view, but I would start chapter 1 much closer to the fight between Phae and Thorgred. At the start of the story, I don't care about the culture or politics of the Leaf'kin or the Kendara. You're writing a story, not an essay. I don't particularly care about what she's wearing, or how beautiful she is - a character who thinks about that a lot comes across as vain, which is not a sympathetic quality in a main character. I *do* care that somebody is trying to kill her when she has no idea why. Once you've shown me that Phae's an interesting character and convinced me to care about what happens to her, then you can start filling in the background of her culture and world.

Once you get to the fight, things pick up. It seems rather dim of Phae to run and tire herself out if she thinks Thorgred will follow her. The dunes could provide cover, and she has a bow, so wouldn't it be more sensible to try to hit Thorgred from a distance?

I got confused as to the nature of the boundary between the desert and the forest. I don't think you'd get trees in sufficient numbers to justify calling them a forest within half a day's journey of somewhere that sand is deep enough to form dunes and gets too hot to touch by mid-morning. Or if you did, there would be some sort of physical barrier that held the desert and the forest apart, like a valley or a mountain range, or the forest being on higher ground.

I wondered why Thorgred was looking for Phae in the desert, since she lives in the forest. I thought he might've used some sort of magic to make the cat go into the desert, to lure Phae after it and away from her people. But then he follows her back to the forest, so he's obviously not worried about running into more Leaf'kin. Or has he come from the other side of the desert looking for her? If so, that would be worth explaining.

Just a few thoughts... I hope they're useful.

Hi Herschel

A fascinating completely imagined glimpse into a different world. You throw us right in without lots of boring exposition and get the narrative going straight away. A sympathetic MC and lots of teasers to keep the reader hooked. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

I like how you put you immediately put a face to elves in Phae, her thoughts about her origins gives us a quick look into the structure of her society. Maybe it will help to be a little subtle when it comes to females in her society just acquiring entrance into a male-dominated field? Because that little part feels like a bit of an information dump. Well written, best of luck with this.

E. (Silver Flows East)

I enjoyed your pitches, Herschel. You're a fantasy man of the old school.


VS

Your wonderful story conjures up fascinating images and interesting characters. A great fantasy which show cases your talent. Backed with pleasure. Eunice. - The Temple Dancer.

Perfect fantasy. The battle with the assassin is brilliantly done.
Backed
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

An intriguing fantasy journey filled with surprises. Well-crafted characters with real emotions. Excellent dialogue and narrative. Inventive storyline. Only one nit: Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness. Other than that, this is lucid writing. Backed.

Just read the prologue & half of chapter 1 due to time. I could imagine Phaedora & liked her. Also I could imagine the surroundings. Then it gets exciting. So I like what I read of chapter 1. If I'm honest, I'm not keen on the prologue. It's atmospheric & authentic, but it didn't pull me in & make me want to read more. I would prefer to just start with chapter 1. But that's just a taste thing. As I enjoyed chapter 1 I'm happy to back this. Tim (Vitality)

Fantasy is always difficult for me because my mind does not stretch to other worlds and civilisations. However I recognise that you have a vivid imagination and have used it effectively in creating this world and inhabiting with creatures such as Phae, the huntress, dark eyes, tattoos et al. Good luck K.J.

Your fantasy is well written. The characters are original, unique and well thought. You've got an imaginative mind and you used it well in this book. I could sit down and read this book for hours on end. It's certainly a moderate classification. My older son loves to read books like this. He's not on the site. But, I will refer him to this book. Thanks for posting. I honestly and truly hope that you do well.

P.s. Check out Owen Quinn, The Time Warriors, for my other favorite book. I just thought I'd pass along another enjoyable read. I will be back to read yours before his though. Have a great day!

Herschel,

What a way you have with words and a vivid imagination! I read the first chapter, which I always do for people, but sometimes I do it because I said I would. With your work I read it all because you made we want to read it. I want to know what's going to happen in this story. You've created a world that is orrigional and all your own and used your descriptions to bring the characters to life for us.
Phae is fantastic. I love your in depth descriptions of her in the beginning of chapter one and I love the way her body works to warn her of things. This is one of my favorite two books on this site. If you get this published or self publish it through createspace or somewhere else please let me know so that I can buy a copy. I will be back to read more here until then.
Great Job! This book is truely enjoyable.

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

07 September 2010
Earth Reaver is so intricately woven that I imagine the author planned, organised each chapter, then melded them all together to produce an engrossing saga. The scenarios are graphically vivid and the characters, despite or perhaps due to their outlandish names, are 'different' but initiate empathy from the reader. The scale and scope of Earth Reaver is ambitious but there is no doubt that this author will not fall short. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Hi Herschel.

Spotted your book and from your background I am interested to read what you have to say. I have backed the book and will read it tonight ( If i like the pitch or background i'll back before a read as i get confused over who i have backed and not backed - i think it comes with age....

Will revert with comments wehn i have read ...

david
The Collector of Tales

Hi Herschel. Astonishing how much the idea for this book of yours mirrors another one of mine I am currently polishing the first book. I'm looking fwd to reading in depth.

Very creative. Many worlds within a world, complete with a history and culture for each. The plot structure sets up nicely for an exciting extended trilogy. Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Quick paced action scenes (Phae would do well in the UFC) and oodles of colorful dungeons and dragons. Very well plotted - which lays a great foundation for the subsequent books.

A unique premise that is so far well written - backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

The cosmology is convincing right from the get-go . . . Back 'ed.
sc

Hi Herschel,

I'm a lover of fantasy with this being my chosen genre to write in and hence I tend to be very critical of works in my chosen field. Having said that I loved the story you have woven for us here as it has all the depth that I would expect from a well writen fantasy work and it's easy to lose yourself in your world.

Some nit picks tho: I did find the opening poem by the bard a little confusing and for me it didn't work well. I was able to read on past it though and the rest of the work is quite wonderfully written. Secondly I don't know of any place on earth where dense forrest gives way to barren desert without a semi arid land in between. It might be possible of course in your fantasy world but it didnt work well for me.

Nits aside I like the way you write and you should feel proud of the work you have produced.

Backed with pleasure

Andrew Monk