Book Jacket

 

rank 143
word count 17168
date submitted 20.08.2010
date updated 18.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Comedy, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Cambridge List

Robert Clear

A devilishly dark comedy.

 

An action-packed dark comedy about gods, sex and death amidst the ivory towers of Cambridge University.

James Connor thinks that murdering his former professors in cold blood is rather a bad idea. Unfortunately his head has been commandeered by a bloodthirsty family of Greek gods, so he doesn’t have a say in the matter. With Hera and Aphrodite at each other’s throats and Dionysos failing to keep order, James’s brain has become a cosmic conflict zone, and he’s worried they’ll leave it in ruins. There’s only one way out: he has to go from socially inept young man to slick sociopath fast. If only he wasn’t so squeamish about mass slaughter.

Forget the serene deities you’ve seen carved in ancient marble. Forget the quaint charm of England’s most English university. Here in the cut-and-thrust world of Cambridge the rule of the jungle prevails, and nothing is sacred. Follow the world’s least menacing serial killer on his awkwardly murderous journey, where ancient rituals, scheming academics and divine politics collide. And where murder has consequences unforeseen even by the gods themselves...

With its irreverent tone and dark humour, The Cambridge List reads like Roald Dahl for adults.

 
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tags

cambridge, comedy, comedy thriller, conspiracy, death, ever so english, funny, geek, greek gods, kill'n, mafia, moider, murder, politics, revenge, sex...

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CHAPTER ONE

 

A cold wind whipped across the Fens and through the little city of Cambridge. It has travelled this vacant land since long before the spires of churches and the turrets of towers pierced the vast East Anglian sky. It will continue to journey here long after grass has covered the untilled earth and the square-cut stones are buried deep beneath. On this cold morning the wind brought with it droplets of rain. Landing across the city they covered it in a fine film, imparting a fluidic, slippery beauty to the ancient colleges and narrow streets.

Bollocks, thought James Connor. This place is fucking miserable when the rain gets up.

In his tiny room on the top floor of Elite Learners English Language School the only source of light was the grime-encrusted roof window, inches from his head. The view offered little more than a few branches of a neighbouring tree (the only few that it had left, in fact). As far as he was concerned the glass was a thin membrane separating him from the infinite grey abyss beyond.

He was into the second hour of the working day, though it felt like the twelfth, and his latest student was horrendous. When he had taken the job at the school he had been told that his role would be to teach academic English to advanced international learners.

“We’re considered one of the posher schools,” his boss, Abigail, had told him during the interview. James had summoned all the strength his facial muscles could muster to avoid grimacing at this, though the task was made harder by her teeth-clenchingly nasal voice.

The truth had been apparent from day one, when he had been lumbered with two teenage students, neither of whom could scrounge together a word of English. They had set an unbreakable precedent for his time there.

As he tried to ignore the incessant tapping of the branches on the glass James glanced at his latest student. Mischka, the nineteen year-old Russian, had been stumbling through an ancient and battered English language textbook, and was now on ‘Chapter Three: A Typical Workplace Dialogue.’

“Can you direct me to the Photostat machine?” she asked to thin air, in the guise of Mrs Smith, the hypothetical secretary at the fictional cement works. “Yes of course,” she replied as Mr Brown, the firm’s director. “It’s the first room on the right, straight down the hall.”

My God, this is boring, thought James. He had lost count of the number of times he had heard this script, and now his skull ached at the tedium.

“What is ‘Photostat machine’?” asked Mischka.

James sighed.

“Oh, er, it’s a very old photocopier.”

Mischka looked mildly suspicious, but hesitantly resumed the script.

“How many secretaries are there in the typing pool?” she asked as Mr Wilkins, accountant at the cement works.

James cringed inwardly. For God’s sake. Why can’t Elite Learners afford text-books that were made this century? What next, ‘Where is the nearest air-raid shelter?’

“What is ‘typing pool’?” asked Mischka.

“It’s a large body of secretaries who… well it’s a very old-fashioned term that…” He could see her drifting off. “Just carry on.”

“There are seventeen secretaries in the typing pool,” she said, once again as Mr Brown.

I’m not sure how many more times I can stand this, thought James in an increasingly frustrated internal monologue that he had repeated as often as he had heard the turgid script. Oh bollocks, Mischka’s looking at me in that weird way again. I’d better look interested or I’ll end up mumbling to myself again. God, that was embarrassing last time.

Mischka paused and arched an eyebrow.

“What is ‘bollocks’?” she asked.

 

*    *    *

 

Two floors below, Abigail Price was stirring skimmed milk into her weak, urine-coloured tea as she cast her mind to James. Her newest recruit was such a sullen boy. If she hadn’t been so hard-up for staff she would never even have considered him. She wasn’t one to be nasty, but he really was about as wet as a patch of frogspawn, and with about half the personality.

At this point James walked into the student common room, which doubled as Abigail’s office. With an effort to disguise her thoughts she turned to him and smiled.

“How was your lesson?”

“Oh, very good thanks,” he said absently. This ritual occurred at the end of every day and was invariably followed by a few words about the next week’s intake. But not today.

“James,” said Abigail, her false smile metamorphosing into a frown. “I want to talk to you about your work. Now I haven’t exactly had any complaints about your teaching but everyone has been noticing how… well… how miserable you look. It’s beginning to affect your rapport with the students. You’ve been late more than once in the past few weeks too. Is everything okay?”

The concern in her voice was so artificial as to render the words almost meaningless, and James was in two minds as to whether the question was rhetorical.

“Er… well…” he stuttered. For a moment he was almost tempted to tell Abigail the truth. “I’m fine,” he said. “Some problems at home, but they’ve cleared up now.”

The ‘personal issues’ lie was a classic, and he felt sure it would get the old cow off his back for the time being. But it wouldn’t keep him in the clear forever.

Abigail let out a small, exasperated sigh.

“Fine. See you tomorrow. Try to be in on time.”

Zoning out whilst Abigail made inane chat was usually easy. Having to avoid explaining that something was wrong, however, was not. Over the last two months he had become used to disguising his depression with the appearance of mere sullenness, and avoiding contact with others during periods when his anxiety attacks were more frequent. Now, though, his mask was beginning to slip, and having the fact pointed out by someone else jarred him.

He left the school and walked home down Park Road. The wind whipped up the leaves around him but he didn’t notice. People passed him by, huddled against the chill, but they were unreal. Nothing beyond his body had substance, but was hollow and without form.

 

*    *    *

 

James lived in a large house in the leafy surroundings of Jesus Green. It was owned by his old college, Midsummer, whose notoriously slow administration had failed to turf him out even though he had finished at Cambridge over two months ago. His housemates were all still engaged in their studies.

    Dumping his coat and bag in the hallway he made his way upstairs to his bedroom. It was a pigsty and had been so for a long time. During the last two months he had neglected all domestic chores, and his clothes lay strewn in towering piles. His appearance too had become ever more dishevelled, unnoticed by himself but increasingly apparent to those he lived with. Jumping onto the bed he eased backwards on aching muscles, but as soon as his head touched the pillow a knock at the door made him flinch.

“Who the hell is that?” he muttered under his breath.

“Jimmy are you there? I heard you come in.”

“Er… yeah come in, mate,” said James. He tried his best to clear the irritation from his voice and appear friendly.

The door opened and in came Rasheed Arash, known to all, even his fellow PhD researchers at the biotech labs, as ‘Bumrash.’

“Hey Jimmy,” he said with a tentatively light-hearted note. “I haven’t seen you for over a week. Why are you keeping yourself to yourself these days?”

“Oh, no reason, I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” said James. As soon as he registered a note of concern in Bumrash’s voice he found it more difficult to maintain the façade.

“Have you been applying for any more jobs?”

“Yeah but nothing’s come back. That bitch at the language school has been on my case about looking sullen, and I know she won’t think twice about letting me go.”

“That’s rough, man. I can’t believe you still can’t find a job. It’s like the fates are conspiring against you or something. Everyone else I know from your year is working, and one or two have really landed on their feet. David Slaker’s started off on forty grand, and they pay his....”

“Bloody hell, Bumrash, you’re not making me feel any better. These last few months have been the worst of my life.”

“I know, they really screwed you over. I thought that after they stitched you up you’d at least be able to find a job in town.”

“That’s the worst of it. I was torn up at what those bastards did.”

“I know, I know. Although if you think about it, failing your degree is sort of a mark of distinction. You know, ‘street cred’ and all that. Years from now, when you’re fixed up with a career and a place of your own, you’ll look back on this and laugh.”

“I thought I’d get over it straight away if I could just find a proper job and put it all behind me. Instead I’ve ended up at that shit-hole of a language school. My prospects are well and truly crap. I don’t want to sound self-pitying, but…”

“No, no, mate, I completely understand. To be honest we’ve all been worried about you, especially over the last few weeks. You’ve become really distant with everyone, and we’re supposed to be your friends. Did you go to the doctor like I suggested?

“Yeah I went a couple of days ago. He told me my anxiety attacks were stress–related and that I should make ‘lifestyle changes.’”

“No surprise there,” said Bumrash. “That’s why I decided to take things into my own hands.”

A cunning look entered his eyes.

“What do you mean? What have you been up to?”

“Well you know what happened with my research, don’t you?”

“Er… no. I’m sorry, I haven’t been paying much attention to anything lately. Remind me.”

Bumrash gave a sigh of mock exasperation. “Jimmy you’re useless,” he grinned. “We’d been working on a new drug called Flanoxiride. Studies were pretty far advanced, almost at the human trial stage, but then the private sponsors pulled the funding and the whole project folded.”

“I see,” said James with only a vague sense of recollection.

“Well Flanoxiride had a number of different applications, but the most promising was as a new type of anti-depressant. In the lab tests the results were amazing. In rats whose brain chemistry had been altered to inhibit serotonin levels the drug returned them to a state of neurological stability almost immediately.”

“So what are you suggesting? It sounds pretty amazing but you’ve only tested it on rats. And in any case the project has been scrapped.”

“Yeah those bastards pulled the money after two whole years of labour. It worked out all right for me in the end. I got transferred to the Mex-Gen project. But I still wish we’d have been allowed to go through to the human testing stage.”

The expression of intent was unmistakable and he leaned forwards conspiratorially.

“Bummers, you’re not suggesting…”

“I want to test the pills on you.”

“What? You want to use me as a human guinea pig for your failed experiment?”

“It’s not failed,” said Bumrash. “Just stalled. Honestly I wouldn’t be suggesting this if I didn’t think it was safe and that it could help you. Like I said, we’re all worried, and if your boss has noticed then things must be bad.”

He made a good point but James was highly dubious.

“But how would you even get hold of the Flanoxiride? You said the experiment finished a while ago. Surely all the samples were disposed of?”

Now the look of cunning became one of triumph.

“Not quite,” he said. “I took a stash when they cleared out the lab. I couldn’t bear to part with it, and something told me that I might be able to make use of it.”

“Bumhole, I couldn’t…”

“It’s safe, man. Trust me, I’m a qualified doctor and I’ll monitor your progress. I’m not gonna be breathing down your neck or anything, what with all the time I’m spending in the lab, but I promise it’ll be okay. A couple of months is all I’m asking.”

James sighed. He had nothing to lose. A glance at tomorrow’s timetable lying crumpled on his desk was enough to persuade him.

“Fuck it. I’ll do it.”

 

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markwoodburn wrote 370 days ago

Absolutely mad! Admittedly at first not my type of thing but decided to give it a go and yes...I can see why this has been so popular! Trying to think who wouuld be the best director for the inevitable film...Scorcese, Ritchie???
Brilliant, starred, regards, Mark

not so ancient greek wrote 480 days ago

A thoroughly enjoyable read, clever yet accessible. It has a true British feel and is darkly funny, original and gives a glimpse of what life is like in modern Cambridge academia. Being Greek myself I loved all the gods and goddesses. I could imagine a series of spin off novels. Also I think that the story has lots of potential as a basis for a film.

Hope that this book is published soon so that I can read on!

CarrotyNell wrote 497 days ago

What a splendid piece of work. Intriguing and thought-provoking story-line, vivid characterisation, beautifully flowing prose and authentic dialogue - you can hear the voices. Deserves to be published.

sandea wrote 527 days ago

I believe this book is a masterpiece. Whoever would have imagined combining humour with the thriller genre? Obviously Henry Fleet, and with magnificent results. I would rate this author with my all-time favorites and hope to see this work in print.

Orlando Furioso wrote 534 days ago

I was pissing myself laughing at the end of Ch3. Well done.
It took me a while to get my head round things but once you started to mainline with the wit I was on msg. I know the Eagle and I rather like the notion of wreaking revengue upto the ivory tower denizens. I wanted to bayonet the ambassador's son. Some of the descriptions were cracking. I esp liked the followers:
-- Abigail had become ... etc ... degenerated into a withered malnuoruished husk.'
-- the harmonic tapestry
(when I read Shut the fuck up I got notes of Madonna)
-- rodent like compulsioh to seek out the most inconspicuous dark corners...'
-- From around the corner came a girl of about nineteen ... fell freely crom her cheaply glossed lips.'
(Hera bursting in for some inexplicable reason aroused an image of a young and sexed up Maggie Thatcher)
-- Hera raised a tightly clenched... The Muse's crumpled form.'
-- hi, Jonny Jester!
-- '...erection breached the elasticated preimeter of his boxer shorts and poked its head over the parapet.'
-- Fattt Mason ... a truly horrifying monster in all ways, bodily, attitudinaly, ugly in all ways ... in fact I want to kill the sexless sexist bitch myself.
-- little sardine that slips the jaws of a dolphin
-- A month later after his thesis...found the ideas too radical...less than a pass.' Bastards.
-- the Ghost of Virginity Past
I like the gods raging around in his drug addled brain and the notion of running out the whole rotten crew of self-serving professors. The Eagle will never be the same again. Cheers. I also have a dear friend who teaches in a lang school in cambs...will onpass the read to him. And get you on my shelf as soon as someone drops off.
*bows*

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 6 days ago

Unusual I think is one word to describe this! It took me a while to get into it but slowly I managed to get my head round your style. Your description of The Cambridge List is thriller, crime, comedy, but I would include fantasy in there as well so as to appeal to readers who like this genre. The humour is quite dark and sharp. I like the character of Bumrash. Good job he isn't the sensitive type! The part where the song is about fish and chips is hilarious. From experience I have found that publishers are very wary of books that don't fit neatly into categories so you might have difficulty placing this but hang in there and don't change it. Sometimes it is refreshing to read a novel that is a bit left of centre. Good luck with this.

Kim (Pain)

Albasam wrote 27 days ago

Refreshing and enjoyable read, great characters and dialogue. Excellent.

AndrewStevens wrote 107 days ago

Happy to back this again, Robert. It's such a good read, one of my favourite books on the site.

Philchurch77 wrote 128 days ago

Hi,

This is a great idea and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the first chapter. Also, I live in Cambridge and have done for many years. I love the way you describe the city and bring in the geography of the Fens early on - nothing like a Fen wind to chill you through. Always good to see someone combining genres and surely there is no better target than the Cambridge elite for a bit of light-hearted fun. I will be backing this and hoping to see a copy in the Cambridge Waterstone's in the near future.

Phil

AndrewStevens wrote 182 days ago

I absolutely loved this, Robert. On my shelf.

The prose is crisp and clean and very polished with a subtle, controlled elegance which contrasts really effectively with the often quite surreal plot developments and comic dialogue. The various characters feel real and distinct and, even after a couple of chapters, I'm already engrossed in this strange, mundane/madcap world.

Love the conversational exchanges. The humour comes across most strongly in the dialogue with some wonderfully inventive but still utterly believable exchanges (I especially enjoyed the conversation with Mischka which immediately brought to mind Magda in Lead Balloon!!) Fabulous stuff.

The plot definitely sounds original (!!) with plenty of scope for escapade and humour. As others have suggested, I can see this being developed as a film or TV series which, I think, is testament to the immersive quality of your writing.

This really is one of the best comic novels I've read on the site. Thanks and best of luck. A

LizX wrote 224 days ago

Slap! How could you do it to me?

I went back and read your opening paragraph three times just to make sure I hadn't gone word blind. Why did you swap tenses from sentence one to sentence two and right in the midst of all that beautifully turned out description. Which, by the way, made me quite homesick. If you'd have written “It had” and “it would continue to journey there”, I'd have given you ten out of ten for one of the best opening paras I've read in a while, but as the case may be, I'm sending you a slap with my ruler instead!

Your comedic timing is first class. I'd forgiven you for the start and put my ruler away by the time I'd finished the first scene.

The one thing which drew my attention in the second scene was the lack of difference in the voices of Bumrash and James. They were difficult to distinguish. I was disappointed you didn't give Bumrash the dialect he deserved. He was a bit too English and didn't come over as a Pakistani at all. To cheer myself up, I went back to the end of scene one and read it again!

Loved the pub history and the introduction to The Muse was really well done. I could just imagine “the chav” sitting in the pub with him.

Best description... like a cat being beaten to death with a pair of bagpipes.! Truly unique!

bigmouth wrote 254 days ago

Hello.

I read all five chapters you have up here and below are some thoughts and suggestions. I hope you find them useful.

THE GOOD STUFF

Great opening. Well-paced and very funny.

At its best it reminded me of Tom Holt's real world meets fantasy world novels.

The premise is intriguing and has lots of commercial potential.

I like the visions/hallucinations that The Muse creates to communicate with James. Nice touch.

THE NOT-SO-GOOD STUFF

The dialogue needs work. It can be stilted in places. The conversation with Bumrash being a good example. I am not sure people actually speak like that, it seemed like you were using it to develop a plot point. A very common problem and one I see all the time in manuscripts that are submitted to me. Not hard to fix.

The drug test seems a bit contrived and is thrown in very early. I can see why it needs to be there but you might want to introduce it a bit more subtly.

And while I am on the subject of subtle, some of the less sophisticated gags - Bumrash/Bumhole for example - will put some people off. I think the strength of the story is such that you don't need to go in this direction.

The command from the gods comes too quickly and James doesn't question it enough. Might be better if he refused to do it and then they punished him with something so unpleasant that he has to agree.

Beware of writing about fat women. It is hard for a bloke to do this without sounding a bit misogynistic. Just saying. Again, the basic story and premise are strong, no need to take this direction.

The pills/heart medication did seem to be a bit too much of a coincidence.

Fatty's thoughts while dying don't really ring true, funny though they are.

SUGGESTIONS

If you are writing what is effectively a fantasy story but set in the real world then you may want to consider making the real world as real as possible - avoid made-up burger names, too much overtly ribald comedy etc - so that the supernatural element really hits you. You can still be funny but no need to be quite so OTT.

Have you read Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips? That is a great example of a very funny book set in the real world but with a peculiar supernatural twist. Worth taking a look to see how she does it.

SUMMARY

Where this is on top form it is very funny. It is also an excellent concept. I think it goes a bit OTT in places and the dialogue needs work but this is all stuff that can be addressed with some editing and rewriting.

I did laugh, which is sort of the point.

Juliet Blaxland wrote 271 days ago

This would-be modern Ealing Comedy, with its refreshingly deadpan delivery, is a rare gem in a world over-seasoned with exclamation marks and 'only joking's, where quiet wit and irony used to reside. This belongs in a good bookshop near you.... It really is very funny, and a bit silly.

Bea Sinclair wrote 289 days ago

Well written, very funny love it. Yours Bea

Bea Sinclair wrote 295 days ago

Very funny, I loved it. Backed and high starred.
Bea

markwoodburn wrote 370 days ago

Absolutely mad! Admittedly at first not my type of thing but decided to give it a go and yes...I can see why this has been so popular! Trying to think who wouuld be the best director for the inevitable film...Scorcese, Ritchie???
Brilliant, starred, regards, Mark

Red2u wrote 371 days ago

Brave soul that James. Read the first chapter and am intrigued to read futher. Well done. Plan on returning for a further read.
Red

gacojo wrote 374 days ago

Excellent! Enjoyed reading this. It's intelligent and funny, and you have an evil imagination! Well done.

JREdwards wrote 374 days ago

Brilliant! I was intrigued by this concept and thought I'd read the opening chapter, only to read everything that you've got up.
I love the combination of suspense and humour, very difficult to accomplish without one seeming a bit cliche or contrived- but here the blend is spot on- I was actually laughing out loud at several points.
The set up is clever, as so far the reader cannot know whether James is being affected by the drugs, his own fractured pschye, or if the gods are actually real. As James' background is elaborated upon, and he is pressurised by the voices, you feel that he is the victim here, not the people he is setting out to kill.
I studied classics and did an MA in ancient history myself, and so far I love the characterizations of the deities- especially the visual appearance of one of the muses- and I'd love to see how the rest are played out.
I noticed one or two typos, but that is really my only criticism.
Once again- Brilliant!

C.E.Wildgoose wrote 379 days ago

Haha this book is so funny! The language is great and it's well paced. (and I'm fairly certain that I am going to be chuckling at bumrash for a nickname and the image of one legged prostitutes smacking people with their peg legs all day!) looking forward to reading some more :-)

Walden Carrington wrote 385 days ago

Henry,
The Cambridge List has very descriptive prose and dialogue with a realistic tone. I could easily imagine the scenes and hear the characters speak in my imagination. I love the ambiance of this story in such an academic setting. James Connor has a complex psychology and is unlike anyone I've ever known. I enjoyed my visit to this amusing account and admire your fluid narrative style.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Robin Pearson wrote 394 days ago

Great premise, witty tone, and a natural, authentic voice makes The Cambridge List an easy choice for the shelf. Best of luck; this deserves to go far!

Robin

Primrose Hill wrote 407 days ago

Have seen this on Ron's shelf for ages, and he has good taste.
Poor James. Fabulous opening chapter - the wind across the Fens- we just know it will be an ill wind. You very quickly gain sympathy for your MC by sticking him in one of those mind-numbing language schools - the bog standard racket of Oxford and Cambridge. I'm rooting for him instantly, The dialogue with Bumrash is well-paced - very slight feeling of conveying info. here. Worth checking they're talking only to each other everywhere, and not to the reader. As I say, it's very slight, but it's there.
The whole is so well-written, I look forward to reading on. Meanwhile, starred and listed. Julia

Norton Stone wrote 419 days ago

CH5 So that's it guvnor. No more for us eh? Excellent work but how long can it stay on the shelf without a new chapter to read? Perhaps that doesn't matter now. I loved the Cambridge history but it stood out like dogs balls. Bit of filler knowing you were getting to your end, so to speak? A fun read, well written. I can only wish you luck in delivering the finished product, presumably direct to an interested publisher now you've got their interest. Means we'll sodding well have to buy the rest I suppose.
Cheers Norton

Norton Stone wrote 420 days ago

CH 3. You've managed to include a bit of Trainspotting. Bad Hera! The next chapter will tell me whether you should have done for Fatty Mason in this one. May have over indulged at the bakers. We'll see?

Crispy wrote 421 days ago

Hi Robert

This is a very amusing concept. I have just read Chapter One and will continue to read later on. The premise of the dissaffected language teacher and the students with little grasp of English was very funny. I liked the fact that his musings were vocalised and picked up by Mishka....."what is bollocks"?.

Backed and on the shelf. Perhaps you woudl take a look at Marking Time - also set in the world of academia.
Good luck Crispy

Norton Stone wrote 423 days ago

Excellent. A bit Kingsley Amis. Good work. On my shelf and backed.

Norton Stone wrote 423 days ago

Excellent. A bit Kingsley Amis. Good work. On my shelf and backed.

Nigel Fields wrote 428 days ago

The Cambridge List is professionally written and pure entertainment. Brilliant. I hope you upload more soon. Six stars from me.
Cheers!
John B Campbell

Jillian Godsil wrote 429 days ago

love it! really really good! I really like James. super! is there a hard copy available?
cheers
Jillian
Running out of Road

Phyllis Burton wrote 435 days ago

Hello Henry, Love this: funny, well written with a unique concept. Imagine letting Greek Gods loose in Cambridge! Your characters are really good and I am amazed that James let himself become a guinea-pig with such interesting results. Good luck with this, should do well. Starred highly and will go on my shelf when there is room.
Perhaps you could have a look at either of my two stories on site: PAPER DREAMS or A PASSING STORM, please.
Best wishes

Phyllis

Urania wrote 439 days ago

I like this, for its location, and mythology, both dear to my heart. Gets funny after chapter three, love the pitch, although a little confusing. Maybe less of the 'had been' and more action - think you need to liven it up a bit. But backed for pleasurable reading. All the Best, Sarah

Zane Stumpo wrote 441 days ago

Just finished Chapter 5 - enjoyed the Gothic surrealism of the death scene. I loved the physical degeneration happening in front of our eyes like in a shlocky but technically brilliant horror comedy. Think I must like visual humour when it leaps off a page. It's the written equivalent of computer graphics in the movies. Whatever its fate on the slippery pole of shelf life I hope you add some more chapters. I want to know what happens next!
Good luck
Zane

Zane Stumpo wrote 449 days ago

Hi Henry - Very much enjoying the book, and have added it to my shelf. Know the setting, ate the doughnuts, tried to get chucked out. Temporarily succeeded. Ah, the days... I've also written a book which attempts to be humour with the corsets removed for readers who're not afraid of the odd bit of erudition. For God's sake have a look and make a comment. Please. Someone's already said it's 'competent', but it would appear that my non-US spelling counts against me. It's at http://www.authonomy.com/books/31339/schr-dinger-s-caterpillar/ and it's called Schrödinger's Caterpillar. Can you rate me better than 'competent'? 'Well meaning' perhaps? Or 'tolerable'? Anyway, I'm off to Fitzbilly's to drown my sorrows in jam doughnuts. Sorry - donuts.

Cheers - Zane Stumpo

Vin Mariani wrote 450 days ago

Hello Henry

I read 1 & 2. Good stuff, inventive and clever without being too show-offy. Usually I wouldn't read anything about academia, but this felt spunky and fresh. I hope it gets really nasty later on. My only thoughts were: You could have been less verbose, sharpen up some the sentences, brevity is the soul of wit etc etc. make them 'ping' a bit more. You give us far too much of Abigail's back story. Had James started taking the drug before he started hearing the Gods? - I wasn't sure. Bumrash needed more character - he talked the same way as James.

Apart from that, high ratings. Male-orientated comedy seems to have the taint of Satan about it for agents/publishers so you might find it a struggle (as I am), but best of luck with it.

V.M.

writingbear wrote 457 days ago

Henry,
I just backed your book, if you could take a look at either of my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, it would be appreciated.

Thank you,

Dwain-Thomas

M. A. McRae. wrote 459 days ago

Stampman's Review.
Henry, your writing is brilliant. I especially noticed the way that you convey mood with the way you make your descriptions, occasionally almost lyrical, as is the very first paragraph, and later 'Human history was spread out like a giant web, and men, women, empires and nations garnered upon it like dew, glistening and bright.' But equally, you convey a profound depression with a different sort of description, phrases like 'teeth-clenchingly nasal voice,' and 'lank, bleached hair lay straggled....'
Your story is most unusual, but there are changes of mood, and in Chapter 2, a witty but irrelevant digression with 'Peggy.' I wonder if you have quite worked out the route you intend to take. (I'm probably wrong here, and maybe you've finished it three years ago or something.)
There are too many sad and cynical parts to make this story totally to my taste, and yet your talent shines.
Well done, and to be backed, Marj.
PS: I saw not a single typo.

Leigh Alexander Mitchell wrote 468 days ago

I really enjoyed the humour of the dialogue and found it really natural. Of everything I've read on this site so far I've found the discussions in your first chapter to be the funniest and most authentic. Excellent work, rated and backed. Leigh.

Margaret Anthony wrote 470 days ago

I've been reading quite a bit of historical fiction of late so this has suddenly refreshed me. Slick writing indeed and quite 'off the wall' in places but it certainly has its appeal.
Some excellent and original descriptions, too many to mention but the likes of 'rodent like compulsion.'
Witty and at times somewhat zany, this has potential and it will be interesting to see where you take us with this story. Meanwhile, happy to star this and shelve shortly. Margaret.

Margaret Woodward wrote 473 days ago

Whee, that is fun! So what happens now? The pace of this gets swifter and swifter and the fresh ideas come thick and fast! When it is published I shall buy it.

What is also satisfying is that it is immaculately written - until chapter three. I noticed nothing until then, but there I began to pick up several niggles, including several changes in the point of view which jarred.
- 'Shame he isn't a woman,' ... let James imagine Fatty saying this, to put it right.
- Shortly after, 'carve out' would have no hyphen.
- And 'there was (not were) a strictly limited number...'
- Then another switch of POV 'Right on one,' thought Anderson. Could he say it aloud?

Then I was away again, too caught up in the ridiculous fascination to pay attention to nit picks. You teeter a little close to tastelessness in places but I presume you have that in hand in later chapters because what you have is very sophisticated comic writing even if the content is often juvenile. 70k is about right and should attract a publisher. Good luck with it - and apologies for taking so long to get around to reading it. My loss!

Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

rhine wrote 474 days ago

hilarious.
chapter 5, I would avoid the repeating of whale references, or vary it a little, like an Orca choking to death on a walrus.

rhine wrote 474 days ago

After two chapters, reads like Douglas Adams, or a Cleese rant. Funny, to the point,
Good objective achievement for each chapter.
IMO You should open with a description of the main character, not the boss,
Beware of making all the characters your age or starting their stories there, :)
You night even throw in the people who were burned at the stake outside the pub. Tourists often stop there to quench their thirst after they hear the tale. I would avoid the word gore at the end of two to notch up a little slower. Still reading but it's bedtime here and I wanted to share my thoughts.

cdwright wrote 477 days ago

Like what I've seen so far, right up my alley really. Putting it up on my bookshelf.

not so ancient greek wrote 480 days ago

A thoroughly enjoyable read, clever yet accessible. It has a true British feel and is darkly funny, original and gives a glimpse of what life is like in modern Cambridge academia. Being Greek myself I loved all the gods and goddesses. I could imagine a series of spin off novels. Also I think that the story has lots of potential as a basis for a film.

Hope that this book is published soon so that I can read on!

not so ancient greek wrote 480 days ago

A thoroughly enjoyable read, clever yet accessible. It has a true British feel and is darkly funny, original and gives a glimpse of what life is like in modern Cambridge academia. Being Greek myself I loved all the gods and goddesses. I could imagine a series of spin off novels. Also I think that the story has lots of potential as a basis for a film.

Hope that this book is published soon so that I can read on!

not so ancient greek wrote 480 days ago

A thoroughly enjoyable read, clever yet accessible. It has a true British feel and is darkly funny, original and gives a glimpse of what life is like in modern Cambridge academia. Being Greek myself I loved all the gods and goddesses. I could imagine a series of spin off novels. Also I think that the story has lots of potential as a basis for a film.

Hope that this book is published soon so that I can read on!

Tim Miller wrote 481 days ago

This is deifinitely my kind of book. Surreal but with some great hooks that suck you in so you keep on reading and with a great comic flavour. The blur between reality and fantasy - how do we really know what's real and what's going on our heads - and the power of mind-bending drugs gives it a topical and thought-provoking start.

Small points but I wondered if the ABC language school would be better with a more realistic sounding name - they're out to attract foreign students and are often aspiring to be prestigious. I was less bothered by Midsummer College, but for readers who know Cambridge it might be good to make it sound more genuine (though still fictitious) - a bit like Tom Sharpe did with Porterhouse - just a thought.

I found the story of how the prosthetic leg found its way behind the bar was good , but for me it interrupted the flow and I wanted to skip on tothe next bit. .

Like Orlando, I know the Eagle and will definitely not be able to pass it without a chuckle.

It's on my shelf and I hope to see it in Heffers soon.

Tim
Loud Laughs on a Long Journey

lisawb wrote 484 days ago

A powerful and quite compelling read that has the right combination of intrigue, suspense and wit. A book that once started has to be finished.

Backed easily and for a good while.

Lisa

Yossarian wrote 487 days ago

Really good stuff. I'm three chapters in and I'm going to keep reading. You do a great job setting up a problem and tension, and I really feel for his problem and want to see the professors get their comeuppance. And very funny. I found it odd that the doctor just disappears. Isn't he supposed to be observing the effects of the pill? He should come up from time to time or at least you can explain why he's not around. Maybe he suddenly goes on a trip or has to leave. This could actually make the reader more sympathetic to James. Also, in the initial scene with the gods, they seem to rush into their plans for James. I think this could be stretched out a little to make it more believable. Otherwise I like where this is going and I'm going to keep reading.

Yossarian

Bradley Wind wrote 496 days ago

The Cambridge List

COVER: I think it well done... no nits there
TITLE: without reading the pitches it makes me think "brainy hitlist" lets see if the pitches match...
SHORT PITCH: Good!
LONG PITCH: V good...I might only suggest reworking the second paragraph...a little...hm, not as attractive as the first. Might be too much info for the long pitch...not sure...
TEXT: Love those opening paragraphs. I might be tempted to cut back that opening one...just a bit...I think you'd still get the same kick from the second and lose the slight drag the first has at the moment. What is "inner malnourishment" ? as fun as that descriptive paragraph is...I felt like I got more than I needed for her.
I like Bumrash and the drug story setup...am already wondering if the gods will be real or a drug induced figment. Some of the dialog with the goddesses...doesn't ring...well...true. I mean it comes off a little too "How much fun would it be to make them sassy trash talkers" I dig the trash but...hm, might work better if toned down just a bit...instead of shit-encrusted unwiped-asscrack why not just encrusted asscrack?
Shortened like that smells better to my ears...but could just be me.
I think I also wished for a better opening dialog with them...its okay as is...and gets to the point fairly quickly but...hm...I don't know...not as magnetic as it might be...again...could just be me.
I'm wondering why youre interrupting the flow of the new brain friends with the pegleg tale? Seems a bit much and slightly unnecessary to interrupt when I was just getting into the goddess business...Peg sounds like fun though...and I can understand easing into the bar scene before jumping right back to the brain conversations...hm, maybe just a shorter start to that section? Might take another look at the dialog between him and the Muse..."But you can't be serious. I can't just murder people"... falls a bit flat. What's a chav?
I like the whole setup of this story...its a fun premise...but that "dream" sequence could be seriously cutback.
Gah, hope you aren't offended by my thoughts as I'm reading this...only mean to help...but you can just ignore me because I'm crap at crit anyway...I almost wish it wasn't a "Was it all a dream" questioning as well...sorry, but its a tad cliché .
Well...you've definitely got writing skills...and I bet this progresses into a fun ride.
Best of luck with it!
-=Bradley

CarrotyNell wrote 497 days ago

What a splendid piece of work. Intriguing and thought-provoking story-line, vivid characterisation, beautifully flowing prose and authentic dialogue - you can hear the voices. Deserves to be published.

Frank James wrote 497 days ago

Hi henry,
My compliments to you and your writing. I thought the book was way up there somewhere on my rating. I really did belly laugh, the first time for at least a year. I'm BACKING your book and it goes on my bookshelf now.

Good luck with your writing.
Frank James (The Contractor)

Ariom Dahl wrote 499 days ago

Heh, this made me chuckle!

Lenore wrote 499 days ago

THE CAMBRIDGE LIST
The author has created a delightful drama filled with possibility — all of which readers are open to experience, thanks to the author's development of character and plot. Perhaps the best compliment is that it is not only easy to read, but so engrossing that readers will want to continue to find out what happens after chapter 3 and beyond. My complments. Stared and will place on shelf very soon.
Lenore Gessner
Surviving the Seaweed

Kaimaparamban wrote 512 days ago

You are very brilliant in combining of tragedy and comedy. This is a rare blend in the literature. Only a seasoned writer in this style can write such a work.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire