Discovery

I usually have a difficult time reading science fiction on this site. It takes me time to understand the characters and the different world. Your opening chapter is brilliant. I wanted to read on. I think its your writing. I will read more and am putting this on my shelf for awhile. Good Luck. Sue

Genius. "I'm not a monster, you know." On my shelf just for that. This is such elegant, masterful stuff. It got me thinking, you know, we have outer-space noir heroes like Deckard, and outer-space cowboys like Han Solo, but has there ever really been an outer-space James Bond? WHAT an attractive character he is. I'll be back with more later. Who cares there are a few tiny copyediting quibbles, most of them a matter of taste; that stuff doesn't matter. This is SO promising commercially.

Hi Mike! This is just a splendid sci-fi thriller -- the pace is non-stop, the action hard, our hero smart and capable but wounded both psychologically and physically (worryingly so at the end of chapter 21), and the mystery abundant. Since the title is DISCOVERY, I'll start by talking about the MYSTERIES we have here (so people who haven't read the excerpt yet...please don't look at this paragraph!!!). Now, who wants to take out E9 and WHY is of course the main engine of the plot -- that's the reason that Stepping is called from his much-needed recuperation back into the thick of the game, and that's what, as the last standing E9, he has to figure out in order to, well, survive. And for his friends to survive -- Kalil has already been rendered collateral damage, in that beautiful drass-flying scene, and Vasily, who is not only the Protector but seems to be Stepping's last remaining family member and tie to the life he had before he became a "sewer rat," appears to be the ultimate object of the conspiracy. And THEN we find out that the guy who MAY be behind it is the one who MAY have been responsible for the deaths of Stepping's wife and son. Not even to mention the tense political situation between the Protectorate and Simias and Murfas. In short -- the stakes couldn't be much higher. BUT!!! We also have some background mysteries that add depth and interest (and I STRONGLY SUSPECT that they will come into play in the main plot at some point! Because you've been pretty careful with your world-building ;-) ...). That missing drone from Earth. Lost by accident? Heh heh...I'm not buying it. Especially not with this apparent intra-Protectorate complicity in the PLOT right now (and that I *am* buying). But most fascinating is the HUGE wild card of the technology and other stuff left behind the previous inhabitants of Orsino (a planet that has blithely switched allegiance from its former occupiers to its present ones ;-) ?). Even the stuff we can make work, in some partial way, we don't understand -- who knows what else is out there? And what the story is with those previous Orsinians anyway -- are they dead, have they "gone traveling," are they hanging around in some imperceptible condition or location??? No clue.

The moment when Kalil got his head blown off caught me by surprise; you'd set me up for a slower expository pace for the introduction, with the gentle, controlled drass-riding scene and Stepping's aggrieved foot-dragging, and then suddenly we were in the thick of things -- a neat trick! Frequently, in thrillers, when the protagonist is in the middle of one of these do-or-die situations, the sentences grow shorter and more focused -- the opposite happens with Stepping, and this has the interesting (and effective) result of letting us see both his hypervigilance and his focus at these junctures...as well as making him seem jumped-up RIGHT TO THE EDGE of being out of control!

Like Forson, Stepping still has a conscience, and plenty of one. It's not just that the "rule" is to minimize casualties that keeps him from killing the woman in the bathroom. And other people know this too -- it isn't just the sensible tactic of keeping a prisoner alive that makes Stepping move heaven and earth to make sure the wounded soldier reaches help (or what Stepping THOUGHT would be help, anyway). Turton chastises him for it, and Muster feels the need to give a rather lengthy preface before he lets Stepping see what really HAS happened with the prisoner. And that conscience gives Stepping a kind of naivete, despite his intelligence -- and makes him feel all the more at risk. As well as making me like him, even when he kills people ;-) . I was slow to figure out that S. was some kind of a (functional at least) aristocrat -- I'm not sure whether this is something that needs addressing or not. When he was being SO difficult with Muster at the beginning (even though he was within his rights), I thought it was a bit prissy for an elite intelligence agent (even though elites in ANY field frequently have that sniffy side ;-) ) -- only later did the penny drop that while Stepping THINKS of himself as a sewer rat, he's only partially one.

And now, I will get down-and-geeky on some minor points. There are plausible THEORETICAL reasons why Massingkey didn't use the thanator to hot-foot it back to the Protectorate, but if any of these were brought up directly, I missed 'em. Has Massingkey traveled too much already, so that it's dangerous for him? AND! Since it was so important that Massingkey's information get through, why didn't he phone at least PART of it through in advance? Presumably the info (of which we know only a small part) would have been more dangerous if intercepted than it would have been if it failed to arrive -- but Stepping is smart, and I'd expect him to be wondering CONSCIOUSLY about this angle. Now, as for air-cars -- I got some information AFTER the big chase scene about why these things don't have the sensible precaution of an engine that lets them switch to conventional power should they fall out of the corridor, but I was seriously wondering about the sloppy engineering of these people while the chase was going on! Obviously there is SOME kind of motive force that brings the air-cars into their chosen corridors; why isn't this force available when cars fall OUT? And why don't they all have some sort of gliding apparatus as a safety mechanism for unexpected landings -- crashes can't be THAT uncommon? (And Stepping seems singularly unimpressed with the gliding capability of his own car; why is the gliding capability so LAME? Do the cars just have to be ungodly heavy?) Plus, a gliding apparatus might conceivably allow a bumped car to steer into a lower power corridor. I know, I know, answering all these things would make for a DEADLY amount of exposition, but there might be some way to tangentially sneak in SOME of it! And for an EXTREMELY micro point -- Simian kept making me think, unavoidably, of simian. I don't know whether this is intentional or not ;-) .

Anyway, such are some initial thoughts! This is a fantastic adventure, and a book I'd snap up in a second in the store. Please let me know if you post any more of it -- and very best of luck!!!

Hi Mike, I bet you were thinking I'd never get back to Discovery! Sorry for the delay, but I needed somewhen I could devote a good solid half hour or so of my attention - and life was slow in delivering! Anyway... even though it was quite some while ago I first read this I found myself identifying improvements that you'd made and the opening couple of chapters really had more of a stamp of authoritative sci-fi fantasy about them - I couldn't say with any certainty excactly how much you've changed things, but there was a real impression of you having raised this another level. In Ch 2 there's a slight awkwardness of phrasing, where Kalil has been shot in error, 'thinking he was I'. That's the sort of phrase that jumps me out of the read. I'd recommend either losing it or substituting some alternative, where you can include 'mistaking him for me' or something that flows a bit more naturally. Moving on then. And you do - swiftly. The pace is great but not so fast that we miss out on a real sense of the world you've crafted here - great touches along the way, it's almost like being on a train ride and watching your created world flash past out the window. Love the 'Teddy Bear' line about guns at the end of Ch3. By Ch4 my only minor concern is that things have yet to settle down a bit. Perhaps I should call that a passing concern, because there's no real time to stop and be concerned. :-) You really know how to maintain the thriller credentials here, and even when I'm glad of the slight breather in Ch5 where things pass more from action to dialogue, it's a good pacey series of dialogue exchanges. There's a lot of 'checking' going on at the head of Ch5, so I'd look for some alternative wording there. But otherwise this is great, rip-roaring SF thriller stuff. I'll have to call it a halt here at the end of Ch5 for now with just one cautionary note: watch the rhythm. Make sure there are other breathers along the course of the ride. Too fast can be exhausting and in any case when your reader's been given a bit of a breather the fast-paced stuff hits all the harder when they're off and running again. So far I'm confident you're measuring things right, but it's something to be aware of as the story gallops on. Cheers.

Superb! This is one of the finest examples i've seen yet on Aty of showing, not telling. Ch 1 packs in some wonderful imagery, informing the reader of where, when, what and why without ever coming near to wordiness. Smooth flowing, yet full of action and surprises. Love the ending of Ch 2! Shelving this!

Sci Fi fanatics will surely enjoy. On my shelf.
Tom Balderston
The Woncer of Terra

this story had an original voice and I found it a pleasure to read. Your sentence/paragraoh structures give a great sense of immediacy. I don't think the title/cover do the story justice. A pleasure to read. I'm not usually a fan of Sci-Fi but I liked this read. Backed.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

You have the ability to create an incredibly rich atmosphere here, and you don't let that talent go to waste. There are the odd occasions where perhaps it gets a little wordy between actions, but it's just probably because I find it harder to read books from the screen and it would be a more pleasant experience on paper.
You really add a third dimension to this work by adding little details to the overall picture that makes it a wholly believable experience. I thought the line about struggling to peel and orange was an exceptional touch, adding a personality and humanity to the MC.
One last crit; there are occasional sentences that went on for too long without either a comma or a full stop. They made sense the second time through, but it detracted from the reading. They are good sentences, just marred by the punctuation holding them together. A quick read through easily picks these up.
Overall, I am definitely a fan, good plot and a future world that is easily understandable, thanks very much to the excellent writing. Sci fi can often (like fantasy) get too wayward to be considered commercial, and I think that this avoids that trap well. It has a 21st century appeal to it as well as a future one, without alienating either styles or genres. Good stuff.

Andrew

Hi Mike,

I found this to be very professionally written. I only stopped by for a peek and stayed for several chapters, so perhaps that says it all. Would have stayed longer too, but I'm out of time.

Love the tone and the way you structure your chapters - always with a little button at the end to draw people into reading more. Good stuff.

As to nitpicks: nothing really. You could tighten it just a tad in chapters one and three, but that's just my opinion.

Bookshelved.

Cheers,
Chris

Wow, Mike, this is brilliant! I read sci-fi and fantasy (a lot, as you can see from my favourites list) and this is right up there. I see you have some great comments below, so anything I say will sound lame, ha ha! I would love to see this in print.

Onto my revolving shelf.

Elaina
Gathering of Rain

It must be terribly difficult to imagine an alternative planet and ecosystem and relate that system to humans as we know them, their lives, their needs and their need for 'legends'. I say that because there are few who could accomplish anything so complex while maintaining a feeling that it is all quite as natural as the world we know and here you have done it with aplomb. I like this work. I believe it has commercial potential, Further I am going to echo Pete Morin's comment above. Well done! RT

Dear Mike,

Please remember me for a return read sometime.

Seeya,

Pierre.

Mike,
why did it take me so long to read this? I have no idea! You have a really good story here. I like the easy flow of story telling. I could visualize what you were talking about. Fantastic! Thoroughbread being a lizard! Hhahaah. You had me with no problem after that! Love your imagination!
I like the nic names. Fat Boy etc… noice hook at the end of ch 1.
Why do you have cough in parentheses? Hmmm, I would consider doing that differently. Looks weird.
And again at the end of chapter 2 … great line….”there are no good days to die.”
Chp 3 also full of action and good imagery.
I like it!
Gina

Dear Mike,

Discovery is now on my bookshelf. Had you on my watchlist for ages, but kept being sidetracked.

SF is not my cup of tea and I couldn't figure out what a drass was. A flying lizard?

Your writing goes fast.and is inviting to read. My only comment concerns passive verbs. You didn't have too many. They creep into my writing all the time and I reconstruct my sentences when I edit. Piece of cake.

Go well with your work.

Kind regards. Pierre.

I usually have a difficult time reading science fiction on this site. It takes me time to understand the characters and the different world. Your opening chapter is brilliant. I wanted to read on. I think its your writing. I will read more and am putting this on my shelf for awhile. Good Luck. Sue

At times I feel the story gets bogged down with description. You don't need to explain every detail, leave some to the imagination of the reader. I found myself skipping some of the explanations to get to the really action. When I did this I found a great story full of tension and intrigue. The first chapter didn't seem real to me though. Why would some of such power visit a spy rather than just have him brought to him? You have a great concept and a good writing style when you let it flow.

Masterful and involving. I am adding you to my bookshelf.

Ooh, i'm glad i got to this at last! It's very good. I haven't read many sci-fi/thrillers and it works very well. I took a few notes as i read:

Like the alien animal implied in the first paragraph
'(cough, cough).” He wheezed' – '(cough, cough),” he wheezed' ?
Good ending to first chapter

Chapter 2
'Terribly like that he' – 'terribly like he' ?

Chapter 3
'I moved in silence...' paragraph – cut up the epic sentence! Far too long.

I'm really enjoying this. I shall certainly be back to read the rest, though how soon, i'm not sure. In the meantime, i'm backing it!

On my bookshelf within ten lines. Now I'll carry on reading.

Dear Mike,

Have just seen Discovery for the first time, would you believe it. Now on my watchlist. Keep well. Pierre.

I thought I'd add something more, other than my last comment.

Just finished the first chapter, and am impressed with the overall pacing. I certainly connected with the protagonist.

Ummm, I found the coughing in brackets during the speech rather distracting...

Mike, I thought this was so strong that I put it on my shelf.
Sci-fi is a genre I don`t normally read, but this was immediately arresting.
I liked the first person narration, and the language fitted the atmosphere. Should be higher in the charts, methinks!

Thanks so much for your very useful feedback on Family Snap. Can`t believe I said Austin Martin! And, yes, I`ll include a make. I will, naturally, be looking at your novel too.
Cheers.

You've created a great main character here, Mike.
Because you're using first person we learn so much about him by the way he describes what's going on. The matter-of-fact way he states that Kalil's head is missing - he has no problem dealing with death yet he hates pistols! His nicknames for other characters - Stiff Leg, Fat Boy, Teddy Bear. Yes, Jonathan Stepping is an intriguing mc.
It's very well written, the pace is fast (short paragraphs help that) and tense situations you put JS in all indicate that you have an excellent thriller here.
Cheers!
Simon
ps. favourite line: 'There are no good days to die.'

Auberon Heron name stuff is confusing. Who's talking?

She reached to the ground to pull out the grapple - they're on the roof!!

silhoueteed against moonlit sky, but the moons are not out yet.

Grenades work on this world?

Genius. "I'm not a monster, you know." On my shelf just for that. This is such elegant, masterful stuff. It got me thinking, you know, we have outer-space noir heroes like Deckard, and outer-space cowboys like Han Solo, but has there ever really been an outer-space James Bond? WHAT an attractive character he is. I'll be back with more later. Who cares there are a few tiny copyediting quibbles, most of them a matter of taste; that stuff doesn't matter. This is SO promising commercially.

Hi Mike! This is just a splendid sci-fi thriller -- the pace is non-stop, the action hard, our hero smart and capable but wounded both psychologically and physically (worryingly so at the end of chapter 21), and the mystery abundant. Since the title is DISCOVERY, I'll start by talking about the MYSTERIES we have here (so people who haven't read the excerpt yet...please don't look at this paragraph!!!). Now, who wants to take out E9 and WHY is of course the main engine of the plot -- that's the reason that Stepping is called from his much-needed recuperation back into the thick of the game, and that's what, as the last standing E9, he has to figure out in order to, well, survive. And for his friends to survive -- Kalil has already been rendered collateral damage, in that beautiful drass-flying scene, and Vasily, who is not only the Protector but seems to be Stepping's last remaining family member and tie to the life he had before he became a "sewer rat," appears to be the ultimate object of the conspiracy. And THEN we find out that the guy who MAY be behind it is the one who MAY have been responsible for the deaths of Stepping's wife and son. Not even to mention the tense political situation between the Protectorate and Simias and Murfas. In short -- the stakes couldn't be much higher. BUT!!! We also have some background mysteries that add depth and interest (and I STRONGLY SUSPECT that they will come into play in the main plot at some point! Because you've been pretty careful with your world-building ;-) ...). That missing drone from Earth. Lost by accident? Heh heh...I'm not buying it. Especially not with this apparent intra-Protectorate complicity in the PLOT right now (and that I *am* buying). But most fascinating is the HUGE wild card of the technology and other stuff left behind the previous inhabitants of Orsino (a planet that has blithely switched allegiance from its former occupiers to its present ones ;-) ?). Even the stuff we can make work, in some partial way, we don't understand -- who knows what else is out there? And what the story is with those previous Orsinians anyway -- are they dead, have they "gone traveling," are they hanging around in some imperceptible condition or location??? No clue.

The moment when Kalil got his head blown off caught me by surprise; you'd set me up for a slower expository pace for the introduction, with the gentle, controlled drass-riding scene and Stepping's aggrieved foot-dragging, and then suddenly we were in the thick of things -- a neat trick! Frequently, in thrillers, when the protagonist is in the middle of one of these do-or-die situations, the sentences grow shorter and more focused -- the opposite happens with Stepping, and this has the interesting (and effective) result of letting us see both his hypervigilance and his focus at these junctures...as well as making him seem jumped-up RIGHT TO THE EDGE of being out of control!

Like Forson, Stepping still has a conscience, and plenty of one. It's not just that the "rule" is to minimize casualties that keeps him from killing the woman in the bathroom. And other people know this too -- it isn't just the sensible tactic of keeping a prisoner alive that makes Stepping move heaven and earth to make sure the wounded soldier reaches help (or what Stepping THOUGHT would be help, anyway). Turton chastises him for it, and Muster feels the need to give a rather lengthy preface before he lets Stepping see what really HAS happened with the prisoner. And that conscience gives Stepping a kind of naivete, despite his intelligence -- and makes him feel all the more at risk. As well as making me like him, even when he kills people ;-) . I was slow to figure out that S. was some kind of a (functional at least) aristocrat -- I'm not sure whether this is something that needs addressing or not. When he was being SO difficult with Muster at the beginning (even though he was within his rights), I thought it was a bit prissy for an elite intelligence agent (even though elites in ANY field frequently have that sniffy side ;-) ) -- only later did the penny drop that while Stepping THINKS of himself as a sewer rat, he's only partially one.

And now, I will get down-and-geeky on some minor points. There are plausible THEORETICAL reasons why Massingkey didn't use the thanator to hot-foot it back to the Protectorate, but if any of these were brought up directly, I missed 'em. Has Massingkey traveled too much already, so that it's dangerous for him? AND! Since it was so important that Massingkey's information get through, why didn't he phone at least PART of it through in advance? Presumably the info (of which we know only a small part) would have been more dangerous if intercepted than it would have been if it failed to arrive -- but Stepping is smart, and I'd expect him to be wondering CONSCIOUSLY about this angle. Now, as for air-cars -- I got some information AFTER the big chase scene about why these things don't have the sensible precaution of an engine that lets them switch to conventional power should they fall out of the corridor, but I was seriously wondering about the sloppy engineering of these people while the chase was going on! Obviously there is SOME kind of motive force that brings the air-cars into their chosen corridors; why isn't this force available when cars fall OUT? And why don't they all have some sort of gliding apparatus as a safety mechanism for unexpected landings -- crashes can't be THAT uncommon? (And Stepping seems singularly unimpressed with the gliding capability of his own car; why is the gliding capability so LAME? Do the cars just have to be ungodly heavy?) Plus, a gliding apparatus might conceivably allow a bumped car to steer into a lower power corridor. I know, I know, answering all these things would make for a DEADLY amount of exposition, but there might be some way to tangentially sneak in SOME of it! And for an EXTREMELY micro point -- Simian kept making me think, unavoidably, of simian. I don't know whether this is intentional or not ;-) .

Anyway, such are some initial thoughts! This is a fantastic adventure, and a book I'd snap up in a second in the store. Please let me know if you post any more of it -- and very best of luck!!!

Hi Mike, you have been on my watxhlist for a while - sorry its taken a while to get to you.
Here now, and straight into this. I'm not a thriller reader - funny how setting it in a different world makes it much more interesting for me. But that's a personal thing. Loving dragons is another.
Your opening para was effective in conveying a different world - touches like the protocol - minus1 plus 3 - effective and economical.
The sentence '...trying sometime soon to sleep a night through....' was excellent in showing how tense mc was and how much of a strain pevious mission must have been. / 'There are few rules...' is a great scene setter.
Loved the description of Kalil's flight, and the consequent impact of the shot.

This has grabbed my interest and i will be back to read more. quick slot on my bookshelf coming.
Margaret
Ps would appreciate you taking a look at my book (Munro's Choice) - comments welcome

Superb! This is one of the finest examples i've seen yet on Aty of showing, not telling. Ch 1 packs in some wonderful imagery, informing the reader of where, when, what and why without ever coming near to wordiness. Smooth flowing, yet full of action and surprises. Love the ending of Ch 2! Shelving this!

Hi Mike, I bet you were thinking I'd never get back to Discovery! Sorry for the delay, but I needed somewhen I could devote a good solid half hour or so of my attention - and life was slow in delivering! Anyway... even though it was quite some while ago I first read this I found myself identifying improvements that you'd made and the opening couple of chapters really had more of a stamp of authoritative sci-fi fantasy about them - I couldn't say with any certainty excactly how much you've changed things, but there was a real impression of you having raised this another level. In Ch 2 there's a slight awkwardness of phrasing, where Kalil has been shot in error, 'thinking he was I'. That's the sort of phrase that jumps me out of the read. I'd recommend either losing it or substituting some alternative, where you can include 'mistaking him for me' or something that flows a bit more naturally. Moving on then. And you do - swiftly. The pace is great but not so fast that we miss out on a real sense of the world you've crafted here - great touches along the way, it's almost like being on a train ride and watching your created world flash past out the window. Love the 'Teddy Bear' line about guns at the end of Ch3. By Ch4 my only minor concern is that things have yet to settle down a bit. Perhaps I should call that a passing concern, because there's no real time to stop and be concerned. :-) You really know how to maintain the thriller credentials here, and even when I'm glad of the slight breather in Ch5 where things pass more from action to dialogue, it's a good pacey series of dialogue exchanges. There's a lot of 'checking' going on at the head of Ch5, so I'd look for some alternative wording there. But otherwise this is great, rip-roaring SF thriller stuff. I'll have to call it a halt here at the end of Ch5 for now with just one cautionary note: watch the rhythm. Make sure there are other breathers along the course of the ride. Too fast can be exhausting and in any case when your reader's been given a bit of a breather the fast-paced stuff hits all the harder when they're off and running again. So far I'm confident you're measuring things right, but it's something to be aware of as the story gallops on. Cheers.

This has a nice nightmarish quality as the plot develops. I like the way you have alien artifacts in the society without trying to explain too much or all of them. I look forward to reading more.
Nancy

Mike, you took a look at my first chapter a few weeks back so I'm here to return the favour. Wow, a 24th century thiller! I was quickly drawn in to Jonathan's world and the intrigue of why the Secretariat can't do without him. As a minor point, I wonder if their persuasion could be tightened up a little? It's a dramatic end to ch 1 which pushed me to read on and get plunged straight into the action. You're getting a turn on my shelf, oh and where can I get a ride on one of those lizards?

Sorry it's taken a while to get back to you, I've been editing like crazy. Good luck with Discovery, you write very well.

Hi Mike,

Accomplished writing, a fast and well-told story (based on first two chapters). Sci-fi is out of my usual non-authonomy reading genre, but this is the best thriller writing I've come across on the site. Economical prose, well-paced, and the dialogue rings true. Well done indeed. I'll stick this on the shelf at some stage in the next week or so.

The only possible typos I came across were the inconsistent capitalisation of drass (might be intended, but I missed why), and uber-picky-bordering-wrong, the second sentence (For these four weeks of leave I have to answer to no one) is in the present tense, while everything else is past tense.

Great stuff, and I'll keep it on my 'to read further' list.

Cheers, Paul.

Not my genre, but passed it on to she who must be obeyed - 'er indoors. She would buy it. Enjoyed it.
I'm always interested in stories told in the first person, my novel The Charity is told in first person by three key characters, all different, it's a challenge separating them.
Good luck

Mike, I see we are authonomy twins! I recognise this, I have been here before. I can't see a comment so I'm guessing I stared reading one night then got tired and went to bed. I will be honest and say that this is completely out of my comfort zone. mind you, I once read a book called Schild's Ladder and anything has to be more familiar than that (good tho it is). this is where I wish it was on a printed page! however, I can appreciate that it's very good writing. I don't get Astor was panting, snapping its beak. if you name the animal I'm expecting his or her - unless of course it's neuter. the descriptions of the flight are superb and the writing style is very distinctive. I'm going to have to think about whether I can back something I don't fully understand. Ali.

Hello again Mike,

Sorry I’ve taken so long to get back with more comments. But truth to tell, I’ve been up to the eyeballs in stories to read. This has been great, lots of action, a well created alien world and interesting characters. It deserves to do well and I hope we will one day see it on the shelf at the local bookstore. Only gripe I’ve got is that some of the paragraphs in chapter 18 are awfully long, but you’ve probably had that pointed out already.
Well done. You’ve had a turn on my shelf and the only reason I moved you off is to back others coming up.

Regards,

I am new to authonomy and I hope all the stories I will read are as good as yours. You painted a realistic picture and your dialogue and style wasn't distracting. You have anchored the setting in a recognisable world, or at least familiar enough for it to feel something like home. As yet I have looked at only two chapters but I am looking forward to reading more. I am very happy to have you on my bookshelf.

This is proving to be a great mix of sci fi and thriller (note: I don't read thrillers, but I'm enjoying the pacing on this one). I love the wry comments, the number code etc.

Hi Mike,
You may have seen my thread a few days ago about taking my book down and clearing my shelf etc.
In any case, I realise I'll not have time to read the books that were already on my watchlist so, I've decided to shelve them in turn - I put them on my watchlist for a reason after all.

So, putting yours on my shelf today.

Best of luck here.
Siobhán

Hi Mike,
I try to read by genre each day and your tags came up. I'm so pleased thy did. This is such a screen-scroller and is certainly something I wish i had on paper so i could enjoy it fully. I think what i liked was that Discovery is unashamedly a thriller. I've read five chapters in a single highly enjoyable gulp and you have belted me through more action than most books manage in 500 pages. But none of it was flashy or gratuitous. I was once advised to list every scene and then link it to why it was necessary in my ms. I am sure you are a master at this and that, when I come back to finish the material posted here, i will see all the details interlinked and all the actions explained. It really is beautifully dtructured in the way it moves, offers detail and develops character through actions.
I also was so impressed with your settings- particularly the way in which you give us enough links to the known world (I set a sizable section on Chester station as I read) Sometimes i find that futuristic novels just give me too much detail but I think you have been much more subtle. though it is evident that you know everything about your world, you have the wisdom just to give the salient details. masterly.
Of course the language is great- that wonderfully laconic world-weary voice but also some wonderful phrasing. I particularly liked 'There are no good days to die' and 'An eager puppy, but Secretariat trained.'
I don't honestly feel equipped to make suggestions because this is bandbox immaculate. But I wondered how you dismount from a drass without getting squashed and i felt the time transition in chapter two was slightly abrupt.
This is certainly going on my revolving bookshelf.

Great start. I'm enthralled. Backing this one, and working to finish reading it.

Great start to this, Mike. Any reader of future fantasy would love it. The writing is superb, and sentence structure strong and the voice of the protag even stronger. The supporting Chars are well-drawn as well. Good luck with this - though you won't need luck. You'll do well. On my rotating shelf spot.
Dave

Hi Mike

Thanks for your comments on Ashes and I will look at the Kathy chapters - you may well be right about the punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, couldn't resist... thanks for the shelving, too.
And now to 'Discovery' - nice title and it was a good discovery for me. I asked for recommendaitons in a thread and cannot believe that no-one mentioned this. Will have to rectify that, myself. I have been judging books by their first 3 paras and yours are flawless - you draw us into a new world, make us ask who? Where? Why? This reads very well - flows nicely and we can visualise exactly what is happening, the discomfiture of the minions, the stubborness of Stepping etc. I like your use of language - 'humming like a taut cord' and 'His morals might have been atrocious but his language was the model of courtesy..' Nice. Good ending to the first chapter as well. Am reading on, but have shelved it based on what I have read so far - good luck

Frankie

Nice writing. I look forward to delving more deeply into it as time permits.

Hi Mike,

I must say that 'Discovery' is not my normal fare in books however, the beautiful thing about this place is the opportunity to read work outside one's norm. I'm up to the third chapter and enjoying this very much. You're writing is tight and as such I have no nits or crits to offer. The story is engaging and moves along well. I wish I had more to offer in terms of feedback, however, you've done a fine job!

Alice

Hi Mike
I wanted to read because i've had this on my watchlist for ages now! And then I saw your post in my thread, about going away on business. Whilst you're gone, I'll cover your back ok? Just let me know when you are away.
This is v.well written. Not really sure what I expected but I really like the crisp, lean writing voice, the slightly sardonic tone, the way you jump into the story. You've mastered the art of storytelling and capturing voice! It's a great read. I always love great writing!!!
Am gonna do a Richard PS and put you on my rotating shelf.
Hannah

Watchlisted, Mike. I'll look at it as soon as I can.

Pete -

Thank you very much: coming from the writer of the excellent Diary of a Small Fish, this is praise indeed. I only hope the rest of the book continues to meet your expectations.
Mike
PS You got me to go to the dictionary as well: 'Precipitately' is accurate - although 'precipitously' would do just as well....

Hi Mike,

Wow, you read all six chapters? Wherever do you find the time? I'm flattered. Thank you. I've added you to my watchlist and why not? Spies, sci-fi, war...it's got a little of everything I like. I'll leave you comments when I've finished reading.

Thanks again,

Alice

Mike,

Many thanks for the useful observations on Domingo. That's why it's up on this site. I'll take a look, especially at the accents. I too hate accents getting in the way of writing.
Jack

hello Mike,

Half way through reading this and I am fascinated. Great! Hope it keeps rising.

Hi Mike - thanks for coming back to Punchline. The beginning was always my area of greatest concern, and as attached as I was to that first chapter, it always carried a risk of deterring agents & publishers with its 'writer' emphasis. It's good to get feedback on big changes like this.

I'll try to get to Discovery as soon as I can.

Cheers, Paul.

Greta -

Thanks for the feedback - I really am pleased you thought it a 'damn good read' - that, more than anything, is my goal. Thanks also for your thoughts on chapter 1 - I'll be looking at it again to see how I can make it better.

Mike