The Wilder Side of Chaos.

Hi Pedro,

I've taken a look at your work, and I have some suggestions.

I think there's quite a bit of "overwriting." For example, you don't need the sentence about the deep, impenetrable night, which you've already described. Ditto, a sky so magnamous (word choice?)...humbling experience. More of the same in the second and third paragraphs, and actually throughout.

Another example of an odd word choice: psychological gesture. I found a couple of grammatical errors ;it's should be its, and they should be lying, no laying together.

I'm a big believer in the writer's maxim "show, don't tell," and I found quite a bit if "telling," Instead of the bland statement :she shared his perspective, show us that with an example, something like "He loved to pass on his favorite books to her, which they'd then dissect together. At the movies, they invariably laughed in the same places."

Good luck with your work.

Andi

Pedro, I have already read two chapters and I am enjoying your book. Do you have a brief biography? I would like to know where you are from and a little bit about your life.
Cheers
Orsen

Pedro, Nice first chapter. Word of advice - it may be regarded as polite to answer at least some of the plaudits you are receiving from other members on this site, unless, of course, you are on one big ego trip. You mention in your profile: 'Your kind words and positive reaction make this struggle worthwhile.' You poor lamb.
How about making all our struggles worthwhile by interacting and giving feedback to your many 'underlings' that take the time to applaud your work. You appear to have another struggle with 'its' and 'it's'. I'll help you out - IT'S a shame you are not a little more giving. I won't even bother to mention the name of my book for obvious reasons. Sully.

I've read it all. It's brilliant, I'd buy the book. You're obviously a master plotter, with so many twists handled so expertly, even flashbacks within flashbacks. The characters are thoroughly alive and believable, the dialogue is convincing and the narrative has a lyrical quality in places that really appealed to me.

I have couple of questions. Nat was shot in the church but it wasn't referred to again. Was he wearing body armour too? If so, he should probably take it off at some point.

Lennie's meeting with Angelini in Neufchatel was a bit suss, and was never explained.

The French phrases didn't bother me, but I suspect some people might find them frustrating.

My only other query would be the end. Obviously I'd like it to work out differently, but that aside, I wonder if it would have more impact if was simpler. Stark, even. Just a thought.

Six stars, and will be on my shelf when I make space.

Paragraph 1. "It's" = it is, so you'll be meaning "its" in this context. Minor niggle perhaps but one that would stop a potential agent in their tracks, given it suggests clumsy grammar or slapdash typing. Or both...

Paragraph 1. "It's" = it is, so you'll be meaning "its" in this context. Minor niggle perhaps but one that would stop a potential agent in their tracks, given it suggests clumsy grammar or slapdash typing. Or both...

This is so creatively written and had me guessing from one moment to the next "what's up?" I love the unpredictability of this. You are so amazingly talented and in a way poetic. I think I have to read this again so that I can get all the strings that tie it together.
So here I go. =)


Blessings,
Laura A. Diaz
"They Call Me Blanca"

Wilder Side of Chaos
Certainly didn't expect the early death of a potential hero and was ready to chastise you for not working it through her eyes - a female you never named, by the way. Then the second chapter put me into another place and I settled into the mystery, which is richly paced with good dialogue and description. But if we're talking about the first chapter, just a suggestion, eliminate the second sentence as redundant; (nitpik, "a sky so ...., it's should be its). Then trash the second paragraph just because I don't think it's needed. The rest is prime. Good luck.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Hi Pedro

Great pitch - design, glamour, what's not to like? Then you throw the reader off balance by opening on a Kenyan camping trip and killing off your hero in a mysterious fashion. You just have to keep reading to find out what's going on. Very proficiently done, with living gritty characters. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

THE WILDER SIDE OF CHAOS- Pedro Ruiz
hullo Pedro. The way in which you have put together this first chapter to lead the reader into the wilderness is very good. Nice hook into the following chapters, Very good.Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Hi,
I’d be more than happy to back your book if you’ll take the time to check out my work. Thanks
Gefordson

Nothing You can do.

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Nat. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your thriller a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Well done. The pace is excellent. Nat is a sympathetic character. You have written a great thriller.

The Wilder Side of Chaos.

Pedro Ruiz

Interesting title - I wouldn't have thought chaos had a wilder side so now I am thinking in terms of relativity and so you have the grey matter working hard - unless you meant to use them as a tautology? Chapter one is beautifully written - reads like very good literary fiction as a matter of fact. "Life was for living" - indeed, your writing is alive as are your characters. I am enjoying this very much. I must say though because your talent as a storyteller is so obvious, and this writing is simply rich, admirable - perhaps the kind which makes poorer writers envious even, that your long pitch does you no favours in recommending this hugely satisfying piece. Humbly, I am thinking it would be great if you could improve on that pitch which would sell this easily to your audience as it deserves to be - to make "the kind of mark only a needle could make." Beautiful. Looking forward to seeing this rising in the ranks Pedro.

I have spent nights like that under an African sky and can testify to the accuracy of your description...it evokes wonderful memories that I am lucky enough to be alive to recall. No issues here...plain honest-to-God good writing...impossible to miss!
Good luck
Stewart

Dear Pedro Ruiz,

Your writing kicked me in the pants.

I don’t want to write more or I’ll ruin it, but I did read through to the end of The Wilder Side of Chaos.

Never trust a man named Pinkerton, Butterfly.

Backed and best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School
(“where chaos cannot not be tamed”)

A lovely style of writing, never tried wine in an enamel mug but in the circumstances I would think it worked. I like your story and the characters, the pin mark behind the ear intrigued. The writing is beautifully expressed and the pages keep turning, I think this should do well.

Backed,

Lisa

Okay, I'll be straight with you, the only reason I read this was because I once bought a ham from a guy called Ruiz but I'm glad I did. There are so many twists and turns I think I got whiplash. This should be a movie. This would be a very good movie. I am happy to make this the first book on my shelf.

Dear Pedro



I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. very well crafted and totally original, which is refreshing. Animated and quite addictive really. I feel strongly to back your book now. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more


Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Talented writing and and intriguing storyline make this easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

You have a rare gift of thoroughly creating a world that the reader wants to get sucked into. You are descriptive, your writing flows so smoothly that I was at the end of the first chapter before I even realized it. I am backing this and will return to it when I have more time to read the rest. Well done!

If you have a chance, I would appreciate it if you could take a peek at my novel, Princess. I would appreciate any input and/or backing that you would like to offer.

Warm regards,

Cori
"Princess"

Impossible to put down. This is a page-turner in every sense of the words and simply has to be seen by a wider audience. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Dear Pedro, I love the intrigue of your last chapter :) - what an ending - tragic! What a write! :) Your pitch enticed me to read & your tight paragraphs & dialogue kept me reading. :) I couldn't believe Jacky or Nat - what a pair. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Great title. Sounds much like my life including the inky night. I loved the description of both the man and woman counting their blessings in finding each other. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that will not last. Your pitch pretty much makes that clear. I'm glad you uploaded the complete test so that I can come back and read more when I get a little time. "They held each other, laying perfectly still, completely motionless, and within minutes they were asleep. Her head on his chest, her being safe in his encircling arms." Nice but not so nice since she wakes in the arms of a dead man. Backed for now.

Great work Pedro
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Welcome to Authonomy! This is an impressive piece of writing, wonderfully descriptive, strong character development and filled with intrigue. This is definitely one of those books that will rapidly rise through the ranks on here. Well Done. Backed.