Book Jacket

 

rank 5464
word count 14367
date submitted 21.08.2010
date updated 01.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction,...
classification: adult
incomplete

Waking and Screaming

Carl Madarang

In a world ravished with madness and insanity, reluctant survivors struggle to survive; against the remnants of the world and each other.

 

(ATTENTION! All chapters are under editing, so if you see in errors or have suggestions, just shoot me a message. Thank you!)

2012 has passed and everything you have ever known is at an end. Sprawling cities that towered into the skies are nothing more than smoking husks, defiant fingers jutting upward into a dead sky. Bustling streets are now littered with the metallic corpses of cars, their doors like hooks and their interiors little more than dark gaping mouths. Yet, among the remnants of this dead world, creatures lurk, pulsating monsters that emerge at night to feast on those unfortunate to still be living.

In California, various different individuals trudge onward through the dark dreamscape of the land. Their stories journey on through a course of two decades, their destinies intertwined. They will be victims to the cruelty of humanity, witness atrocities they would never have dreamed of, and learn that sometimes, it's better to be dead than alive.

 
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tags

adventure, apocalypse, survival, undead, zombie

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24 comments

 

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KGleeson wrote 393 days ago

I found the opening chapter very well written and it draws the reader in immediately. You have set a good pace, plenty of action and quickly establish the difficult world in which Alyssa lives. I think it's interesting that you changae to second person for her memory and I'm not certain why you made that choice, except to possibly exaggerate her desire to detatch herself from the memory. In setting it as a scene you establish its importance in her life but also create some tension for the challenges she now faces. If the beginning is anything to go by you have a good solid novel here and I hope to get back to it soon to read more. Kristin

Dwayne Kavanagh wrote 413 days ago

Hey Carl...I'm digging it!

Here's couple of things I saw...

"we were fools" is stronger than foolish

Looking in a mirros is cliche...what about car window, or the refelective surface of napkin dispenser... you know what I mean?

You're dialogue is natural and moves the story forward. I like your darkly descriptive style. I was a little worried when I read 2012...but you spinned the plot nicely and you've got my interest.

Cheers,
Dwayne

Sue50 wrote 419 days ago

Happy to BACK what I've read so far. Hope you get a chance to take a look at Dark Side by author CC Brown. Thanks. Sue50

CMTStibbe wrote 423 days ago

Waking and Screaming is a book about the grotesque nature of war, survival of the fittest and a change of human heart― brutal and without mercy. But it is not an ordinary war. The pace is fast and the imagery well described. In some parts it reminds me of the playground in Terminator. It is a frightening prospect to consider 2012 gone, the remnants of a ‘safe’ society as we know it. Instead, it is a mangled and littered dump of a previous time. The illustrations of cannibalistic creatures are extraordinarily realistic and the sense of running is vivid. It gives the reader that nightmarish quality where you have to read more in order to wake from it. I have rated it highly because of the unbelievable speed which propelled me through these chapters. Very well done. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

The Pants wrote 427 days ago

I read chapter 5 as you asked, and I must say: this is some dark shit, Carl.

Your writing provides great imagery. Particularly Jose at the end. I have a strong mental picture of the man standing amidst a room splashed in red, meat hooks swinging behind him. It's ghastly good.

I also find it very original that while you're dealing with zombies, they are kind of a side note to the characters past and present lives. There is something very scary about a world overrun with zombies where outside the undead there lies much more gruesome realities.

Good job and good luck!

kendra ann ziems wrote 438 days ago

love your description and keeping the story rolling. a definitely awesome zombie book!

kendra ann ziems wrote 445 days ago

enjoyed reading and added to my watchlist to read at a later date. wondered if you would peek at my book and give me some feedback r/t us being in similiar genres. thanks.
kendra ziems/autumn lullaby

Lithium wrote 516 days ago

Carl, I'm a bit burned-out on zombies, but I like the story arc of your protagonist, a girl who now is as cold-blooded a murderer as the undead, but only because of hellish situations like the expired coming back to life and a gang of old men who rape. I found some errors I'd like to point out: in your synopsis and your story, you said "upwards." On all the "ward" words, like "toward," I'd leave off the "s." Also, you used "However" to start out sentences multiple times. In using "however," it shouldn't start a sentence except in the sense of "However way you want to do this." Plus, there was a repetition of "sea." I didn't mind the "dead sea" reference, but I'd watch how much you used it.

With some more revisions, I think you'd have a winner here.



Thank you for the feedback. I'm just writing as I go, and once I finish I plan on going back and correcting all these mistakes!

ARBraun wrote 517 days ago

Carl, I'm a bit burned-out on zombies, but I like the story arc of your protagonist, a girl who now is as cold-blooded a murderer as the undead, but only because of hellish situations like the expired coming back to life and a gang of old men who rape. I found some errors I'd like to point out: in your synopsis and your story, you said "upwards." On all the "ward" words, like "toward," I'd leave off the "s." Also, you used "However" to start out sentences multiple times. In using "however," it shouldn't start a sentence except in the sense of "However way you want to do this." Plus, there was a repetition of "sea." I didn't mind the "dead sea" reference, but I'd watch how much you used it.

With some more revisions, I think you'd have a winner here.

Owen Quinn wrote 608 days ago

you have a great way with descriptive and metaphor that makes your work sit in the readers heads.

Owen Quinn wrote 611 days ago

like this a lot, very well written with a brilliant situation, this seems fresh somehow, very exciting, very visual,

Alyssa Collet wrote 615 days ago

i love it, like for reals you know me im not into zombie things but i've never read a zombie book either, but this is pretty badass. So you can't stop! :D We all want to know what happens?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Walden Carrington wrote 615 days ago

Waking and Screaming has a thrilling plot. The narrative is inspirational as it's a story of survival. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans wrote 616 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Alyssa. I also really like your use of the first person narrative voice. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Eunice Attwood wrote 616 days ago

Great writing ability is at work here, with imagination that must work in overdrive. A well structured and engaging tale. You create vivid imagery that stirs the senses. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Lithium wrote 617 days ago

For readers of the genre the story starts with a hook and keeps up the pace.
First person narration makes it closer to reader and the POV is steady. You take the reader into action without much background, it’s okay to stay away from info dumping but make sure reader gets the full picture…I didn’t. By the end of subchapter I still don’t know much…besides that I surely will encounter lots and lots of killing.
A few remarks. “The thing with gangs… gives makes you a bigger target” use only makes. Next” in close combat nobody would use a rifle (that’s great for long shots). Use submachine guns, machine pistols, short barrel assault rifle. *If you need help I could suggest a few.
Now, you jump us to Lars. You do that and lose the first person POV, your narration is all “tell” and no “show” and besides a little extra history reader gets nothing.
To complicate things you bring in Ms Constable, then Mike and Lauraine, Johnny and Vanessa. Reader doesn’t need those characters who die within the same or next paragraph. If any of their names have a role…clarify then (a backflash) what’s going on. Right now, from a good beginning you almost make be stop reading.
Ch 2 pushes the reader further away…I’m losing contact with the first person MC who started the story and grabbed my attention. Now I’m wondering why should I care about all these secondary, underdeveloped characters or about a story which is derailed from main objective.
Chapter 3 brings up another character and I stop reading.
Your writing’s competent. Your narration flows natural and the dialogue sounds real enough (could use some tinkering). The problem is I’m not sure you have a story and I’m not gonna read 10 chapters to find out. No agent/editor I know would waste his time.
I think you must do some major cutting and rewriting.
In this genre the reader expects tension on every page. You give it in the opener than nothing for 3 chapters. Reader demands to fall for the MC…you drop her and introduce all kind of faceless characters. Your story which moved at a fine pace has become stagnant.
Sorry. You asked for criticism and that’s how I see it…naturally, I could be wrong.



Thanks for the criticism. I have cut and added more, however, I wonder now if it's still weird how I start off in First Person then move onto Third Person for the scenes in the past. Or, would the differing point of views work if I could be able to transition the scenes better?

Lithium wrote 617 days ago

hi there! I've just finished the first two chapters. I like what i have read so far and i think i get the impression that this is a very good first or second draft. This has so much potential and your first chapter is excellent i reckon you just need to organise the characters a little, i do agree with a previous comment that first person is a very effective method of keeping the reader engaged as you are seeing the events through the eyes of the character which generates a real shock value (within this genre) it also allows the reader to sympathise and fully understand. I wounder if there is a way of you converting the parts that move away from first person so that your excellent story line can become a bit more accessible to the reader? I could be completley wrong but thats my thinking anyway!! If you find the time check out Their Limbo Lives, i greatly value and appreciate any feedback positive or (better in someways) negative!!! Kind Regards James (Their Limbo Lives)



Thank you for the comment. Yeah, I'm kind of playing around with using FPOV for the scenes in the present, and then using TPOV for the scenes that occur in the past. I really want to make it work, perhaps if I can flow them together more better - a better transition.

James26 wrote 617 days ago

hi there! I've just finished the first two chapters. I like what i have read so far and i think i get the impression that this is a very good first or second draft. This has so much potential and your first chapter is excellent i reckon you just need to organise the characters a little, i do agree with a previous comment that first person is a very effective method of keeping the reader engaged as you are seeing the events through the eyes of the character which generates a real shock value (within this genre) it also allows the reader to sympathise and fully understand. I wounder if there is a way of you converting the parts that move away from first person so that your excellent story line can become a bit more accessible to the reader? I could be completley wrong but thats my thinking anyway!! If you find the time check out Their Limbo Lives, i greatly value and appreciate any feedback positive or (better in someways) negative!!! Kind Regards James (Their Limbo Lives)

yasmin esack wrote 622 days ago

Para 4 line 4 makes gives (error)

Fantastic read and very stirring.


Best

eurodan49 wrote 624 days ago

For readers of the genre the story starts with a hook and keeps up the pace.
First person narration makes it closer to reader and the POV is steady. You take the reader into action without much background, it’s okay to stay away from info dumping but make sure reader gets the full picture…I didn’t. By the end of subchapter I still don’t know much…besides that I surely will encounter lots and lots of killing.
A few remarks. “The thing with gangs… gives makes you a bigger target” use only makes. Next” in close combat nobody would use a rifle (that’s great for long shots). Use submachine guns, machine pistols, short barrel assault rifle. *If you need help I could suggest a few.
Now, you jump us to Lars. You do that and lose the first person POV, your narration is all “tell” and no “show” and besides a little extra history reader gets nothing.
To complicate things you bring in Ms Constable, then Mike and Lauraine, Johnny and Vanessa. Reader doesn’t need those characters who die within the same or next paragraph. If any of their names have a role…clarify then (a backflash) what’s going on. Right now, from a good beginning you almost make be stop reading.
Ch 2 pushes the reader further away…I’m losing contact with the first person MC who started the story and grabbed my attention. Now I’m wondering why should I care about all these secondary, underdeveloped characters or about a story which is derailed from main objective.
Chapter 3 brings up another character and I stop reading.
Your writing’s competent. Your narration flows natural and the dialogue sounds real enough (could use some tinkering). The problem is I’m not sure you have a story and I’m not gonna read 10 chapters to find out. No agent/editor I know would waste his time.
I think you must do some major cutting and rewriting.
In this genre the reader expects tension on every page. You give it in the opener than nothing for 3 chapters. Reader demands to fall for the MC…you drop her and introduce all kind of faceless characters. Your story which moved at a fine pace has become stagnant.
Sorry. You asked for criticism and that’s how I see it…naturally, I could be wrong.

SusieGulick wrote 624 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Carl! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoir book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

name falied moderation wrote 624 days ago

Dear Carl


Just loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Jim Darcy wrote 624 days ago

Dark, haunting and a bleak vision of the future. Only thing would be to comment that the sudden point of view change in chapter 1 caught me out - seemed to jerk the flow.

SusieGulick wrote 625 days ago

Dear Carl, I love your end-of-the world story :) it's kinda like a cross between my favorites, Sarah Connor of Terminator & Frank Peretti's "Present Darkness." I love the combo that I pictured in my mind - tenacity (Sarah) & spiritual warfare (Peretti) :) - great write! :) I just love it. :) Your pitch persuaded me to read & your tight paragraphs & dialogue made for a smooth ride with lots of excitement. :) Hope you'll write a lot of books. :) I've backed your book :) I saw my memoir book on your book shelf :) - thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

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