A Walk Through the Fire

Wow, thank you, the beginning was a bit shaky I admit, I wrote the beginning chapters years ago and I keep debating going back to attack it again. Thanks for the feedback!

The dialogue confused me. I thought it was realistic, but the way you typed it made it hard to follow. Otherwise I enjoyed the first chapter.

The dialogue confused me. I thought it was realistic, but the way you typed it made it hard to follow. Otherwise I enjoyed the first chapter.

A Walk through the Fire

Backed
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

It's a great premise. However, I would suggest some editing is needed. I found the first chapter confusing, although subsequent chapters appeared clearer. Grammar and punctuation errors need to be dealt with, and I always find that successive edits tighten the writing and make it more succinct. I'd also avoid overlong paragraphs.

The writing is good though, the pace is often great, and this has the potential to be a great story. (I know, repetition of 'great'). Backed.

This is immensely intriguing and vastly charged read. i love the smashing start with Porir and Shayama. The theme is a good one and of course one that readers will chase. The plot is well poised to take off and i love it all.
As you are far ahead in time rearders (AND EDITORS) are going to be looking for new things like technological devices e.g cameras etc. (I saw a documentary last night that claims aliens left behing a phone that worked with light a photo-phone ) stuff like that. Physicallly humans are ths same so that's not a problelem

Para 2 check this line you may have left out a word
(rubbing his face the cameras)

A pleasure to read. Great imagination and creativity.

Best

My favorite phrase: "mocha dog auditioning for the part of an ottoman."

I was confused during the first several sections of the beginning as to who was whom. Try starting off the book with the name of the main character earlier. I confused Phillip and Porir, and was even more confused by the change of year. I didn't get a clear sense of the transition (even though the year is mentioned).

Elizabeth Love
(Pouring the Cup)

Talented writing with an intriguing storyline makes this easy to back!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Loved the short pitch!! It made me want to read a chapter instantly!!

**Support Dani the Earth Angel**

Red your first two chapters. The idea’s great but need some “cleaning.” By that, I mean that you should make it not only more “editor friendly” but also take care of story scenes which are contradictory or confusing. It’s hard to go back and forth to show them to you so, if you want, e-mail me a few chapters (doc or rtf file) and I’ll use tracker to exemplify what I mean. My address is pilot27407@hotmail.com.
I’m backing it for voice and story.
Dan
PS. Pls take a look at mine and back it if you like it.

Hi Pete,
I really like the idea of the diaspora --wariing planets of earth's former inhabitants, who have clearly failed to leave their past behind them.
The setting is 2047 years after the human diaspora but the name Philip is still used (ok, it's lasted 2000 yrs already) and people still refer to cameras and reading the dictionary, yet you describe basketball as an antiquated pastime? I found it a little hard to get a truly futuristic feel with so many 20th century references.
She eyes the pieces of the chair ignoring them (seems contradictory)
This is well written and has some great characters, so backed.
Best wishes and good luck,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

You bring up some fair points, I was really aiming to show how far we haven't come in many regards and yet some parts of cultural history have been completely lost. Maybe this is something that I should reevaluate. Thanks

For those of you that are still interested I have finished uploading this book, it is now in it's completed form. I hope that you enjoy. And just a quick apology to anyone who feels that I am here only to be read and not contribute, I am feeling my legs out but you will hear from me. Much thanks to this community so far.

Pete

Hi Pete,
I really like the idea of the diaspora --wariing planets of earth's former inhabitants, who have clearly failed to leave their past behind them.
The setting is 2047 years after the human diaspora but the name Philip is still used (ok, it's lasted 2000 yrs already) and people still refer to cameras and reading the dictionary, yet you describe basketball as an antiquated pastime? I found it a little hard to get a truly futuristic feel with so many 20th century references.
She eyes the pieces of the chair ignoring them (seems contradictory)
This is well written and has some great characters, so backed.
Best wishes and good luck,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

For sci-fi your writing is more sophisticated than I expected and your whold on structure and narrative is excellent.

BACKED

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and your work is extremely character rich. Your use of imagery is superb. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your science fiction novel a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

A Walk Through the Fire

Pete Bellisle

Not my genre of preference but since being on Authonomy, sci-fi has grown on me somewhat. What appeals to me most are your themes and I like your futuristic setting as well. A new great religion to encompass all? I simply must return to read more as this has been quite stimulating so far.

Ok, so I have the biggest apology and I am embarrassed to make it after so many of you have taken the time to read and comment on my first 10 chapters. Many of you had noted edits and thoughts that I thought I had addressed, now I realized that last night I had uploaded the wrong draft of the chapters. They have been re-ordered and tweaked and I apologize to those of you who in annoyance and frustration want to step away from my project. But here it is, in it's intended chapter order. I still have a few more chapters to upload, I hope you enjoy.

Pete

Just thought you'd like to know you have a typo in the pitch. Shouldn't "humanity forgets were Earth" be "where" earth is? I'm sure you'd notice it soon, but thought I'd mention it just in case. I like the line, "leaving him with nothing but reality." Is that it? Just reality? "Judah, get your sorry ass off of that pallet and break in the new rookie, your beautiful dreams of flight and fancy are done. Smell your life and remember what you are." Simply, lively stuff, eh? You have the occasional typo and missing punctuation mark, but overall, this is a very creative piece of science fiction with realistic dialogue and fine description. I'll read more when I get the chance. Backed for now.

Thanks for the typo heads up in the pitch.

Pete

Just thought you'd like to know you have a typo in the pitch. Shouldn't "humanity forgets were Earth" be "where" earth is? I'm sure you'd notice it soon, but thought I'd mention it just in case. I like the line, "leaving him with nothing but reality." Is that it? Just reality? "Judah, get your sorry ass off of that pallet and break in the new rookie, your beautiful dreams of flight and fancy are done. Smell your life and remember what you are." Simply, lively stuff, eh? You have the occasional typo and missing punctuation mark, but overall, this is a very creative piece of science fiction with realistic dialogue and fine description. I'll read more when I get the chance. Backed for now.

Thanks for the typo heads up in the pitch.

Pete

Dear Pete, What a sad ending. ;( No more hope? :( I'll re-write it my mind for a happy ending. :) Your pitch drew me in & made me think of Planet of the Apes which I loved. :) Your storyline kept me reading. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Sad, ...just wait. Thanks for reading.

Pete

good honest writing for this sci-fi adventure...well worth a place on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Thanks.

Pete

Dear Pete

I would buy it for myself for sure. well crafted, and soooo real to me...that is due to your writing skills. such talent and ability with words to create quite the animated movie in my head
CONGRATS I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Wow, thank you for the support, I hope you enjoy the rest just as much.

Pete

Sci-Fi has to be special to draw me in and I find myself intrigued by this tale. The short pitch does its job very well and even though the first paragraph seems rough the promise from the pitch kept me reading, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

I hope that I fulfill the promise of the pitch, enjoy.

Pete

This is right in my preferred genre. I've only read the 1st chapter, so can't comment widely, but will come back for more. In the meantime it's on my shelf. Great work! Tim H, Hellbound

Well I hope that you enjoy the ride.

pete

Hi Pete,
Started reading and found a few things to point out.
First chapter: podium(.) The sound reverberates . . .
and quickly jerks it (way: clutter) into a stiff-armed (sort of: weakens the action) salute, reminsent of (dispite the upturned palm: I'd bracket this part) of a . . .
Exhausted(,) he throw himself into the awaiting chair (directly: clutter) at his left, drawing: better, yes?) (minor: clutter. Possibly: hushed?) gasps from his audience.
The last line, confuses me. Is he toying with his audience? If so, maybe something like this:
I'd break for this last line and:
As his audience looks on, he slyly stares back, flashes a face of despair and looks on to measure their reaction.

I don't get the: "PIRATES" rage. Is it a part of the dialog that follows. If so, why is rage not within the quote? Same for next line.
The all caps would serve better maybe as italics? I use all caps for a deaf character in one of my books, but try to avoid, otherwise.
Anyway, I hope this is of some help. Best of luck with it.

Suz

Thanks for the thoughts I see your points. As far as the "rage" I was looking to add an emotional descriptor that maybe italics would take care of. I may pull those words as they have cause confusion.

Thanks

good honest writing for this sci-fi adventure...well worth a place on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

this almost threatened to topple into battlestar galactica territory but this is different an has me intrigued, the survival of the Earth is an almost religious sign for the masses to reevaluate their souls and interesting the separation from their homeworld has forced humanity into a serious asskicking change in psyche, is the return of earth the second chance humanity needs? The setting is great, very visual, good characterisation, in a strong concept, all in all, this is good, very good.

Interestingly, although I love BSG, I began writing this in 2001, while I was in the Peace Corps in Macedonia. Thanks for the compliments they mean a lot.
Pete

this almost threatened to topple into battlestar galactica territory but this is different an has me intrigued, the survival of the Earth is an almost religious sign for the masses to reevaluate their souls and interesting the separation from their homeworld has forced humanity into a serious asskicking change in psyche, is the return of earth the second chance humanity needs? The setting is great, very visual, good characterisation, in a strong concept, all in all, this is good, very good.

A WALK THROUGH THE FIRE
Oh I enjoyed this!
You’ve given us a great set of characters, well fleshed out and believable.
Your descriptive passages and phrases are well thought, and you give us plenty of vivid images to deal with.

Some minor editing needed in places and this could be really good.
I am happy to back this. When you have a moment I would be really pleased if you could take a look at my own book; The Assassins Village. I am always pleased when people take the time to comment on my work (and of course delighted when they back it!!) Very good luck on here.
Faith
The Assassins’ Village

Hi Pete,
Started reading and found a few things to point out.
First chapter: podium(.) The sound reverberates . . .
and quickly jerks it (way: clutter) into a stiff-armed (sort of: weakens the action) salute, reminsent of (dispite the upturned palm: I'd bracket this part) of a . . .
Exhausted(,) he throw himself into the awaiting chair (directly: clutter) at his left, drawing: better, yes?) (minor: clutter. Possibly: hushed?) gasps from his audience.
The last line, confuses me. Is he toying with his audience? If so, maybe something like this:
I'd break for this last line and:
As his audience looks on, he slyly stares back, flashes a face of despair and looks on to measure their reaction.

I don't get the: "PIRATES" rage. Is it a part of the dialog that follows. If so, why is rage not within the quote? Same for next line.
The all caps would serve better maybe as italics? I use all caps for a deaf character in one of my books, but try to avoid, otherwise.
Anyway, I hope this is of some help. Best of luck with it.

Suz

Sci-Fi has to be special to draw me in and I find myself intrigued by this tale. The short pitch does its job very well and even though the first paragraph seems rough the promise from the pitch kept me reading, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

This is right in my preferred genre. I've only read the 1st chapter, so can't comment widely, but will come back for more. In the meantime it's on my shelf. Great work! Tim H, Hellbound

Dear Pete

I would buy it for myself for sure. well crafted, and soooo real to me...that is due to your writing skills. such talent and ability with words to create quite the animated movie in my head
CONGRATS I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Dear Pete
A Walk Through the Fire is an amazing piece of work that you should be extremely proud of. Backed with pleasure and wishing you much success
Helen
The Last Dream

Just thought you'd like to know you have a typo in the pitch. Shouldn't "humanity forgets were Earth" be "where" earth is? I'm sure you'd notice it soon, but thought I'd mention it just in case. I like the line, "leaving him with nothing but reality." Is that it? Just reality? "Judah, get your sorry ass off of that pallet and break in the new rookie, your beautiful dreams of flight and fancy are done. Smell your life and remember what you are." Simply, lively stuff, eh? You have the occasional typo and missing punctuation mark, but overall, this is a very creative piece of science fiction with realistic dialogue and fine description. I'll read more when I get the chance. Backed for now.

Dear Pete, What a sad ending. ;( No more hope? :( I'll re-write it my mind for a happy ending. :) Your pitch drew me in & made me think of Planet of the Apes which I loved. :) Your storyline kept me reading. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."