Nothing You Can Do

OMG! I love this. One initial complaint, though. Why do people always make the therapist a psychiatrist. I happen to be biased in favor of psychologists.

The style is so much fun. -- Yes, I mean fun. I laughed out loud at the line "That way he'll die in the hospital." I just love the snarkyness. (oops, I guess that's not a real word.) It reminds me of my big brother who is no longer with us, who could do things like refer to the woman he married as "my wife twice removed," i.e. first by divorce and then by death.

I found myself tickled in the beginning to identify with the therapist with her dying/dead practice -- like mine, though I have the impression hers related more to a decision than to the recession -- and the ridiculous whatever, panic? unconscious self-destruction? -- that led to her wearing her dress inside out. (I had a French teacher in college who did it deliberately -- wore the same dress every day until halfway through the semester when she decided it was getting dirty so she wore it inside out for the rest of the semester. Believe me, people got to her classes early so they could sit in the back.)

I love the academia stuff. I love the political stuff. I love (?) the hurt of being the poorly regarded youngest son. (not, by the way, the position I held in my family -- well, for at least one obvious reason.)

See what ypu've done? I'm having so much fun babbling.

I've got to go now, but first this gets a five-star rating and a place on my watch list. I'll be backing it ASAP, though I'm so enthusiastic about anything I do back that I hate to remove anyone to make room for yours. But it will happen, and I'll be back to read more.

Mona (Mrs. Job(

Geoff,
The attention to detail that some of your readers placed into their comments really puts me to shame, and I apologize for not having specific criticism. Well, I do have one very minor thing; I usually cringe when a character in a book is compared to a movie actor (Heath Ledger, in this case). Some writers use it as a shortcut to a description, but I guess here you have one character thinking about another.
I wrote to you a while back with my general impressions, that I loved your literary framework. I also wrote that your book made me smile a lot, despite the sad, sad events you were recounting. Well, I reread your chapters, and have to say I still think so. Am I crazy, or are some of your lines supposed to be funny? I mean, Helen with her inside out dress was the first clue that this was not going to be a typical Dad-is-dying story.
"Just before Dad died I could hardly find the strength to visit him." (I realize that on one level, this is deadly serious, but I had to laugh, realizing that it does take a LOT of energy to visit with a sick or dying relative, and that we rationalize or look for excuses not to.) I think I mentioned earlier the variations on "He's got cancer everywhere." What's funny isn't the fact that the father has cancer, but that his family (and most of us) use that line, even when it isn't literally true. My point is that you are doing what our best writers do: processing milestones that we all experience and creating art. Re-reading your pages enhances your story.
"Christ he looks like Elton John or some kind of optically challenged bush baby."
Someone here said she liked only the Helen and Sam chapters and did not care for your dialogue. Well, I must strongly disagree. It's brilliant, and the fact that you rarely use dialogue tags just shows your skill and confidence that the reader will get who's speaking. (I liked that whole exchange with the new glasses, among others.)
I know I'm over-stressing the humor, but I don't want potential readers to think that this is a depressing book. It is certainly poignant, and some of the Sam's lines, even some spoken casually, are heart-breaking. You put a spin on them that make them sound both unique and natural. Here is one I'm plucking at random:
"I'm really sorry, Dad. I respect that you want to be here alone without anyone but I can't sleep at night for worry. Please let me make sure you are looked after and safe."

This book needs to be published!!!

I awarded "Nothing You Can Do" 6 stars a while back, and am keeping it on my bookshelf indefinitely. I see that it is sinking slightly in the ranks, and I sincerely hope it climbs to the top. (My book reached 290 before plummeting to the 900's, but I don't care anymore; I just don't have the time or patience to knock on the doors of strangers.)

Anyway, best of luck. I read that you cut this book a lot. My one real suggestion is that you don't destroy those earlier versions; I find myself re-inserting some of my deletions.

thomshep

Again, I say: why read a few chapters and miss so much glorious writing? Your work is just splendid. People cheat themselves out of so much around here, skimming or giving partial reads.

Those who have no dealings with serious depression may not quite get this. People who have never watched men die of cancer may not get it. I've had both, oddly enough quite a lot of both. In a recent line of work I have ended up relunctantly watching a few men die, and watching their families deal with it, or refuse to. Watching the carers fail to seem caring. Trying to find ways to prevent the nursing home staff theft of watches and cash.

All that you have here is touching and truthful and absolutely absorbing in a way that made me just not even look for errors in spelling or punctuation or almost anything else. (Sorry, I fail as a critic when I am in love with the story. I did make one legible note: In Ch 3 you have imagery of a book as a lever, but you repeat it the image early in Ch 4. It's a wonderful image; I hate to complain, but it was repetitive.)

What would I pay to have someone fix my life? Well, I don't have enough for that. I have to settle for distractions like reading. Now then, what would I pay to read the rest of this? That's a whole 'nother story. Please tell me you will post more. I am rabid with curiosity at this point.

GE,
I do not know where to begin. In the sorrow of Sam and the dynamics with his wife, children, extended relatives, his therapist, is a marvelous story of the human condition. I lived through a lot of your story: loved one dying of cancer, hospice, competent and incompetent medical personel, bizarre relatives, the gauntlet of emotions, distraught friends, well-meaning church people. It's enough to make me hope for a gunshot wound from a kind friend, but I also know one can survive such traumas to the human spirit and grow. Learning that you cannot do a damn thing about some things is a huge lesson. To forgive yourself that you cannot is a bigger one. I hope this is published. I believe the story would help people going through similar life experiences. Best of luck.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Gefordson,
I’ve finished reading your book and think it’s excellent. I applaud your ability and ambition. I don’t think I’ve ever read a full novel off a screen before but it was worth it.
It's painful and sad -about that unfunny STUFF that we are all in the middle of.
It’s precise and forensic in its detailing of everything to do with the elderly and dying, and that's before you fit it into a living, breathing, normally flawed and complex family!! Not to mention a context: Cambridge, academia, local business, social unrest, house prices (!) … and the interest of the experiences of youth vs middle age.
I got a lot out of it. It attacks what matters, it allows the reader to explore what matters, but not to second guess it, or react against it. It isn't a mystery because the way its structured provides multiple understandings of what's happening - the reader doesn't need to fill in the gaps and wonder. It's not a love story - more a dissection of what people assume is 'love'. The reader doesn't die hoping that the main character will find true love and all that! It's a social commentary.
It’s a good and completely believable story and the characters are very alive. The main character is wonderfully flawed, and there is no happy ending. Such a relief!
Congratulations on the sheer effort, the ease of language, how well it reads, how seamless - nothing jumps out and worries one. And the way it hangs together and is true to itself - the two distinct interwoven narratives work - it's an immense achievement.
I love the title. It’s perfect. You weave it in throughout – there’s 'nothing you can do' about death, about some mistakes we make, about being in love with the wrong people, etc. Really clever. Good luck. Surely someone somewhere has to publish this??
(Don’t agree at all with the pov stuff from earlier comments. I can see why you chose 3rd person omniscient rather than 3rd person limited in the therapy sessions – it’s not a thriller!)

I only read three chapters. I wish I had the time to read it all, but maybe I'll come back when things slow down. I went to a therapists about 30 years ago because of the death of a loved one. They are mostly nuts. He once said "Therapists have to change clients every five years to save their own sanity and I have been here seven years." One day, he grabbed his head and ran out of his office screaming, "I can't take it. I can't take it." No one ever heard from him again. My sadness passed as they all do but I'll never forget the experience.
This book is a winner, but my bookshelf if full for now, so four stars. Let us know when it is published.

Yes, the first chapter works, but I would go right into the session for the start of the chapter.
"He began to talk quickly as he walked across the then Person carpet."
It gets you right into the story.
Actually you don't need a lot of great prose in a story like this, but if you chaoose to do some later on, read ut aloud. It has to sound like Gregory Peck or Charleston Heston is doing the reading.
I only had time to read the first chapter, but I am interested and will read more at a later date. Five stars. Backed.

Dear G E,

Your narrative is well written. You really feel Sam's desperation; his need to be 'fixed'. I feel the letters adds an extra dimension to the story and I like the way he has personal assides to Helen throughout the letter.
Your writing style draws you in and immerses you in the story.
Great work and therefore highly starred.

Best of luck!
Tania Johansson
Book of Remembrance

I like the way you write. And I like the way Sam writes. I think it is imporant when you have a narrative in a narrative that the writing styles differ enough to show it is more than just a literary gimmick.

Matt

GE,

I wrote these comments as I was reading:

The line where Helen asks: do I call you Sam or Samuel...
Since she’s met with him before, she should have checked her notes for this, especially since she did check for the subject matter of their last meeting.

You provide a great deal of information economically... about Helen, where she lives, what kind of person she is. The tears were intriguing, coming when and where they did. Then when Michael appears on the scene, I connect the affairs with the shaving lotion, and I understand. Nice job.

I especially like the line about appropriate silences and words failing.

One niggle about Helen’s credentials. At least in the US psychiatrists generally don’t provide counseling. Their major function is to determine what drug regimen the patient should be on and to monitor that. Psychologists are the ones who meet with patients to talk. And it would make more sense for Helen to be failing as a psychologist than as a psychiatrist.

Like the subtle way you let us know about Michael and Helen’s relationship.

I remember reading some of this earlier, but I don’t believe I commented on it. I like some of the changes you’ve made. I think in the earlier version Helen agreed to the money on the spot. Here, you’ve stretched it out and left me wondering what she’ll do... I like it!

Sam tells a good story. I like the asides to Helen, and the way he reveals his feelings. e.g. the line about his father hating him.

After revisiting this, I understand why it’s highly ranked. Good work!

Ann - Counterpointe

Hi, I've read the first couple of chapters of this because I liked your pitch. It's interesting; sad and funny at the same time. I like the way you reveal information gradually, like Sam's father being a headteacher. I like your easy to read language too. Well-written but I feel like I know what's coming for Sam's father and I'm worried that your descriptions will be too realistic for me to want to read. I prefer the lightness of the first chapter; the unusual offer and the inside-out dress. I think the intervening chapters are going to be hard-going, although I'm sure just as well-crafted.
Lucy Middlemass
Jinger Barley and The Murkle Moon

I have read the first chapter and apart from the odd punctuation error I really can't fault it. The whole premise is intriguing. Why would Helen, an accomplished Therapist, agree to help a client that she has only known for a brief time for such large sums of money and risk her reputation as well as putting herself in a compromising position? People do bizarre things when they are backed into a corner through financial or emotional difficulties and you portray that superbly. I can also sympathise with Sam who has his own emotional tortures to come to terms with. I work in mental health so every day I see people who are desperate to be 'fixed' and want to be part of normal life again (whatever normal means). Your writing style is brilliant. I love chapters that always end with a hook line that draws the reader eagerly on to the next chapter which is why I will be going back to this when my time isn't so pressured. I am awarding six well deserved stars. I am sure Nothing You Can Do will be sitting on the ED in the very near future. I would be grateful if you would take a look at my novel Pain. It too deals with emotional pain and trauma.

Kim (Pain)

I've just started reading Nothing You Can Do. After reading three chapters, I'm hooked. I want to know what happens to Sam and Helen. I especially like Helen and can relate to her. Her characterization is great. Your writing style is easy and flowing, your grammar excellent. I will be back to read more of the book. I'll try to post more comments as I get further into the book.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

I have made it through the first chapter, and find your work glorious! You truly capture the true desperation of someone looking to be fixed. I look forward to the rest!

I enjoyed the way you wrote and the storyline would be most enjoyable if it wasn’t laid down like breadcrumbs that have been laboured and strategically placed. I like the trail but I want to follow it not watch you put the crumbs down. Some of the very good imagery of relationships and thoughts about upbringing, connection and life are lost, with the suspense about the unfolding of the plot fading with too much detail at times; I wanted less to enjoy it more.

Be careful when using people like Mia Farrow, I’m old enough to remember her and her look but you want younger people than us to read and enjoy, you want as many people as you can to buy your book and across as many countries. Anyhow the way you look at people’s mannerisms would convey them much better :-).

I have always lived around Cambridge and the general hospitals in the area are Addenbrooke or Hinchingbrooke, for what its worth.

Good luck

Hi

I'm a bit bogged down so sadly I've only had time to read a few chapters but I loved what I read and will definitely be back to read some more. Great style, excellent characterisation, well paced. No real criticisms of it at all. This should be on the editor's desk. I'm going to put it on my bookshelf and hope it starts to move up again. If you have a moment to have a look at my book I would be very grateful.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

OMG! I love this. One initial complaint, though. Why do people always make the therapist a psychiatrist. I happen to be biased in favor of psychologists.

The style is so much fun. -- Yes, I mean fun. I laughed out loud at the line "That way he'll die in the hospital." I just love the snarkyness. (oops, I guess that's not a real word.) It reminds me of my big brother who is no longer with us, who could do things like refer to the woman he married as "my wife twice removed," i.e. first by divorce and then by death.

I found myself tickled in the beginning to identify with the therapist with her dying/dead practice -- like mine, though I have the impression hers related more to a decision than to the recession -- and the ridiculous whatever, panic? unconscious self-destruction? -- that led to her wearing her dress inside out. (I had a French teacher in college who did it deliberately -- wore the same dress every day until halfway through the semester when she decided it was getting dirty so she wore it inside out for the rest of the semester. Believe me, people got to her classes early so they could sit in the back.)

I love the academia stuff. I love the political stuff. I love (?) the hurt of being the poorly regarded youngest son. (not, by the way, the position I held in my family -- well, for at least one obvious reason.)

See what ypu've done? I'm having so much fun babbling.

I've got to go now, but first this gets a five-star rating and a place on my watch list. I'll be backing it ASAP, though I'm so enthusiastic about anything I do back that I hate to remove anyone to make room for yours. But it will happen, and I'll be back to read more.

Mona (Mrs. Job(

Still reading, still backed.

Not quite far enough in to comment properly, but I do like this. On the bookshelf, and I'm looking forward to getting back to it soon...

An interesting premise. I can't imagine a professional therapist taking on the challenge but people do the stupidest things. The inside out dress idea seemed bizarre, I guess it was zipless. Quite an unusual opening chapter and it got me hooked. I need to read on to see if she took the money and delivered the cure.

Not only is the concept here great, but the excellent writing backs it up. This promises to be a thrilling read, but one with elements of quiet contemplation too.

I'm not very good with comments, but I think this should be a winner.

Ch 12 Very sudden conclusion to a long journey.

Ch 11 Sadly, there is no relief from the grief. Not sure this amounts to a book.

CH 9 This view into Helen's life come a little late but it ties up a few loose ends and is actually as good as the chapters where Sam is the primary character. The writing remains strong.

Ch 8 Decent chapter. But there is no relief from the dreariness of death and dying. Still excellent writing.

Ch 7 Psychiatrists prescribe medications, more than they provide therapy. If she is a cognitibe-behavioral therapist her responses are not congruent with that type of therapy AND I had to laugh, she takes money but not flowers. Ha! Actually, I would have taken flowers but I would have questioned the desperate need to bring them. Yes, he insulted her, but I would have questioned where that was coming from. You see therapists never take things personally, it is all grist for the therapy (mill) session.

Helen would never have acted that way unless she's totally lost it herself. Preserving the session is most important of all, and finding out why he needed to fix the toilet would have been important. So he is pushing the boundaries and she is suppose to set them and she loses it- just like his daddy. What a mess this chapter is. Sam is his own best therapist. I think this really needs to be thought out a little more. What is the purpose of this chapter, how does it lead the reader on towards the conclusion of the book?

Ch 6 Watching the death of a loved one can be horrifically difficult. I would advise you to pass on this chapter. It is very realistic and sad. In effect, it is so well written, one feels like the man that is dying is a relation and the son, Sam, is just an alias for the reader.

Ch 5 Sam's dad is dying, Helen's marriage is dying and Sam's future is dying. Hmmmm, Sam sounds schizoaffective. Helen's reactions are not typical of a therapist makes her part in this the weakest part of the writing. She's writes 'shame' for Sam, what do we writw about her, 'guilt'?

Ch 4 Very sad, passionate, dark chapter but written very well. This is the heart of this story-Sam's point of view about his life juxtapose with the end of life of his father. The author manages to tell the history of the character, decades of information about the characters life, without being boring. Just an excellent chapter.

Ch 3 THe reason a therapist doesn't accept money, even though it is unethical, is that the patient holds the therapist hostage. Just as it is occurring in this chapter. I don't know if the writer meant to do it either. We shall see. Also, there are some things a therapist would attend to and other things they'd ignore; it's a means of guiding the client towards a goal- that will cause a change in their behavior. The writer has some concern about 'fixing things' in therapy. Lol, perhaps its the writer's way of expressing his concern about the profession. Does Helen believe her work is viable? Others seem to challenge that belief- even this client.

Ch 2 An EXCELLENT chapter, heads above chapter one. Feels like tit comes from experience. The author does need to go back and remove the word 'that' wherever possible.

Ch 1 Not bad writing but uncharacteristic of a true therapist behavior who's been at it for twenty years, and a psychiatrist at that. The man takes charge right off and the woman never calls him on it or questions it. I should know I've been a clinical psychologist for twenty-five years. However, as a work of fiction it is a bit tantilizing, and leaves the reader wondering just what this is all about. Also, it is-in the United States- unethical to accept money or gifts from a patient, not just morally wrong....

Just starting to read, but worth shelving. Backed.

Ch. 1 Para.7 : "chili" not "chilli"
Para starting "years of practice and training in the use ..." you have "she her mind went blank".
Near the end, Para starting: "For a moment she felt ..." you've dropped the final E from envelope.

I'm a trained proof-reader, so pardon my "nit-picking" ... it's the nits that keeps us from gettng published, so lemme help. Interesting beginning. I believe, if you could, you should combine some of your shorter paragraphs to smooth out the reading process itself. I am enjoying the book so far. I'll be back soon.

Be sure to check out Slave to Grace. I think you'll enjoy it.

Joyce ~ Slave to Grace

Ch. 1 Para.7 : "chili" not "chilli"
Para starting "years of practice and training in the use ..." you have "she her mind went blank".
Near the end, Para starting: "For a moment she felt ..." you've dropped the final E from envelope.

I'm a trained proof-reader, so pardon my "nit-picking" ... it's the nits that keeps us from gettng published, so lemme help. Interesting beginning. I believe, if you could, you should combine some of your shorter paragraphs to smooth out the reading process itself. I am enjoying the book so far. I'll be back soon.

Hi Geoff,
I have read chapter 1 and enjoyed the read - made me want to read on which is excellent! I like your style which is easy; no BBC Radio 4 pretentious, clever, prizzy dialogue which I detest. I really am intrigued! I will read more.
If I have one picky comment, I was not sure which side of the pond I was on. I thought that I was in the good old US of A (private therapists etc etc) then the reference to the NHS threw me. Didn't think that you could just walk in off the street to see a therapist in good old Brighty. But that's being picky but you may wish to clarify it in the opening para.
I shall put it in my 'watch list' and read more but I have no hesitation in giving it high stars.
Thanks for the read, I really enjoyed it.
Robert Lawrence

Dramatic first line to your pitch – very grabby. The twin story structure is well presented, and the final part of the pitch puts your themes across in a moving way. I am now expecting a sensitive, touching double-story - very nice structure, that.

The first chapter really gets on with it in a pacey way, and that appealed to me. I questioned why the therapist is so, well, out-of-it, without a single client. I wanted one little phrase to hint at why, right up front, just one hint. I needed more than my hope that this will get explained later somehow, e.g. stopping the session to go change her clothes is really unprofessional and weird, and almost strangely sexual, and there’s no hint why.

But, you establish a real thriller-type tension, the slight feeling of threat from him (the stalking, the hint at sex or even rape, the control-freak manner), and her corresponding vulnerability. This is set up well, and quickly. So, now I expect a kind of sexy, psychological thriller, like the films Jagged Edge or Sea of Love. Maybe that needs to correspond more to the pitch, to put this across? I feel there will be a lot of cat-and-mouse, in the double-story set-up (again, great symetrical structure).

If her desperation were explained a touch, even with one reference, I’d accept her impulsive decision better. I need to know her worst fear, or the worst aspect of her life right now, or her worst regret in life, or something - some My-Mess-Of-A Life-In-A-Nutshell type of thought - then I’ll see why she does this obviously stupid thing.

It often happens in movies: why does the character walk into the haunted house where she obviously shouldn’t go? Because if she doesn’t do this dumb thing, we won’t have a story and a movie. But your story is clearly more thoughtful and intelligent than that!

For example, before we see the husband is insensitive to her working at home - How would she sum up her sad personal life, in a nutshell, in her thoughts? How would she sum up what totally destroyed her career? Why is she broke? What cliff-edge is she poised over? If one such thought went through her head, on the first page or so, it would change so much in the set-up of her characterisation.

Why does she have no memory of his being a client? Does this bother her? Does she realise that’s odd? Was it so very long ago? Or is she that screwed up? Please just chuck that clarification in, and it will be more believable.

This is quite similar to the feedback you gave me – a story can be wonderful, and yet the first chapter that sets it up might need different proportions or a different style maybe, to really spell out what’s coming. Set-ups are so hard! Here, I think I am getting a tense, scary thriller. And a mirror-image double-story. But other reviews suggest it is more of a mournful tale, peppered with humour, and it is his story, with her as a secondary character. So now I am not sure why we start with her POV, if she is not the main character. Either story is a good thing, but I am unclear what I am getting. I think we both need to look at this, in our respective works, to be honest. Set-ups are harder than rest of the book, sometimes.
Best wishes in your endeavours,
Eileen

I don't offer any other view than my own feelings when i start to read.
You had me in the first few sentences. being a therapist in almost 25 years now, this naturally interests me - both professionally and as an avid reader. I love the pictures I get from Sam and Helen by reading their dialog - that's a sign of mastery. With few and delicate words, you bring so much atmosphere up around the two guys, and this is exactly the place i want to be when i read - i want to be nourished by the pictures your book gives me. I get lost here - in the way i love to be lost: loosing my ego, dipping into others' lives, enjoying myself tremendously.
Bless you for this work. May it be published. I want it on my REAL shelf in my home, but you will soon be on mine here.
Would you do me the pleasure of reading a little from my book too? non-fiction - "when fear comes back to Love." Please see bio for suggested reading.
Best of luck with this
Leelah Saachi

Just finished Chapter 6, and rather irritated. Why? Because it is so interesting that I am neglecting writing my own!

I find the therapist's need to change her clothes because her dress is inside out or backwards is a bit incredulous. Also, that entire sentence is a bit long and wordy. Many sentences are far too long and disrupt the reading because of the length.

Started to read ch. 2 but something about the writing seemed wrong, didn't seem like a man writing out his inner thoughts. Felt more like someone writing a novel. Then tried to see how long this writing was and found it far, far, far too long for a chapter, suggest breaking this down into two or three chapters.

Ch. 3 starts out a bit strange, don't see why she'd continue to put up with a husband who doesn't support her profession, especially since this is exactly what she'd be counseling others to do themselves. 'He looked angry...his father from Italy.' This is out of place with all the previous dialogue--all tell, should be show with dialogue.

Overall, an intriguing story that draws you in. Need to fix the sentence length in places as they become run-on, shorten some chapters.

Mary -- Heartstrings Legacy--Choices Made

Hello Geoff
First of all congrats on a very tidy and convincing pitch - would just recommend you remove the final 'sometimes' to give it added oomph.
Your first scene is eye-catching but had me a little perplexed. I like the idea of starting 'in medias res' but felt I needed a bit more context, especially re Helen. We seem to be in her point of view for most of the scene and I feel the impact of Sam’s visit and offer would be greater if we had a bit of background on what it might mean for here – i.e. some of the info you provide later on re her lack of work and bad marital situation. As it is I found everything a bit abrupt.
Nor could I understand why Sam would walk in with this offer rather than ask her to take him on as a normal person first. When/if she refused he might then offer money, but the idea she would have to be won over by a wad of cash seems odd unless there’s some explanation given.
Also didn’t quite know what to make of the wardrobe malfunction without some other clues as to her character. Is she terribly embarrassed or just irritated at her carelessness? And is it the sort of dress that is obviously inside out, or is the difference minimal in which case she might just carry on regardless. But maybe that’s just the fashion victim in me talking!
One thing that did strike me is that the description of her after she has changed (fat shoes, alien eyes etc) is an outsider’s (or Sam’s) point of view but it seems to be presented as her own.
So, as you can see I didn’t quite ‘get’ your opening scene, which may just be a personal thing. I did get a lot more into the read as we went through Sam’s story (went to ch 3) and the fraught family relationships. Despite the rather grim subject matter I did find it engaging (although I didn’t particularly like the ‘asides’ addressed directly to Helen). I liked some of the writing a lot – e.g. ‘Coarse airy thinness,’ ‘Hand around your heart’ and the robin. Also the Cambridge background and the political dimension added a lot to my understanding of Sam. The punch line about the house sale is great (although reading on I guess Dad knew about it – more dramatic if they were selling it from under him!)
I know that cancer diagnoses can be sudden and devastating but I’m not sure ‘cancer everywhere’ (repeated a few times) quite works for me. ‘Advanced’ or ‘aggressive’ would sound better, maybe with a few more details., (e.g. original tests found liver/bowel cancer but it has spread. Now it’s practically everywhere.)
Hope I won’t annoy you too much if I say this reads a bit like a first daft where you are seeing how the story fits together and few things need ironing out. The references to Libby, for instance – I feel she needs more than the odd paragraph.

I realise I’ve only read a short section. I do like the way you write (have given 4 stars) and will try to come back and read some more.
ATB

AliB
A Kettle of Fish

This is immediately engaging and you have a very clever way of conveying characters and concepts, of introducing ideas - no clumsy information dumps, but neat little observations with a revealing subtext.

Chapter 1

‘it’s eighty degrees for God’s sake, why is the man wearing that scarf?

She took a deep breath.’

*****

‘'Sorry,’ Sam said. He began to talk quickly as he walked into the therapy room. 'It’s just that, I was cooking and a damn cat from next door came in and jumped onto the kitchen worksurface. It ate some chicken covered in chilli and I seriously thought I’d killed it.’

In Helen’s experience most first sessions began with avoidance.’

****
‘I offered you twelve thousand pounds. And no, I don’t expect to have sex with you for that amount.’
The years of practise and training in the use of appropriate silences had not prepared Helen for the point where words utterly failed.’

****
(As an aside, the use of ‘s’ in ‘practise’ in the above extract is interesting. My immediate thoughts were that it should be a ‘c’ , ‘practice’ the noun but I guess maybe there’s a case for the ‘s’ , as in practise short for practising, verb. I don’t know. Something for me to ponder upon - says in my profile I’m fascinated by language!)

****
‘A loud rapping on the window made them both jump. Outside Helen saw the tall, dark figure of her husband and without hesitating she crossed the room to the patio door. Stepping outside she shouted, ‘Please, I’m in a session.’

When she came back to sit down it took her a moment to focus and control her anger. Why could he never respect what she did?’

****
The Great Dress Debate.

The dress being worn inside out, no matter how briefly, makes quite an impact and I would be looking for this to have some significance later on. When I read it I wondered why. My immediate thought was ‘dressed in a hurry, must be illicit sex’ and then ‘if not that then she’s totally preoccupied by something’. I shall wait to see.

Chapter 2

Again you draw your characters well and there are some very interesting dynamics going on, some intriguing relationships; it certainly makes me want to learn more about them. Even though this is essentially a sad chapter it is laced with Sam’s humour.

I very much like the way that you have Sam referring to Helen during this chapter, ‘talking’ to her and:

‘Helen, did I mention that my father hated me?’ really stands out, jolts.

‘He cut himself of from the small town and lived on a daily diet of bile and bitterness.’ Oooh, that’s a lovely sentence. ‘Daily diet of bile and bitterness’. I love it and it describes Sam’s father so accurately.

One thing I noticed when I scanned the L40 thread (but which I didn’t pick up on myself when I read) were comments on the narrative nature of Sam’s notes/journal. I don’t remember how that discussion unfolded but I did wonder if it would make any difference if it was a voice recording of some kind, rather than written notes. This is by no means a suggestion, just the whisper of a thought wafting across my muddled mind.

****

I have read about half you have posted here. You sustain with apparent ease the difference in style and tone between 'now', and Sam’s notes for Helen (your voice and Sam’s I guess). I love the way the characters are developing and the relationships between them are very real and well observed. For me although I very much enjoyed reading the ‘notes for Helen’ I wondered if maybe they were a little lengthy presented in this format but this could well be due to reading on a screen rather than a printed page and is just my opinion.

You handle a difficult subject with sensitivity but this mixed with realism and humour and your writing is interspersed with sentences and phrases that I really loved and read over again just for the pleasure of reading them. Nothing You Can Do, a very good title I thought, held my attention throughout and the way the story is developing makes me want to read on.

Just read first chapter and part ot second. Totally captivating. Highly starred and will return. Best of luck with this! Ruby

LF40

chap4

Wasn't Rome built ON the hills instead of in the valley? A contradiction which foreshadows the anticlimax in this chapter. The downhill journey continues. The continuous truth of Dad being in a state of dying loses its flavour of novelty and becomes dreary and unwelcome. The walls of non-connection become shored up higher, and the meaning of life fades into the background, giving rise to unpleasant flashes of self-awareness.
Libby sounds like a person who knows Sam well and her asessment of him comes over as a sharp, yet accurate observation. I liked the tennis losing scene, which is being tarnished by feelings of competition as if it was a duel, all the time pertaining to aspects of a sexual flavour, specifically the jealousy and hatred which is raised by fears of inferiority and inadequacy. It remains unclear why the MC and Libby have split, but that adds to the flavour of the story which is presented in many parts as being out of time, with only snippets of memory colouring the day.

On the whole, I found that this chapter was depressing and lacked the uplifting moments of humour and happy sarcasm which render a tragic moment bearable. Maybe that was your intention, but I missed somebody like Dom in here to brighten up the atmosphere. It sounded as if the funeral march was being played before the person had been declared dead. Deterioration and loss of personality on Dad's part contributed to a great extent to that feeling. It seems that the MC has never had to deal with the mirky waters of his own character, which suddenly come bubbling up in unexpected places.

The factory /tannery scene was brilliant and fitted like a glove to explain the MCs own darkness. The contrast of different layers of society in life was portrayed with great precision and insight. This was accentuated by the guys saying good-bye especially as they thought the MC could have gone far in their particular set-up.. Absolutely right, as he has many layers himself which become visible in different paragraphs and scenes, and his hippie-look hides a person who can be extremely sinister. I enjoyed the way this layering comes out bit by bit, and the journey into his mind takes us deeper and deeper, where all sorts of aspects of sleeziness and deprivation find ample breeding ground. Again the sexual references contribute perfectly to the image of a man who is by no means open or straight-forward. Saved by blood-red tights . . . that was genius.

The Tesco scene seemed perfect, so human and so expressive of Dad's dire state, being arrogant and critical to the hilt, yet on the brink of dying, while being unable to let go of his imposing personality. Again, the nursing home scene with the manager having his car vandalised described the whole world these people live in the most accurately observing manner. The MC wants to think it's a nice home because of some superficial impression, (I wonder if he's two-faced about his assessment because he couldn't care less?) while the father smells a rat, and puts a spanner in the works.

Apart from the lack of fun or any opportunity to get away for a second, this chapter shines. But maybe the bad mood throughout makes it so real and daunting, and the last sentence seems to explain the loneliness of death. There is no way to hide and everyone has left.
This describes the human condition in such poignant sentences and snapshots, I can only admire your sense of honesty and understanding, while the writing itself in my view shows a high level of know-how. Anyone who would like to understand the state of man, as well as get a good picture of the coldness and superficiality in our society, should read this book and be moved to cry bitter tears. But then, that's what dying is all about, to teach us new things. I found the tag 'literary fiction' fully justified.

Ame
Normsville Trilogy

I'm not sure if it matters, but "LF40 Review" nonetheless.

1 - Many have mentioned the Heath Ledger comment. I echo these sentiments. I don't think it is a bad choice as a writer to choose a recognizable character, but mentioning Brokeback Mountain brought my mind somewhere else. I don't think that's the image you intended to give me!

I did write in my notes that the end of chapter one is a great hook. And as I said in the forum, Helen's inside-out clothes really work for me.

2 - The relationship between Libby and Sam threw me. Especially because the creepiness of this relationship is never addressed or expressed. I know they made efforts to hide it, and seemed ashamed. But I still felt it was accepted more than it should have been. Maybe if he didn't admit the relationship to his aunt? Her acceptance was creepy.

Additionally, the nurse says "Jim" too many times, and I felt it cheapened the irony/joke.

typo (kind of): "Ravello was a surprise..." You start a sentence with "Ravello" twince in a row. It stuck out for me.

3 - Good chapter. Nothing to offer critique-wise. I like the pacing.

4 - You use the phrases "...lamp lit late..." and "...where he waited whilst..." in this chapter. The alliteration is jarring, and I notice that you do this often throughout the book. I have some examples later in other chapters. Is this on purpose? I don't understand it.

The scene in the grocery store is heartbraking and visceral. It felt very real and I teared up a bit. I'm 98% sure this is the first time an Authonomy book has made me cry. I'm usually made of stone. I loved that scene.

I also like when the dad tells Sam "...you do everything." Excellent characterization!

typos: "...was winding down to a finally flourish." final?
"...as her head knocking against the seat's headrest." knocked?
"There was an envelope adress to me..." addressed?

5 - This is the chapter that I really started to notice Sam displaying some of his father's traits (the miplaced anger, for example). You did a great job of slowly turning him into the man we know he becomes during therapy.

Another example of the alliteration: "...black bin bag down by his boots."

Helen says sam looks shattered in this chapter. Would a therapist really say that? Also, this term is repeated by a few characters throughout the book. Is this a common term in the UK?

typos: You use the word "whinged" instead of "whined" in one sentence.
"scarff" instead of "scarf". There is a floating F there, I think.
"...ripped black bag an, with a pull..." and?
"yea" instead of "ye".

When Helen used money to mop up the mess in the toilet, I was completely pulled out of the story. That did not ring true for me at all. I realize that may be some sort of analogy or irony, but it is just too unrealistic.

I really like the stories of his old girlfriends. The demise of these relationships is seen through the lens of his current state, and at first I was disgusted by them. I saw him as a callous prick. But then I remembered that these events occured for young Sam, the one I had grown to love, and I saw him as frightened and confused. I like the dichotomy there.

6 - When Dom said he wasn't Sam's father, it reminded me of when a child says to a step-parent, "You're not my father!" I can't figure out why that stuck with me, but I liked it. It's a good line.

Again in this chapter, you use the term shattered (Richard says it).

I like that Sam puts the phone down and hears his brother's "tiny" voice. That was a clever phrase.

more alliteration: "...hits home hard."

typos: "wit" instead of "with".
"...if you in do..." remove in
"...will you sit up? Yes?" Why is there a question mark after yes?
"...she had move away from me..." moved?
"I fit..." Should be "If it..."
"I turned to Gabe and Jess they both looked frightened." You need some punctuation in there.

7 - When Sam says "don't ask me to say Mississippi," my first thought was "then how did he just say it?" I think you sould either remove that line, or spell it in the way he would speak it with his injured face.

Also, when Helen says "...even he got things wrong." regarding Freud, I found this not to ring true either. Freud has been largely discredited, and most of his research is not considered to be relevant. If you were going for sarcasm there, it didn't read off the page (or screen) like that to me.

typos: "...left her a large, tip." remove the comma.

I like the way the will was written, excluding the wives. But I think you should make the fraction smaller. 1/7 of 400,000 is still pretty good money. I think you should really screw the wives over more (for lack of a better term).

I remembered that you wrote earlier about how a house can define a person. I like when the brothers were talking about selling their father's house and it was described as slowly emptying. It was kind of an allusion to his life slowly leaving his body. Well done.

8 - typos: "She me a certificate." gave?
"Dad fancies grandfather clock..." clocks?
"You told me the college were..." was?
"...into ours cars..." our?
"...pulling up a bi of bamboo..." bit?

I LOVE the end of chapter 8!

9 - I liked this small break from Sam (things were getting really heavy and depressing) to see Helen in a more clear light. It's a nice chapter and gives us some breathing room in between the weight of Sam's letters and sessions.

10 - I noticed Sam isn't smoking as much? Or it is not being described. I think you should keep describing it. He would definitly be smoking a lot right now (at least I would!).

And we finally lose the father - doesn't it always seem so anti-climatic when you've been expecting it? Like there should be more? I thought the scene was very realistic and well done. It also highlights that you will feel guilty no matter how much you do for the dying. It's hard to avoid that list twinge of guilt as a "survivor". Nicely done.

typos: "It wa like being on drugs." was?

11 - BRILLIANT analogy regarding the lemons and stones. I actually made the faces! And the flying/death analogy reminded me of how I feel when flying. I don't think anyone's ever pointed that out - the scary realization that you're surrounded by nothingness. I really liked that.

I don't get the sentence about "recognizing a wound"? Maybe I missed something?

typos: "At around seven more..." comma after seven.

12 - typos: "The whole arrangemenet up made her..." remove "up"
"He clearly unnerved by her driving..." was unnerved?

I like the ending, I think it fits nicely. We all yearn for catharsis even in the most imperfect of circumstances. I have nothing more to add. I loved this book.

-Katy
The Promenade

(Also, as far as people mentioning that his letters are too well-written, I think his English background and love for poetry handle that quite nicely.)

LF40

chap1
I liked the slowly starting tension and uncertainty of this chapter, the blackmail-type contract and the agreement of Helen reading notes, instead of talking live during the session. I felt some electricity and found the scene feasible if unusual. The characters are quickly sketched showing Helen's professional and personal life to be less than perfect. The scene throws a dark shadow (apart from a marriage separation and father's death) as Heath Ledger has been brought into the comparison. The hook is good and leads well into the next chapter. I found no other issues, and felt absorbed enough by the ongoings to want to read on.
(I was a bit confused about the killed chicken. Who killed what?)

chap2

This chapter is a masterpiece in bringing to life the feelings and jumbled emotions which come to the surface when a close member of the family is very ill or dying. I shall just write a few thoughts while going through the chapter.

It is common knowledge that the lack of a shadow, indicates the person to be a vampire. Was that the meaning?
Things are tightening amongst the family despite the holiday break, with wife in PMT, son definitely nasty and all family life slightly upside down. The holiday having been a washout prepares for more bad news, but why is the son so devastated about his 86!year old father getting ill?
Later it is mentioned that the children love their grandfather, which explains the shock a little, but the father hates Caryl, which again puts a lot of controversy into the plot. But the father hates the MC as well!

'I had to pull free to leave' sounds very sinister and threatening, and is probably meant that way to show that the marriage is having serious rifts.
The lingering shock of T.Blair's government was a good joke and made me laugh amongst the sadness and devastation.
To convince Dad to go to hospital only in order for him to die there was a foul stroke, and added to the sickening situation.
Dom's txt is hilariously funny, and reminds us of the two Greek theatre masks, one laughing, one in distress.
There should be speechmarks after 'it would turn this bad', but none after 'just stuff to make me comfortable., as he keeps talking.
A hard day at the orifice, what are you like!

And then the hatred from and for father comes out, bit by bit, very convincing and right between the eyes. And also the change that dying can bring - he can even bear the usually hated phrase 'bye,bye', something which sounds rather odd for anyone who's normal. As a person this father seems to represent a challenging man, if not an outright bastard (excuse the expression) in every way.
Dom, however, seems a darling, down to earth and full of life and wisdom. (You must be familiar with Essex car-dealers)The same cannot be said about the nurses who appear disinterested and removed, all brilliantly portrayed and couldn't have been described any better, despite the sparse sketching which seems to have a greater bolt for being so economical .

The juxtaposition of comedy and tragedy is convincing as real life has a lot of humour even in the most dire moments. The sexual flashes throughout provide some personal insight and seem to bring the MC back to himself where he is losing his personality amongst the forces of death and disengagement. My only criticism would be concerning the length of the chapter which demands a lot of sympathy from the reader.

The characterisations are second to none, the dialogue superb, the observations spot-on. The relentlessness of the situation which throws up a whole lifetime's worth of emotions and thoughts keeps turning the wheel and brings the reader into the same hypnotic state which an event like the described one can instigate. A very powerful rendering of a taboo subject.

(The cancer was undeserved, I assume, not underserved?) I shall read more and will back the book shortly.

Ame
Normsville Trilogy

Oops, I wrote 2 reviews thinking my other had been deleted :)

LF 40 Review -

Mr. Fordson,

I took down a page of very specific notes as I read through the first four chapters and at some point, set my pen down and simply decided to immerse myself in your manuscript. I gave up on trying to do the "acupuncture" approach for two reasons: 1) It interrupted the experience of surrounding myself with your characters and getting up from my virtual seat among them (which you create brilliantly for your readers) and 2) There is far too much for someone trying to take a knife and fork to the piece, with "consumption and digestion" in mind.

I don't mean to cheat you out of a fair review, but I also don't want to write a small novella here in the hopes that I'll be able to capture what I enjoy/don't enjoy about the book, piece by piece.

Here is what I love about it, in simplest terms:

1- The dialogue is succinct and perfectly honed in a way that I am mildly envious of. My characters tend to be a bit gabby at times, and I think yours say so much more with less - that's a gift.

2- As I said before, you don't just tell a story, you've crafted a chair for your readers to sit in the room with your characters and listen in on their conversations. This is done with your brilliant dialogue, excellent framing of your characters, and the pulse you give to both. I imagine that you have dossiers/bios thicker than the IRS on each of them and you know every tick, flaw, and pantomime that they will exhibit at any hour of the day. I prided myself on my characters, but yours are HD quality while mine are technicolor for certain.

I feel as if you cut away a window for a onlooker to peer into the world these characters live in, because you've pais such attention to every layer - political assertions, private thoughts on other family members, personal proclivites, etc etc. You've really left no stone unturned, and still, I don't feel as if I'm standing in a quarry.

3 - Your pacing is perfect and you know when to allow us a pause to reflect on something heavy, and when to carry us away to the next mini-scene - the perfect amusement ride operator. There is a ton of material to get through (beginning with chapter 2), and I would tend to skim, but I didn't want to miss anything. From the onset of the story, you lay out the expectations and the timetable: "You have six sessions to fix me. You do X and I'll give you Y." It draws the reader in with it's simplicity, and you've imposed a "race vs time" element that winds a clock as we begin the book.

4- As well as you've researched your character backgrounds, you seem to have done your research on the other particulars like the professional language and terminology (as in the case of your psychiatrist). I use some of the same language in my book, but you've seemed to go an extra step with it. This originally drew me in, because I use a similar opening in my book, with the main character asking to be "fixed", and approaching a person in the business of sorting out the human condition (even an amateur one).

I can go on and on about the language, the very specific quirks ("Dad calling the African doc 'Paki' etc), and the attention to detail (journal entries about Elton John and a masturbation log), but I think it's all seasoning that you can't really separate from the dish as a whole.

This should be on shelves somewhere near me soon, I hope, and I'm glad Bunderful recommended it.

Regards,

J C Wickham

LF 40 Review

This book is—to me—so clear and clean in its traversal of a knotty literary situation that it can be instructional. I don’t mean that it reads like a textbook; far from it. I think therapists and detectives do with “real” lives what literary critics do with fictitious ones. I’ve used the detective-as-literary-critic module in one of my novels (not on here) and I see this work using a therapist in the same way. Sam is clearly drawn to the daughters of Athena, and, consciously or not, wants an intellectual woman to understand and fix him. I haven’t read the whole book, so the rest of it may not support these reflexions.

There was an Emma Thompson movie some years ago—based on a play, if memory serves—that dealt with a martinetish teacher’s final illness. What I like about NYCD is the amount of pathos this spare, skillful prose wrings out of the sufferings of a man who wasn’t that nice—and through the point-of-view of the disfavored son. I love the nostalgic interjections about Sam’s youth, his school days, his young love, his discovery of sex; all of it reads like a carefully-wrought photo album.

I liked the third-person point-of-view so much, the shift irked me, ever so slightly; but I think this kind of set-up creates genuine suspense; and a wonderful sense of intimacy, as if the reader is eavesdropping at a confessional. Which isn’t something I’ve ever done, of course.

And funny. This is a funny book. People tend to forget that even “Jude the Obscure” is funny. Not because I derive a certain kind of Tarantino-eque hilarity from babies hanging dead in closets, but because Hardy knew his Greek and Shakespearean tragedy. NYCD gives us a similar parallelism between courtly pathos and bucolic ribaldry: the orifice joke, Dom’s misquotation of Shakespeare, the ultra-conservative sociopolitical slant. I once had a student—a very straight-laced student—who, without any sense of what she done wrong, defined bioluminescence as “orgasms that glow in the dark.” And the humor here definitely lightens the load. I didn’t know the Martin Amis teeth joke, but I got numerous others.

LF 40 Review

At last I have found time to read a chunk of 'Nothing You Can Do. My ability to read online in one session petered out half way through Chapter 6 - that is not a criticism of the book!

Let's just accept that it is written by a true craftsman. For my part I find the pace, the characterisation and the 'voice' faultless. No point in heaping praise upon that which is so damn good anyway! I thought I detected a couple of continuity glitches, but would want to re-read to be sure (sorry should have made notes).

So to the 'plot'.
Fascinating.
Who is the psychiatrist - Helen? - Sam? - me the reader?
What is wrong with these people - they are not just slightly weird - surely there is something that I have not quite grasped yet?
And what sort of reader am I - a reader of this book, or a reader of Sam's 'book'?
What are all these allegorical allusions - dead budgerigars, inverted dresses, shadowless MC's, burning toasters. flooding toilets?
Why am I alternately subjected to 'Cambridge Pretension' and 'Tannery Stench'.

Is this book about death? Well yes, of course.
Is it about political values? Yes, in part.
Is it about futility - I rather think so.

This book needs to be published - and I need to finish it. Which I will do with great pleasure.

LF40 Review

Hi Geoff, I’m really glad to have the opportunity to revisit NYCD although I must confess that this time round I’m only through the first three chapters at present. I fully intend to read it in its entirety, but as the first three are what usually helps a MS stand or fall at a read it might be useful to have some feedback on these.

As with the first version I read, I still feel ambivalent about the opening chapter. I think it is because it starts with Helen’s POV and for me, this seems odd since Sam is really our focus. Then I read the beginning lines of chapter two and I thought, “why doesn’t the book start here?” It’s a startling and evocative opening…[just realised you can’t cut and paste – BUGGER!!!), but the lines that begin: “Just before dad died…” to the end of that paragraph.

I really wanted to be launched into the character of Sam and his dilemma and I think that using these lines ( and the conversation with Richard that follows) would do it in a way which would then segue perfectly into his decision to seek out Helen. Without this understanding from the start, I felt that the scene in Helen’s office felt a little too insubstantial, almost like a novelty, about which I didn’t altogether care.

I completely understood the Martin Amis reference (for some reason the story faintly fascinated me at the time) but I do see why some people don’t get it. I think if we had some knowledge that Sam is a bit of a thinker, and/or recorder of events, we would be more inclined towards references like this. Similarly with the Heath Ledger reference; it’s too precise for me, and doesn’t do your skill with adjectives many favours.

I also understand that Helen is a conflicted and complex character but I think some, if not all of her behaviour in that first session is just plain bizarre and unprofessional to the extent that it makes me question Sam’s unflinching desire to see her and not somebody else. The fact that he has visited Helen before with Caryl doesn’t do it for me; I need to know why someone like Helen would appeal to someone like Sam. Is it her unconventionality that draws him to her? Or is that he thinks only someone as “desperate” as Helen would want to fix someone as broken as him? (a variation on the old Woody Allen Joke about club membership?)

I think it’s amusing that Helen has her dress on back to front, or inside out, or whatever, but I also think that she wouldn’t notice till after. She might then fixate on it, and the way it reflects on how she came across which might in turn then motivate her to want to see Sam again and “prove” that she was someone worthy of fixing him. I don’t know, these are just all ideas for your characterisation. Your writing is so strong in many places that it seems a real shame for it to be let down by holes in the credibility.

I stand by my previous assertion that the diary excerpts, although incredibly well written, cheat the reader of the drama of having the incidents played out directly. I was also distracted by Sam’s constant referencing to Helen in them. It made me feel as though they were written for an audience, rather than coming from somewhere deeply private, which bothered me. I think it’s enough for Sam simply to give Helen the diary entries as a way in to him; without having specifically written them for her.

I agree with other people about chapter two having a lack of focus at present. For me, each chapter should have a controlling idea behind it, and this just seemed rather sprawling in its intent, trying to give us a whole load of information which could be better served, and more intuitively received through dramatic scenes both here and throughout the book. We don’t need to have all the information at once, and doing so potentially robs the story of drama and pace.

Also, a couple of times, you would give us a pithy line about a character and then repeat this information by giving examples, rather than letting the examples speak for themselves. I am thinking particularly of when Sam describes his father as “ a racist and a bigot” before then giving us a whole list of incidents where this is quite plain for us to see for ourselves. Trust your reader to get it, because your writing is strong enough not to need the tautology.

There were many things I loved about these opening pages: the heart-rending descriptions of Sam tending to his father and his father’s obvious discomfort with this. There’s a line in my own novel concerning a character who dies very slowly and painfully from MS:

“That was far the worst thing about illness; it was a persona non grata with friends; attended by shame and indignity and the black bonhomie of depression”.

I think you say it much more poignantly in these scenes, and I was truly moved by them. And I was moved because you weren’t trying to pull at our heartstrings. You were recording (as Sam records) the almost banal minutiae of tending to someone who can no longer tend for themselves, made all the more poignant because of the man that Tom used to be. (In my own book, the husband of the dying woman surreptitiously feeds her slithers of green pepper because he’s so mortified by the fact she can no longer eat the things she loves. The fact that he almost kills her in the process is neither here nor there!!!)

I think by chapter three you are starting to hit your stride with the material. The writing seems more relaxed, although again, I think you introduce too many questions, for example, about Michael’s perception of Helen and the dynamics of their marriage, alongside the overarching concern of Sam and his dilemma. You could tease the reader a little with these; perhaps Sam could ask her a probing question about her private life, and she, could unwittingly disclose something which she later regrets. (This once happened to me in a session, and the therapist never quite recovered from it…)

I would really like to see more of a dichotomy between what a character thinks and what they do than is currently presented here. It’s a good narrative strategy and one which is at the heart of “quiet conflict” which I think this novel is ripe for.

I think the dialogue remains really strong and naturalistic in this piece and you should concentrate on this as a form of potential conflict. I love the relationship between Sam and Toby, and the universal themes implied by the sibling rivalry between Sam and Richard which is almost King Lear-like!

I also really liked the fact that the novel’s events are set against, and compared with, a sociological and political backdrop. It gives the piece a context, and widens its scope which deeply personal stories like this need in order to prevent them seeming too introspective. It also illuminates the theme, which, as I have said before, doesn’t seem to me to be Grief so much as Responsibility; the responsibility we have to ourselves, to eachother and to the world as a whole. Of course, denial is all part and parcel of responsibility, which is also a prevailing conceit in the novel.

Overall, Geoff, I think you are making good progress with the MS, and the overriding opinion of it seems to be that you have touched upon something deeply meaningful to a lot of people (myself included). Continue to bash away at it; it will come together.

With best wishes,

WW
A Small Death:
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38849/a-small-death/

LF40 REVIEW

[Please note that this is an abridged version of a full crit I did for NYCD and refers to a prevous draft. The present MS will be discussed in the LF40 salon this week]

Overview:

I think this is a largely successful portrayal of the effects of grief and its consequences as seen through the eyes of its male protagonist. The MS uses the conceit of therapy sessions, written abstracts, and memories in order to reveal its central concerns; these being the gradual unravelling of the MC’s marriage, relationship with his children and older sibling as a result of his father’s protracted death from cancer. The prose style is exceptionally strong in its almost forensic examination of the grief process. The level of detail is very powerful and especially commendable in its ability to see the importance of small things which then become metaphors for larger themes and emotions. In addition to adding layers of genuine interest to the MS, the self-assured prose style somehow manages to remain intimate without slipping into melodrama
.
However, the MS's main merits are also, obversely, the source of many of its problems, the main one being how to translate such a personal drama into something both accessible and dramatic for a third party reader. I think this is where the novel, as it stands, currently falls short. This in turn leads to problems with balance in structure, pacing and characterisation outside of the main protagonist. So strong is the central story of the novel that it sometimes threatens to overthrow all sense of otherness which could genuinely illuminate and enhance this central concern.



Structure:

The conceit of the therapy sessions/assignments as a form of narrative revelation is a strong idea but one which ultimately cheats the reader out of a sense of dramatic conflict. The biggest problem with the therapy sessions is that they provide a filter through which experiences can be related but not shown. In dramatic terms, this is the showing versus telling dilemma but interestingly, it is also a problem that is inherent in the therapeutic process itself. This in itself might be one avenue you could explore in the relationship the protagonist has with his therapist, but it would not prevent the problem it creates with the dilution of dramatic conflict as I perceive it at the moment. A further problem is created by the fact that the therapist is, by the very nature of her profession, not allowed to offer an opinion or judgement on the things that Sam tells her, therefore we are largely limited to her visual perceptions of him (as told through her interior digressions) and the very occasional comment.

My personal approach to this problem, without damaging the authorial intent or desire to use these sessions as a device, would be to intersperse them with the dramatization of the events which they depict and to counterbalance the truth of these against the truths set out in the written assignments/therapy sessions, etc. In this way, dramatic conflict could be shown in the disconnect between the two; ie. in the very human trait of acting one way and thinking/saying something else. Does this make sense? Similarly, the therapist’s responses could be conflicted in terms of what she thinks/feels and what she actually says to Sam in her capacity as his therapist. It makes sense that underneath their professional facades, therapists cannot help but filter the information they receive through their own experiences, biases and beliefs and using this would also give us a much clearer understanding of the therapist as a character.

Partly due to the weight given to the therapy sessions/assignments the MS feels slightly lopsided at present. In particular, the ending feels rushed and rather abrupt. I do think the ending could work as long as there was more of a balance throughout the book. For example, the first real dramatic jolt in the novel, after learning about Tom’s cancer, is the fact that Toby has also died. This was a genuine shock to me as I was reading the manuscript but it came so far into the story that it almost couldn’t help but be dispensed with rather quickly. For me this was a shame as there is such dramatic potential in the unravelling of this plotline that I could not understand why you held out for so long on its revelation.

Pacing:

The pacing of the novel is very patchy at present, feeling quite slow through the beginning and middle and then racing to an almost breathless conclusion. I think one of the secrets to pacing is to sow the seeds of dramatic questions early on in the novel, some of which can be answered pretty quickly (who is Helen, etc) and some of them which may take the whole course of the novel to answer (Will Sam find a way through his crises to some kind of peace with himself?) In this way you are constantly feeding the reader and rewarding their interest with revelation and insight.

I think the material is there at the moment but it needs to be configured differently. It does not mean adding more material but working with what you have, expanding it and squeezing it of its dramatic potential.

Conflict:

What I think you really need to think about are specific relationships within the novel that are absolutely ripe for conflict that can be shown outwardly. You already have some incidences: Sam versus Richard, Sam versus Libby, Sam versus Caryl and the kids, etc, but you don’t push them nearly far enough. We hear that Gabe and Jess feel isolated and pissed off with their father; we hear that Caryl doesn’t want Sam to move out of the family home and is worried about him but all of these are largely executed through the filter of Helen in the therapy sessions. Why can’t we see these little vignettes played out? When you do go for it, they are really successful. I am thinking of the sublime scene after Sam and Gabe go to the gym and they overhear the man’s pornographic phone conversation. The tenderness, the relief and the intimacy of their moment in the car afterwards and the sparseness of your language when evoking this moment is genuinely heart-stopping, but the fact that it is told in hindsight dulls it for me, removes the immediacy of the moment.

The conflict between Richard, Sam and their father is also something I don’t really get enough of directly. I understand that theirs is an ambivalent relationship, that Tom has always been rather emotionally retentive and inaccessible but I do not see enough of this dramatized in order for it to make me care enough. I want to see the struggle that Sam has trying to be a different father to his children; I want to sense his frustration that he is somehow turning into his father despite his best efforts. I want to see the sense of competition between Sam and Richard, and how this plays out to the ultimate sense of betrayal.

As it stands there is a lot of repeated expressions of conflict, just in different landscapes. Changing the setting does not make it a different conflict so I think you need to be aware of the tautology of some of your incidents and try and find ways, subtle or obvious, to mine the drama between all the characters whilst keeping a firm grip on the controlling idea.

Theme:

Is the theme of this novel grief? I don’t think so. I think it is Responsibility. Grief is simply a vehicle through which this theme comes to be recognised. It pervades the story of Helen’s professional relationship to Sam as well as every relationship Sam has with others in the novel, from the men he oversees professionally, to the wife and kids he has abandoned, to the love he experienced and then soured with Libby. It pervades the smaller plotlines of the nursing home, of what the political climate has done to the country, of the argument over private versus state education. All of these are to do with some level of responsibility, and ultimately it is what Sam needs to come to terms with in order for his recovery to proceed.

On a related note I thought the title of the book was interesting. I saw it as the title of a man who was definitely in denial about his own sense of choice and responsibilities in life. Whilst it is definitely true that death is something we can’t do anything about, we can choose the way in which we respond and deal with it; whether we walk that road alone at the expense of both relationships and ultimately sanity, or whether we choose to accept that there are people still alive on whom we depend and who depend on us. If this chimes with you as a thematic concern in the book then you need to bring it out more fully. I am thinking especially as it pertains to the death of Toby, the level of responsibility which both Richard attributes to Sam and Sam attributes to himself, and how these are addressed in the course of the book. Also, the sense of responsibility to one’s self, which is something that should/could be addressed in Sam’s relationship with Helen. And of course the whole father/son thing which permeates through the generations.

Characterisation:

It is hardly surprising that Sam is the most clearly realised of all the characters in the MS. His thoughts and observations are often beautifully expressed with an individual and engaging voice that it is not hard to spend time with. Other characters, however, tend to be cheated out of their dues because of this which sometimes tips into the territory of over-introspection.

For me, Gabe is perhaps the most successful of the secondary characters but certainly Caryl, Jess and Richard are still rather elusive in terms of who they are as people. Helen, too, starts off quite promisingly, but then seems to disappear. You tantalise us with information about her dead daughter, with the conflicts she feels about her profession and her ability to help others when she is clearly undergoing some kind of mid-life crisis herself, but these are never carried to fruition.

I was also fascinated by the relationship between the brothers and the rivalry for their father’s affection. Again, I feel that the answers are in your own head but somehow reach the page too subtly.

Libby is interesting, but I am not sure what her purpose is, either thematically or as a character. She seems to represent a particular time in Sam’s life but what this time represents is a little elusive. Is it a happier time? A time when Sam felt he had fewer responsibilities and therefore something he runs back to in his present? I like their meetings in the present; they are replete with promise and tension, but you don’t push the envelope enough. An example would be a scene where Sam tried to recapture an actual episode from their past, in his father’s empty house. The pathos of their ageing bodies, their complete lack of connection in the present and the realisation of that by both of them would be poignant. The awkwardness that you portray between them is halfway there, but not quite fulfilled. And that’s all it is: tweaks.

POV:

Personally speaking I don’t like third person omniscient. I think it removes the intimacy of a narrative and my connection with any one character at any one time. HOWEVER, I think given the alienation that both Sam and Helen appear to experience at the start of the novel, and the ironic lack of intimacy that therapy presents, its use is both clever and salient. The jumping around can be distracting so you need to ensure that when you do change to a definite limited third person you do this at appropriate breaks in the narrative to allow a reader to reorient himself with events. It is distracting and breaks the suspension of disbelief in a novel when you have to reread a sentence in order to work out whose head you are now in.

One thing that struck me was the idea that as Sam gradually becomes more reconnected with events the point of view could telescope into something more intimate. Not necessarily first person, but definitely not third person omniscient.

Language, Style and Tone:

There is a strong grasp of language in the novel and for much of the time it reads beautifully. You have a very fine eye for the small detail of life which somehow seems to transcend the petty and transform it into something universal and recognisable. I applaud it. There are, however, stylistic nit-picks which may or may not be just personal quirks but which I think attending to would strengthen your prose style even more.

I am not a huge fan of words like “seemed” and “appeared”. I do think they weaken a sentence.

Some of your sentences are long and complex which I have no problem with (and often use myself) but you need to be aware of run on sentences which have a disconnect that would be better served by a full stop or semi-colon.

Elsewhere I found the poetry device a little overused. It dilutes the effect of a point already made (that Sam is both a writer and fan of poetry) and at times spilled over into authorial self-consciousness. A smattering of references would be enough, I felt, or perhaps you could justify its use as a device to show an inherent conflict between characters. (Perhaps Sam’s father despises the sort of poetry Sam likes, or perhaps Toby uses poetry as a secret language with Sam that Richard is excluded from).

On the subject of Tone I think you need to be careful to modulate this more than it presently stands. I think it is important, not least for a subject matter as intimate and intense as this, to have some variation in pitch. It’s not only important for dramatic effect, but it’s important for the actual readability of the piece. Tone to my mind is both the intensity and volume of dialogue, etc, but also the emotion of a piece; how one part is dark, one humorous, one heartbreakingly sad, etc etc.

Setting:

I wanted to end on a note on the setting of the book. I absolutely felt that this worked throughout, almost without exception. Your feel for a place is extraordinary, both in its evocation of mood and landscape. And I thought that the variation of place was clever and added something to the novel. Just be sure that you do not rely on setting alone to justify the repetition of conflict which must also be multi-layered and in a slightly different form each time it appears. The settings of the novel are definitely a part of what makes this book interesting, but the conflict expressed within them must also change.

I hope that you find some of the comments of use and not too harshly expressed as that was never my intention. I wish you all the very very best for your future revisions.

WW

A Small Death
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38849/a-small-death/

LF40 REVIEW

[Please note that this is an abridged version of a full crit I did for NYCD and refers to a prevous draft. The present MS will be discussed in the LF40 salon this week]

Overview:

I think this is a largely successful portrayal of the effects of grief and its consequences as seen through the eyes of its male protagonist. The MS uses the conceit of therapy sessions, written abstracts, and memories in order to reveal its central concerns; these being the gradual unravelling of the MC’s marriage, relationship with his children and older sibling as a result of his father’s protracted death from cancer. The prose style is exceptionally strong in its almost forensic examination of the grief process. The level of detail is very powerful and especially commendable in its ability to see the importance of small things which then become metaphors for larger themes and emotions. In addition to adding layers of genuine interest to the MS, the self-assured prose style somehow manages to remain intimate without slipping into melodrama
.
However, the MS's main merits are also, obversely, the source of many of its problems, the main one being how to translate such a personal drama into something both accessible and dramatic for a third party reader. I think this is where the novel, as it stands, currently falls short. This in turn leads to problems with balance in structure, pacing and characterisation outside of the main protagonist. So strong is the central story of the novel that it sometimes threatens to overthrow all sense of otherness which could genuinely illuminate and enhance this central concern.



Structure:

The conceit of the therapy sessions/assignments as a form of narrative revelation is a strong idea but one which ultimately cheats the reader out of a sense of dramatic conflict. The biggest problem with the therapy sessions is that they provide a filter through which experiences can be related but not shown. In dramatic terms, this is the showing versus telling dilemma but interestingly, it is also a problem that is inherent in the therapeutic process itself. This in itself might be one avenue you could explore in the relationship the protagonist has with his therapist, but it would not prevent the problem it creates with the dilution of dramatic conflict as I perceive it at the moment. A further problem is created by the fact that the therapist is, by the very nature of her profession, not allowed to offer an opinion or judgement on the things that Sam tells her, therefore we are largely limited to her visual perceptions of him (as told through her interior digressions) and the very occasional comment.

My personal approach to this problem, without damaging the authorial intent or desire to use these sessions as a device, would be to intersperse them with the dramatization of the events which they depict and to counterbalance the truth of these against the truths set out in the written assignments/therapy sessions, etc. In this way, dramatic conflict could be shown in the disconnect between the two; ie. in the very human trait of acting one way and thinking/saying something else. Does this make sense? Similarly, the therapist’s responses could be conflicted in terms of what she thinks/feels and what she actually says to Sam in her capacity as his therapist. It makes sense that underneath their professional facades, therapists cannot help but filter the information they receive through their own experiences, biases and beliefs and using this would also give us a much clearer understanding of the therapist as a character.

Partly due to the weight given to the therapy sessions/assignments the MS feels slightly lopsided at present. In particular, the ending feels rushed and rather abrupt. I do think the ending could work as long as there was more of a balance throughout the book. For example, the first real dramatic jolt in the novel, after learning about Tom’s cancer, is the fact that Toby has also died. This was a genuine shock to me as I was reading the manuscript but it came so far into the story that it almost couldn’t help but be dispensed with rather quickly. For me this was a shame as there is such dramatic potential in the unravelling of this plotline that I could not understand why you held out for so long on its revelation.

Pacing:

The pacing of the novel is very patchy at present, feeling quite slow through the beginning and middle and then racing to an almost breathless conclusion. I think one of the secrets to pacing is to sow the seeds of dramatic questions early on in the novel, some of which can be answered pretty quickly (who is Helen, etc) and some of them which may take the whole course of the novel to answer (Will Sam find a way through his crises to some kind of peace with himself?) In this way you are constantly feeding the reader and rewarding their interest with revelation and insight.

I think the material is there at the moment but it needs to be configured differently. It does not mean adding more material but working with what you have, expanding it and squeezing it of its dramatic potential.

Conflict:

What I think you really need to think about are specific relationships within the novel that are absolutely ripe for conflict that can be shown outwardly. You already have some incidences: Sam versus Richard, Sam versus Libby, Sam versus Caryl and the kids, etc, but you don’t push them nearly far enough. We hear that Gabe and Jess feel isolated and pissed off with their father; we hear that Caryl doesn’t want Sam to move out of the family home and is worried about him but all of these are largely executed through the filter of Helen in the therapy sessions. Why can’t we see these little vignettes played out? When you do go for it, they are really successful. I am thinking of the sublime scene after Sam and Gabe go to the gym and they overhear the man’s pornographic phone conversation. The tenderness, the relief and the intimacy of their moment in the car afterwards and the sparseness of your language when evoking this moment is genuinely heart-stopping, but the fact that it is told in hindsight dulls it for me, removes the immediacy of the moment.

The conflict between Richard, Sam and their father is also something I don’t really get enough of directly. I understand that theirs is an ambivalent relationship, that Tom has always been rather emotionally retentive and inaccessible but I do not see enough of this dramatized in order for it to make me care enough. I want to see the struggle that Sam has trying to be a different father to his children; I want to sense his frustration that he is somehow turning into his father despite his best efforts. I want to see the sense of competition between Sam and Richard, and how this plays out to the ultimate sense of betrayal.

As it stands there is a lot of repeated expressions of conflict, just in different landscapes. Changing the setting does not make it a different conflict so I think you need to be aware of the tautology of some of your incidents and try and find ways, subtle or obvious, to mine the drama between all the characters whilst keeping a firm grip on the controlling idea.

Theme:

Is the theme of this novel grief? I don’t think so. I think it is Responsibility. Grief is simply a vehicle through which this theme comes to be recognised. It pervades the story of Helen’s professional relationship to Sam as well as every relationship Sam has with others in the novel, from the men he oversees professionally, to the wife and kids he has abandoned, to the love he experienced and then soured with Libby. It pervades the smaller plotlines of the nursing home, of what the political climate has done to the country, of the argument over private versus state education. All of these are to do with some level of responsibility, and ultimately it is what Sam needs to come to terms with in order for his recovery to proceed.

On a related note I thought the title of the book was interesting. I saw it as the title of a man who was definitely in denial about his own sense of choice and responsibilities in life. Whilst it is definitely true that death is something we can’t do anything about, we can choose the way in which we respond and deal with it; whether we walk that road alone at the expense of both relationships and ultimately sanity, or whether we choose to accept that there are people still alive on whom we depend and who depend on us. If this chimes with you as a thematic concern in the book then you need to bring it out more fully. I am thinking especially as it pertains to the death of Toby, the level of responsibility which both Richard attributes to Sam and Sam attributes to himself, and how these are addressed in the course of the book. Also, the sense of responsibility to one’s self, which is something that should/could be addressed in Sam’s relationship with Helen. And of course the whole father/son thing which permeates through the generations.

Characterisation:

It is hardly surprising that Sam is the most clearly realised of all the characters in the MS. His thoughts and observations are often beautifully expressed with an individual and engaging voice that it is not hard to spend time with. Other characters, however, tend to be cheated out of their dues because of this which sometimes tips into the territory of over-introspection.

For me, Gabe is perhaps the most successful of the secondary characters but certainly Caryl, Jess and Richard are still rather elusive in terms of who they are as people. Helen, too, starts off quite promisingly, but then seems to disappear. You tantalise us with information about her dead daughter, with the conflicts she feels about her profession and her ability to help others when she is clearly undergoing some kind of mid-life crisis herself, but these are never carried to fruition.

I was also fascinated by the relationship between the brothers and the rivalry for their father’s affection. Again, I feel that the answers are in your own head but somehow reach the page too subtly.

Libby is interesting, but I am not sure what her purpose is, either thematically or as a character. She seems to represent a particular time in Sam’s life but what this time represents is a little elusive. Is it a happier time? A time when Sam felt he had fewer responsibilities and therefore something he runs back to in his present? I like their meetings in the present; they are replete with promise and tension, but you don’t push the envelope enough. An example would be a scene where Sam tried to recapture an actual episode from their past, in his father’s empty house. The pathos of their ageing bodies, their complete lack of connection in the present and the realisation of that by both of them would be poignant. The awkwardness that you portray between them is halfway there, but not quite fulfilled. And that’s all it is: tweaks.

POV:

Personally speaking I don’t like third person omniscient. I think it removes the intimacy of a narrative and my connection with any one character at any one time. HOWEVER, I think given the alienation that both Sam and Helen appear to experience at the start of the novel, and the ironic lack of intimacy that therapy presents, its use is both clever and salient. The jumping around can be distracting so you need to ensure that when you do change to a definite limited third person you do this at appropriate breaks in the narrative to allow a reader to reorient himself with events. It is distracting and breaks the suspension of disbelief in a novel when you have to reread a sentence in order to work out whose head you are now in.

One thing that struck me was the idea that as Sam gradually becomes more reconnected with events the point of view could telescope into something more intimate. Not necessarily first person, but definitely not third person omniscient.

Language, Style and Tone:

There is a strong grasp of language in the novel and for much of the time it reads beautifully. You have a very fine eye for the small detail of life which somehow seems to transcend the petty and transform it into something universal and recognisable. I applaud it. There are, however, stylistic nit-picks which may or may not be just personal quirks but which I think attending to would strengthen your prose style even more.

I am not a huge fan of words like “seemed” and “appeared”. I do think they weaken a sentence.

Some of your sentences are long and complex which I have no problem with (and often use myself) but you need to be aware of run on sentences which have a disconnect that would be better served by a full stop or semi-colon.

Elsewhere I found the poetry device a little overused. It dilutes the effect of a point already made (that Sam is both a writer and fan of poetry) and at times spilled over into authorial self-consciousness. A smattering of references would be enough, I felt, or perhaps you could justify its use as a device to show an inherent conflict between characters. (Perhaps Sam’s father despises the sort of poetry Sam likes, or perhaps Toby uses poetry as a secret language with Sam that Richard is excluded from).

On the subject of Tone I think you need to be careful to modulate this more than it presently stands. I think it is important, not least for a subject matter as intimate and intense as this, to have some variation in pitch. It’s not only important for dramatic effect, but it’s important for the actual readability of the piece. Tone to my mind is both the intensity and volume of dialogue, etc, but also the emotion of a piece; how one part is dark, one humorous, one heartbreakingly sad, etc etc.

Setting:

I wanted to end on a note on the setting of the book. I absolutely felt that this worked throughout, almost without exception. Your feel for a place is extraordinary, both in its evocation of mood and landscape. And I thought that the variation of place was clever and added something to the novel. Just be sure that you do not rely on setting alone to justify the repetition of conflict which must also be multi-layered and in a slightly different form each time it appears. The settings of the novel are definitely a part of what makes this book interesting, but the conflict expressed within them must also change.

I hope that you find some of the comments of use and not too harshly expressed as that was never my intention. I wish you all the very very best for your future revisions.

WW

A Small Death
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38849/a-small-death/

doLF40 Review (pt 2)

The row when Gabe reads the Sam the shadowman's previous appalling attempts at literary pretension, is both key and marvelously inside out and absurd all at the same time, in what I read here as a twisted account of heritage and propriety by a family that is so entrenched it doesn't know right from wrong any more. This of course does not mean that all of the members of that familyn't know that difference, and it is how entrenched and how unchained each of the characters in this drama relate to each other that creates the dynamic here.

Absurdity is the other dynamic in abundance here. This dark absurdity shows itself in the subsequent conversation with Richard, where the conversation admits, yet also keeps out, the silent figure of Tom, for absent friends as it were, the conversation skirts around the unmentionable.Then the twisted heritage rears its ugly head clothed in money.The absurdity heightens with the arrival of the solicitors As the rain outside cries for the death of one that the rest of them can't do, outsourced tears, as Tom briefly comes back to grammar correct and let out a bit of the toxin within him. Richard also keeps mentioning the other unmentionable, money, in an increasingly envious voice, in middle class money isn't mentioned it's just assumed you have enough, what they call fur coat and no knickers in Edinburgh. But again this is the effect of things escaping from that long left dirt beneath the rug.

It gets even more absurd when Sam decides to fix Helen's toilet, and again we see the property as extension, from Sam's point of view, but he crosses a threshold from Helen's.

Richard is a gem of a twat of a character,shallow, envious, avaricious, all the nasty attributes one could hope to meet, which all come out even more as the death comes closer, then it turns out that Tom is shit too, though there has been earlier evidence pointing that way.

The key for Sam is to rehumanise his father and the projector helps in that job, but overall it seems to me that Sam is a real human being trapped amongst a whole lot of people who have been playing at it for too long, their pretensions and their extensions are all that's left.

Now it is obvious that Sam finds his way through this by writing, not through therapy, so I do question the need for the therapy angle as it seems to be more problematic than anything else, also losing Helen as a character is no great loss as the real story here is Sam and his relationships.

I like the Sam story, I don't think it needs the therapy side at all, in fact dropping that and creating another reason for these writings to come out, with maybe some topical attacks on middle class mores, such as social cuts and corporate incursions.

Overall there is a central story here with all the complexities, absurdities, and mix ups required to keep a reader satisfied, but a therapy side that in my opinion isn't required