Timothy Poach

Hi Arnold, this is one of the best things I've read on authonomy. I'm completely gripped. The voice and method of telling the story (using Timothy's internal dialogue) is executed brilliantly -- the dilemma, the excuse, the deja-vu, the guilt, the dread, the excuses, the lies, the argument). The sex scene is suitably brief, sparse, void of pleasure or sensational description. Let's call it cold.
The voice is memorable; the writing is professional, the dialogue stunning.
I will read on later.
As you may have guessed, this is backed.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

TIMOTHY POACH

It's Okay. Racy style. Backed.
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

this gets off to a very entertaining start , there is a real sense of fun, the journey of redemption and self growth through the wildest of circunstances, cool

Great start. Totally gripping! I don't usually like stuff in present tense but this drew me in and I think it's excellent. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

A gripping journey filled with surprises. Well crafted characters with real emotions. Wonderful imagery. Powerful dialogue. Intense narrative. Brilliant writing. An infectous read. Backed.

Hi Arnold, This is a narrator voice that has such continuity with the action that it simply reels along. The deja vu feeling really came through; Timothy's mood reigns throughout the first scenes. Which is what makes him downcast and concerns. Very smooth writing and strong rendering of the Tanya and Patti sequences. I was immersed. Easily shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Tom appears to be just like so many lying mates. Feel sorry for Pattie. Backed.

Timothy Poach

Arnold Lane

"Welcome to Purgatory." I see this sign hanging on the authonomy doors too . . .

Your pitches place Timothy Poach in a very bad light - which makes him immediately sympathetic in my eyes because experience has proven that the bad is not so bad and the good is not so good (except perhaps for monsters like Hitler et al).
"Seven months.
It's okay.
Seven months.
It's okay."
I find the repetition of these words several times in chapter one, almost poetic.
The relationship between your rock star MC and Pattie is of course a commonly odd one. He is torn because of it as seen through his thoughts, yet his promise of monogamy is deceitful. Common relationship problem stretching as far back as caveman days. Some very good writing here and I'd love to come back and read more when I have time as I see you've tagged this as science fiction as well and I am keen to see how this moves from the mundane and ordinary relationship-wise, to what might be an exciting science fiction angle - would have loved if you'd given some indication of this in your long pitch. Backed some time ago and best with it.

Good idea for a story. :)

Your prose is descriptive without being overwrought. And the interior monologue and dialogue are crisp and clean.

I'd like to make a few tiny suggestions, though. I hope that's OK.

1 Occasionally I think you use more commas than you need to eg "Backstage, after the show, I spot..." would read easier and clearer as something like "After the show I spot her backstage..."

2 I don't think you necessarily need speech tags + beats. eg ""Hi," she says. Her voice is soft, seductive." could read better as ""Hi." Her voice is soft, seductive."

3 I'd lead off with dialogue wherever possible eg I'd replace "She wipes her eyes. "I'm gonna sleep out here..."" with ""I'm gonna sleep out here." She wipes her eyes..."

OK I'll stop nitpicking now. I think you're a good writer with a v readable style. Your characters feel real and complex. I do care what happens to them and want to read on.

I'm happy to back your book. Best of luck with it. :)

Pete

This is very controlled writing. I found myself liking Timothy in spite of myself. And the first chapter wasn’t enough for me. (Very minor typo in Ch 2. ‘I thrown the pillow’ should be ‘I throw the pillow”.) Normally I dislike present tense but this is quality writing. (it’s proximity should be Its proximity, btw.) not at all my usual type of read, but this is very good. I read the third chapter as well.

What a dark and compelling story. I've read all that is uploaded. When do we get the rest? I think this will make people squirm--that's a compliment. I backed it when it first appeared and came back last night to finish it. Got time just now to drop this note. Please consider backing my novel Fidelity. Thanks.

Arnold -

Timothy Poach - Realities flow into each other like wine into water, achieving the disorientating and yet fascinating shifts of perceptions Timothy experiences, the is-this-really-happening to me, can't be. And yet these episodes are more vivid than his so called real life. A brilliant start to what promises to be a transformation of meaning.

Backed recently, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Nicely written. You have developed some interesting charactesr here and made them evocative enough to grab my attention. There were a couple of typos things like "one" instead of "on" and "you're" instead of "your" but otherwise a pretty clean text.

Have to admit though all Tim's repeated thoughts actually irritated me a little at times and were definitely something I'd suggest you look at cutting back just a smidgeon on.

All in all an enjoyable read.

Backed.

S.J.

Excellently written. You have an eye for the darkness that most don't find in science fiction and you bring it out with a hard and gritty writing style.

BACKED

This was awesome, I love the idea of setting a book in purgatory, in the in-between world. it gives us a look at something we haven't seen a whole lot. Tim is a great character, he's kind of an ass but we like him anyway, that's a tough thing to do. I like all the foreshadowing you do in this, we get a sense of what is to come and want to find out some things. We're discovering and experiencing it with Tim. This is something that has always fascinated me so I loved it from the beginning. I just hope you decide to upload more soon! I would have liked to read on.

Missy

VERY good. I've read all of your Chapters. Everything was convincing. From the backstage hangers on to Tim bawling out his keyboard player for daring to write a song. I especially like the way he arrogantly wants Pattie to stop arguing with him so that she doesn't make him lie about his infidelities. He really is something of a prick isn't he? Which is gives no end of credit to your writing. You see it happening to older rock stars all the time. The success going to their heads, then believing their own hype (like Tim's conversation with The Cliff in the cafe) and then developing a superiority complex. Dick heads.
Your pacing is nigh on perfect, the story dragged me deeper with each subsequent Chapter. The third is the best. I found it quite effecting when Tim sees his father, and I like the pockets of parallel universes (Pattie and the baby in Chapter two and Dad in Chapter 3) that Tim steps into. I have a theory as to how I think your story is going to go.
Tim gets deja vu looking at the bus crash on the groupies television set, but it's a premonition. And he's not dreaming when he's sees his body being pulled out of a wreckage. I think after he leaves the groupies house, lickered up and high, he has an accident. Everything from here on out is a sort of dream/the entrance to purgatory, while paramedics and doctors fight to save his life. He's going to see the way he is and the way that he could/should be in his life, kind of like A Christmas Carol meets Vanilla Sky.
If I'm way off the mark then sorry, but I don't think it really matters. What does is that you've rocketed to the top of my Authonomy pile with your excellent story. A really, really good read. Thanks.

One small point. When Tim's arguing with Patty, you tend to repeat yourself with Tim's "Just stop it Pattie..." Line of thought. I think that if you were to alter the the one underneath "My hand tightens into a fist" just slightly, it would make it flow a little better.

Immediate, dramatic, vibrant well written and with an interesting premise. What's not to like?

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Timothy Poach
I like the pitch, the writing is good too
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Arnold:
I love how you open this book. as a former rock musician, for whom many nights ended up blurring together, the justification that goes on in Timothy's mind is right on. The pacing is great, and you jump right into explication of your main character through action rather than description. An intriguing setup that makes me want to read on.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

TIMOTHY POACH
This is an interesting story. None of us know if there really is a purgatory so an author has free rein to imagine what it could be like – and this author creates an interesting one. You have a good character in Timothy; he’s bold and trashy and it’s clear why he’s in purgatory. I like the way you wrote this in first person; it really lets a reader get inside his head and view the world from his side – even tho his views can be controversial. I’m happy to add this to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

This is such talented work! If I were a publisher Id be dialing your number pronto! Backed with pleasure because Id buy it!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Hi Arnold, this is one of the best things I've read on authonomy. I'm completely gripped. The voice and method of telling the story (using Timothy's internal dialogue) is executed brilliantly -- the dilemma, the excuse, the deja-vu, the guilt, the dread, the excuses, the lies, the argument). The sex scene is suitably brief, sparse, void of pleasure or sensational description. Let's call it cold.
The voice is memorable; the writing is professional, the dialogue stunning.
I will read on later.
As you may have guessed, this is backed.
Best wishes,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Nice pace and just enough to keep the npage turning, that together with a good pitch should see you up there. Best of luck THE TAILS OF WILLIE GUSTY

There are at least three books on here dealing with the afterlife but I like the way you lead into this. You need a dramatic cover very quickly so that you stand out from the rest. All that said,you should do very well with this. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline and created a most memorable main character in Timothy. I really like your use of the first person narrative voice. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

I thought right at the start, that it was going to be rather cliched - the woman, the green eyes etc. but no - it turned into an edgy thing that made me really intrigued - where he's in the apartment and convinced he's seen it all before. The writing is good, the dialogue believable and his inner thought excellently inserted. I thought it was all very believable (the interactions with his wife etc.) and I really enjoyed it. It's intrigued me enough to be certain of reading on. Watchlisted for the next shelf change.
Polly
STONES.

I read chapter 2 as chapter 1 would not upload but this happens sometimes, I found this to be extremely interesting as it comes across so open. I like the way when Zachary has written some lyrics you express what was really thought in italics. The reader can relate and it engages well. The inner thoughts come across well and I think this works. Authentic and different and quite intriguing.

Backed,

Lisa

Dear Arnold, I love that I am not in Tim's life :) - I have enough problems of my own without all that he has, too. :) Your pitch explained exactly Tim's circumstance & it followed through in your book. I've already been there/done that & am glad all of that is in the past & that God loves me in spite of myself & my bad choices. :) Your tight tight paragraphs & dialogue moved your story quickly. :) I've backed your book :) - hope you'll take a momment to back my 2 memoir books. :) Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

I am not usually a fan of internal monologues but in this case it seems to work. :)
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown