The Santa Files, Book One, The Tale of Dash

An endearing story to suit all ages the satirical humour lurks on every page. Santa has a dilemma and he must sort it out or tradition will hiccup. Can modern ideas work better than traditional ones? I love the names you give the elves this is a great bedtime read for the little ones.

Regards Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – please take a moment to take a look.

Linda,

I'm a sucker for a good Santa story, so from the top you had my vote. There is a lot of charm here and that is what really works in this story. Couple of things you might consider should you do future editing....to start, you might want to find a way to draw the reader into this a bit sooner. Chapter 1 does a wonderful job at setting up your characters and allowing us to see that Santa has a big decision to make...but...we don't sense the real drama behind Santa's choice. Yes, Dash is an outsider and that's always an issue, but it's a bit tame when it comes to drawing the reader in.

Along these same lines, you might consider letting us know about Santa's problem in the very first paragraph. This is just a suggestion and by no means a must, but as it reads now we go through several pages of character intros and chit-chat before we sense that there will be any drama here at all. What you don't want to do is lose the reader before they have found something that makes them want to read on.

Lastly, look at the "had" issue in the 8th paragraph. You could throw out two of the "hads" and still have a sound sentence. Instead of, "(His mother, who had had a great interest in foreign lands, had spent many a tedious hour.....)" This could read, "(His mother, who had a great interest in foreign lands, spent many a tedious hour....)" It's a small detail, but it's one of those areas that could improve the flow of any read.

I'm happy to back this one!

Lockjaw

Hi Linda,
This is a very clever and amusing book. And as you say, it should work for all ages--a straight-forward story about the fear of getting no presents for the little ones, and a satire on social and business practices for their parents. I like the way you gave the elves descriptive names--helped me picture and remember them. Heartily backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Great for young adults, good dialogue that moves the plot along, satir on the working world for older ones. Enjoyed and backed Jaye Hill, the Fantasy Trip and Runa Seven

Great story idea and you've started it really well. I can see it becoming a regular. Hope you get it published. Backed.

What an absolutely charming book, everybody should read this, not just the children. Great Stuff Linda.
Backed all the way.
Sorry to be late commenting, pressure of work and no sleep?
Norman.

A great tale for young and old alike. Dash sounds to have landed himself a good job but he needs some training. Sorry it isn't complete but I enjoyed your easily flowing narrative. Backed. Anne

Dear Linda,
I like your retired elves club! Your use of dialog is perfect. It moves the story forward in an expert way. Your cover art is very eyecatching too! Just great.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

A very definite and different view on the whole grotto idea. There is a lot here for the comedy fan to enjoy; and you certainly don't condescend to your proposed YA audience. One thought would be to expand it to a universal audience (some of the conceptual ideas are best understood by those with real experience of work). A great read overall. Lots of names to cope with but those invested would not mind.

BACKED

HI LINDA ' THE SANTA FILES'

YES LINDA this is great stuff. for young and not so young, you create the world of make belief right from the first line with santa and curly beard, i love it , great escapeism away from al the serious stuff for a change.
backed with pleasure
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Yes, the good ol' days when "toys were made out of wood, children were grateful for anything they got." Sigh . . . I watched a YouTube video recently of two American kids opening presents on Christmas 2009. They had about twenty huge packages each. They proceeded to rip them open and threw each new gift on the ground with the discarded wrapping as they proceeded to the next package. It seemed so pointless and meaningless. About as meaningless as my watching the video. Ah the ol' days. So, when is Santa going to make the move to Finland. The Finns have been promoting their country as the actual home of Santa for decades, and with Global Warming, the North Pole is getting more and more precarious. I enjoyed the fear of "the other" that you use in this story with Dash. "I suppose it's too late to send him back?" It has hints of "illegal immigrant" stamped all over it. "I will definitely choose a North Pole elf - one of you - and this outside promotion won't be happening again." Brilliant. I'll be back to read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

Very good children's book. Backed. Liked the style.

This is a glorious childrens book and it deserves to do very well. My children would have loved it and more importantly, I would have enjoyed reading it with them. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

A Santa's workshop with corporate attitude - what a winner! It takes a humongous imagination to create such wholesome entertainment. Loved it!

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Dear Linda


I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art
of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)


Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

This is adorable and you are right - perfect for all ages. Well written and backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Dear Linda, I love your delightful Christmas story at Santa's village with your toy-maker foreman :) - what a creative mind you have to bring this all to life. :) Your pitch enticed me to read your fun story & your crisp dialogue & paragraphs moved your story quickly for a wonderful read! :) What a pleasureful adventure :) Hope you'll write many more books. :) I've backed your book :) - hope you'll back my memoir book. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
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Great tale. Certain words (you did say this was for children of all ages), such as" soliloguy, perpendicular, stanch, implications, telesales . . . I can imagine a young one shouting," What's that? What's that mean, Mom?" It's a clever story, but there's a fine line not writing down to children, and writing over their heads.

As an adult, I'm enjoying the heck out of it!
As a critic, simplify the speech just a tad.

Just my humble opinion. Backed and beautifully done.

Suz

Dear Linda

reading at present , comment to follow

Denise
The Letter

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 2 hrs later :)

This is brilliantly funny! The old image of Santa Claus re-invented (and the old chap was in need of a make-over, let's be honest!). Looking forward to this one.

Backed with pleasure.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

Hello Linda.
This is a lovely book. I read through it, I can see it would be just right for 5 to 9 year olds [to be read to , or to read themselves]. It will hold there attentions and is fast paced [both v. imp].
I You make it up to date [tele-sales], and you create lovely characters [Elves - Green Ears], Raindeer [Dash].
Backed with pleasure.

I would really appreciate if you could have a look at my short childrens' book called Adventures of the Paperbats, which is for the same audience!

All the best. Jerry [paperbat]

Hi Linda,
I liked chapter one, having been attracted to your work by your excellent pitch, which I suggest you break into separate sections for easier reading online.
I enjoyed your descriptions of the ancient elves at the REC and the grizzly pixie Green Ears.
A foreigner!
Gullible Santa's dilemma over the new foreman and the discussion of tele-sales, weapons and Etch-a-sketch were hilarious. Well done.
I look forward to meeting Dash.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Very cute and funny. Children will adore this book and I wish you well. Eunice - The Temple Dancer and Thomas Fairchild books. (Self published).

Something I enjoyed, wish I had more time to read on..
Interesting, well told piece of wordsmithing. Great narration, fast pace and realistic dialogue. You’ve got my vote.
Dan

This book is exciting, funny and clever, a can't put down, laugh out loud reading experience.