Book Jacket

 

rank 1499
word count 11276
date submitted 24.08.2010
date updated 27.08.2010
genres: Science Fiction, Comedy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Space Burps

S.J. Smith & Theresa Miller

Six year olds, massive cannons, burping babies, galactic conspiracies and hunted by two armies while dealing with his mother. Can't a marine get any peace?

 

Being mugged by a six-year-old girl didn’t do much for ex-marine Buthedra Klaxsteen’s image. But given the choice of either handing over his milk or being incinerated into fine ash, Buthedra reluctantly complies—then becomes embroiled in a conspiracy involving two warring species which stretches from one end of the universe to the other. Now wanted for crimes he didn’t commit, he’s on the run—while both deadly armies try to hunt him down. He suffers through all of this to discover that the girl and her baby brother are the most dangerous people he knows. Thankfully they’re on his side.

Buthedra’s descent into hell and hilarity is accompanied by the two earthling children, the aberration known as his cat, a bipolar robot—and his mother. It’s enough to drive any Tarsian insane.

The novel is complete, only 12k words posted so far.

Edit: 08/27/10 Fixed typos, broke first upload file down to three chapters from one.

 
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tags

alien, bipolar robot, burp, cannon. manga, child, comedy, conspiracy, epic, human, marine, robot, science fiction, space, space opera, tarsian

on 11 watchlists

75 comments

 

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Velbrun wrote 632 days ago

I believe in 'You've got to be cruel to be kind' so here goes ...

Space Burps!

... you had me at the title! brilliant!
... you got me with the pitch! inspired!
... you had me turning pages wondering whats happening next. (its hilarious!)

i always comment from a consumers point of view.
Question - would i buy this book if seen in my local book store (based on the pitch and what i have read so far) - YES!
why? - its original and well written. the kind of book that my whole family would want to read. (i have five kids and they are fussy to say the least!) i look forward to geting my hands on a hard copy once its been printed ... there's space on my shelf so please hurry up with the publishing already!

*Note to perpective agents/publishers who trawl this site (i know you're out there right now!) - this is a no brainer! call them and get it printed! ... on the shelves by christmas would be nice!

marketed well, this book is a sure fire spinner of gold! i wish you every success! (and believe me ... if it was bad i'd tell you!)

Royston
(The Book of Simon)

lizjrnm wrote 637 days ago

This is superb - I see a major motion picture in your future - if I were an agent Id be dialing you right now. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Jaye Hill wrote 633 days ago

Absolutely brilliant. Children of the World (or possibly worlds) arise. Backed with enormous pleasure for unpredictability of plot, believable characters as revealed by crisp dialogue, and beautiful technical details Jaye Hill

Jason Quinn wrote 632 days ago

Ahh, a great opening here. Kick-Ass gone scifi. You've definitely got one of the funniest opening scene's I've read in a long long time and the pace never lets up. Good on you, guys.

philp4002 wrote 42 days ago

Space Burps is amazing! I picked this story at random, and I'm so glad I did. Written with humor, some of it hiarious, the story flows well, although it does need a little light editing, I'm sure it will do well in reaching the HC review. I urge anyone [sci-fi fan or not] to read this, you will not be disappointed. Well done S J Smith and Theresa Miller.
philp4002 [Phil Phoenix - author of The JET! Trilogy]

bmlg wrote 245 days ago

Excellent opening! Space Burps is fast-paced and funny, and Thelea is almost in a class with James Schmitz's Witches of Karres. The necessary information is parcelled out effectively, without infodumps to slow the action. Lots of lively invention, like the spider-trackers, and the mystery of Thelea's knowledge is intriguing.
There are a few punctuation glitches, but not recurring. I do find myself wondering about a couple of things - how a bird-descended race comes to have cats as pets, and what Drak was digging his claws into, given that birds don't have external genitalia (but don't let my pedantry bother you, probably no one else will even think of it.)

JaredHJ wrote 625 days ago

Fast-paced and enjoyable read. Backed! Jared

aldousremoved wrote 626 days ago

Murstantico indeed! I have only one thing to say.......where's the rest of it?! You can't tease like that with a mere three chapters! Please let me know when you've posted the rest or much more of this to the site, otherwise I'll have to dispatch my own model 25.3 seek and destroy spider for you! Well done. Cheers, Anthony

Lisa Scullard wrote 628 days ago

This is great fun. Wish I could buy it immediately :) Looks like it was equally as fun to write as it reads, also. Breakneck pace through the action, plenty of guns blazing, and I love the alien protagonist struggling with his all-too-knowledgeable human charges.

All the best, Lisa (Death And The City)

Emma Morgan wrote 630 days ago

A frantic, funny and very filmic opener - good stuff, SJ & Theresa. I think sci-fi can be a bit po-faced unless leavened with humour and you've got a really good balance going here. Having a non-human oblivious to our conventions and insults as your main character is a great device with lots of comic potential; I haven't read as far as the 'bipolar robot' yet, but I'm intrigued - a homage to Marvin The Paranoid Android, perhaps? Well done.

Wilma1 wrote 631 days ago

A crazy sort of?? Not sure what to label it. I love the newly invented words like bumberdogs I’ll have to save a few to see if I can use them anywhere. Great idea, great dialogue … you may gather I thought it great

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – please take a moment to take a look.

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 631 days ago

Dear SJ,
Your book is so charming, funny and witty! I love all the dialog and the use of very unusual words, like pip chick, bumberdogs, and sniff bots. Massively creative!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 631 days ago

Dear SJ,
Your book is so charming, funny and witty! I love all the dialog and the use of very unusual words, like pip chick, bumberdogs, and sniff bots. Massively creative!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

River Stone wrote 631 days ago

This is awesome. I must have more! Clearly one of the best i have read on this site. Well done and Backed!

River Stone
The Secret Snow

Su Dan wrote 631 days ago

a - 'down-to-earth' sci- fi adventure, told well with great style, deserves a place on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Velbrun wrote 632 days ago

I believe in 'You've got to be cruel to be kind' so here goes ...

Space Burps!

... you had me at the title! brilliant!
... you got me with the pitch! inspired!
... you had me turning pages wondering whats happening next. (its hilarious!)

i always comment from a consumers point of view.
Question - would i buy this book if seen in my local book store (based on the pitch and what i have read so far) - YES!
why? - its original and well written. the kind of book that my whole family would want to read. (i have five kids and they are fussy to say the least!) i look forward to geting my hands on a hard copy once its been printed ... there's space on my shelf so please hurry up with the publishing already!

*Note to perpective agents/publishers who trawl this site (i know you're out there right now!) - this is a no brainer! call them and get it printed! ... on the shelves by christmas would be nice!

marketed well, this book is a sure fire spinner of gold! i wish you every success! (and believe me ... if it was bad i'd tell you!)

Royston
(The Book of Simon)

sjwilling wrote 632 days ago

Wow, thanks for all the comments guys. and the well appreciated backing. Am stuck in MacDonald's atm with dodgy wifi connection. Will get back to you all tomorrow (tuesday) and return reads, backings and comments.

Thanks!

S.J.

BundyMonks wrote 632 days ago

This reads like a collision between hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and red dwarf (two very favourite books of mine). But why only 3 chapters uploaded?

I have no nits to pick!

Backed with pleasure

Andrew Monk

Colin Normanshaw wrote 632 days ago

This is a brilliant read - full of action and hilarious dialogue. There is a little Hithiker's Guide in this one. No further compliments needed! Backed with pleasure (and mirth). Colin

Jason Quinn wrote 632 days ago

Ahh, a great opening here. Kick-Ass gone scifi. You've definitely got one of the funniest opening scene's I've read in a long long time and the pace never lets up. Good on you, guys.

Jaye Hill wrote 633 days ago

Absolutely brilliant. Children of the World (or possibly worlds) arise. Backed with enormous pleasure for unpredictability of plot, believable characters as revealed by crisp dialogue, and beautiful technical details Jaye Hill

Beval wrote 633 days ago

This has a good pitch and what followed didn't disappoint. I really liked Thelea, she's my idea of what a great kid should be, reminds me of my own, efficent to the point it makes your eyes water and gobby, very, very gobby. A brave little soul as well.
Loved the cat as well, but I'm not sure the world is ready for gobby cats as well as gobby kids:-))
I liked the dialogue as well, it was sharp and entertaining and had enough made up slang to give it a real buzz.

Backed.

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

Space Burps--

This book was recommended to me and I'm very glad for that. This is quite fun and well told--and it proves comedy can survive anywhere in the universe! Congrats on putting a great imagination on paper!

Great visuals and excellent dialog. I appreciate how well you wrote your MC--professional and powerful yet felled by a child. Bravo!

I was going to suggest you divide your ch1 into three but it looks like you did after I read it!

Happy to back. -Barb (Silent Hoofbeats and Whispers through the Aspens)



Thanks for the comments B.J. And yes someone else suggested we break the first chapter down. LOL I did manage to lose all the bookshelved backing when I did but oh well. At least its more readable now.

Time for me to go to bed alas, but i'll be back on tomorrow night and I'll take a peek at yours.

:)

S.J.

ElizaW wrote 633 days ago

Great pitch.

El
A Woman of Age

BJ Alexander wrote 633 days ago

Space Burps--

This book was recommended to me and I'm very glad for that. This is quite fun and well told--and it proves comedy can survive anywhere in the universe! Congrats on putting a great imagination on paper!

Great visuals and excellent dialog. I appreciate how well you wrote your MC--professional and powerful yet felled by a child. Bravo!

I was going to suggest you divide your ch1 into three but it looks like you did after I read it!

Happy to back. -Barb (Silent Hoofbeats and Whispers through the Aspens)

SammySutton wrote 633 days ago

S.J.,

Very creative. Simply 'wild'. I love it.
\Buthedra's character is fabulous. The children's role is brilliant.
Backed!
Sammy Sutton
King Solomon's '13'

Leigh Michaels wrote 633 days ago

This is marvelous! Great dialogue, creative characters, entertaining premise. Shelved.

Leigh
If you have time, please consider reading "Lies That Bind" and backing if appropriate. Thanks!

paperbat wrote 633 days ago

Hello to you both. So with one of you is from Cambridge? As you can see from my profile, I also have that honour!
Great start to a crazy story. I note people have already likened its zany antics to Hitchikers Guide. Your pace ands intonation make reading very easy and appealing. The story is devleoping, but realise only just starting in these 3 chapters. Excellent book. BACKED.

Have a look at my childrens book [paperbat adventures] - its short and sweet enough to give you tooth ache! You know you wantto really; otherwise I will set Thelea onto you, as it is her favourate book!
Jerry [paperbat]

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

S.J. and Theresa:
One of my favorite authors in my youth was Douglas Adams, and this takes me right back there. The best thing about work like this, done well with an actual point amid the gastric humor, is that it is enjoyable at any age. Nicely done.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE



It was a sad day for the literary world when he passed on.

S.J.

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

This is superb - I see a major motion picture in your future - if I were an agent Id be dialing you right now. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room



And why aren't you an agent calling us right now, huh? huh?

LOL

Thanks Liz, for the very encouraging comments.

S.J.

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

Leaping hawkspawn, this is very good! It may very well be the best story I've read on this site. I'm at work, but still managed to read everything you have here. Where's the rest of the story? I certainly have no nits to pic on this one. Eagerly backed and waiting for more. Dave (Hey! I got to know where her ship is, what condition its in, and, most of all, how in the eagle's nest does she know so much???)



Will be posting a little more in a few days. Thanks for enjoying it.

S.J.

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

Hi S.J., It’s a quirky way of showing the concerns of a six-year-old with a military weapon. The planet and the diamond-headed Tarsians made this entertaining. I liked the invented words although when there were many in a row, I couldn’t follow their meaning as well. When the girl retaliates in the alley and leads the ex-marine to her brother, the story takes on a larger meaning. Her emotions are done well throughout and really make the story amazing. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)



We'll go through it again, Katherine and see if we can smooth them out some. Thanks..

S.J.

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

Dear S J and Theresa

just came back to your book to carry on reading and must say you do write well......I have already commented and backed your book , cannot find the backing so doing it again just to make sure

The very best of luck

Denise
The Letter



Thanks Denise. I went and corrected some typos and splits the long chapter into three and in doing so managed to wipe it from everyone's bookshelves.

I guess they really shouldn't let me near a computer :)

Thanks for re-backing.

S.J.

sjwilling wrote 633 days ago

Reading this made me laugh aloud. Thanks! I gave in to my curiousity about the title, liked your pitch, and enjoyed the read. Although I was curious about one thing: why would he tell the girl all that information about himself at the beginning, considering the fact that he's an "undercover cop"? Wouldn't that blow his cover? Perhaps that sentence would sound better as an unspoken thought...?
Your book has great potential; backed with pleasure!

Jasmin



LOL Of course you're right. I must have been in author mode where I know it doesn't matter one way or other because I'm just about to put him through a form of Hell on Tarsia, but he wouldn't know that. Will have to get together with Theresa and see if we can salvage his poor little...

Hmm

Thanks a lot!

S.J.

jmiller1165 wrote 633 days ago

I have read the book and really enjoyed it. Completely different and very entertaining.

Eveleen wrote 633 days ago

Space burps
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Arnold Lane wrote 633 days ago

Haha, this is funny.

Jan wrote 634 days ago

Such fun - with a wonderfully drawn scene of human child and alien cop. Hope it does well for you.

name falied moderation wrote 634 days ago

Dear S J and Theresa

just came back to your book to carry on reading and must say you do write well......I have already commented and backed your book , cannot find the backing so doing it again just to make sure

The very best of luck

Denise
The Letter

Jasmin Star wrote 634 days ago

Reading this made me laugh aloud. Thanks! I gave in to my curiousity about the title, liked your pitch, and enjoyed the read. Although I was curious about one thing: why would he tell the girl all that information about himself at the beginning, considering the fact that he's an "undercover cop"? Wouldn't that blow his cover? Perhaps that sentence would sound better as an unspoken thought...?
Your book has great potential; backed with pleasure!

Jasmin

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 634 days ago

Great storyline, ex-marine and all. I truely enjoyed the portion that I read. Thanks for sharing. Backed

tree220 wrote 635 days ago

All these wonderful comments are making me giddy. Slowly but surely we are working our way through the list and backing/returning comments. Thank you all!

theresa

nenno wrote 635 days ago

Slick story, you make the aliens soundalmost warm and fuzzy ;) but well written and how do you people think of all these plots. Better pace than most I have read here in this genre. BFP Four Better Four Worse

SareyFairy wrote 635 days ago

Hi

What a great, fun, exciting and imaginative read!
I really enjoyed reading this and I loved the relationship between this huge and obviously manly tarsian and the tiny and not uncapable little girl.
This is clearly a book to watch.
backed.
Sarah. T-cup and the Dream Team Fairies

LonnieNonnie wrote 635 days ago

this is fun, you pull it off,and BWP The Tails of Willie Gusty

Suzalex wrote 635 days ago

Hysterical . . . the story, the narrative, a superb package here. I would have loved this as a kid . . . hell, I love it as an old broad. Baking for sure.

Suz

Ha! Great!

Francene Stanley wrote 636 days ago

The story is delightfully funny and endearing as well as full of serious problems and human emotions. Well written and compelling from the first few paragraphs.

I would be plased to back this book and thank you for your support of mine.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

Pia wrote 636 days ago

S J & Theresa -

Space Burps - I am completely captivated by the characters and the world created ... what you get for popping to the corner store unarmed ... A human child is giving Buthedra an experience he was not prepared for. He ends up protecting Thelia and Henry, her baby brother. Stranger in a strange land turned around with creative mastery ... There are no speedlimits on tarsian roads, other than at least two wheels must remain on the pavement ... Buthedra's cats, Drakinot and Felisto have voice synthesizers, by the third chapter the space opera is well in the making. And a tender relationship is developing, bridging warring species.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

KW wrote 636 days ago

A bipolar robot? "Do you have diapers in there...?" Oh well, "I hate people who lie." In your case, I don't have to lie, this is a highly entertaining read. I'm hooked. When I get a little more time, I'll be back for more. Backed for now.

sjwilling wrote 636 days ago

oh my giddy gosh! this was the most amazing freak out weirdness! it's fantastic! Stupendous! and the awesome!

move over douglas adams!

me




LOL Thanks djinnia.

:)

S.J.

djinnia wrote 636 days ago

oh my giddy gosh! this was the most amazing freak out weirdness! it's fantastic! Stupendous! and the awesome!

move over douglas adams!

me

yasmin esack wrote 636 days ago

Very well written and enjoyable. Nice description and details bring this to life.

Best Yasmin

Cariad wrote 636 days ago

Really funny and unusual. So much of this genre is so over serious! You made me laugh and kept me reading all the way.
Watchlisted for now, backed later.
Polly
STONES.

CarolinaAl wrote 636 days ago

An ingeneous science fiction comedy adventure. Fizzy. Fun. Charming, colorful characters. Lively dialogue. Spot on storytelling. Hilarious wit. An infectious read. Backed.

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