The Haven

Hello Vanessa. I had a look at your first chapter and I think this holds tons of promise. I’ve outlined some nitpicks below, but they’re just that, nitpicks and nothing major, and in the end just my opinion. I’m happy to back your book and hope you achieve your goal of becoming a full time writer. Best of luck.

It was difficult sneaking out of her bedroom window, (particularly when Meg) was on the second floor. This sounds as if Meg’s been built into the second floor, when it’s the room you’re talking about. Suggest: It was difficult sneaking out of her bedroom window, particularly when it was on the second floor.
It was four metres (tall) at the most… suggest replacing the bracketed word with “long”.
Today however (Meg looked round and) didn’t feel safe at all… This is a bit clunky, the bracketed words mar the flow of the sentence. It’s inferred by she would look round, you don’t need to describe your character’s every action. Suggest: Today, however, didn’t feel safe at all.
(T)wilight zone. No need to capitalise the T. I think you might be thinking of the TV series or the books.
A flock of ravens (then) scattered from the …. Don’t need the bracketed word, the sentence has more immediacy without it.
Descriptions: The descriptions are tight focused and evocative, for example: Then the sky opened and thick sheets of rain came crashing down – beautifully done.
Her eyes settled on a sign just a few feet away. What kind of sign? It sounds as if someone’s randomly put up a sign containing headlines. Perhaps: Her eyes settled on a billboard outside the newsagents… something like that.
Description: Her breathing grew light and shallow… wonderful illustration of your MC’S fear, I felt it.
But then a flash of lighting showed him looking straight at her. The drama of this heightens the tensions wonderfully.
Repetition: Meg (had) known about his surly reputation, but (had) walked right over to him… Beware the word “had”. It isn’t always necessary to use it to indicate a past event. Once you do start using it, it seems to repeat itself over and over. Suggest: Meg knew about his surly reputation, but walked right over to him…

Hi Vanessa, Very tense writing. The reader will sympathise with Meg with her drunken mother, and applaude her courage. It's well written in an easy to read style. The menace is subtle and all the more powerful for that reason.

I'd advise you to get an original cover for your book to make it stand out from the crowd.

On my WL.

Best wishes, Joanna

Very well written...I can't improve on what's been said already so good luck!
Best wishes
Stewart

Gripping and engaging. A powerfully dramatic fantasy. Plausable characters. Excellent character development. Fractured relationships. Great blend of action, dialogue and narrative. Awesome plot. Thorough world building. Impressive writing. A riveting read. Backed.

oh, life in a village, a haven for dark forces and secrets, your story flows very well with plenty of visuals to paint the locale and character deails tthat make them believable and people you want to walk with through this adventure.

You certainly have the skill to write, Vanessa, and I admire your committment to get published. I agree with Duncan Watt that the story would appeal to a wider audience than just young adults. Please can we read more?
David Hough
Gallows on Warlock Hill

Hi Vanessa ...

This is another YA that I have picked up on here and find it should be aimed at a wider audience. You have a good solid story and strong characters backed up by what appears to be a strong plot. Unfortunately I do not feel there is enough uploaded to judge better, but I like what you have so far. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

Interesting and different version of the vampire genre. It's vividly written and you have given it a dark and mysterious feel, important for a vampire story in my opinion. I'd read on! Really nice job with this!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

So far just the little blurb that I saw I would love to read more, it sounds very interesting. Backed and on my shelf. Please take a look at mine. Blood Bonds: The Ties That Bind
Thanks.

Dear Vanessa,
Your portrait of this dysfunctional family is relentless and perfectly crafted. What a wonderful opening chapter!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

I really like the premise and enjoyed the first chapter a lot. You write well and vividly and I love the way you began the chapter with her sneaking out of her bedroom window and her mom yelling at her. This is a great start and if it says anything about the rest of the book then you should have a good read on your hands here. Have a great day!

- Scott Toney, The Ark of Humanity

Very mysterious beginning. Well written. Backed.

Like Andrew below, I'm an English teacher and I agree with him - I'd love to use this in my classroom. On my shelf.
Joanna
Fossil Farm

good opening. And followed by some excellent scene setting and character sketching.

As a teacher of English I would have loved to have something of this quality in my classroom.

BACKED

Vanessa

I love this work. Flawless for one and oh! so vivd. You evoke much feelings for the MC meg with your talented writing skills.
Sure to climb.

Best
The Mind setter

I think this is perfect for the genre in which you have written. Meg's life is portrayed as dark, miserable and sad and so you can understand her need to get away and even though it happens in the first chapter, you fully appreciate Gareth's words and sentiments. Reading the pitch (which is also very well written), I am reeling from the shock that Gareth will die and how that will affect your heroine.
Kendall Craig, 'The Halo (of Delight).'

The Haven pulls off what many strive for, but just barely miss ... the great atmosphere of 'being there'. Backed.

interesting beginning. i would love to see where this goes.

me

Dear Vanessa

IIt is so good to see that your book was well received. I have already commented and backed your book, and as at times the backing have not shown, i will back your again, just to MAKE SURE.
I do wish you the very best with your writing

Denise
The Letter

You are totally fantastic, Vanessa! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoir book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

I'm invested and anxious to find out what happens next. You leave so many crumb-laced trails for me to follow, and I'm devoted to reaching the end of each. Kudos.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

Thanks so much, I didn't want to make everything obvious from the outset; I wanted to keep people dangling! Thank you for you comment.

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Meg. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Building into a suspenseful and engaging tale, with plenty of hints of dark things to come to keep the reader hooked. Dialogue is a strength.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

I'm invested and anxious to find out what happens next. You leave so many crumb-laced trails for me to follow, and I'm devoted to reaching the end of each. Kudos.

Memphisgirl
Ashes By Now

Hi Vanessa. Most enjoyable. Well done.
I'm sorry I only had time to read one chapter starting with Meg's escape out of the window from her drunken mum.
You tell us Meg hated her -- I'd have preferred that to have been shown to me by some comment or thought of Meg's .
The story really picks up pace once the dialogue starts between Meg and Gareth. Her mother's vicious attack after being told the truth and what the kids at school call her is very well done, and I liked Gareth's defense of his girl. Great final sentence leads us nicely into the next chapter.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

The Haven

Vanessa Bootle

This seems like a lovely match for your target readership. You have a way with words which is interesting. Glad to have given it a spin on my shelf and all the best with it.

Wow! this is an exciting start. Any young adult reader would be gripped immediately and simply keep reading, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

I love your pitch. Very dynamic as is your writing style. Happy to back. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

I've been looking for more stories like this on Authonomy. Glad to see this upload--and better yet, something that is well written. Meg is a sympathetic character and strong--something who is spurred to action. Clearly you know what you are doing, and I think the YA audience will love this!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Lovin' your book. You've a good consistent style. Have already backed it (I think)..folks have told me that my backings haven't registered...soooooo backing yours again, just to make sure).

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Young adults are going to devour this novel. Well written and full of imagination. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Dear Vanessa, I love that I'm not Meg with all of those problems :) - one more thing to be thankful for :) even though I'm ill. Great write. :) Your pitch drew me in & your tight dialogue & paragraphs made for a good read. :) I've backed your book :) - I would be so happy if you'd take a moment to back my book. :) Thank you so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Vanessa,
From reading the synopsis to The Haven, I can see you've written a harrowing and riveting account. I look forward to seeing the complete work. Backed with enthusiasm.

Dear Vanessa


I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art
of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)


Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Wow! Great opening chapter, with the introduction of two loveable characters, and a spiteful alcoholic mother. Good recipe for tension throughout, and you've hinted at further supernatural experiences. Nice tease that's sure to drag the reader along.

Good dialogue and narration throughout. You've got a few typos, but overall this is a sound and entertaining book. Well done! Backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

:) comment to follow - read & backed an hour later :)