Volcano

You understand perfectly how relationships teeter and balance on the edge and how they can fall instantly without warning to the ground. Your writing shows wisdom and knowledge and a thorough insight of adults through the eyes of a child. The merry-go-round of blame, fault and the rollercoaster ride of trying to step aside, move away, change or let go, you capture with ease.
Well done and good luck.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

10 September 2010
The deftness with which this author juggles with the various POVs is striking. Not only are the changes of perspective seamlessly accomplished but the development of each character, which materialises through their thought processes, is masterful. All is not as it seems and a stark, ugly and demeaning relationship is treated with sensitivity and perception which progresses to a revealing climax. An astute display of literary skill and top drawer storytelling. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

A heartbreaking look at domestic violence that goes beyond the surface--even wife-beaters have a conscience, something that literature has explored rarely and only superficially. Doing frist-person child's voice is full of pittfalls, which you avoid admirably.

Backed with best wishes.

A.P. Constantin

The Crystal Butterfly Club

I rather enjoyed this. It was painful to read, to WATCH these people struggle for something they knew was unattainable. And yet, they let faith and hope blind them to the truth, as we all do from time to time. It's full of emotion that just hits home even if what goes on in this story is not something the reader has dealt with themselves. You take us there, through the children and their parents, through the people watching the meltdown and even those who have a hand in causing it. It's not something I would have picked up myself, but having read it I must say it's... well, everyone else has already said it, so I'll dump on the bandwagon. It's powerful.

I wish you luck with this one, it deserves the praise it receives.

My goodness what a powerfully insightful work. It broke my heart reading Jessica’s part more than anything. This is an insightful. It’s an addictive commentary of how life should not be. The way you capture Jess’s innocents her rational, is very overwhelming. Her mothers mixed messages, her fathers love, given, withdrawn. It’s almost too painful to read. I could not feel compassion for him but the loss of his imagined manhood; breadwinner status, is possibly what drives these weaker men. You have created something outstanding here. Like a child watching a scary movie from behind the sofa, a we don’t want to read on its so sickening, but we have to. You are very gifted at your craft I hope this does well for you.

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – please take a moment to take a look.

Hello , well you certainly get down to business straight away , which I think is vitally important , so many authors forget about the need to hook the reader as soon as possible. Very dramatic and exciting.I look forward to reading the rest of it. I wonder if you would have the time to look at the first chapter of my novel 'A Buccaneer' , which is is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon. Watchlisted and starred.

I admire strong female characters that stand up to their abusers for the sake of their children and themselves. Volcano is so painfully realistic, with such vibrantly alive characters, that you can't help but go through all the emotions they ignite.
I love little Jess's voice, so innocent, so hopeful, so helpless.
Eloise is weak and too sentimental. I'd like to see her as a mama bear, fiercely protecting her cubs and standing up to him when he hurt little Jessica, rather than demurely staying in the car while he tells the medics lies.
Excellent writing that brings about many emotions, and the idea that domestic violence should be obliterated at any cost.
Six stars and placed in line for the shelf.:)
Maria
Dark of the Moon

Hi
I have read a few of your book. This is a story of pains. I have enjoyed.
Thanks
Ahmad

How can you portray such a family story? In a glance, it presents a picture of tragedy. But we cannot rule out it as a tragic work. If we spill the beans, we can see the clash of family ties. It does mean that humanity is nothing before some persons if they have vested interests. Congratulations, because you have made a close observation of life.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire
The Seagulls

Hi Karina. I picked up your book after reading your - profile comments. I just wanted to see something about you. Wow, I'm not sure if this is too much reality or not. I just got through the prologue.

I guess this is what a good writer is supposed to do; take you someplace else. You did it. You also used the prologue correctly; congratulations.

I also write in the first person. There are only a few of us. You do it well, I'm not sure of me.

If you want, take a look at my book, A PLACE IN LIFE. I'd be interested in your first impression or comments.

Good luck with your book - finish it!

Old Bob
A PLACE IN LIFE

I had time to read the prologue and chapter 1. As said in my message, I'm interested in realism and family drama. Your story certainly held a lot of drama, not in the sense of overplaying things, but the kind of dramatic realism found in abusive situations. This stuff happens all to frequently, where the loss of a job or anything else can gradually bring down a family: cause cracks in loving relationships, bring out tempers, change people through depression, etc. I think you portrayed this really well through dividing the MCs sections, giving it from their points of views. Paul doesn't want to be like this, the violent husband he despises from news, but what you want in relation to what is inherently a part of one's character clashes. He's violent, he can't control himself-seeing black and not red, his depression is deep. You can see he's taking out his frustrated emasculation on his family. He's unable to handle the fact that he can't provide as well as he used to, he can't get what he wants. The aspect where he doesn't want Eloise dressing up also shows he's afraid that she will leave him because his virility/his ability to provide has been questioned. Not by her, but by him. It's what's in his head. I think it's good that you put in the result of his anger in the prologue. His feelings towards what he's done also shows that he's human, not a callous monster. Though it's sad that Eloise had to take the worst of the consequences. He will live.

You paint each voice distinctively, but the most noticeable one is the childs. Your narrative for Jessica was well-done in the sense that it was done from a child's perspective, with a five-year-old's concerns: Santa, being afraid that she won't get a present because she lied, being taken away from her parents, her Daddy being scary... You also used words that weren't too big for her. I say all of this because there are writers on here and youwriteon that I have seen trying to portray a young child, but have used inappropriate words a child of this age can not possibly understand. They have also written them from an adults perspective, which makes it appear that they are retelling what has happened years later when they are really supposed to be detailing the present. It's good that you've avoided this.

Well done. All the best, Marita.

VOLCANO

Dear Karina,
This is my kind of straight up story, no holding back. I have five starred the manuscript and it is on my WL waiting for shelf space.
A zoomer

You understand perfectly how relationships teeter and balance on the edge and how they can fall instantly without warning to the ground. Your writing shows wisdom and knowledge and a thorough insight of adults through the eyes of a child. The merry-go-round of blame, fault and the rollercoaster ride of trying to step aside, move away, change or let go, you capture with ease.
Well done and good luck.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

Hi Karina, I started reading again at Chap 5. The dynamics of the family members drives this and hooks me to the next version of the story. I liked how the parents are overwhelmed with emotion while Jessica is so concrete and sees what's right in front of her. The parents swing off of any event, sometimes too much but that's realistic as long as the reader is still grounded. Great texture! Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I have to confess that this is not my preferred genre of novel, Katrina but I was hooked enough to read and enjoy the first three chapters. A powerful and gripping start. You use the different voices of the family well - Jessica's is a superb achievement (although I would have preferred it broken into paragraphs - easier to read.) A very brave attempt to try to show Paul's POV - although I'm not sure that it works for me. A really original piece of writing and I wish you all the best with it. Highly starred.

Just started reading this. Jess describing her mummy's round tummy as 'a bit smaller than my spacehopper' and dreaming of a house with a big lock. Paul's sharp, bitter take on his life. EKB (love the Austenian name), the clearest voice of all: 'I do not love him enough not to be scared'; 'I'm wearing eyeshadow because it matches my dress you bastard'; 'I am the woman who broke her daughter'. Will come back and comment etc. more when I've read more.

Thanks for backing Housebound, and I will back this, too. The end of chapter two (to where I read) gives us hope: "I am a the man who can change." What was confusing for me as a reader was the use/non-use of italics. I thought I had figured out why you used them, then the "rules" seemed to change. Grammatically, italics aren't needed for dialogue. And, really, just setting a line by itself in a separate paragraph, as you've already done, highlights a phrase. Best wishes.

VOLCANO
When I started to read this I realised I had backed this a short time ago but had failed to write a comment - I address that now. A slight shock as I read the first page with the death of Eloise. We jump to the POV from one of her daughters who describes her in great detail. Love and poignancy pouring out in her tale. This is one huge chunk of narrative but written as from a child it felt right.
Great characters, excellent pace that kept me, the reader, wanting more. This is handles with great care and attewntion. Well done.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

From out the mouths of babes - we see the family so clearly through Jessica's eyes, 'My daddy has a different crossness'. Eloise sees clearly too, sees how redundancy and drink made a weak man weaker, sees how she's let him pick her apart at the seams, sees how she lets him damage her children. Paul, the victim, who imagines he can change by imagining it. Eloise again, self-harming now grown into self-destruction? Did she pick her husband in the same way she picked her razor blades?

This is painful to read, Karina. You capture the misery and hopelessness of the adults, and the unforgivable hurt and disillusion of the child. The various voices are extremely well done, with snatches of poetry, or mantras, to try to explain the inexplicable. Pity Eloise didn't leave Paul to stew in his overdose, but there was never any real prospect of that, and we know where it will all end ... or we think we do. A difficult subject handled with astonishing insight ... backed.

Possible nits: Should all the last lines of the prologue be in italics? Jessica's first breathless contribution is perfect for a child, but is perhaps a little too long, and though it will spoil the effect slightly, it is difficult to read as one unbroken paragraph. 'The man that [who] I thought I knew'.

Love is the most desirable, serene, idyllic, fulfilling, gratifying, satisfing, triumphant, seducing, intense, passionate, exuberant, exultant, exquisite, unselfish and delightfull experience to engage into, for a married couple. But to maintain that level of wholesomeness, it sometimes has to explode into a volcano, of drunken violent rages as one of the party, or both parties, are consumed by jealousy, hatred and insecurity because of a deeply rooted fear of separation, or failure.
Reading Volcano made me realise that being a marriage guidance counsellor, could be one of the hardest jobs ever to undertake.
With the children caught in the middle, this is truly a great concept and I have no trouble giving Volcano my backing in sickness and in health.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Dear Karina Evans,

Yes, a Volcano of raw emotions spews forth. "That man who couldn't change." ... how sad, how final.

Best and backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

All I can say is
Whoa, this is emotional stuff. I felt my heartbeat increasing as I read this. I was depressed, pissed off, and a few other things I cannot define. I guess that means you've done one helluva job. The change in POV's is good, and necessary. The style and tone match the subject matter. Well done. Backed.

Laura Freeman
Writers on the Storm

Karina.

I think twists and complicated webs of intrigue are best reserved for the story. The pitch is confusing.

Eloise Bennett, the devoted mother of Jessica and Joseph, dies after falling down the stairs at her home. On the face of it, Eloise leads an unenviable life: her husband Paul is a violent bully and her mother, Sandra, a control freak. Eloise and her children have suffered at their uncompromising hands for many years, yet are seemingly powerless to escape. As love turns to hate and hate turns to love, Eloise, Paul, Sandra and Jessica tell the story of their lives and the events leading to Eloise’s death. Was Eloise's death a tragic accident? Or is Paul guilty as charged? Live. Love. Leave. Life. Death. A story of vulnerability in even the most hardened of hearts.

The first sentence says Eloise died - fine.
As we read we are understanding this is the story of events leading to her death, and you're setting up for some sort of murder-mystery-suspense - okay.

The mind baulks when you list the individual story-tellers. Joseph is absent - stop. I've gone back and re-read the opening . . . I don't follow.

That was the process. Does that make sense? [

All the chapters are dated accordingly, Joseph doesn't physically make an appearance until later in the book. When he does, he is a baby, therefore cannot talk. I hope this clears up any confusion. At no point have I suggested it is a murder mystery; it is a POV-based timeline.

I love how quick and to the point the prologue of this is. Also, that it's told from more than one perspective makes the story more dynamic and emotional.

Well done,
Tay Tay

I love how quick and to the point the prologue of this is. Also, that it's told from more than one perspective makes the story more dynamic and emotional.

Well done,
Tay Tay

Holy moly, what an incredible start! Beautifully written and so original! Backed, Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Dear Karina,

You have written a moving book in a most unusual way. Your characters all have their own particular voices and see things from their own perspectives. I read the whole book and the plot moves rapidly in spite of each character's point of view of what happened in each scene.

The character differentiation is remarkable. At no time was there confusion about who was speaking. Granted, each section was labeled with the character's name, but as the sections were lengthy, the reader might have been confused if your voice for that character was not so clear.

Not only did the reader get to know Eloise and Paul very well, but their young daughter Jess was just as clearly defined by her use of language and the pacing of her words. A haunting device for moving the plot was Jessica's telling or asking things that revealed unpleasant and secret truth, without being aware of it.

We get to see the motives behind many of the actions by seeing through the eyes of several players. Even the character of Sandra, who seems to be a rather minor character at first, is brought out in her own words. And Amelia, who is a minor but important person in Paul's story.

This is a heart-breaking story -- so sad, yet inevitable. It is very well done and deserves a place on my shelf.

I'm backing it.

Ancient Reader

Dear Karina,
Your work is absolutely amazing...... Powerful pros, simply outstanding writing and a great story which I am sure will bring you much success.
Backed with utmost pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

A very accomplished read. First chapter actually works for as large as it as, as she's rambling her thoughts.

Best of luck with it.

Suz

Karina,

Love your profile.

The prologue is intriguing: the series of stacatto fragments have a nice rythmn and the spare imagery is strong, but it seems to tell a lot of the story.

Oh, and I'm sure about the caps and bold for the last two paragraphs, but that's probably just me.

Jessica's section of chapter one has some brilliant similies (I love the comparison between mummy's tummy and a space hopper, though I doubt mummy would) but it cries out to be broken into shorter paragraphs. It's very hard going on screen in such a slab of text.

Moments like Jessica lying to the nurse to protect dad are buried in the text and such a poignant moment deserves to stand out.

Then Paul's section is interesting: the contrasting couplets are insightful, but they suggest--if this is his point-of-view that he has a surprising self-awareness . . . for me, the second section of his worked better.

Eloise's section also has some wonderful imagery amongst the harsh realities. I particularly the imagery around the white chocolate buttons, I would have liked perhaps a little more here . . . to see just what Jess does in those moments.

But this is horribly authentic and you have a wonderful balance of poetic and prosaic language. Eloise in particular has the slight detachment that is so appropriate.

And what a great line to finish the chapter.

Backed with pleasure.

this straight forward no messing narrative style, gives us this story. lt keeps our interest very well- good book= on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

The first few chapters I've read have led me to believe that this is a very cleverly crafted novel. The stream of consciousness technique has been applied deftly so that the reader is almost unaware of its existence. I particularly liked the way you dealt with Jessica's thoughts - they were heartbreaking. WEll done K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen.

13th September 2010,

Dark and compelling, switching between characters you feel drawn towards them and frightened for each of them in turn. Like fighting all sides of a battle yourself, you know how its going to end, but you cant resist experiencing the journey there with them.

More from this authour please ....

Excellent - one of the very best on this site.
RT

10 September 2010
The deftness with which this author juggles with the various POVs is striking. Not only are the changes of perspective seamlessly accomplished but the development of each character, which materialises through their thought processes, is masterful. All is not as it seems and a stark, ugly and demeaning relationship is treated with sensitivity and perception which progresses to a revealing climax. An astute display of literary skill and top drawer storytelling. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

A heartbreaking look at domestic violence that goes beyond the surface--even wife-beaters have a conscience, something that literature has explored rarely and only superficially. Doing frist-person child's voice is full of pittfalls, which you avoid admirably.

Backed with best wishes.

A.P. Constantin

The Crystal Butterfly Club

Well it is a frightening but compelling read, far to similar to my own experence to read all of it.
But i had tears in my eyes as soon as I started to read it.
So heart felt, so sad, and so true to life
Back of course, with pleasure.

A very heartbreaking and powerful story.
I wish you well with your book.
Backed with pleasure.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

I'm sorry my dear writer but I could not get past the little girl talking about Daddy breaking a little boe that would mend fast. I wish you the best of luck with your story. Sorry I could not continue.

Sincerely,

Will

The truth is possibly one of art's most shocking portraits. You've painted well. I won't rave on about incidental chapter excerpts to prove I've read some of it but, suffice to say, although this needs work (think of it as the frame, because ultimately every picture needs one), it's a powerful angst riddled tome to life and the truth that, sadly, besieges it. Congratulations. Cheers, Anthony

This certainly is exciting and immensely intriguing. I imagine this one will climb fast. I love your style and the plot is grand. Good pitches too.

Best
The mind setter.

I rather enjoyed this. It was painful to read, to WATCH these people struggle for something they knew was unattainable. And yet, they let faith and hope blind them to the truth, as we all do from time to time. It's full of emotion that just hits home even if what goes on in this story is not something the reader has dealt with themselves. You take us there, through the children and their parents, through the people watching the meltdown and even those who have a hand in causing it. It's not something I would have picked up myself, but having read it I must say it's... well, everyone else has already said it, so I'll dump on the bandwagon. It's powerful.

I wish you luck with this one, it deserves the praise it receives.

What a great read; powerfully abstract. I wish you all the best of luck with reaching the Editor's desk. Backed!

I have just read the first 3 chapters - they are so powerful that I need a break! Jessica's voice was superb, although there were one or two insights that I thought might be a little too mature for one so young, but I appreciate that children who grow up in these circumstances have to mature too quickly - so that is not a major criticism.
I thought using all three voices worked very well. It won't be an easy read for anyone - by which I mean the contenty - the language makes it very quick to read, it is pacy, tense and vibrant.
I willcertainly read more chapters.
I'm backing this one.

Annia

This is a heartbreaking story, which became almost addictive. I think anyone, after reading the first chapter, would need to know what comes next. Very raw, powerful emotions, being exposed by the main characters. Unfortunately this horror takes place behind so many closed doors all over the world. You have captured the pain and the essence of this family exceedingly well, and it deserves to be published. Backed for sure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

My goodness what a powerfully insightful work. It broke my heart reading Jessica’s part more than anything. This is an insightful. It’s an addictive commentary of how life should not be. The way you capture Jess’s innocents her rational, is very overwhelming. Her mothers mixed messages, her fathers love, given, withdrawn. It’s almost too painful to read. I could not feel compassion for him but the loss of his imagined manhood; breadwinner status, is possibly what drives these weaker men. You have created something outstanding here. Like a child watching a scary movie from behind the sofa, a we don’t want to read on its so sickening, but we have to. You are very gifted at your craft I hope this does well for you.

Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – please take a moment to take a look.

Well, 'powerful' does it for me, too.
Interesting, original and immediate. Great stuff.
Backed for sure
Peter Wild
Double Action

Powerful narrative voice. A little girl who appears to want to protect all of the disfunction in her family and hide it from others to protect those she loves. The detailed descriptions of the parents are very well crafted through this darling one's voice. Dynamic when comes to drawing out reader emotion. Backed!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

I agree, it is powerful. Nicely done.

Suz

An expolisive read with power charcters and rich diolouge that set the pace for the emotional and heartbreaking rollarcoster ride you crafted for us. This only pushes us foward until the last word. C W

Powerful stuff. The interesting, stylistic prologue drew me in, and chapter one is clearly well-written and edited. Is it my genre? No. Is there a market for it? Yes. Backed with pleasure.
Shaun

Karina - very powerful. An insightful, sad commentary on an unfortunately common family dynamic. Using the point of views of all the characters makes it that much more dynamic as they run through a vivid rainbow of emotions. Very interestiing to see the disaster unfold no holds barred. Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

I've backed it! Nice cover, too

Hmmm .. Do I or don't I ? Maybe Moogins should do it for me and tell me about it ? Oh and with regards to the comments from Mr Watts , the average sentence for manslaughter in the UK at this time is IRO 60 months .. but you ALWAYS get life for murder - the sentence is fixed by law .. love the feedback .. :o)