The Daughter-in-law Society

Came across this gem and although the beginning is a little wordy as you suggest below, i like the feel of this story. Really nice read. well done.

Hi Patricia- was lovely to see your book here- have contributed stories to your website MIL hell before. I am sure this will be a bestseller!

Hi,
Thank you for reading my book. I love your title, Satan's Daughter Goes to Pittsburgh! I have added your book to my shelf and will give my comments shortly.

A nice piece with lots of attitude, which is central to the paranormal romance novel approach. Kidnapping the mother in law is exciting. I'd push that a bit up the charts, but the opening is solid. The longer sentences of dialogue mid-first page should be shortened and allowed to snap as well as the rest of the work. This would establish a better pacing when it is needed the most. We also have to wait a bit to realize what she is doing, so tear those opening pieces of dialogue up and clarify quicker. That's extremely picky advice. I personally think you have a winner here. Keep up the great work. Check out my tongue in cheek H if you get a chance. I'm tagging yours with a back

Thank you for your comments. I took your advice and cut back on the wordiness.

I also read your book, and like what I've read so far. Quite enjoyable.

Patricia

I agree that there's lots of attitude here but I think some of the dialogue is too long-winded to suit the occasion and the mood...just my opinion. Otherwise you write well and I'm sure this will get the recognition it deserves!
Cheers
Stewart

Thank you all for your comments. I apologize I haven't replied sooner. I took your advice and tooled around with the first few chapters of my book. I was indeed being a bit wordy! I am not going to upload the new version so please keep in mind that the changes are not reflected yet.

I will start reading your books as well.

Cheers,
Patricia

I agree that there's lots of attitude here but I think some of the dialogue is too long-winded to suit the occasion and the mood...just my opinion. Otherwise you write well and I'm sure this will get the recognition it deserves!
Cheers
Stewart

I agree that there's lots of attitude here but I think some of the dialogue is too long-winded to suit the occasion and the mood...just my opinion. Otherwise you write well and I'm sure this will get the recognition it deserves!
Cheers
Stewart

A nice piece with lots of attitude, which is central to the paranormal romance novel approach. Kidnapping the mother in law is exciting. I'd push that a bit up the charts, but the opening is solid. The longer sentences of dialogue mid-first page should be shortened and allowed to snap as well as the rest of the work. This would establish a better pacing when it is needed the most. We also have to wait a bit to realize what she is doing, so tear those opening pieces of dialogue up and clarify quicker. That's extremely picky advice. I personally think you have a winner here. Keep up the great work. Check out my tongue in cheek Satan's Daughter Goes to Pittsburgh if you get a chance. I'm tagging yours with a back

Talented writing and and intriguing storyline make this easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Hi Patricia, although I'm not a female reader, I enjoyed your story (so far) and found it a refreshing change from the usual Chick Lit.
Kat's voice is executed perfectly --loved her opening comment about her mother-in-law not owning her uterus. Snappy dialogue and A good hookline at the end of the first short chapter. Good luck with this. More please.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

I like this book. I can totally relate. Funny and well written. Backed. Lisa

Your writing is very natural and refreshing. And humorous too! Good job on this, I can't wait to read more.

Nikki B
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO DRAGON FIRE and:
WORMS

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline sprinkled with delicious humour, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Kat. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is fantastic! I hope I never have a MIL like yours, I'm so sorry. I thought my grandmother was horrible to my mother, yours takes the cake.

I would buy this book in a heartbeat! Wonderful and happily backed. What a great idea, the DILS, fantastic.

Denise

Dear PAtricia



I loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

Dear Patricia

I have your book and some others on my WL at present. just started readin and will comment in little while

Denise
The Letter

I agree with the info below. To gain your reputation is get your ranking going down until you reach the first top 5. I am so lucky to find your book and would like to support it. I have gone through the same problem too but, it never stops me from reading yours. I like your story.
Backed,
BP
I will appreciate your time if you back my book. We are here to support each other.

Dear Patricia, I love your wish-list for your mother-in-law. :) I have had 6 of them, so really understand. :) You are never good enough for their son - there was one exception who had compassion on me. :) You pitch prepared me to agree with you whole-heartedly on having a nice mother-in-law. :) Your tight dialogue & paragraphs made for a good read. :) Hope you'll write a lot of books. :) I've backed your book :) - hope you'll take a moment to back mine. :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."