Book Jacket

 

rank 1005
word count 44274
date submitted 29.08.2010
date updated 21.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adult, Chri...
classification: universal
incomplete

Closet

Eric John Swanson

Closet is a novel about finding out what is really important in life and fighting for the ones we love.

 

Derek was at the bottom of despair from all the ministry rejections he was receiving. Then after a chance encounter with a witch, he picked up a book from the sidewalk that seemed to have all the answers he needed in life. Later that evening, as Derek was reading the book, there was a noise from the closet, and a door was opened to a demonic dimension that a local witch uses to take his mentally disabled son and wife into. Derek then enters the same dimension to save the ones he loves. Along the way he confronts the evil in his own life through the help of the Holy Spirit, who shows up in seven different human forms depending on the situation. After dealing with his own weaknesses Derek has to win back his wife and confront the two creatures that plagued his parents.

 
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death, demonic possession, demons, exorcism, heaven, holy spirit, marriage, mental disabilities, monsters, paranormal, serpent, skinwalker, swords, wi...

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CLOSET

 

Chapter 1

 

 

 

 

 

“This seems like an interesting title for a book, ‘Secrets to Having a Life that Matters,’ I think I’ll pick it up.” John looked inside the book as he stood in the aisle of the local bookstore located in downtown area of Skunk Creek. The sound of snowmobiles could be heard over the sound of a shovel scrapping snow off the sidewalk in front as they made their way to the local tavern near the railroad tracks located a few blocks away.

    “What book did you pick up now? It seems like the colder it gets the more you tend to read. You realize that we have a baby to consider now.” Megan made her way to John with Derek in a portable car seat all bundled up in his blue stocking cap with many warm blankets, looking around his new surroundings. Megan stood on her toes as she attempted in vain to glance over the shoulder of her husband with her shoulder length blonde hair brushing against her husband’s neck. “So, who wrote the book? Is it written by someone you read before?”

    “Actually I never heard of the author or the publishing house, but the concept looks interesting. You know I could be spending our money on snowmobiles, beer and smokes, so in light of that I’m actually saving us money.”

    “You should have gone into politics.” John could see Megan’s eyes roll upward as he turned to face her. She still had the baby in one hand and now placed the other on her hip.

    “Did I ever tell you how attractive you look carrying Derek around like that?” John had a sparkle in his eye as he made his way toward Megan. The sound of the snowmobiles had past and now there was only the scrapping of the shovel outside.

    “Save it for later.” Megan’s eyes started to burn a hole in his soul, but just then Derek started to squirm in his portable car seat and Megan went to look down to see how their baby was doing. “We really need to start a budget. I’m sure getting a book once in awhile doesn’t seem like a big deal, but eventually it adds up. Besides I don’t know the author and it seems like it was written by someone in the area. The Wiccans are getting more and more popular around here. Not everything is worthwhile to read.”

    “You’re right of course. I don’t plan on getting any more books for awhile. Besides it’s very cheap, I think we can manage it. Hopefully the weather will get warmer soon so I can get back to doing some mason work. It has been a long dry spell, but I’m sure

things will get better in a month.” John went to pay for his book with Megan and Derek along his side. Megan’s hands were starting to get wet, her throat was dry and she could hear blood pulsating in her ear as John laid down the money. 

It was a short walk down the sidewalk now clear of snow and around the corner to the parking lot in back. The sun was out after the slight dusting the other night, but it added no warmth to the cold north wind that was blowing across a white landscape that seemed devoid of life with the exception of a few farmhouses out in the distance. The wind cut through the jeans that John and Megan were wearing, sending what felt like ice cubes going down flesh. They both walked in silence, yearning to get into the warm interior of their car. John held on to Megan when they encountered a few patches of ice and once the car was started, strapped Derek into his car seat. 

As John looked over to Megan he noticed the look of someone who was just told she would spend the remainder of her life in prison. “Are you alright? I get the feeling that somehow something isn’t right between us. When we took our marriage vows we became one and I can tell when something isn’t right between us. Is it the book?” John had by this time made his way to the road and had both of his gloved hands on the steering wheel with a constant vigilance for deer as he made it out of the parking lot. Even in the downtown area there had been sightings.

“Ever since Valentine Day something just isn’t right between us. We don’t seem to be close anymore. I remember you use to do spontaneous things, but now it seems like we have fallen into a predictable routine. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the flowers

you gave me, but we really haven’t spent any quality time together. I have been trying to do my best. I made a candle light dinner and let you grill out your steaks in the bitter cold. I have been doing what I thought best to show you how much I care, but nothing seems to affect you. I wonder if you caught the concept that you are actually married now. We are not two single people living together, but rather we are one. Things you do impact me and the things I do should influence you is some way. For instance you have a son now. You have more blessings compared to many guys your age. In fact many would be envious of how God has blessed you.” Megan’s chest started to heave up and down with tears flowing down with nothing to stop the pouring. The tears were starting to get mixed with her newly applied makeup from the morning resulting in dark stains careening down her cheeks. 

“Maybe it’s just the weather. All the cold and being inside has made me quite lethargic. Then being out of work since Thanksgiving hasn’t helped either. But better things are bound to happen. This book I think will help. I don’t think my life has really made an impact yet. I’m bound to get a break through somehow and somewhere. My chance will happen and when it does I will be back to the person you married last year.” John glanced over at his wife to see if his words made any kind of impression. He was only greeted with a blank stare of a tiger trapped in a corner. 

“Don’t give me that. Stop blaming the weather for your depression and laziness and start fulfilling the role of father and husband in this family. Reading books are nice, but you have all the information locked up in your heart. What kind of impact did you want?

Is it not enough to have a son and a wife who will do anything for you? You are everything to me. Is that not enough? Sure money is tight, but God knows what we are going though. Is there something wrong with placing our trust in Him?” Megan’s chest started to heave up and down again and then her head went down to her knees. Her sobbing sounded like that of a mother who just lost her only child. This continued through the remainder of the drive and only stopped when Megan reached in back to unbuckle Derek from his child seat upon arrival home. No eye contact was made between John and Megan as they entered the house.

Derek was placed in his crib while John turned up the heat in the house and Megan started supper. The silence persisted while Megan set the table. John cleaned up the fireplace then placed some logs in to supplement the furnace.

“You really should return the book tomorrow. I didn’t want to argue in the store, but you know we can’t afford the book. Derek is more important and we need to make sure we have enough money to pay for his formula.” Megan made her way to the living room where John was paging through the book. Her usual calm demeanor was replaced with piercing eyes that would have melted a snowman. John got up from the chair and started to pace the living room. All Megan could do was roll her eyes and get back to her cooking.

“I realize times are difficult, but perhaps this book can help me become the person I always wanted to be in life. Don’t you want me to realize my potential in life? Don’t you think God wants me to realize what I’m capable of doing? ” All the sudden a pan dropped

to the floor. The sound of socked feet on carpet could be heard as Megan made her way back to the chair where John was now sitting. Veins could be seen sticking out of Megan’s neck and her right hand was formed in a tight fist. This gave way to an index finger pointed directly at John’s heart. 

“I ought to strike you for uttering such nonsense. Doesn’t God satisfy? He should be everything we need in life because He is everything we have right now. What you have in your hand is sin and it will offer you something different from what God has already given, but there comes a time when you need to ask yourself if God is enough for you or do you need something more? If you want to realize your potential the best place to start is on your knees in prayer and not on some author giving some ‘secret knowledge.’ Don’t you think that things are this way for a reason? Perhaps we need to start focusing on God more in our lives. For instance do we even know where the Bible is located in this house?”  

John dared not look at Megan out of fear that she would start to accidentally spit in his face as she towered over him. Megan made her way back to the kitchen and picked up the pan she had dropped earlier. During the meal Megan and John ate in silence with the only sound being the occasional crying of Derek and the sound of the utensils rubbing upon the plates. This continued through the remainder of the night. Once Derek was put down in his crib Megan soon followed hoping to fall asleep before her husband made it to bed. Once Megan was asleep John his way into the bedroom and spoke in hushed tones as he made his way to her side of the mattress. “I know I have to return this tomorrow, but I just need to find out what it says.”

Megan didn’t even stir as John made his way to the closet with flashlight in hand. There was a particular closet that John was heading to near the kitchen where the coats were hung. Right now with only two coats to move there was plenty of room to read a book. As John started to look through the opening pages all appeared rather innocent, but was it true that death is neither friend nor foe and what did that have to do with achieving greatness in life? John was starting to feel something tugging from within him. The next section mentioned how everything was god and he needed to be the god of his own life. The author wrote down a phrase that needed to be repeated six times and after each phrase a candle was to be lit and placed in a particular pattern. John went though the house looking for candles so he could complete the ceremony.

John had no idea what he was saying, but after the first phrase and the first candle John could hear the wind wiping the branches near the kitchen window. Soon the second candle was lit and the branches were hitting the wind making the sound of a claw on glass. With the third candle a cold breath could be felt blowing down John’s neck. Once the cold hit John twisted himself around, but in the dark nothing could be seen. John’s heart was now beating faster and his throat was dry and his palms were wet in the midst of now shaking hands. His lower lip quivered as he said the phrase over again and lit the remaining candles. At first there was quiet, but then there was a voice that came from the other side of the wall where the coats were pushed to one side.  John started to shiver again as what felt like a north wind crept in. The drywall near the coats started to produce a blue haze and a pair of translucent arms dripping with ectoplasm was now emerging from the wall, making their way towards John. Beads of sweat were drenching his shirt despite the cold environment and his knees were shaking. John dropped the book on the floor and stared in unbelief with eyes as wide as saucers as the arms made their way to John’s throat. A voice that only John could hear was beckoning him to stay in one place while all his nerves were telling him to run. As the hands made their way on John’s throat he let out a scream that caused Derek to cry and Megan to wake up. Without a second thought for her own safety or well being, Megan ran to where she heard the scream. The hands now were around John’s throat and pressing hard so that John could no longer breathe. Megan opened up the closet and tried to get the fingers pried off the neck of her husband, but the creature from within the wall was not about the give up its victim. Then a thought came to Megan to find a Bible and read Scripture, hoping that this would cause the creature to let go. Megan ran through the house in a desperate search for any book that looked thick enough to be what she was looking for. Then out of the corner of her eye on the top shelf she noticed something. Megan knew she would not be able to get it in time, so she ran back to her husband who was now turning a dull shade of blue. “In the name of Jesus, be gone from this house,” shouted Megan with boldness and authority as she again tried to pry off the creature from her husband.

“Jesus I know, but do you know him? I have my prize, now I want you.”                                         

As the body of John slumped to the floor, Megan turned pale and she started to shake from head to foot. The translucent arms made their way towards Megan, but when they were just about to touch her she fell to the floor like a rock and rolled to the kitchen area. The arms could be seen retracting back into the closet. Once back in Megan ran to close the closet door and went to see if Derek was alright. Once satisfied with Derek’s condition, Megan wasted no time in packing some clothes for herself and her son. The foul stretch of burned flesh started to fill the house and Megan was getting sick from the smell.  No one dared to touch the corpse on the floor out of fear that whatever killed John would now come after them. As Megan and Derek made their way to the front of the house they were met by two figures. One seemed to be dressed in black and the other looked like a shadow. Both blocked the door and with careful, but deliberate steps made their way towards Megan. Megan took Derek in her arms and found her way to the back of the house. She reached down to open the door but it was locked. The two figures were now only within Megan’s range of sight. The shadow held what looked like a machete. Megan fumbled around with a shaking right hand to undo the lock in the midst of a racing heart. The shadow with the machete raced toward the door. The knife was hurled through the air, hitting the door just as Megan and Derek escaped. Megan sprinted towards the car and as they started to leave there was the same shadow figure, but in the headlights it was clear that its face was covered with burnt marks along with two huge eyes. It came toward the car and threw another long knife at the windshield causing it to crack. Megan cranked the steering wheel hard to the right to avoid the burnt creature and made it the road.             

 

 

 

Chapters

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aurorawatcher wrote 13 days ago

Hey, Eric. I returned for Chapter 1. I like the characters and the premise of your story and the description of the demonic attack was very well done. I think the plot development is strong.

As Dianna explained, you do need to bring in some emotion. If my husband were freaking out on me, I'd be feeling something very unpleasant -- fear, rage, anxiety. If he told me I shouldn't buy a book, I'd be weighing the reasons in my head, maybe irritated, maybe vacillating.

Some of your constructions make for difficult reading. "Derek was placed in his crib." It's passive voice, which not as horrible as some people make it sound, but should constitute less than a quarter of your sentences. "Megan put Derek in his crib" reads better. "As the body of John slumped to the floor" ... would read a lot better as "As John's body slumped to the floor."

At 44,000 pages, you don't at this time need to worry about word length, but almost all new writers need to pare down their verbage rather than build it up. I would suggest a good reading to eliminate passive voice and any of those awkward constructions like I've highlighted. You can make a good story much better with a little editing.

Lauri (Lela Markham, The Willow Branch)

aurorawatcher wrote 19 days ago

Hi, Eric, I'm just starting to read "Closet". I tend to comment one chapter at a time. So I'm starting with your pitches. Your short pitch is a great synopsis. It could be stronger, more compelling. I'd delete "a novel". It's not necessary and it would tighten up the short pitch.

Your long pitch has too many passive-voice constructions. Remember that the long pitch is essentially a sales pitch -- an advertisement. You want it to be strong and compelling. That's best done by active-voice sentences. The noun does somethng rather than something being done to the noun. Something like -- "Frustrated by ministry difficulties, Derek finds a book on the sidewalk that seems to answer all his life questions. That book proves to be the key to a door to another dimension into which a local witch snatches his wife and son."

Pitch writing is probably the hardest skill we encounter here on Authonomy. Most writers are not salesmen, but it's what we have to be if we intend to market our books. I've rewritten mine about three, maybe four times and will probably rewrite it again. I will get back to you about Chapter 1. Lauri (Lela Markham, The Willow Branch)

Rachelsarah wrote 21 days ago

i have started to read closet and have found it to be a well written piece. having only just joined recently i am increasingly amazed by the talent on this site. there are one or two typos, ie, all the sudden a pan dropped. should it be all of a sudden? nothing major though that cannot be fixed.

Dianna Lanser wrote 34 days ago


Hi Eric,

I enjoyed reading the first three chapters of Closet. The actual “closet” parts were very fast-paced and gripping, and to my chagrin, I found myself relating to the two couples all too well.

I thought you did a great job blending Megan and John’s past with their son’s present situation. The premise of the story is great and the paranormal parts are quite fantastic as you have purposed them to be.

At times I got the feeling that the plot was quite driven or forced. Maybe I could go as far as saying the action seemed rushed into. I wonder if it might help to let the reader linger inside your character’s heads a little more - let them hear your character‘s reasonings, frustrations and fears. I think by doing this it will give a deeper dimension to the story and help your readers become more committed to your characters.

For example in John’s point of view, show what is going on in his thoughts and feelings when Megan was flipping out. And what kind of regrets and terror was going on in him when the green hands were grabbing him. It could even be in the form of an inner prayer: Oh God, help me. What did I do? Protect Megan and our baby…

I like the characters you have developed. They are easy to relate to and envision (especially the mysterious woman in black and Timothy) Introducing that women was a very good devise, definitely creating more intrigue.

All in all, I think you have a great thing going here and you have done well to pique my interest. I will be back to read more! Highly starred.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

P.S. There's a miss-spelling in your long pitch noice noise and in chapter one:

“Once Megan was asleep, John (made) his way into the bedroom…”

K-Trina wrote 45 days ago


Overview: it is my opinion that the first line needs to be stronger. I saw some punctuation mistakes along the way. I love the storyline; demonic vs good. I stopped after chapter 3 but will be back to read more.
Chapter 1
Very interesting way how the book seems to spiral them down into a whirl of chaos; I like how you establish how John is searching for answers when he probably didn’t know the location of the Bible in the home and how when Megan confronted the demon, the demon knew her relationship status with Jesus. I like it – intense and gripping.

Chapter 2
Typo – Matt has a job for on the local campus (on should be one, I believe)
I like the jump to Derek’s life, the explanation of where his mother was – the introduction to Sally.

K Meador
Journey to Freedom/The Chamber

Tom Bye wrote 117 days ago

Hello Eric-

book- Closet'-

This is just gripping stuff, after reading the first chapter and now for some reason the site will not let me go into second or third- However, this first chapter did get me and i wanted to read more of this demonic story.
loved the line ' in the name of Jesus; be gone; I knew from that moment that I was hooked-
the writing and style is literary at it's best in my opinion- and will come back to read more- will keep
on my watch list-
just a thought- I have to agree with the cherry comment about the title- Closet- that name immediately crossed my mind until I read the tags and pitch- perhaps ' demons in closet' might be better- but then. I will give further thoughts on this when I read more of the 15 posted-- have to say - the premise is there for plenty of horror to come; great stuff indeed-

tom bye
book - from hugs to kisses; chapter 18 in mine has that demon touch, as the devil arrives-
oblige and read please- thanks

JamesRevoir wrote 193 days ago

Hello Eric:

I began reading Closet, and I think you have the seed of a gripping story here. Toward the end of the first chapter, I think you start gaining the attention of the reader to motivate him or her to read further on.

I have some suggestions for you to consider.

1. I think the title may be working against you. In the contemporary cultural dialect, "closet" has come to be associated with "coming out of the closet." If that is the theme of the book, then Closet may be an appropriate title; but since that is not the theme of this particular book, I think there are readers who are likely to not even read the book if they think the book is dealing with a homosexual topic...I'm just trying to help you see how others may prematurely respond to your book.

2. There have been other comments on the dialogue and I, too, was not thrilled about it.
a. First, I think you need to include attributions (he said, she said, etc.)
b. Second, the dialogue has too much minutiae. On any given day at any given moment, thousands of married couples are arguing about money. This play-by-play, word-by-word argument may tend to remind the reader of his own life instead of drawing the reader into the story; dialogue should be crafted carefully to meaningfully develop the story or the characters. To fix this dialogue, I offer two options: 1) cut it down to a briefer, summarized version; or 2) if this has been on ongoing issue in the marriage, you might either summarize how the marriage and interaction had changed in the past given amount of time.

Editing and re-editing is a normal expectation of the writing process. Keep working at polishing up this book and you will have a winner on your hands!

Blessings.

James

GriffinsMustFly wrote 384 days ago

I didn't likethe way you started out your first chapter (needs a better hook) and your dialogue could use some work, but your ideas and problems are very real. Try listening to people talk in order to strenghten your dialogue; helps a lot, and with some editing help you could have a great novel!

Jrestabrook wrote 408 days ago

Oh, I didn't realize that you self published the book, before you edited the rough draft that is posted here on authonomy. Good luck. And on your second book, read it after it is finished- about three months later. Fix it. Then have it critiqued. I really don't mean to be mean, but closet was not, is not, ready for sale. It needs a lot of work, but it has great potential. I mean that to.

Jrestabrook wrote 408 days ago

I like it so far. I don't even mind that the dialogue isn't very realistic, I am still learning dialogue myself. It is the way I talk, just no one else on the planet does. And, since when does a woman tell her husband what is bothering her, she usually will just have a fit complaining about everything but the real problem. I am going to have to read on to find out if Megan finds a good husband next time.

Jrestabrook wrote 408 days ago

I like it so far. I don't even mind that the dialogue isn't very realistic, I am still learning dialogue myself. It is the way I talk, just no one else on the planet does. And, since when does a woman tell her husband what is bothering her, she usually will just have a fit complaining about everything but the real problem. I am going to have to read on to find out if Megan finds a good husband next time.

Charmain wrote 472 days ago

Wow! I have read up to chapter four and your story is really intense. I give this six stars and back it willingly. This is like sitting down and reading a Frank Peretti novel, I love it.
I only saw a few mistakes in the manuscipt but other than that the writing style is excellent.
-Charmain

SusieGulick wrote 472 days ago

How totally wonderful you are, Eric!! :) You take my breath away & my eyes are all puddled up ;( - sweet tears ;) :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have gold ******-rated your book :) - hope you've ****** 'd mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

Vice Captain Sam wrote 508 days ago

Okay, here as promised! As always these are only opinions and in no way need be considered as gospel.

CHAPTER ONE

The opening line of dialogue, for me, is redundant. It doesn't tell me anything, and as it's so isolated I have no idea what brought about this conclusion. Just go from 'John looked inside...'

'The sound of snowmobiles'- I do this a lot myself. Wherever you see the word 'sound', try and substitute what precisely the sound is. In this case snowmobiles- so roar? Growl? Sputtering? And again with 'sound of shovel scraping snow (NB typo for 'scraping'): the crunch?

The end of this paragraph confused me. We're in a bookshop, right? But now they're walking to a tavern? Got me lost.

Love the description of the baby- we can see Derek all tucked up nice and snug!

About the baby vs. reading- er, how does having a baby mean no time for reading? Reading is something that can be done at home and is relatively inexpensive- didn't quite work for me.

'Actually...'- you repeat actually twice in this sentence. The dialogue too isn't quite natural enough for me. Try using some abbreviations: 'Actually I've never heard of the author or publishing house...Y'know I could be splurging out on snowmobiles and smokes. I'd be saving you more money with this book.'

'The sound of the snowmobiles'- again? Are they really that important? Also the brain learns to dismiss repeating sounds after a while so he wouldn't be noticing them unless one exploded!

I'm finding it hard to read on, not because of the writing so much but it's really, really boring! So there's a couple who're having a fall out over a book. I really don't care. If you want me to care you've got to build more of a picture of the characters. Also, I'm not getting much reaction from John. What does HE think about all this? It's flooding out in the dialogue but with this kind of issue there's going to be a difference in what he thinks and what he says. I'd like a bit more of a contrast.

The dialogue bits are also enormous- too much is being spilled out. While it's important to the story, reading about someone else talking isn't great for enticing me to read on.

Your paragraphs are very large too, particularly towards the end. This made them hard to read for me. Break them up a bit. This quite spoiled the content for me, too, as I was spending more effort concentrating on the lines that enjoying what was happening.

I'll stop here. Writing needs a little tightening but otherwise it flows and reads well. Dialogue needs to sound more natural and flow-y. And since not a lot is happening, I want some character reactions to make up for it. Work on these elements and hopefully that might help inject more tension into it!

Sounds harsh, but it's what I honestly think.

All the best

Sam241

LL Su wrote 513 days ago

Hi Eric,

Your short pitch is a telling sentence. See if you could spice it up with a showing sentence or an enticing question.

Here are some thoughts on your long pitch. Remember they're just one person's suggestions. Gather more ideas from others. It is YOUR story.

Stay away from "was, were, is, are" words whenever possible. They tend to be telling words. Show the readers, not simply state something. Check your spelling. "noice" should be "noise". How did that noise sound? Make me hear it.
hissing, tinkling, clanging, blaring, shrieking, etc...

You've got a good premise to Closet. I like the closet as a portal to another world into another dimension. You've perked my interest. You just have to revamp your long pitch a little. The last sentence left readers hanging to find out if Derek could win back his wife and fight the creatures. Good job!

Will be back to read your chapters.

All the best, Eric!

LL Su ~}¡{~ WONDERFLIES~}¡{~

Sharon.v.o. wrote 541 days ago

Eric,
Well, I have to say I did not expect the first chapter to end like that! What a suprise! The hair on my arm stood up as John began to light the candles. I can only imagine what would have happened had he managed to light all 6 candles.
The story moves along well introducing us to a young couple struggling with finances and a new baby. Most people can relate to that.
The transition to the events in the closet are unexpected and compelling, ending the chapter 180 degrees from how it began.
There are a few small grammer, punctuation correction issues, such as when Megan askes "You realize that we have a baby now". This should end with a question mark. Her shoulder length hair brushes his shoulder. Try to avoid the using the same word twice in quick succession.
The last paragraph says "their father". John is Megan's husband and Derek's father and so is confusing to the reader.
Nicely done, drama and supernatural activity. A good way to start any book.
Kindest regards,
Sharon Van Orman

CR Harding wrote 549 days ago

Eric, At first I thought the whole chapter was going to be about a husband and wife bickering back and forth over money, etc., but then the book came into play and John was attacked by a pair of demon hands. Wonderful. I only suggest some grammar-type issues towards the ending of chapter 1 about where their father laid... maybe cleanup and clarify better. Just a suggestion. Good read. In my watchlist. Your friend, CR Harding

E.I.Smith wrote 550 days ago

I'm putting it on my watch list cause I like the story, and the tension between John and Megan with money troubles really reflect this day and age, we all have money troubles, but I also like the love I can sense between them. I gonna sent you a message on some things that may help your writing improve. Keep writing, keep dreaming.

Elizabeth

E.I.Smith wrote 550 days ago

I'm putting it on my watch list cause I like the story, and the tension between John and Megan with money troubles really reflect this day and age, we all have money troubles, but I also like the love I can sense between them. I gonna sent you a message on some things that may help your writing improve. Keep writing, keep dreaming.

Elizabeth

LORIN wrote 594 days ago

Hi Eric. I advice to perfect the summary: "Noise" and "dimension", minor things that can effect if people proceed to look at your book or not. I think this is a wonderful book. The devil is always at work, trying to catch us while we are vulnerable. Bringing realistic ways to do it to the world is very important to fighting the devil himself. Also, I think people become removed from their spouse and talk about how one day they were like a stranger to them, and they never contribute it to something like this... and then fight for them. I think this is a beautiful story of someone who came out of darkness and then fought for his family with the help of the Holy Spirit. Backed with Pleasure.
My book, Phen, is actualy similar but done in a highly fictional manner for kids, teens. I would love your input.

Lorin

Barry Wenlock wrote 604 days ago

Hi Eric, I read chapter one and enjoyed it. Secrets of having a life that matters -- intriguing title. John and Megan's marital and financial difficulties are explained by good dialogue and then the dreadful and terrifying 'attack' in which John is killed.
'...where their father lay dead', seemed a bit odd as John was Megan's husband, not her father.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISN AND THE BIHAR BOYS

yasmin esack wrote 605 days ago

Dearest Eric
here! here! how i wish and hope we could have inspiring books as yours. You have touched hearts and stirred minds.
Your book impressive and more so, you connect well with the reader. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of easy and grasping.
It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed
(May have backed it before)
Many thanks and look forward to your support

Andrew Burans wrote 615 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Derek. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Ron Mitchell wrote 619 days ago

You have chosen a topic that hits many ministers throughout their careers, not just after seminary. However, you have placed an interesting twist and imagination with this book. I'm not as taken with your dialogue because of sometimes giving too much detail. The dialogue sometimes gets preachy rather than just using normal responses in a conversation. Your dialogue is not bad. I just believe it needs to be more natural. Saying that I believe you have a good story here which shows much promise and a good future. Best of luck with your continued writing and God's blessings.
--author of December Gold, a Christian historical fiction novel

Walden Carrington wrote 620 days ago

Eric,
Closet is an imaginative work of Christian fiction delving into the battle of good versus evil. The fantasy elements will draw in readers of that genre who would benefit from reading a Christian work. Backed.

yasmin esack wrote 626 days ago

Great read. I love how you start off with a book purchase and build into the real issues syrround Dreyk and Meg. She seems the typical nag. Your story moves flawlessly and you leave the reader wanting to turn the page. Nice atmosphere and setting with the tension between the two and, then, you weave in the depressing weather.

Very good indeed
Best
The Mind setter.

name falied moderation wrote 631 days ago

oops backed it again still best of luck

Denise
The Letter

andrew skaife wrote 633 days ago

You have married the fantasy in well with the christian here and brought both together under the guise of excellently written prose.

BACKED

SusieGulick wrote 633 days ago

You are so totally fantastic, Eric! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my 2 memoir books? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I'll #7 to put your book on my watchlist. :) And #7 for your comments. :)

SusieGulick wrote 633 days ago

Dear Eric, I got so excited when I saw that you backed my memoir book, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." :) I really appreciate it. :) Could you please take a moment to back my other memoir books, "Tell Me True Love Stories?" Thank you so very much. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I'll be #6 to put your book on my watchlist. :)

Burgio wrote 633 days ago

CLOSET
This is a story with many dimensions; on the surface, it’s just a good read. Underneath it’s an exploration of good and evil. I liked Derek from the start. The idea of a closet opening to reveal this strange demon world is good plotting. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 3rd place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

name falied moderation wrote 633 days ago

Dear Eric

I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

name falied moderation wrote 633 days ago

Dear Eric

have started to read so will comment later

Denise
The Letter

lizjrnm wrote 634 days ago

Original and talented writing! Easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

SusieGulick wrote 634 days ago

Dear Eric, I love that your story includes God. :) Chapter 12's "God" message by Derk to his wife was pretty impressive :) - certainly the gift of encouragement. :) May Jesus give you the wisdom to finish your book. :) Your pitch drew me in to read on & your tight dialogue & paragraphs kept me reading, along with you good storyline. :) I've backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back my 2 memoir/testimony books. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

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