Book Jacket

 

rank 434
word count 10015
date submitted 25.08.2010
date updated 22.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Popular Culture,...
classification: universal
incomplete

A Fine Pickle

Liz Hoban

When the Twin Towers collapsed, the world mourned. Madelyn should’ve been in the north tower but she was running late for work that morning.

 

On the morning of September 11, 2001, Madelyn Henry finds herself in a fine pickle when she discovers she’s pregnant, the unfortunate result of a rape during a summer work picnic. The idea of a baby sends her into an emotional tailspin and causes her to miss her 7:30 train to the World Trade Center.

Thoughts of securing an abortion plague her late commute but when she arrives in the city she is immediately distracted. The Financial District is a crime scene; the Twin Towers were attacked by terrorists and have collapsed. As the enormity of what occurred starts to sink in, Madelyn realizes this little pickle growing within her, saved her life.

Nearly a decade passes since that catastrophic summer of 2001. Just when Madelyn has finally reached a sense of peace, she encounters her rapist, who she assumed died on 9/11. This man will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Madelyn would sooner die than give it to him.

When he is found murdered and Madelyn becomes the prime suspect, the safe little world she painstakingly built begins to crumble. She is in for the fight of her life. Again.

 
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tags

abortion, baby, boy, catastrophe, death, father, gun, happy hour, lawyer, love, manhattan, murder, nyc, pickle, rape, sisters, the big apple, twin tow...

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Some anniversaries should always be remembered,

but never celebrated.

Ron Carnell, 2002

 

 

September 2001

Chapter One

Madelyn Henry was in a fine pickle, indeed.  The plus sign leached bright blue rendering her not only pregnant but late for work.  This, in turn, made her sister late which was never a good thing.   The only consolation was Maddy wasn’t dying.  It had been the hormones wreaking havoc on her daily routine the past several weeks; morning sickness and the frequent trips to the bathroom not to mention exhaustion from carrying something inside her that turned out to be the size of a seed.   A loud knocking on the bathroom door startled her off her pity-pot.  

     “Who are you?  Elvis?  Can you please hurry up?”  Tina’s sarcastic interrogatories seeped like smoke through the door cracks.  “I’d like to get to work before lunch!”  

“I’ll be right out.”  Maddy muttered while wrapping the used test strip in toilet paper and dropping it in the trash bin.  She waited for the familiar click-clack of her sister’s three-inch Manolos on the old hardwood steps before exiting the bathroom.  Instead of heading downstairs, Maddy veered in the opposite direction toward the bedroom at the end of the hall. 

When she reached the beveled oak door, she gave a light rap-tap-tap and pushed it open.  Her father, Charles, appeared asleep as she made her way across the modestly furnished master bedroom and eased down on the edge of his bed.  She smoothed back his fine silver hair and he smiled, one eye closed and the other conspicuously squinting at her.

“Morning, Daddy.”  Smiling back down at him, Maddy spoke in hushed tones. “Sorry about all the noise.  My fault we missed the train again.  Apparently, there’s this pesky thing called employment that Tina has her knickers in a twist over.” 

“It’s New Jersey into New York, for heaven’s sake.  Get the next train, there’s always a next train,” he said gruffly, suddenly wide awake.  “Don’t let Tina bully you, hear me?  She’s already tried to micromanage me this morning.  Imagine her telling me I need to use the little boy’s room before she leaves?  I’m in my late seventies for Christ sakes, and her parent to boot.  Stroke or no stroke, I politely told her to get the hell out of my room, but she came back ten minutes later anyway to find me in the john.  Then, she yelled at me for getting out of bed!”  He pushed himself into a semi-sitting position and gave a throaty chuckle, which precipitated a cough so deep, Maddy feared he may not catch his breath, but he did. 

“Dad, you know you’re not supposed to get up without calling one of us to help you, it’s how you ended up with hip problems to begin with.”  Maddy knew she sounded like a nag but she just didn’t want him to have any more medical emergencies, especially preventable ones.   

“Are you going to start telling me when to poop, too?”  He patted her knee conciliatorily and she realized he wasn’t the least bit concerned about falling.  Gesturing to the pillow at the foot of the bed, he asked, “Sweetie, can you put that up behind my head?” 

As the soft down settled behind him, Maddy caught the faint scent of yesterday’s Old Spice aftershave mixed with sweet, warm breath; a symptom her dad had in the morning while his insulin kicked in, something about ketones.   She spied the used syringe on the side table and an alcohol pad and its packaging crumpled together like origami.  On most days, Maddy gave her father his two, daily insulin shots, but this morning Maddy probably had her head in the toilet when Tina took care of it.  She felt a pang of guilt, as if she had dropped the ball.

“Ah there, perfect.”  He looked about as comfortable as possible given his chronic back pain.  “See what an angel you are?  Both you girls are gifts, Tina’s just a bit more…,” he rubbed his bristly chin, “….feisty, you know what I’m saying?   A pain in the backside but a damn good attorney.”  

Dad reached for his magnifiers and with a shaky hand, propped them low on the bridge of his nose though these days the glasses didn’t much help his failing vision.  He tilted his head upward and looked thoughtfully into his younger daughter’s face as if trying to memorize her features. 

     “And, yes, you could be more cognizant of time, always a pet peeve everyone had with Mommy, as well.  Not that I’m assigning blame or anything.  Actually, I found her fashionable lateness rather charming but then, I loved her, too.”   Lately, his eyes were always watery and bloodstained and Maddy was hard pressed to tell if he had been crying or if his cataracts were getting worse.  Either way, when it came to her father’s mortality, it was as if her own heart had a slow leak.

     “Well anyway, how did your hip feel this morning when you walked alone to the bathroom?”   One of the few parts of his body that showed promise, she mused. 

     “I may have been born at night but not last night, Maddy.  Of course I used my walker.”  So, he was listening after all.  Her dad’s voice was raspy.  “Hip’s good, so far, knock on wood.”   With that, he gently tapped his knuckles on his daughter’s head.  Maddy saw it coming and couldn’t help but giggle, 33 going on thirteen. 

“I see Tina already gave you your insulin and Rosie’s in the kitchen making you something for breakfast that resembles tree bark, so I’m going to leave you to it.  Love you, Daddy.”   She leaned forward and kissed his forehead at the exact moment Tina barged through the opened bedroom door.

“What?  Am I missing something profound, Dad’s final words?”  Tina smiled broadly in her father’s direction and then shot her sister a scowl.   “Tomorrow, I am having a driver take me to the train station and you’re welcome to ride with me but we will be fu...frigging…on time!”  Tina paced a few steps and put a hand to her chin, the other on her hip.  She was now center stage, court room mode. “I mean, how many times do you expect me to fall in the same frigging hole over and over until I figure out I can walk around said hole?  Huh?”  

Curse words notwithstanding, Maddy was certain by the look on her father’s face, he was enjoying this.  Maddy tried to make a lucid connection to the holes Tina was going on about, but failed. 

“Sorry about the bad language, Dad, no disrespect to you, but enough is enough.”   Tina pointed at Maddy.  “I can’t believe I asked my firm, my dear friends, to hire you!  What the hell was I thinking?  We’re late twice this week and it’s only Tuesday, imagine that?  It’s been the family joke, forever; Maddy will be late for her own funeral.”  Tina rattled off rhetorical questions and mimicked her last statement without even taking a breath.  “No more, okay?  Are we clear?”  Slightly calmer now, “If need be, we will take separate vehicles to the train station.  Pathetic, not to mention unfriendly to the environment, however, my killing you wouldn’t be very friendly either.”   Tina snickered.  “And just for the record, you would never be late for your own funeral because I would have made all the arrangements.  On the other hand, I’ll probably end up wrapped in trash bags in your trunk for a few days until you bury me somewhere in the yard for dogs to dig up.”  Tina sighed with relief and turned to leave, apparently she had rested her case. 

“That’s not true, Tina, we’d have you stuffed.”  Dad knew he’d get a smile. Despite themselves, the girls laughed like grade-schoolers.  

“Okay, okay, enough family bonding, can we go now, Madelyn?”  Tina was at the door, calm as a clam, checking her cell phone.  “Bye, Daddy, again for the second time this morning.”

      “Fifth, but who’s counting?”  Dad winked at Tina and gently squeezed Maddy’s hand. 

      Tina turned to her sister as if just named Miss Congeniality.  “I’ll be waiting in the car, Maddy-cakes, emphasis on waiting.”  Tina sang the last word then proudly strode from the room, already moved on to the next item on her agenda. 

Alone again with her dad, Maddy readied his bed tray for the breakfast she knew was on its way, food she definitely didn’t want to see or smell. 

“Why would anyone want to be on time for their own funeral?”  Her father asked no one in particular.  “I’d want to be so late you’d have to reschedule mine.”   

Maddy pecked a light kiss on her father’s cheek and stood.   “I know I need to get better at being on time.  I’ll start tomorrow.”  This time, Maddy winked at her dad.  It felt a little odd winking at him; his wink always meaning so much more while simply conveying; everything’s okay, kiddo.

When she heard the sound of her car horn honking, Maddy snapped into action.  “Got to go, Daddy-O!”  She pinched her dad’s big toe sticking out from his white, elastic support stocking, always one foot out of the blanket just like her.  

      “Hey, you listen to me.  Who says we have to obey time?  Where’s the spontaneity, the romance?   No more of this late for your funeral nonsense.” He made quotation gestures with his fingers around the expression as she made her way towards the door. “I don’t want to hear that anymore. Go on now, get to work.”   He dismissed her with a blown kiss.   

“Bye, Daddy, love you.”  As she gently shut his bedroom door, the car horn bleated several more times.  Just before the door closed all the way, she had to smile at what she thought she heard. 

“…….   Jesus, Tina, you’d be early for your own execution.”

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Suzalex wrote 637 days ago

Beautifully done. You write with ease and a clear voice. You're very talented.

Thanks for the comments and backing.

Suz

name falied moderation wrote 638 days ago

Dear Liz
loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dr. J wrote 27 days ago

Liz: I was in the middle of reading your latest book when a note appeared saying you were working on it. So I switched to your second book (the girl pregnant through rape) and am loving it! I'm an avid reader - usually go through a good book in a couple of nights - but am selective about what I read - it has to be written well enough to hold my interest. Your books definitely hold my interest! The only problem I'm having is getting this web site (authonomy.com) to cooperate - either that or my laptop is having problems. It's taking so long to load your chapters that it's timing out. But I'll keep trying because your books are better than the last few that I've bought via amazon! Well, I best go, but when you go up on my bookshelf, you will STAY there! blessings, Pat

HGridley wrote 37 days ago

Hi, Liz. I've read the whole story at once, and really want to know what happens next. I'm guessing from the cover that she keeps the baby! Seven chapters just isn't enough...
I noticed some grammar/punctuation errors that I don't have time to comment on now, but would be glad to point out later if you'd like. Also, chapter eight is titled "chapter ten" and appears to be an earlier draft of chapter seven (seven is much improved, by the way).
~Hannah ("Carolina and Hubert"/ "Rosalia")

Ron Mitchell wrote 51 days ago

Although rougher around the edges than I usually read, I was drawn into your plot. I read through chapter 1 then kept on reading. You have a good plot that hopefully develops into more than just a run of the mill story. Maddy can do something great with her life despite the obstacles thrown at her. There is a good family connection, and one that I would hope is nurtured and honed. I wish you the best of luck with this book. Please remember December Gold again in your reading. I've made a lot of updates.

Atieno wrote 69 days ago

Hi, You capture Maddy's pregnancy so well and her feelings come out so perfectly and ofcourse I feel so much liking for Tina. What a heart rending story. Told creatively and in an easy familliar voice(English)
Well done.
Josphine
Notime goes bye

ses7 wrote 71 days ago

A FINE PICKLE

Below I’ve written out some of my reactions to your story. I’m hoping that some of these will be helpful, but take only what works for you and leave the rest. You have a really interesting premise here, and I like your characters. You’ve set them up really well.

I’ve heard that agents and editors look for four things in the opening two sentences that make your story pop, and that you want two of them to show up within the first five-ish words: Time (time period, I think?), Place, Mood, and Character. I think you’ve nailed it in that you establish character and mood right away in your first few words, and the context comes into focus right after that. The structuring there is excellent. However, the mood I’m getting is a little more light-hearted, not necessarily humorous (although maybe), but with at least a positive or whimsical look on things. When she’s thinking “Oh dear, I’m pregnant. Isn’t this a fine pickle,” I’m thinking that she had some fling with somebody and it just got complicated, rather than emotional shock of one more thing to sort out on top of being raped. I’m not sure if that’s quite the mood you wanted? It any case, you are good at establishing moods, and I’m sure if you wanted to adjust the mood here you’d do a fine job of it.

*I love this imagery: “Tina’s…interrogatories seeped like smoke through the door cracks.” You reveal so much about the characters through their actions, dialogue, and the things they wear (like the sound of those three-inch Manolos pacing on the floor). You shape your characters so well.
*You also use other sensory images in your writing well, things like smell and sound. They seem to come out at just the right times without being overwhelming/distracting.
*Keytones and pregnant protagonists—what are the odds that we’d both have some twist on those two things in each of our stories? I just have to say that I love it!
*I love then end line to chapter 1.
*One thing that I think would help a lot is establishing up front that she’s been raped. I’d sympathize with her a lot more when she’s considering abortion on the train ride if I knew her circumstances for it, I think. Because of the whimsical atmosphere that’s going here, and the fact that I don’t know yet that she’s been raped, it almost sounds like it’s no big deal to her to get an abortion ‘if she feels like it,’ and it kind of makes me respect the character less.
*Man, her sister is obnoxious! :-)

Chapter 2 is about as far as I got. Great characters. Great story. It was a pleasure to read and back you. Best of luck with your story projects!

Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species

leshilton wrote 86 days ago

I've read ch 1.
Backed.
Hope you'll read ch 3 of mine, and look at the pitch too, I can use some good feedback.

ShirleyGrace wrote 86 days ago

Liz:
I just finished reading all you had uploaded. I can really relate to these gals and feel like I could just sit down and have a coffee with them. They are real and I like the way you describe their thoughts before dialogue. I worked in the city for quite some time. I enjoyed your style and flow. Starred and backed!
The best!
Shirley grace

GrahamD wrote 137 days ago

Hi Liz

I wish I had your way with words. I thought I could write descriptively, but you make my efforts look like a bus timetable. The first ten chapters really flowed well. It's a pity that eleven and twelve were repeats, I would really have liked to read more. This is going straight on my bookshelf'

Great work

Graham

deegirl247 wrote 137 days ago

Wow... I'm really disappointed that the story ended where it did. I want to read more !! The pitch intrigued me and the way you opened the book was very deft and well done. It hooked me immediately:) I am absolutely backing this book and am on tenterhooks for more !! Loved, loved, loved it :) Thank you for sharing your awesome talent with us...

Chris Carr wrote 200 days ago

A quite superb introduction revealing a great bond in this family. As I know what happens next (from your synopsis), the lighthearted talk about funerals, execution and even the pregnancy become more poignant. I know you are American, possibly a New Yorker, I live in Liverpool England (John Lennonland) and the Twin Towers is a subject close to my heart as my story happens either side of the terrorist attack. I like the way you use kiddo and friggin as they are words used in Liverpool. I however, can not write as beautifully as you. There's something about female writers, something that enables them to observe and carefully record things that matter - people and their relationships. One thing I might point out is the line, 'When she heard Tina honking the car horn...' She didn't actually hear Tina honking the horn, she heard the horn, if you know what I mean. Besides that I thought this was a really good into to what is undoubedly a great story.

Susanne Elias wrote 200 days ago

A well crafted work of literature. It had me hooked from the beginning

Dianna Lanser wrote 216 days ago

Liz,

The first five chapters of Fine Pickle were a treat. You know your characters well and portray them in a very authentic way. You have set the scene expertly for what your pitch promises to deliver. Your writing is clean and purposeful - a sign of real professionalism. I believe your God-given talent will take your books far beyond the screens of Authonomy! Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Brittanee Zaitsoff wrote 225 days ago

Hi Liz,

This is a beautiful story that provides a feeling of hope rather than despair from that day. The description of the family dynamic in the begining gives a profound perspective that carries into the rest of the chapters. The sisterly banter was honest and hilarious, which any sibling can relate to. The use of a different POV with each chapter was refreshing, just be careful to keep it consistent within that chapter. The POV shifted in some sentences which was a bit distracting.

All the best with this story and I can't wait for you to post more!

Brittanee
- Sinful

Melissa Koehler wrote 250 days ago

i like this a lot. normally i would think a pitch like yours gives too much away, but for you, i think it works. im intrigued to know how she got raped and really, i just want to know the rest of this compelling book.
backed with pleasure,
melissa :)

Its Mine wrote 284 days ago

I found this quite by accident but its a compelling story. I did wonder if 9/11 had been possibly over done but you have managed to make this story about the girls and not the events themselves. well done . All twelve chapters flew by and I wish there were more. V enteraining read this morning

Ian Walkley wrote 286 days ago

Great writing as always. The long pitch is great, but I think your short pitch could make the story more distinctive. At the moment it could be any sort of story. Best wishes, Ian

mostSleptOn wrote 291 days ago

This is exactly why I was convinced you were a professional simply mingling with commoners such as myself. You're definitely a natural Liz. You say so much in the most concise manner as you seamlessly weave in and out of dialogue, it's really an art and a joy to see.

Of course this is after only reading the first chapter. I think I'll be blown away when the plot really begins to culminate and way before the nadir. Both this and the Cheech Room are gems.

I completely related to the remarks about being late to one's own funeral as I've often pondered why someone would be prompt in the event of their own demise.

Pieces of the backstory, information about the characters is all combined into such a smooth read, you definitely write at a high level.

Lots of good things going on here, backed.

Shaun

Jilli wrote 292 days ago

Read all thats posted, want more. A really good read. only mistake that jumped out was end of ch4 think it should read clothes and not closed.

nelsaan wrote 292 days ago

Hi Liz

I read 8 chapters of your book.
For me two things pop out very quickly.
1. It reads more like a screenplay rather than a book.
2. Even though i know its incomplete a good editor will really help this book.

I will keep reading and await the completion of this book.
I hope its as exciting as I hope it is ( no pressure ;-)

Jedye wrote 295 days ago

Liz
Wow! You are an incredibly talented writer. The conversation in Chapter 1 flows so well that it made me feel like I'd known the two sisters and their father for years, not the few minutes that it took me to read it. I've read all 10 chapters and am now frustrated that I can't read more.
The title drew my attention first, as I wondered what the 'pickle' was, then I read your pitch and what resulted was a truly memorable read.
J Dye

Iceman61 wrote 303 days ago

... and one other thing which has been touched upon, the title. I feel it isn't strong enough knowing the content of the story due to your pitch and I'm certain an agent or publisher would feel the same.

But hey, once again, congratulations on some excellent writing. A star in the making.

Iceman61 wrote 303 days ago

Liz. You write so well. Great dialogue between the sisters but maybe a bit too much in the first chapter, in the house, with dad. Maybe a bit of summarizing here and there would definitely quicken the pace.

Someone else commented on the time factor of hearing about the towers collapsing and their taxi journey. If the train arrived at Penn at 9:15 - yes, both towers had been hit by then but as I'm sure you know (I know the precise times as I needed to for my book) the towers didn't fall until 9:59 and 10:28.

I think you would have to have them arriving on a train at around 10:am. That would be easy to back-track in your story and fix the times to tally with this.

I was frustrated when chapter 11 and 12 didn't work, it was just 10 repeated again. God, I wanted to read so much more of this. I felt like a trout with a hook in my mouth and the story was reeling me in, that's how hooked I am with it.

I will check out your other books, too.

Gary Sweeney.

GILLIAN.M.H wrote 303 days ago

Liz, Reading your pitch of PICKLE, made me want to read more. So far, I`ve just scanned some of the early chapters. Looks good so far, but I am unable to comment further, until taken more time. However, I am now backing your book.
Gillian M.H.

Iceman61 wrote 303 days ago

Hello Liz. When I read the first five words of your opening pitch I thought yes, I want to read this book. If you read my pitch you will probably understand why.

I have added it as the final choice on my shelf and I will certainly leave you feedback. Mine should be uploaded and live by Tuesday. I'm over halfway through the upload process.

Good luck with your writing.

Gary Sweeney.

Corey Baden wrote 313 days ago

Liz, your crisp prose and taut storytelling compel me. The fight for life has so many dimensions, and you have captured them in microcosmic and archetypal terms. God bless your on-going efforts,

Corey Baden

Tui wrote 317 days ago

This is such a compelling story. I read the whole lot in one sitting. My cat was delighted because she was sitting on my lap and I did not move. the only suggestions I can make for improving it are just little easy-to-fix niggles you might want to sort out before it hits the publisher's desk. In chapter 7 you have two spelling errors; desert which should be dessert and embarcking which should be embarking (I think).
I loved the way you describe the two sisters sliding down the wall letting their clothes get damaged without any concern - that conveyed a lot.
But one thing I wondered was would Tina jog in chapter 10 while wearing 3 inch heels?
This is a fantastic premise for story. I'd like to read more of it.

Carla_Anne wrote 336 days ago

Lovely writing and beautiful phrases.. referring to baby as pickle is brilliant. A harrowing read but truly it shows great promise. I enjoyed the first chapter Liz, and very sentimental for a sentimental reader like me! :) Thank you.
Carla
The Journal

folaketaylor wrote 378 days ago

Chapter one
I love your writing style and you sucked me in from the 1st line to the last. Not one word out of place. As smooth as can be.

Chapter two
Nicely done.

Chapter three
Not sure if people were still doing the discman or if the ipod had happened in 2001 so just make sure....
Nice introduction of what happend "that night."

It definitely promises to be a good read. I will come back when I can. All the best.

Stella-Grace Taylor
ANONYMOUS GIFT GIVER.

PS: Thanks for backing my book. I'll definitely be backing this one and will try to get to the other two as well. :)

pilot/writer wrote 379 days ago

This is such a great idea for a novel. We always hear about the ones who perished in 9/11 and rightfully so, however the ripple effect has gone on for years from that tragedy for the people who almost died and you have captured it with grace and respect here in A Fine Pickle.

HS
Priority Gal

Laura Bailey wrote 380 days ago

Your use of language is effortless yet complex and you subtly drop in details of your characters so that the reader learns about them without realising they're being told. I think that's a difficult thing to do so well done. I have only read the beginning but that's enough for me to back it. I'll be back to read more.

Good luck!
Laura Bailey
Beneath The Blossom Tree

Juliusb wrote 417 days ago

Dear Liz, I have perused through your book, "A Fine Pickle",and I found emotionally touching. Good piece.

LuvingSolitude wrote 429 days ago

Excellent, you have a real flair for writing.
Your characters are made three dimensional with such ease, something a lot of people (me included), cannot do, even with a lot of trial and error.
Your conversations are believable, and express the panic and fear, as well as the help and even guilt, that in such a situation, two survivors would undoubtably feel. The choice that Maddy is struggling to make is only enhanced by the events that take place in the towers, to make a decision like that is difficult enough, but to have something so horrific happen, you truly feel compassion for such a character as this.
This is an incredible insight into human emotions, thoughts and how people may react in situations where it feels as if the world is crumbling around them...or in this case, when it actually is.

I eagerly await more chapters.
Bron
The Endless Awakening

writingbear wrote 430 days ago

Liz,
Thank you for backing DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS! I thought I would take your A FINE PICKLE for a ride on my shelf. I looked your synopsis over and it sounded intriguing, so I thought I should put it on my shelf. I'll be reading it as time permits. Thanks again for your backing. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS

M. A. McRae. wrote 432 days ago

Immediately engaging and impeccably written. To be backed, Marj.

traciella wrote 437 days ago

great last line of chapter one :) wow!!!

silvachilla wrote 456 days ago

Btw I can't see any chapters beyond the first...Hopefully just a glitch?

silvachilla wrote 456 days ago

Wow...this is brilliant. Even if you didn't know about 9/11 you'd know it was setting up for something big! Love the relationship with her dad and also Tina, very believable, I can already tell there'll be tears and only at the end of the first chapter. Definitely backs and starred, can't wait to read more. Will add to my bookshelf when I'm next on my PC as can't do it via iPhone :-(

Natalie

Kaimaparamban wrote 461 days ago

Write a novel on the basis of contemporary event is indeed an endeavor. In your novel you are mainly projecting the problems of a lady and how she led her own life after tragedies. Milestones appearing in this novel are often extending its hands to political developments. Perhaps somebody may feel it is a complex of private life and public life in America. But, a subtle examination gives us a light of new revelations regarding life of America.


Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Seagulls
The Wildfire

silvachilla wrote 468 days ago

This sounds fantastic, have added to my watchlist

Erich Penhoff wrote 472 days ago

Great writing, especially the individual personification of the individuals. It shows the every day montone and sometimes the everyday ridiculous of life. It is great read and more so when we think of the memories attached to it. Humans have an incredible capacity for suffering and it is suffering you portrait from the annoyences of siblings to greater of a nation. I will watch for it somewhere in print and I will recommend it to any and all. I am not a very soft hearted person, but this story made me mellow, well for a few minutes anyway. Good luck...continue

Lara wrote 515 days ago

This is a great subject. I know someone who worked in world trade centre who's just gone out with a mate a few blocks down for coffee. You build up Maddy's background well before the disaster but I was quite surprised it took to Ch 9 to really get there. I wasn't totally convinced by the sisters' immediate reactions, the dialogue seemed to considered for panic. Otherwise, a good read. I came to it because I have your other on my shelf. Hope you'll look at mine and find it worthy of stars at least. Lara
GOOD FOR HIM

Kayla Shaw wrote 519 days ago

Dear Liz,
Thank you so much for commenting and backing The Slumber of Brynhild. I found this opening chapter very honest and endearing. I think you capture a family dynamic that catches the reader's interest from the very start, making them want to read on. I love your voice-It's very modern and well-crafted. Backed and I will read on soon!

"Stolen Childhood" wrote 527 days ago

Your book seems interesting. Good luck and God bless
I am backin it
Laila bevan
Stolen childhood

CarlosRedivivus wrote 540 days ago

I liked this. The characters are shaping well, plausible and well crafted--as is the plot line. I was a little disconcerted by the age difference between father and daughters--he apparently in his eighties, they in their thirties--especially given that he could 'bench press' the two girls even as adults--but certainly it is not impossible. But all that is trivial next to the major plot line which really grabs the reader and makes us want to carry on through to the end of the story. Unhappily, I couldn't load anything past chapter ten. I don't know if that is an Authonomy problem or some sort of glitch in the way it was loaded. Anyway, carry on, and good luck. I've got your back.

Rose Mary Moyse wrote 561 days ago

Thrilling and chilling.What a combination. More please.

stevew wrote 570 days ago

Very well written - You have a natural talent that shines through in your prose.

Wishing you every success - BACKED!

stevew
The Ultimate/The Authors Cut

shayzzee wrote 571 days ago

Loved your pitch and thought this was a great idea for a story, so thought I'd stop by for a read :)

Starts out good but I did think the dialogue went on a bit too long when they were talking to their Dad before work...but the next few chapters flew by nicely. Loved the emotional turmoil/mixed feelings about her pregnancy at the end of Chapter 3. Made it seem so real. Also loved the bit on pro choice.

The only thing I really saw that I might suggest to work on....It might be nice to have some sense that something is wrong before the cabbie answers the receiver... for a smoother transition. And after, maybe have the girls say "What? The twin towers collapsed? Huh?" or something...their reactions don't seem shocked enough....maybe describe what they SAW on the televisions in great detail instead of the ending sentence on that chapter...it just seemed a bit rushed to me. And this was an EPIC moment. It should really be exciting, terrifying...etc.

Anyway...hope that helps. Loved the rest. Grammar good :) Great relationship building between the sisters and dad. :) The narrative stays in the characters heads. :) Fast flow. :) Good luck with this one! Keep writing!
C

jo danilo wrote 574 days ago

This book has great potential and I really enjoyed what I read. I couldn't seem to load chapter 11 or 12 though - maybe a glitch with the authonomy changes this morning.

I do feel there are some timing points that need addressing though. The first is the dialogue between father and sisters. If they were going to be an hour late for work I don't think they'd be quite so chatty. I think that a lot of the info in the conversation can be included later. Also, and correct me if I'm wrong because I was a whole continent away at the time, weren't the twin towers hit by planes about an hour before they fell? I would have expected the whole city to be buzzing with that news, including the taxi driver.

Aside from these things, I would have like to read more mainly because of your book description. It sounds like a great premise - the rapist surviving the twin towers and reappearing when she thought he was dead. Chilling. I also loved your writing style and there were some quite brilliant lines. I particularly liked the father's job being to empty his brain into his daughters before he died.

Because I want to read more, I'm going to back it.

whostercogburn wrote 575 days ago

Hi Liz - just read the first chapter, and an excellent read it is too! Very flowing and nice finish to chapter. It's a huge undertaking using 9/11 as a subject for a book, but I'm sure you'll do it justice, and I don't think you'd have any problems with people thinking it could be 'disrespectful' in any way. You're one of the people who saw what happened first hand, and you're as qualified as anyone to write a story around it. Best of luck, Pete.

Rachaelet wrote 577 days ago

Hi, I looove your story. It's just beautifully written and brilliant. Good luck...backed :)

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