Book Jacket

 

rank 1074
word count 18406
date submitted 11.09.2010
date updated 15.02.2011
genres: Fantasy, Comedy, Erotica
classification: universal
incomplete

Palingale

Heroine

A girl, a sword, an ax... and lots of sex: Do you really need any more of a pitch than that?!

 

SEX & SORCERY.

The world of Palingale introduces the adventurous reader to Heroin, the Aeon Flux of Sword and Sorcery. With the exception of two chapters there is intentionally no continuity. Instead, the reader is offered the opportunity to explore a series of short (and, sometimes, slightly longer; and, sometimes, even shorter) snapshots. The author has stated (elsewhere, and to non-Authonomists) that this plot ambiguity and disregard for continuity are meant as a satire of mainstream S&S fantasy fiction, and that his stories often emphasize the futility of violence and the dangers of sexual immorality.
Palingale is a fictitious realm lying some two stone throws from Rohan and a hop and a jump from Martin.
Come, my friends, and join the laugh-in.

“Give a young girl two swords and a short dress and she'll give two-hundred men an erection,” the mage of Eastwick stated with authority. “Young men. Middle-aged men. Old men.”
“Why is that, do you think?” Heroin inquired of her mentor, Marlin of Marylebone, a silver-haired seer and soothsayer of seventy years and seven.
“'Tis a man thing,” he replied.

More chapters arriving daily. H'm, well, perhaps not daily, but, you get the picture.

 
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59 comments

 

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meemers wrote 612 days ago

I must say, this is very well written. I love the flowing dialogue, colorful characters and oh-my, just great imagination. This will go far for you.

All the best
backed
Sue
Fate's Chastening

Sly80 wrote 602 days ago

Everything that is best and everything that is worst about fantasy, all rolled up into one pert little bundle. The puns and innuendos are merciless, as are the metaphors, and the lectures on biodiversity and environmentalism. Who needs a plot when there's paronomasia, assonance and onomatopoeia?

'I've been keeping an eye out for you' ... That deserves to be mounted.

Elsie W wrote 585 days ago

There's a fab undercurrent of humour here, it's a great idea and a fab read. Happy to back this!
Elsie
The Ultimate Choice

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 620 days ago

Gadzooks! this is different. I wasn't sure at first because 'Ye Olde English' made it rather heavy going for me but then the subtleties began to register. There is a real intelligence behind this, a true parody has to show a thorough knowledge of he subject and it is all here. Knights Templar and pommels blended with 'Aramis, Brut and Old Spice'
Then we have "Her screams filled the knight as the knights filled her." Intelligent comedy wins hands down. My only nit-pick was the "Shadows crawling across the yorkstone bedroom floor." Most people would assume the bedroom to be upstairs and yorkstone would be very heavy (Perhaps that's why the earth moved so often). Great stuff, well done. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

mongoose wrote 620 days ago

*snort* backed with a broad grin.

Joshua Jacobs wrote 313 days ago

I like the short, to-the-point prologue. It's adds a nice touch of voice. I would recommend, though, eliminating two of the three uses of "occurrence" to avoid repetition, unless this is intentional satire.

My first impression of this as I started to read chapter one was how good of a writer you are. Your sentences flow well together and your word choice is vividly descriptive. You also do a good job with the dialogue. The language feels authentic for what you're going for.

You also do a great job of immediately creating an independent woman who readers will be able to latch on to. Heroin is quick-witted and unique. There's some great characterization in this opening chapter.

I also love the humor sprinkled throughout this. I laughed out loud when I read "Nerlim's pride began to swell." The frisky, talking mouse? "Give us a snog. You never know, I might turn into a prince." Nice. He's definitely my favorite character so far.

Your use of language is also very effective. At times the way you play with your words sounds almost Shakespearian.

Suggestions: When she sees the mouse, it would be helpful to write the mouse into the narrative since we're in Heroin's head. As is, it seems like she's squealing for no reason, which in a novel like this, could be for any number of reasons. Show us what she sees. Though the pitch states that there is no intended continuity to this story, I wonder if your book would be more effective if there was. Just a thought.

So far, I love what I've read. This is hilarious, well-written, and different than anything I've ever read. If you're looking for a fun read, check this one out! Highly rated. Good work!

Becca wrote 411 days ago

Once bitten, twice shy.

d_alan_kemp wrote 556 days ago

Glad i stumbled across this one! Extremely funny --- love the heroine, Heroine. Starred and backed... thanks for the read!

dave.

Elsie W wrote 585 days ago

There's a fab undercurrent of humour here, it's a great idea and a fab read. Happy to back this!
Elsie
The Ultimate Choice

billy.mcbride wrote 589 days ago

Dear Heroine,

Hi. I enjoyed getting the chance to read the book. I want you to feel happy to have another who loves to read as its backer. Many books excite my imagination, and I will read every chance I get. There seems to be no end to the levels of thought a good book may bring once its ingested. I read you book and wanted to tell you this.

Have a Nice Evening,

Billy McBride

Freeman wrote 591 days ago

Chapter 11
Wow I have four children and I can’t imagine someone having 200. I liked the comment ‘ragged, charcoal wings of the crows’
This is well written with lots of twists and turns and a little sex thrown in for good measure. Happy to back it.

Tony
Life Bringer

Heroine wrote 592 days ago

#@## OFF! Of course there's literary merit, you #@##@## #@##@#!!!

I's studded Janet and John vigerasly.

#@##!!!!!!!

Ariom Dahl wrote 593 days ago

Heh, I chuckled at the pitches, both long and short. So glad this is not meant to be taken seriously .. but it IS fun. I’m not sure there’s a great deal of literary merit in it, but it amused me. Therefore shelved. And oh yes, I echo Sly’s comment.

NMott wrote 597 days ago

Lol! Although incomplete there's loads of potential here. I was going to back it, but I see it's just a collection of stories, rather than a proper novel so I'll just put it on my watchlist for now and hope you work it up into a proper mss in due course.
All the best,
NaomiM

Sly80 wrote 602 days ago

Everything that is best and everything that is worst about fantasy, all rolled up into one pert little bundle. The puns and innuendos are merciless, as are the metaphors, and the lectures on biodiversity and environmentalism. Who needs a plot when there's paronomasia, assonance and onomatopoeia?

'I've been keeping an eye out for you' ... That deserves to be mounted.

Tim Hawken wrote 603 days ago

'Tis a man thing'

This is like a funny porno.....well written with a voice that jumps across the page. I'll be back for more fun.

Tim H
Hellbound

homewriter wrote 607 days ago

I absolutely loved it. Could'nt stop reading! I liked your writing style with plenty of sex but still leaving plenty to the imagination - more of a tease really. An alluring lady hero! I'll keep you on my WL for later further indulgence! Backed, Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Linda Lou wrote 607 days ago

PALINGALE -Heroine
hullo Heroine. such writing is not my genre but it would defininately appeal to others.Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Rhiannon65 wrote 609 days ago

This is a really fun book Heroine. I'm glad I backed it. Your heroine is a sassy, vibrant and sexy lady. You have a great sense of humor.

Francine

Su Dan wrote 610 days ago

this an original fantasy tale. your writing is effective, and does the job- on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

MillieC wrote 611 days ago

Hmn. It took me til the end of chapter 9 to understand your thought processes, and your sense of humour. But I think I have managed it. This is the kind of story that lends itself to comic strip, I could just see the heroine prancing about, long legged and full busted. Although this is not at all my type of thing I can appreciate that it must appeal to the genre you are aiming it at. Good luck with it.
Millie C

Green H wrote 611 days ago

well written. always been a fan of woman heroes, (she hulk and wonderwoman being my two favourites of course), and she certainly fits the part very well. I will continue to read when can and comment some more
green h - through green's eyes

meemers wrote 612 days ago

I must say, this is very well written. I love the flowing dialogue, colorful characters and oh-my, just great imagination. This will go far for you.

All the best
backed
Sue
Fate's Chastening

ccb1 wrote 615 days ago

Backed Palingale. Your pitch is definitely the hook! We enjoyed your smut. Good Luck.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 615 days ago

I love this and I could see this doing very well. My only suggestion (and this may be just personal taste) is to pull back just a bit on adverbs and adjectives. It felt a bit overdone, and again, I stress that that could be just me. You've got a good read going here.

Lockjaw

Jim Darcy wrote 615 days ago
CarolinaAl wrote 615 days ago

Fantastic. A potent satire of the fantasy genre. Quirky characters. Outrageous dialogue. Zany narrative. Well imagined. Excellent pacing. Wierd twists. Hysterical wit. Superb writing. An immensely enjoyable read. Backed.

Christian Piatt wrote 615 days ago

Best of luck with your book. BACKED.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Lynne Ellison wrote 616 days ago

hilarious send-up of the fantasy genre

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze MIrror

missyfleming_22 wrote 616 days ago

This was awesome, and yes, I said awesome (embarassing, I know). It's well written and very imaginative. I like the narrative voice in this, it's totally different and I like that. You've got a wonderful mixture here, it probably shouldn't work but it really does! I enjoyed it.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Euphemus wrote 616 days ago

Like it and backed it.
Euphemus (Flawless Murder)

Glenn_Johnstone wrote 616 days ago

Yup - witty and different - so much so I have to back this!

Good luck - Glenn (Darkling Child)

Heroine wrote 617 days ago

Star777 wrote 6 hours ago [reply] [delete]

Dear Heroine,
A few days ago I backed your book. I am supporting a book which is on my shelf called 'Nightmare Along the River Nile' by Suzanna Nelson. If you like the book and decide it, please let her know since she is the one who asked me to support your book after she read it. Feel free to read her profile first.
Star

view all messages between me and Star777

“If you like the book and decide it…"
It, what?

Not only is your message gobbledegook it is also inane. If she is the one who “read it” why did she ask you to support it?
Is she backing averse? Or are you a puppet?
I have no intention of backing your friend of a friend of a friend; even if it is just an imaginary friend! Lol!!

DMR wrote 617 days ago

Of course with a hook like ' a girl, a sword, an axe... and lots of sex' who isn't going to be interested in taking a peek?! love the humour, the insouciant heroine, and the original plot - I think this would appeal to a wide range of readers for its sheer frolickingness (I just made that word up - but you know what I mean) - Backed !
Diane
Good Blood

Jan wrote 617 days ago

I was born on a farm called Pallinghurst... has to be good :-)

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 618 days ago

It's certainly different...I can't make up my mind whether you deliberately switch backwards and forwards from old English to contemporary idiom or it's just the way you write. Whichever be the case, I found myself struggling to determine the time and setting of your story and feel it would help to promote your tale if this kind of ambiguity were removed. Lots of promise here ...
Best wishes
Stewart

Barry Wenlock wrote 618 days ago

Hi Heroine, I really liked this. Brilliantly original. Incredibly funny and very clever. Kudos.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 618 days ago

Dear Heroine,
I read your opening chapter and found it quite amusing and witty. Your cover is dramatic, love the color! Your writing is quirky and interesting. What more could a reader ask for?

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

zan wrote 618 days ago

Palingale

Heroine

There would no doubt be an audience for this. Not my usual read but I think the act of sitting down and writing in itself, which to me is such an active as opposed to passive thing, deserves my praise. Interesting stuff too. "Crikey" It's a bit warm in here!" Warm indeed! All the best in finding a publisher.

Andrew Burans wrote 618 days ago

You have written a very interesting, satiracle, erotic and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Heroin. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Wilma1 wrote 619 days ago

Erotica & Comedy, are two of my favourite genre tags. LOL. Seriously this is as original premise as I’ve seen, and right up my street. But I do think you might want to consider who you are writing for. I personally have no problem with the ‘erection of 200 men’ but a lot of readers will read no further. Your shout of course !

Heroin is quite a girl. I felt grounded immediately and felt her strength. I also felt you did a good job of maintaining the period language, not slipping into modern day prose. Sometimes here on the site I come across occasions when the writer adds in the odd word which is out of context and period, you haven’t.

I wasn’t sure about Eeeeeeeek ! ... I would just use dialogue with extra exclamation marks for effect, but that it just my view.

A great morning read. Best of luck with it.

Wilma1 - Knowing Liam Riley - I hope you like it

J.S.Watts wrote 619 days ago

I read this with a wry smile on my face, which is good, but not quite as good as the broad grin which plastered my face while reading the pitch. Not quite sure where the difference lay. I think the pitch was tighter and more highly polished, making the main text seem that tiny bit flaccid in comparison. Still, a bit of vigorous editing and I'm sure the whole edifice will stand gloriously proud.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

the other A wrote 619 days ago

I had high hopes for this and I wanted to enjoy it. I read all of it except for the twelve passages or chapters that are repeated in their entirety in Ch13, which was disappointing. There are moments of cleverness. Moments of promise. Even moments which threaten to go somewhere, but don't. Best of luck with it. Cheers

Herschel Shirley wrote 619 days ago

Backed.

lisawb wrote 619 days ago

You certainly know how to lay the hooks! This is very different to the average read and quite witty. Some of it shocked, yet the clever humour and the descriptions did make me laugh. Amusing and intelligent.

Backed,

Lisa

J.S.Watts wrote 619 days ago

Just had to say, I am hooked by the pitch. It's on my watchlist and I am looking forward to a proper read shortly.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

celticwriter wrote 620 days ago

:-) Okay, you owned me by the time I reached the last line of your pitch. Fun read. I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter who enjoys a good journey.

sincerely,
jim
jack & charmian london

fh wrote 620 days ago

PALINGALE
This is different indeed! Amusing and intelligent with great characters. I love the name heroin for starters and your pitch is perfect for grabbing the readers attention.Backed!
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

name falied moderation wrote 620 days ago

Dear Heroine


I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art of yours. I loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha!

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

KW wrote 620 days ago

A little Heroin addiction, eh? Short skirt and two swords. "Teach well, old man, and you shall be rewarded in such ways as you could only dream." What a sexy line. Shortly after, she gets it on with the old druid then a mouse wants in on the action. Then comes the Knight Templars: "this was the time and the place when her screams filled the night; and that the knights filled her." There is a little bit of a Canterbury Tales feel to your writing. It's erotic with subtle puns thrown in throughout. I'm enjoying this and will be back to read more. Backed for now. "One jumbo, fat-arsed, porker priest meal coming up. Would you like friars with that?"

SusieGulick wrote 620 days ago

Dear Heroine, "Tectonic plates" was the best part of your book. :) I was amazed at short some of your chapters were. :) Nice crisp dialogue & paragraphs made for a fast read. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

lizjrnm wrote 620 days ago

Excellent storyline and talented writing make this easy to back!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

eurodan49 wrote 620 days ago

Good job, interesting read. Watch some expressions and that changing POV.
Backed

Despinas1 wrote 620 days ago

Great work
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

stoatsnest wrote 620 days ago

Very funny.

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