Out Of Orleans

Wow! Thanks for the support and awesome words! I really appreciate you! 1 Love~

Words jumped right off the page......grabbed ahold of me...... and didn't let go until the last word was read..... In your face...........honest.... gut wrenching.....message of experience, strength and hope....
LOVED IT!! I want MORE... :-)

Thanks Lynn, I really appreciate the support! And if you think of it return bi-weekly, that would be so awesome! 1 Love~~~~~~~

You have an awesome way of sharing your thought ~ Keep up the great work my friend.

Words jumped right off the page......grabbed ahold of me...... and didn't let go until the last word was read..... In your face...........honest.... gut wrenching.....message of experience, strength and hope....
LOVED IT!! I want MORE... :-)

You have an awesome way of sharing your thoughts ~ Keep up the great work my friend.

You have an awesome way of sharing your thought ~ Keep up the great work my friend.

Thanks Andrew! I've got a new project that I'm working on and have to give this more attention! 1 Love~

KEEP DRIVING THIS BABY.....NOT FAR AWAY?

KEEP DRIVING THIS BABY.....NOT FAR AWAY?

Thanks Rhonn! Hope that all is well in the DTX! 1 Love~

Congrat's Lee...
Wishing you much success ALWAYS!
Rhonn R. Dallas/Ft. Worth TX

Congrat's Lee...
Wishing you much success ALWAYS!
Rhonn R. Dallas/Ft. Worth TX

Thanks Towanna and I have the same wish... 1 Love~

Although I have not read the entire book yet, I will as it really has grabbed me. Based on the first chapter, this book should be put in the stores so folks can feel the real honesty in the pages. I will continue to send my opinion, as I continue to read this. Towanna (Seattle52)

Although I have not read the entire book yet, I will as it really has grabbed me. Based on the first chapter, this book should be put in the stores so folks can feel the real honesty in the pages. I will continue to send my opinion, as I continue to read this. Towanna (Seattle52)

Right On! And I look forward to your input... Thanks

Hi Lee thanks for introducing me to the site...I'm looking forward to reading the book...I will chat with you soon.
Smiles,
Melinda

Hi Lee thanks for introducing me to the site...I'm looking forward to reading the book...I will chat with you soon.
Smiles,
Melinda

chuckling... Been too busy deleting chapters and just got finished and posted Chap 37! I've got the rest read to take it to 41 and it's finished. Marketing will be the effort of the days ahead. Thanks for checking on me and I love the new cover... 1 Love~

159 C'mon Lee think marketing?

159 C'mon Lee think marketing?

Thanks ever so much and I've made some initial changes based on your suggestions. I wish that I had the time right now to work it all out... Personal message me if you want the details of "Now"! Thanks again and I really appreciate your support. 1 Love~

Hi Lee

Sorry for the delay in returning the read. Ok so your pitch, for me I found it hard to read in one block and would maybe look a splitting into paragraphs so it's easier on the eye. Also, 'affect' should be 'effect'

Ok so your firs chapter, a couple of things I noted. Of course this is all only my opinion and I don't tend to read heavy lit fic so it could just be that I'm missing the point with some, if that's the case then i do apologise...

'this place is or people like me who got lost or who became homeless' - I'd remove the second 'who' as it feels a touch repetitive. 

'did you know that one in every three homeless (I would put 'person' here instead of people) in America are (I'd use 'is' instead of are) a veteran?'

The spelling out of 1982 I stumbled over, but that may just be down to style.

You have a lot of 'that' sprinkled in there, just a heads up. The punctuation is, to me, a little off but again, I know the rules are sometimes applied differently in this genre. 

The intro I liked. It was like a long, rambling thought but I'm a little confused so far with how this links in with Jacques. Maybe it'll get clearer as I read on.

The bit about Marabina (lovely name btw) I felt that the 'beautiful, witty and stunning' felt a bit repetitive because of the 'stunning'. To me, this is the same a beautiful, if a little more potent and personally I didn't think you needed both.

He started smoking weed when he was 10. You say 'one year before he separated from active duty' for some reason it read to me like the one year before was when he was 9??

The intro of Trace, you have Jacques say to him not to talk about his mum like that, but I don't recall Jacques mum being mentioned...

Looking into the kitchen - who's looking into the kitchen? Wife beater?? What is that? An article of clothing? Maybe a US/UK lost in translation thing...

Some of the narrative is telling us about dialogue taking place, personally I'd prefer to read it as dialogue, but thats just me.

He is wondering if these two women are the pigs - to me this felt as if he was expecting the police to arrive?

Ok, so Jacques is a bit of a lamo. He has it all but he's coming across as a self centred, arrogant drug dependant good for nothing. I'm guessing by your last sentence he's soon going to be learning a lesson...

Chapter 2

All most - should be almost 

All ways - should be always

So, this is the young Jacques. 

The narrative here feels much, much better and fits the age of Jacques perfectly in terms of the disjointed sentences. 

A man of colour? I don't like that. Though I guess it's probably inkeeping with the time period.

The bit about the woman touching his hair was very nicely done. Hard to believe that stuff still goes on today.

This chapter is, I felt, much easier to read than the first and by showing us his childhood you've made me begin to think a bit better about him. I did think that maybe he'd come from money in the first chapter so it was nice to see that the opposite was true.

I'm having to read off my phone as my net is down so I can't really read much more than this, and sorry of my message is written weird.

Silva

Hi Lee

Sorry for the delay in returning the read. Ok so your pitch, for me I found it hard to read in one block and would maybe look a splitting into paragraphs so it's easier on the eye. Also, 'affect' should be 'effect'

Ok so your firs chapter, a couple of things I noted. Of course this is all only my opinion and I don't tend to read heavy lit fic so it could just be that I'm missing the point with some, if that's the case then i do apologise...

'this place is or people like me who got lost or who became homeless' - I'd remove the second 'who' as it feels a touch repetitive. 

'did you know that one in every three homeless (I would put 'person' here instead of people) in America are (I'd use 'is' instead of are) a veteran?'

The spelling out of 1982 I stumbled over, but that may just be down to style.

You have a lot of 'that' sprinkled in there, just a heads up. The punctuation is, to me, a little off but again, I know the rules are sometimes applied differently in this genre. 

The intro I liked. It was like a long, rambling thought but I'm a little confused so far with how this links in with Jacques. Maybe it'll get clearer as I read on.

The bit about Marabina (lovely name btw) I felt that the 'beautiful, witty and stunning' felt a bit repetitive because of the 'stunning'. To me, this is the same a beautiful, if a little more potent and personally I didn't think you needed both.

He started smoking weed when he was 10. You say 'one year before he separated from active duty' for some reason it read to me like the one year before was when he was 9??

The intro of Trace, you have Jacques say to him not to talk about his mum like that, but I don't recall Jacques mum being mentioned...

Looking into the kitchen - who's looking into the kitchen? Wife beater?? What is that? An article of clothing? Maybe a US/UK lost in translation thing...

Some of the narrative is telling us about dialogue taking place, personally I'd prefer to read it as dialogue, but thats just me.

He is wondering if these two women are the pigs - to me this felt as if he was expecting the police to arrive?

Ok, so Jacques is a bit of a lamo. He has it all but he's coming across as a self centred, arrogant drug dependant good for nothing. I'm guessing by your last sentence he's soon going to be learning a lesson...

Chapter 2

All most - should be almost 

All ways - should be always

So, this is the young Jacques. 

The narrative here feels much, much better and fits the age of Jacques perfectly in terms of the disjointed sentences. 

A man of colour? I don't like that. Though I guess it's probably inkeeping with the time period.

The bit about the woman touching his hair was very nicely done. Hard to believe that stuff still goes on today.

This chapter is, I felt, much easier to read than the first and by showing us his childhood you've made me begin to think a bit better about him. I did think that maybe he'd come from money in the first chapter so it was nice to see that the opposite was true.

I'm having to read off my phone as my net is down so I can't really read much more than this, and sorry of my message is written weird.

Silva

Thank you Strachan. I've wrote mostly about being out of New Orleans and will be happy to look at your work... I wish you great success in your efforts.

Very assured and ,of course , New Orleans is a great setting for a novel , perhaps very underutilised, in fact ,when you think about it ,creative work with the city as background is quite limited which seems strange , I can only think of Clint Eastwood's 'Tightrope'. Are you a native of the city ? I enjoyed reading the first chapter of your book - I wonder if you would have the time to take a look at the first chapter of mine called 'A Buccaneer' and is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon

Very assured and ,of course , New Orleans is a great setting for a novel , perhaps very underutilised, in fact ,when you think about it ,creative work with the city as background is quite limited which seems strange , I can only think of Clint Eastwood's 'Tightrope'. Are you a native of the city ? I enjoyed reading the first chapter of your book - I wonder if you would have the time to take a look at the first chapter of mine called 'A Buccaneer' and is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes , Strachan Gordon

Thanks and I will continue to work on it!

183 slowly but surely...

Andrew David Doyle

183 slowly but surely...

Andrew David Doyle

65 bookshelves your getting there.....185 keep at it....

If you noiticed I have little or none of my books on shelves, sad, this may be but The Silent Apostle is doing well, and The Lost Monks of Avalon manuscript is flying around Hollywood screenplay dudes..but there is a cost.... strange how this unfolds.

Take care,

I think that you have some valid points and it'll take me a minute to process what you've written. I sincerely thank you for the thought and time that you put into this comment. I will look into the info that you left me and will check out your work as soon as I can. It may be next Monday as I'm going to be away from the computer this entire weekend. Again, a sincere thanks. Lee

I think your writing just needs a bit of tidying up and cutting down and not being so long winded at times.

And I might suggest to you, that in view of the start about faking medical diagnosis in order to cover up for broken down spies and what they did in the cold war that you check out, the Rosenhan Expt:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosenhan_experiment

This was entirely done without malice and showed you how psychiatrists would make mistakes and refuse to believe sane people that they were pretending, or really mentally ill that they judged sane as they thought they were malingering.

But it is a start to putting doubt in the average readers mind and then you gradually unveil to them that it has actually been done deliberately.

I would you suggest you re-write the book with this plot (discovering of "mistaken" diagnosis, then discovery on investigation of deliberate faking, and then discovering of reason why), as readers like a good detective novel, and also they sometimes dont believe the premise if you give it to them straight out, no matter how true it is.

(There is an old movie adage, "IT may be true but is it beleiveable" about how some real life stories, no matter how true, the audience just wont believe and switches off, due to prejudice or disbelief. Until someone actually appears in the paper, like the unfortunate woman kept for sixteen years.)

I have found out myself how difficult it is to get poeple to "buy into" the idea of the truth, even if you have documentary evidence stamped under oath in a court like I do, and I wondered if you would consider pandering to the reader's prejudices a bit so that they can connect ot your writing at the outset, then you can let them discover the idea of the govt hiding spies in mental hospitals with faked diagnosis, so no-one believes what the govt made them do.

What do you think of this idea.?

I think your writing just needs a bit of tidying up and cutting down and not being so long winded at times.

And I might suggest to you, that in view of the start about faking medical diagnosis in order to cover up for broken down spies and what they did in the cold war that you check out, the Rosenhan Expt:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosenhan_experiment

This was entirely done without malice and showed you how psychiatrists would make mistakes and refuse to believe sane people that they were pretending, or really mentally ill that they judged sane as they thought they were malingering.

But it is a start to putting doubt in the average readers mind and then you gradually unveil to them that it has actually been done deliberately.

I would you suggest you re-write the book with this plot (discovering of "mistaken" diagnosis, then discovery on investigation of deliberate faking, and then discovering of reason why), as readers like a good detective novel, and also they sometimes dont believe the premise if you give it to them straight out, no matter how true it is.

(There is an old movie adage, "IT may be true but is it beleiveable" about how some real life stories, no matter how true, the audience just wont believe and switches off, due to prejudice or disbelief. Until someone actually appears in the paper, like the unfortunate woman kept for sixteen years.)

I have found out myself how difficult it is to get poeple to "buy into" the idea of the truth, even if you have documentary evidence stamped under oath in a court like I do, and I wondered if you would consider pandering to the reader's prejudices a bit so that they can connect ot your writing at the outset, then you can let them discover the idea of the govt hiding spies in mental hospitals with faked diagnosis, so no-one believes what the govt made them do.

What do you think of this idea.?

Thanks Andrew and I will check out the cover art... Wishing you great success with your work. Let me know if I can help in any way. Lee

Hopefully this will fly upwards....well done .

Andrew David Doyle

Have you seen the dust cover for The Silent Apostle...it really portrays the body of work.

already had it on my shelf....oops only got one book shelf lol

Hopefully this will fly upwards....well done .

Andrew David Doyle

Thanks ever so much and I really hope that you enjoy it! Please "back the book" if you feel that it warrants merit. Again, Thanks in advance.
Lee

Im just back from New Orleans and this i just have to read .. !

Im just back from New Orleans and this i just have to read .. !

Perhaps not, huh! I wondered when you'd show up... Wow, you seem super angry. I feel like I've been attacked and I think that this is the most harsh criticism that I've received to date. It took me months to come up with that pitch. Perhaps you should have read more than two chapters I don't know, and that's o.k. you needn't bother. I also feel like "the people that I keep company with " are some of the best, brightest, and spiritually enlighten and wonderful... Never mind. I really don't need to start my work day off with this kind of negativism. I will say thanks and I wish you good luck with your work.

I don't read literary fiction, so I might not know what I'm talking about, but I'm afraid this didn't hold my interest. I read the first two chapters and, not seeing much evidence of a clever plot or tight dialogue, didn't read further.

I would reconsider your pitch. If I'd come across it while browsing, the sentence fragments and grammatical errors would've made me reluctant to read the book. It reads like a review of the book, or perhaps something a reader would say to a friend to persuade them to read it. But authors write their own pitches on Authonomy, and everybody knows that. Consequently, this comes across as dishonest. At least, work on showing instead of telling in it. Don't tell me there's a darkness in the story. Show me something dark that happens in the story. I'll assume that the pitch is representative of the book - that is, if you mention something dark in the pitch, I'll assume it's because there's a lot of darkness in the book. As for "today's polite society", I don't know what sort of company you keep, but I can't think of many topics that I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with anybody.

If you know that the book needs an edit, but can't afford one, join a critique group. (Actually, I'd join a critique group anyway.) A good one will allow you to make a huge improvement to your writing. They won't fix the book for you, but will show you want you need to know to do most of the fixing yourself. If you then decide to go for a professional editor, it should work out cheaper, because there will be less work for him.

I don't read literary fiction, so I might not know what I'm talking about, but I'm afraid this didn't hold my interest. I read the first two chapters and, not seeing much evidence of a clever plot or tight dialogue, didn't read further.

I would reconsider your pitch. If I'd come across it while browsing, the sentence fragments and grammatical errors would've made me reluctant to read the book. It reads like a review of the book, or perhaps something a reader would say to a friend to persuade them to read it. But authors write their own pitches on Authonomy, and everybody knows that. Consequently, this comes across as dishonest. At least, work on showing instead of telling in it. Don't tell me there's a darkness in the story. Show me something dark that happens in the story. I'll assume that the pitch is representative of the book - that is, if you mention something dark in the pitch, I'll assume it's because there's a lot of darkness in the book. As for "today's polite society", I don't know what sort of company you keep, but I can't think of many topics that I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with anybody.

If you know that the book needs an edit, but can't afford one, join a critique group. (Actually, I'd join a critique group anyway.) A good one will allow you to make a huge improvement to your writing. They won't fix the book for you, but will show you want you need to know to do most of the fixing yourself. If you then decide to go for a professional editor, it should work out cheaper, because there will be less work for him.

Andi,

Thanks for taking the time and reading my work. I'm making some corrections on what you said and I've been told that the mono-log is too long. My work needs to be professionally edited and I can't afford an editor at this time. I have become a better writer from just being on here and with the help of others like yourself. Again a sincere thanks and I wish you the best of luck with your work.

Lee

Hi Lee,

You've set up an interesting premise,and I think this could be really good. I do have a couple of suggestions - hope you don't mind. I thought the capitalization of Ole Man, Country, Government and Military was a bit unusual. Nouns in the middle of sentences aren't usually capitalized. Was this supposed to be a quirk of the narrator?

I also found some over-descrption. For example: sitting in front of and looking out the window. Why not just looking out the window - he has to be sitting in front of it. if this is supposed to be a quirk of the narrator, I think it slows the reader down. Same with "when we are done talking about this, when the complete story is told and finished... You've said the same thing three different ways.

I think if you tighten up some of the writing, you've really got something there. Glad to have read this, and I've starred it and watch listed it.

Look forward to your thoughts on Animal Cracker.
Best,
Andi

Hi Lee,

You've set up an interesting premise,and I think this could be really good. I do have a couple of suggestions - hope you don't mind. I thought the capitalization of Ole Man, Country, Government and Military was a bit unusual. Nouns in the middle of sentences aren't usually capitalized. Was this supposed to be a quirk of the narrator?

I also found some over-descrption. For example: sitting in front of and looking out the window. Why not just looking out the window - he has to be sitting in front of it. if this is supposed to be a quirk of the narrator, I think it slows the reader down. Same with "when we are done talking about this, when the complete story is told and finished... You've said the same thing three different ways.

I think if you tighten up some of the writing, you've really got something there. Glad to have read this, and I've starred it and watch listed it.

Look forward to your thoughts on Animal Cracker.
Best,
Andi

Hi Jay, your insight has me thinking which is good and I am really not sure which way to go. There is a part of me that wants to finish it on here. I need a lot of help with this project and trimming down the monologue might be a good direction to go. It was also suggested that I re-edit the first 5-6 Chapters and I am not good at that. I will return the read as soon as possible and get you on my watchlist/shelf this month. Again, a very sincere thank you for your time and effort.

Lee

Hi Lee,

Thanks for the read. It is bold theme and I must say that I kept at it because each paragraph had something to set me thinking for a minute before I went ahead with the next. The monologue is rather long but the countless points that I mentioned compensated for the length. all the same, my sincere suggestion would be to trim it a little if possible.
My second suggestion is that we need not upload all the chapters of our work - it does not earn us points. Quite the contrary, it leads some to believe that we are trying to break into the big league rightaway, whereas we're not (I made this mistake and am in the process of deleting more than half the chapters I uploaded). 'Out of Orleans' has all the virtues to stand on it's own 6 or 7 chapters.

i am sure that the book will race ahead and hopefully reach the ED soon. For my part I have starred it highly and placed it on my watchlist, where it will remain for probably a week before I place it on my shelf.
All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Hi Lee,

Thanks for the read. It is bold theme and I must say that I kept at it because each paragraph had something to set me thinking for a minute before I went ahead with the next. The monologue is rather long but the countless points that I mentioned compensated for the length. all the same, my sincere suggestion would be to trim it a little if possible.
My second suggestion is that we need not upload all the chapters of our work - it does not earn us points. Quite the contrary, it leads some to believe that we are trying to break into the big league rightaway, whereas we're not (I made this mistake and am in the process of deleting more than half the chapters I uploaded). 'Out of Orleans' has all the virtues to stand on it's own 6 or 7 chapters.

i am sure that the book will race ahead and hopefully reach the ED soon. For my part I have starred it highly and placed it on my watchlist, where it will remain for probably a week before I place it on my shelf.
All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Thanks ever so much Geoff for taking the time to read Out Of Orleans. I have to make some changes and I really appreciate you and your thoughtful comments. I have an idea and am working on a piece of cover art and just as soon as it's finished you will see the changes. Again, a sincere thanks. 1 Love~

Lee

Lee,
This is a good read and I've given it a high star rating. I would move the initial 'copyright and disclaimer to a separate chapter' and start Chapter One on a new page. Let the reader jump straight in.
I still think this book is quite raw and you need to work on the main voice. At the moment it might put off readers as it's fairly concentrated and demanding of concentrations. That aside it's a good story that desrves to do well.
When I have a space I'll happy shelve you.
Geoff.

Lee,
This is a good read and I've given it a high star rating. I would move the initial 'copyright and disclaimer to a separate chapter' and start Chapter One on a new page. Let the reader jump straight in.
I still think this book is quite raw and you need to work on the main voice. At the moment it might put off readers as it's fairly concentrated and demanding of concentrations. That aside it's a good story that desrves to do well.
When I have a space I'll happy shelve you.
Geoff.

Hi Frank,
So sorry for the delay. Yes I would love your backing and would you like a spot on my shelf for the Month of June? I've been traveling this month a lot and haven't got my work done. I plan on finishing "Out Of Orleans" before the end of June. I wish you continued success with your writing. Thanks. Lee

Hi Lee,
I'm delighted to read such a brilliant piece of work and if I like it I will always give it my BACKING. I am convined you will climb high on the slippery pole. Good luck withyour writing in the future. I would appreciate it if you could find a spot on your shelf for (The Contractor)

Frank James (The Cpontractor)

Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment on my project. I really appreciate the support.
We still have a ways to go and I hope that my ascension continues. Lee 1 Love~

awwww shi*, it's about to go down. Exciting stuff Lee! Well written, grabbed my attention once again. Keep up the good work!

awwww shi*, it's about to go down. Exciting stuff Lee! Well written, grabbed my attention once again. Keep up the good work!

Thanks Christina! That means the world to me... You Rock! 1 Love~

Hello Lee,
I enjoyed the book. I look forward to reading more of your works soon. :)
Christina

Hello Lee,
I enjoyed the book. I look forward to reading more of your works soon. :)
Christina

Thanks ever so much. And yes, more chapters later this week for sure...
Lee

I look forward to more chapters..

Suzanne

Thanks ever so much. And yes, more chapters later this week for sure...
Lee

I look forward to more chapters..

Suzanne

I look forward to more chapters..

Suzanne

Hi Lee,
I'm delighted to read such a brilliant piece of work and if I like it I will always give it my BACKING. I am convined you will climb high on the slippery pole. Good luck withyour writing in the future. I would appreciate it if you could find a spot on your shelf for (The Contractor)

Frank James (The Cpontractor)

Whoa- big change from chapters 1 to 2! Really liked each one for what they were, though they were a bit like night and day. We've gone from smoking crack and banging ho's to riding in the back of the bus on Canal Street. You've cetainly humanized Jacques. Great story so far- not to much to say about that. "Out of Orleans" could definitely use some editing (I'm sure you know that already); mainly problems with punctuation. Also, reading about the sixties in the present tense narrated with modern day slang comes off a bit choppy. The slang problem seems to correct itself by chapter three. Nonetheless, your style draws comparisons to Hubert Selby's and if you haven't read him, definitely check him out- you would enjoy it, I think. Anyways, great read. Keep up the good work!
All the best,
Doug Thurston
VOODOO INFERNO

Thanks you so much for your support, it means the world to me! 1 Love~

Great Story Brother, I put it on my bookshelf so I can reread it in the future! Great job!