Book Jacket

 

rank 5336
word count 11898
date submitted 03.10.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: universal
incomplete

The Path Into Darkness

Stephen Coursen

The Path Into Darkness is an urban fantasy novel about magic, family secrets, and cursed destiny.

 

Mark Roberts is a nervous, anxious office worker living a mundane existence in New York City. But when he becomes beset by recurrent nightmares and hallucinations of magical rituals, he tries to learn what is happening to his once-normal life. His search for answers takes him from his home in Manhattan to the long-time family home in Massachusetts, before he learns that his fate is intertwined with a ruined tower in the highlands of Scotland.

Along the way, he discovers his own recently developed aptitude for magic is tied directly to a cycle of reincarnation that puts him in the center of a centuries old battle for possession of his restless soul. As he is initiated into the secret world of magic and sorcery, Mark discovers that there is no such thing as simple coincidence and that hidden hands pull at the strings of his life.

 
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tags

destiny, family curse, fantasy, urban fantasy

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6 comments

 

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Rian wrote 1023 days ago

Hi Stephen

I read through your first chapter. The spiders really creeped me out. If I had a dream like that, I drink coffe for the rest of the night.

Our stories have something in common with the MC's worrying about sanity and seeing "hallucinations."
You did a good job of setting an eerie tone.

The only advice I have is something I've given several good books on this sight.

Torpedo the word "was" where ever you possibly can.Unless it's used to show past tense (as in, he was at the library last) Saturday it makes sentences passive.

Example

Everything was shrouded in shadows...

change to-

With everything shrouded in shadows...

This doesn't seem to make a huge difference in this case, but as you change other sentences, you'll see how it improves the sound.

Popping this on my shelf,

Rian

maza wrote 1105 days ago

Stephen,

I'v had you on my watchlist forever but I've managed to read your first two chapters and I'm backing it. Well done and good luck for the future.

scoursen wrote 1204 days ago

Thanks. I'm spending my time making changes to it, and working on some other projects as well. I'll be uploading more of it in the next few days to week.

maza wrote 1204 days ago

Hi Stephen,

This isn't my usual type of book but I seen your plug and am going to give it a read!!! I've added you to my watchlist.
Ma

SJ wrote 1217 days ago

There are a few repeated words every now and again that jar, and some redundant words that need clipping, such as: ‘Wiping the steam fog from the mirror’. You only need ‘steam’ really.

‘And no spiders, let along their webbing in sight.’ I guess you meant ‘alone’ rather than along. Even if you change it, the sentence reads a little awkwardly, and this close to the beginning, the story has to read right to make people continue.

There are also some passive parts that could be easily corrected by deleting a few words such as ‘had’, ‘that’ and ‘was’ and rearranging a few others to make it more active, such as the start of chapter 3:

The interior of the store was cluttered with etc. could be written as: ‘Books, curios and wood carvings cluttered the shelves inside the store.’ It’s only a small change, but I think things like this make a big difference.

On the whole, I think you have the framework for a good story, but I feel it needs a good edit to de-clutter it, and to streamline some of the sentences that are a little wordy.

Only my opinion of course. And by the way, to get people to read your work, and if you have time, it’s best to comment on other peoples work or to get involved on the forum. It all takes time though, which not a lot of people have.

SJ wrote 1218 days ago

The overuse of 'him' at the beginning kept jarring as I read, which is a shame as you can obviously weave a story. I haven't got time to read or comment much at the moment, but I will watchlist this until I can return.

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