Book Jacket

 

rank 4735
word count 10791
date submitted 02.09.2010
date updated 12.10.2010
genres: Literary Fiction, Christian, Religi...
classification: universal
incomplete

Three Red Seeds

E Maclean

Jade StJohn's "to do" list: terminate pregnancy and save billion dollar mining project, or should that be save the pregnancy and terminate the mining project?

 

Three Red Seeds immerses readers in the red dust of remote outback Western Australia and the 40,000 year old indigenous culture as they follow protagonist Jade St John for one hectic week.


Jade is a white woman equipped with the insensitivity and professional savvy necessary to do a tough job in the mining industry but this week’s challenges push her beyond the limits of physical and emotional endurance.


Using an ancient Australian bush remedy to bring on miscarriage Jade swallows three red seeds before enduring a six day wait for them to take effect. Through a series of events her dogged determination to end the unwanted pregnancy begins to wane. Anxiety and tension rise as Jade reassesses her life plan.


The manuscript explores issues surrounding career versus motherhood common to working women across the globe. What makes this narrative unique is the key role Australian indigenous elders play in influencing the tertiary educated white woman’s opinions. Throughout the week they impart their wisdom by stealthily orchestrating situations for Jade to learn important life lessons.


Use of close third POV keeps protagonist and reader guessing to the very last paragraph.

 
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tags

, aboriginal, career women, indigenous, mining, motherhood, pregnancy

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Chapters

1

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Day one, afternoon

 

Jade compresses her lips in an effort to maintain the stealthy silence. Pressure builds inside her flushed cheeks but the tickle in her throat refuses to subside. The inevitable exhalation escapes as a sharp cough. The sound echoes over ancient boulders lining the red walls of the almost dry creek bed. Her body hardens as though staying still will somehow make it invisible. By design her safety-orange work shirt makes camouflage impossible; although almost every other hue of orange is rusted onto the outback landscape looming around her. Jade’s only desire at this moment is to evade detection. She has come too far in her plan to be exposed now.

    Under an arch of blue sky a jam tin sits nestled in the dirt. Corroded with age it is well concealed against the trunk of an old salmon gum. The irony is not lost on Jade who nudges it with her dusty work boot, too anxious to dare peer inside. She has done well to hide it from the steely eyes of the elders. It was ingenious to use the innocuous looking vessel. Even if a passer-by saw it they would probably mistake it for rubbish. 

For the next few minutes this jam tin is Jade’s most precious possession -- its content holds the power to change her future. Jade would describe the situation from a different perspective: She would tell you this mission as an effort to put her life back on track, restore it back to how her life should be, revert back to her plan, it is after all her future.

This dalliance will only increase the likelihood of getting caught. Procrastination is foreign to Jade but at this juncture it seems right; her usually determined hand reaches slowly providing one last chance for the mind to reconsider.

The water is flecked with glossy red seeds the size of a thumbnail – but their pointed ends differ from the blunt chewed stubs now grasping the tin. She has taken up nail biting as an outlet for the nervous tension pulsating at the forefront of her thoughts every moment for the past six weeks. 

Dipping her fingertips in the warm water fails to register on her pale skin. Floating seeds brush past her hand as she tries to skim them from the surface.  They seem determined to avoid capture. One by one she flicks these rejects down onto the ground with increasing agitation.

Now with the last of the junk gone her hand hovers just above the water’s surface; rhythmic dripping from the index finger causes it to ripple. Staring hard she wills the water to reveal the treasure hidden below but the unsteady hand causes more disturbance. The water refuses to cooperate and instead offers up an unflattering quivering reflection of two blue eyes in deep concentration; the stern face of a fair white woman framed by strands of fine blonde hair, worked free from a severe ponytail tied at daybreak; and along her neck a vein pulsating with agitation.

The ball of anxious heat in her chest dissolves a moment later when the water clears to reveal more seeds settled in a neat row on the tin’s bottom. The tight mouth in the reflection gives way to a broad smile of uniform white teeth. If three seeds had not sunk she would have had to repeat the smoking and soaking process again tomorrow in order to gather a sufficient dose of this special bush medicine.

Cupping her upturned hand to serve as a sieve she pours a narrow stream of water. Falling to the ground it darkens a perfect circle of orange dirt to chocolate brown before being sucked into the earth’s parched depths. Six plump red seeds rest cool against her palm, their smooth outer layer glistens in the fading yellow light.

Discarding the two smallest seeds she grind them into oblivion under her rubber soled work boot. She does not want to leave evidence lying around. 

A glance over her shoulder confirms she is alone to propel three of the remaining choice seeds into her greedy mouth.

There is no reason to hesitate. During the past two weeks every waking moment has been consumed by the desire to reach this place, this precise point in time.

One deliberate swallow whisks Jade closer to achieving the goal.

Wallowing in the tremendous sense of satisfaction her chest swells with a deep inhalation of warm dry air so pure it is bereft of scent. Across her back the swathe of orange fabric striped with high visibility tape billows like a sail caught by a freak gust of wind. The following audible exhalation brings a sense of peace. Muscles running down her neck, across her shoulders and length spine relax for the first time in weeks leaving her lighter, taller.

Finally, a moment free of the gnawing heaviness and dread.

Pressing the last seed deep inside the cotton lining of her trouser pocket, a steady rhythmic pat confirms its presence with a sharp prick into the thigh muscle. The involuntary nod is familiar to her, it comes from the pride of completing an important task – it has been a long time between nods and Jade has been looking forward to this moment as a new start. 

From this point onward she has vowed make better decisions; to take back control of her life and never surrender it again to any man.

Retracing my footprints back towards the campfire she is conscious of the amount of time she has been absent from the group but pauses to soak in the view, never tiring of the meandering orange-red dirt stretching to the horizon. She allows her heels to rest heavy onto the earth’s surface, resisting the urge to hurry on. The first evening star appears, hovering above the clump of spinifex directly ahead, both bodies motionless. A smudge of moon sits to their left. She appreciates the stillness of the scenery; it is a landscape at rest.

Now conscious of staring her shoulders roll inward. A body recoils at the mind’s accusation of voyeurism. This place does not belong to her. She is an outsider. There are people who would regard a white woman’s presence here as an unwelcome intrusion onto their country. Panic rises in her chest as though she has been caught peering through someone’s window as they ready for bed. Not wanting to invade the privacy of the sacred place she closes her eyes allowing her mind to record the static image, storing it for retrieval later at her leisure.

Her mind conjures up the face of a man beside the spinifex. It is her husband, Leon. She fights against his presence invading her thoughts now. It is too late to factor Leon into her decision. Now he will never need to know.    

Opening her eyes catapults Jade back to the present. The view is as it would have been in this place every dusk since the creation of light. Tranquil silence accompanies the immobile terrain. She imagines the silence extending to envelop the entire expanse of orange desert laid out in every direction around her. The still air does not register its presence on her skin. If not for the discomfort caused by her bra being done up one hook too tight she could not be sure time and space is moving at all.

She will be comfortable again soon enough. The red seeds have provided relief for her mind and in the next few days her body will return to its usual proportions.

Raucous women’s laughter permeates her quiet space. Jade’s hands form tight capsules, her nails press deep into the soft palm flesh leaving a row of crescent indentations. She does not begrudge the owners of the howls and throaty laughter the jolting incursion; without them she would have no reason, or opportunity, to be here. Of course NiCorp, the mining conglomerate who employs her, has a stake in her presence too. Without both parties she would be elsewhere feeling trapped in a body betraying her and tormented by a mind unable to accept the changes.

Squeezing water from the cuff of her crumpled orange shirt sleeve Jade resumes her place at the fireside. Only this close can the occasional dull crackle of the fire be detected along with its partner, the familiar stinging smoke which will come to ingrain itself in her hair and clothing over the coming week of outdoor living.

The remnant heat of the day catches the back of Jade’s throat; the energy exerted to scale the sheer bank up from the creek bed and the small ridge lying between the creek and camp causes a burning thirst. Or perhaps it is a side effect of the seeds. Her mind races with possibilities. She had assumed there would be no discernable reaction for six days.

The elderly aboriginal woman who imparted the knowledge about the seeds’ powerful remedy had only done so in passing, to fill the awkward silence as they walked. The woman had been imprecise saying, “Them seeds take not even a week to work.” Jade had not asked any questions at the time. She had not had any questions or thought for a moment the information would ever be relevant or useful to her. She had simply nodded with polite interest, a technique picked up from years spent working with journalists and one she often used to put a stakeholder at ease and encourage them to continue on talking. She had watched policemen using the method during questioning to get clients to reveal too much, but that was back in her lawyer days and she had done her best to stop them speaking.

Rejoining the informal circle of indigenous women Jade reclines on her swag. She must compose herself. She cannot allow her personal situation to distract her from work responsibilities. Jade collected these five women and one child early this morning. They are enroute to an Indigenous Heritage Survey (NiCorp need the traditional land owners’ permission before they can proceed with mining) and although they have travelled all day through the desert their final destination is still four hundred kilometres to the south of where they are camping tonight.

Leaning on one elbow Jade absently sips water from her refilled jam tin. A practiced calm demeanour is effective at hiding the tension coursing through her mind, any sense of respite now over.

Jade’s constant companion is worry and she can feel its shadowy presence has followed her back from the creek. Terror surges from deep within her chest, reaching the surface as a heartbeat audible in her ears. The steady heat building throughout her body is likely to cause the cheeks of her freckled complexion to redden.

Jade repositions herself with her back to the fast setting sun; sure the deep shadows will provide sufficient concealment. If only there was a bush medicine cure for the worry that kneads at her brain throughout every day and refuses to allow her proper restful sleep at night.

In Jade’s absence the old women have been busy preparing a meal on the campfire. The Johnny cakes are ready. Graciously accepting her portion Jade hopes the heavy dough will fill the chasm in her gut. She absently taps the blackened surface with her knuckle; the hollow hum indicates it has been adequately cooked. Jade passes on a wad of spongy kangaroo liver to the woman beside her, still complete. The last thing she needs out here this week is food poisoning. She wants to be able to identify and monitor changes in her body caused by the seeds without any confusion or uncertainty.

Giddy with questions about what she can expect over the coming days Jade considers raising the topic of bush medicine but knows it would only rouse their suspicion. These women did not reach their esteemed positions of authority by being dim minded. Going undetected this week will require complete secrecy and stealth. 

Jade absently turns the Johnny cake over and over in her sooty fingers until it is sufficiently cool to eat. The grey crust has absorbed the offensive stinging stench of campfire smoke, converting it into an earthy flavour. Each bite sits as a dry lump at the back of her mouth until she swallows it down with the help of more water.

The women busy themselves with eating. Inside her silent ponderings Jade discovers herself feeling vulnerable, trapped, but unable to do or say anything to alleviate her new and steadily strengthening worry. For the first time in her many years of gypsy wandering she feels alone, in need of support of a female friend, someone who would share and understand her secret.

Throughout years of marching determinedly up the ranks, the hoards of men and a few women she encountered, and passed, up the hierarchy have routinely marvelled at her ability to always put business first. Colleagues admire her apparent ease at taking on the physically burly and professional savvy men in the mining industry; men reputed to be the toughest and most hardened of the species.

Retreating to familiar territory she switches into crisis management mode. Meticulously working through her current predicament she knows, above all, the situation calls for outward calm. A further measure will be to separate herself from the other women at night to avoid detection. That way whatever happens she will have time to manage it privately. If things turn out worse than expected and she needs help, it will only ever be one loud shout across the expanse of desert away. And if things go really wrong the Flying Doctor can be reached by satellite phone. If she turns out to have accidentally poisoned herself any experienced nurse should find the remaining seed in her pants pocket. Even if they can’t identify it or provide an antidote the Coroner would provide a report with the details. She laughs aloud realising the most likely conclusion would be that the reckless white woman had eaten the seeds, mistaking them for food. Jade grunts at the ignorance of white men.

“Sorry, I was just thinking of something funny Pete said the other day,” Jade says, feeling the weight of all twelve eyes cast in her direction.

Now with a strategy for managing the worst case scenario Jade reassures herself everything will be OK. In her mind she has always skipped forward from swallowing the three red seeds to one week later when she is fine, her problem effectively dealt with. She was deliberate to never venture into the precise logistics of how she would come to reach her objective. Her career was in jeopardy and she had worked too hard and enjoyed too much success to risk it with one careless mistake, one chink in her otherwise faultless armour of responsibility.

Regaining confidence in her ability to manage the situation, Jade dares to think about how it might occur. Perhaps there will be a sudden gush, a piercing agonising pain and she will instantly know with all certainty it has happened, her desire achieved. Or perhaps it will be more subtle, with no obvious difference from the usual monthly process. Perhaps she will actually feel a pulling, a letting go, a release. Perhaps there will be a tearing when the parasite finally releases its grip on her insides. However it happens she knows, absolutely, that the event will be greeted with relief.

Rising to add a few sticks to the fire a stinging cramp flickers through Jade’s left hip. She immediately sits where she stands.

“You alright Jade?” asks Cecilia.

“Yeah, I’ve got pins and needles in my foot,” says Jade.

“You white women not used to sitting on the ground, hey?” Cecelia tosses her head in Jade’s direction, her eyebrows raised.

“I’ll be used to it just when it’s time I get home at the end of the week,” Jade tries to make light of the criticism.

“When you go home to your flash NiCorp house,” says Cecelia.

Jade refuses to be drawn in.

“Nah, she’s solid this one. She alright,” says Adele in Jade’s defence. The other women nod in agreement. Cecelia dismisses the white woman with a wave of her hand.  An argument would have livened up the evening and given Cecelia a new story to recall next time they passed through here. She winks and clicks her tongue in Jade’s direction.

Jade smiles knowing the old woman’s attempt at stirring up a confrontation was not malicious – the mining companies, and their employees, must be kept at arms length. An occasional conflict helps dampen personal relationships and prevents over familiarity developing. When Jade began her role in community relations she used to take offence but as she learned about the elders’ history with NiCorp their behaviour began to make sense. Every old person has a list of grievances and broken promises made by individuals supposedly representing the mining company. Over the decades items including cars and houses had been promised. Documents to permit mining had been signed. Resources had been dug from the ground. Employees conveniently moved on and the riches were never delivered. Jade is determined to do better.

Jade tries to slow her breath in an effort to rest the site of the sharp pain emanating from her left hip down into the top of her thigh. Anxiety rises in her belly. Her body hardens in anticipation of what is to come.

 

Chapters

1

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hikey wrote 608 days ago


Your very vivid writing creates an imagery that brings the Australian outback to life. With a strong credible voice and observation of the most ordinary events I could visualise everything and was totally engrossed.

The strength and power of the writing is in the sensitive way you handle important issues brought up by the story.

Jane

yasmin esack wrote 605 days ago

Brilliant and intriguing. Your setting is incredibly visual and your writing style engrosses the reader.

Love it!

Best

andrew skaife wrote 607 days ago

The phenomena of chick lit is becoming challenging and this addition is set to be a strong challenger on that scale. This ticks every box for the genre.

BACKED

ATrueCritic wrote 447 days ago

Your first paragraph needs work. I didn't read past the first paragraph because neither would any potential customer if thing showed up on the shelves of a bookstore. It sounds like your trying to hard to use unique words and alliteration. And very few times is a person moved by the way an author talks about his or her character's breath. I would suggest aiming the first paragraph more at how she feels then how she's breathing.

Also in the fifth sentence you use the word "it" and I'm not quite sure what you are referring to, is your character? In which case you should say “she.” Or the cough? In which case, you should probably be aware that a cough typically comes invisible.

When the first paragraph convinces me that the rest of the book is worth reading, as is its very purpose, I will continue and adjust your rating appropriately.

HECROW55 wrote 575 days ago

Couldn't help but take a look at your work after reading your message to the author of spiritual warfare.
I back your book
Would you please consider taking a look at my manuscript 'Thy Wondrous Works Vol One The Law of Moses Fulfilled' and give me feedback.

Thanks
Harold

SandiTrue wrote 577 days ago

Dear E,
The emotional roller coaster that Jade finds herself on is clearly felt in the wording. I found myself bringing up my own shoulders and feeling anxious in response. I love the opening with the description of Jade fishing the seeds from the tin, but I would like to know a little more about what brought her to this point. I feel like the most recent events regarding the pregnancy will be revealed further in the story, but is there something in her past that brought her to her current state of aloneness?

I look forward to discovering more.
Sandi

Elijah Enyereibe Iwuji wrote 579 days ago

Dear,

Brilliant, intriguing and fabulous tale. Read only two chapters, very fascinating and vividly flows. You are actually a gifted and masterful writer. Your characters are visual as you paint them, with authentic and original voice. Will continue. Goodluck.

Elijah E. Yamslaw (Victims of African Wealth)

Andy M. Potter wrote 580 days ago

E, wonderfully evocative depiction. we instantly get into J's body and mind, and see valuable insights into her world. you tell us what we need to know and no more.
on my shelf.
no picky quibbles.
best, andy

A. Zoomer wrote 582 days ago

THREE RED SEEDS

Dear 3 Red Seeds,
The premise of the story is fabulous and you unfold it masterfully (mistressly?)
The timing for your protagonist is crucial and you begin with the tension of will she choke?
Your writing is fluid and purposeful. The characters and setting enchanting. I don't read this as chick lit. I read it as literature.
Backed with enthusiasm.
A Zoomer

Wadim wrote 587 days ago

Hi E,
Sorry about the delay. Finally, here are my comments.
You left me wanting to read more. Only four chapters: I want to know what happens next!
I have lived in Australia and indirectly have some knowledge of the Native Title and related issues you incorporate in the book. You describe the harsh Australian outback vividly and you also provide useful background about the issues between the mining companies and the indigenous owners without going into the ins and outs of the situation arising from the Mabo and Wik decisions. It might be too simplistic for some readers, especially Australian readers with more background, but the average reader doesn’t need every detail.
You also communicate strongly the connection the indigenous people have with the land and how they pass on knowledge of their country and their stories to each other and to younger generations. But also how fragile that connection can be: how the companies can use this fragility to diminish the argued continuation and strength of a connection to a particular area (a particular country from the indigenous peoples’ perspective). You also present the English as spoken by the indigenous people really well: I can hear the women elders having a yarn around the fire.
Jade herself is perhaps still a bit distant. Perhaps to some extent she has to be. She is sort of distant from herself in some senses and this threat to her career ambitions suddenly throws a new light on her life, her priorities and how she relates to people.
We know what she thinks now, but not so much how she came to think this way. As a reader I was curious as to what drew her towards the “bush remedy”. Given her legal background and presumably her means, she would know full well what other modern alternatives there are (ie. legally and medically, although perhaps not necessarily morally). And she would be fully aware of the risks she runs with this approach. She fears discovery more than anything else. Dismissing possible adverse physical side-effect as easily resolved by a call to the Flying Doctor Service and passed off as accidental food poisoning. Unfortunately it may not be so simply so quickly resolved if things suddenly take a turn for the worst: she risks serious physical illness and possibly death. Time is of the essence and she wants no one to know. So her options are limited. But perhaps later chapters will give us more insight on Jade’s motivations for such an alternative approach and the self-imposed time frame within which to conclude this plan.
Powerful writing, and as you will have seen from the feed, I’ve already backed you. Look forward to reading more.
Wadim

nsllee wrote 590 days ago

Hi E

Great title and lovely visual writing style, so physical and in the moment. There's a real sense of place and you make your MC's predicament very present for the reader. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

GK Stritch wrote 591 days ago

Ah, jaded Jade the white woman and Three Red Seeds. Good work, E Maclean, crisp and clean.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

John Warren-Anderson wrote 591 days ago

Chapter 1 is both literate and vivid. It pulls us into Jade's mind and into her situation. An unusual and well crafted story but I think a couple of tweaks will improve it. Avoid starting sentences with words ending with ing. It weakens the statement.
I think you need to being in the smells and the feeling of the outback. The oven-like heat, the smell of the baked ground, flies. You know the place, as do I, but others don't, and you need to show them. But don't go overboard with description, just a couple of lines dropped into the narrative should do it.
Good luck with it.

Walden Carrington wrote 591 days ago

I love the narrative style of Three Red Seeds. Your descriptions paint such vivid images throughout this compelling narrative. Backed with pleasure.

vessels wrote 593 days ago

You're a gifted writer, E., whatever that's short for. I keep expecting to read a full book here and sometimes only portions are uploaded, but what I read, I really enjoyed, because your writing is so fluid. I'd start the book at paragraph two -- we (or at least I do sometimes) waste an incredible amount of time on opening paragraphs, sometimes to realize later we don't need them, and maybe you disagree, but to me, the book should just start

Under a blue arch of sky a jam tin sits nestled in the dirt. (and then carry on with the rest of paragraph 2), but those opening words pretty much sum up Jade's life just then.
Backed.
God bless you,
Katherine
of vessels

Marsi wrote 594 days ago

Many thanks for the backing. Red Seeds on my WL. Will get back. Haven't time to do more than read the blurb but the Australian setting and the concept bode well. Back soon.

Telegraph wrote 595 days ago

A intriguing read. Charcter and scenes seem as if you could step into them. C W

Terry Murphy wrote 596 days ago

Good to see a story with such a strong, capable and credible female MC having to cope in such traumatic circumstances. Very well handled. And all crafted vividly in such an atmospheric wilderness of a background. Not my usual read, or pace, but the writing carries the story.

Terry

Caroline Hartman wrote 597 days ago

E Maclean,
I believe you may be a master. Your descriptions bring to life the rugged terrain, the ancient culture and lore. Jade seems very real and I'm in her mind easily. You foreshadow well and create just the right amount of tension. Jade is at a crossroads in her career and life, a crossroad many, many women throughout time have met. Best of luck.
Caroline

mariahj24 wrote 597 days ago

This book paints a very colorful picture in the mind. It gives the reader a sense of accomplishment. Very well crafted, nice work. Backed, Mariah

Sly80 wrote 600 days ago

The description of Jade's thoughts, emotions and actions are almost surgically inscribed onto the page, 'confirms its presence with a sharp prick into the thigh muscle', 'Jade's hands form tight capsules', 'Perhaps she will actually feel a pulling, a letting go, a release'.

Jade and nature are one and the same in this story, as if her contact with the mines and with the indigenous people have somehow planted her deeply into the ground, and what is growing in her is a solid as her own roots no matter how she wishes it gone. The women mark out their stories in the dust, and erase, and mark anew - somehow less ephemeral than the message conveyed by the satellite phone.

It's a strange, mesmerising combination of clear-eyed observations and the mystery that is the interface between the outback and its people: 'a smudge of moon sits to their left', 'flickering smears their individual facial features', 'traversed it on foot for the past forty-thousand-years'. This is extraordinary in premise and in execution. A quandary that we can all identify with, played out on a canvass unchanged for millennia. It's a story that could only exist in Australia ... I would buy it in an instant.

Possible nits: 'tell you this mission as [was] an effort'. 'she grind[s] them'. 'retracing my [her] footsteps'. 'crumpled orange shirt sleeve', perhaps omit 'orange' here. 'provide an antidote ... provide a report', maybe an alternative for one 'provide? 'a release ... releases its grip'.

(BTW if you look at my novel, the least swearing and most religion (not a lot) is in chapter 5.)

SPW wrote 601 days ago

Not my usual read, but it is well written, good pace and your descriptions are quite vivid.
You have taken a sensitive subject and approached it with care and feeling.
I will keep my eye on this and wish you the best of luck.
Backed.

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Ron. D. Geysser wrote 604 days ago

Just keep on!

yasmin esack wrote 605 days ago

Brilliant and intriguing. Your setting is incredibly visual and your writing style engrosses the reader.

Love it!

Best

J.S.Watts wrote 606 days ago

Not totally my cup of tea, but what I dipped into was nicely written overall and the prose flows nicely. You might want to take a look at the opening again. It may be me (it probably is) but I started off by thinking she was lying down, flat out, hiding from the bad guys or something, just like they do in the movies and it took me a little while to reorientate around crouching down with a tin prior to eating something.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

Mitch Kelly wrote 607 days ago

Hi mate,

Finally got the time to read some of Three Red Seeds, and thought I'd give you some feedback.

Chap 1:
- 'different perspective: She' (she)
- 'reaches slowly providing' (slowly,)
- 'she grind them' (grinds)
- 'vowed make better' (to make)
- 'retracing my footprints' (her footprints?)
- 'her eyes allowing' (eyes,)
- For me there was no hook at the end to make me want to read more, but this may not be true for all - this is just definitely not my style of book. While I usually go for action, and if there is none in the beginning I lose interest, the plot is actually introduced and moved along early, which does make the reader interested.

Chap 2:
- Didn't like the repeat in the first paragraph of things from the first chapter... reclines on top of her swag.
- 'course hair it's' (hair,)
- 'night sky but Jade' (sky. Still, Jade)
- 'apple shaped' (apple-shaped)
- 'particular
interest lies' (particular interest lies)
- 'his grandchildren so these' (Something between grandchildren and so would split this up better.)
- Again there was no hook for me, but at lease things move along decently.

Chap 3:
- 'conversion the mindset' (to the)
- 'because
of a history' (because of a history)

Chap 4:
- 'Olive's eye grow wide' (eyes)
- 'baring the NiCorp logo' (bearing)
- 'if I can you it you can do it' (if I can do it)

Also, I think Rocky turned from a male in chapter two to a female in chapter three.

Overall it is well written, but certainly not my cup of tea... so it is difficult to comment on much else. Still, I think it could definitely do well for what I assume is your target audience.

Cheers,
Mitch

andrew skaife wrote 607 days ago

The phenomena of chick lit is becoming challenging and this addition is set to be a strong challenger on that scale. This ticks every box for the genre.

BACKED

KirkH wrote 608 days ago

chapter three.
Now I know what spinifex means - a type of Austrailian grass.

Found another broken paragraph..."The whole reason they need a heritage survey is because (here it broke) of a histoy of 'white man knows best' by companies like NiCorp.

Good ending with Olive falling,perhaps, into a creek bed.
The story and descriptions of the people and culture begin to fascinate me the more I read.


KirkH wrote 608 days ago

chapter two
Got confused with, "As each woman became satisfied hers was ready she began scratching, ..."

Should it not be, "Jade is indignant, her boss implied, she may have failed to complete her part of the plan in full." ??

Good description of the relationship between the Aboriginees, NiCorp and the Austrailian government.
These heritage surveys sound interesting.

Paragraph got cut off here, "Their aim is to garner the aboriginal elders' approval for the mine through confirmation of the anthropological reports that nothing of particular (paragraph cut) interest lies within the project's boundaries.

Thats a new word for me - camber.

Story looks good as the evening progresses.


Chapter three is next.

KirkH wrote 608 days ago

chapter one
This dalliance?
Retracing "my" footprints back towards the campfire...(should it not be "her" footprints?)
clump of spinifex? What's that?
I must say that if I didn't read the synopsis first, I would have been confused about the main character Jade, where she was, what she was doing and why.
I couldn't find any nit picks with the writing, (you can find much more with mine).
Just to say the description of the Austrailian outback, the creek the camp, the colors etc. soud real to me and it's easy to picture it. This is well-written.
Looking forward to reading chapter 2.
Kirk

hikey wrote 608 days ago


Your very vivid writing creates an imagery that brings the Australian outback to life. With a strong credible voice and observation of the most ordinary events I could visualise everything and was totally engrossed.

The strength and power of the writing is in the sensitive way you handle important issues brought up by the story.

Jane

Andrew Burans wrote 609 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Jade. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

happypetronella wrote 611 days ago

Nice writing, nice story, and I enjoyed reading it. Backed.

CarolinaAl wrote 615 days ago

A swirling story, richly imagined. Slick. Pacy. Great theme. Vivid, complex characters. Poignant emotions. Tense narrative. Very accomplished writing. A magnetic read. Backed.

Ariom Dahl wrote 615 days ago


This is sad and full of tension. I’m not sure it’s what I’d take from the library to read and I’m not sure about the logic of taking the seeds in the environment she’s in. I’m not very sympathetic towards Jade; the Flying Doctor might well be within reach but she is putting herself in a risky situation and she is foolish to imagine that in a week she will be fine. It’s not that easy.

Phyllis Burton wrote 617 days ago

Hello E.McClean, Three Red Seeds is an interesting, well written work. I read most of the four chapters that you have uploaded here. It is an unusual and held my interest.
I love the line 'She is struggling to contain a wide grin; a giggle escapes its confines, exploding into the air.' Good descriptive writing. Would have liked to have read more, but backed with pleasure. Good luck with this and I hope that you manage to sort out your SHELF PROBLEM. Thank you again for your comments. Did you read Chapter 31?

Phyllis
A PASSING STORM

JMCornwell wrote 617 days ago

It is interesting that you use three red seeds, probably pomegranate seeds from the picture, because it ties in with Persephone and Hades. Was that your initial inspiration?

JMC

Lynne wrote 618 days ago

This is a most unusual premise and one that has the reader in pins waiting for the outcome. As with some of your other reviewers, I am not normally a fan of writing in the present tense, but you carry it off well and it does nothing to mar the tension of the story. Be careful, though, about changing back to the first person, e.g. around paragraph 18 in the first chapter you say "Retracing my footsteps". Good luck and welcome to Authonomy. Backed, Lynne, Brooklyn Bridge.

Ann Mynard wrote 622 days ago

This is a good start in the present tense into an interesting story. I was surprised in the beginning of your 18th para: 'Retracing my footsteps...' It would appear that someone is watching this woman with an all seeing eye and with extraordinary knowledge of her difficult situation. Para 2 did not enlighten me as to the truth or not of what I gathered. Perhaps this is a crucial part of the story that we get to later? For now, I'll back this and wait for the rest.
Backed,
Ann Mynard (Windshadow)

Herschel Shirley wrote 623 days ago

I am not a fan of present tense work but this one is not bad. There is the occasional slip where you turn from third person to first person but editing will take care of that. Your descriptions are very good and you begin building the back story effectively in the first chapter. Not bad at all. Backed.

Jim Darcy wrote 623 days ago

Use of present tense can seem unusual and therefore difficult to accustom oneself to but peseverencepays off! the only thing I noticed was the use of 'I' every now and then which did not seem to make sense. Background and description come across as authentic however. My second Australian-based book today, I am learning loads about the place. :0

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 623 days ago

Dear E,
I think the content of your story is excellent. I only read the first chapter but hope to read the whole book because this is an important topic. I am very attracted to stories about women's issues. But I am a little off put by the use of present tense. For some reason, it seems contrived and difficult to read. I was very distracted by it. Maybe I'm the only one who is bothered by it, though, so please don't take my remarks too seriously.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

zan wrote 626 days ago

Three Red Seeds

E Maclean

You explore the highly relevant issues of unwanted pregnancies and abortion which is very worthwhile. I love your setting and the indigenous elders' input in the story appeals to me very much. Nice title too - and I think the "red" very symbolic. Jade of course is a complex character and I think you do a good job of characterising her. "Anxiety rises in her belly. Her body hardens in anticipation of what is to come." Knowing the plotline from your pitches, I understand her attitude. Good read so far and was happy to back you.

Jen Leeper wrote 627 days ago

E.,

First, I thank you for your constructive criticism of 'Padre'.

Writing comes very naturally to you. I can see that from the first paragraph of your manuscript. I read until I was interrupted by influences external to your story, so you have quite a grasp on the mechanics of a good book.

Best,
Jen

Three Red Seeds wrote 628 days ago

Dear E


I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter



I have seen you write this IDENTICAL comment elsewhere - even against non-fiction peices. I do not believe you have read my writing at all. Your comment is dishonest and has no value. What kind of person sets out to deceive and manipulate others in this way?

Tom Bye wrote 628 days ago

HI E MACLEAN ' THREE RED SEEDS'

turning out to be a very well though out literary read. premise is good. with plenty of atomsphere about
under the australian skys as they sit aroung the comp fire'
will read more.
backed
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Barry Wenlock wrote 629 days ago

Hi E,
You have made a strong start with this story of Jade's agonising dilemma. You deal with the POV very well. Well done. More please.
Backed with pleasure, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 629 days ago

What an original story! You have also used a setting unknown to most of your readers and this adds information and intrigue to the mix, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

name falied moderation wrote 629 days ago

Dear E


I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

lizjrnm wrote 629 days ago

This is my kind of read - I willcomment with more detail later but backed for now because Id buy this book.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

name falied moderation wrote 630 days ago

Dear E

reading at present , comment to follow

Denise
The Letter

fortyplus wrote 630 days ago

You have a plot that grabs the attention of all women... Backed w pleasure! Please check out 40...already??!! Angi

SusieGulick wrote 630 days ago

Dear Alice, I love your story of Austrailia & how you put me right there with your heroine to feel what she's feeling. :) - what a read. :) Your pitch made me read your book as it provided the setting & your tight dialogue & paragraphs gave me a nice read. :) My heart goes out to Jade & her plight. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

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